Bamump 2011/12/22(Thu)19:24 No. 374457 ID: b88147
File 132461066349.jpg - (30.84KB , 510x277 , 101.jpg )

"Hey, you. Jackass, gimme my son if you want to live."

"What's this? A woman threatens me? It doesn't matter if you do wield fists of hextor, you wont walk away from this."

"I just want my son, i don't care about anything else!"

"Hm? So you're the mother of my dinner? HAH, this is the greatest fun i have had all day. How about i give you a chance to save the boy. One punch, as hard as you can. And i won't use my sword to cut you down. If you can throw me off my feet, i'll let you and your son walk free."

Ok, the fellow wants a punch. It's obvious he's going to pull a fast one on you the moment it lands, so I suggest you make this hit count and be ready for a counter.

Use all your rage and fury against this bugger. You had to go through such convoluted methods to even get near your son that it would make most journeys seem simple. Punch his face with the rage of a thousand mothers and wipe that smug look off his face like a tidal wave wipes a small village off the map.

Secret Style: Berserker Fist of the Mother Bear!

A-non-electrical-mouse 2011/12/22(Thu)19:32 No. 374461 ID: 365adf
File 132461116366.png - (298.87KB , 472x352 , FAAAAAAAAAALCOOOOOOONNNNN-.png )

There's only one thing to do.

Starshroi, wait! Give me some minutes! Please! Trust me!

This man is a scoundrel, do not believe a word he says! Throw a punch at him and he will use Jacob as shield, then happily behead you and get your desperate and crying face as a trophy!

You are not a greenhorn! Think fast! Convince him to drop your son! He will be disappointed, but promise that you will give him your best shot and you do not want to hurt your son with the force of the impact! Is there any escape route for the villagers? You are on the edge of a ravine! Your punch is powerful enough to cause a landslide?

Wait! Rastin! His head is in the bag that this scoundrel carry, but the fucker is still alive. Why would you need him? He is a demon! He can create a huge distraction! I wonder if his head is all you need, but his body is near! We can show you the way!

go for the face, stop short, and punch him in the gut.

>>374475
This. The bastard would totally use Jacob as a shield.

>>374475
this

Won't use his sword to cut you down. He might have an axe. Or razor-sharp gauntlets. Or he might impale, rather than cut. Or just flat out lying. Don't trust the bastard.

When you punch, aim for his groin. I'd like to see him stay on his feet after that. He'd play dirty, so why not join on his level?

>>374526
also this, and he as a knife

has

Bamump 2011/12/23(Fri)01:28 No. 374554 ID: b88147
File 132463250505.gif - (765.61KB , 445x411 , 80.gif )

"Keep your sword, drop my son. I don't care if it's a fair fight or not, i don't jacob getting hurt."

Bamump 2011/12/23(Fri)01:50 No. 374560 ID: b88147
File 132463384475.jpg - (23.49KB , 307x339 , 102.jpg )

"Well, if your giving me a fair fight, then i'd be a fool to not accept. run to your mistress, fowl creature."

"MOOOOMMMMYYYY"

Bamump 2011/12/23(Fri)01:54 No. 374561 ID: b88147
File 132463404883.jpg - (17.65KB , 367x303 , 103.jpg )

"J-jacob, what's gotten into you? Not saying i don't enjoy it, but your acting a little different."

"Oh gods, i don't care- i was being strangled for the past few notches of the sun and he was killing everyone and it was horrible, and i just want to go back to being at home. I'm so sorry for calling you creepy, i'll also call you mommy forever and ever and ever, just as long as i don't see that guy ever ever ever EVER again!"

Bamump 2011/12/23(Fri)01:57 No. 374562 ID: b88147
File 132463423541.gif - (150.91KB , 466x391 , bchopalpha.gif )

"Madam, since i have freed your son you are obliged to give to me a fair fight. But i warn you, my sword prowess is of the utmost unearthly.

