Take the broken knife and storm the demon castle.

your dick.

The cloak

>>273052
You have now a piece of cloth. If you want to put it on, say so; otherwise it will be stuffed in your pants.

You are currently in your parents' farm. Where shall you go first?

>>273053
Demon castle. I hear they're hiring minions. We want some of that succubus booty!

demon castle(with your dick)

>>273054
You are a dimwitted farmer, of 17 years of age.
You have never heard of such a thing as a "demon castle".

Since I am telling the story, I'll give you some options:
-Follow the nearest river, for or against channel.
-Find the nearest village.
-Follow the first road you come across.
-If you can come up with something better, just suggest it.

>>273056
Villages will have the most demon-castle rumors. To the village! We can pretend to be an ADVENTURER. Good for the resume, you know?

Follow the first road you come across, and don¡t read any roadsinge (as if a farmer could read) sure destinations are for pussies

@ Suggestion 2011/01/19(Wed)20:53 No. 273064 ID: 17c834
File 129549919783.jpg - (13.50KB , 305x260 , farmer.jpg )

>>273058
You walk an hour and a half until you reach the god forsaken village.

And, by the way, nobody would believe that you are an adventurer. The picture shows more or less what you look like.

>>273064
Well, we appear to be an appalling failure of a human being. I suggest we head to the gym and bulk the fuck up before we do anything else, maybe take a shower and throw on some new clothes so we can afford to go out in public without embarrassing ourselves.

>>273068
There is a number of problems with that series of suggestions.

First off, the god forsaken village doesn't have a gym. You can probably gain strength just by carrying heavy loads around, anyways.

Even if you were to wet yourself with some water from the local well, you don't have any soap or money to buy it with. This problem also applies to your clothes.

The options here are to somehow find a job, become a thief (though nothing in this godforsaken village is even worth stealing), or go off into the wild to survive and frantically continue your journey.

Suggestion 2011/01/19(Wed)21:52 No. 273074 ID: 99433a
File 129550274543.jpg - (129.20KB , 934x795 , bear wrestlng.jpg )

>>273071
Woods. We shall solve our clothing dilemma by killing bears and wearing their skin. Hygiene can be solved the same way- nobody expects the crazy bearded man wearing a bear to smell nice. Ask about the demon-castle first.

>>273074
After walking to the most respectable tavern that would allow you inside it, and after finding a villager who didn't look too much like a hillbilly, you barely manage to express your query coherently enough to warrant an answer (that's quite a feat, considering how dimwitted and young you are).

The villager informs you that the nearest castle belongs to no demons, but instead to a formerly famous, but now retired bladesmith named Leonard Belmunra. The castle is located north east of the village, and can be reached after five days of walking.

I assume that you expect to go off into the wilderness now.
Describe your subsequent course of action.

>>273082
Strip naked and roll in some mud to mask our smell. Roll up the cloth and tie it in a loop. Hide in trees and wait for something to pass below you, then try and land on it and slip the noose around it's neck. Priority is on fucking up a leg. Once you fall off, follow it around and throw rocks at it until it dies.

When that fails, steal chickens or whatever from a farmer then run back into the woods and repeat.

>>273087
There isn't any wild game of that kind around these parts, it seems.
However, you manage to strike down an owl right before sunset.

You are now a naked, muddy human-like being, and you have a rolled cloth and an owl. What are you going to do now?
You could attempt to make a fire, strip the owl of its feathers, prepare to pass the night in the open, or whatever else you come up with.

Let's aim our complete incompetence at making a fire. Char the SHIT out of that owl.

>>273175
You spend the next hour and half vigorously rubbing two sticks of the driest wood you could find, but to no avail. Maybe next noon would be a better time to try again.
Your arms feel tired from all that rubbing, and your hands are now flayed and bleeding a little.

It is now imperative to prepare for the night. There are no big predators in this area, but you might become sick if you sleep without a proper cover.
What do you do now? I recommend retrieving your clothes.

>>273178
Abandon all hope.

>>273178
Burrow. Form a warm and snuggly bed of leaves and mud. Nature is your friend! Also, pluck the owl.

>>273191
Sleeping on mud is never a good idea.
You are so dimwitted that you would do that anyways, but luckily for you, you don't have an adequate vessel to transport mud.

