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864006 No. 864006 ID: bfb318

Previous Threads/Wiki: http://tgchan.org/wiki/Frillsby_and_Gallsby
Quest may be NSFW at times. [Warnings: Gays, Smash Bros, Magic, Nudity, Dangeresque Situations]

Frillsby and Gallsby are still the only cops on the force, but that's currently fine, since the last few days have been peaceful in the small town of Dorb.
Expand all images
No. 864007 ID: bfb318
File 151756719393.png - (140.26KB , 800x800 , 331.png )

Chapter 6

>"They're here?"
"They're here."
>"That's a big box."
"A big box of magic cards."
>"You could make a lot of decks out of that many cards. Or one big deck."
"A deck isn't legal if it can't be shuffled without assistance, Gallsby."
>"Well that's a problem 'cause I don't know if I can shuffle any deck without assistance."
"You'll find a way. Right now, there's a more immediate problem."
>"Yeh you sure look unhappy for someone getting a giant box of thousands and thousands of cards. Especially since you've been talking about how hype you are for building decks!"
"That's just it. This entire box of cards is...."

"It's un...."
No. 864008 ID: bfb318
File 151756720420.png - (100.38KB , 800x800 , 332.png )

"It's completely unsorted..."

Along with suggestions for both/either character, please select a point of view between either Frillsby or Gallsby.
No. 864009 ID: 1a9fe2

Frillsby: I think you might need some stress relief while dealing with this. Remember, colour, cmc, then collector number.

Gallsby: At risk of damaging cards, how about some hellacious theorycrafting. And also helping frillsby from a morale standpoint.
No. 864013 ID: 10c408

Sorting these is gonna take a really long time, put on some music. Maybe smooth jazz if you've got any?

Also, let's see gallsby perspective while frillsby does the sorting.
No. 864021 ID: 159378

Fastest way to sort large numbers of Magic cards:

1. Hold cards upside-down, so the expansion symbol is on the left. Holding this way lets you sort cards into different sets very very fast.

2. Once sorted by set, next you sort by color, then by collector's number.
No. 864036 ID: 3d2d5f

Can you guys even touch magic cards without turning them into boring non-magic cards?

>"A deck isn't legal if it can't be shuffled without assistance, Gallsby."
Giant monster hands probably help with that.

Quick, do you know anyone with magic sorting powers?
No. 864044 ID: 91ee5f

Frillsby: Complain out loud about how you wish it was against the law to send a giant box of Magic the Gathering cards unsorted, so that you can arrest whoever sent them unsorted!

Gallsby: Roll your eyes and tell Frillsby he’s overreacting and being childish. Then tell him to stop that because he’s supposed to be the serious one and being childish is your job!

Frillsby’s point of view.
No. 864048 ID: 6780f5

>Can you guys even touch magic cards without turning them into boring non-magic cards?
They'll be turned into Mundane: A Collection cards instead
No. 864053 ID: bb78f2

Do we have enough money to have a dude sort them for us?
Or is that half the fun?
No. 864063 ID: a363ac

Galssby suck dick for moral.
Frillsby get to sorting its gonna be a long day.
Gallsby perspective.
No. 864066 ID: fda98a

Oh yeah, this sounds good.
No. 864070 ID: b1b4f3

Ask around town for someone with magic sorting/organizing powers.
No. 864075 ID: be0b68

frillsby point of view
No. 864077 ID: 3d2d5f

Frillsby PoV

I think we're better being the straight man setting up / reacting to our partner than vice versa.
No. 864079 ID: de6d84

Frillsby PoV
Toss them around maybe they'll magically sort themselves
No. 864090 ID: 2d1231


Frillsby: time to get sorting. Mana colors, Types, or series; what's your favorite method?
No. 864095 ID: c88e6d

Gallsby to frantically try not to destroy cards with your monster hands.
No. 864111 ID: f09158

Can we follow the mayor instead?
No. 864115 ID: d80b7f

Frillsby: don't sort by full series, for goodness' sake, that's not going to actually accomplish much unless you're using a giant guide of every card printed. And if you are, wowza, what a weird choice. Divide by mana color, then subdivide in there by type. If you spot that you've actually got a lot from a certain archetype, subdivide those, but that's the sort of thing that can wait for sorting round 2.

Gallsby: take stock of the cards as they get sorted and start coming up with deck ideas if you spot any particularly fun ones. Maybe something using an alternate win condition? Also, provide snacks/drinks, but nothing that would get too much grease on the fingers. Save the blowjobs for when it seems like he's gonna lose it, they'll be more relaxing for him.

Frillsby perspective.
No. 864141 ID: 76c705

Yeah sounds good, be the straight gay man. Try to find some chumps to sort this for you like that goat.
No. 864258 ID: bfb318
File 151767264639.png - (131.14KB , 800x800 , 333.png )

I get to it, sorting by flipping the cards upsidedown to divide them by set, then by color and type. Gallsby looks at me weird. As soon as his claws start getting anywhere close to a card, I distract him.

"It should be against the law to send unsorted magic cards."
>"That's overreacting and wasn't it your dad who sent them?"
"And he's probably the one that got them all jumbled! Go start looking up what decks to make. And theorycrafting I guess."
>"Mannnn that sounds like homework, I want to help sort."
"Sorting is the most boring of all of it!"
>"It's therapeutic Frillsby! I'd rather suck dick to boost morale!"
"You can't suck dick all day!"
>"That s- "
"It's not a challenge."

Gallsby makes jazz hands while he goes over to the computer, where I hear his claws clacking on the keyboard. I sort cards, and it only takes a few minutes for him to come back and start reading cards I leave around. Then he gets bored and goes back to the computer, and lasts long enough there that I think he got sold on theorycrafting. That, or he's just looking up dumb videos and not doing magic at all. He did put on some smooth jazz, at least.

>You're anti-magic
Thankfully my magic only works on magic, not fake-magic that just has the word 'magic' written on it.
No. 864259 ID: bfb318
File 151767267459.png - (153.86KB , 800x800 , 334.png )


11 AM. There's too many. Too many magic cards exist. I made a giant pile of organized cards, but the unsorted pile looks the same.

Maybe I should get some help. I can invite them for drafting and magic partying. Then once I invite them over, I sucker punch them with helping sort my cards.

I just have to think of who, if I decide I want help.
No. 864262 ID: a363ac

goat boi, mayor, and khivet they all have hands that can help.
No. 864263 ID: 86eb65

Mayor, Mayor sister, Yams, T-shirt guy, Kiva.
No. 864264 ID: 86eb65

Oh yeah and goat boy.
No. 864265 ID: a363ac

mayors sister too
No. 864267 ID: 76c705

Mayor, Mayor's Sister, and Goat boy. It's the perfect combination.
No. 864271 ID: 0d45a9

Maybe make it into a bit of a contest? Players draft their deck from the giant pile of cards, and when they lose they have to sort it into those piles? Repeat until sorted and then do deck building or something?

Does that box have spaces to put the cards in? You probably should sort into those just so the stacks you currently have can't be knocked over.
No. 864272 ID: 3abd97

All of these.

Frillsby are you sure it was your dad's fault and you weren't a terrible kid who never sorted his cards?
No. 864302 ID: b1b4f3

Yams can help!
No. 864306 ID: edf392

>smooth jazz

Well we already know that Goat and Yams are to polite to say no so start with them. Not sure about the others though?
What about Randy?
No. 864308 ID: bb78f2

Yeah but you're stressed out, dominate Gallsby hard for a bit then invite people over to help you sort and play magic/ watch you dom Gallsby some more... unless Karma guy is near enough to affect then no dominating today.
No. 864336 ID: daa216

Invite the mayor? They're normally bored.
No. 864379 ID: 15a025

Invite Villi and Yams over
No. 864429 ID: 253838

Invite everybody over and somehow make it a strip game so everyone is motivated to do it faster. No matter what happens, everybody wins!
No. 864508 ID: bfb318
File 151777136837.png - (106.86KB , 800x800 , 335.png )

>Are you sure it was your dad's fault and you weren't a terrible kid who never sorted his cards?
I remember sorting them efficiently and... uh... in their own way?

That's starting to sound pretty bad, so I stop thinking about it.

>Status on karma man
Darrin ended up settling in a house to the west of town, outside of karma range. It's an abandoned home that needs some work on it, but he seemed happy to get a home in a town that was willing to deal with the issue at all, and had no problem with the idea of fixing it up.

I call Yams.

"Hi, Frillsby!"
"Hey Yams. I just got a shipment of magic cards. Want to do some deck building?"
>"Maybe after then we can do some some dick buildi-"
"Gallsby I'm on the phone!"
>"Well duh I didn't think you'd forget I wasn't Yams!"
"Ummm I'd love to do whatever! Uh, what about..."
"Khivat is invited, too."
"Good! Hey, Khivat, want to play some magic cards?"
"It's no smash, but my hands could use a break. Why not?"
"Great! Okay, Frillsby, we'll be over soon!"
No. 864510 ID: bfb318
File 151777146414.png - (164.09KB , 800x800 , 336.png )

I ask the same to Villi.

>"Oh sure! I love cards, and haven't messed with them in ages! Um, I do have to watch the bakery, though, so I can't just come over whenever like that. If you want to do it at my bakery, though, you're welcome to!"
"Thanks, we'll keep it in mind."

Then Ante.
>"If it ain't shirts, it ain't worth!"

Then Randy.
>"I am sorry, Frillsby, but I have lost my interest in such games long ago. However, don't let that stop you from stopping here. You are welcome to use my location to play such games with your friends, so long as everyone's behavior remains fitting."
"We'll keep that in mind, thanks."
No. 864514 ID: bfb318
File 151777154347.png - (135.77KB , 800x800 , 337.png )

I also call Mayor. On the 6th ring, she answers.

"Hello, Mayor. Frillsby here."
"Gallsby and I are playing magic. The card game, that is. Want to join us?"
>"How many people know you're playing magic?"
"So far I've contacted Yam-"
>"Too many. My sister's going to find out."
"That's fine considering I was thinking of inviting her, too."
>"No, not fine. She's a card game demon."
"Please explain."
>"She used to be a pro at card games."
"Maybe she can give us some pointers?"
>"Maybe she can flip the table when you only rotate your card thirty two degrees to tap it. She is the sweetest person until competition is involved, including but not limited to card games, sibling rivalry, and corporate environments. That's going to be the side of her you know if she catches wind you're playing magic. If you like the idea of that, I'll give you her number."
No. 864516 ID: 2efe4b

Yes, we like that. Give us her number.

... So is that definitely a no from yourself, Mayor? I assume so but I hope not!
No. 864522 ID: a363ac

send her we will fix her at the goat bakery.
No. 864528 ID: 3abd97

I mean if she's going to find out anyways you might as well give us her number so get points for being nice enough to invite her.

>Um, I do have to watch the bakery, though, so I can't just come over whenever like that. If you want to do it at my bakery, though, you're welcome to!
Sounds like the bakery is about to become card sorting central.
No. 864532 ID: 91ee5f

Does the bakery even have tables for everyone to sit at?

I kinda remember the bakery being pretty small and not having very many tables and chairs.

>Mayor’s sister
Uh oh, it sounds like if you invite her, prepare for her to tell you you’re sorting your cards incorrectly, building your deck incorrectly, touching your cards incorrectly, etc.

And if she’s anything like Mayor says she is, then prepare for all the other people you invited to get up and leave because they don’t want to deal with that kinda bullshit.

But if she does start to get rowdy or flipping tables, ask Mayor if we’re allowed to arrest her sister for disturbing the peace?
No. 864534 ID: b1b4f3

You can mitigate this by only ever playing at Randy's, which means she has to behave.
No. 864587 ID: 1a9fe2

Just have Mayor come along, to either help keep her sister in check, or to help everyone else dodge the things that set her off
No. 864711 ID: bfb318
File 151783535315.png - (139.26KB , 800x800 , 338.png )

"I think I like the idea of it well enough. But if she does get rowdy, can we arrest her for disturbing the peace?"
>"Yes. Maybe just arrest her anyway."

>"I'm joking."

>"Sort of."

>"I don't think she'll be that bad."
"Could you be around to keep her in line?"
>"I could do that, so I'll come by and play card games. Or sleep on the couch. Either or."
"I'm thinking Villi's place, although it only had so many tables."
>"You know, my sister used to own a card shop here."
"What, where?"
>"North part of main street, along with the other handful of abandoned buildings up there. It won't take much convincing to get her to get that place up and running again, if you want."

I hear Mayor mutter under her breath as she texts me her sister's number.

>"And then sister won't have as much room to complain when she runs the risk of driving people out of her store."
No. 864730 ID: a363ac

goat's though. no need to go to an entirely new location and you can support your local Goat boi's business.
No. 864853 ID: 3abd97

Unless the place is right next door to the bakery that would keep the cute goat out of things which is a high price to pay.
No. 865001 ID: daa216

For now set up at the goat's place. Maybe move to the empty store if we need to. I'm sure we'll be able to drag him along if the people there are eating his stock.
No. 865513 ID: bfb318
File 151802776495.png - (208.71KB , 1200x800 , 339.png )

"In the interest of keeping Villi around, we're going to use the bakery."
>"You know what, I'd prefer that, too. You know what else? Keep her number for future reference, but I'll invite and bring my sister over myself. We'll be over there this evening."
"Sounds like a plan."
>"Then it's a plan."

I hang up, and start packing up.

"Come on Gallsby, help me pack u..."

He gives me jazz hands.

"Stand around and silently judge me while I pack things up to move this party to Villi's."
No. 865514 ID: bfb318
File 151802778963.png - (123.88KB , 800x800 , 340.png )

We arrive at Villi's.

>"Hey Villi how's customers?" Gallsby asks. There's no one else here yet.
"Hey!" Villi bounces once when we come in. "Glad you came here! Customers are customering. It's just after the lunch rush, so all the regulars already came and went. That's a lotta cards."
"A lotta unsorted cards. We have to sort them."
>"Frillsby totally didn't mention that on purpose."
"Haha it's probably for the best because, uh, speaking of things not mentioned... I used to mess around with other card games, but I've never played magic. How would you compare magic cards to, say, pokemon cards?"
No. 865521 ID: c31aac

Like an algebra nerd next to a calculus nerd
No. 865526 ID: 86eb65

Similar stuff. Just different rulsets.

Its easy to pick up but hard to master.
No. 865533 ID: 2d1231


He totally meant to say YuGiOh. I can feel it from here.
No. 865536 ID: 3abd97

>How would you compare magic cards to, say, pokemon cards?
The basic rules are a little more obtuse for a basic player than Pokemon or Yugioh. The game's cooler, though.

Instead of all the energy cards pokemon has, magic has land cards, which generate mana. Power plants instead of power, sorta.
No. 865571 ID: c88e6d

Same sort of game.
No. 865655 ID: cdb7be

Oh my god this quest still exists after all these years, I'm so happy xD God damn though the 'karma' thing got annoying... Anyway I haven't played Magic so I wouldn't be able to help in that regard, but I know Pokémon and Yugioh are fun. (Also the bloody mayor is going from not running the town all day by sleeping to not running the town by playing a card game? xD)
No. 865714 ID: 56de11

Pretty much exactly the same except the loser GETS SET ON FIRE!
No. 865832 ID: bfb318
File 151810852612.png - (124.54KB , 800x800 , 341.png )

"Like an algebra nerd next to a calculus nerd?"
"Is... magic the algebra?"
"No. But don't worry, it's easy to pick up, and the basic rules are more or less the same."
>"Not for me." says Gallsby. "Did you mean to say YuGiOh?"
"I played some of that, too! I was mostly into pokemon though."
>"Haha who actually played pokemon?"
"I did! My friends really liked playing with me. I wasn't very good at it though. A lost a lot of cards to them! Oh right! Since we're using your cards, we're not playing for keeps, are we?"
"Who would play for keeps?"
"U-uh, in pokemon... it was a rule that if you KO a pokemon, you get their card!... Right?"
".... Villi. Villi that's not a rule. That was never a rule."
"But my friends..."

"... Ohhh.... ohh noooo...."
>"So how bout that maaaagic?!" Gallsby yells.
"L-let's do that. In honor of my shiny charizard... is there a penalty for losing though?"
>"Loser gets set on fire."

I'm not going to grace that with a response. Neither does Villi, although it looks like he just doesn't know how to respond. I think he's lost in thought over all the pokemon he's lost.
No. 865833 ID: bfb318
File 151810854484.png - (135.53KB , 800x800 , 342.png )

We show Villi some magic cards to show him the layout. Yams and Khivat show up shortly afterwards.

"H-hey Frillsby, Gallsby!" Yams says.
"Hello. The mayor and her sister are going to show up, but it won't be for hours, so let's get started beforehand."
>"Yaaams!" Gallsby starts. "You ready to be lit on fire?"
"I'd prefer not if possible!"
"I'm the only one that can do that." says Khivat.

In terms of speed of sorting, we have a few options.