Do not hold it against me if i kill you."

>>374562

this one is animated

"okay sounds..." look past him "what the heck is that ritturak doing?" then when he turns to look punch him.

Well that is nice of him. Guy slaughtered the villagers who hounded us, held our son by the neck the entire time, then let him go so that he may show us his skill at the sword at it's fullest. Rather refreshing...

...THIS SUCKA NEEDS A AIRSHIP TICKET! FIST CLASS! Sure he was a gentleman, but damn it he needs better child rearing skills! If his sword his his pride then our fist are our pride. Keep an eye on the blade and another on the body and try to land blows to the gut, solar plexus, shoulders and any point. Keep moving, keep dodging, and keep him on his toes. He blocks his left? Hit his right leg. Blocks his right? Left shoulder! Show him Hextor's might!

However, don't kill him. He could have easily killed Jacob and accepted our offer. At the least we should let him live in defeat with the fact a woman beat him in melee combat.

Bamump 2011/12/23(Fri)02:53 No. 374578 ID: b88147
File 132463759063.png - (792.83KB , 1280x657 , Moriaintercepts.png )

"I seem to have arrived at the right time."

MASK OF TRUE SIGHT, SHOW THE FOLLY OF OUR WAYS

Bamump 2011/12/23(Fri)03:26 No. 374581 ID: b88147
File 132463959415.jpg - (41.76KB , 523x501 , 104.jpg )

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Bamump 2011/12/23(Fri)03:27 No. 374582 ID: b88147
File 132463966111.jpg - (15.05KB , 392x304 , mask1.jpg )

"I'M GONNA RIP YOU APART FOR TOUCHING MY SON!"

Bamump 2011/12/23(Fri)03:29 No. 374583 ID: b88147
File 132463975953.jpg - (67.02KB , 468x601 , 105.jpg )

"How will you be able to do that, when you have no arms? As fast as the wind, you cannot match me madam."

"w-wha-"

Bamump 2011/12/23(Fri)03:30 No. 374584 ID: b88147
File 132463981320.jpg - (28.48KB , 354x296 , 106.jpg )

"now die in piece."

Bamump 2011/12/23(Fri)03:31 No. 374585 ID: b88147
File 132463988097.jpg - (14.92KB , 392x304 , mask2.jpg )

"I'M GONNA RIP YOU APART FOR TOUCHING MY SON!"

Bamump 2011/12/23(Fri)03:32 No. 374586 ID: b88147
File 132463997956.jpg - (18.45KB , 510x213 , 107.jpg )

"DAMNED BE THE GODS, IT'S YOU!!!"

"My apologies, but you have the head of the very person i need. I will ever so graciously take it from you."

Bamump 2011/12/23(Fri)03:34 No. 374587 ID: b88147
File 132464009473.jpg - (29.51KB , 499x481 , 108.jpg )

"w-what's going on..."

"Mother Star, if you cherish your life and the care of your son- you must leave Now.

For the dresses of Kurt Cobain, when you will get out of the extremes of Curb Stomp Battle...

GET JACOB AND RUN! RUN! DO NOT LOOK BACK, STARSHROI! DO NOT LOOK BACK!!

>>374587
Man oh man, the temporal paradoxes are just piling on here, time is getting warped left and right.

Anyway, it seems like you should do as he says, you need a training montage of epic proportions to get your old power back and become even more powerful! You should probably also train your son a bit, maybe give him a snazzy mask at some point.

Get Jacob and go. You might want to tell those other adventurers that MurderBeard is distracted, but it is still best to retreat.

Bamump 2011/12/26(Mon)22:49 No. 375340 ID: b88147
File 132496859158.jpg - (27.79KB , 459x518 , 109.jpg )

"Madame, i have your son right here. It seems that we must depart!"