You pluck the owl and leave the feathers lying around.

After a few minutes of ineffectively kicking the ground and scratching it with your bare hands, you make a shallow hole. Filling it with leaves is also easy enough for you. The improvised burrow seems barely good enough to sleep upon (just like your previous bed back at the farm).

You are now quite tired, so you quickly unroll the cloth, lie down on the burrow, then cover yourself with the cloth and fall asleep.
The subsequent night of sleep is uneventful.

You wake up one hour after sunrise. Your limbs feel slightly stiff from sleeping in the open, but otherwise your are as healthy as before. Which isn't to say a lot.

Describe your intended course of action for this morning.

Suggestion 2011/01/20(Thu)15:18 No. 273218 ID: 1963d1
File 129556553127.jpg - (15.04KB , 409x311 , 936927-arnold_shutup_super.jpg )

>>273195
ALRIGHT, FAG. WE'RE GONNA KICK YOU ASS INTO SHAPE. ARE YOU READY? BECAUSE WHEN WE'RE DONE WITH YOU YOU'RE GONNA BE THE MOST BADASS FUCKER ON THE PLANET.

WHEN YOU WAKE THE FUCK UP NEXT MORNING YOU GRAB THAT OWL AND YOU EAT THAT FUCKER. RAW. THEN GRAB AS MANY HEAVY ROCKS AS YOU CAN CARY. MAKE THAT SCRAWNY ASS CLOTH INTO A SACK OR SLING, AND YOU TAKE SO MANY FUCKING ROCKS THAT YOU CAN BARELY MOVE. THEN YOU HAUL THOSE ROCKS UP THE TALLEST HILL YOU CAN SEE WITH YOUR SQUISHY LITTLE EYEBALLS. YOU FEEL THAT? THAT SENSATION? THAT'S YOU, SLOWLY TURNING INTO A MAN. YOU WILL REPEAT THIS EVERY DAY, INCREASING YOUR WORKLOAD AS NECESSARY FOR AS MANY DAYS AS IT TAKES.

THEN, AT NIGHT, YOU FUCKING COVER YOURSELF IN LEAVES AND SHIT, AND YOU GO OUT TO HUNT. BUT I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT ANIMAL; HELL NO, MOTHERFUCKER. YOU ARE GONNA BE HUNTING HUMAN PREY. FIND SOME STUPID FUCKER WHO'S OUT ALONE AFTER DARK AND YOU FUCK UP HIS SHIT. THEN FUCKING DRAG THE CORPSE BACK TO YOUR HIDEY-HOLE AND YOU ROAST THAT FUCKER. MAKE SURE YOU EAT THE HEART; THAT'S WHAT'LL PUT HAIR ON YOUR FUCKING CHEST.

NOW GO DO ALL THAT AND REPORT BACK WHEN YOU AREN'T SUCH A FRAIL, DETESTABLE BAG OF ORGANS.

>>273218
AND YOU BETTER DO THIS OR I WILL FUCKING KICK YOUR ASS.

>>273218
Do this. Eat the animals of the forest and gain their strength and wisdom, then get to toting those rocks. You need whipped into shape, bitch!

>>273218
You eat part of the plucked owl. It tastes as bad as one would expect for a corpse full of stagnant blood and partially bitten by ants. You feel sick, but recover in the next few minutes.

You are feeling thirsty, and you also need to pee, so you find your way to the nearest watercourse. Your needs are satisfied for now.

You fold the cloth in half, so as to make it more resistant, and load it with as many rocks as you can find. Some of these seem suitable for knapping.

As for hunting people, that's unlikely. Pretty much nobody ever comes into these parts, much less at night.
You can only expect to eat wild berries, seeds, small rodents, birds, worms, insects and lizards; or fish, if you manage to find a way to catch them.


It is almost noon now. You are a creature vaguely resembling a human being, and you have a bag full of rocks. Suggest something to do.

>>273230
GO BACK TO TOWN AND HUNT SOME GOD DAMN CITIZENS, MAGGOT

>>273230
Locate birds. Eat their eggs. Travel in a direction more likely to contain large animals.

>>273237
This. You need to man the fuck up, buddy.

