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File 158759048250.png - (369.03KB , 461x273 , F0-Oh god what am I doing.png )
963069 No. 963069 ID: dce46f

I've prepared my whole life for this moment! I'm inches away from achieving true Zen and oneness with the universe! There's just one thing holding me back from finally achieving my life long goal of true zen and it is...

Uh... its... hrmm...
Expand all images
No. 963070 ID: dce46f
File 158759055143.png - (6.16KB , 484x476 , F1-ZenSweats.png )

Shit I forgot whats holding me back! Crap what was it? How could I forget something so important? Oh no once people realize I've forgotten all the other zen masters are gonna laugh at me again.

>What is holding this aspiring zen master back from achieving his quest for zen?

Hey! I'm Pawn_01 and I have 0 art skills and haven't done creative writing since middleschool, welcome to my quest first quest! I intend to keep it short and low prep as I'm really just testing the waters to see if I like doing this feel free to yell at me about how awful it is as I go!
No. 963071 ID: 7f716e

Chakra machine is broken. repair man won't be around till monday
No. 963072 ID: e7c7d3

It's the copious amount of porn on your computer.You just can't keep your mind off of those curves
No. 963074 ID: f56a2b

You were trying to let go of wanting to let go! Don't psych yourself out now! It's not important!
No. 963075 ID: c84ff4

I think you forgot to just do it.
No. 963076 ID: 0fae41

What's holding you back is an excess of limbs. Limbs are the final material possession.
No. 963077 ID: 891b91

You're tortured by the same existential question which has plagued humankind for eons: Why did the chicken cross the road?

You require many chickens and many roads to learn the answer to this burning question, so that you may finally achieve nirvana.
No. 963078 ID: b1b4f3

Your pride. Why do you care if the other zen masters laugh? Abandon ego.
No. 963084 ID: dce46f
File 158759249903.png - (9.20KB , 484x476 , F2-ZenChakraMachine.png )

I can't wait that long, Monday is 6 days away! I need to fix the Chakra Box now! Its got all my porn on it! Oh if only I'd gotten a degree in techincal zen instead of creative zen studies I could fix this myself.
But the porn is on the Chakra box! If one must go then so must the other but I'm pretty sure the zen master who sold me the chakra box told me I couldn't ascend without it! And all that porn, that collection is my life's work, how can I posssibly learn to leave this behind? Collecting porn has always been so meditative for me!
How can I let go of letting go? Letting go (and all this porn) is all I have left!
But sawing off my limbs would hurt! If I'm overwhelmed by pain how will I achieve the meditation I need to ascend?
truly it is a higher mystery, but where will I get all the chickens I need to help me answer this question empirically?

I don't know what to do! Voices in my head that are surely a symptom of my closeness to true zen what should I do? Should I...
>Try and fix the chakra box myself and hope that it helps me ascend?
>Let the chakra box die and ascend without it and without the porn that has gotten me so close to zen?
>Focus on stripping away frivolous mortal trappings like limbs?
>Experiment with higher mysteries?
>something else? (explain what else the zen aspirant could be doing!)
please choose one or two options
No. 963087 ID: e7c7d3

Fix the box and grab some chickens. Now I'm not saying your zen porn involves chickens crossing roads, but I'm also saying we won't judge
No. 963088 ID: 7f716e

You know when you feel down, turning yourself on and off again with all that porn you have gets you working again. Perhaps, if you turned the chakra box on and off again, it'll fix itself?
No. 963089 ID: f56a2b

Uh, I got bad news if you think we're a sign of inner peace or tranquility... but regarding your efforts, I think you better fix the porn-box or whatever.
No. 963091 ID: 891b91

Yeah! Turn it off and on again! A lot, over and over again. It's like a lightswitch rave except it's with the Chakra Box. A Chakrave, if you will.
No. 963097 ID: dce46f
File 158759646659.png - (9.97KB , 484x476 , F3p1-ZenChakraMachineRepair.png )

Fixing the chakra box seems like the path forward then! I'll rapidly pat out these dangerous looking flames!
No. 963098 ID: dce46f
File 158759647619.png - (10.89KB , 484x476 , F3p2-ZenChakraMachineRepair.png )

I flip the on switch a couple of times and I swear It feels like I'm oscillating between closer and further from true zen, but its still not enough, we'll need more comprehensive repairs!
I go to the hardware store and grab some tools that I think might help with computer repair, and then I drop by KZC to pick up some fried chicken hoping it'll work as well as real chickens for reflection on the greater mysteries but their deep-fryer is broken so they just give me some normal chickens, what luck!