Fastest - We sit down and sort, and that's it.
Medium - We grab whatever cards we want to build a deck, and loser has to sort the cards into appropriate piles.
Slowest - We draft. Instead of some kind of free-for-all to grab whatever cards we want as fast as we can, we arrange a large number of cards randomly into small piles. Each person takes a random pile, takes one card out of it, and passes the pile to the person on their left. Repeat until the piles are all taken, then repeat 3 or so times depending. Or some other method that involves being less chaotic and more thoughtful, at the expense of taking a longer time.
No. 865835 ID: a363ac

medium. new rule Villi doesn't sort because he is providing the food and drink and in honor of his shiny charizard T_T
No. 865857 ID: 0d45a9

Slowest, because draft. Plus it'd even out the skill differences a bit, what with it depending on the cards in each mini pile.
No. 865876 ID: cdb7be


Is this going to be a game of Magic with GUNS, CARS and EXPLOSIONS? Or just like, you know, a regular game of Magic? Do the wizards have magic guns and cars? Regardless, medium sounds like a good way to go.
No. 865953 ID: f6785d

No. 865982 ID: daa216

Slowest. Also we might want to make sure that Khivat has a shirt or at least pants before the Mayor shows.
No. 865988 ID: 3abd97

No. 865991 ID: b1b4f3

Slowest because it's probably going to be the most fun for everyone and you don't really need to rush if this is going to be a regular thing.
No. 865992 ID: de6d84

No. 865993 ID: 91ee5f

No. 866006 ID: 2efe4b

Medium, I say. Villi can be exempt from losing because he's host and because he's suffered enough.
No. 866016 ID: c88e6d

Medium seems fun.
No. 866021 ID: 1561e1

Medium and Villi is exempt. Also gallsby is exempt.
No. 866139 ID: bfb318
File 151820027260.png - (153.39KB , 800x800 , 343.png )

Villi brings out a basket of hot bread for us.

"Alright, here's what I think will be best. Instead of spending hours drafting, we'll all build decks out of this pile of unsorted cards. A deck is at least 60 cards. Loser in a best of 3 has to sort their cards in the sorted pile, and you can't hold onto unsorted cards if it's not in your deck. Except Villi. In honor of him hosting and his lost charizard, if he loses, he can keep playing with his losing deck if he wants."
"I really don't mind sorting! I think I'd like to." Villi says.
"Well okay then."
"Is that a problem, Khivat?"
"No, I just realized that means that as we sort more and more cards, that'll leave the worst cards in the pile. Games will get played with worse and worse cards. Mind you that I don't have a problem with that."
"Alright. You talking reminds me that maybe you should wear a shirt. The mayor is stopping by."
"Is it a formal occasion occasion?"
"It's a presentable occasion!"
"Fine, business fuckers."

Yams also apparently packs a shirt for whenever Khivat wants to wear one. It's oversized, but that means she can get away with not wearing pants, I guess.
No. 866140 ID: bfb318
File 151820030521.png - (103.14KB , 800x800 , 344.png )

With Gallsby exempt from sorting due to card clawing, it's just me, Yams, and Khivat. Gallsby claims he's happy to just look over other people's cards to see what's going on instead of actively playing, at least until he finds a way to get around the issue. He disagrees with trimming his claws to non-sharp levels.

I've got to decide on my kind of deck. I could do a casual aggressive deck, just for the sake of ease of play. On the other hand, if I do a tryhard control deck. The cards I'm finding for the latter are good and rude, so I'd probably win, and I am pretty sick of sorting cards.
No. 866143 ID: a363ac

call Ante have him deliver Gallsby soft t-shirt fingers
No. 866148 ID: b1b4f3

Gallsby just play with your feet.
Go with the casual shit.
No. 866151 ID: c88e6d

Go tryhard. It'll be hilarious when they get fed up with you and start burning all your lands.
No. 866159 ID: 3d2d5f

Do a weird gimmicky deck.
No. 866166 ID: f6785d

Go casual aggressive deck. Let's see what can we do with out going all out.
No. 866167 ID: 6780f5

Yes. Weird gimmicks that are mostly silly, and in exceptionally rare occasions ridiculously broken.
No. 866175 ID: 5737b7

No. 866246 ID: 3abd97

Have pity on the goat, Khivat, don't make him enforce the no shirts no shoes no service rule.

>He disagrees with trimming his claws to non-sharp levels.
He just needs to use tools to hold cards. Get him some salad tongs or something.
No. 866249 ID: b1b4f3

Or some corks to stick on the ends of his claws.
No. 866467 ID: 15a025

Put together a casual aggressive deck. It'll give everyone a little bit better of a chance against you.
No. 866582 ID: bfb318
File 151837346842.png - (151.23KB , 800x800 , 345.png )

>Casual aggressive
I go squirrels, with a little bit of filler cards to get the right amount of cards.

Things that make squirrels, and things that make more squirrels. Then things that make all squirrels stronger based on how many squirrels exist. I don't have all the cards to make a truly broken deck here, but it is gimmicky, and has a chance of comboing into a ridiculous assortment of cards.

Villi sorts his deck out first, so he and I will play. Yams and Khivat are taking some time conspiring together to help each other make their decks, so they'll fight each other first.

Villi, meanwhile, gives Gallsby a couple of corks and a pair of rubber coated tongs to use so that he might be able to do anything.
No. 866584 ID: bfb318
File 151837357577.png - (136.75KB , 800x800 , 346.png )

Game 1 involves me playing squirrels. We make some trades, and it's more or less an even game for several turns. Villi does pick it up quickly, and despite some minor misplays, doesn't do anything overly self destructive.

I slowly accumulate enough squirrels to have 9 small squirrels and one big squirrel against a few of his creatures.

"I play beastmaster ascension." I pause to make sure it resolves, and he reads the card. "Then I attack with everything. Since I have more than 7 attackers, I get 7 counters on ascension, which triggers it so that all my creatures now have +5/+5 each."
"Er - don't they do damage first, then get the +5?"
"No, I declare them as attackers, then they get the +5's, then they deal damage."
>"Buuuuullshiiiit!" says Gallsby, who looks it up on his phone. "Oh wait no that's totally right I guess."
"How much health do I have again?" asks Villi.
"And you have.. 9 things with 6 power each... ohh... oh I seeeee..."

Game 2 goes better for Villi as he manages to get a spider that can block a creature for each one of its legs, and also gives it indestructible. With that, he can block 8 of my things for free. I don't have an answer to that, and lose to a few turns of not being able to block his flying creatures that just deal damage over my squirrels.

We move onto Game 3.

In a few turns I draw one of my two Earthcrafts. It's a card that is banned in most formats, as it does things like combines with my Squirrel Nest to make infinite squirrels. This gives me options.

Ignore combo. Don't bully the goat.
Send infinite squirrels. It'll be a shame to end up losing and having to do away with this deck, when Khivat is looking more and more smug over there as she seems to be wiping the floor with Yams.
No. 866585 ID: 7fad5d

Do iiiiiiit. You can make it up to him and combos are fun to use.
No. 866587 ID: f6785d

This is what you been waiting for, DO IT.
No. 866588 ID: b1b4f3

DO IT. Teach him the true meaning of Magic.
No. 866590 ID: 2d1231


Make a hasty bet:

Loser of this round has to SCRUB SOME DISHES. There's no way this could possibly backfire and we get some muzzle-hugs from the cute goat.
No. 866591 ID: a363ac

squirrel that boi.
No. 866592 ID: 2efe4b

Send infinite squirrels, but you have to do a hammy yugioh declaration of how your combo works.

You have a losers' bracket in this little tournament, right?
No. 866593 ID: 0d45a9

Send in the arbitrary number of squirrels. Besides, he might have some removal or a board clear.
No. 866594 ID: 6780f5

You cup overfloweth with squirrels. You should share some.
No. 866603 ID: a81b0d

Attack with something else, wait until he's close to death, then finish him off with the combo so he can see its power without being one-shotted by it.
No. 866615 ID: 3abd97

Unleash the fluffy flood.
No. 866619 ID: a633c6

You know he's got a card that'll hit you with some instant karma in there.
No. 866626 ID: c88e6d

Unleash the infinite squirrel generator.
No. 866640 ID: 76c705

Make a wager then bully goat.
No. 866665 ID: 1a9fe2

Time for wagers, because either you bully the goat with squirrels and then get some shenanigans, or the goat turns it around and he gets to feel like the best at magic, which is always good for new players.
No. 866790 ID: 1561e1

He said he was fine with sorting so just give him a headruffle afterwards. How often do you get th create INFINITE SQUIRRELS?
No. 866844 ID: 10c408

No. 866877 ID: da1652

show him the wonder on a limited scale. He's probably smart enough to see the potential.
No. 866914 ID: bfb318
File 151845929903.png - (104.95KB , 800x800 , 347.png )

"Want to make a bet?"
"What would we bet on?"
"Who's winning this game."
"Uhhhhhh I'm suddenly a lot less confident in this game. Are these those mind games I've been hearing about?"
>"Don't be a coward, Villi!" says Gallsby.
"O-okay, what does the winner win?"
"The loser has to scrub some dishes."
"Oh okay! Well I'm sure I'm going to lose now, but I accept.
"Alright then. Then I play Earthcraft, which sits as an enchantment on the board. This allows me tap an untapped creature I control in order to tap my basic land. I tap my squirrel, allowing me to untap this forest, which you'll see is a basic land that's been enchanted with Squirrel Nest. I then tap this forest with Squirrel Nest's given ability, generating a green 1/1 squirrel. Although it has summoning sickness, it is untapped, which allows it to be tapped to activate Earthcraft's ability again. Which I do, to untap my forest."
"Which I tap this forest, again, for another 1/1 squirrel. I take this new squirrel and tap it in order to untap my forest yet again."
"C-can you do this?"
>"It's bullshit!" says Gallsby. "But it's legal bullshit."
"I repeat this action 6 million times. I now have 6 million and 9 squirrels, 6 million of which are tapped. I don't have anything that lets me untap them and give them haste, so I pass turn." It's actually not legal to make infinite squirrels, come to think of it. I have to specify a number.
>"Frillsby!" says Gallsby. "Try not to sound too much like you're auditioning to play the villain in a card game cartoon!"
"Is it... my turn, now?"

... the game went on for awhile, so I have more mana to burn. 5 mana, which means... I can play coat of arms if I wanted to, which will give all my creatures +1/+1 for each other creature that shares its own type. Since they're all squirrels, that will give them 6 million and 8 additional damage and toughness each.

So if I really wanted to bully the goat...
No. 866916 ID: a363ac

bully that goat.
No. 866917 ID: 13fded

Embrace villainy! Use a towel as a cape and deliver the most dramatic speech you can think of about been the evil lords of squirrels.
No. 866918 ID: 2efe4b

Bully goat and act surprised at your comeuppance when he uses some card that turns a squirrel against you. Be sure to continue the card game cartoon villain act appropriately.
No. 866920 ID: 86eb65

If he is playing red maybe reconsider.

If not go for it. Even if he counters you its still fun.
No. 866927 ID: c88e6d

Unleash all of your bullshit moves.

...That way when you lose it'll be funnier when you end up sucking his dick under the table.
No. 866928 ID: b1b4f3

Hubris is the undoing of many a villain. Do it.
If he wins by turning your power against you, then it will teach him that he can counter most anything with the right cards. A valuable lesson.
No. 866980 ID: cdb7be


So this is basically like a directed nuke? But where it's possible to have something deflect it (/back towards you?)
No. 866985 ID: 499d93

Become the villain of a children’s card game! Make sure to use your evil voice and narrate everything you do and what all your cards do.
No. 866992 ID: bb78f2

No. 867066 ID: ceab96

You have already won, making it more silly will only improve everything! Go big.
No. 867209 ID: bfb318
File 151856859102.png - (127.81KB , 800x800 , 348.png )

He's playing blue and white, but it seems to focus on flying creatures more than control.

I'll ham it up a bit.

"I tap the rest of my mana, which allows me to play Coat of Arms. Every squirrel I have now gets 1 power and toughness for each other squirrel, meaning they have 6 million and 9 power and toughness each. I swing in with my 8 untapped squirrels for... 42 million and 72 damage, I think it'll be."
"Ummmm.... I tap this for one green mana." Villi says. I don't know why he wants green mana, unless - "I play fog."
"... fog."
"Y-yeah, it prevents all combat damage this turn!"
"... Villi that card isn't even very good."

He looks at the board.

"I disagree?"
"You're not even playing green, Villi!"
"It's a really good card, and I have multi-mana sources!"
"That.... nevermind. I pass turn."

Well, I did tap everything, but I still have a lot of health. This just delays a turn.

Villi draws a basic plains land, which I know since he plays it immediately. Then he gawks at the few cards he has in hand, struggling to get an answer. He could swing in for around 8 damage with a few fliers, but he's a far cry from lethal without playing any sudden bombs.

"C-can I see your coat of arms?"

I pass it. He reads it carefully.

"Um... I play Wings of Velis Vel. I put it on my Horizon Scholar. This should work?"

He puts it down. What the heck is a 'tribal instant?' I don't even remember this card, but there it is.

Until end of turn, target creature - the scholar - has base power/toughness of 4/4... gains all creature types... gains flying, but it's already a flyer.

Wait a second, all creature types? That includes squirrel. I look at coat of arms again. Its effects are for all creatures on the battlefield? That means it's not just my squirrels giving each other +1/1.
No. 867210 ID: bfb318
File 151856859768.png - (76.42KB , 800x800 , 349.png )

Each one of my squirrels are giving his flyer +1/1. Specifically because of the card I played.

"I swing in for 6 million and... 13, I think." says Villi.

I look at my cards. Even if I didn't tap out all my creatures, I have nothing to block flying. I have no mana left anyway. My options...

A) Concede
B) Bluff him into not attacking
No. 867213 ID: 86eb65

This is the best way it could have gone down.

Just start slowly sliding under the table so you can scrub some dishes.
No. 867214 ID: a363ac

let the goat win A
No. 867215 ID: b1b4f3

A. Cmon you knew this could happen. You're teaching him how to be a good Magic player! And sucking his dick too.
No. 867217 ID: 3abd97

You have to appropriately playact taking 6 million and 13 damage, of course.
No. 867219 ID: 0d45a9

A. Honestly, for someone who's unfamiliar with magic that's a pretty damn clever play.
No. 867220 ID: 2efe4b

>act surprised at your comeuppance
>Be sure to continue the card game cartoon villain act appropriately.
No. 867221 ID: 8a55a9

Quietly wimper, 'my hubrisss!'
No. 867231 ID: 91ee5f


Become the villain in a card game cartoon at the moment he realizes the hero has played the exact card needed to beat you.
No. 867237 ID: da1652

concede. he had "friends" screwing him over in cards for most of his childhood.

Just realize that he might not have caught your innuendo earlier and expects you to help him clean the bakery's dishes.
No. 867249 ID: 2d1231


Looks like we're scrubbing some dishes after all ...
No. 867262 ID: f95210

You have abused the power of Squirrels. It is time to admit defeat.
No. 867281 ID: 1a9fe2

Your goat bullying brought this fate upon you, time to admit defeat! Plus, he already declared attacks, you deeeaaad, boi
No. 867293 ID: c88e6d

A. You lose. Now suck his dick.
No. 867319 ID: f6785d

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH get dunked on!
No. 867335 ID: 689e8d

Be gratuitous in defeat, congratulate goat non sarcastically. For one who has never played he fucking good maybe he should've played this instead of pokemon.
No. 867361 ID: 6780f5

"Niiiiiiiiiiiiiice!" Now go scrub some dishes.
No. 867371 ID: 10c408

A, you lost fair and square. Own it, make it your own and ham it.
No. 867373 ID: 499d93

Alright get out the dishes so i can get scrubbin’
No. 867559 ID: ceab96

"It's bullshit! But it's legal bullshit." He won fair and square.
No. 868239 ID: bfb318
File 151890571093.png - (153.00KB , 800x800 , 350.png )

"Ahhhhh.......... I take 6 million and 13 damage right in my hubris."
"Get ready to get fucked, goat!" says Khivat, who's still working on Yams.
"I have dishes to scrub, right now."
"Oh, yeah, here..." Villi guides me up and starts guiding me to the back room. I guess it might be bad for business if Villi has his dick sucked in plain view where people on the street can see. Or good for business? I don't know, but it's his call.
No. 868240 ID: bfb318
File 151890573085.png - (97.37KB , 800x800 , 351.png )

"There's a lot of dishes, you don't have to do all of them if you don't want!"

Somehow I'm not surprised that he's completely forgotten the innuendo behind scrubbing dishes.
No. 868241 ID: a363ac

"take off your pants Villi."
No. 868242 ID: c88e6d

Just suck his dick.
No. 868244 ID: 90f3c0

Scrub some dishes, then scrub some dishes.
No. 868245 ID: 92dd1f

wash the dishes
No. 868246 ID: 0d45a9

You know scrub some dishes was innuendo, right? Actual dishes are fine if you don't want to though.
No. 868247 ID: cc06b4

Judging by that blush I think he damn well remembers but I also thing he would prefer having you help him clean up.
Maybe do both if you're up for it?
No. 868248 ID: 3740b1

Pull out goat dick and get scrubbing.
No. 868251 ID: 91ee5f

>Somehow I'm not surprised that he's completely forgotten the innuendo behind scrubbing dishes.
Not according to that blush on his face! He knows exactly what you were talking about earlier!

He probably would just prefer you scrub some actual dishes instead because he’s not in the mood to do the dish scrubbing you were talking about.

Might as well help him out and start cleaning those dishes. And then next time the loser has to “scrub dishes”, there will be only 1 meaning to the phrase!
No. 868252 ID: 2efe4b

"Villi, why do you think I would have made a bet with you to do something you would have had to do anyway for your job? What gain do you think I could have been aiming to make for myself. Please consider what I might have been thinking when I made that bet."

