rolled 58 = 58

---

Rollin

I dunno, I bet you're closer to those sexy bits than most have ever been.

How do I roll? I just tried three times and failed.

Damn my noobness.

>>595816
http://tgchan.org/kusaba/news.php?p=faq

rolled 86 = 86

---

>>595806

I kind of want him to fail and sputter, but I think it'd be more amusing for the pint size orc to put on his SRS FACE and ask about the Overlord's current lack of going out and lording. And grim murdering.

rolled 17 = 17

---

rolling for silliness (watch this hit massively high for getting SRS FACE on.)

rolled 81 = 81

---

>>595806
C'mon dice!

>>595830
We succeeded already.

Mighty is the orc that can noogie straight through a metal helmet.

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/09/29(Mon)08:08 No. 596403 ID: 324d69
File 141200330927.png - (28.71KB , 800x800 , XgPABkp.png )

For a split second, you manage to prevent further noogies from Giuffria and you quickly pull out your quill and list. Your opening needs to be effective and inspiring. You got this.

“Clan chieftains, warlords of the Black Horde, fellow orcs, lend me your ears. I’ve come to you for aid. Our Overlord has grown dormant, his evil caged within the walls of Ostraya. We must and we will awaken the armoured demon once more if you open your wicked souls to me and share your thoughts on my inquiries.”

They look at you in silence. You’re not sure if this is good or bad silence. Maybe you overdid it? Did you say something wrong? And then Cro’Mags breaks it.

“You wot, mate?”

“I tink he means dat th’ Big Boss is in th’ dumps right now an’ dat he wants to ask us stuff. Innit?”

“…Yes. Yes, I do.”

Gaahlskagg looks at you with an expression you can’t really read. And then, for a fraction of a moment, you could swear you saw something like a smirk. He’s actually invested in this. The notion scares you. He rubs his chin with gauntleted hand.

“Asks den, li’l orc. Den we sees.”

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/09/29(Mon)08:09 No. 596404 ID: 324d69
File 141200335642.png - (51.32KB , 800x800 , 8ZyKwgS.png )

“Okay, uh, first question. Are you satisfied with your lord and master, Overlord?”

“Iz ‘e fockin’ wiv us? I fink ‘e’z fockin’ wiv us.”

“Drop the ponce human talk, ‘Skul, an’ speak plain.”

Sigh. You wish orcs had a better grasp of the language than an average peasant. No wonder everyone looks down on your kind as witless barbarians with no sense of culture. Which is tasteless propaganda propagated by those jealous of orcish prowess in battle and musical talent. Fine, time to dumb it down.

“Do you like the Overlord?”

“Yeah, de darkness in hims ams most impressive.
“Ov course, he is powerful an’ his armour is to die for.”
“I wanna sez no, but ‘e’z betta den uvva power-‘oggin’ gitz runnin’ da show.”
“Yeh, I respect ‘im as much as anyone that rides a warg and leaves with all limbs attached.”

“Do you like what he’s doing lately?”

“Too magicals.”
“I kinda like the stuff he paints. ‘S wicked.”
“Not enuff shite gettin’ rekt.”
“What Cro’Mags said.”

“Do you want to go kill and pillage more often?”

They all shoot lightning at you from their eyes. No sane orc will say no to that kind of thing.

“Sorry, stupid question. Okay, the last one. Is it time to remove lembas again?”

Their expressions shift. They all gain a million yard stare and harden their facial muscles into grim visages of cold, calculated and, above all, righteous genocide. Gaahlskagg steps forward and declares what is on everybody’s mind.

“It ams always time for removings lembas.”

The feeling is contagious.

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/09/29(Mon)08:10 No. 596405 ID: 324d69
File 141200344626.png - (21.21KB , 800x800 , 5fHiwm2.png )

You thank the chieftains profusely for their cooperation. Hagarroth reminds you that you should start thinking about which clan to join. You tell him that you’ll keep it in mind and he pats you on the head. Gaahlskagg and Cro’Mags sneer at the idea in their own respective ways. As you begin to leave with your cart, Giuffria gives you a gold coin to buy something for yourself, in paraphrase, to look more presentable as the Overlord’s assistant. You wave at them as you hurry to the quartermaster’s.

Hagarroth is right. You should think about this. This is something really big in an orc’s life. To get in a clan, you need to start making a new identity …in a way. You need to start learning the talk and the walk of the one you like most.

Broken Bones are out of the question. You’re neither rebellious nor caustic enough to be a Bone and you don’t like the fact that your own clansmen would kill you for being a newblood. And Cro’Mags is just hard to deal with in every sense. Also, dying clan.

Black Metal has very high standards of what is appropriate for their members. They’re also prone to killing each other, but they have more sensible reasons for it, at least. Becoming one of them would be quite an ordeal and there’s always a chance of becoming the laughing stock in that community, but being with them brings status that can be only dreamed of by most orcs.