>>273237
You station yourself next to a trail near the godforsaken village. Since you are covered in dirt and leaves, your presence is easily concealed if you stay still.

You lunge at the first passing woman and, in a stroke of luck, you manage to hit her hard in the head with your bag of stones.
The woman falls unconscious, and is now wounded badly. There are no witnesses, as far as you can tell.

What do you do now?

>>273292
Drag her off to the side. Finish her off. Take all her belongings. Do unspeakable things to the body.

>>273292
Attack the village!

>>273296
Not quite yet.
>>273295
This, as long as the unspeakables relate to consuming the flesh.

Then again, you are quite dimwitted. Are you sure that noone saw you?

>>273327
Hmm... Cannibalism. Excellent. Abscond with the body and the bags of rocks. This shall sustain us through our long hours of pointless hauling.

>>273333
Pointless hauling? No! The point is to make him ripped like a gorilla on steroids.

>>273295
You drag the woman to the side of the trail and hit her again with the bag of rocks. She seems to be dead now.
Upon searching the corpse, you find a small bar of soap.
You take the corpse's clothes, in such an incompetent manner that most of them become torn.
You stuff the soap and the torn clothes in your bag with the stones.

Your dim wits and young age make the concept of "unspeakable things" unknown to you.

>>273333
The terrain is not particularly suited to dragging corpses, and you are also quite scrawny (which is common among young poor farmers), so you find it impossible to carry both the bag of rocks and the corpse at the same time.

What do you do now?

>>273406
...Haul the corpse. Rocks are useless weight. Oh, but take the cloth. If you're going to be hauling something around, better it be something you can eat.

>>273406
Eat the corpse, maybe saving a little bit for dinner, and get back to hauling those rocks.

>>273411
Reps over weight! We'll just run up and down a hill three times as often carrying the corpse than we would with the rocks. Besides we can always get more rocks.

Use some of those rocks to knap other rocks, to make rock-tools!

>>273410
>>273411
You are certainly dimwitted, but you vaguely understand that hauling a corpse around and eating human meat are bad things to do or be caught doing. You remember other funny people being chained or stoned to death for similar actions.

Suggest things less retarded to do.

>>273568
Do said things deep in the forest where nobody will find you.

>>273568
>Suggest things less retarded to do.

>>273501
>Use some of those rocks to knap other rocks, to make rock-tools!

>>273568
We've killed a woman unprovoked. We're a filthy, feral stranger. The line has been crossed. Now we find how dead the rabbit hole goes. Retreat into the forest with the body. Knap the rocks to make an edge, slit her belly open, and tear out her heart. It is your reward.

Oh, and do remember to wash your hands in the river first. We don't want to get it dirty.

>>273591
This. Forever.

Finally, you decide to dump most of the rocks, while keeping a few of the ones that look suitable for knapping.

You carry the corpse into the wild. Due to the inherent difficulties of carrying corpses through trackless territories, five hours of walking leave you exhausted, and not terribly far away from where you started.
Apart from being tired, you are also hungry and thirsty, since it is now late in the afternoon and your last meal was early in the morning.
You won't be knapping any rocks until your needs are satisfied again; or at least until you rest for a while.

You really need a water vessel; it would save you many trips to the nearest watercourse.

Describe your subsequent course of action.

>>273762
Flesh holds both food and water. Don't drink too much, though.

Crack open her head and eat the brains inside.

>>273893
The corpse's head is already quite bashed in. You slowly eat what bits of the brain you can grab with your hands. It doesn't taste extremely bad.

You rest for a few more minutes, and then you calmly walk up to the nearest watercourse to drink some much-needed water.

You walk back to the site where you left the corpse and the bag, and you notice that the sun is about to disappear into the horizon.

What do you do now?

>>273947
Work on the burrow until you pass out, I suppose. Gather some fallen branches and make a teepee over it. Then dig.

>>273950
You dig a new hole and fill it with leaves, since this is not the same location where you made the first burrow.
You pass the next few hours gathering branches and stones, and trying to arrange them in such a way that they form a stable structure around the hole.
Finally, you get them to stand upright; the structure is picturesque, though it seems incapable of resisting even a gush of wind.