"I mean I lost so it's up to you but I would like you to be fully aware of all the options."
No. 868254 ID: 1a9fe2

Nope, that'll take way too long, and there's magic to get back to! Time for some under-the-apron shenanigans
No. 868260 ID: 499d93

Y-you know that i meant i’d suck your dick right? Or is this some fantasy of yours where you do me while i do dishes?
No. 868262 ID: a81b0d

Don't go too fast! Just cup his pants and say all you want to scrub is right there.
No. 868270 ID: b1b4f3

He's probably hedging his bets. Ask him if he'd prefer dish washing instead of dick sucking. There *are* an awful lot of dishes here.
No. 868278 ID: 10e2b3

Impress him by sucking his dick while washing dishes. Hard to coordinate, but possibly doable. Just grab some basins and wash the dishes on the ground by reaching around him or between his legs. That, or kneel on the counter and suck his dick while reaching to the side to wash those dishes.
No. 868303 ID: 15a025

Scrub his dishes while you scrub his dish.
No. 868344 ID: a81b0d

This sounds like a recipe for disaster.
No. 868352 ID: 76c705

This sounds good, this way you know what the goat really wants.
No. 868367 ID: 2d1231


Point right at his goaty junk like, "I meant that I've got to scrub that dish" while giving him the bedroom eyes.
No. 868375 ID: bb78f2

You sure you don't want me to wear a collar and leash while doing this?
No. 868974 ID: bfb318
File 151916189016.png - (102.56KB , 800x800 , 352.png )

I give him the look. The look of half disbelief, half getting him to think about the current situation.

His eyes light up.

"Ohhh. Thaaat kind of dish."
"Yes. So unless you had some kind of fantasy about scrubbing dishes while scrubbing dishes..."
"That's - uh, not a fantasy - but that's a good idea!"
No. 868975 ID: bfb318
File 151916189702.png - (170.47KB , 800x800 , 353.png )

I pull his pants down. He scrubs his literal dishes while I scrub his figurative dish.

We can't spend too long though - there's cards to sort.
No. 868976 ID: bfb318
File 151916194461.png - (152.50KB , 800x800 , 354.png )

Once we're washed up and get back, Khivat is waiting and Yams is about to start sorting. Gallsby is making his own deck.

"There you are, Villi! Are you ready?" asks Khivat.

>"Pssst." Gallsby whispers to me. "I saw both Villi's deck and Khivat, and Khivat's deck is deffo gonna win. I'm making a deck to counter hers. You wanna pilot it?"
No. 868978 ID: c88e6d

Naw, let's just make a new deck.
No. 869056 ID: f6785d

What a good loser you are Frillsby! Taking it like a champ!
Let's make a new deck. But let's make it REALLY tryhard this time.
No. 869062 ID: 3abd97

Anything we can do to give the goat an edge?
No. 869071 ID: b1b4f3

Gallsby wants to play by proxy! Don't let your buddy down.
No. 869103 ID: a363ac

play for Gallsby.
No. 869295 ID: bfb318
File 151925082249.png - (152.66KB , 800x800 , 355.png )

>Anything we can do to give the goat an edge?
Ehhh. Even in a casual format like this, we shouldn't be coaching Villi mid-game.

"I'm split, Gallsby. My conscience is split right in half about piloting your deck."
>"Then how about I pilot this one, but I help you make a good, tryhard anti-Khivat deck?"
"Hm... alright. Maybe more on the tryhard than the anti-Khivat."

Khivat and Villi take a long time fighting. During this, I sleeve up Gallsby's deck while giving him basic ideas about what kind of deck I want my new one to be. I'm thinking aggro, as Khivat's deck seems to get going harder later on, and aside from that, aggro can be good just in general.

I look over at some point and see they're done.

"Alright, Gallsby, they're done. Good luck."
>"Don't need it! This deck is allll skillll."
No. 869296 ID: bfb318
File 151925084088.png - (190.26KB , 1000x800 , 356.png )

Khivat comes to sort.


"Wait a seco-"
"This game's some fuckin' bullshit Frillsby. I drew nothing but lands! I couldn't do anything!"

Which means Gallsby is over there fighting Villi with an anti-Khivat deck.

"Help me take out Villi."
"I think we're about past the daily limit of bullying the goat."
"He's moving the daily limit up! He's acting all smug about this, he's got to lose!"
"Really? Villi, smug?"
No. 869298 ID: bfb318
File 151925086197.png - (114.98KB , 800x800 , 357.png )

"Look at that fucking face and tell me that's not the smuggest goddamn face in town."
No. 869301 ID: 499d93

That’s not the smuggest goddamn face in town.
In fact, it almost looks like he’s genuinely having fun.
No. 869302 ID: a363ac

"Your right he needs to be stopped." proceed to let Villi win all ht games
No. 869311 ID: 2efe4b

I would say Gallsby is the smuggest face but that's not fair because he has resting smugface, though it's half mixed with resting sassface. I think there's a combination of those. Smarm? Smarmy is like a mix of smug and sassy, right? Smarmface.

Anyway Villi has some tragic cardgame memories he needs a good time to not turn him off card games forever. If you turn him off card games then the Heart of the Cards will lay down its curse and the topdecking gods shall forsake you.
No. 869315 ID: 2d1231


That's the face of a pokemon scrub learning to play a real nerd's game.

And loving every minute of it.

But mostly getting some dishes done.
No. 869319 ID: f6785d

That is the face of joy, and hope. I haven't seen a face like that in him since we met him. Gallsby probably has, but not me. SO pure, SO good, like his bread. We might never get a chance to see him so happy... i might be exagerating but still, i can't do it.
No. 869320 ID: 0d45a9

Nah, it just looks like he's having fun. Anyway, he'll likely lose when the Mayor and her Sister join in later, well, we'll all likely lose to the Mayor's Sister, but that's beside the point.
No. 869331 ID: 10c408

"I think you've gotten me confused with a member of the fun police."
No. 869342 ID: 3abd97

Huh Villi stayed awake during the brush scrubbing I guess he got some real sleep.

>Ehhh. Even in a casual format like this, we shouldn't be coaching Villi mid-game.
I was thinking more doing anything quick to his deck rather than coaching him, but okay.

He looks more joyously confused than smug.

And nah, we shouldn't stop him. We should build him up, so we have a secret goat weapon to use against the Mayor's sister when she shows up.
No. 869360 ID: c88e6d

So smug.
No. 869378 ID: 62e66c

no bully the billy
No. 869451 ID: b6c7da

That's less smug and more happy that hes found a hobby he's both good at and enjoys.
Do want to destroy that happiness?! YOU MONSTER!!!
No. 869518 ID: bfb318
File 151934103389.png - (139.58KB , 800x800 , 358.png )

"The smug one is Gallsby, and that's because he's got a resting smug face. What Villi has, there, is the face of having honest fun."
"It's terrible."
"Even if it was terrible, I'm not the fun police. I'm not destroying that happiness."
"Whatever, I'll fuck him up with my next deck. I just got an idea, and it'll have no problem with drawing enough lands."

I consider my own options, but I still overlook what Khivat's making. It's a mistake. She glares at me as I look, but the reason I've made a mistake is that the deck she's making is so disgusting, so repulsive, that I feel I need to wash my eyes out. That set of cards should never have been part of the pile.

Then again, I've found a lot of disgusting cards in here. I focus on less disgust and more just good aggro, but looking things over, I'm lacking confidence in this deck. It feels like there's a lot missing, even though there's good cards.

Good cards that Villi should have put into his own deck, honestly, even though he's unstoppable. That just gives me another idea. I can build up Villi to be our secret weapon against the Mayor's sister. We just have to make up a rule that if Villi beats everyone else once, he can modify his deck, and he can put these good creature cards into his deck.
No. 869522 ID: 3abd97

>it'll have no problem with drawing enough lands
No land gimmick deck? A deck so small you draw all your cards on the first time? An all land deck where the land doubles as monsters and spells?

>I'm lacking confidence in this deck. It feels like there's a lot missing
Then maybe you need to build a deck focused on something other than good aggro.

>I can build up Villi to be our secret weapon
Yes good
No. 869544 ID: b1b4f3

If the mayor's sister loses to what is essentially a novice, do you think it'll go down well?
Also should you guys really be using banned cards?
No. 869550 ID: d0bba6

Yes and yes, read the thread
No. 869913 ID: 15a025

Let's help Villi take on the Mayor's sister.
No. 869962 ID: de6d84

Secret weapon Villi plan is go!
No. 870182 ID: bfb318
File 151962264462.png - (169.80KB , 800x800 , 359.png )

>Should you guys really be using banned cards?
I doubt we'll be using them in the long term, but just for this sorting-draft format, it's fine to have this nonsense.

Nonsense like Khivat's non-land gimmick deck. By drawing something with a full hand, Khivat has to discard to hand size. By doing so, she sends a card to the graveyard that has abilities involving being in the graveyard.

>Is it fine if Mayor's sister loses to a novice?
If it isn't, I'm a cop. I don't think she'll take it that badly, though. She'll have a handicap anyway. By the time she comes to look at the sorting pile, most of the obscenely broken cards will already be taken.

I'm already running into that issue here. My aggro deck may not even be thaaaat bad, it's just being compared to the decks that had the full card list to choose from. Still, I'll help Villi build his deck.

"How's your game going, Gallsby?"
>"Not great!"
"If Villi wins against all of us, he should get a prize. Like filling his deck with better cards."
"W-wouldn't that make it so I get an even better deck?" asks Villi.
"Well you shouldn't be penalized for winning, I'll tell you that."

I put some good cards for Villi to the side and build a mid-game friendly deck.

Gallsby loses. Yams plays Villi next. They make casual gameplay mistakes understandable for people who are new to the game, so I watch over them to make sure they aren't making illegal board states.

They apologize for slight infractions more times than they attack with their creatures.
No. 870183 ID: bfb318
File 151962266070.png - (120.48KB , 800x800 , 360.png )

Yams puts up a fight, but between Villi having any amount of prior card experience, and just having a good deck, Yams is sent back to the sorting pile.

"You sure it's okay to get good cards? Won't I just keep on winning?" Villi says, as I show him his prize cards.
"If you're worried about that, the Mayor's sister is supposed to be good. She'll be here in awhile. Just consider yourself prepping for her."

There's a 'ding' at the door, and Villi's ears flap up to see what customer is here.
No. 870184 ID: bfb318
File 151962268316.png - (204.09KB , 800x800 , 361.png )

It's Mayor's sister.

>"Hey, I heard some dorks were getting into the best pastime!" She sounds, and looks, like she just ran a long distance in short time. "How you guys learning?"
No. 870185 ID: bfb318
File 151962270146.png - (203.87KB , 1000x800 , 362.png )

She looks over to Gallsby's and Khivat's game and makes a look of disgust.

>"Those unsorted cards?"
>"We're in the middle of a game!" says Gallsby.
>"Oh god that's a board state?"
>"Sister, the promise." says Mayor.
>"Yeah yeah. Still, 90 degrees, come on man."
>"I know what's tapped in my head!"
No. 870187 ID: bfb318
File 151962273740.png - (166.52KB , 800x800 , 363.png )

Mayor's sister looks like she's trying to find zen, with a struggle.

>"Villi, could you bring us some food? It doesn't matter what, sell whatever you'd like to sell." says the Mayor.
"Okay, then if you don't mind, I'd like to test out a new recipe."
>"That sounds excelle - "

Mayor looks over at the pile of unsorted cards.

>"Frillsby what is that giant pile of cards?"
"That's the unsorted pile."
No. 870188 ID: bfb318
File 151962274361.png - (129.12KB , 800x800 , 364.png )

>"C... can I go ahead and sort it?"
No. 870190 ID: b1b4f3

You want to? Yes, go ahead, by all means.
Gallsby rotate your cards. Ask Khivat for help if you have to.
No. 870196 ID: c88e6d

Yes, sure. We've honestly been fighting games against one another with cherry-picked cards and forcing the loser to help sort.
No. 870197 ID: 3abd97

Oh boy, I think the mayor is OCD or something and is gonna attack that pile.

Be out guest.

Cut him some slack, Mayor's sister, he has literal monster hands. We're lucky he can move the cards at all.
No. 870198 ID: c2051e

Ask if she has a name or if she's just "Mayor Sister" too. Actually, nevermind, don't ask, just assume she is despite any evidence to the contrary.
No. 870200 ID: 91ee5f

Wait, Mayor wants to sort the pile?! I thought her sister would’ve asked to sort it!
No. 870209 ID: 1a9fe2

There should probably be some introductions, we can't keep calling her "Mayor's sister". But also, yes Mayor can sort the cards, maybe sis can help her while crafting her Expert Deck.
No. 870239 ID: de6d84

Fine by me.
No. 870259 ID: 499d93

Are you kidding? This whole get together was actually a secret plot to get everybody else to help me sort my cards!
If you want to do it yourself then go ahead.
No. 870260 ID: 499d93

Oh and also, gallsby, rotate your cards. She’s looking at the card pile like it wronged her whole family and i’m worried she might start looking at you like that.
No. 870340 ID: bfb318
File 151968642548.png - (151.75KB , 800x800 , 365.png )

"This whole draft system we came up with was to sort cards. Be my guest." I tell Mayor, who may have some sort of OCD about this kind of thing. Her sister, starts looking at the card pile too while I fill her in on what we're doing, although I still see her occasionally shoot a glance over at Gallsby and his partially rotated cards.

"So, Mayor's sister - "
>"Haha I have a name you know, it's 'Seeoh'."
>"Yeah, it's spelled C-E-O. Ceo."
"Nice to meet you, Ceo." says Villi, passing out some experimental pastries and coffee, which both sisters take and chug. "I'm Villi."
>"Same. You must be Frillsby." Ceo says back to me.
"Yes, and that's Gallsby, Khivat, and Yams." I gesture to each one. "Gallsby's got the monster hands, so give him a break. It's a small miracle that he can even move the cards!"
>"I can do just fine with monster hands!" Gallsby calls out, again.
"... then rotate your cards!"

He starts spinning them in place.
No. 870341 ID: bfb318
File 151968643357.png - (126.18KB , 800x800 , 366.png )

Ceo turns her back to Gallsby to look at some cards.

>"Why're there banned cards in here, huh?" she asks.
"Casual format. Any card in the pile is okay, as this whole system was a ruse to get people to sort cards."
>"Don't let her use the good cards!" Gallsby calls out to us. "Handicap the expert!"
No. 870342 ID: 0d45a9

You got to use earthcraft for the infinite squirrels combo, it's only fair you let her use banned cards. (Plus I want to see what other crazy combos there are.)
No. 870346 ID: b1b4f3

Well you could switch over to something more legit to keep the playing field even, yeah.
No. 870356 ID: c88e6d

Give her One With Nothing.
No. 870361 ID: 499d93

Lets let her have at least one good deck, mostly to see what bullshit she can manage with the remaining cards.
Besides, luck is apparently more important than skill if villi was able to beat infinite squirrels.
No. 870368 ID: 91ee5f

So both sisters changed their names to the names of their occupation? Ask what Ceo she's the CEO of?

And ask if they changed their last names as well?

>"Don't let her use the good cards!" Gallsby calls out to us. "Handicap the expert!"
“She can handicap herself if she wants to, I’m not going to force a handicap on her!”
No. 870369 ID: 3abd97

>"Don't let her use the good cards!" Gallsby calls out to us. "Handicap the expert!"
Can't, that would require another expert to decide which cards were too good for experts.

Also I already said I'm not the fun police.
No. 870370 ID: 6780f5

One with Nothing, and Left Pineapple
No. 870531 ID: bfb318
File 151976690304.png - (192.58KB , 800x800 , 367.png )

"She doesn't have to take a handicap if she doesn't want to. Maybe she can make use of this card that not even Khivat wanted."

I hold it One With Nothing to Ceo. One mana cost to discard one's hand. One generally wants to do things, so one generally wants cards in hand, not a card that removes all other cards in hand.

>"Gonna serve that to me with nothing pizza left pineapple?"
"You heard about that, huh."
>"As long as I don't need to play that card as soon as it enters my hand, I'll see what I can do with this thing."
"Okay. By the way, what are you the CEO of?"
>"Violet Enterprises."

I do recognize the name, though can't place where I heard of it from. It may have just involved itself in some businesses around town.

>"That's our last name. Mayor Violet, Ceo Violet."

She looks like she's trying to focus on deck building, now, so I leave her to it.
No. 870532 ID: bfb318
File 151976691607.png - (133.29KB , 800x800 , 368.png )

I notice that Villi is off to the side, shakily pouring himself some coffee while looking at Ceo.
No. 870544 ID: 86eb65

Wander over and quietly question the goat. Did your blowjob negate enough of his donut fueled sleep magic and he is about to crash?

Or is he nervous about the CEO lady for reason?
No. 870548 ID: 3abd97

Goat just got his dishes scrubbed and he's still crushing that bad in just one look? Geeze.

You should probably go stop him pouring before he overfill the mug and dumps hot coffee all over himself.
No. 870550 ID: 91ee5f

You should probably stop him from pouring before the cup overflows and he burns his hand with hot coffee!
No. 870553 ID: 71ac81

Don't let the goat stare! Or pour hot coffee on his freshly scrubbed dish! Though it's not unwarranted, ladies might not be your type but she's a good one!
No. 870558 ID: 2efe4b

What's up, Villi?
No. 870616 ID: c88e6d

I think he's in love.
No. 870618 ID: f6785d

Go behind him and ask: "Liking what you see, goat boy?"
No. 870666 ID: 906811

Yes Villi it is a girl. With Boobs. Very nice Boobs. Butt no matter how nice the Boobs it is impolite to stare. No Gallsby that is not a challenge, invitation or something that needs to be changed.
No. 870685 ID: 2d1231


Gently nudge him and whisper, "Yeah, the resemblance is uncanny. Just remember -- the sleepy one is Mayor. You'll do fine and I'm sure Ceo won't try to stuff you into a locker or anything if you mix them up."