Hard Rock seems like the perfect choice, what with you being on friendly terms with the chieftain. You wouldn’t need to change the way you act too much to fit in, but there’s always a catch. You need a warg of your own. Not only are they dangerous as hellhounds, they are hard to come by. And the maintenance can cost you an arm and a leg. Literally.

White Tiger is a tough one. On one hand, you really like Giuffria and she’s one of your best friends. Real friends, not like with Hagarroth who has kind of a soft spot for you. On the other hand, you’re pretty sure you have no fashion sense whatsoever and the clan’s lifestyle is wild. It is so wild that you can ruin yourself in so many ways without even seeing a proper fight. You don’t know the details, but there’s always a Tiger that turns up dead with no signs of a violent death.

This decision is very important and monumental one at that. Which clan should you choose? Which one would impede the least your duties to the Overlord? You don’t have to devote yourself immediately to this endeavour and you can change your mind along the way, but it would be good to keep this thought in the back of your head at all times. Getting that MOUNTAIN DEW is your top priority now.

"Not enuff shite getting' rekt."

Well said.
Also might the DEW be bought with your newly aquired coin along with the other groceries?

>>596405
Wargs are awesome. Go for Hard Rock. Maybe you can get a puppy to start with, so that it'll grow to trust you from as young an age as possible.

>>596405

your relationship with white tiger is adorable

be an adorable orc

fashion sense can be LEARNED, my friend, and frankly a little party would do you a lot of good.

You're a smart git, in which clan will your smartness get you farthest/the most respect/whatever.

>>596405
Try it out. He said buy some clothes for yourself, right? Start from there and let's see how dreadful (or not) your fashion sense is.

Then later go see someone about wargs. Not buying one, but seeing how pissed off they get when you get close. 'Cause if they decide they would rather pee on you and tear your nads off instead of sleep, that's not a good choice either.

Any way about it you'll want to look into training in the fine art of putting the pointy bit in other people.

More immediately: Clothes, dew, figure out how to spark your overlord's interest in unrelenting violence.

>>596405
Why join a clan? Why not just make a new clan which revolves around something different.

>>596492
Because it'd be easier to enter Clan Broken Bones, take over, and refurbish it. Also we're going to make a new clan with no training and no backing? Yeah, that's gonna work.

>You need a warg of your own.
Bulldog warg. Get a bulldog warg. It's the right size and appropriately adorable for your size.

Gotta get the dew for now, though.

FUCK THAT! what you need is a Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

We'll form our of clan! and they will be orks! and they will be called...eh..ah...
Suggestions guys?

Frankly I think we should decide on clan choice later, and he isnt gonna be able to start a clan yet, give it time. If we chooses clan then its going to be between hard rock and white tiger. I say hard rock because this way you can improve this clan to be as loyal as white tiger is, and this way you can dress how you like and have a battle mount...or just a dangerous transportation mount. This way you can speedily do things for your wonderfully horrible master the overlord.

I'd say stick with Giuffria and her clan. There are worse things than mysteriously dropping dead.

Gonna put my vote with Hard Rock. Go get yourself a warg.

Hard rock seems the best path. Even if you have to get a warg to go do it.

I like the idea of joining Giuffria's clan. But having your own warg sounds awesome to.

Will have to look into what it takes to raise one before you decide.

I think your body mass is too light to be a tiger. You won't be able to snort/ingest/inject enough of anything to not be a laughingstock. You're literally a lightweight. Best to go with plan hard rock and find you a puppy.

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/10/17(Fri)07:21 No. 598657 ID: 215882
File 141355568409.png - (21.67KB , 800x800 , lDD22Tf.png )

Well, your inner voices did not help resolving your conundrum in any significant way. Becoming one of Broken Bones was out of the question from the start and joining Black Metal is in the realm of fiction. So the choice is still between Hard Rock and White Tiger. Wargs are apex predators of no equal and there’s always a slim chance you could befriend a puppy…is it even linguistically sound to call a warg-spawn a puppy? But being recognised as trustworthy and fashionable could go a long way for your career in Overlord’s service – unfortunately, you’re quite traditional when it comes to orc appearance.

But that can wait. You finally arrive to the quartermaster’s post. Well, you call it that because its owner is the closest thing to a quartermaster you have in this place. This is the home and store of Kasaan the Mad, a merchant so brave or so immeasurably insane that he willingly trades goods in this cutthroats’ paradise. From the stories you’ve heard, the latter is more likely and it seems to run in the family – Kasaan says he has a relative in the far east that sells something called “camel”. Who would buy a thing with such a silly name?

You steel yourself for what is about to happen and you turn the knob on the door.

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/10/17(Fri)07:22 No. 598658 ID: 215882
File 141355573849.png - (21.38KB , 800x800 , iO4w7sU.png )

“HI, KASAAN THE MAD HERE, THIS TIME INTRODUCING THE SLICE WIZARD, A NEW INNOVATIVE BLADE THAT IS SO EFFICIENT THAT IT MAY WELL BE A WIZARD! DID YOU-”

“HOLD IT!” You bellow the words confidently with your arm outstretched pointing at the weirdly dressed merchant. “I HAVE COME FOR WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MY MASTER’S AND YOU SHALL RELINQUISH IT TO ME!”