Bamump 2011/12/26(Mon)22:51 No. 375343 ID: b88147
File 132496871449.jpg - (39.36KB , 538x453 , 110.jpg )

"Oh thank goodness, please let me have jaco-"

"Denied, i run faster. Also, three quick things: My team is dead, I blame you for this, and when we reach the city of Leafgate I wash my hands of you."

>>375343
That's ok, him and his team has served their purpose. Your son is safe and reunited with you again, now it's just a matter of making sure something like that never happens again.

One quick thing. Suck it up, young man. You all were not deceived or forced. Accept your own powerlessness.

Oi you two. Settle down. Doesn't matter if they were strong or not, we messed up and it cost him and almost cost us. We may as well apologize to him for his losses.

He helped us protect Jacob. The least we can do is thank him and apologize for our lack of skill in that scenario.

We messed up? Surely you jest!

In case you did not notice, he warned us to not face him alone like that. We did so and it cost him. That is one mistake.

Second, if that guy didn't show up to deal with him, we may not have survived and then Jacob would be alone with that monster. We could have walked away if possible. We did not so we left things up to chance. So far a good portion of our success has been luck.

I was one of those Rash voices so I admit to my folly Star. Let us focus on taking care of Jacob now and hope we teach, provide, and raise him well enough that he'd be able to care for himself when we cannot protect him.

You are insane. None of this is our fault. At least, not my fault. I told her to avoid unnecessary battles. In fact, I am starting to doubt the validity of our suggestions. Everyone ignore us and the challenges are simply absurd.

Starshroi Dorgen 2011/12/27(Tue)22:21 No. 375611 ID: b88147
File 132505328927.jpg - (28.61KB , 414x419 , 111.jpg )

seriously guys, you're going to argue at each other inside my own mind?

I'll be honest, you guys sound like the most unholiest things that spawn from the depths of the nine hells- so listening to you throw your turkeys around like bitter housewives is a little rough for me. Sure, i should have followed some suggestions or listened to others ideas, but you have to see in my point of view.
When some devil voices just begin chiming in and yelling at you about how to run your life, would you listen to them? I mean, honestly?

Anyway, whatever... since you guys are just gonna drive me crazy- go on. Keep bickering, I'm not getting any better.

If it makes you feel any better, your demon head voices are now quite averse to sending you charging headfirst at a Blackguard. As far as we knew "blackguard" just generally meant a no-good person, a black guard. So we were as surprised as you when a Blackguard actually turns out to be a SATANIC DEMON OF KILLING AND DEATH GIVEN FLESH AND BLOOD CRAP RUN FASTER

Indeed. Like I said before, we misjudged the situation and it almost cost us. For that, we are sorry. While I do not speak for all the voices, I would at least like to apologize to the man. He did not have to save us or Jacob, but he did. He deserves that much.

After that, I'd be content with raising Jacob right.

I will not apologize! I warned you! I told you, OLD HAG! You can not blame others for your own forgetfulness! You have other priorities now! You still have much to learn about being a mother, OLD HAG! I will never let you stray, even if this kills you! I will say it again! You are not the only one who cares about Jacob! And Jacob is not the only one who cares about you! NEVER DO THAT AGAIN! YOU HEAR ME, STARSHROI! NEVER!

>>375611
Eh, shit worked out in the end, not like anyone important died or anything like that. In fact things are made easier by the fact that he doesn't really want anything to do with you anymore, would have been a hassle to have him bugging you about joining his team.

Anyway, do you remember and keep in touch with any of your old adventuring mates? Ones owing you favours would be especially good.

Blackguard is known to refer to evil paladins, but they are usually just fairly strong guys with unpleasant magic rather than demigod supersoldiers who are faster than a monk while wearing full platemail.

>>375667
But she's not a monk, she's also a Blackguard. Or at least she used to be one.

