Absurdity DeVoid 2026/01/03(Sat)16:45 No. 144745 ID: 4619d0
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The Priestess of Pain's inner thoughts: "I know what the first tool is, but the second one is unknown to me."

Absurdity DeVoid 2026/01/03(Sat)16:46 No. 144746 ID: 4619d0
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The Priestess of Pain's inner thoughts: "The cat looks like somebody who is emotionally immature. She shows how she is feeling and constantly switches her mood."

Absurdity DeVoid 2026/01/03(Sat)16:47 No. 144747 ID: 4619d0
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The Priestess of Pain's inner thoughts: "While the dog is more stressed out and looking for dangers. But when she is not doing that, she seems like her mind is outside of her body, and she is staring in the distance."

Absurdity DeVoid 2026/01/03(Sat)16:49 No. 144748 ID: 4619d0
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The Priestess of Pain's inner thoughts: "But I shouldn't be so judgmental, they are young after all. I was like that in my past, and their past will not define them."

Absurdity DeVoid 2026/01/03(Sat)16:51 No. 144749 ID: 4619d0
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The Priestess of Pain: "Thank you for the gifts. I might use one of the tools for an upcoming performance. It all depends on my gift recipient."

This could be very lucky or very unlucky. I'll take the chance to do something while she's distracted by her gifts.

>>144671
Welcome to the mall, moth lady! Glad you finally made it. Enjoy the festivities, and don't be too put off by the locals. They might seem a bit weird at first, but a lot of them are fun once you get to know them. But some of them aren't, so approach them caution.

Tineola: My gift to you is a chastity belt. You get a sleek, form-fitting design with a built-in locking mechanism, so you can wear it discreetly under your new clothes.

Just thought you'd appreciate it if the colorless bird lady starts getting touchy-feely in a way you don't like. Or maybe in a way you do like. But you might need to take it somewhere else if you start getting intimate. We try to keep things safe for public viewing here in the mall.

Silicon 2026/01/04(Sun)07:32 No. 144753 ID: 414b45
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Agents Fera and Gladii have gone over the entire bookstore to find some appropriate gift.
Fera is examining yet another book shelf when...

>>144669

Fera: "Hey what's this? Someone left a photograph here. Uhm... How peculiar! Hey Gladii, look at this weird photo!"

Silicon 2026/01/04(Sun)07:32 No. 144754 ID: 414b45
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Gladii: "..."
Fera: "This is really strange!"
Gladii: "It is."
Fera: "Okay, so I guess we're just gonna keep looking."
Gladii: "Let's do just that."

Silicon 2026/01/04(Sun)07:32 No. 144755 ID: 414b45
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Fera: "Well this one looks cute! It's titled A Daisy Among Briars."

It is too high up for Fera to reach, so Gladii takes it down and flips through a couple random pages.

Gladii: "Mmmh, I think not. This will not send the right message."
Fera: "What do you mean?"
Gladii: "It's quite graphic."
Fera: "Oh. Like... too violent?"
Gladii: "No."

Agent Gladii puts the book back.

Silicon 2026/01/04(Sun)07:32 No. 144756 ID: 414b45
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Fera: "Well that's it, I guess we need to move on. Or find a different strategy. otherwise we'll be here forever."
Gladii: "Hmm, I think I may have just found a solution."

Silicon 2026/01/04(Sun)07:32 No. 144757 ID: 414b45
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Agent Gladii approaches Samsara, festive envelope in hand.

Gladii: "Good afternoon. Do not be alarmed! I come bearing a peace offering. I... I am sorry for- Well not exactly sorry, but... I apologize for trying to kill you. Or rather for killing you though it didn't actually turn out that way in the end."
Gladii: "What I mean to say is, I am not going to try that again. On behalf of the Agency I present you with this gift of reconciliation."

Silicon 2026/01/04(Sun)07:32 No. 144758 ID: 414b45
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Gladii: "It is an Agency requisition form. I have filled it out for you and it is ready to go in the mail. The Agency can tap into the far end of the possibility space. It can drag up things that don't exist, things that no longer exist, things that do not exist yet and even things that will never exist. It can make the abstract physical and the impossible true. I have slept in hotel rooms that shouldn't have fit into the building. I have heard songs that sing the listener. I have seen a fractal horse composed of itself a thousandfold."
Gladii: "For anyone else it would find something normal, something explicable, understandable. But for you? For you it will have to dig deep. I do not know what it will find for you. But I promise that it will be something you've never seen before."
Gladii: "Heus! Ex nihilo omnes fiunt."

