??? 2020/03/30(Mon)17:56 No. 960087 ID: f56a2b
File 158561617437.png - (184.77KB , 600x600 , 002.png )

If I hesitate much longer, that spell is gonna fry my head for disobedience. I know I'm not sticking to the plan by lying around, but I don't know if my attackers are gone yet. Hell, if they're gone that's an even worse problem.

??? 2020/03/30(Mon)17:56 No. 960088 ID: f56a2b
File 158561619540.png - (141.75KB , 600x600 , 003.png )

I guarantee that package I wasn't supposed to lose is in their hands, won't even have to look for it... They hit us hard and fast. I'm surprised they fell for my trick. Maybe they didn't give a shit in the first place. All I know is, I'm damn lucky to be alive.

How did they know to hit us, here and now? More importantly...

What's my next move?

First thing's first look for tracks, to see what direction they went. That should keep the obedience spell off your back.
Next, make sure you have basic equipment and supplies to follow them. Loot the fallen if needed.

Oh I guess if you think the attackers might still be here you should be stealthy while getting up and looking around. Try to ambush anyone that's still here.

What sort of equipment do you still have? Anything you would need to scrounge from the fallen?

??? 2020/03/31(Tue)12:35 No. 960186 ID: f56a2b
File 158568334346.png - (125.16KB , 600x600 , 004.png )

>What sort of equipment do you have?
On my person? Not a whole lot. Nobody went over my "corpse", so I should still have my short blade. Other than that, there's one ring (formerly) enchanted with Feign Death; the enchantment is going to melt away quick once I start doing anything more than subtle minute movements. I've got a couple little potions on me, just for good health. Where exactly my spear is, I don't know. I dropped it in the pandemonium.

>Anything you would need to scrounge from the fallen?
Water, rations, a crossbow if I wanted one, a pack, bedroll, et cetera... The camels had the mundanities well in hand last I checked. You know for sure I'm not on a guard detail out in this desert without a waterskin of my own on me.

>Stealthily get up and look around
Yeah, I can do that.
>Try to ambush anyone that's still here.
Heh, if I see any-- here comes our lucky contestant now and not a moment too soon!

He's moving right on past me and that camel, so that's good. He's walking over to... what exactly, I can't see. I'll give it a few seconds; he'll have his back turned hopefully.

??? 2020/03/31(Tue)12:35 No. 960187 ID: f56a2b
File 158568334659.png - (141.85KB , 600x600 , 005.png )

Alright, he doesn't see me. He's going over to Rouen, another merc. Signed on at the same time as me. What's he want with his corpse?

No matter, I'll have one in his back in a second. Where do I strike? he could be wearing armor under all that, he might not, a swing to the head he might notice if he's quick enough--

??? 2020/03/31(Tue)12:35 No. 960188 ID: f56a2b
File 158568334907.png - (144.34KB , 600x600 , 006.png )

"AARGH!"
He was playing possum too! That's not really material right now, I need to get the drop on this would-be mercy killer while I still can! I'm in a good position right now, but I'll lose that surprise with anything but one quick strike. On the other hand all I've got is my blade. Grabbing my spear could afford me some reach but Rouen ain't gonna have an easy time of it alone while I'm preoccupied.

You better strike now. Your bro just got stabbed, so he won't last.

Go for the quick strike. There's two of you and one of him.

??? 2020/03/31(Tue)19:30 No. 960254 ID: f56a2b
File 158570821813.png - (19.80KB , 600x600 , 007.png )

>Go for the quick strike now.
Acting as fast as possible means falling back on my training. Center of mass. Side of the torso. Least likely to have layers. No time wasted on maneuvering.

Direct hit!

??? 2020/03/31(Tue)19:30 No. 960255 ID: f56a2b
File 158570822138.png - (37.55KB , 600x600 , 008.png )

What... the hell? I probably punctured his lung or something. He's shrugging it off like I just tackled him!

>"Wh-- is that you, --"

"No time for that. Get it together!"

??? 2020/03/31(Tue)19:30 No. 960256 ID: f56a2b
File 158570822489.png - (128.22KB , 600x600 , 009.png )

Me and Rouen (even if wounded) against a dead man walking with a deep stab wound should have been the safest bet.

I've only got so many (3) potions of healing on me, and they don't work quick, but they kill the pain right away. Rouen would be up and at 'em in seconds even if his left arm would be no good. Hell, maybe he has his own, but most mercs aren't as savvy in the magical enhancement department as I am.