Because, you know ... let him admit it on his own.
No. 870718 ID: 3e59db


Suggest that if he likes what he sees so much, why not play with the rule of everytime damage is took, an article of clothing must be removed.

So basically strip poker, but with MTG.
No. 870734 ID: bfb318
File 151985404875.png - (139.43KB , 800x800 , 369.png )

I walk over to Villi. He barely notices me walk up, but at least he stops pouring coffee in time.

"Just got your dishes scrubbed and already looking elsewhere, huh?"
"Wh - er!"
"It's too early to start thinking of strip poker." I thought I said that quietly, but Ceo's ears perked just slightly. So did Gallsby's, for that matter.
"Oh hahaha I really did look like I was staring wasn't I but it wasn't on purpose I swear! I mean - I mean it's not like that! I mean she doesn't look bad but I'm just worried!" Says Villi, as Ceo's ears swivel over at us even while she's sifting through cards.
"I kinda get the impression there's a lot of pressure on me to beat her! I've got performance nerves now! I think I've just gotten real lucky and against a real player I'm just going to be making all kinds of mistakes."
No. 870742 ID: f6785d

"Oh come on now Villi, we here to have some fun! ANY kind of fun, you might have allready noticed. You shouldn't worry about it. I mean, yeah she is going to go no-mercy on you, but we have it the same way. Besides, i think she might actually be intrested as well, you know? I think you her attention."
No. 870755 ID: 3abd97

No pressure, goat. We're playing for fun. Worst case is you get beat and someone gets to be smug about it.
No. 870760 ID: 2d1231


Wait, are we talking about his dick or his deck because the difference isn't as subtle as just one letter ...?
No. 870787 ID: a363ac

hey Ceo what do you think of our resident goat baker?
No. 870791 ID: fc93e4


A'ight, teach him the ropes of flirting and the like.

Step 1: Act confident, and make yourself smell and look nice.

Step 2: complement target, make em feel good about themselves.

Step 3: Act like you aren't very interested in what's going on, even if your tail is on fire, cuz you're so cool.

Step 4: Make her impressed in you, tell them about your accomplishments and don't be afraid to fib.

Step 5: If this fails, get her a bit drunk, and try again from step 2.

Step 6: if step 5 fails, you're SOL.

60% of the time, it works every time.
No. 870807 ID: c8ffa1

Villi, we’re all aware you’ve been winning through unfathomable luck, no one is going to be disappointed in you if you lose. We will however be impressed if you actually pull off a win.
No. 870811 ID: 91ee5f

What? No, there’s no pressure for you to beat her. We’re all here just to have fun!
No. 870813 ID: 1c8358

For real; everyone is here to sort cards, have fun and be friends. The pressure should be minimal at most, silly goat.
No. 870818 ID: bb78f2

Yeah ok Villi, you'll be fine, the worse thing that MIGHT happen is you get her pregnant tonight ok. She might want to min max your sperm into the card game messaiah, so don't play TOO well.
No. 870856 ID: c31aac

I was gonna vote for defusing the situation but we need to channel our inner Gallsby for a second and say this
No. 870874 ID: 5afc83

Villi I am a real player! I may be rusty but I remind you that all these cards are mine, and you beat me, you beat me when I was being cheap ever.
You'll do fine and even if you don't win there's no penalty for losing.
No. 870885 ID: e6928c

Should've given her One with Nutting instead
No. 870995 ID: bfb318
File 151994731430.png - (133.65KB , 800x800 , 370.png )

"Am I not a real player, Villi?"
"Erk - I mean - no that - I mean yes you are, but that's what I mean! I got lucky and now expectations are huuuge!"
"No one's going to be disappointed or penalize you for losing. Worst case scenario is you get her pregnant."
"Worst case, Villi, worst case! That probably won't happen. She might just not have mercy on you, then you lose, and we move on with our lives."
"Speeeaking of that, it's, um, I don't know if I have the time! Dinner rush is going to start in a little while, and I can't play while serving customers! Oh, uh, you can all move upstairs though to keep playing."
>"Hey! Don't back out on me, Villi! I'll wait after dinner to fight you!" Ceo calls out from across the dining area.
"I think it's just your nerves talking. Unless you also were trying to find a way to flirt with her?"
"N-no, I wouldn't!"
>"Something wrong with me?" she asks.
"Then it's just a game of magic!"

I can't tell if Villi has a thing for Ceo or not and just doesn't want to admit it. I'm curious as hell. Finding out means further investigation and probing. That, or I mind my own business.
No. 870999 ID: 86eb65

Probe the goat deep and hard. We need him fucking a CEO before the end of the night if that is in the cards.
No. 871002 ID: fc93e4

Probe him deep. How deep? About as deep as the marianas trench.

If he still doesn't let up, pay him 20 bucks. Always works when i try to get info.
No. 871004 ID: f6785d

Frillsby, you are a cop, snooping in other persons business, is YOUR business. The answer for Villi getting in Ceo's pants, if he is indeed interested in that perticular goal, is in the game of magic. We need to make Villi really good at the game, either for him beating Ceo, or at least to be close enough to impres her.
No. 871005 ID: 10e2b3

Doesn't Villi run a bakery/donut shop? Is there typically a dinner rush for these kinds of shops? Or am I misremembering?
No. 871006 ID: f6785d

Would it be a good idea to ask Gallsby for help?
No, wait, let me re-frace that: Should ask Gallsby for help, or we do this on our own?
No. 871016 ID: daa216

I vote you tug the goat's pants down. Quickest way to see how he's feeling to CEO currently.
No. 871019 ID: 91ee5f

Tell Villi to stop spilling his coffee.
No. 871023 ID: f6785d

That sound like something Gallsby would do. I don't oppose tho.
No. 871026 ID: 2efe4b

The donuts and so on are all made already, right? Someone can cover for him. Help him set up anything needed to make that easier, and while you have him pulled away to do that you can interrogate him.
No. 871030 ID: c8ffa1

The quota for goat bullying has already been achieved, let’s not push it too far. For now though let’s just pester mayor or ceo.
No. 871032 ID: 3abd97

>Finding out means further investigation and probing.
Or you just conspire to get them together and see what happens. We shall test it!

>I don't know if I have the time! Dinner rush is going to start in a little while, and I can't play while serving customers!
If the shop gets too busy we can adjust the game schedule to give Villi a break, or someone(s) else can help in the shop if he's busy in a game.
No. 871040 ID: fc93e4


Okay, yeah, forget what i said, do this. But make sure he has a 'carrot' in his pocket first.

But make it look like an accident.
No. 871046 ID: 91ee5f

Pulling his pants down is considered sexual assault and Frillsby will have to arrest himself!

Or Mayor will fire Frisllby and then tell Gallsby to arrest Frillsby!
No. 871049 ID: f6785d

Not if it is an accident! That is why i asked about asking Gallsby for help, he is good with those things. Hell, he might actually end up hurting Villi a little and make it more credible.
No. 871060 ID: 91ee5f

A crime is still a crime, even when you plan to make it look like an accident. And Frillsby would rather arrest himself than commit a crime.
No. 871066 ID: b1b4f3

Please don't bully the goat.
No. 871129 ID: 3740b1

Probe away.
No. 871205 ID: bfb318
File 152003112736.png - (110.47KB , 800x800 , 371.png )

I don't think probing will count as bullying.

>Pants the goat
This does count.

Villi's been in and out already to bake pastries. I don't know what a dinner rush is like in a bigger town, but in Dorb, there's a handful of people who want to stop by here, based on the first time we met Villi.

"Stop spilling coffee, Villi." I lower my voice as I begin the probe.
"You don't have to play if you don't want to, but we'd like to see it. Ceo's already said she's looking forward to it."
"Y-yeah, but what if she just likes newbie crushing?"
"Then she'll just go elsewhere to crush newbies. She may not be around town again, this might only be an occasional thing."
"O-oh, really? Ah, um... well, I should play then, if she came all this way!"
"Again, no one's making you. Someone else could play against her if you'd prefer."
"No, no! I think I'd like to play her myself, now that I think about it."
No. 871223 ID: 3abd97

Cool. If the customers become a problem, we can give you a hand.
No. 871226 ID: deec6e

That's the spirit! We'll help you with the shop if you want - since you're nice enough to help me with the sorting and providing a venue and all.
No. 871228 ID: fc93e4

>This does count.


Well, give him this advice for playing against CEO: Believe in the Heart of The Cards.

So just topdeck.
No. 871290 ID: de6d84

Alright then, we'll be around if you need any help.
No. 871418 ID: bfb318
File 152010514468.png - (189.06KB , 800x800 , 372.png )

"Right. Then we'll help with the shop if you want."
"Okay! Maybe some help with the register... but it should be okay!"
"Believe in the heart of the cards."
"I've tried with Yugioh..."

I'm still not sure if Villi has a thing for Ceo. It's not obvious yet. I'll let him calm down while I pull Ceo away to talk at the side of the building.

"Hey Ceo. What do you think of the Villi?"
>"Cute. I don't know if he's just shy, or if he has no idea how to interact with people!"
"Some of both, definitely the former."
>"He didn't send you over to talk to me for him, did he?"
"Nope. But if I encourage Villi to go after you, I wanted to make sure I wasn't encouraging him to go on a doomed mission."
"Was it that funny?"
>"No no, I was just thinking that I came here for magics, not dates, but they're not mutually exclusive. A candlelit dinner table except with magic. Best idea or awful terrible idea?"
No. 871419 ID: 86eb65

Best idea for sure. Game night in a donut shop with a cute nervous goat? Can't go wrong there.
No. 871421 ID: f6785d

"Well, that depens on you and him really. In the heat of the moment, on you either want to won the kid goat, or you want to win the game. Or even both. Still, the main idea is for all of us to have fun, in what ever way we want cia magic or social interaction, so just don't think much about it. My advice, get the goat, it's really funny to tease him. Hell, he actually seems to be really ager to play with you."
No. 871422 ID: 1a9fe2

Hella best idea, as long as she's not gonna tilt out! He's still a newbie, after all.
No. 871433 ID: 3abd97

>Best idea or awful terrible idea?
The best terrible awful idea.

Let's do it.
No. 871444 ID: c8ffa1

Both. I love it.
No. 871447 ID: fc93e4

Well, to quote Shia Labeouf, "DO IT. JUST DO IT!"
No. 871475 ID: 15a025

Sounds like it could be a fun time! Ask Villi and see if he's got any candles? If you have any card mats you could break those out and use them in place of the fancy table clothes too.
No. 871791 ID: bfb318
File 152028936279.png - (128.84KB , 800x800 , 373.png )

"Best awful terrible idea."
"Are you going to try to win him over, or just destroy him as hard as you can in magic?"


>"Okay maybe I'll let him actually play a little bit per turn instead of countering all his stuff, but if the date goes bad because I'm not letting him win, then it wasn't a date meant to go well."
"Alright. Let me see if Villi has any candles."
>"Noonono. It's gotta be a surprise!"
>"Because if he realizes he's been put on a date, that boy's going to be a nervous wreck all day. Just go to the grocery store and get a cheap pack. Oh, and while you're at it, go get some other date material. I don't know what, I never did real dates a whole lot."
"We can use magic play mats instead of tablecloth."
>"Yes perfect."
No. 871792 ID: bb78f2

Ok so cologne, perfume, and condoms. If you're NOT buying food, renting/buying a movie, or getting your date some flowers thats... about it. I mean, most shopping trips are about supplies for the date itself and we HAVE all the magic cards we need here, unless we want to buy more.
No. 871799 ID: fc93e4

Sweet. Now we're shipping people.


And Lube, do not forget lube. And we should see if we can get someone to play the role of fancy waiter.
No. 871805 ID: bfb318
File 152029513576.png - (125.99KB , 800x800 , 374.png )

I think Ceo is already wearing light perfume, so I leave to go to a shop to get cologne for Villi. Ceo will just tell the others I'm out on an errand. Flowers for Villi to give to Ceo may be appropriate, if not for me buying them for him to give to Ceo. It's still an option.

I'll get condoms too. And lube, sure.

Food may be nice. Ceo probably wouldn't mind pastries as the dinner, but it wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary for Villi.


Probably: Cologne, condoms, lube

Maybe: Flowers, movie rental, date food. Also a fancy waiter.

Probably not?: More magic cards

And anything else I can think of.
No. 871807 ID: e7edf1

Just have Gallsby or Yams be the fancy waiter.

Buy some Benadryl to calm the goat down so he doesn't spill all his spaghetti. Or just buy a mop to clean the spaghetti.
No. 871815 ID: 3abd97

Fancy table cloth. Fancy napkins (or lame napkins, for magic).

Can probably rob the bakery for dessert.

No. 871816 ID: 91ee5f

>Also a fancy waiter
Why don’t you be the fancy waiter? That way you can make sure nobody messes with Ceo and Villi on their date.
No. 871819 ID: fc93e4


Well if we're getting that kinky, the get a blind fold, a gag, and maybe a cucumber.
No. 871821 ID: bb78f2

If we REALLY want to be kinky lets get a human suit
No. 871838 ID: deec6e

Some drink that will go well with the food, depending on what the meal ends up being and what you think Ceo and Villi likes.
No. 871850 ID: 2efe4b

Remember, this is going to be a stealth date! Villi needs to believe he's in a perfectly normal card game match, until finally - ha ha! You were on a date the whole time!

So, apart from the probablies (you'll need to get that cologne on him somehow that doesn't make him suspect), get the food and a movie. You can have the movie on "in the background". The food will need to be something nice enough for a date but that can be disguised as snacks. Hmm... do you have a fondue pot?
No. 871873 ID: daa216

See if you can get Gallsby to take hats from people in a dignified manner and sophisticated manner.
No. 871876 ID: b0879a

Some nice wine perhaps?
Ice cream and maybe strawberries or cherries.
No. 871878 ID: f6785d

Wouldn't he shred them with his claws?
No. 872387 ID: bfb318
File 152054741365.png - (128.50KB , 800x800 , 375.png )

Drugging the goat might undermine the date.

>See if you can get Gallsby to take hats from people in a dignified manner and sophisticated manner.
With my mind's eye, I can already see that I cannot. My mind's eye can't comprehend why I'd do it though.

>Handcuffs, blind fold, gag, cucumber
This store is way too tame to sell most of this stuff.

Blindfolds, though, have a section in the party goods.

I also get some decent wine, along with some condoms, lube, flowers just in case, and a movie rental. I also throw in some fancy napkins. The tablecloth is already magic playmats, which is actually awful and each playmat costs more than a tablecloth.... I get a tablecloth. And if needed, I'm sure Villi has a mop, to clean up all the spaghetti he may spill tonight.

A fancy waiter can be chosen later, whether it's me or Gall- Khi - Yams.

I go to the cash register.

The guy ringing me up doesn't say anything, but I can feel some over the counter judgement going on.
No. 872388 ID: bfb318
File 152054742818.png - (134.34KB , 800x800 , 376.png )

I call up Randy and order some food and snacks to have ready at about 7 PM.

I get a text from Ceo.

>"Hey, Villi says he's good to play upstairs at somepoint, but even if he does it after the dinner 'rush', he'd feel a lot comfier if someone was minding the shop."
"I was considering have someone be a waiter for you two."
>"Oh good. So one person is the waiter, and one person will mind the shop, then?"
No. 872395 ID: 3e59db

Assuming you're at walmart, target, or someplace like that, I find it unlikely that they don't sell cucumbers.

But I say you should be the waiter. Give Villi some tips if needed.

Also check your phone, as twitter has blown up for some reason, something about "flash 6" or something like that.
No. 872399 ID: deec6e


Unless Yams strength and arm makes it hard for him to deal with the counter, you should be the waiter. You're the midwife to this best awful terrible idea, after all.
No. 872405 ID: b1b4f3

Yams should be the waiter. He's great at lifting things that means he can lift the food real good!
No. 872407 ID: 3abd97

If Yams is a waiter or a shop minder he will need to be reminded neither job involves dumpsters.
No. 872415 ID: f6785d

Hi Leaf!
No. 872453 ID: c8ffa1

Hey, did you make sure to pick up candles? Wouldn’t want to forget the thing we came for.
No. 872462 ID: 1ce946

He has pupils so probably descendant.

What no ice-cream? No strawberries? No cherries? Not even Chocolate!? You fucking pleeb!

You waiter, Yams shop, Khivat distracts Gallsby.
No. 872886 ID: 15a025

Yams should be fine running the shop while you be the waiter.
No. 872903 ID: e7edf1

You're the waiter.

Yams mans the shop.

Khivat is the nyotaimori.

Gallsby gives the goat the succ under the table.
No. 873247 ID: bfb318
File 152095712780.png - (110.76KB , 800x800 , 377.png )

>They don't sell cucumber?
It's a small town grocery store with limited stock. Sometimes there's cucumbers, sometimes there's not.

I do the walk of forgetful shame back into the store, to pick up some candles I didn't get the first time. Also, cologne.

>No ice cream, strawberries, etc?
Randy will be handling that kind of stuff. I go over to his restaurant while I wait.

I write up a response for Ceo.

"I'll be the waiter. Get Yams on shop duty, he can lift up food real good. Just remind him that it doesn't involve dumpsters!"
>"What about Khivat and Gallsby?"
"Get Khivat to keep Gallsby distracted and busy."
>"Yams is asking where to take out excess trash, if it doesn't involve dumpsters."
"It doesn't involve touching dumpsters, then, just throwing trash into dumpsters."

This date's a surprise, but when I give Villi cologne and tell him to put it on immediately, he may ask for an explanation of some kind. I need to consider how to best get cologne on him.
No. 873248 ID: 2d1231


Cologne was a free sampler that they gave you at the checkout, apparently the last one, and oops, you totally spilled some on Villi!