Baron 2026/01/06(Tue)16:18 No. 144759 ID: 89ca74
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BOOOOM!

The explosion is far greater than an IED has any right to have. But-

Gremzhemund: "Ueeeauugh what the shit? Those people said they had no more explosive compound! Who is blowing up stuff?!"

Gremzhemund turns to see the damage and is horrified.

Baron 2026/01/06(Tue)16:19 No. 144760 ID: 89ca74
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Gremzhemund: "No...No! My creation! The explosion activated them too early! They're awake! Which means....WHICH MEANS-"

(Dan du dan du dan du da-daaan Dan du dan du dan du da-duuun)

Baron 2026/01/06(Tue)16:20 No. 144761 ID: 89ca74
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Kurampa-Sue: "AAAAH! After Ten Thousand Years I'm Free! It's Time To Conquer Earth!"
(Dadada-dadada-duuum)

Kurampa-Sue: " Gurranchu! Go and Steal Christmas!"
(Dan du dan du dan du da-daaan Dan du dan du dan du da-duuun)

Baron 2026/01/06(Tue)16:21 No. 144762 ID: 89ca74
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Zornog: Samsara! Kurampa-Sue has escaped. Recruit a team of teenagers with attitude!
(Widdly widdly widdly widdly widdly widdly widdly widdly meedly meedly mreeeeeeer!)

Baron 2026/01/06(Tue)16:21 No. 144763 ID: 89ca74
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Yuletide Red: "Not so fast Gurranchu!"

Gremzhemund: "They're here too early..."
(Go go Yuletide rangers!)

maddie 2026/01/06(Tue)18:05 No. 144765 ID: 39a511
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Maya: "what the fuck did you DO?!?? THAT WAS HER PRESENT!!"

maddie 2026/01/06(Tue)18:05 No. 144766 ID: 39a511
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Maya: "and what the fuck did YOU do???!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR CREATION??!"

maddie 2026/01/06(Tue)18:06 No. 144767 ID: 39a511
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Maya: "and whatever YOU mean by 'stealing Christmas', albeit vague, will NYOT be allowed to continue!"
Jaden: "Maya, SHUT UP These are TERRORISTS, we need to LEAVE."

Kakroon 2026/01/07(Wed)12:49 No. 144770 ID: 681cb5
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Never fear, Grem is here! Grem mean Green Ranger is here, not Grem! No one know who Green Ranger is, not even Grem! But Grem think Green Ranger is cool!

Green Ranger fights with moss and isn't afraid of anything! Except Grem. That thing scares Green Ranger.

Nalthar 2026/01/07(Wed)21:07 No. 144772 ID: fd169b
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Such nice kids. Even if Maya can be a bit hmmmmm. And Jaden... was eating a battery? Where did he get that?

But anyway the Rainforest Cafe! Isn't it great. You can really taste how most of the budget goes to the decor.

"Oh what's this? A festive envelope"

Nalthar 2026/01/07(Wed)21:07 No. 144773 ID: fd169b
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Sam sighs and puts the form back in the festive envelope.

"Surprise is... overrated. Do you know how many sunsets I've seen? How many sunsets I've been? Trillions of times on Billions of planets. From every angle, every eye, across both electromagnetic spectra.

Fatalism isn't real. I don't know what the sunset will look like tonight. But I know every way it could look. And that's fine. Because a memory, or imagined future, pales in comparison to the lived experience. The here and now. The sunset tonight will be spectacular, or mundane, or completely hidden behind the clouds, and it will be worth seeing because I will be there to see it. Or something like that."

Nalthar 2026/01/07(Wed)21:08 No. 144774 ID: fd169b
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"And right here"

Nalthar 2026/01/07(Wed)21:08 No. 144775 ID: fd169b
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"Right now"

Nalthar 2026/01/07(Wed)21:09 No. 144776 ID: fd169b
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"You need to help me beat the 1994 Jurassic Park arcade game! It's a lightgun game, and the seat moves around, and you shoot at the T-rex while it chases you, and its wildly unfair and difficult so I need you to spot me some quarters! Also the way things are going we might need to drive it out of here"

Nalthar 2026/01/07(Wed)21:10 No. 144777 ID: fd169b
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"And as for you. I'm trying to do a rivals to platonic, aromantic, extremely long distance, nonsexual lovers-and-or-friends angle over here. Don't screw this up for me. Use this to summon the teens from Jumpstart 6th Grade: Mission EarthQuest to join your squad or whatever. Merry Christmas"

Absurdity DeVoid 2026/01/08(Thu)02:27 No. 144778 ID: 4619d0
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Yuletide Pink: "We will stop you from stealing Christmas!"