Or, I could just "forget" to share 'em, and maybe use him as a distraction while I make sure I don't go down first. He wouldn't appreciate it.

You're fighting an undead. Aim for the limbs, disarm and disable. Once it's disarmed, hack it to pieces.
Give your buddy the potion. Try to maneuver back towards the spear so you can switch to it.

Yeah, share the potion and aim for disabling this guy. One person can be the decoy while the other attacks and then you switch off. 2 v 1 is in your favor.

¿¿¿ 2020/04/01(Wed)11:54 No. 960391 ID: f56a2b
File 158576729839.png - (18.44KB , 600x600 , 010.png )

Man, this is bullshit!

I critted that fucking thing for 25 damage! Now he says it's "shrugging it off like I just tackled him"?

Eli probably thinks this works like 3rd edition or some shit like that, and Undead can't be sneak attacked or critically hit. He's kind of a fucker too, so I wouldn't expect him to tell me-- hell, he wouldn't let Kevin know what his Insight roll was to check the two mercenary NPCs that went along with us, and what do you know! THEY FUCKING MERKED HIS CLERIC AND RAN OFF!

Now this dude comes back to the ambush and, WHAT DO YOU KNOW, he immediately tries to coup-de-grace Maggy's warrior. Had to fucking have it out with this dude about how playing dead isn't the same as being unconscious, so he "settled" for that zombie-thing getting a free critical hit. I'm not a rules lawyer but you just can't let someone else do that shit to a poor girl like her! Fucking play fair!

He's still kind of pissed that I interrupted play to tell him how his game should work.

Do I get into it with him over undead immunities or do I let it ride so we can get on with the fucking fight?

When the DM is wrong, it’s your job as a player to bully him until he either gets that shit straight, or quits.

That’s just how these things are done.

¿¿¿ 2020/04/01(Wed)18:27 No. 960444 ID: f56a2b
File 158579084135.png - (13.72KB , 600x600 , 011.png )

Eli.

Eli.

"Shh. Don't interrupt, I'm looking something up in the monster manual..."

Eli.

"Yes?"

You know that sneak attacks and critical hits affect undead, right?

"Oh, gee, do they now?"

Yes, in 5th edition they do.

"Hmm, that's funny, I thought I was the DM here."

Motherfucker.

So, did I do full damage to him or not?

He gives me a blank stare. "I don't know." This motherfucker!

>>960444
Ask him... to immerse you. What apparent effect does the vicious slice of your blade do to this terrifying undead foe.

¿¿¿ 2020/04/01(Wed)19:44 No. 960462 ID: f56a2b
File 158579544152.png - (13.66KB , 600x600 , 012.png )

Well... from my character's perspective, what effect did my viscious slice have on that terrifying undead foe.

"I never said it was undead."

Whatever. What about my point of view of the slice?

"I thought you tried to backstab the enemy, earlier?" Who gives a fuck?

"Your blade sunk into their side, then they recoiled from you with a grunt and fell over, but they didn't seem to be in much pain. The wound isn't bleeding either."

Ok, thanks.

"Anyways, the... 'Bedouin' charges YOU." Great. "Does a 19-"

"I use my reaction to make it take disadvantage."

"Ok... does a 15 hit you?"

Yes. No. As of right now, my character can no longer add his ability score bonus to attacks with his off-hand weapon... because he instead took a +1 to AC while wearing armor option instead.

"Alright, that's all. Your turn, Margaret."

"I put away my sword and draw my sling. I ready an action to shoot as soon as I get ammo in my hand." She looks at me and stage whispers: "Make a strength check to knock him over, then give me a handful of silver pieces."

Uh, sure.

"Your turn now. What are you talking about over there?"

Nothing, don't worry. Anyways, I... make a strength check to knock it down? 17?

"Let me see... ok, it's knocked over."

I hand Maggie a big handful of silver coins.

"Y-"

"I react and use my readied action to attack. It's my turn after that, so I Action Surge and use both of my actions to attack. Does a 14 hit?

"Don't forget you disadvantage for being next to it."

"I haven't. Does a 14 hit?"

"No."

"Does a 18 hit?"

"Well, yes."

"Ok, that's five hits. I use a superiority die to disarm the fiend. I do 37 damage with silver ammunition plus 8 from the disarm attempt for 45 total."

