New game, bro.

Belch in his face and dare him to get a better combo against a Peach dummy in Smash Bros Melee training mode.

Johnny 2015/08/04(Tue)19:36 No. 660345 ID: 9fe7e1
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>Something told me to just ask to play Melee, but curiosity got the better of me. "Fine, new game, bro."

>"Tubularly radical, my man!!"

We popped the disc in and booted up the system. Surprisingly the game seemed to skip over the usual opening credits--you know, that little slideshow of what companies worked on the game and all that? No sooner had we turned it on than we were staring at a Zelda-esque title screen. The word "PRAISE" floated over what I guessed to be the game's overworld, this big field in that loveable retro 3D style that Gamecube games had.

The fact that this looked like a real game blew out all doubts from my mind on its validity. As well versed in gaming as we were at that young age, we'd yet to learn about hacks--back then, we figured if a game was playing, it *had* to be real. Not just anybody could change a game's content, right?

>Samuel grabbed up my controller and I scrambled to find a spare. He was always player one, he was just overall a better leader. "What did I tell you," he laughed as he pressed start. "What should we do first, broham?"
>>SINGLE PLAYER
>>TWO PLAYER
>>OPTIONS
>>CREDITS
>>PRAISE

>>660345
Two player mode, options- hard, conduct: no sword, kill things with deku sticks.

Look at the credits first, see who modded this game.

>Turn console power off

Johnny 2015/08/06(Thu)18:46 No. 660746 ID: 9fe7e1
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>"Here, do the credits first," I told Sam.

He selected it and the screen went black. While some pretty generic fantasy music played, a bunch of names scrolled past, all the editors and designers and all that. I didn't really pay attention to what it all said; it looked official enough, so I didn't pay it much mind. Looking back, I guess that was pretty dumb of me...

>But past me's retro gamer blood was pumping!! Everything seemed to check out--this was *real,* a new game for the two of us to try! "Radical, let's try two player hard-mode," I said!

"Hard-mode" was this little thing the two of is liked to do with games like Zelda and the like. We couldn't use the game's main weapons, only secondary items like deku sticks. If you broke the rule you had to swap out with the other player, or if we were playing two player you got a punch in the arm for each violation. Samuel was an even better gamer than me and was built like a bear, so of course he had no problem about agreeing to it.

He chose the two player mode and the screen flickered for a second as it switched from the main menu to a black loading screen. We were both getting really hyped, now. What type of fame would this be? I'd called hard-mode because I guessed it'd be like Zelda, but I wasn't certain. What was coming next?

The game answered our question when it flashed once more and started. It was splitscreen, was the first thing I noticed. That horizontal one where the two cameras area stacked on top of each other. Our characters were knights, it looked like, Sam's in red armor and mine in blue. We were side by side in a courtyard to some type of big wooden fort, all rendered in that time-tested Ocarina of Time graphics aesthetic!! It was a pretty well-made game, by first appearances.

>A text box appeared on the bottom of my part of the screen. "There are many ways to praise," it read, "but come Judgement there will only be two. You will learn to praise with:
>>"PRAISE WITH CHIVALRY
>>"PRAISE WITH FAITH"

Praise with Fart Noises!!!


Okay praise with chivalry whatever

>>660746
Faith

>>660746
Each of you pick different ones!

Go chivalry.

Johnny 2015/08/11(Tue)06:40 No. 661689 ID: 9fe7e1
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>I picked Chivalry and a second cursor appeared, for the orher player to choose I guessed. "We should pick different ones," I suggested. "Maybe we get extra stuff?"

Samuel agreed and picked Faith. Almost the instant he selected it, there was another flicker and his avatar was replaced with what looked like a monk or something. He had no weapons or gear except a cross in his hand.

>"Dude, that's bogus!" Sam yelled. "Where'd my sword go?!"

It was too late to go back and change it. The camera zoomed out slowly until we could see the whole fort from the sky, and some of the forest that surrounded it. As I watched and Sam kept ranting, the sky started shifting colors. When the change was finished, it was a deep shade of red!!

>Some text faded in. "You must be ready. Praise in life as you will praise in death."

And then the camera returned to the two of us, still standing in that courtyard. The only sounds were the rustiling of leaves from the trees outside the fort.

>Sam sighed, looking disappointedly from his new unarmed character to the red sky and back. "Soooo.... What do we do, then? Is that it?"

Oh look. The game is auto-saving how @#$%ed you two are.

TURN IT OFF AND PULL IT OUT

>Soooo.... What do we do, then? Is that it?
Nah can't be. We just gotta trigger a plot event so something cool happens. Maybe your guy gets magic since he doesn't have a sword?