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File 126133266894.jpg - (21.80KB , 620x600 , sparkles.jpg )
95242 No. 95242 ID: 4b3fb1

You know...

It's not easy to be a vampire. To be forever young and popular... To never tire or hunger... To sparkle in the sun...

You know how hard it is to find toner that matches my pale skin?

I think vampires have the hardest time of all!
Expand all images
>>
No. 95244 ID: 222952

What is your name, oh forsaken soul?
>>
No. 95249 ID: 4b3fb1
File 12613335155.jpg - (31.91KB , 620x600 , sparkles2.jpg )
95249

I was once Gustaf von Hibbelschlosser, but that name's totally lame and bummer, so just call me Gus.

Oh, and the damn doorbell's been ringing for like 5 minutes and my lame-ass excuses of foster parents aren't home.
>>
No. 95250 ID: 9e9b47

>>95249

Sigh heavily and go answer it.
>>
No. 95256 ID: 222952

Will you never find rest? I suppose you'll need to answer this intruder before you can reach any calm.
>>
No. 95257 ID: 4b3fb1
File 126133405194.jpg - (38.46KB , 620x600 , sparkles3.jpg )
95257

Shit!

...it's a Witness. He asks if he can come in.
>>
No. 95259 ID: 9e9b47

>>95257

Sure, I don't see any sort of danger here whatsoever.
>>
No. 95260 ID: 3879b9

Tell him you don't believe in it and he has to deal with your misbelief.
>>
No. 95261 ID: 35cea2

>>95257

Witness? As in, Jehovah's Witness?

Man, those guys have gotten significantly more badass since the last time I threw one out of my house.
>>
No. 95263 ID: 4b3fb1

>>95259
Oh man, now I gotta listen to his bullshit. He's also soaking wet and makes a weird clinking sound when he walks.
>>95260
He replies he's prepared to deal with my misbelief.

Now I have a damn JW in my house. Man, my life is so hard.
>>
No. 95265 ID: 4b3fb1
File 126133515714.jpg - (31.05KB , 620x600 , sparkles4.jpg )
95265

((Picture))
>>
No. 95268 ID: e024d0

>>95265
uhm. excuse me but he looks rather more like a, how shall I say this, deamonhunter than a door to door witness.
>>
No. 95269 ID: 4b3fb1
File 126133580490.jpg - (38.37KB , 620x600 , sparkles5.jpg )
95269

He asks me if I'd like to make a confession.

Oh man, we're not supposed to tell anyone we're vampires, but no one's reading my LiveJournal or Twitter! I, like, really need to tell people all about me, you know.

What should I do?
>>
No. 95272 ID: 9e9b47

>>95269

Start telling him how, like, due to your disease, like nobody at all will listen to you, you know?

Tell him about all of your highschool drama. I think that's what he wants to hear.
>>
No. 95274 ID: 4b3fb1
File 126133686940.jpg - (40.84KB , 620x600 , sparkles6.jpg )
95274

Wow, this guy is a great listener.

He says he's got a present for me. I bet it's a bible or something.

Should I accept?
>>
No. 95275 ID: f256f2

It's present, man. What kind of question is that?
>>
No. 95277 ID: 697b23

>>95274
It's a real-life friend request.

Accept, of course. It's probably gum or something.
>>
No. 95279 ID: 3879b9

It's probably a red-hot poker of righteousness.

Of course you should accept it.
>>
No. 95282 ID: 4b3fb1
File 126133811878.jpg - (31.18KB , 620x600 , sparkles7.jpg )
95282

I accept.

He gets up and drops his pants.
>>
No. 95287 ID: fb5d8e

Now stuff that red-hot poker of righteousness in your mouth and enjoy it.
>>
No. 95291 ID: 632862

>>95282
Glare at him and tell him to get out of your house.
>>
No. 95294 ID: 9e9b47

>>95282

Awkwardly tell him that you're a vampire.

Vampires are allergic to human penises.
>>
No. 95300 ID: 4b3fb1
File 126133885252.jpg - (34.61KB , 620x600 , sparkles8.jpg )
95300

STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM
>>
No. 95304 ID: 4b3fb1
File 126133918269.jpg - (31.79KB , 620x600 , sparkles9.jpg )
95304

You're pretty lucky we were raiding your house for drugs, kid.

Well, not really, since we found hundreds of dead bodies buried under your house. You're under arrest, boy.


The end.
>>
No. 95307 ID: 3879b9

Congratulate the police officer on his dick shaped nose.
>>
No. 95308 ID: 6164e0

>>95304
...Kill him?

Because you are a vampire, and one fucking cop is nothing?
>>
No. 95313 ID: 83a776

Become filled with hatred and a thirst for vengeance at the sight of this man's nose. Tear him apart with your bare hands, and feast! Feast upon the fresh blood of the former living!
>>
No. 95328 ID: 697b23

>>95308
>>95313
You guys must be thinking of a different type of vampire. This vampire sparkles in sunlight...
>>
No. 95346 ID: 5d5878

>>95328
>>95304
Then destroy his will to live with the depressing tale of your life!
>>
No. 95347 ID: 4b68b7

Fucking epic.

Best Quest = this.
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