“AHA!” Kasaan responds as he now points at you. “I KNOW OF THAT DEAL. I AM OWED FOURTEEN GOLDEN DUCATS FOR THESE FINE AND RARE GOODS. TAKE THAT!”

“OBJECTION! FOURTEEN IS FAR TOO MUCH FOR SUCH BASIC ITEMS. YOU SHALL RECEIVE NO MORE THAN TEN AND ONLY BECAUSE OF THE PAINTS AND CANVAS.”

The merchant scowls at you for devaluing his wares. You scowl back. And then he explodes into laughter.

“Ha ha, I have taught an orc how to haggle. How I missed that from my homeland. No one knows how to haggle properly here. Always with knives and cudgels. Here are your things, Karaskul, and send my regards to the Overlord.”

“Wait, Kasaan, there are some more things I need. Overlord demands MOUNTAIN DEW and I’d like to see what you’ve got to offer as armour and clothing for myself.”

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/10/17(Fri)07:26 No. 598660 ID: 215882
File 141355600493.png - (19.63KB , 800x800 , sdsUrRY.png )

“I have a great assortment of what you seek, but I have no MOUNTAIN DEW in store.”

“You do that every time they change the name of something. It’s not funny anymore. Just give me however they call it now.”

“You misunderstand me, lad. There is no jest. I haven’t received a shipment or news of its delay for weeks.”

You seem to hear a sound in your skull similar to cracking of glass.

[Roll a d100 for your sanity.]
[Highest odd two-digit number of the first five rolls will mark your mental stability.]
[Highest even two-digit number of the first five rolls will represent the amount of stress on you.]
[Amount of stress will be subtracted from mental stability. Positive value will keep you levelheaded, negative value will cause momentary madness.]
[Rolling a 100 is automatic pass and the next stressful situation won’t daze you.]

(You need to be a defense attorney for your overlord should he ever be captured and put on trial by humans, you're a natural. Just trust me on this one.)

rolled 92 = 92

---

Pray to the dice gods. And sanity gods.

rolled 55 = 55

---

Jegus fuck that's a lot of sanity loss.

rolled 30 = 30

---

>>598660
Welp, we have such a high stress value.

rolled 33 = 33

---

Welp. Looks like we're going to be insane for bit. I guess we're in the right place for it, though.

rolled 24 = 24

---

Rolling for maybe not flipping out like mad.

wait! this is a good thing! we tell master that the dew masters have been captured and until freed there will be no more, and he will crusade across the land to get it.

rolled 14 = 14

---

rollan'

That's six rolls, one more than we needed.
Stability: 55
Stress: 92
We're boned.

>>598673
That's right! We can use this as an excuse for BLOODY MURDER.

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/11/13(Thu)03:30 No. 602024 ID: bd6eea
File 141587820880.png - (22.63KB , 800x800 , 8Sn5Eq6.png )

Korkulush shart snagga! This is NOT according to plan at all! You have to fix this and quickly! Batru ek rskandil! Agri atar skum! Fear, rage and uncertainty now course through you and you’re losing control of your own thoughts. What is most base and bestial in you starts rearing its head. Logic completely abandons you.

“KASAAN! A MAP OF REALM! MUST…FIX WRONG! HEADS WILL ROLL! KEEP GROCERIES SAFE!”

Kasan is visibly disturbed by your state, even now you can recognise that. Fortunately, madmen understand the needs of the mad. Kasaan nods and starts rummaging through his inventory. Shortly, he places a map before you and as you reach out to take it, the merchant extends his hand, sword in it. It’s an odd one, with a curved blade.

“It’s dangerous to go alone. Take this.”

You instinctively grab the curved sword from his hand and make for the door, without a word of thanks. The moment you’re out, you begin to scream your lungs out and charge for the fortress’ gate.

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/11/13(Thu)03:31 No. 602026 ID: bd6eea
File 141587829532.png - (28.56KB , 800x800 , n274eRj.png )

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/11/13(Thu)03:33 No. 602027 ID: bd6eea
File 141587839642.png - (24.13KB , 800x800 , 5lIruIF.png )

You’ve been running aimlessly for good two hours and your “momentary” madness finally started to wear off. You’re perfectly aware that what you did was not only crazy, but also stupid. The world outside Ostraya is not a place for a lone orc. You could be shanked by some adventurer at any moment and stripped of all your modest possessions. And when you say stripped, you mean stripped. A butt-naked orc corpse is not a pleasant sight, no matter the perspective.

You guess that you ran for some thirty miles before you came to your senses. You had to stumble upon this meadow. Ugh, it’s so cheery with all the butterflies and crickets and painful moaning…

Wait, painful moaning? Gods, you’re not alone here! It’s coming from those charred bushes! It could be the aforementioned stabby adventurer! What should you do? WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

What's the map for?

Wat do?

Investigate the moan, carefully of course.

Prepare to be shanked. You are in shank country after all.