Time to get to work! I flip around the chakra box and am confronted with a warning and four bolts (not screws!) holding the casing on the box together. I have A Screwdriver, A Crowbar, A Blow Torch, and Live Chicken (x4) with which to fix the box. Which tool here is best for prying open the casing?
>What tool should the zen aspirant use to open the chakra box and how should he do it?
No. 963127 ID: e7c7d3

What is a screwdriver without any screws? Untwist this mystery as one would untwist the bolts
No. 963137 ID: dce46f
File 158760000255.png - (10.59KB , 484x476 , F4-ZenScrewdriver.png )

My eyes are opened! Without a screw the screwdriver is purposeless, a tool with no use! It is nothing, disconnected from all worldly entanglements and released into a pure state of being! This screwdriver is a microcosm of zen. Many other zen masters have called me both useless and a tool in the past, were they hinting at this revelation all along? Were their laughs really not of mockery but of joy at sharing such divine truths? I feel as though by accepting the truth of this I have come closer to approaching the end of my journey to zen.

The case is still closed but my eyes are now that much more open. Is the path to enlightenment truly Chakra-based PC repair?
No. 963138 ID: 7f716e

They say that the flap of a butterfly's wing can have crazy consequences on the other side of the world. Perhaps the flap of a chicken wing will have more localized effects that can help you open this panel
No. 963140 ID: c84ff4

you requested prying the crowbar is known to be the best at that.
No. 963147 ID: dce46f
File 158760312967.png - (18.45KB , 484x476 , F5-ZenCoverOpen.png )

In the hopes of making the chicken flap its wings I toss it at high velocity out my window! As I turn around the bolts have disappeared! Truly this is revealing the interconnections of the universe to me!

The case seems like it has some glue on the inside as well as the bolts, however...
this crowbar makes short work of it, and pries off the casing with ease! Inside looks pretty complex!
No. 963148 ID: dce46f
File 158760324587.png - (16.16KB , 484x476 , F6-ZenChakraMachineInnards.png )

It looks like the whole thing is way out of wack! I see a cut wire to the light chi generator, the dark chi generator looks like its melted, the higher mystery analyzer is there but it has a red light on showing it has no higher mysteries to analyze, the plutonium diamond fission power source housing has a screw loose and is wiggling, and the spiritual balancer has no chi to balance with!

luckily the porn drive looks safe, that's a relief.

How in Buddha's name am I gonna fix this?
No. 963150 ID: 891b91

As long as you're in there, be sure to add some sickass RGB lighting and a tempered glass side panel. It's all the rage in the Chakra Box enthusiast community!

Also wave a chicken at it or something. Maybe while chanting, "CHICKEN FIX CHAKRA BOX, CHICKEN FIX CHAKRA BOX"
No. 963151 ID: e7c7d3

Hmm, use the screwdriver to tighten the screw-loose. Use a chicken to clean up the dark chi generator. Was their any higher mysteries left at the store that you could top off the analyzer with?
No. 963152 ID: 891b91

Also I dunno, try wiping that schmutz off of the dark chi generator. Probably has something to do with the problem.
No. 963153 ID: c84ff4

for one the light chi generator wire is not connected
No. 963154 ID: b1b4f3

Okay: first tighten that loose screw.
Reconnect the light chi generator by scavenging the wire from the higher mystery analyzer. It's got nothing to analyze anyway. Then use your blowtorch backwards to unmelt the dark chi generator. The balancer should get back to work once the generators are going.
Then you can seal it back up again.
No. 963165 ID: dce46f
File 158760815690.png - (29.28KB , 614x622 , F7-ZenRitual.png )

I'm not sure if its fixing my box but I sure feel alot more one with nature while doing this!
No. 963166 ID: dce46f
File 158760819618.png - (22.84KB , 484x476 , F8-ZenChakraBoxGrandRepair.png )

I add some multicolor LED strips to the top of the case, I can't ascend without ascending in style!
I ratchet in that loose screw and use the blowtorch to melt the gunk off the dark chi generator, the I shamwowify that chicken to clean out the schmutz! Good combo move team!
I salvage some wire from the higher mystery analyzer, its probably not that important anyway right?

