Call the fire department!

Don't worry about your landlord. I'm sure you can work things out with him later.

>>373204
Turn off the gas, first and foremost. Don't open the door. Get a fire extinguisher first.

>>373205
That's a terrible thing to say to this young lady.
>>373204
Obviously you will have to let your roommate and your landlord dump spunk in you like a bank.

Also, put out the fire.

Beat that stove into submission with your own tail.

Betty 2011/12/17(Sat)23:28 No. 373261 ID: c460ad
File 132419328663.jpg - (236.29KB , 1000x654 , 02.jpg )

>>373206
I don't know how to turn off the gas! I've never used the fire extinguisher, either! I'll bet I'll screw it up, just like the pizza!

>>373205
By the time they get here, the whole apartment will probably burn down! We'd owe Mr. Schwartzman, like, a bazillion dollars!

>>373215
That's a terrible idea... But it's the best one I've got... Maybe I can do it before Midge wakes up, and...

MIDGE: Betty, what the hell are you doing?

I... I... Uhh....

Betty 2011/12/17(Sat)23:30 No. 373263 ID: c460ad
File 132419340459.jpg - (172.78KB , 1000x602 , 03.jpg )

MIDGE: Here... let me take care of that. Man, if you weren't my best friend, I'd...

Uhh... yeah... thanks for taking care of that.

MIDGE: Maybe we can get this mess cleaned up before Mr. Schwartzman comes to collect the monthly rent.

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

MIDGE: ....Or not.

Shit! What do we do now?

I AM COOKING WOULD YOU LIKE SOME PIZZA
HELP ME OUT AND I'LL GIVE YOU A SLICE

IT'S DELICIOUS

Tell him to come back in a minute, you're not decent. And busy. Doing things.

Betty 2011/12/18(Sun)10:57 No. 373349 ID: c460ad
File 132423462954.jpg - (167.55KB , 1000x596 , 04.jpg )

>>373279
That just might work!
Mr. Schwartzman! We're not even dressed! Please come back in an hour! We're not decent!

MIDGE: Yeah! What she said! Go away, please!

MR. SCHWARTZMAN: I don't care! This is the third month in a row that you ladies have tried to skip out on your rent, and naked or not, you're gonna pay it! Besides, I OWN this apartment! I have a key! I'm coming in RIGHT NOW!

>>373349
Strip and act flustered.

Later, bring him to court for sexual harassment. He walked in on you two with full knowledge of your state of dress. You could probably afford to buy a house with the money you'll get.

Betty 2011/12/18(Sun)11:00 No. 373351 ID: c460ad
File 132423485605.jpg - (211.64KB , 1000x526 , 05.jpg )

(Crap... then there's just one more thing to do...)

>>373264
Hey, Mr. Schwartzman! You caught us in the middle of cooking! Do you want some *chew* delicious *coughcough* .....pizza?

MR. SCHWARTZMAN: So THAT'S why it smells like smoke in here. You set the oven on fire AGAIN, didn't you, Betty? There better not be any smoke damage THIS time or so help me...

(Ughhh, what should we do NOW!?)

start crying and promise you'll get him the money you owe him

>>373351
complain that the gas hes pumping into the room is too dangerous.

...pay your rent?

Betty 2011/12/18(Sun)18:38 No. 373433 ID: c460ad
File 132426233089.jpg - (218.30KB , 1000x535 , 06.jpg )

>>373352
(That's a nice idea!)
WAHHH! We don't HAVE the MONEY! Please, have mercy!

>>373376
Besides... the gas...

MR. SCHWARTZMAN: Gas? What gas? Are you making a disparaging comment about my unfortunate bowel condition? You're a terrible person, and just for that, I should RAISE your rent. But being the kind, magnanimous monkey that I am, you only have to pay me the standard payment.

MIDGE: Take your stinking dough and get out of here!

*SLAM*

MIDGE: Well, that was a close one. We almost didn't have enough this month. As it is, we're broke now. Until I find work, Betty, you're going to have to provide for us.

But how will I do that? I only work part-time! I only work a few shifts a week! How can I support us both on that?

MIDGE: You're smart, Betty. Figure something out.

(Well, I might be boned. What should I do?)

>>373433
Murder-suicide pact.