You need to sleep now, so you proceed in a similar way to that of last night.
Nothing interrupts your sleep afterwards.

You wake up the next morning.
What do you do now?

>>274249

Still need stone tools. Need to knap a scraper and a cutter at the very least. We'll want to make an axe too. That will provide for the majority of what we need to do to skin and dismember the body.

Skinning will be done with the cutter and scraper, and we'll use the liver and urine to treat the skin and make tanned hide from it.

Be thorough in removing flesh from the skin, it pays dividends if you want to be able to make waterskins from it.

Butchering and tanning will take most of the day.

>>274320
Not so fast, good fellow.

After attending your other needs, you find that the corpse is now covered in flies and other nasty shit. Therefore, you are forced to waste half of the morning gathering wild berries and seeds for breakfast.

After stupidly breaking most of your stones, you finally get a roughly wedge-shaped piece, and you spend two hours sharpening it.

Also, you don't know how to tan human leather. Or leather of any kind, for that matter.
Describe your subsequent course of action.

>>274463
Go look for rusty red rocks and some dark grey waxy ones. Time to get some proper firestarting tools. So we can cook that corpse.

>>274463
Also, mark the campsite in some way. Having a home is a good starting point. Also, look for sturdy fallen branches while finding those stones someone mentioned.

>>274695
>>274696
Oh, and if you can't do these by evening, you should at least swing by the village again to get more dinner.

Remove the bones and crack them open for the marrow. That should still be good to eat.

>>274695
After searching the ground for a while, you find a dark grey stone. You also find a couple of red rocks, but they are only about as big as your thumb.

>>274696
You see a number of fallen branches, but only five seem to be thick and long enough. You carry those five branches and the stones back to your improvised hut.

>>274821
You have eaten enough berries and seeds for now; maybe you can eat bone marrow later in the afternoon.


You are now a dirty human-like creature. You have a wedge-shaped stone, a piece of cloth folded to serve as a bag, a small bar of soap, and a few other stones. You are sitting near an improvised structure made of branches. There is a woman's corpse nearby. There is a pile of five sturdy branches nearby. It is a little while past noon.
What are you going to do now?

>>275038
Now my dear friend, you're going to make fire. For which you will first need kindling. Which could be dry leaves, dry grass or some bark peeled of a birch tree (the ones with white bark and black spots on it). The kindling may have to dry a bit if not already decently dry, so there might not be a fire today.

You're also going to go search for rocks that can used to make a safe fire pit and dry wood. With luck and hard work there might be a fire going in a few hours.

Oh, and if the rocks don't produce the needed sparks then worry not, there is another method of rubbing sticks together that doesn't leave you with bleeding blisters on your hands. But we'll come to that if it becomes necessary.

>>275052
You gather a small lump of dry grass and dry leaves.
You gather a number of stones and small dry branches.
This takes you about an hour.

Describe your subsequent course of action.

>>275770
Dig out a small pit. Now ring the pit with the small rocks. Then place a small amount of sticks in there alongside with some dry grass and dry leaves. Pick up the reddish rock and the waxy dark grey stone. Strike them together or pull one alongside the other and you should get sparks. Get those sparks onto the dry leaves and grasss, eventually there should be a small fire, make sure it doesn't die and that it catches in some of the dry sticks in the pit. Add a few more sticks and you should have a small campfire going pretty soon. Firepit should preferably be quite close to the shelter.

If you can't get sparks from the rocks then there is another method. Rip apart the corpse's clothes so you get long strips of cloth. Pick a stick that's a bit longer than your forearm, tie the cloth to both ends of it, should just be a little bit of slack in the cloth. Then pick out a rock that you can comfortably hold. And now you're going to need another stick and a small log, twist the cloth on the clothstick around your other stick, hold other stick upright on the log and place some kindling at the base, place rock on top of your other stick and keep it there with your left hand. Then you make a sawing motion with the clothstick while using the rock to hold the other stick in place. And then you have wood rubbing against wood, but with less effort on your side and less chane of painful blisters.

Either of methods should work for making fire. They have worked for a lot of people in the past.

>>275773
You dig a shallow hole and enclose it with stones. You place some kindling and wood in the hole.