>two hours
>thirty miles
Damn that's a nice pace.

Equip sword, investigate noise.

Investigate voice, hide behind sheep

If you run into a adventurer pretend to be a quest giver. You could be a greater demon with a convoy of slave girls and as long as you are sitting by the side of the road dispensing quests you would be safe from them.

Ah yes. We're a real orc now. Try using SNEAK on BUSH. With any luck we can scope him out before he realizes we're in shanking range.

What if it's a warg pup tho

>>602271
Then we get it to love us by healing it if its hurt, loving it and showering it with attention (And probably discipline it so it doesn't disrespect us by eating our spleen)...and feed it live victims and let it mutilate the corpses of the fallen. But it will be the most ADORABLE murder machine ever.

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/11/18(Tue)09:14 No. 603491 ID: da893b
File 141633087118.png - (19.55KB , 800x800 , nyISS4d.png )

You muster your courage and unsheathe your new sword. And then it hits you. You have no idea how to fight with a curved sword. You can’t use it like the longswords and shortswords you’re used to, the balance of the blade is completely different. Maybe sneaking up to the bush and surprising whomever it is in there would yield results that do not include changes to your well-being? Yes, that’s a good idea. Thanks, voices!

You swiftly but stealthily run toward the sheep with the stupid-looking smile and grab it into a headlock. Now it can’t make noise and it will serve as both a shield from any possible attacks and a clever disguise. Oddly enough, the stupid thing doesn’t show any discomfort and keeps smiling…maybe it’s smiling even harder. You’re disgusted by the thought of a four-legged asphyxiation fetishist.

You begin drawing closer to the suspicious bush.

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/11/18(Tue)09:15 No. 603493 ID: da893b
File 141633095602.png - (41.27KB , 800x800 , x3frVgY.png )

You peek from behind the sheep into the bush and it’s a sight to see. Half of a charred skeleton, lying on its back, what little armour left on the thing still smoking a bit, with no legs in sight. Thank the Darkness, no adventurers here. You got really worried for a second there. But wait. You’re sure you heard moaning and there’s only a dead guy in the bush. Did a wizard burn this guy to a crisp but not before he was wounded? CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

Suddenly, a hand rises from the bush followed by a moan and it startles you. You tactically jump away from the bush now that you’re the ambushed instead of the ambusher. The charred hand points at the sheep and a voice is heard from the bush.

“Would you please move this wooly creature away, I’m in agony here! *COUGH*”

Great, it’s just an undead. And now, you’re angry with it because it scared the ever-loving crap out of you.

“You’re already dead. Dead don’t feel pain, so why are you moaning and coughing in there, bag of bones?”

The hand tries to shoo away the still-smiling sheep and the skeleton answers your question.

“Old habits die hard. *COUGH* *groan* Say, would you kindly lend a hand to a fellow creature of darkness?”

>Say, would you kindly lend a hand to a fellow creature of darkness?
...depends. What are you asking?

Looks like you already got two hands, buddy. What did you need help with?

Ooh, if he doesn't have legs anywhere in sight, can we transport him on the sheep? Or will piggyback have to suffice.

Ask him how he got in that situation (in case there's adventurers about) and then demand he tell you everything he knows about the dew caravans.

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/11/22(Sat)17:42 No. 604434 ID: ba8549
File 141670696612.png - (28.67KB , 800x800 , n080zH3.png )

“Looks like you already got two hands, friend.” Witty remarks at opportune times are your forte. You didn’t even strain yourself for this one.

“Ha! *COUGH* That is quite…humerus. A shame orcs like you rarely reach maturity. Your kind doesn’t react well to sass. Not a funny bone in them.”

That’s not quite true. Orcs are fairly tolerant of impudence…as long as it’s among equals. A chieftain, for example, cannot afford disrespect, else he or she will be challenged for the position far sooner than usual. This is a stereotype spread by adventurers who saw an incident or two and assumed it to be the norm. It is sad that other minions believe in such slanderous hogwash.

“Did adventurers do this to you?”

“Oh no, nothing of the sort. I got caught in a fire blast three fields away from here and landed in this here bush.” The skeleton grabs his side like a banged-up human would and groans as if he is in pain. Undead are silly sometimes.

“Do you need to get somewhere? You’re too big for me to carry you, so you could ride the sheep.”

“I’d rather crawl all the way to my master’s lair than fraternise with that creature. I’d suggest you stop touching it. The things I saw it do…”

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/11/22(Sat)17:43 No. 604435 ID: ba8549
File 141670700595.png - (22.67KB , 800x800 , roMXn8p.png )

You step away from the ungulate. Undead are not easily repulsed – who knows what this animal was doing before you arrived? You knew from the start that some bad vibes emanate from the critter.
“So what do you actually need help with?”

“If you’d stop assuming, I could tell you.” The skeleton has a point. You make a motion to note that your lips are sealed and the skeleton continues. “I need someone to reach my master’s lair as quickly as possible to tell him that we were attacked by an elder dragon and that his elven slaves have been taken hostage. Since, you know, I’m not exactly in any shape to do that with haste.” He coughs for emphasis and groans yet again. This is getting a little bit too annoying. Though, this might be a good opportunity to pull some interrogation tactics.