Might as well rub it in a bit while you're at it.

What? It's a flawless plan.
No. 873249 ID: f6785d

Put cologne on all the males, say it was a free sample for testing. The ones that give you the sample want to know if consumers like it. Ask what they think.
No. 873252 ID: 3abd97

Just upend the bottle of cologne on him without warning. Perfect plan.
No. 873253 ID: 90f3c0

Douse yourself in cologne, then transfer it to Villi via hug. He'll never suspect a thing.
No. 873302 ID: f3c71a

Cologne fight?
No. 873340 ID: da1652

the cologne's a confidence builder, for the game.
No. 873406 ID: a363ac

just spray it on him and tell him its supposed to make him look cooler I am sure he will fall for it
No. 873553 ID: 931ed9

Maybe joke about how you wanted him to smell good for his date and spray it on him before he says anything else then wave it off as you not being serious but he has got a little smelly from all the sweating from hard work and nerves.
No. 873727 ID: 64049d

Here's an idea.

"Hey Villi wanna try some cologne? ok here." Then spray it on him before he knows what's happening.
No. 874143 ID: bfb318
File 152132227742.png - (151.26KB , 800x800 , 378.png )

I think I've got it.

Once Randy passes the food to me, I go back and discreetly hand off the supplies to Ceo. She'll set up the table, and I'll get that cologne on Villi.

He's at the register, finishing up an order. I wait at the entrance to the back area.

"Hey, Villi." I call to him, once the customer leaves.
"Hey again, Frillsby!"
"Could you come over here a second?"
"Sure! What for?"
"It's a surprise."
No. 874144 ID: bfb318
File 152132229819.png - (130.65KB , 800x800 , 379.png )

He looks apprehensive, but he doesn't press any farther and comes to the back.

"Wh-what's that smell?"
"It's cologne. While running errands, I got pressured into trying it out. Does it seem alright to you?"
"Yeah I like it! Uh, it's a little heavy though, don't you think?"
"I do think. I put way too much on by accident."
"Haha yeah I know how that can go."
"... want a hug?"
"Oh uh what?"
"Want a hug?"
"Oh um sure? Is everything alright?"
"Things are fantastic, but who needs an excuse to hug a buddy?"
"Welllllll, okay! I think you're acting a little worrisome but I sure can't think of a reason not to hug!"
No. 874145 ID: bfb318
File 152132231909.png - (111.51KB , 800x800 , 380.png )

The hug is initiated. I squeeze on him like I'm some kind of cologne sponge. Even so, it's probably just getting on his clothes.
No. 874146 ID: bfb318
File 152132233898.png - (136.28KB , 800x800 , 381.png )

So I rub it in, more.

"A-ah. That's a pretty... intense hug."

This might be enough? It might not be enough. It's hard to tell.
No. 874147 ID: 86eb65

Get all over him. Got to make him smell nice.

Cant forget the butt when surprise cologneing someone up.
No. 874151 ID: f6785d

"Well, i thought that it would be a waste to have all this cologne on me and not share it. And hugs are nice too. So here, we are hugging and we smell nice now. It's nice, no? I think is nice."
No. 874152 ID: 1a9fe2

Grope that goat, gotta get it on the good parts, too!
No. 874155 ID: 3cc68c

Keep working it in so much that somehow in the confusion you end up both in the same set of clothes.
No. 874160 ID: a363ac

roll his dick like you want a piece of playdooh to be a long string
No. 874163 ID: bba415

Now now, you want him to have some juice left in the battery for Ceo.
No. 874167 ID: 3abd97

It's probably enough. You can't exactly get him naked and rub him all over without complicating the date. He's gonna be at enough of a disadvantage there.
No. 874182 ID: 91ee5f

No. 874188 ID: 10e2b3

Give him a friendly brojob so his dick smells nice.
No. 874192 ID: b1b4f3

Look does it really matter? Enough rubbing.
No. 874212 ID: 15a025

Rub it in a little more. Don't over do it though, otherwise there might not be enough Villi left for Ceo.
No. 874222 ID: 76c705

Grab the goat butt!
No. 874226 ID: bb78f2

If you want to get a little frisky right now, blueball him for Ceo's sake.
No. 874293 ID: b79be5

This is the stupidest plan you've ever come up with. I thought you were supposed to be the subtle one.
Blue ball goat.
No. 874729 ID: bfb318
File 152166320415.png - (147.65KB , 800x800 , 382.png )

"And now we smell nice, because we upped the hug game."

I grab his butt, and his reflex is to bear hug me.

>I thought you were the subtle one
Sometimes I accidentally channel my inner Gallsby and come up with stupid plans.

If I go any farther, the excuse of cologne spreading and hugging will run too thin. I stop, but not before Villi looks a bit ruffled by the whole thing.

"Are you ready to play Ceo?"
"I - Yeah - I guess so!"
No. 874730 ID: bfb318
File 152166321219.png - (115.18KB , 800x800 , 383.png )

I break the hug and lead him up to the room that Ceo is supposed to have set up by now.
No. 874731 ID: bfb318
File 152166322982.png - (124.78KB , 800x800 , 384.png )

The lights are dimmed, and candles are already lit on the table.

>"Finally! Sit down and fight me." she says.

Villi starts going 'uhhhhhh" except unlike a normal rational person, he isn't stopping.
No. 874734 ID: 6780f5

Slap him on the ass to snap him out of it, and then tell him to go get her.
No. 874735 ID: c88e6d

Flick him on the horns.
No. 874736 ID: a70f54

Wow, looks like Ceo is such a hardcore player that she even sets the ambiance for the idea of being a wizard summoning creatures and casting spells, most people forget this game is even supposed to have any lore.
No. 874738 ID: f6785d

Be aroused by doing so.
No. 874749 ID: 986952

Relax Villi, its just a boss battle.
No. 874758 ID: 91ee5f

Do this.

And tell Villi to go do his best to beat Ceo!
No. 874759 ID: 3abd97

Where are the playmats as placemats? Your decorator messed up!

>Villi starts going 'uhhhhhh" except unlike a normal rational person, he isn't stopping.
Villi saying "uh" isn't how you play magic what are you doing.

Act like this is perfectly normal and there's nothing weird going on so he has no choice but to go along with it.
No. 874761 ID: deec6e

Gently pick up his dropped jaw and ask Villi if he's hungry. He was drooling a bit there, seems. Not to worry - you'll go get some food so Ceo and him can have a bite during the match-up.

Earnestly wish him the best of luck.
No. 874769 ID: c8ffa1

“Villi, it is exactly what it looks like.”
“Ceo, i got him all cologned up for you”

Maybe go play some boss battle music to set the mood?
No. 875191 ID: bfb318
File 152185210733.png - (180.52KB , 800x800 , 385.png )

I slap him on the butt.

"Go get her. You can't beat her while saying 'uhhh'"
"-hhhhh o-okay! It just - this kind of looks like... n-nevermind!"
>"Looks like what?"
"O-oh, just be-between the candlelight, the dinner, the c..cologne... it almost seemed like a date hahaha but that's silly who would think that!"
>"Oh is that why you're holding flowers?"
"Fl - ah?! When was I holding flowers?!"

He didn't even notice me hand them to him.

"Y-yeah I'm kind of a little suspicious that this is a date you guys!"
>"I don't think anyone said that this was a date, Villi."
"Yeah Villi, what about this is like a date?"
"The cologne!"
"I put that on myself though. That's second hand cologne."
"The candle light!"
>"There's lore in magic, you know. Wizards casting spells and so on."
"But a candle l-lit dinner?"
>"Wizards get hungry too." Ceo says.
"Try to beat Ceo, Villi. Best of luck."

>Where are the playmats as placemats? Your decorator messed up!
That was the original plan, but playmats are too expensive to act as a tablecloth for imminent spaghetti. I might be channelling my inner Gallsby, but I never want to go full Gallsby.
No. 875192 ID: bfb318
File 152185211825.png - (174.90KB , 800x800 , 386.png )

"I - um, hi!" Villi says as he sits down and looks around for a spot to put the flowers.
>"Hi! Should I take the flowers?" asks Ceo.
>"Thanks! That's sweet."

"I'm a little confused about the mood here!"
"I'll set the mood with some music to clear things up."

I open my phone and play some boss battle music. While setting up food on the smaller table, I watch as Villi fumbles with his deck. His first hand is bad enough for him to decide to mulligan down to 6. Then, by accident, he draws 7 cards instead of 6.

"I - er, I messed up!"
>"That's what Frillsby's here for. Show him your hand face down, and he'll take a random card out of your hand." says Ceo.

I do so, and can tell that in Villi's current nervous state, this is just the first mistake of many.

I'm the judge, so shouldn't outright help Villi, but maybe there's something I can do to ease his nerves before he melts into his chair.
No. 875193 ID: 3abd97

>but maybe there's something I can do to ease his nerves before he melts into his chair
I'm not sure blowing him under the table would make him more composed, and it would be kinda rude to CEO to do that in the middle of a not-date anyways.
No. 875195 ID: 86eb65

Goats get calmed down by ear scratches.
No. 875202 ID: f6785d

Do they? Wouldn't that get them more excited?
No. 875203 ID: 6780f5

Pet gote.
No. 875204 ID: c88e6d

Pet him between the horns.
No. 875205 ID: b1b4f3

Shoulder massage.
No. 875213 ID: bb78f2

little booze always settles the nerves
No. 875218 ID: 91ee5f

>I might be channelling my inner Gallsby, but I never want to go full Gallsby.
Because if you did, then you’d also grow monster hands and be unable to do anything with those giant claws tearing everything up!

Yeah, that should help.
No. 875317 ID: 15a025

Give him a good head rub.
No. 875818 ID: bfb318
File 152233364453.png - (167.53KB , 800x800 , 387.png )

I pet him on the head. I'm not sure if it's working.

"I - um - not saying stop but I - I'm afraid that Ceo might think this is kind of.... um...?"

"I mean - wait - do you?"
>"Do I what?"
"Think it's... adorable?"
"Oh.... then... ke-keep going? If it's alright?"
>"It's time for loosening up."

Ceo grabs her bag she put under the table, and brings out a bottle and couple of cups. She pours what is thankfully wine and not, I don't know, absinthe. I keep petting and Villi is fidgety but not like he's going to knock the table over with sudden movements.

Though I sense...
No. 875819 ID: bfb318
File 152233365514.png - (110.76KB , 1000x800 , 388.png )

No. 875820 ID: 10c408

Quickly and politely shoo the trouble back through the door before it fully emerges and ruins this glorious trainwreck. Scrubs it's dishes if you must and only as a terrible last resort behind closed and hopefully unobserved doors.
No. 875823 ID: 6780f5

Swiggity swooty, Gallsby's coming to plunder some goteboy booty
No. 875830 ID: eeb7d9

Frillsby, it is time. You must sacrifise yourself in other to give the goat a good magic night, and pobably some booty. You will have to sacrifise your boddy to the deamon with claws, you have no choise.
No. 875836 ID: c88e6d

Head for Trouble and carefully subdue it with like, I dunno, tactical groping and mockery or something. Depart the room and allow the game to continue in your absence.
No. 875849 ID: 64049d

Damn it Khivat, you had one job. ONE. UNO.

So now we should probably find a way to keep Gallsby busy. I see two ways we can go about this.

1) We do a straight distraction, find something to keep him occupied for the rest of the date, but we can't have the distraction detract from the date.

2) Lock him in a closet, and handcuff him just in case.
No. 875854 ID: a363ac

Excuse yourself to go apply copious amounts of cologne to Gallsby's dick
No. 875885 ID: 6780f5

>Excuse yourself to go apply copious amounts of cologne mouth to Gallsby's dick
No. 875895 ID: 76c705

>Excuse yourself to go apply copious amounts of cologne mouth cologne to Gallsby's dick
No. 875903 ID: b1b4f3

Go shoo Gallsby away.
No. 875908 ID: d2e2ce

Slam the door shut as quietly as you can.
No. 875912 ID: 3abd97

Time to grab trouble by the horns!

...or the closest thing you can find on trouble that resembles a horn.
No. 876286 ID: 15a025

Boop the snoot with heavy douse of cologne.
No. 876341 ID: bfb318
File 152256759950.png - (120.47KB , 900x600 , 389.png )

I go over to Gallsby outside of the room and quietly and calmly slam the door shut.

"What're you doing?"
>"Just wanderin'."
"Just wandering."
>"Got the ol' bit of wanderlust."
"Where's Khivat? I thought she was dist - watching - hanging out with you."
>"She was! And then Yams got his hand stuck in the cash register."
>"It's the mystery of a century and that's probably why Khivat's still down there!"
"Well this room is a sanctioned, private magic match, and I, the judge, am the only one allowed in."
>"I dunno Frillsby, it's goat-land in here so I've got to get goat-permission."
"Do I need to shoo you away?"
>"I'm unshooable and you know that."

I boop his snoot. His nose scrunches up from the cologne.

>"A magic fight with cologne?"
>"I sense ulterior motives Frillsby! You know you can't keep them from me!"
"Unless you're distracted."
>"I've just gotten focused. Focused on what's going on behind these doors! A guy and a girl, in a room, together? I can only think of one possibility!"
"Magic duel?"
>"Is that what the kids call fucking these days?"
"Gallsby if your mind is going right to the gutter then how about we go to a gutter and I distract you with blowjobs."
>"You can't buy me off with blowjobs Frillsby!"
No. 876343 ID: bfb318
File 152256765747.png - (159.44KB , 900x600 , 390.png )

>"This goes beyond any blowjobs! I need to know what goatman and tittylady are doing!"
"Gallsby they have names!"
>"Goatman and Tittyladyyyy!"

I either need a clever distraction that somehow outweighs what he thinks is going on behind closed doors. Or grab his troublesome self by the horns ears and lock him in a closet with something to keep himself busy. That's the heavy duty option but it has a 100% success rate.
No. 876352 ID: c88e6d

Clearly we need to tell him all about the excitement of being naked in front of an entire town's worth of people from our point of view.

Also, we need to find the Mayor. She'll know what to do.
No. 876363 ID: 10c408

I agree with this except for finding the mayor.

"No, but I bet I can buy you off with telling you about my buck naked misadventure while you were detaining Jamie." Whisper this and prod gallsby away from the date.
No. 876389 ID: a363ac

close the door if its a knob gallsby won't be able to get it open easily. then just pull him to the floor and fuck him in the hall.
No. 876390 ID: 10e2b3

Handcuff him to you so you can keep an eye on him.
No. 876395 ID: 91ee5f

>And then Yams got his hand stuck in the cash register.
Obviously, he was using his left hand, aka his giant hand, and that’s how he got his hand stuck in the cash register.

Yeah, this might work.

The door does have a knob, but he still got in. Meaning he somehow managed to open the door or someone didn’t shut the door all the way closed.

That’s the opposite of getting him away from the date! Frillsby is trying to not bring Gallsby into the room with him!
No. 876429 ID: eeb7d9

No. 876442 ID: 76c705

yea find the cute mayor!
No. 876454 ID: 3abd97

Handcuff his mouth shut.

>The door does have a knob, but he still got in. Meaning he somehow managed to open the door or someone didn’t shut the door all the way closed.
He slobbered that knob!

Frillsby should tell Gallsby off for slobbering the knob, now it's all sticky.

Yes, we should see how her card sorting is going.
No. 876466 ID: bfb318
File 152261688895.png - (94.12KB , 800x800 , 391.png )

>Close the door if its a knob gallsby won't be able to get it open easily.
It was closed already, though, I don't know how he -

"Gallsby did you open the door with your mouth?!"
>"Well what am I supposed to do? Use my hands?"
"You're not supposed to open doors at all!"
>"Then what are doors for?!"
"Blocking Gallsbys!"
>"That's what locks are for!"
"Come on, I'll tell you about my na - my naked adventure through town after meeting Jamie."
>"Yeah naked adventures!"
"Then you're spared the handcuffs for now."
>"Uh okay."
"Why do you sound disappointed?"
>"I'm not but I dunno why I can't be handcuffed and listen to a story?"
"... nevermind."
>"Now I kinda want to get handc-"
"Not on request."

"Not right now anyway."
No. 876467 ID: bfb318
File 152261690289.png - (128.73KB , 1000x800 , 392.png )

I bring him downstairs.

Yams has freed his hand from its money prison, and Khivat looks at me, then Gallsby, then looks back to me and shrugs.

>Find Mayor
Mayor is also down here. She's already sorted all of the cards, and has fallen asleep at another table.

I take Gallsby to a table to distract him from everything else, and talk about what happened after we split up.

I'm just about done, when I hear a loud 'thud' from upstairs.
No. 876468 ID: b1b4f3

Welp go check on them.
No. 876469 ID: 86eb65

Handcuff Gallsby to something strong and go peek upstairs.
No. 876470 ID: a363ac

Distract Gallsby harder they are probably fucking. and if not Villi will run away if he is in danger.
No. 876473 ID: f62af6

Stack coffee cups on top of the sleeping Mayor.
No. 876474 ID: f9d2b4

Does it sound like a goat-freezing-up-and-hitting-the-floor kind of thud, or a smaller one?
No. 876476 ID: deec6e

Man, she did it. All sorted. You should buy Mayor some more totally not illegal yet energy drinks as a thanks.


>handcuff Gallsby to something strong

Gallsby handcuffed to Khivat, check. Deputize Khivat so that she can 'police hug' Gallsby (Put him in a romantic armlock. She'll understand. Probably.) and then go to check on upstairs. Be discreet, just in case, although the poor goatboy probably just fell out of his chair in response to a surprise smooch.
No. 876477 ID: 3abd97

D'aaaw. Headpats?

