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Spice Tart
a32d59
I was going to write a wall of text outlining all of my concerns, but I'm sure you all want to read it even less than I want to write it. Instead, I'm going to post one concern at a time to fuel the discussion, and reply to what people have to say as I go.
Okay, now for some replies.
>thought it went pretty well but in my opinion when you got to the slumber party I felt like you didn't know weather you wanted to slow down and focus on the party games or just speed through it. I mean I felt like you wanted to slow down and let us play the games as much as the characters but at the same time we blew through the games so fast they didn't really leave an impression and felt more like filler to tide us over until we got to the next thing.
Admittedly, I kind of wrote myself into a corner there in terms of pacing. I feel the whole Jumprun segment went well because I was able to work through it in a session format, thus allowing a decent amount of interactivity while still being manageable in terms of how long it took. That might have felt like it went by quickly because it literally did.
However, even putting Clothing Party on the list was a really, really stupid idea that I regret immensely. With the sort of game it is, actually doing a full play session (with an appropriately sized map) would have added an unreasonably amount of time to a segment that was already dragging.
On the bright side, I do feel like it did give me time to flesh out the characters, even if the characterization there was kind of hit-or-miss. (I'll get to that later.)
>Also a question, just how innocent is Aria's world? I mean I'm not sure if Aria is just naive as hell or other then battles to the nude there's really no conflict for people to worry about?
A little of both. Aria is kind of naive, but there really is very little serious internal social conflict outside of the battles. This isn't to say that there isn't any, but it's pretty minor for the most past. Most conflict in this setting comes from small-scale interpersonal conflicts.
>I'm more curious about where the pace will go now, though I am quite enjoying the world building aspects myself.
I'm hoping to increase the pace in later installments, as at the current pacing this will never be finished. There are a number of ways I'm planning to increase the pace.
1. Use character sprites whenever possible, especially during battles.
This will let me get more updates out much faster, thus allowing more content to be presented. This will not be at the expense of actual character expression. If a feel that you should be able to see a character react to something in a more flexible manner, I'll draw a separate image for it. I might also be introducing a specialized "sprite mode" for battles, which I'll elaborate upon once I have an example image to show you all.
2. Switch from script format to paragraph format
In other words, I'll be going from this:
ARIA: Ha ha! I did it!
MAURINE: Great game, Aria.
ABBEY: I almost beat you, too!
Abbey looks at me and twitches her eyebrows.
ABBEY: So... Is the birthday girl still too chicken for strip games...?
To this:
"Ha ha! I did it!" I yell, pumping my wing and raising my controller.
Maurine looks over to me and smiles, "Great game, Aria."
"I almost beat you, too!" Abbey yells, sounding a enthusiastic, but a little disappointed. She looks at me and twitches her eyebrows, "So... Is the birthday girl still too chicken for strip games...?"
The prose there isn't exactly stellar, but I think it gets the basic idea across. The I feel that this format is much more readable, descriptive, aesthetically pleasing, and easier to work with. It'll also let me fill in the holes between images better, and allow me to describe the tone of voice characters are using, which is something I felt I was lacking in script format. More to-the-point, it allows for more fluid abbreviation, so I'll be able to simply describe less important moments instead of having to write out dialogue for everything.
3. Increase the text-to-image ratio, occasionally longer posts.
Basically, more text to less images to allow me to cover more ground quickly when imagery is less important.
4. Abuse closeups
This is something I saw Nem's Quest doing, and I feel it might be a good idea. Basically, simply use head-shots to fill in some less important updates.
>Kind of interesting how the setting started to come together there at the end. A world where violent injury just doesn't work. It kind of suggests how their society could have developed to be what it is. Different safe norms, different means of conflict resolution, people ending focused on different stuff.
Pretty much.
>...although someone is going to have to explain where they get bacon from.
Things like this will eventually be explained in-quest.
>>85134
Not addressing this, as I don't want to tip my hand here. You do make some interesting points, however.
>I personally thought of it almost as a Shonen world but half-sexualized (because nudity) half-innocennced (no injuries, just clothing damage) It's odd in the balance between the two, but I personally lean more towards childish, almost? The artwork, the way things work, the fact that 'horror' as a concept doesn't seem to exist in this world...And besides really little toddlers I bet don't care one way or the other about clothing so... Yeah.
This is pretty close to spot-on, though I feel the innocence-sexualization balance should rest at closer to 30-70 in favor of innocence, as opposed to 50-50. Admittedly, keeping the tone and characterization properly balanced has been difficult, as I basically have to walk a tightrope between the two.
If I go too far on the innocence side I risk losing psychological realism, as we are dealing with adults with sex drives, so of course the fights will be sexually charged to at least a small extent. However, if I go too far in the other direction, I risk falling headlong into creepyland, a place full of creepy leering drooling neckbeards, which is somewhere I really, really do not want to end up, especially given the currently skewed gender ratio of the cast. I feel like I haven't exactly done the best at walking this tightrope, especially in terms of character design, but I plan to take measures to make it easier to do so. I'll address those in a later post.
Whelp, that's all the replies. So much for not writing a wall of text. *sigh*
Also, there's an announcement I should probably get out of the way here: I am putting this on hiatus for the next month or so to allow me the time I need to properly build out the world, plotlines, and possibly mechanics. I will occasionally post sketches and such to show you all the kinds of stuff I'm working on.
Before I close out this post, I would like to drop a few questions.
For one, how was the dialogue? I feel that it was kind of stilted and awkward, personally, but I'm not sure how I would even go about fixing that.
I was also considering starting to take suggestions through Weasyl as well, denoting any of their suggestions with >the color blue. Is this a good idea, y/n?
Also, how do you all regard the two arena leader fights you saw near the end, not only in terms of mechanics, but also tone. Who was right there?Were the forfeits too much? Was anyone right? Did you feel there was a particular side you were supposed to be on in those fights?
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