Silicon 2026/01/14(Wed)03:06 No. 144791 ID: 815fee
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Gladii: "..."

Silicon 2026/01/14(Wed)03:19 No. 144795 ID: 815fee
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Gladii: "..."

Silicon 2026/01/14(Wed)03:19 No. 144796 ID: 815fee
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Gladii: "All right, let us do this thing!"

Silicon 2026/01/14(Wed)03:19 No. 144797 ID: 815fee
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They proceed to rack up the worst score anyone's ever seen.

>>144797
Congrats, you two! Or however many you are. Have a little something to celebrate your accomplishments, whatever they may be.

Samsara: My next gift to you is four McSalad Shakers, to share. Enjoy the memories of great fast food items that we once had.

Absurdity DeVoid 2026/01/15(Thu)06:12 No. 144800 ID: 4619d0
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Sanctity of Life: "What is the matter? You seem a little bit sad."

Cruelty of Death: "With all the chaos that is happening with that little green creature, no one is dying. What kind of sick world is this?"

Sanctity of Life: "Maybe this ritualistic celebration has a protective purpose to everoen here."

Absurdity DeVoid 2026/01/15(Thu)06:13 No. 144801 ID: 4619d0
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Cruelty of Death: "Well, it doesn't matter. Everyone who wanted to got a present had joy in staying here. So why did you bring me to this place, just to make me suffer?"

Absurdity DeVoid 2026/01/15(Thu)06:14 No. 144802 ID: 4619d0
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Sanctity of Life: "Just because living beings are not dying here doesn't mean we can't do something else that also brings you joy. Do you remember our song?"

Cruelty of Death: "Yeah, I remember it."

Sanctity of Life: "Then let's sing it together."

Cruelty of Death: "Fine. I got nothing better to do."

Absurdity DeVoid 2026/01/15(Thu)06:16 No. 144803 ID: 4619d0
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The two of them were singing the The Bird Song (with Em Beihold) · Noah Floersch · Em Beihold, and when their performance was over, they left this celebration.

Nalthar 2026/01/15(Thu)23:40 No. 144805 ID: fd169b
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In the zaniest 90s way possible Sam drove that Jurassic Park cabinet right out of the mall, picking up a few extra gifts along the way.

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!" she said, even though it was the middle of the day and well into January at this point.

maddie 2026/01/23(Fri)21:09 No. 144858 ID: 39a511
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Maya: "HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Baron 2026/02/01(Sun)00:50 No. 144888 ID: 89ca74
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"Yuletide Red?! No! Yoooouuuu Yuletide loser! You won't stop me from stealing all holidays! Not today!"

"It's January!"

"Not when I'll use the collected holiday cheer to DESTROY THE MOON!

Gremzhemund:"The fuck is he talking about?"

Baron 2026/02/01(Sun)00:52 No. 144889 ID: 89ca74
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"I summon the Putty Grumlings! Have fun with my soldiers of rotten tidings!"

Gremzhemund:"I don't remember giving him any ability to do that..."

Baron 2026/02/01(Sun)00:52 No. 144890 ID: 89ca74
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"...-ing to do a rivals to platonic, aromantic, extremely long distance-"

Gremzhemund:"Guh." Who is this? Why the hell am I getting distracted? I need to get to food court and steal all their Hi-C Ecto Cooler...and then to Dairy Queen to steal all their Egg Nog Blizzards...is she still talking?"

Gremzhemund:"The hell am I supposed to do with this?"

Baron 2026/02/01(Sun)00:53 No. 144891 ID: 89ca74
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Gremzhemund:"Eeeeh whatever, I'll wing it."

Baron 2026/02/01(Sun)00:54 No. 144892 ID: 89ca74
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Gremzhemund:"HEY TEENS! No, not you, THE ONES GETTING MOLESTED!"

Baron 2026/02/01(Sun)00:54 No. 144893 ID: 89ca74
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Gremzhemund: "CATCH!"

plap

plap

Jaden: "What the heck was-"

Baron 2026/02/01(Sun)00:54 No. 144894 ID: 89ca74
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AaaaaaaAAAaaaaaAAA-AAAA-AAAAA-Aaaaaa! Raaaaaaangeeeeeers-

Baron 2026/02/01(Sun)00:55 No. 144895 ID: 89ca74
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Property Damage! Yuletide Rangers! Hol-iday Cheer. GO!

Gremzhemund:"Huh. Worked better than expected."