“I’m caught up in finding out what happened to MONTAIN DEW shipments, so if you have any information on that, I might spare some time to inform your master about this problem.”

“Well, then we’re both in luck. My master concocts that swill to finance his experiments and campaigns against the living. Do you, by any chance, have a map with you?”

You can’t believe your fortune. You always wanted to meet the creator of the beverage the Overlord loves so much. If it weren’t for the circumstances, this would be like a holiday for you. The map is quickly unfolded before the skeleton and he marks the spot with his charred finger, leaving an ashen trail.

“Go, fellow minion. Now that I have unburdened myself, I have a bone to pick with that woolen abomination.”

Should you really leave him behind? How hard can it be to deal with a sheep as stupid as that one? After all, keeping your Dark Lord well-supplied is of utmost importance. So why are you hesitating to be on your way? It’s not like minions gain experience and power for doing random things like adventurers do…

>>604435
Help the skeleton kill the sheep! Well, after watching the fight for a bit. I'm sure it'll look hilarious. Or disturbing, if the sheep starts... doing... things.

ah, wait. we never got his name. or whatever his master calls him by. would help us prove that our info is true rather then us being some random ork spouting nonsense.

and then make haste. mayhaps give him your secondary weapon.

>I need someone to reach my master’s lair as quickly as possible to tell him that we were attacked by an elder dragon and that his elven slaves have been taken hostage
Wait... this isn't going to be one of those bearer of bad new situations, is it? It doesn't help my master much if your master kills the me-ssenger.

That said, you do need the dew.

It's just an ordinary sheep isn't it?

Kill it, make wool into sweater for overlord.

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/12/05(Fri)19:00 No. 609240 ID: 30462e
File 141783484978.png - (36.00KB , 800x800 , wzYpUxS.png )

Fortunately for yourself, you realised that, without knowing who sent you and who you are supposed to look for in the lair of skeleton’s master, reaching your destination would’ve been a lot of walking for nothing. And you really didn’t have the time to wait for the skeleton to work out his sheep-related grudges. So, if there ever was a time for you to get your murder on with some decapitation, it was probably just now. You note that wool is now most likely ruined, being drenched in blood and all.

“Not to sound ungrateful for the assistance, but why did you help me? It was my vendetta.”

“Yeah, I’m not really keen on doing the ‘shoot the messenger’ routine with your master, so I decided it would be better to take you along with me. And watching you slap that sheep was kind of sad.”

“Didn’t you tell me that you can’t carry me just a minute ago?”

“I was figuring, since all living beings are actually dormant skeletons waiting to shed the mortal coil, you could fuse with its bones and form a centaur or something. Because magic.”

“Necromancy doesn’t work that way. You racist.”

An awkward silence sets in.

Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/12/05(Fri)19:03 No. 609242 ID: 30462e
File 141783500437.png - (28.26KB , 800x800 , MVpsxKv.png )

“So, uh... Why were you so hostile toward the lamb fillet over there?”

“Oh. I didn’t say the reason, did I? It killed my brother.”

What? How does a singular sheep kill a man? You would understand a flock of sheep killing a person, but one? Just as you were about to call him out on his nonsense, you hear the sound of bones snapping and flesh ripping. From inside of the headless carcass. You look at your skeletal compatriot and he looks at you, confused and worried as much as you are. Well, for a skeleton. And then – nothing.

Maybe you decapitated it with such force that it took some time for the carcass to realise how much you owned BY ALL THIRTEEN HELLS AND PRIME EVILS, WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

>>609242
Well don't just stand there, help the man out of the carcass.

Ask if it ate his brother. And if that is his gauntlet.

>>609242
...it ate your brother?!

grab gauntlet. pull as hard as your little orc arms can manage.

What the fuck man. At least you might be able to carry this one. Oh, can we use it's skin as an impromptu sled? One that we drag skeleton man around on?

1/2 Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/12/11(Thu)06:26 No. 610685 ID: 5f4fa9
File 141830797475.png - (31.25KB , 800x800 , gVkTW7k.png )

Despite your better judgement, you drop your sword and quickly grab the gauntlet and start pulling it. Soon, it is in your hands, detached from the carcass. You suspect it might be something that remains from the skeleton’s brother. You decide to confirm your suspicions.

“Did this belong to your brother? Did the sheep eat him?”

The skeleton is surprised by your choice of action, but manages to respond to your question.

“My brother was a simple shepherd, he had nothing that fancy on him. He just withered to dust before my eye sockets while he-”

His voice cuts off and he points towards you, jaws wide open. You feel movement in your grip. Only now, at this very moment, do you realise that this isn’t the best move you’ve made in your life. In fact, it may be the worst one yet.