>Welp go check on them.
Welp, distract anyone else from checking on them.

Handcuff Gallsby like he wanted, if you have to.
No. 876490 ID: 6780f5

Sounds like Ceo got the family knife out and shanked Villi. Rip gote, it was nice knowing him.
No. 876491 ID: c88e6d

Let her rest.
No. 876516 ID: daa216

Go back to upstairs door and listen to hear if good or bad sounds come out from behind it.
No. 876541 ID: 27ab88

Sounds like CEO put the moves on goatboy, who collapsed out of nerdy shock. Quietly go upstairs and listen at the door to determine if you need to intervene.
No. 876585 ID: eeb7d9

That must be a really heavy cart of magic. Handcuff Gallsby and check on them. But don't break down the dor. Just take a peep.
No. 876614 ID: 94b57a

She is A-dorable.
No. 876667 ID: 2d1231


Sounds like the magical throwdown has begun and someone just activated their trapcard!

Wait, wrong game.
No. 876759 ID: bfb318
File 152271831227.png - (129.44KB , 800x800 , 393.png )

I'll have to buy Mayor a legitimate energy drink as thanks later.

"Khivat do you mind if I handcuff Gallsby to you?"
"I do."
>"So do I! I'll sit right here and eat pastries."
"And pay for them?"
>"Frillsby!! That you'd even ask!"
"... so no? I'm going upstairs."

That's what I say and that's what I do before I start doing weird stuff with a sleeping mayor.

>"Yams reach into my pocket and grab my pastry money!"

The thud was loud enough, but I can't tell if it was a goat falling on the floor or something else.
No. 876760 ID: bfb318
File 152271831835.png - (103.91KB , 800x800 , 394.png )

I walk upstairs. I should be discreet, I think, so I put my ear up to the door.

It's quiet. Quiet to the point of silence.
No. 876761 ID: b1b4f3

Knock. Ask if they're ok in there.
No. 876763 ID: 91ee5f

Try looking through the keyhole.
No. 876764 ID: a363ac

no don't make anysound just listen.
No. 876766 ID: 3abd97

>Yams reach into my pocket and grab my pastry money!
Gallsby no, that's a terrible name for your dick.

Try peeking under the door? There's usually a gap, and you might be able to tell if they're still sitting at the table.
No. 876769 ID: deec6e

Just go in, discreetly. You're their waiter Magic judge, after all.
No. 876771 ID: c88e6d

Carefully open the door and check.
No. 876777 ID: bfb318
File 152272099007.png - (107.01KB , 800x800 , 395.png )

>Try looking through the keyhole.
I can't see anything.

>Look under the gap
I think I see... no, the candlelight in there is too weak. I can't see anything clearly. I think they're sitting at the table.

I'll stay in the middle ground of options and knock.

"Is everything fine in there?"
>"Yep!" says Ceo.
"YYYES." I hear Villi say. I think his voice cracked.
>"Oh, wait... could you get us a towel?"


>"Wait a second, Villi's shaking his head big time. Nevermind I guess we don't need one. Do we? No? Yes? I'm going to take that as a yes. Towel, please!"

No reason not to get a towel. My sense of courtesy demands I offer to hand it to them through the door while politely averting my gaze. Every other sense wants to walk through the door with the towel.
No. 876779 ID: 86eb65

They asked for a towel. Not for privacy. They probably dropped the wine bottle and the goat lunged to catch it.
No. 876782 ID: 91ee5f

>No reason not to get a towel. My sense of courtesy demands I offer to hand it to them through the door while politely averting my gaze. Every other sense wants to walk through the door with the towel.
You’ve got no idea what’s going on in there, but you’ve got no reason to not look.

So just go in there and give them the towel. And if you see something that requires you to look away, then say, “Oh, sorry!” and avert your eyes.
No. 876783 ID: a363ac

don't do it for that goat to get sum
No. 876784 ID: deec6e


One towel, coming up.

Remain courteous, I suppose?
No. 876785 ID: f9d2b4

The door is pretty far from the table. If you just hand it through, one of them will have to get up and walk over to get it, and that'll disturb... the game, yes. Walk in and bring it right over.
No. 876790 ID: eeb7d9

I know! Go and bring the towel, put it in your head, covering your face, like a bad ghost costume. That way you will accidentally look at what they are doing, while being servicial. I know, that is too Gallsby, but hey, he has being very un-Gallsby-like, so, for the good of karma, you will have to be Gallsby-like.
No. 876794 ID: bb78f2

Sure, go get the towel.
Did we leave the condoms somewhere in that room to find? If they ARE boning in there and the condoms AREN'T, they're doing it unprotected! Worst case scenario is possible! I repeat, worst case scenario IS POSSIBLE.

If the condoms aren't on, it's your responsibility to burst in and SLAM DUNK that condom on that dick if it's out.

It's time to put those banana featuring sex ed classes to use!
No. 876806 ID: c88e6d

Get a larger towel....
No. 876811 ID: 10c408

Oh my. Yeah, get several towels and use one of them as a blindfold. Drape the others over your arm and then walk in, wait for them to be removed then about face and walk out.
No. 876812 ID: 10c408

Oh, and 'conveniently' lose several condoms while you are at it.
No. 876823 ID: daa216

Get him that towel be polite and dont look...too much.
No. 876879 ID: 91ee5f

Since all of the cards everyone has been using belong to you, you should suddenly become very worried at the possibility that the reason they need a towel is because they might have accidentally spilled wine on your cards!
No. 876880 ID: a363ac

put the condoms inside the towels so they fall out when you open it
No. 876887 ID: ffa7ee

We were only gone for 5 minutes, how are they screwing already?

But get the towel and throw it in without looking.
No. 876898 ID: bfb318
File 152276740881.png - (136.16KB , 800x800 , 396.png )

I go grab a couple towels, and put on on myself like a blindfold.

I open the door up.

"Ah wait!"

I hear Villi jump out of his chair to rush at me, then stops.

"Ohhh a blindfold okay."
"I see that I was right to think that privacy was needed."
>"Do you see?"
"... with my mind's eye."
"Wait, how... why did you think that I forgot to say anything!"
"Call it a hunch. I put protection in these towels."

Villi doesn't ask and takes my towel to find out what I mean. I can tell when he unravels the towel when I hear the condoms I put in falling out.

"W-what do you think we're doing in here?!"
"Screwing, basically."
"So can I take the towel off?"

Ceo's giggling at the table, trying not to lose it.
No. 876899 ID: d2e2ce

"Oh no whoops it's falling off completely without my intervention."
No. 876900 ID: a363ac

say byeeeeeee~ and slowly close the door. also probably stop gallsby before he rushes into the room while you aren't looking.
No. 876901 ID: 67478b


No. 876902 ID: 2d1231


Uh oh, I think someone spilled their driiiiiiiiiiiiiink~
No. 876907 ID: 0d45a9

Hopefully it's not that, otherwise the magic cards might've gotten damage.
No. 876910 ID: f9d2b4

"Well gosh Villi if nothing lewd's going on then I guess I have no reason to make myself look stupid keeping this towel on my face"
No. 876913 ID: bfb318
File 152277134439.png - (112.50KB , 800x800 , 397.png )

I've suspected a spill, and it smells concerningly like wine all over the place instead of localized within drinking materials.

I close the door before Gallsby looks in, then tug my towel.

"If nothing lewd's going on, then there's no reason to look this stupid with my towel."
"It's just--!"
No. 876914 ID: bfb318
File 152277135166.png - (183.04KB , 800x800 , 398.png )

Well my cards aren't soaked in wine so that's cool.
No. 876915 ID: 404c5c

Are they playing strip magic? Okay.
No. 876916 ID: 0d45a9

Strip magic? Cool. For a second I thought you got wine on the cards or something.
No. 876917 ID: a363ac

No. 876918 ID: 86eb65

Give them a thumbs up and slowly back out of the door.
No. 876919 ID: eeb7d9

Oh, well, to be perfectly honest, this isn't what i was expecting. But it is close enought, and my cards are fine. Do you need of my services as judge/waiter or shall i leave you two alone before the strip magic goes any further?
No. 876921 ID: 10e2b3

Wait, why do they need towels for strip magic? Are they just planning to use them to sit on once their underwear comes off?
No. 876922 ID: ffa7ee


Called it. Strip Magic. Just leave the towel and walk out. Give them privacy. Also tell them to try not to get anything on the cards.
No. 876924 ID: deec6e

Spilled wine over their clothes, I suppose. Good thing it wasn't your cards. Smile at them and raise an eyebrow.

"I don't remember buying any adult-rated Magic cards deliberately."

Help clean up whatever mess was made and then say that they're good to carry on - you will excuse yourself for the rest of the match and they may join the party downstairs whenever they've finished.
No. 876925 ID: c88e6d

Strip Magic, got it. Sounds fun.
No. 876928 ID: 6780f5

"Well, my cards aren't soaked in wine so that's cool."
No. 876930 ID: 671023

No. 876933 ID: b1b4f3

Give them a thumbs up. Then give them some privacy again.
No. 876959 ID: bfb318
File 152278023433.png - (134.53KB , 800x800 , 399.png )

"Well my cards aren't soaked in wine so that's cool. So is strip magic."

I give them a thumbs up and start backwalking through the door, but Villi turns to me and opens his mouth.

"Frillsby wait you have the wrong idea I spi-spilled wine on Ceo and it was a big error so then I tried to pat her down and that made things worse and then she took her shirt off to dry it out and then it was only fair that I do the same with my shirt and it was also a bad idea but I panicked and - "
>"Shit." says Ceo, cutting his verbal onslaught off.
"Wh-what's wrong? I mean - "
>"Why haven't been been playing strip magic this whole time? Frillsby even said the phrase earlier!"
"Howww would that even work?" asks Villi.
No. 876962 ID: deec6e


Make it life point based. Assign life points to articles of clothing - when you lose, remove the lost life points' worth of articles'.

House rule: If someone gets taken down from 20 to 0 in one blow, they have to do a strip tease.
No. 876963 ID: b1b4f3

Well... avoiding anything that would screw with the mechanics of the game, I can come up with a way:
Every 5 points of life lost you take off a clothing item. Healing doesn't put your clothes back on, but it does delay the next lost item. It's like, reaching 15 health for the first time you lose an item, then 10, then 5 etc.
No. 876965 ID: 86eb65

Couple options.

1. For all night playing each game lost is a clothing item.

2. Single game would assign a life value to each clothing item? As your life goes up and down you strip. Loosing means you have to do a dare from the other person. Would be heavily dependent on deck type though.

Problem is you run into lots of alternative win conditions. What if you win by milling? Then no clothes get lost.

Oh if you are playing commander you could have instead of a increasing mana cost you have to trade in a clothing item to get your commander back on the field.
No. 876979 ID: bbe955

That is the look of a women who is just looking for an excuse to get naked.
No. 876980 ID: b1b4f3

Ah, right, other lose conditions... well, for running out of cards to draw, you could say you start losing clothing items when you get down to the last 10 cards. Every 2 cards after that you lose an item.
Poison counters are similar to life.
In the case of more than one loss mechanic coming into play, I guess you just go with whatever one is closer to making you lose. They don't stack.
No. 876981 ID: a363ac

count your remaining cloths dived (the magic life point max) by it thats how many points you lose to strip a piece. byeeeeeee
No. 876992 ID: bb78f2

Well we weren't playing strip magic earlier because co-ed party with our boss and her sister. We're comfortable enough with Yams, Khivat, and Villi to do strip magic and even bone in front of each other, but frankly that's a bit too casual with the boss.

Also Yams and Khivat and Villi really could only trade favors with each other once everyone's naked since Yam's and Khivat are straight... and Khivat's a nudist too so it would definitely had to have been strip magic with favors to even have to be worth it for her and then it would have turned into a full blown magic orgy at that point.

But that would have been a major health violation to do within Villi's shop. And I don't want cum on my magic cards.
No. 877023 ID: 64049d


Not about the rules, but slip a condom to Villi.
No. 877028 ID: f9d2b4

How about a rule that you can use your clothing as a cancel? Whenever someone plays a card, you have the option to give up a piece of clothing to instead shuffle that card back into their deck. You only have so many chances! But if you win you get to ask a special favor from the loser, and if you lose they get one from you! So you'll want to use every advantage!

You'd probably want to build new decks around that idea, though.
No. 877061 ID: c88e6d

No. 877749 ID: 15a025

Clothes come off once you reach a certain amount of life (or on if you gained life)

Shirt's at 15, pants at 10, everything on loss.

Or, something comes off after each match.
No. 877764 ID: d2e2ce

Strip off shirt at 15, pants at 10, undies at 5, skin at loss.
No. 877771 ID: b1b4f3

I don't think you're supposed to take off your skin...
No. 878368 ID: bfb318
File 152349814974.png - (149.20KB , 800x800 , 400.png )

>Slip a condom to Villi
I'm pretty sure he noticed the small pile of condoms fall out of the towel I handed off earlier.

"I doubted it would work, considering we weren't ready to play strip poker in front of a new person and also the mayor herself."
>"Psh." says Ceo.
"Ceo, you're starting to sound like a girl that's looking for any excuse to get naked."
>"Check your hearing, I'm a girl that's looking for an excuse to get everyone else naked."
"O-oh, are we going to play others in... strip magic, now?" asks Villi.
>"Hell no, we're not done with our date!"
"D-d-date?!" I thought - "
>"Check your hearing, I said 'magic game!'"
"That's not anything like what I heard!"
>"Well Frillsby heard the opposite of what I said, so don't worry about it!"
"If we divide the number of clothes we wear by our 20 health points, we can lose an article every time we drop that much. So with 4 pieces of clothing, lose one at 15 health, another at 10 and so on, but healing will delay the next drop. If we want house rules, someone who drops from 20 or more health to 0 has to strip tease.
>"You've given this some thought, huh?"
"In some manner. Then again, what if people mill?"
>"Maybe for this one, we'll outlaw milling decks."
"What is milling?" Villi asks.
>"Stabbing someone with a prop knife until they get so tired of it they pretend it's a real knife and die. Now, let me borrow a shirt, Villi." She says, already turning to Villi's closet at the back. "I have another idea, that we play two headed giant and use clothes instead of life, that way Villi won't have to strip twice. Because I'll be playing with him."
"W-wait, when am I... oh right we were just starting a magic game now."
No. 878369 ID: bfb318
File 152349816297.png - (167.46KB , 800x800 , 401.png )

"I-I mean wait, you're going through my clothes!"
"You trying to keep me in a bra, huh?"
"N-no, but... um..." Villi stutters while Ceo puts on a shirt. "Oh geez that... Frillsby could we get some privacy? Like before she turns -"
No. 878370 ID: bfb318
File 152349819484.png - (122.13KB , 800x800 , 402.png )

"Around..." Villi looks away like he's never seen the shirt in his life before.
>"Hey Frillsby could you go downstairs into Villi's little business office and just bring everything up here?"
>"'cause I want to see how a business like this is ran. Villi gave his blessing."

Ceo's phone starts buzzing loudly, but neither Villi or Ceo seem to notice.
No. 878371 ID: 025e66

It's business time. Say ok but also say you should tell her that until recently Villi was using donut magic to stay awake and working constantly so take account of that because we made him stop violating his own employee rights.
No. 878372 ID: 3abd97

>Villi looks away like he's never seen the shirt in his life before.
Maybe he hasn't! Ante gets up to all kinds of mischief.

>Ceo's phone starts buzzing loudly, but neither Villi or Ceo seem to notice.
That's fine. She clearly thinks strip magic is more important than whoever might be calling and she isn't wrong.

>>"Hey Frillsby could you go downstairs into Villi's little business office and just bring everything up here?"
Yeah, sure.
No. 878373 ID: d2e2ce

"Sure, I'll take care of your phone."
No. 878374 ID: b1b4f3

No looking at phones during a date.
Go get the stuff.
No. 878383 ID: a363ac

that seems like a lot of work for both bringing it up and putting it all away again why not just go down there.
No. 878386 ID: daa216

Pick up her phone and say CEO is busy.
No. 878390 ID: 91ee5f

>"Check your hearing, I'm a girl that's looking for an excuse to get everyone else naked."
“Now you’re starting to sound like Gallsby! Are you sure you’re not secretly his sister or something?”
No. 878401 ID: bc19ee

If villi’s cool with you grabbing all his business stuff then go get it. Also tell him that he has great taste in shirts.
No. 878415 ID: 0c3c2c

Steal Ceo's phone, go loot Villi's records and bring them here.
No. 878497 ID: bfb318
File 152358027174.png - (105.51KB , 800x800 , 403.png )

"You need the stuff up here?"
>"We have everything set up here, so yeah, we do!" says Ceo.
"Okay. By the way, Villi's been staying up all the time with donut based magic. We made him stop violating his own employee rights."
>"Really. He's not allowed to violate his own rights?"
"Legally speaking, no, I don't think they can."

Ceo's face contorts in what I imagine is disgust, surprise, concern and contempt. I assume so, anyway, but identifying each emotion is like trying to see what all colors were originally used in a murky brown bucket of paint.

I look at the phone.

"Want me to get that?"
>"Is it from Poe?"
".... yeah."
>"Then nope."
"Okay, then. Villi, nice taste in shirts."
"I - thanks?!"
No. 878498 ID: bfb318
File 152358029126.png - (187.92KB , 800x800 , 404.png )

I fetch Villi's box. It was easy to find, and it looks like all of the files he has is sorted chronologically from newest to oldest of when Villi tossed it in the box.

