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In memory of Flyin' Black Jackson
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File 139632474359.png - (58.85KB , 800x600 , de burger.png )
568248 No. 568248 ID: e1609c

Sometimes, when times are rough, a man just needs his goddam burger.
But sometimes, that same goddam burger is unable to be reached through conventional means.
Expand all images
>>
No. 568249 ID: e1609c
File 139632485002.png - (38.07KB , 800x600 , 1.png )
568249

Meet Carlos.
He's in jail for horrible crimes against humanity.
He's also been in here about two centuries now, due to being an ageless vestige of pure magical expertise.
However, without the magical greasewad that is the Burg, Carlos can't do much more than create some sparks with a snap.
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No. 568252 ID: e1609c
File 139632513965.png - (68.35KB , 800x600 , 2.png )
568252

Peering out through the rusty ill-maintained (yet still surprisingly solid) bars of his cage, Carlos can peer out at the sight that has taunted him for most of his existence since the last guard died several years ago.
He can almost taste it from here, the delicious scent of the magically-infused meat-patty wafts through the bars.
And yet, for the past hundred and fifty years, he has been unable to find a way to get to it.
So many years spent in this cage, the object that would enable his freedom being dangled a mere yard away from him like this, has led him to become somewhat mad, in both senses of the word.
Today marks the first day he'd start hearing the voices, which would likely become both a boon and a horrible malady for the aging magician.
So it came to pass that the long journey to snatch that burg off the goddam table would begin.
>_
>>
No. 568259 ID: 2c6ff1

>>568252
Rattle the bars. Maybe after all these years they're loose.
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No. 568263 ID: a787ef

You sure the burg is still good after all these years?

Well any way perhaps you should have practiced using ambient burg energy. I mean only casting with burg in the hand is a weakness.

So yeah it appears the only thing you could do is try breaking the bars
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No. 568340 ID: 113912

You're wearing a robe, and you can set it on fire with sparks right? Surely there's is something useful we can do with that.
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No. 568379 ID: e1609c
File 139636267745.png - (29.15KB , 800x600 , 3.png )
568379

>>568259
Your withered arms, sapped of their one-rippling musculature by aeons of immobility, are barely even able to raise above your head, let alone break the magick-infused bars of your cage.
>>568263
Burgs are unnaffected by the passage of time due to their high magicka content.
>>568340
It's cold and you are highly recalcitrant to do something to make your living arrangements any more uncomfortable. Plus, no plans immediately spring to mind.

>_
>>
No. 568383 ID: e31ca1

what, you haven't been working out and practicing magic in that cage all this time? what the hell have you been doing, just sitting there? damn guy it's like you don't even really *want* that burger
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No. 568384 ID: e1609c
File 139636355162.png - (58.41KB , 800x600 , 4.png )
568384

>>568383
It's been several hundred years, and there's not much you can do of either without the right fuel.
Meat products (burgs in particular) are well-known for their magickal properties, while fruits and veggies help with keeping muscles going.
As you can imagine, spending that long in exile someone eventually forgot to feed the ageless resource hog somewhere fifty years in and nobody's been in since.
At this point trying to exercise would just bring you pointless pain.
>_
>>
No. 568385 ID: a0267c

Ok it's time to set your life straight it's time for some calisthenics! Start doing bodyweight exercises to get ripped.
You have been waiting for 150 years so 6 months will probably go by in a blink and then you will be strong enough to bend those bars.

Become the muscle wizard!
>>
No. 568387 ID: a0267c

>>568384
True you need to eat big to get big.

Start rattling your chains and moaning to see if anyone hears it.
>>
No. 568388 ID: e1609c
File 139636400763.png - (50.32KB , 800x600 , 5.png )
568388

>>568385
As you JUST SAID, you don't have the required CALORIC INTAKE needed to GET HUGE!