Starshroi Dorgen 2011/12/29(Thu)01:13 No. 375928 ID: b88147
File 132515002037.jpg - (16.00KB , 489x233 , 112.jpg )

I don't even remember what I wanted to be when i was younger... hell, nothing came of it anyway. Whatever i was doesn't change what i am now. Old, dumb and outta shape... I guess i am an old hag. Maybe i should just go find someone else to do the epic battles for me.

Bamump 2011/12/29(Thu)01:18 No. 375929 ID: b88147
File 132515031843.jpg - (28.30KB , 529x228 , 113.jpg )

And so day turns into night

Bamump 2011/12/29(Thu)01:22 No. 375930 ID: b88147
File 132515053312.jpg - (53.92KB , 550x492 , 114.jpg )

"Wow, he sure left in a huff. Leaving us out here in the dark, how do we even know we're at the right place?"

"Don't worry honey, we're at Leafgate. He's just one of the many people who hates mommy... truthfully i'm terrified to even walk up to the door...jacob, i hope i can be the best mother for you."

"... please don't say strange things, it kinda hurts to listen to it."

>>375930

Why are you afraid of Leafgate? More than of that buzzsaw of a Blackguard behind you? I'd get in the door VERY FAST

>>375930
You just need to get back into asskicking shape again, especially since you got enemies that might attack Jacob to get to you.

Anyway, I'm sure they won't notice you if you don't call attention to yourself.

Guess what? Being old is the best thing that can happen to anyone. Getting older means you are alive. Look at your child. He is happy that you are alive. Your sorrow is of concern to him. Are you not glad that you two are alive?

Besides what that guy did had nothing to do with youthful vigor. More like dark elder god fury channeled through his bones.

End Part 4 Bamump 2012/01/09(Mon)16:10 No. 378797 ID: becb83
File 132615422292.jpg - (82.04KB , 515x718 , 115.jpg )

"Dammit mom, have no fears! It's a new town, and we can start a new family thing- like ya know... family stuff. New Beginnings!"

"... heh, well since you're so enthusiastic, then lets go on in."

"Why is it so dark in here?"

"This is only the walkway to the front gate, Leafgate is a metropolis built into the center of the mountain. It'll be dark til we reach the first gate."


so... gotta wright up leafgate some more... what i have on hand isn't much other than npcs and specific locations. send me some questions if you have any to the discus thread.

Intermission Bamump 2012/01/11(Wed)21:31 No. 379358 ID: becb83
File 132634628455.jpg - (38.31KB , 438x352 , 116.jpg )

"... grumble grumble dammit... why are they always so goddamn awnnery grumble mumble grumble can't kill them all on account they're the big titted gobbos, dammit dammit dammit. and then there's this other thing, fucking dwarves always complaining about their kobold problem... it's like they see me as some sort of pest control or something. Grumble grumble grumble, more orphan beast men raiding villages, grumble grumble grumble...."

Hello, I do not believe we have formally met. We are a group of bloody crazy voices that are likely going to make your current problems seem like a day in the park.

I take it you are Jacob?

>>379365
No, we have already met future-Jacob. Unless there are more of him around than Kid-Jacob and Armor-Jacob, this guy is someone else.

Bamump 2012/01/11(Wed)22:34 No. 379382 ID: becb83
File 132635006917.jpg - (31.31KB , 475x383 , 117.jpg )

"Oy, what... oh, it's the orb... feh, guess you guys are awake."

>>379365
"We met, though you didn't ask us anything. Moria dragged me there, remember? You might not be the same ones... dammit, i really don't have the brain power for this crap. Yes, i'm jacob... but other jacob... don't want to explain it. Too complicated."

>>379367
"Guess i gotta explain it anyway, so there are three of us. One's called Moria, he's an uppity douchebag. I'm Chrestomanci, the only person that stops the stupid bastard from actually taking over the whole goddamn world. And then there is actual Jacob, Moria doesn't know about him yet and i wish to keep him in the dark. The actual jacob is the one who actually gets sent to me. Don't ask me to explain, time stuff and it's not important.