"...the creature goes still with a moan not unlike the sound of wind rustling through dead trees, and quickly decomposes into dust, which is swept away by the desert wind-- how did you know it was a daemon?"

"Oh, it was? I just called it that to be theatrical."

Well, that's that. Match point, holy fuck Mags. Do they write strategy guides for this shit or something? Damn.

Huh, a demon that won't take critical hit damage? Strange.

Anyway check around for more survivors or enemies.

¿¿¿ 2020/04/01(Wed)21:11 No. 960474 ID: f56a2b
File 158580069088.png - (13.94KB , 600x600 , 013.png )

>A demon that won't take critical hit damage?

...I think my weapon didn't do much because it wasn't silver. I know Maggie didn't ask for my coins 'cause she forgot her ammo or something; she's better at this than I am.

So... are there any more of them?

"No, he came alone."

I take out my spyglass and look at the dunes, do I see any?

"You have a spyglass?"

Yeah, I wrote it down on my character sheet. Wasn't it in the equipment list or something?

"Where, pray tell, did you get the thousand gold to buy it?" What... the fuck.

Err, my bad, I... thought it said copper pieces. I'll just erase it.

"In any case, you have a clear view of the surrounding dunes and do not see any more adversaries or, in fact, any notable features."

Is Kevin's character still alive or did he die?

"K- Fulminus Pious is obviously dead. He got impaled by his own sword, remember?" No, numbnuts, that's why I asked if he died.

"...did the demon leave any tracks on his way here that we can follow?"

"It's a Daemon, and yes, it did. The tracks lead off, under the sign of the Blue Star. A most ominous portent." He's got that look in his eyes, oh boy...

"As you picked up in the tavern before you got hired for this expedition, the Blue Star hasn't illuminated the sky more than a few tendays. Now, after a face to face encounter with a fiend in human form, you backtrack along his footsteps, perhaps about to follow him... to the hells he surely returned to."

We didn't say we were going to follow the tracks yet.

"Oh, erm- okay?"

"I'll take the bedrolls, the packs, the crossbows, the rations and waterskins, any treasure the demon had, and I'll strip search Fulmin's corpse for equipment. The sword stuck in his corpse, too."

I'll get my spear back. And the five silver pieces she hit the zombie with.

"Now, we'll follow those tracks."

"...Ok, you take the daemon's scimitar and your five coins. You also find a pendant with a bloodstone cameo of a dragon's head embedded in it. At the end of the trail, a short hike away, you come to the summit of a dune. Whatshisname, your perception is high enough to notice the smell of ozone in the air, and upon further inspection, there seems to be a square or perhaps cube of air where the sky beyond it looks lighter in color by a tint."

You know what? Roll to determine if a friendly cute monster girl shows up. Or else you're leaving this clusterfish.

¿¿¿ 2020/04/01(Wed)21:58 No. 960482 ID: f56a2b
File 158580353255.png - (16.83KB , 600x600 , 014.png )

Fuck it.

If I walk through there and there isn't a monstergirl to be found, I'm out.

"Excuse me?"

"...what?"

You heard me. This is just a total clusterf- fish. Roll dice for it or not, I'm just letting you know that, in character, not even a Geas is going to make me jump through this portal into hell or wherever it goes. The only thing that can move me, in my heart of hearts ugh..., is one or more kemono honies on the other side of that door. Big, small, I don't give a damn. I just need something to look forward to besides getting to play as this character for another session.

"Okay."

Huh?

"...WHAT?"

"No, I can respect that."

"Guys, this is just weird."

"Not any weirder than that 'Zim and Dib Romance' you-"

"SHUT UP!"

"What, I'm only saying-"

"Forget it, if you two want to play furry tea party then go ahead. I'll go find someone else who knows what they're doing. You suck at combat anyways, dork.

Damn dude, sorry. If you still want to run this, I'll stick around. Fuck, there go my chances with her... eh, she doesn't appreciate men of culture anyways.

"It's ok, just... you'll have to play her character, alright? I can't go and rebalance everything on the fly with her gone..."

No problem, buddy.

"And... I'm not going to roleplay a romantic interest with you. If you want to have that going on, that's up to you, but the character is going to be under your control as well. Just don't be too... lewd."

Sure. And thanks again for running this game.

"You're welcome."

Happy April 1st!