>_
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No. 568389 ID: e1609c
File 139636442428.png - (9.07KB , 800x600 , 6.png )
568389

>>568387
You feebly bat at the shackles.
You hear something move in the next room, but figure its probably just the rats again.
>>
No. 568390 ID: e1609c

>_
>>
No. 568392 ID: a0267c

It might be a person, start creating sparks by snapping to a beat. And start whistling or humming if you can't whistle.
>>
No. 568393 ID: e31ca1

>>568392
SEDUCE THEM WITH THE POWER OF MUSIC
start a percussive band with snapping sparks and rattling chains and harmonic moaning!
>>
No. 568402 ID: e1609c
File 139636816037.png - (12.66KB , 800x600 , 7.png )
568402

>>568392
>>568393
You start snapping/whistling out a beat.
It's terrible and you have no sense of rhythm.
It works though, and the noises start nearing the door to the cell room.
>>
No. 568403 ID: e1609c
File 139636818543.png - (7.38KB , 800x600 , 8.png )
568403

>>568402
Wait shit that shadow doesn't look like a rat
>>
No. 568407 ID: ffa549

Wait and see who this is. Be ready to play dead if you have to.
>>
No. 568421 ID: e1609c
File 139637176632.png - (15.53KB , 800x600 , 9.png )
568421

>>568407
A very stout-looking man of very diminutive height bursts into the room, startling you. There's no doubt if there'd been a door he'd have kicked it in for an initiative bonus or some stupidity like that.
Regardless, judging by that stonking huge sword, this is an ADVENTURER.
Perfect, just what an evil wizard on his immortal deathbed needed, someone to reap the exp for murdering him.
>_
>>
No. 568423 ID: ffa549

Don't be an immortal wizard to murder for xp.

Be a quest giver. (Can you use your sparks to make an exclamation point?). Oh brave warrior, I've been trapped here so long. Will you listen to a starving old man's request?

Then give him the fetch quest for the burger.
>>
No. 568431 ID: a0267c

You could also be a possible party member, a powerful wizard forever indebted to the brave hero who rescued you from your wrongful imprisonment.
>>
No. 568480 ID: 113912

>>568431
Forever? It's just a burg. That's like, a downpayment or an advance on our first payday in a collaborative enterprise. Once we've eaten a burg today we will still need side dishes, beverages and more food tomorrow so I can't support your view of a burg as worthy of a life-debt in itself.
>>
No. 569818 ID: e1609c

>>568423
Carlos forms a rough fascimile of an exclamation mark from his sparks. It's incredibly shitty.
>Oh brave warrior, I've been trapped here so long. Will you listen to a starving old man's request?
roll for intelligence check
>>
No. 569819 ID: e1609c
File 139701721077.png - (29.62KB , 800x600 , burg upd8.png )
569819

>>569818
dammit
>>
No. 569820 ID: 2c6ff1

>>569818
>>569819
You didn't say what die to roll.
>>
No. 569831 ID: 0ee153

rolled 716, 878, 701, 818, 468, 913, 841, 176, 501, 582, 28, 260, 661, 876, 769, 647, 894, 835, 864, 94, 542, 591, 197, 31, 758, 489, 595, 362, 139, 260, 877, 854, 139, 578, 673, 606, 491, 514, 782, 992, 97, 810, 252, 757, 686, 21, 405, 581, 856, 270 = 27727

Dice not specified, going with highest I can think of without spamming the email field.
>>
No. 569832 ID: 2c6ff1

rolled 12 = 12

You know what I'm just gonna roll a 1d20.
>>
No. 569841 ID: b7a896

rolled 19 = 19

Rollan
>>
No. 569848 ID: 0d658b

rolled 26 = 26

it's funny because 69 is a well-known sexual position.
>>
No. 569917 ID: ca0da5

rolled 65, 21 = 86

Here, I'll roll TWO dice for intelligence checks. First one's for you, second one's for him.
>>
No. 569918 ID: ca0da5

>>569917
Oh, nice, looks like my check says you're way smarter than him.
>>
No. 569928 ID: e1609c

>>569832
whoops. for future reference, i mean 1D20 when I ask for rolls.
Also, while this roll CAN be failed, its not easy to do so. Roll again, please.

>>
No. 569938 ID: 0ee153

rolled 12 = 12

Okay.
>>
No. 570053 ID: 0722de

>>569928
Hold on, were
>>569832
>>569841
both not good enough 1d20s?
>>
No. 570055 ID: 2c6ff1

>>569928
Roll again? Why? I refuse!
>>
No. 570135 ID: e1609c

>>570053
>>570055
>8'V
FINE I'LL COUNT THE FIRST D20 THEN. EESH.

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