FRACTAL 2014/09/28(Sun)19:29 No. 596346 ID: 219868
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"She's not coming."

The air is crisp and the slow-appearing stars are flirting with me through a thin, ragged layer of clouds. I'm typically indifferent to nature and landscapes, but there are times when even I have to admit that there's value in it all. I don't feel good, though. I'm in a Mood. I wish I could rip my skin off and howl.

FRACTAL 2014/09/28(Sun)19:29 No. 596347 ID: 219868
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"Oh ye of little faith," Avery sing-songs. She leans back into my lap and reaches, and I bow my head to allow her to touch my hair. I tolerate it, because it is tolerable.

"She's not," I insist again. She makes eye contact with me and I blink, as slowly as I can, drawing out the moment for momentary relief. To close my eyes completely or look away is not an option, but this, I think, is fine.

"We didn't even give her a specific meeting time," she reminds me, and I scoff, which makes her laugh, a sound like breaking glass.

"That strengthens my stance, not yours," I murmur. My skin itches and I pull away. She lets me go with surprising ease this time.

FRACTAL 2014/09/28(Sun)19:29 No. 596348 ID: 219868
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I'm scratching my arms harder than I should. She sits up again and turns to face me. "Well then!" She's drumming her palms on her knees and I want to reach out to stop her but my hands are already occupied."Wanna fuck?"

A little piece of flesh comes away under my nail, unexpected, and I wince at the sting. I press my fingertip to the newly opened wound. I'm waiting because I don't know if she's joking this time - sometimes she is - but a few moments pass and she's still looking at me expectantly.

"Not really," I reply evenly. The scratch really hurts. I want to lick it.

"Haha. Dang. Maybe next time." She gets up and stretches. Her arms go on for miles. "Okay. Wanna go fuck with her then?"

Why did you guys even want her to come in the first place?

>Okay. Wanna go fuck with her then?
Ehhhhhhh.

Why's this no-show so special, anyway?

is that a flowers of evil tattoo?

ask her to remind you what the plan was after mimi got here?

>>596348
Maybe. Mess with her in a way that'll get her interested in actually hanging out. She seemed too intimidated.

blinks. why would i want to fuck HER.

"I don't even care about her. Playing mysterious isn't my thing. Playing isn't my thing. Why don't we fuck with someone who will fuck back for once?"

nice aku no hana tattoo, you fucking weeb.

why the hell are we even trying with mimi. sure she's like us, but she's too much of a scaredy cat to do anything fun.

FRACTAL 2014/09/28(Sun)20:41 No. 596362 ID: 219868
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"Not really," I repeat slowly. I'm indifferent to this entire endeavor, despite how unusual it is. Avery rarely shows interest in others, and while I understand that there's something that sets that girl apart from the rest of the fleshbags we exist among, I'm not as curious about it as Avery is. I don't presume to understand her thoughts, though.

"Come ooooooooon." Even when she's feigning exasperation, her smile never leaves. "Not even a little?"

"I don't even know why you're interested in her."

"Yes, you do."

"Fine. I don't know what you want to DO about that interest," I amend.

FRACTAL 2014/09/28(Sun)20:41 No. 596363 ID: 219868
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She laughs and shrugs. "Fuck around!" she says again, "Fuck around. Man, I don't know. I just wanna see what'll happen." She's rubbing her tattoo, a symbol from some comic or another that she's obsessed with. I've never asked about it, but she told me about it once. It blossomed into the kind of sprawling, recursive rant that always tends to happen with her, and I had dismissed it as unimportant and subsequently forgotten the details.

"I know you think this kind of random, aimless experimentation is somehow spontaneous and fun, but it's actually more boring than anything else I can think of."

"You say that, but you always end up having a little fun." She reaches her hand out and helps me up.

"If we're going to do this, we need to do better. You scared her." I look up at her, and she's laughing again, so I interrupt her. "I'm being serious. If you genuinely want her to spend time with us of her own free will, you can't pull stunts like what you did in the nurse's office today."

"Fine, fine," she says, reining in her laughter. "Then what do you suggest?"

>apologetic fruit basket

Give her some answers. She's obviously freaked out right now and full of questions. We don't need to tell her everything yet, but give a little intro... Ease her in.

>>596365
Hmmm... interesting idea, except... how about most of the fruit in it be the same, except for three. Symbolism!

Or maybe hide some notes where she wouldn't expect to find them. They'd be asking her to reconsider, you're totally cool and she should take a chance at meeting new people.

...
Flirt with her?

Meet under different conditions. In the nurse's office and in this place out in the middle of nowhere it feels like you're in control. She needs a place where she thinks she's in control and she can leave if she needs to, so she's not afraid and doesn't try to run.