What do you say Zen voices of tranquility? Do you think I've done a good enough job to reseal this baby and watch porn for the next 36 hours straight and ascend to nirvana?
No. 963168 ID: c84ff4

wait to seal run it open to see if it works
No. 963169 ID: b1b4f3

I changed my mind, swap the porn drive wire for the higher mystery analyzer.

The thing you forgot was to give up porn.
No. 963170 ID: 891b91

Yes, close the chakra box back up and have a nice evening of watching the most spiritually ascendant porn you can muster while petting the clean chickens.
No. 963171 ID: 891b91

or watching higher mysteries (which might turn out to be back episodes of Unsolved Mysteries if we're lucky) if we go with >>963169's suggestion to swap the wires.
No. 963172 ID: e7c7d3

Well, that one chicken is now tarred and feathered and must therefor be a heretic that must be run out of town. Otherwse, close the box and enjoy the porn with the other chickens
No. 963173 ID: 7f716e

that chicken you threw out the window mere minutes ago... quick! connect the higher mystery analyzer wires to your forehead and observe as the chicken crosses the street.
No. 963181 ID: dce46f
File 158761033940.png - (10.65KB , 614x622 , F9-Chickquistion.png )

Me and the chickquisition make it very clear that tar-chicken's kind isn't welcome here.
No. 963182 ID: dce46f
File 158761046411.png - (23.17KB , 614x622 , F10-The Final Zen.png )

I boot it once before going any further, it seems to be working fine.
I... but... the p-porn... can I really go on without it? I have to ask myself now, zen voices, what do I really want? Do I want to follow >>963173 and truly shed my last connection to this earth and ascend pure having reflected on the highest of all mysteries? Or do I just want to hook the box up to my tv and watch porn on my widescreen with these hot chicks?

>What does the aspirant truly desire in his heart of hearts?
No. 963183 ID: 891b91

No. 963184 ID: e7c7d3

Watch the porn. We are reaching the climax of the story, after all.
No. 963185 ID: f56a2b

Why did the chicken cross the street? No amount of porn will answer this question. Achieve true Zen.
No. 963186 ID: c84ff4

you trained for this achieve zen (you may find out it still involves porn, if you don't like it I'm sure you can come back)
No. 963190 ID: 7f716e

the real zen were the chickens we watched cross the road along the way. Ascend.
No. 963202 ID: dce46f
File 158761681919.png - (10.85KB , 614x622 , F11-ZenPornResolve.png )

VOTES: 2 porn, 3 Zen

No, I've come too far, sacrificed too much, I won't turn my back on zen now! Its time I did what I should've done years ago...
No. 963203 ID: dce46f
File 158761686069.png - (18.76KB , 614x622 , F12-ZenPornDestroy.png )

I'm sorry, but you are the one part of me that cannot be allowed to survive. I crush the drive and all 12 terabytes of Fowl Cluckholding porn within into pieces
No. 963204 ID: dce46f
File 158761689077.png - (21.62KB , 614x622 , F13-ZenThrow.png )

No. 963205 ID: dce46f
File 158761694187.png - (9.64KB , 614x622 , F14-ZenWitness.png )

I tear out the analyzer and tie it to my forehead with the wire from the hardrive, and rush to the window to watch the chicken cross the road...

It is... its beautiful... the simplicity I cannot help but shed a single tear
No. 963206 ID: dce46f
File 158761698370.png - (24.96KB , 614x748 , F15-Zen Achieved.png )

Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't have a reason, it simply did. That is Zen
No. 963207 ID: dce46f

We've achieved Zen! Thanks for joining me on my first ever quest, it was a blast to run for you guys, I appreciate feedback even on silly stuff like this so feel free to go to the IRC or the discord and bother me about it there. Here are your stats:

Chickens Slain 2/4
Zens Achieved 1/1
Threesomes Had With Farm Animals 0/5
Porn Watched 0bytes/12terabytes
Computers Fixed 1/1

B+ Rank, Good job!
No. 963208 ID: dce46f

Credit to radial for the cluckholding pun, I almost forgot.
No. 963212 ID: 891b91

Whoa, that is pretty zen.

This was a lot of fun -- thanks for taking the plunge and giving questing a shot, Pawn!
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