Any who, what do you guys want... actually, gimme your opinion on something. Would you wipe out an entire goblin village because they were stealing cattle? mind you, these gobbos are... let's just say the big melon types."

Well nice to meet you Chrestomanci. Figured time shenanigans were involved... they always are.

Anyways, about your question; I'd say the best way to do it is not to kill them, but make them have to pay off the farmers who lost cattle. Labor, favors, resources, or.. other favors if you want that sort of thing. Killing them would likely just entice other tribes. The smarter ones would likely want to avenge their buddies, the dumber ones would think we dealt with them to protect our endless cow supply.

An alternative is to find out why they are stealing cattle too. Solve the problem there and it may either stop or slow down repeats.

By actual-jacob do you mean the kid, or are there three jacob-based time travelers (including you)?

About the goblins, I think property theft is generally not major enough to warrant death unless there is some other crime or consequence involved. Also, wiping out the entire village would likely hit some not involved in the actual theft.

Bamump 2012/01/12(Thu)00:20 No. 379413 ID: becb83
File 132635643148.jpg - (15.64KB , 297x261 , 118.jpg )

"Wait... what? No, kid jacob is... huh? When are you seeing this from? No, i mean there is a third Jacob that is the same age as me and Moria- At the current time... the time that is now... that is not past or future... i don't even know when you are. You're just confusing me now, i give up.

Anyway, the goblin thing- going to negotiate something with them sounds fair enough. Maybe collect myself a new assistant, eh?
Maybe mom would enjoy a trip outside the tower also... What should i bring, i have a decent covey of mages and warlocks but i don't know if i should bring something flashy or just an illusionist to see if i can talk the gobbos down. Maybe might need some muscle to protect mother. What do you guys think?"

Well, a change of scenery can always perk up the mood though you should bring a few mages specialized in defenses and perhaps trap detection. Illusionists should work as well since we want them to cooperate, not kill them. Either way, you seem like you can handle quite a few spells. What's your specialty? Makes planning a bit easier.

How is your mother anyway? I hope she is doing alright.

>>379413
Eh, just wipe out the place and sell everyone as slaves. You can reserve one or two personal slaves. See, problem solved. And now people won't steal cattle in your area because you don't fuck around and give people concessions for being criminal scum.

Ok, so apparently we are the time traveling ones, and there are three of you through some other means. The last thing we saw, Jacob was still a kid, and an (apparently time traveling) adult Moria rescued Staroshi from this crazy blackguard who would have otherwise killed her (and seems to have done so in time traveling Moria's original timeline).

How many Staroshis are there around in your time?

Bamump!3GqYIJ3Obs 2012/01/27(Fri)00:53 No. 382575 ID: 0a1dbb
File 132765442302.jpg - (11.89KB , 364x331 , 119.jpg )

>>379415
"... same as always, nutty. Nothing improved after I removed the disease and she's just getting worse... I can't even think of what to do to help her anymore."
>>379463
"....that sounds awesome... but cruel. I am not cruel, I'm just an iron handed hero."
>>379476
"Yes, I recall that aswell. I looked into it further and it just doesn't add up... there is only one of my mother, and it seems all the other variants just die off. It's batshit crazy i say."

"Sir, Miss Ellen is here. She says he has slain the dirge dragon in Martordorl and is heading to the Swins Peak Mountains to take out the dragon up there. She also believes that an accomplice of the Dragon Tamer is up in the forests around those mountains, what do you wish to reply?"

"Ah, fantastic, tell her she doing a decent job. Also tell here there is word of a rampant monster that's been roaming the hillside, we think its a wild satyr."

"Is there anything else, sir?"

"Hmmmmm, here. Take this crystal ball, it's no use to me anymore. It might give you assistance in your apprenticeship, let the other girls use it aswell."

"Oh neat, what's it do?"

"It talks to you, and gives advice. I'm calling it a Talk Baron Sphere, and it's either give it to you or sell it on the market for a pretty coin."