2/2 Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/12/11(Thu)06:27 No. 610686 ID: 5f4fa9
File 141830805025.png - (56.92KB , 800x800 , 9mTRZt4.png )

The gauntlet shifts violently in your hands and frees itself from your grip. The sounds of bones breaking and flesh ripping intensify as the carcass bloats and stretches in an unnatural dance. Before you could react in any way, the gauntlet grabs you by your tunic and drags you closer to the bloody neck stump.

For a moment, you think it will drag you inside. But then, everything stops. No movement. No growth. No force. Just as you think that all is over, the carcass pops in an explosion of gore, blood and bone. You open your eyes and see yourself unharmed, no bone shrapnel in you, but if you were stained with blood before, now you’re completely drenched in it. A thought crosses your mind that the sheepskin is most probably ruined beyond salvage. However, another problem seems to be at hand. You are not with your feet firmly on the ground. You are hanging by your tunic. From the gauntlet. Attached to an arm.

“Aaawww, you freed me from the master’s curse. Does that mean you reconsidered my offer?”

That voice. You know that voice. From years back. The cookie jar incident. The only time you failed to do your duty in your whole life. The last time you dared to cry. Because of HER.

“I’m actually flattered that you went through so much trouble. Not to mention that you probably did all this against Overlord’s will. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’re in love with me.”

The succubus. Fate is truly a cruel mistress.

Say, You shall not tempt me wench! ....
Or insert any other cheesy line about resisting temptation/women or something. Or.... maybe sweet talk her into letting you go?

Kick her teeth in.

Tell her to go to Ostraya and give a status report to your overlord:

/You're on a quest for another master - the maker of mountain dew. With any luck, you should be able to find the recipe for mountain dew so that the overlord will never go thirsty again. Also, should you bring back any of the elven slaves, or just return all of them to the mountain dew maker?/

Then tell her to pay reparations to the undead. She killed his brother in a feral nom.

"No. No I did not. In fact, if you will set me down, I've got an errand to run. No thank you to your offer."
Get going if she will allow you to.

>Does that mean you reconsidered my offer?
What was her offer?

>>610686
Tell her you are on a mission and you had no idea she was in that sheep.

Sorry, you thought you were slaying livestock, not raiding a piñata.

oh PLEASE don't bring me into that there dread fortress which is over somewhere that I ran from a few minutes ago. It would be soooooo very bad for mwe!

>>610686
...what was the offer?

Tell her you're gonna need a reminder as to what this offer was. Tell her that if you knew she was in there, you never woulda done what you did.

I'm not sure what the offer is but it sounds great, especially with the view.

1/3 Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/12/22(Mon)00:30 No. 613872 ID: eb4b5a
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“Your offers are lost on me! You shall not tempt me with your empty promises! And I had no idea you were in that sheep! AND! I purposely forgot all about your offer!”

The succubus looks a bit disappointed for a moment. And then she giggles. It reminds you of that one paladin she forced to break each and every single vow he had ever made to his god. Even the one about teaching orphans to read. That was just because she’s a meanie.

“Too bad. You could’ve had all the cookies in the world if you had accepted. What is being bound to a demoness for all eternity in exchange for the limitless supply of that delicious baked dough? Though I understand why you’re angry, it was me who tempted you into eating them. But I promised that they would taste great. Did I lie to you? And he would have been none the wiser if you hadn’t gone crying to him and confessed the mischief. By the Nether Realm, you took TWO from a jar of THIRTY.”

“What… Who is this demonic wench? You know her?! Was it she who… killed my brother?”

The skeleton seems revolted by your apparent acquaintance with the infernal harlot. Rightly so, you surmise. It does seem quite suspicious that you know his brother’s murderer… who you set free from her wooly cage. The succubus glances at the bony fellow. She is amused by the mess she caused. Her imprisonment changed absolutely nothing about her. And you have a feeling she’s about to make the situation even worse.

“I see you started making other friends, my little one. I think… I don’t like that.”

You try to kick her in the face, but before your foot of an angry god can connect to her teeth, she drops you onto the ground like a used-up handkerchief, completely unaware of your attempted assault. The pain in your rear is quite unpleasant as you landed on your tail bone. The undead has her undivided attention.

“Which one was your brother again? I’ve lost count to how many sheep fuckers I drained. I do recall three rams, though. Was he one of those?”

The skeleton stares at her, unable to process the inanity of her statement.

“Sorry, that was a stupid insult. Let me start over.”

2/3 Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/12/22(Mon)00:33 No. 613873 ID: eb4b5a
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You manage to get up on your feet and pick up your curved sword. You tighten your hands around the grip, charge at the demoness and swing the blade at her. Your strike was quite half-assed, but she still yelps.

“Ow! Why did you do that?!” Her expression changes from that of pain to the one of mischief. “Do it again!”

“What?! No! It-it-it wasn’t in that context! You were really rude to him! Apologise for killing his brother with your…stuff. And restitute him.”

“Even if I did K-word him, which I can’t really deny, I don’t think an apology would settle the matter. And how am I to restitute him? He’s a skeleton; I have nothing to work with!”