As I pass through, I notice Mayor stirring uncomfortably in her seat, but she doesn't wake up. Khivat is helping Yams get his hand unstuck from a drawer.

Gallsby is... sitting there, doing absolutely nothing.
No. 878499 ID: 1a9fe2

SUSPICIOUS. Inspect from a distance before confronting the clawed boy.
No. 878500 ID: a363ac

don't approach its a trap
No. 878503 ID: 86eb65

Scritch the Galls
No. 878504 ID: eeb7d9

Make it stop, it is so wierd!
No. 878508 ID: deec6e


Wander up on your way over. You've left him hanging a little, so you could give him a bit of something to go on.

"Good news, Gallsby. Turns out the kid loves his muffs."

Pause for a second.

"It's really cute. Anyway, Ceo requested a rules change so they're now playing Strip Magic - and she also wants to assess Villi's business. Magic stripping, sexy muffin t-shirts, random accounting requests... well, two out of three isn't bad."
No. 878515 ID: b1b4f3

I think he's napping.

Ask Yams how he is so bad at hands.
No. 878517 ID: bc19ee

Poke him?
No. 878573 ID: bfb318
File 152363734834.png - (183.56KB , 1000x800 , 405.png )

>How is Yams so bad at hands?
He probably tried something with his hands that didn't involve lifting.

It's too suspicious. A trap, even, but I approach him.

"Good news, Gallsby, the goat loves his muffs."

I pause. He has no reaction, so I set the box of papers down and scratch behind his ear. It vibrates with too much range of motion.

"Ceo and Villi are playing strip magic. Ceo's wearing a muffin t-shirt, and also is looking at Villi's business papers. Two out of three of those things aren't bad or weir - aren't bad."
>"Do you feel it, Frillsby?"
"Yes, that's not a ghost hand on your ear. I feel it."
>"No, your cop senses! You should feel it. Mine are tingling."
"Okay. Tell me about it."
>"It's a cloud of malaise. You don't feel it?"
"My cop senses aren't as easily triggered, but when they are, they're actually helpful."
>"Okay but I'm on sentry duty."
"You mean stakeout."
>"Villi's never made steaks before, Frillsby. He's a goat. He's made of steaks."
No. 878574 ID: 86eb65

Well start sniffing around for trouble then you big lunk. I will assist with ear scritches.

But don't sniff to far.
No. 878577 ID: d2e2ce

The last time Gallsby's senses did that, you had been replaced by a Shrek that got your dong sizes wrong. Clearly, Gallsby is more finely tuned to detect trouble with dicks. Ask him which cocks are currently up.
No. 878620 ID: 3abd97

>"Villi's never made steaks before, Frillsby. He's a goat. He's made of steaks."
Then I guess it's a good things we leave the stakes out of it.
No. 878629 ID: eeb7d9

>"Villi's never made steaks before, Frillsby. He's a goat. He's made of steaks."
Gallsby, was that a joke?
No. 878670 ID: 0c3c2c

Continue rubbing him to ensure he feels better, take him off to go on senty-duty. Maybe spend some time cuddling.
No. 878766 ID: 15a025

>"Villi's never made steaks before, Frillsby. He's a goat. He's made of steaks."

As long as he's not being made into steaks, then there's no cause for alarm, yet. Ask Gallsby more about this cloud of malaise he senses.
No. 878769 ID: bfb318
File 152375622472.png - (83.11KB , 800x800 , 406.png )

"Was that a joke? We're leaving the stakes out of this one."
>"Nevermind Frillsby."
"Neverminded." I scratch his ear a bit more, but let up. It can be overdone. "The last time your cop senses tingled was when a shapeshifter shapeshifted without knowing my dong size. Go sniffing around to see what wrong dongs are in town if you want."
>"Will do! Call me if any developments happen between Ceo and Muffin Boy!"
"I will."

I won't.
No. 878770 ID: bfb318
File 152375625589.png - (206.75KB , 800x800 , 407.png )

I bring the box up to the date room.

>"Oh, hey. Go ahead and leave it here. Thanks frills." Ceo says.
No. 878771 ID: 86eb65

Neither of you are a shape shifting Shrek right?

Just checking for reasons.
No. 878774 ID: a363ac

hug goat and tell him you know his dick will impress her its a good one.
No. 878777 ID: 0c3c2c

Use antimagic on Ceo. Do it!
No. 878779 ID: 15a025

Ask if there's anything else they need?
No. 878780 ID: 10e2b3

Trip and fall under the table so you can discreetly grab both CEO and Villi with your anti-magic hands. Gotta be sure neither of them are shapeshifters.
No. 878782 ID: 8af3bb

Woah hey is that a foil card???
No. 878783 ID: 05ff2f

Nah, that's Ceo's phone going off. Prolly Poe again.
No. 878788 ID: b1b4f3

You should take that phone and answer it outside the room. Find out what Poe thinks is so important.
No. 878793 ID: 17c2ee

"So how's about them Shreks, also how big are your dicks?"
No. 878797 ID: 91ee5f

We already touched Villi when we were putting the cologne on him. So unless there’s a window or some other way for someone else to get into this room, Ceo is the only one that should be suspicious.

But another way to touch Ceo would be if Frillsby tells her that he’s amazed at how quickly she’s beating Villi and then he reaches out and pats her on the shoulder while telling her, “Good job!”
No. 878838 ID: f0c8b7

Is cheating at card games considered illegal?
Also come on MuffinGoat you're better then that, if by the end of this contest if she isn't wearing nothing but that shirt then you're not allowed to eat her like a muffin.
No. 878847 ID: eeb7d9

Boy, you better step it up. This is the best way you could win, and you're the one losing "health".
No. 878856 ID: 2d1231


Might as well tell them to shout down if they need any refills or whatever.
No. 878857 ID: bfb318
File 152381186550.png - (134.79KB , 800x800 , 408.png )

>Trip under the table and
I'd have to trip and proceed to crawl underneath the foot table to get close enough to touch both of their legs. That would be incredibly Gallsby of me.

>Pat Ceo's shoulders
Do people actually touch people's shoulders? That seems like it requires a level of familiarity inappropriate for someone like Ceo.

Who's currently stripping the clothes off Villi.

"Hey you're beating Villi quick. Good job but go easy." I say, patting her shoulder. "Muffingoat, you've got to step it up."
"I'm stabilizing hold on!"
>"Little close to neck patting aren't you?"
"Oops." I had to be sure to touch her and not Villi's shirt, though I touch that too just in case she's wearing a shapeshifting shirt.

Nothing with Ceo changes, so there's no shrekery around here. I'll presume that their dicks, or lack thereof, are still as they should be.

>Is cheating at card games considered illegal?
Illegal in the non-jail sense.

"Want me to take your phone away?"
>"... god, yes. Tell him I'm busy."
No. 878858 ID: bfb318
File 152381188151.png - (132.15KB , 800x800 , 409.png )

I take it and answer the next call, and Poe speaks before I even say hi.

>"Ceo! We need you at the office!"
No. 878864 ID: 86eb65

How big of a emergency is it? Anything to do with shape shifting Shreks?
No. 878865 ID: b1b4f3

"She's busy."
No. 878867 ID: 0c3c2c

"She's busy. This is the police, who is this?"
No. 878868 ID: 10e2b3

"new phone, who dis?"
No. 878869 ID: 1561e1

"Sorry, she's in an important meeting right now"
No. 878874 ID: 873b92

"She's laying the groundwork for an important business merger."
No. 878888 ID: 3abd97

Police business. She's busy.
No. 878898 ID: dccc88

"This is Officer Frillsby with the [what's your town name again?] police department, Ceo is currently being kind enough to assist us with a private investigation. She'll be free to contact you at her earliest convenience."
No. 878912 ID: d328bb

Dorb is in the OP.
No. 879132 ID: bfb318
File 152392577821.png - (108.47KB , 800x800 , 410.png )

"This is Officer Frillsby with the Dorb PD, C -"
>"Oh god where is Ceo?!"
" - Ceo is in a meeting and is busy."
>"Where is she right now?"
"Is this an emergency? Any sha-"
"What's the emergency?"
"Who's dying?"
"Who's stocks?"
>"Company stocks!"
No. 879135 ID: a363ac

she is currently goat fucking figure out the solution on your own.
No. 879136 ID: 86eb65

That sucks.
No. 879137 ID: 2eee33

Tell Ceo don't be a jerk.
No. 879138 ID: eeb7d9

Ok, calm down, tell me what is going on, i will be the intermediate. I'll help as much as i can. But Ceo is busy right now, so don't push it.
No. 879139 ID: 3abd97

I'm sorry, stock deaths don't start murder investigations, goodbye.
No. 879140 ID: d2e2ce

"What do you expect her or anyone to do about it?"
No. 879145 ID: 7e3575

"That sounds like something she would employ people to deal with in her absence."
No. 879160 ID: 0c3c2c

"Harassment is against the law."
No. 879173 ID: daa216

Ask if "Company Stocks" is the name of a person or actual stocks. Seeing we have a mayor named mayor and a CEO named CEO one never knows...
No. 879253 ID: bfb318
File 152399469699.png - (103.38KB , 800x800 , 411.png )

".... As in, actual stocks, or is 'Company Stocks' the name of a per - "
>"Yes I mean company stocks as in assets, finances, money, value!"
"Deaths of company stocks don't get murder investigations, sorry."
>"I'm not asking for an investigation, I'm asking to see Ceo to fix this!"
"This sounds like something she'd hire people to deal with."
>"No, it doesn't, because she wants to deal with everything herself!"
"It doesn't sound like she does."
>"Well she says she does, which is why I expect her to not go AWOL on me! Are you going to tell me where Ceo is or not?!"
"Considering that harassment is against the law, no, I don't think I am."
>"Can you at least tell me what she's doing over there?!"
"Important business mergers."
>"More businesses?!"
"That, or goat fucking."


He hangs up, so I guess that's that.
No. 879256 ID: 0c3c2c

Awesome. Time to go bother Gallsby.
No. 879264 ID: deec6e


Another satisfied customer for the Dorb PD!

If this isn't some manner of regular occurrence, you've probably contributed - in a small way - to the breakup of Ceo's business. That, or she's well aware of what's going on, has covered her own bases and is doing this deliberately to get her partner's goat.

... while getting partnered with a goat.
No. 879270 ID: 3abd97

Now you need to set a terrible ringtone for that guy.
No. 879273 ID: 56d632

Still ought to slip her a note about what just transpired. Slide it under the door or something.
No. 879288 ID: eeb7d9

First and foremost, do this. Then go and check on Gallsby.
No. 879371 ID: bfb318
File 152408060743.png - (116.66KB , 1000x750 , 412.png )

I don't want to interrupt what carnal rituals Ceo and Villi are doing behind closed doors, so I write out what happened on a paper and slip it under the door.

It's about time to bug Gallsby, but he appears to be gone. I step outside and wherever he is, he's out of sight.

I'm still holding Ceo's phone, come to think of it.

Hm.... I could make a ringtone for Poe.

1) Make a bad ringtone (Input ringtone:_)
2) Don't mess with Ceo's phone
No. 879372 ID: 86eb65

Set it to "Dirty deeds done with Sheep" by Bob Rivers.

Then ponder where your partner might have gone. We should probably start sewing tracking tags into his clothes.
No. 879374 ID: b1b4f3

No. 879395 ID: daa216

2. I do not think she would appreciate that. We should focus on finding our partner.
No. 879396 ID: deec6e


2. Go do something more productive. Look for your partner. Check around the building. It must've been something relatively nearby that twigged his crime-sensin' senses.

... any sources of copper nearby? Maybe our mystery thief is on the prowl.
No. 879399 ID: 3e59db

For the ring tone, never gonna give you up, by rick astley.
No. 879400 ID: 4854ef

No. 879403 ID: d2e2ce

Walk around with your cock out until either Gallsby's mouth is magnetically attracted to it, or someone calls the cops on you and Gallsby shows up anyway.
No. 879407 ID: 0c3c2c

Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep,

Also, time to use your special cop training to track down Gallsby.
No. 879420 ID: 3abd97

>Set it to "Dirty deeds done with Sheep" by Bob Rivers.
No. 879510 ID: 2d1231


What? No. Not for Poe, but for Villi's number, obviously!
No. 879511 ID: 91ee5f

She doesn’t have Villi’s number. They just barely met today and haven’t had a chance to exchange numbers.
No. 879522 ID: 2d1231


Yeah. We put it in there. And set the ringtone to "Dirty Deeds Done with Sheep" as a joke.

Ceo will get a kick out of it. Or kick our ass.
No. 879545 ID: 5efdda

Considering that they're probably going to be fucking on the floor within the hour, i doubt if she'll mind that much.
No. 879861 ID: 15a025

One more for Dirty Deeds Done with Sheep.
No. 880199 ID: bfb318
File 152450261725.png - (91.96KB , 800x800 , 413.png )

Nevermind, I won't make a new ringtone for Poe.

For Villi, though... I put his number in, and I give it the ringtone 'Dirty Deeds Done with Sheep.'

Now I'll use my special cop powers to locate Gallsby.
No. 880200 ID: bfb318
File 152450263253.png - (155.51KB , 1000x1000 , 414.png )

>"Hey, Frillsby."
"What are you doing?"
>"I had big dreams, Frillsby. The biggest dreams."
"What were the dreams?"
>"Climbing to the moon."
"You didn't make it very far."
>"Who's to say the moon isn't just a little ways up?"
>"Someone should stop google's lies."
"Are you trying to spy on Villi and Ceo?"
>"Does it look like that?"
"It one hundred percent looks like that."
>"Well I'm not! I was trying to get up to the top of the roof to look out for crime and shreks."
"How's it working out?"
>"Awful! I couldn't reach the roof, and I can't get down. It's embarrassing."
"Were you not going to call down to me for help?"
>"I was hoping you woudn't notice this!"
"Who did you want to notice you?"
>"No one!"
"Then how would you ever get down?"
>"I wouldn't! I was prepared to die with my shame!"
No. 880204 ID: 10c408

Get him a ladder. Make sure to slap a paper on with the words "shame ladder" written on it to the ladder before you set it up.
No. 880205 ID: d2e2ce

Remind him your dick's still down here and he should come check to make sure neither of you are shreks.
No. 880206 ID: 86eb65


But make sure the ladder goes right under that window there. Just in case.
No. 880209 ID: 0f273f

Catch him in your manly arms.
No. 880213 ID: a363ac

say you found a shrek inside and aare going to suck his dick without him and then walk back inside till he asks for help.
No. 880231 ID: 0c3c2c

Go get your friend to lift you so you can read him.
No. 880256 ID: 3abd97

"I'll go have Yams fetch a dumpster, so you have somewhere to jump down into."
No. 880324 ID: deec6e

Friends don’t let friends get stuck on roofs.

... friends also don’t try to interrupt magic dinners by butting in to make friendly, if unwelcome, observations. Anyway, you checked, neither of ‘em is a shapeyshifter - the match-up is 100% real and also adorable.
No. 880485 ID: bfb318
File 152460658123.png - (152.09KB , 800x1200 , 415.png )

I go get the shame ladder.

>"I'm not getting on that, Frillsby."
"Well I'm not getting Yams to get a dumpster."
>"Why not?"
"Yams can do more in life than get dumpsters."
>"I doubt it! I don't want to get dumpstered anyway, and I'll eat a pack of magic cards before I climb down the shame ladder!"
"Gallsby just come down!"
>"If you wanted me to just come down you wouldn't have brought the shame ladder!"
"What if I told you we found a shrek inside that needs dick checking?"
>"Then I wouldn't believe you!"
No. 880486 ID: bfb318
File 152460659385.png - (142.80KB , 800x800 , 416.png )

Khivat walks out of the building.

"What's going on out here?"
>"Nothing!" says Gallsby.
"He's stuck on the roof."
>"Khivat no don't burn the building down just to get me down!"
No. 880493 ID: 86eb65

Would you mind catching him after I knock him off there with this ladder?

Its like a confused cat that wont come down. We just need to jostle him a little.
No. 880503 ID: 0c3c2c

I like this plan.
No. 880504 ID: 3abd97

The only people burning anything down are Ceo and Villi burning down the bedroom.

Now come on Gallsby, am I gonna have to get the hose?
No. 880507 ID: eeb7d9

Gallsby, inverse psychology won't help you this time. I mean, you are a big, strong cop, aren't you?
Why don't you just jump down?
It is not that high you big sissy.
No. 880509 ID: 91ee5f

“Gallsby, stop lying! If you don’t come down here by the time I count to 3, I’m going to come up there and drag your ass down here! And then you’ll be grounded and you won’t be allowed to play Smash Bros for a whole month!”
No. 880510 ID: a0c803

Call out "No one's burning down anything Villi, Gallsby's just lying to add to his shame."
No. 880563 ID: a363ac

Yell at Villi Gallsby is just being a pervert don't listen to him! throw pastries at Gallsby till he gets down they are made fresh in the morning anyway.
No. 880651 ID: bfb318
File 152468263982.png - (168.13KB , 800x800 , 417.png )

"Villi no one's burning anything!"
>"I'll burn Villi!" I hear Ceo yell. Pretty sure she means that in the magic-terminology way.
"Gallsby you come down here this instant, don't make me come up there!"
>"You'll just get stuck too! Hey here's a plan what if you threw pastries at me?"
"I'm not going to encourage you! You can just drop down, you're not even that high up! I've seen you fall from higher distances!"
>"Yeah but not on purpose!"
"Do I need to get the hose?!"
>"Like there's a hose around here!"
"Khivat can you catch Gallsby?"

I grab the ladder and start poking Gallsby. He makes annoyed grumbly noises.