Small animals scare when you corner them. Don't corner her, and maybe she'll get used to you.

pretend that avery broke up with you & approach mimi. you can get a sympathy vote by pretending ur girlfriend broke up with u

Approach her without avery and tlk to her, get her to warm up to the idea of avery and maybe ask to hang out ???

Approach her without avery and tlk to her, get her to warm up to the idea of avery and maybe ask to hang out ???

>Hmmm... interesting idea, except... how about most of the fruit in it be the same, except for three. Symbolism!

Yes, this is best. Or put fruit in it and three pieces of candy. Something like that but I vote for symbolism as well.

FRACTAL 2014/09/29(Mon)19:53 No. 596483 ID: 219868
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"Fruit basket," I mumble.

Avery cocks her head inquisitively, and I expand. "A show of good faith. We need to make her feel better about us. Which, actually, requires that you not be there."

"AaaaaAAAAAAAaaalex-"

"Non-negotiable." We're walking now, headed back to her house. "You're terrifying. She hated you."

"What, and she was your biggest fan?" Avery sniggers.

"I made less of an impact on her. If I act kind -"

She snorts at me.

"If I act non-threatening," I correct firmly, "she's likely to change her opinion. Then, hopefully, she'll come to the conclusion that by association you can't be as bad."

"Mmmmm. Okay." She loops an arm around my shoulder. I tolerate it. "So were you being literal about the fruit basket thing?"

"Probably."

"Can we use THAT to fuck with her?"

"I'll let you put together the gift, if that would make you happy."

She's practically crowing. That's fine. I'm still in a Mood, though, and I don't tolerate her arm for long. It's a little harder to shake her off this time.

what exactly is ur relationship with avery? like ya'll have sex apparently sometimes but you seem oddly attached to her but also like you don't care for her. or maybe that is ur Mood but then avery doesnt seem to be respecting ur current need for space...

maybe its time to head on home and think up plans to get to mimi? let avery take care of the "fruit basket"

what's a Mood?

Since messing with Mimi isn't going to happen tonight, what other mischief can you two get up to?

>I'm still in a Mood, though
How do you usually get rid of those?

FRACTAL 2014/09/30(Tue)13:30 No. 596531 ID: 2c322d
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I watch her as we walk. It's difficult to define what Avery is to me.

I suppose to an outsider, it looks like a subserviant relationship - that Avery is a delinquent ringleader and I am her faithful and unquestioning lackey. The truth of the matter, though, is simply that to maintain our symbiosis I don't require her to follow my orders, and I'm not interested enough in her motives to ask questions when she gives orders of her own. She likes when I do what she says and I don't mind it.

I'm not particularly interested in ruminating on what it is I do need out of this. It's not a part of myself that I'm fond of.

The sex suits both of us. I have no drive for it, but when I feel inclined to allow it to happen I enjoy flesh. Her sharpness is good. She's satisfyingly violent. It's a time when I can act a little more naturally, paradoxical to the fact that sex itself does not come naturally to me.

We're certainly not dating. Courtship absolutely disgusts her, and it bores me. I'm not sure I'd call us friends, either. I think friendship requires a general pleasantness and goodwill between the parties that we conspicuously lack.

So what, I ask myself, are we.

FRACTAL 2014/09/30(Tue)13:31 No. 596532 ID: 2c322d
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"Hey." I'm snapped back to the present by Avery swatting me on the shoulder with her hat, a gesture I respond to with cold irritation. "Have you gone all funny again?"

That's what she calls my Moods. "Yes," I respond tersely, but I know better than to think that this will end the conversation.

"Ggggggod." We're almost home, but she grabs me and twists, pushes me through a cluster of garbage cans, empty now, that clatter aside, and my back hits a brick mailbox. We're still. "Why didn't you tell me right when it started?"

It irritates me that she likes me better when I'm like this - when my general apathy morphs instead into a boiling pit of malaise and general disgust, directed both outward and inward. Times when, as I said before, I want to rip my own body apart and scream. It's more than a bad mood - it's like a paradigm shift, like phasing between two entirely different schema without control. Of course she loves it, though. She thinks it's more interesting.

shrug her off and tell her to go away for a bit- that you need some spaec

shove her off. tell her we need to focus on mimi. distractions just wont do.

>what are we?
Codependent?

>she likes my moods
What does she do when you're in a mood?

hrrm...
"And again, this darkness rises, and again you celebrate it's coming. So mundane you must find life to chase such a beast eh?"

how long do your moods usually last? is there anything you can do to tear yourself out? it seems like, regardless of what avery wants, you dont want to be like this

dude, you're depressed. This relationship aint healthy. talk to a doctor or something.