"I'll definitely take it!!!!"

did you guys get tired of this quest or something?

(Sometimes the board is slow like that.)

Hello there. Can you hear us?

hello

Oh. Ummmm... hello? Man this is awkward. Usually we switch owners a bit more dynamically than this. No offense or anything, we are just a bit caught off guard.

Soooo how are you?

SUDDENLY BLACKGUARDS EVERYWHERE

>>382575
Hello there ladygirl, got any worlds you want saved or dudes you want seduced?

Teres 2012/01/30(Mon)23:24 No. 383575 ID: 0a1dbb
File 132799468931.jpg - (28.82KB , 451x325 , 120.jpg )

>>382665
oh hey, you speak into peoples heads... i guess that's kinda neat.

>>382667
Hello!

>>382715
Really? That sounds complex, i'm sure if i wasn't an apprentice i'd understand a bit more.
>>382804
b-blackguards!? ... no... your joking.

>>382871
Uh... hmmm... well since you mentioned something, you are given to me to aid in my studies i guess you can help me with something... so... there is a special someone that i like, but so do the other apprentice mages, but i want this special someone to like me more then the others... wanna help me out on this one?

oh, sorry that guy is a ROCK, he hates everyone.

To be honest, trying to woo him overtly is going to go badly if everyone else is doing it. Just be nice, help him with small tasks, get him his favorite drink(non alcoholic. No making him drunk to try and woo him), polite small talk about this and that. Just take it easy and do not jump the gun.

>>383575
Him? Yeah that's probably going to take quite a bit of work unless you go the direct route of drugs and reverse rape, but that's not something you can build a lasting relationship on. That and it might not work, so bad idea all around.

To get him you're probably going to have to work your way into being his assistant or something. Then get him to rely on your more and more and eventually getting him into the sack.

Telila 2012/02/05(Sun)01:00 No. 384395 ID: d12795
File 132843243822.png - (11.92KB , 561x343 , 121.png )

>you are now in telila mode

>>383576
... I don't think he hates Everyone...

>>383583
hey, you're right.

>>383603
yeah, take it slow... i just want to be more important to him then the other girls.

OH MY GOD, HE FELL ASLEEP AGAIN!! ... what should i do?

leave, if he passed out then he must be really tired, so waking him up will just make him grumpy.

Make some coffee (or closest analogue) and leave it on hi desk. Put it where he can't accidentally spill it, too.

>>384395
also cover he's back with a blanket so he won't get cold

>>384395
Make sure he doesn't drool on any important papers, put a nice fluffy pillow under his head and then put a blanket over him so he doesn't get cold. Then I guess you could stay and watch him sleep like some creepy stalker.

Telila 2012/02/05(Sun)18:03 No. 384630 ID: d12795
File 132849383192.png - (13.36KB , 561x343 , 122.png )

"...dammit mom... what happened to you..."

He's soo cute. I don't have a blanket on hand, but i used my robes to keep him warm and found a pillow under his desk. I even got him a cup of warm jump juice, mostly my own concoction. Cus... well, i have a little skill in herbalism and potion making....

>>384423
... i'm not gonna watch him sleep... well maybe for a couple minutes but not any longer. I need to occupy myself with something else, what do you suggest?

Potionmaking? Baby, you can MAKE him love you. Slip a love potion in his jump juice next time.

Yeah... no potion making. Those things tend to back fire like NUTS. You said you were a secretary right? Maybe do some paper work that you are allowed to do so he's not flooded in the stuff. Probably some anti migraine medicine when he wakes up too.

>>384630

He still looks cold to me.

Telila Teres 2012/02/05(Sun)23:17 No. 384730 ID: d12795
File 132851265040.png - (11.37KB , 452x368 , 123.png )

>>384682
haha, i don't want to poison him again so i won't do that.

>>384690
I'm not too good at being a secretary either, but i can be a thief!!! And i already made some headache stuff, it's in the juice already.