The skeleton waves at the two of you to grab your attention. “I’d be willing to accept one.”

“Accept what?” The succubus asks.

“An apology.” The skeleton replies in a smarmy way. She raises her eyebrow at him. “My brother was a poor husband, a poor father and a poor shepherd. He even sold my remains to my master. A waste of space, if you will, but he was still kin. If you apologise and pay weregild to my family, my duty would be fulfilled and I wouldn’t have to avenge him anymore.” You look at the she-demon expectantly.

“Yeah, whatever.” She rolls her eyes. “Sorry for draining the life out of your sheep-fucking brother. As recompense, I offer the gift of the First Flame – the Dark Soul. Give it to one of your brother’s sons and one of his descendants will become a Dark Lord.”

The skeleton accepts the shimmering black thing and thanks her. She assures him that she only did that because of you. You ask her through a whisper if it’s smart to give away such artefacts to strangers. She then assures you in turn that a long time will have to pass before that becomes a problem - many generations and a lot of dumb luck. And peasantry rarely has either.

3/3 Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2014/12/22(Mon)00:38 No. 613874 ID: eb4b5a
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The skeleton carefully lodges the gift within his ribcage and turns to you.

“Thank you for all your help, young orc. I don’t think we introduced each other. I am overseer Aethelstan, in service of the Horned Lord of Prydain, and I think I may call you friend. In a way, I do owe my undeath to you.”

A friend? Well, you suppose you should answer a courtesy with a courtesy.

“Uh, well met. I am Karaskul, the, uh, personal assistant of the Overlord of Ostraya. Oh, and this is Ash.” The succubus quickly butts in on your introduction.

“Only my friends and my pets call me that. And I don’t consider a relationship spanning five minutes a friendship, nor do I have need for a fleshless pet. It’s Ashtoreth.” Well, at least she no longer wants to expire him. That has to be an improvement. And you can still use Aethelstan to get MOUNTAIN DEW.

That reminds you. No one except Kasaan knows that you left the fortress. If you’re honest, Kasaan isn’t really good at informing others about anything. And your errand wasn’t supposed to take this much time. Maybe Ash could go back and tell Overlord where you are and what you are doing?

“Ash, could you return to the fortress and tell the Dark Lord that I had to leave Ostraya to complete the task he had given me?”

“Are you still mad at me about the cookies?”

“Yes.”

“Then one favour is more than enough for you today. I’m not that eager to explain to him how you freed me from the curse he placed on me for messing with his experiments. I’d rather have some fun with you.”

“I guess that makes se- WHAT?!” You instinctively raise your sword, even though you have no idea how to effectively fight with it.

“Ugh, not like that, you dummy. I have no use of you dead, remember?” She notices your weapon and her annoyance dissipates rather quickly. Now she seems quite interested in it. Strangely so. “Give me your sword for a moment.”

Should you?

>>613874
Sure, why the fuck not.
Not like we know what we're doing with it, and if she was gonna do something violent with it she'd just take it.

>>613874

Give it up. Get Ash on your side. She might be annoying to you but she'd also be a big help in the long run.

>>613874
Let's play her game for now. Wouldn't want her to get mad at us in the long run

>Should you?
If she were going to do something bad, it's not like she couldn't take the sword from you by force, or worse.

You only miss out on potential good stuff by refusing, since she could force the bad on your anyways.

Do it.

Look, she seems way more fun than the Overlord and she's more actively evil. Yeah, I know you're the most loyal minion, that's probably why she likes you in the first place.

On that note, you should play hard to get. Never appear to willingly give in to her. She seems to like that and if you can play a bit of chess you might be able to manipulate her by using that bit of information. Try a few 'briar patch' moves. SUBTLE ONES.

Also, find out how she got herself cursed.

>>613874
I’m not quite sure if that is nice. She can look at it, but it remains yours, kay? Not like she really needs a sword.

>Sure, Ash, but you can only look!

What will you give me if I let you look at it?

>>613874
Go ahead, what's the worst that could happen if you give her your "weapon."

1/2 Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2015/01/04(Sun)03:51 No. 617823 ID: 423a7a
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You weigh your options quickly in your mind and giving her the sword seems to be the best one. If she wanted to do something hazardous to your health, she could have done it around 22.3 times within this time interval.

“Okay, Ash, you can have the sword if you give it back, but do I get something for it?” You ask, trying to look confident.

The succubus places her index finger on her lips as she looks around like she is thinking of something. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe…” And the demoness is suddenly all up in your face. She stares you down, with her face contorted. It’s still her face, but a thousandfold scarier than usual.