Eh, I guess you'll have to give her some of what she wants before she'll let you be. Maybe you shouldn't do the nasty in a dirty alley though.

FRACTAL 2014/10/02(Thu)13:02 No. 596832 ID: 2c322d
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I shove her off, with a little more vehemence than I usually impart into my actions. It's the kind of thing most people would be afraid to do, but I know her well enough to know that passivity provokes her more than aggression. "I don't want to talk to you anymore. I'm going home."

FRACTAL 2014/10/02(Thu)13:02 No. 596833 ID: 2c322d
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She's laughing. Hard. I want to kick her legs out and smash her face against the sidewalk and then kiss the blood off. I know that if I did she wouldn't stop laughing, not through any of it, so I don't.

"Work on Mimi's gift. I'll think about how to approach her." I'm walking away, and she's not following, which is a pleasant surprise. "Don't call me tonight."

The Mood is boiling. I'm sick. I know I'm sick. But if I get "fixed" then I'll just be normal and that's everything I've held in contempt for my entire life. It would be a betrayal, I think, to both myself and to Avery. This is a price I'm willing to pay, and like any storm, the Moods pass.

FRACTAL 2014/10/02(Thu)13:02 No. 596834 ID: 2c322d
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I'm a little afraid.

try not to think about avery for a while and just walk home, text her maybe and tell her you'll call tomorrow

>>596834
What are you afraid of?

when did you meet avery?

Hrrrm...Something that MIGHT help with the moods is some sort of...quiet place. A place you can be alone, possibly with some sort of punching bag to vent the Mood on...
Though normal isn't what any one person is. It's the average you find when you meld everyone together.

is there some where you can let the mood out to help it pass?

FRACTAL 2014/10/08(Wed)08:49 No. 597685 ID: 2c322d
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I'm afraid of Avery. I'm afraid of her obsession with that stupid girl. I'm afraid of my reaction to all of this.

FRACTAL 2014/10/08(Wed)08:49 No. 597686 ID: 2c322d
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I'm afraid of the fact that I can hear you.

FRACTAL 2014/10/08(Wed)08:49 No. 597687 ID: 2c322d
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I arrive home. My mother calls out to me and I ignore her. Up the stairs, turn left. When I open my door, I find the piece of paper I leave over the latch already on the floor - she's been in here. There's nothing for her to find, but the fact irritates me all the same. I think she used to replace the paper, once she realized what I was doing, but now she doesn't even care if I know.

FRACTAL 2014/10/08(Wed)08:50 No. 597688 ID: 2c322d
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I close and lock my door and settle in to wait for the Mood to pass. Solitude doesn't HELP the Mood pass, but it's better than trying to handle it while also navigating human interaction at the same time.

I'm tired.

What happened to your eyeballs? Did something change?

Have you ever heard us before? We were talking to Mimi today too. I'd tell you some things only she should know, but if you told her that'd only spook her.

Your eyes were hearts until just now... Avery's are Xs, Mimi's are stars.

What's your mom like, aside from nosy?

You should install your own lock on the door at some point.

Do you know what we are?

maybe try to get some sleep. does that usually help the Moods pass? are your eyes only hearts when you're around other people?

Why are your eyebrows so tiny?

FRACTAL 2014/12/09(Tue)11:25 No. 610264 ID: 6b7ea4
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I don't know anything about eyes or symbols no matter how many times you bring it up - and you always bring it up - and I don't appreciate the association you're trying to push by saying I have hearts for eyes. I've already explained the situation with Avery to you.

I've always assumed that you - the voices - are just another symptom of my sickness. As such, I'm reluctant to take any actions suggested by you that I wouldn't have considered on my own. My illness controls my life enough as it is without me submitting to it voluntarily.

You're being less irritating than usual, though. Maybe I'll consider your suggestions and opinions briefly. Just to give it a try.

FRACTAL 2014/12/09(Tue)11:27 No. 610266 ID: 6b7ea4
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There's a knock on the door. "Alex?"

It's my mother. I say nothing, and she opens the door and stands there, only half over the threshold. "Alex, there's food downstairs ..."

>>610266
Man that's your mom. Don't be rude, even if you don't wanna eat, say something to her.

what the hell, you can hear us?
ok. well. whaddya wanna do here? you should eat, but idk im not your mother
btw i like your eyebrows theyre cute

>>610264
It's cause we're different voices from before. You've never told us anything ever! This is the first time we've met you.

Are you even hungry, will you be hungry?
Eat to satisfy the hunger, ignore if you will dram regardless.
But if you eat people might want to talk.
You should probably just go get a Band-Aid.

Sorry. Our memory isn't so good, we guess.