>>384700
... should i go hunt for a blanket?

>>384730
Guess you could read through some of his stuff and see what he needs to get done or something. Or go out there and learn magic. Just something that would make you more of a back up assest to him.

>>384730

Yeah, get him a blanket.

>>384880
It might take a long time to find another blanket. You've got other stuff on. Give him that right now. You can get it back when you get a blanket.

Telila Teres 2012/02/06(Mon)19:59 No. 384953 ID: d12795
File 132858714311.png - (24.84KB , 946x327 , 124.png )

>>384740
...hmmmm, i'll go to the library and see if i can pick up a spell. He is supposed to teach us, and occasionally he does... but not lately.

>>384880
Yeah, i'll go do that also!!!

>>384891
...i'm wearing natsu garb, it isn't supposed to keep you warm. It's supposed to make it easier to traverse silently and also protect you from harm.

"Hold on, Teres, what is that you have there? Some sort of gift? How come you have it and nobody else? Also, why did you sneak into his office, didn't you read the sign? It says not to bother him!! What Nerve!!!"

OH, it's the competition....
"w-well, uh..."
"Nothing to say? Hand it over and we won't hurt you."

Oh my... they sure are feisty when it comes down to it. Well, we can be pretty scary ourselves. Inform her that you are keeping this orb safe due to how dangerous it is and it is unwise to hold us without being properly prepared. If they try to use brute force or say they are worthy to hold us, let them touch the orb.

[If anyone other than Telia holds us at the moment, subject that person to the entirety of /b/, Two girls, one cup, and youpoop. Telia will not be affected by this effect.]

>>384956
[i second this idea]

>>384953
Well that seems like an annoying bunch of people. Tell them to sod off, then kick the first one to move in the groin, run like hell after that.

He did say to share us with the other girls and I'm guessing these are them. I would say to just share but threatening you just isn't cool.

There's no reason to make a story up. Just say that you got the orb to help your apprenticeship and that you were supposed to share it but it doesn't want to help anyone thats going to try and use violence to take us away from our holder. Also that we want them to try to take us away from our current holder, we want them to touch us.

Offer us to them, but tell them that you aren't responsible if it melts their brains like it did with the old Baron.

Telila Teres 2012/02/08(Wed)22:39 No. 385329 ID: d12795
File 132876959606.png - (7.64KB , 451x274 , 125.png )

"The chrestomanci gave me this crystal ball to help with our studies, but it doesn't want to be taken. If you try to take it by force it will do strange magical things that can drive you utterly mad! If you want this orb, try to tak-"

Wilmennia Xerotivia 2012/02/08(Wed)22:42 No. 385333 ID: d12795
File 132876972910.png - (8.19KB , 451x274 , 126.png )

"I can handle it, I have to take care of the the old woman anyway."

I wonder if this thing is an artifact.

Nope, just Chuck Testa. By which I mean a ball of distilled crazy.

>>385333

U GOT A PURDY MOUTH

Why hellooooooooooooooo there~ so you dealt with Madam Starshroi hmmmm~? We happen to know her rather well. In fact we know many, MANY stories. Perhaps you would like to hear them in vivid detail? For instance, there was the time...
[ramble about various inane quests]
...then the halfing mixed the goblin ale with the elven pudding, drank it and...
[ramble about more inane quests]
..I then made the dwarf tie the ever burning torches in his beard, smash the decapitated bear head through the wooden door and scream bloody murder at the bandits. Three of them soiled themselves profusely.
[Oh god, why won't I shut up?]
And that is how through various shenanigans and a rubber hose a elven wizard spent the rest of eternity falling down stairs.

>>385333
Damn it, told her to use some violence on you. Hey, what's your stance on taking over the world and ending life as we know it?

[Become burning hot]
[Overload holders head with maximum pitch/volume cacophonic noise and screams]

>>384956