>>373434

I love this. Let's go with this. Can we go with this?

no they're lives are not nearly pathetic enough yet to end it all

I suggest starting a life of crime, try and join the mafia if possible

Betty 2011/12/19(Mon)12:09 No. 373561 ID: c460ad
File 132432534663.jpg - (158.08KB , 1000x526 , 07.jpg )

>>373434
Well, Midge, we had a good run... I guess there's nothing left to do but go out with a bang... Shall we kill ourselves?

MIDGE: HAHA! Oh, Betty, always the kidder! Ha... Seriously, though. Come up with something, or we're kinda screwed.

I'll... I'll think of something.

>>373444
(A life of crime, huh? I never thought it would come to that... I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but... I'll have to give it some thought. Right now, I just need to go to work. Man, I hate going to work hungry, but I should have known that that pizza wouldn't work out. I'll go to work... but I will consider this... "life of crime." Of course, I don't even know how to go about STARTING a life of crime! How does one join the mafia, I don't believe I've even ever MET anyone in the Mafia! What should I do? ...After I go to work, that is?)

Ask a police officer for directions to the nearest mafia. They're always so helpful!

find the nearest italian restaurant they always have mafia connections, that's a good place to start

Things: At WORK ask around for CRIMINAL CONTACTS.
Also see if they're hiring and get Midge a DAMN JOB.

Also, consider murder suicide.

Betty 2011/12/19(Mon)21:37 No. 373642 ID: c460ad
File 132435947733.jpg - (145.76KB , 1000x621 , 08.jpg )

(So... I drive to work. I won't bore you with the details, but I finally get there)

MILLIE: Why, Betty, you're late again.

Sorry, Millie. There was a fire, and my landlord, and...

MILLIE: Still, you should have been on time. Punctuality is key.

*SIGH* Yes, Millie.

MILLIE: Now, as you know, today is payday! You'll get $200 at the end of the day, but you must work diligently! Why do you look so distracted?

I guess I just... have a lot on my mind.

>>373607
Hey, Millie? Would you consider hiring my friend, Midge? She's a great worker, a heck of a lot more practical than me! I'll bet you guys would really hit it off!

MILLIE: Well... I don't usually hire on recommendations. She will need to put in an application just like everyone else.

But you'll consider her?

MILLIE: If she applies...

Oh, thank you, Millie! You're a real pal!

MILLIE: *Awkward Silence*

>>373607
Also... Millie?

MILLIE: Yes?

Would you... I don't know... happen to know anything about the Mafia?

MILLIE: Why, I never! Do I look like some sort of hoodlum to you?

*SIGH* No, Millie.

MILLIE: I should hope I don't! Who do you think I am, that giraffe who works at Giovanni's Pizzaria?

That's it!

MILLIE: What?

Oh... nothing, never mind. I'm getting to work right now.

(Well, guys, I think I got a lead. I'll head straight to Giovanni's after my shift. I knew that there'd be SOMEONE with ties to the dark underbelly of this city SOMEWHERE in this huge mall! Now, to talk to that giraffe... Man, I don't even know what I should say to him! Can you guys help me out awhile so I have time to really think about it before I have to go talk to him? I'm so nervous!)

well the clear problem with your job is that sign.
no one wants to read, reading sucks.

what you need to do is replace it with a sign saying "FREE PORN!"

when they come up for some free porn tell them you are sold out, and then offer some national geographic instead, and promise it's almost as good!

your boss will be so impressed with all the extra money you racked in she'll no doubt let you get off early,

>>373646
This is the best idea! Make sure to tantalize the eager browser with compromising pictures of those weird long necked jingly ethnic ladies.


As for the Mafia, you're going to have to act like a TOUGH CHICK. Make sure you let this giraffe know that you're not afraid to cut a bitch. If you know what I'm saying.

I'm saying that you need to be ready to kill, Betty.

>>373646
Yes. This is what you must do. It's genius.

Betty 2011/12/20(Tue)14:58 No. 373768 ID: c460ad
File 132442191935.jpg - (175.84KB , 1000x641 , 09.jpg )

>>373646
(What!? EVERYONE loves to read! I love to read, Midge loves to read, Millie loves to read, even Harvey loves to read! Only nasty Mr. Schwartzman doesn't love to read, and that's because he doesn't love anything. Besides, Millie would kill me if I pulled a stunt like that. So, no. I love free porn as much as the next gecko, but that isn't going to happen.)