You strike the fancy rocks over the hole repeatedly, and after a few minutes you realize that the kindling had already caught fire while you were enthusiastically observing the sparks.

The incipient fire seems capable of sustaining itself well enough for now.

What are you going to do now?

>>275792
Excellent. Now take two decently sturdy sticks, use cloth to tie them goether in an X-shape. THen sharpen another sturdy stick, preferably one that has a Y shape at the end. When ready you will have something you can use to hold meat above the fire while it roasts.

And luckily you have meat avalible. I would suggest the calf, the thigh and the buttocks as places to get meat from. Use the sharpened rock you have for cutting. Make sure it's properly done before you eat it. Shouldn't have gone too bad yet, might feel a bit quesy but it should stay down.

Once you're done with that we can move onto the proper training.

>>275796
You make a wooden cross with two of the sticks and the torn clothes taken from the dead woman.

None of your branches have a Y shape at the end.
You crudely sharpen a stick with your wedge-shaped stone.

You cut meat from the corpse's thighs in a clumsy and incompetent manner, since the wedge-shaped stone isn't the most adequate tool for this task, and you also have no experience cutting meat in this fashion.
After many minutes of arduous struggles, you end up with several irregularly shaped pieces of meat, dripping with blood.

What do you do now?

>>278057
Impale the meat on the pointy stick and let it hang over the fire. Soon you shall have roasted meat.

After you have eaten that it's time to continue with your strengthbuilding training.

>>278144
You make a laughably grotesque example of meat on a stick, and spend a good thirty minutes waiting for it to cook.
That is in good time, since you are starting to feel hungry. You promptly proceed to devour the meat. Afterwards, you walk to the nearest watercourse for a drink of water.

It is now the last hour in the afternoon.
Describe your subsequent course of action.

>>278569
Bone spears, bone needle, leather/sinew thread, leather armor

>>279072
You don't know how to tan leather.
You don't know how to join bones together to create spears. Wooden spears, though, you could make just fine.

Describe your subsequent course of action.

>>279073
Wooden spear and bone dagger then. Whittle away at a large bone until you got a nice, sharp and pointy bone instead.

Skin the corpse and scrape the skin clean of hair and flesh. Stretch the skin out over a wooden frame so that it can dry. Let it dry over the next couple of days, and then wet the rawhide again to make it pliable. Cut strips of rawhide from the skin and use it to wrap a spearhead to a spear shaft, and allow the rawhide strips used that way to harden again. Thus, you will have a stone tipped spear.

Rawhide can be used to fasten other things too, but it is not suitable for a water container.

Weave a tightly woven basket or find a gourd that can be used for carrying water.

>>279161
Probably better if we make it antler tipped or bone tipped. Getting a proper stone spearhead is probably above his skill level, and it requires a few tools we currently don't have. And I think I remember something about needing glue as well from when I last made a stonetipped spear.

>>279161
The prospect of accomplishing such a task with a badly sharpened stone isn't quite thrilling to you.

>>279074
You take the longest, straightest stick among the two left in the pile. It isn't even as long as yourself, but it will probably be better than nothing. You rub it harshly with the stone for a little while, and then you spend quite a long time attempting to carve an effective tip.

Now you have an approximately 5 feet long, pointy stick.

You are feeling tired, and it won't be long before you need to sleep.
Do you want to fuel the fire, or do anything else before going to sleep?

>>280273
Can't let the fire go out. So you're going to go look for something like a small log, then drag it back to camp, place on end in the embers and make sure they catch on and that the log doesn't properly catch on fire. Should probably make sure that it's a bit damp to make sure it doesn't set fire to the whole forest.

Be sure to keep the fire going, it's a great deal of effort to get one going again.

>>280290
You don't remember seeing fallen logs nearby last time you walked around.

You decide to just put your last piece of wood in the fire. Then you go to sleep in the usual fashion.

The night is uneventful, and you wake up about two hours after sunrise. Upon examining the improvised fire pit, you discover that some embers remain. You could probably use them to start the fire again.

What do you do now?

>>283354
Add some more fuel to the fire. Then it's time to start working on better tools.

So you're going to have to find a bigger gray somewhat waxy rock. And a thighbone, although you can get that from the corpse. Oh, and a decently heavy hard rock.