Do you have a reason not to eat? She seems concerned, and not eating will just worry her and cause you more complications.

I'm gonna have to support >>610275 here, you should tell her if you don't want to eat at least. But food is good for you, so make sure to get some nourishment every day at least!

>>610264
You'll feel better if you talk to her and try to be more open.

It will also hurt.

>I don't know anything about eyes or symbols no matter how many times you bring it up - and you always bring it up - and I don't appreciate the association you're trying to push by saying I have hearts for eyes. I've already explained the situation with Avery to you.

We're not trying to push that. It's literally what we see when we look at you. We don't understand why we were seeing you that way, and we don't understand why we're not seeing you that way now.

You're right that the usual meaning of "hearts for eyes" doesn't make sense. The reason we're asking about it, and probably the reason your last batch of voices asked about it, is that it doesn't make sense. It makes no more sense to us than to you.

It gets even weirder. We've mentioned that Mimi had stars as eyes. They weren't shiny comic-book stars-for-eyes, just five-pointed star symbols. Solid black, like your hearts were. We got to see her real(?) eyes once, but only for a moment. Her father also had a five-pointed star for a head when we saw him, which makes even less sense. Her stepmother, the nurse, and her acquaintances (well, other than you and Avery) all looked normal.

It's clear that what we're seeing doesn't reflect reality, but we don't know what, if anything, it does reflect. It's also not viewpoint-dependent: we were talking with Mimi earlier (although she didn't recognize us as not-her), and we saw the same thing then.

And yeah, I know you don't believe that we're not just in your head. There's no reason you should believe that, yet. Oh, well; at least you've got enough experience with head-voices that you'll know to ignore the guy who says to burn everything. Swear to Zoroaster it seems like there's one of those fuckers in every batch.

... right, I just went on a five-minute rant and you probably ignored all of it. Don't blame you. Food sounds nice to me (god, I could murder a curry right now) but I'm gonna guess you think eating isn't worth dealing with people. Just say "Not now. I'll reheat something later."

((FRACTAL: I'm not trying to upend the game board; I'm just trying to make an unusual move. If this isn't where you want the fourth wall to go, just say so; I'll respect it wherever you put it.))

FRACTAL 2015/02/27(Fri)14:13 No. 626890 ID: 219868
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I feel ill. I've thought a lot about Avery and I, and how sick we both are, and whether there's any common thread to that sickness. I wonder if that girl is sick, too. I continue this line of thought until my mother speaks up again.

"Alex ... ?"

"I'm not hungry." It comes out abrupt, and I sigh and add, more gently, "I'll reheat something later. Thank you."

FRACTAL 2015/02/27(Fri)14:13 No. 626891 ID: 219868
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Her hands are twisting the hem of her shirt. I look away because it irritates me.

"Alex," she says finally, "What's going on with you lately?"

My jaw tenses.

"You haven't been taking your medication. I know you're just throwing the pills away every morning, I found them. You're out late all the time, you're skipping class, you aren't eating -"

"Don't go through my garbage."

"What am I doing wrong?" She's shouting now, in that way that betrays coming tears, and I hate myself for feeling nothing but annoyance.

...It's not even something you can blame yourself for mother. If it was that simple, we wouldn't be having this conversation now, wouldn't we?

She doesn't get to blame herself for a fall of the dice.

>>626891
You're doing nothing wrong. It has nothing to do with you.
I'm just disinterested in my health.
I'm no special snowflake, Mom. There's people like me everywhere. Nothing wrong here. It's just what IS.

why are you so obsessed with not being """normal""", alex?
normal or not normal should not be an issue. happy or unhappy/apathetic should be an issue.
anyway tell her the truth!
"its not you. its me. im apathetic, disinterested. i hate being normal, i hold it in contempt, and if i take the meds? its what ill become."

Take your damn medication, idiot.

tell her it's nothing, not her fault and you're sorry, you just don't feel great right now. you'll take your medicine soon.

maybe tell her yr uncomfortable with the fact it's supposed to change you? and that you dont want to change because you dont wanna think theres something wrong with how you are now.
if yr not comfortable with that, maybe tell her the side effects are worse than what you have?
idk. i would try to tell as much of the truth as you can. and maybe try to reassure her, too. even if youre too apathetic to care, it might make her take what you want to say better, so you wont be as misunderstood.
even if you think it's for selfish or bad reasons, she does seem to be really worried. try to communicate in a way she can understand and live with.
maybe even admit that youre scared.

In the end it's wrong of her to make it about HER failures and what SHE did wrong, but you can't really help it as a parent. You'll just have to try and explain that it has nothing to do with her at all. Anons have some good suggestions for it.

Tell her that it's nothing she did. Why haven't you been taking your medication? What is it for?