>>373664
(Well, OK. I think I can manage to act really, really tough. Just gotta get my war face on, which shouldn't be too hard, since all of your book hating already made me angry. Grr... just gonna pretend like I'm fighting some Stormcloaks and...)

HARVEY: Who, Betts. You look angry. Righteous indignation at the oppressive corporate system?

Oh, hey, Harvey. No, I'm just... making angry faces.

HARVEY: Oh, OK. Still pretty anti-authoritarian, I guess. I'm down with that.

Did you come to buy the latest installment of those vampire books you love so much? The new one just came out last week!

HARVEY: Nah, I already got that at the midnight release party. Actually, I knew your shift ended soon, so I came to see if you wanted to go shopping with me. I'm going to Hot Topic, and I guess we could go to that other store you like, too, I guess. Even though it's all corporate and mainstream and junk.

OK, Harvey! Wait... I don't have any money! Plus I have to go to Giovanni's after work!

HARVEY: Well, we could stop at Giovanni's for a slice, I guess.

Cool! But today's payday, and I can't blow my entire $200 at once, Midge is counting on me!

HARVEY: Aww, we both know that Midge can be kind of a wet blanket, Betts.

True...

(Oh, shit, what should I do? I love hanging out at the mall with Harvey, and we're going to go to Giovanni's anyway... but I don't think I can afford a shopping trip right now! What should I do!?)

He shops at Hot Topic. You must kill him.

tell him it's a date, that way he has to pay for everything

if he says no to the date run off crying, and off to Giovanni's

Eww. He reads twilight.
(Mental note: Do things that will get Mafia to hate Harvey so you can kill him AND make some sweet dough.)

$200 is nirvana to the broke girl, follow >>373853 if you want to go with him that badly.

1/2 Betty 2011/12/21(Wed)20:31 No. 374140 ID: c460ad
File 132452827205.jpg - (177.12KB , 1000x620 , 10.jpg )

>>373847
(WHAT!? OK, now you're just screwing with me, right? Harvey's a little weird... And it's kinda annoying how he doesn't understand the difference between "mainstream" and "underground".... But he's been like a brother to me ever since high school! Other than Midge, he's my best friend in the whole world! I could never kill him....)

>>373853
(...and it's also why I could never date him! EWWW! It'd totally be like incest! Besides, he's really not my type.)

HARVEY: Well, I guess I can understand you being broke and all. Tell you what? We'll put the shopping trip off until you have your rent taken care of. But I'll treat you to a slice at Giovanni's since you want to go there so much. You'll just owe me later, alright?

Thanks, Harv! You're the best!

HARVEY: It's whatever, Betts. You know I got your back.

Ha... you almost smiled, didn't you?

HARVEY: Never!

2/2 Betty 2011/12/21(Wed)20:35 No. 374143 ID: c460ad
File 132452854507.jpg - (196.81KB , 1000x626 , 11.jpg )

HARVEY: So... tell me, Betts. Why so interested in Giovanni's today? I've never seen you so excited for pizza.

Well... to be honest, Harvey... it's not necessarily the pizza I'm interested in...

HARVEY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I know that look in your eye, you're up to something. What is it?

Well it's... it's nothing. It's nothing at all, Harvey.

HARVEY: Fine. Whatever. Don't tell your best friend the really, really secretive and probably idiotic thing you're going to do. Whatever.

Ugh, it's just... I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone.

HARVEY: .....Whatever.

(Oh, man, this is breaking my heart! I never keep secrets from Harvey! He's not like Midge, he wouldn't kill me if he knew what I was planning to do.... But I still don't know how to tell him. What if he's disappointed in me? What if he tells Midge!? I mean, yeah, I trust him, but... Oh, I don't know! What should I do!?)

well he seems to like the "underground" a lot maybe he'll like the crime underworld just as much

anyways, you should probably tell him after you've already joined, other wise he'll just try to convince you this is a bad idea (he's kinda dumb like that)

for now tell him you'll catch up, and once he's gone it'll be time to approach the pizza man about your interest

>>374149
Exactly this, Harvey seems like a loyal stoo-
er.. A good guy. He'll make a great sidekick once you've got your foot in the door of the Criminal Underworld.