"̵̭͍̬̉ͦ̾̏̎̀͘Ÿ̮͓̙̰̉ͬ͌̽͢͜o͕̘͂ͯ̄̓͋ͤû͓͕̘̐̈́̌̈́̚r̯̫̣̫̲͛̽ͥ̈̍̋́̀ ̵̷̤ͧ̉̏͑͋̔ͅc̹̙̤̥̭͍̈͡o͉̺̤ͩn̛̘͔̖̯̳̜̬̙̏ͯ̐̑ͩ̆́͡t̩͑̉ͨͨ̂ͨ͊͟i͖͙͇̪̝͌̎͗͞ṋ̵̬̱͆͒̒̊̑̒ũ͎̲̖̟̣̣̫̻͗͑̋͘e̲̫̩̎́ͯ̽̈́̂ͯ͠d̊ͤͫ҉҉̭ ̷̨̦̹̲ͮ̓̚͞e̥̥̥̦̦̊͋͟x̬͇̟̲̊̈́̅̌͗ͧî̘̹͚̯̦̓̉̾̃ͩ̊̒́s̰̮̗̦̒ṯ̢̬͉͊̒ͪ̐͢͠e̶̴̼̝͚͕ͧͤͭ̿ͥ̃ͦ͜n̷͚̫̭͙͙̺͔͛̅ͥ̾͂͐ͪ͐͑c̵͎̼̺̻̰̤͊ͦ̓ͯ̈ͯ̐ͮ
ẹ̖̱̫͊̀̏͋̈́́̚͘͝?̧̱̺͉̠̱̜͕͕̆ͩͦ́̚"̵̘̦̝̭̃ͯ͆͋̀ͨͩ


Her nightmarish voice erases any confidence you might have mustered and you back down, handing over the sword. You’re glad you didn’t eat or drink anything since the last potty break, else you’d be dealing with an accident right now.

As she takes the sword, Ash starts laughing hysterically, holding her belly from the intensity of her laughter. “You should’ve seen your face! This never gets old with you.” She walks up to the puddle of blood and gore she made by exploding out of the sheep, without even apologising for almost scaring the green off you. But, as she moves away, you hear her say something under her breath almost absentmindedly as she looks at the blade. “The curse may be lifted only by a weapon possessed by one of your kin. Is he…pfft, no.” Now what’s that about?

Ashtoreth begins whirling the blade through the air with great skill. While she’s doing that, Aethelstan draws your attention with a whisper. “Are you certain it is safe to have her around? She seems…unstable.”

“Nothing is ever safe with demons. You can only go along with the ride and hope for the best.” Your answer is not a reassuring one because it’s not meant to be. Aethelstan makes a body motion as if he is gulping, but without the accompanying sound. It strikes you as odd since he demonstrated his coughing capabilities before.

A cry turns your eyes back to Ash. “DRINK, HEATHENBANE! AWAKEN, INFIDEL-RENDER!” She shouts as she drives the sword into the ground in the center of her gory mess. CRUD!

You shield your eyes, awaiting something to happen. A blast, a shimmer of light, a geyser of blood, anything. But nothing happens. How anti-climactic. It seems to be a theme in your life.

2/2 Skrakar!!N5AGIyZQx3 2015/01/04(Sun)03:55 No. 617824 ID: 423a7a
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Then you notice that blood is slowly disappearing and a moment later, far more quickly. It streams up the curved blade, vanishing into the cross-guard. An unfamiliar voice begins to speak.

“Tis an odd aroma. Blood of an innocent spilled, yet corruption pervades within. Thy offering is accepted. Thou hast awakened Gurthang the Zealous. His service is thine.”

A monstrous eye opens in the middle of the sword’s cross-guard, red as arterial blood; its cat-like iris dances around as it takes in the surroundings. It fixes its sight upon Ash.

“Salutations upon thee, whore of Inferno.”

She smiles, pulls the sword out of the ground and hugs it. “Hello, granddad!”

Wait. Granddad? Grandfather?! A sword sired a demon that spawned your tormentor of a succubus? It is official. Now you have heard everything that can be heard on this plane.

“Methinks tis not the time for further pleasantries, granddaughter. Wilt thou deliver me to mine new liege? Battle and glory await!”

What is he talking about? What liege? Why is he talking in that annoying fashion? What’s Ash playing at with walking toward you and presenting the sword to- Oh. Yeah, that’s why.

The eye looks at you and, somehow, it frowns with slight creaking of steel. Then the grandfather addresses his granddaughter.

“Tis no time for jest with lowly orcs, lass. Mine liege hast need of me!”

The succubus averts her sight, unable to look him in the…eye. “Yeah, about that… I don’t know how to break it to you…”

A beat passes. You see a spark of realisation in the sword’s eye. And then he declares.

“Fornicate mineself.”

>>617824
Tell the sword that you are Karaskul, the personal assistant to the Overlord of Ostraya, and that you're not really its liege, but your master is. You're just been entrusted with the sword by your master, and you will treat it as if the Overlord is watching you himself.
Ain't that right?

>>617824
Tell the sword of your mission!

Wow, you got a much better deal buying that sword than you thought.

>A sword sired a demon that spawned your tormentor of a succubus?
Try not to think too much about how the mechanics of a sword siring anything would work.

>>617824
Are you sure your granddad wouldn’t have preferred staying asleep for a time longer?

you want to join a clan? you better practice some boasting. inform the blade of the honor that is to be wielded by the Overlord's most trusted.