>"Why do you even want me down?!"
"You're making a scene!"
>"There was no scene until you brought the shame ladder!"

He's scooting along the ledge. He might end up in front of Ceo's window if I don't change direction. It may not be good to have Gallsby look in, but maybe I can work with that. Plus, with Ceo going try-hard, Gallsby won't be seeing anything he hasn't already.
No. 880652 ID: bfb318
File 152468265107.png - (186.44KB , 800x800 , 418.png )

There's a car coming down this way. It's not like it's that late, but it's still late for Dorb, and it's speeding this way.
No. 880653 ID: 86eb65

Get down here you big doof some crime is afoot. Who knows what nefarious things this speeding car could be doing?

Leave the ladder near him and watch the car.
No. 880654 ID: 824ac6



Gallsby, Frillsby, CRIMESTOPPER TIME
No. 880667 ID: 10c408

"Wait. Is that car doing what I think it's doing." Point so gallsby knows that shit just got a bit more real.
No. 880672 ID: ee2d6e

"Okay, serious time for a moment, Gallsby, that car down the road looks like it's speeding in this direction."
No. 880673 ID: 5041b8

"Gallsby there is a car speeding this way and you're not going to be able to cop anything up there!"
No. 880675 ID: 0c3c2c

Hey, yeah! This is a residential area. Get Khivat to make a wall of fire and prepare a barricade.

Granted that might fuck up the road but it'll look awesome and you can just melt the asphalt back into place after.
No. 880693 ID: a363ac

ladder the road
No. 880697 ID: 3abd97

Put aside your differences and pull that car over for speeding! Even if it means Gallsby taking a flying leap off the roof to intercept!
No. 880854 ID: bfb318
File 152478093507.png - (140.97KB , 1000x600 , 419.png )

"Gallsby get serious because there's a serious criminal here."
>"Well ladder up the road then!"
"And you?"
>"I'll just jump down even though I don't want to!"
"Khivat do you want to make a barricade of fire?"
"Hell yeah I do."

She walks out into the street.

"Khivat this isn't what I had in mind!"
"You can really slam the book at him better if he does attempted murder instead of just speeding. Come on fucker, let's play chicken!"

I forgot that Khivat was a little crazy. I throw the ladder down to make a barricade so this guy doesn't run over Khivat. Which I wouldn't think he wants to, but he's not slowing down at all!
No. 880855 ID: bfb318
File 152478094209.png - (175.75KB , 800x800 , 420.png )

The speeder and possibly soon attempted-murderer brakes, then spins so that he drifts across the street to the side of Khivat, and dodging the ladder completely. with his car facing Villi's place.
No. 880856 ID: bfb318
File 152478095245.png - (182.39KB , 800x800 , 421.png )

No. 880857 ID: 1561e1

Holy shit.
No. 880859 ID: 2d1231

Ante …?!?!
No. 880861 ID: d2e2ce

"Since you're under arrest now, she's pretty far away."
No. 880865 ID: a363ac

give him a ticket
No. 880867 ID: 3abd97

>I forgot that Khivat was a little crazy.
She survived being dumpstered in half, I doubt a car crash would be much worse.

Oh looks like we get to arrest this guy for speeding, stalking, and harassment!

Start by writing him a speeding ticket, no matter how much he complains or yells about Ceo.
No. 880869 ID: 0c3c2c

"You're under arrest for illegally tracking someone's phone, disturbing the peace, speeding, stalking and attempting to ruin a date."

Then kick his ass.
No. 880977 ID: eeb7d9

He deserves a ticket for speeding at least.
No. 881055 ID: ffa7ee

We should read his Miranda Rights though, we could get in big trouble if we don't.

But before that, point to a building that isn't Villi's Bakery.
No. 881101 ID: 214cda

Man, do you guys know anyone who can Suplex a car? Cause now is the -perfect- time for them to show up.
No. 881106 ID: 10e2b3

Quick, check his dick to make sure he's not a Shrek! Actually, have we seen Ante's dick? I don't remember.
No. 881110 ID: f89a72

What is that, a t-shirt? Anyone who's not dressed for business clearly has no business with Ceo.
No. 881154 ID: bfb318
File 152486968541.png - (148.44KB , 800x800 , 422.png )

Not Ante.

>Read him his Miranda rights
Trials are in a weird spot, but just in case he says some incriminating stuff, I should have what he says available for prosecution.

"Hey, you. You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent..."

I continue on as I get my notepad and start writing up a ticket. He gets out of the car.

"What's your name?"
>"Poe Lander, and fine, ticket away!"
"... remember that you're under arrest.
>"... Ceo! I know you're in there!"

I might need to bring Yams out here to give this guy's car a lift to the nearest impound lot.
No. 881155 ID: bfb318
File 152486976826.png - (89.16KB , 800x800 , 423.png )

Villi's upper window opens. Ceo's there, so there goes any plans of misdirecting Poe.

>"Poe I told you to leave me alone!"
>"No, you told me to stop you if you were doing... whatever this is! Wait are you topless?! Oh thank god I thought you were playing magic or something, not just banging someone!"
"Hey, Poe! Stand still, hands behind your back."
>"Ugh, fine, but I'm worried that - "
>"This guy's actually challenging at magic enough to get my shirt off, the lucky, beautiful fucker!"
"I don't know how I keep winning!"

Poe's jaw goes down.

>"Drama club's for highschool, and you're not even in your business suit, slacker! Get outta here before Frillsby kicks your ass!"

Okay now he's actively moving away from me towards the bakery. Gallsby's blocking the door at least.
No. 881157 ID: a363ac

tell Gallsby he is free to restrain this dude if he approaches the building. and that if he does not leave the area you will be putting him in the cop cage.
No. 881158 ID: bb78f2

Enough Poe, despite whatever agreement you and Ceo may have, you don't have permission to aggressively enter this establishment to take her without consent.

Not only that, but people are nude in private quarters in there! Have some decency or we'll bust you for B & E, and that's NOT Bacon and Eggs! This is a donut shop for gods sakes.

Also, she's technically doing business she like, might buy this place or is giving Villi business advice too so like, calm the fuck down and let her have her vice and stop making this scene so goddamn dramatic.
No. 881162 ID: 3abd97

>Okay now he's actively moving away from me towards the bakery. Gallsby's blocking the door at least.
Look man, even if isn't a crime to interrupt strip magic, I still can't let you go in there and harass her.
No. 881163 ID: deec6e


Manhandle Poe, but manhandle him in the direction of the shop so he doesn't fight too hard.

"Mister Poe - please provide me, your nearest local authority, with some context here. WHY would Ceo ever tell you to stop what she clearly enjoys doing? And why would SEX be LESS BAD of a distraction?"
No. 881165 ID: 0c3c2c

I suspect Poe might actually be her husband.

No. 881226 ID: eeb7d9

I knew you could do it you beautiful, sexy goat!
Poe, you fuck, i told you taht you are FUCKING under arrest! That means that if you don't stop FUCKING moving now and put your hands against your FUCKING head, i am going to FUCK you up! And if the fucker keeps ignorng you, fucking suplex him!
No. 881232 ID: 214cda

Suplex him instead of the car. Suplex hin back -into- the car.
No. 881236 ID: 3804c3


OK fine just restrain him and ask what the hell this agreement is then take him and Gallsby back home. Your home. Cause that's the police station.
No. 881381 ID: b52033

Just to confirm, ceo doesn't have magic specifically related to playing magic does she

Because if so that should definitely get looked at
No. 881384 ID: daa216

We should start questioning Poe before we just carry him off. She could be magically dangerous from magic.
No. 881395 ID: 2d1231


It is a match made in the heart of the cards. One we must protect. Private citizens and all that.
No. 881399 ID: 15a025

Doubled. Suplex him back into the car.
No. 881503 ID: bfb318
File 152502445545.png - (105.05KB , 800x800 , 424.png )

"Gallsby you can restrain this guy if he approaches the building!"
>"Poe! We've got questions, so stand still and answer them!"

No good, he's too riled up and not listening at all. He starts running at the bakery. Gallsby assumes some kind of football pose and I run after him, but at the last instant, Poe veers left and at the wall.

Then he jumps up into the wall and runs straight up to the window. This guy might be trouble to catch.

>"Ceo, get yourself toge-"
No. 881504 ID: bfb318
File 152502446211.png - (126.60KB , 800x800 , 425.png )

Ceo's fist launches out of the window.
No. 881505 ID: bfb318
File 152502453885.png - (168.27KB , 900x800 , 426.png )

Gallsby and I catch him and dump him in his car's backseat. The plus side is that I get him in handcuffs the downside is that now it's inappropriate to suplex him. I drive the car to the side of the road and confiscate the keys.

"Okay, then."
>"Frillsby what do we do with runners?"
"Double handcuffs."

I put handcuffs around his ankles. It's not regulation, and maybe we're not even supposed to do that, but it works.

>"You guys, please." Poe says, looking like he might try to jump back out of the car. "She promised me she wouldn't play any magic..."
"Promises aren't legally binding."
>"Also who would promise that?" asks Gallsby.
>"She would after I made her."
>"You made her?"
>"I mean - I didn't threaten her or anything! It's just that she - she has an addictive personality. I've seen this before! She runs out of meetings or something to go play something or whatever, and next thing I know she's just abandoned her business!"
"It sounded like she was doing business with the owner of the bakery."
>"That just means she might throw everything away to start fresh again! I swear, she just likes the growth from nothing, but she keeps losing interest!"
>"... and goes to play magic cards?" Gallsby asks.
>"At least for awhile, but it's the first step! That's why I had to stop her, before she ruins herself again! In fact - that's the thing, in return for promising to me she wouldn't play magic - or collect coins or get into competitive video games - I had to promise that if she did return to any of that stuff, I'd have to stop her by whatever means possible."
"Does she have any magic effects from playing magic?"
>"Uh, no, as far as I'm aware, she doesn't have magic."
No. 881508 ID: 0c3c2c

To be fair, it sounds like she'd enjoy life more as a business consultant than a C.E.O.

Still, have you considered forcing her to set aside a few hours a week to maintain her core business and otherwise having her start new businesses from scratch to merge with her existing corporate enterprise?
No. 881509 ID: 6d6a2c

That's crazy, she's gotta have something! Even the Only Cops on the Force have magic. That magic is antimagic, but still!
No. 881510 ID: 10c408

"...You might want to see about getting her to a therapist to mitigate this problem.

That said, I highly doubt you want to see her naked right now."
No. 881512 ID: 3abd97

Not sure how much we can help you.

There's nothing illegal about neglecting your job to go play a game. And even if it were, an evening playing magic doesn't enter into abandoning job territory yet.

If this is so terrible for her, why'd her sister invite her to come along?
No. 881516 ID: 6bcf97

Well, he fulfilled his side of the promise, and you've fulfilled your implicit promise to uphold the law. If it helps, the cards she's playing with aren't her own cards, so she's not really getting into collecting again, and the game she's playing is basically a ruse to seduce Villi, so she's not really playing the game for its own sake, either. So, she might be technically breaking her promise, but the underlying spirit behind the promise is still holding, that she's not getting into... that kind of behavior. Tell him that and see if it makes him feel better.

It sounds to me like Ceo has some sort of deep psychological need for the feeling of mastering something. Like, she likes the process of becoming the best of something, but doesn't so much like actually BEING the best at something? That would explain the drive towards these kinds of hobbies as well as the habit of abandoning and starting businesses repeatedly. I wonder if it might be some sort of ying-yang effect with her sister? Mayor is always sleepy and low on energy, Ceo has too much energy and craves things she can pour it into? So when she gets good/established at new things they're not hard enough any more so she either gets bored or pushes them too far.

Has she tried diving her attention onto several things at once? Or finding hobbies where it's impossible to put more than a certain amount of attention/effort into it?
No. 881523 ID: bb78f2

Listen, ok, we'll step in if it gets too rough. Her sister is here, granted she's napping, but she can also be backup.

At the same time, this system of promises you have is untenable. She needs a healthy environment to manage her addictions and problems properly, ok, you CAN'T cold turkey competition addiction, that just makes her seek it out, especially challenges like Villi. You're FOSTERING her worst behavior and probably making it even worse.

Also, like, We REALLY want our occasional bisexual or pansexual or unlabeled sexuality shy boytoy to get laid with a lady with REALLY big boobs, and you're NOT cockblocking that.

Cockblocking or Pussyblocking is a crime, unless you're a condom or another crime is involved that requires the blocking.

You're NOT going up there until the date is done, one way or another, and you will not ruin the date or be the cause of it ending.

Ok, now you can shout to Villi and Ceo to not do business stuff until the match is over, and then they have to do any business stuff down stairs.
No. 881539 ID: 4854ef

Her sister invited her along because we asked, she warned us about her to begin with remember?

>"Maybe she can flip the table when you only rotate your card thirty two degrees to tap it. She is the sweetest person until competition is involved, including but not limited to card games, sibling rivalry, and corporate environments. That's going to be the side of her you know if she catches wind you're playing magic. If you like the idea of that, I'll give you her number."
No. 881547 ID: 86eb65

Ok so what you do is relax for now and after those two are done with there games and possibly fucking we all sit down and have a talk.

Maybe she should sell her company and put all the money into a trust that pays a normal wage. Then she can have money to survive and enjoy flitting from one job to anther but still be financially stable.

Maybe she will be fine after I box my cards back up and she has some fun with Villi and fixes his horrible bookkeeping.

Honestly her sister is a narcoleptic mayor so it seems there might be some issues all over the family.

So if you can relax a bit why don't we all go inside and play some cards while we wait for CEO to finish upstairs? We will take off the cuffs and forget charges if you can calm down and stop parkouring all over things ok?
No. 881581 ID: eeb7d9

Maybe she should just stop with the business and dedicate herself on other things. Have you tried that?
No. 881629 ID: a363ac

its not our job to keep businesses running our job is to protect people and be gay.
No. 881770 ID: bfb318
File 152511761733.png - (119.04KB , 800x800 , 427.png )

"Regarding CEO's issues, have you tried - "

>"Everything! A few hours of outlet a day, thoughts of quitting business for good, business consulting..." Poe continues to list off every idea I thought of, and an extra idea for each of those.
"The mayor warned us she could be intense, but she didn't say anything about magic being bad for CEO."
>"I don't think Mayor knows just how extensive the problem is! Ceo knows she has a problem and won't admit it!"
"I'll get Ceo's side of the story, but there's not a single line in the crime book about neglecting one's business to play card games."
>"Neither is cockblocking," Gallsby adds, "but as concerned friends, there's no way we'd let our goat buddy get cockblocked either!"
>"That's nice of you, but I wonder if your friend kn - "
>"Specially not blocked from a girl with big ones!"
>"Officer! As the arrestee, I expect professionalism!"
"Gallsby you're making this weird. Don't make it weird."
>"Oh sorry, I forgot to tell Poe that I'm gay as bent hay, so it's okay for me to point out the... uh...."
"It's not okay, no matter how many things you rhyme with hay. Poe, if Ceo doesn't mind or want to press charges, I'm willing to give you a chance to chill the heck out. Think you can do that and wait patiently for Ceo to finish her game of magic?"
>"I... erg, I guess so."

He has successfully calmed down. He may be more amenable if I take off his handcuffs, but maybe I shouldn't.
No. 881773 ID: 0c3c2c

Do not take off his handcuffs.

Anyway, ask him how he tracked her so easily. Phone tracking?
No. 881774 ID: 86eb65

I am going to take the handcuffs off now. But only if you acknowledge that any further attempts to escape or ruin CEO's night will be met with actual being arrested.

That sound good? Cause we can all go inside and relax for a bit and wait for CEO to wander back downstairs.
No. 881792 ID: 3abd97

>He may be more amenable if I take off his handcuffs, but maybe I shouldn't.
Nah he's still being detained for speeding. Maybe you can let him off, but you should at least confirm that Mayor or Ceo know him and he's not just a crazy stalker spinning a sympathetic story first.

At least look up his driver's licensee and make sure it's legit and stuff.
No. 881793 ID: 64049d

Oh... I see, we aren't taking the anklecuffs off...
No. 881806 ID: daa216

Handcuffs off. Ankle cuffs on. Ask him if he wants a bagel.
No. 881978 ID: bfb318
File 152521168785.png - (195.30KB , 800x800 , 428.png )

"I'll take your handcuffs off, but I'm leaving your anklecuffs on."
>"I'd rather the opposite, if that's fine."
>"Heck no!" says Gallsby. "You're a parkour villain!"
>"I'm going to look at your driver's license and registration, Poe. Then we'll go in and have a bagel."

I spend a moment checking those. They're up to date and in order. Gallsby and I help him out of his car without handcuffs, and we start carrying him to the bakery since he can't walk like this.

Ceo's watching us, with her shirt on.

>"Hey, Ceo! He's not just spinning a sympathic story about broken promises and stuff, is he?!"
>"About how I promised him I'd cut off doing stuff like this and if I didn't that he'd come stop me? Yeah it's true, so I don't want to press charges or anything! Just keep him from interrupting, this is the best game of magic I've had in a long time!"
>"What do you mean a long time?!" Poe asks. "I thought it was a long time - "
>"Oh shut up Poe I mean way before I quit! Now lemme be! Oh and don't go talking about my problems in the bakery!"
No. 881979 ID: bfb318
File 152521173259.png - (143.97KB , 800x800 , 429.png )

>"My sister might wake up and hear about all this and I don't want her to be all concerned-sister about me!"
No. 881980 ID: b1b4f3

"Yes that would be terrible luck wouldn't it."
No. 881985 ID: 86eb65

Hey Villi got any energy drinks in the cooler?
No. 881986 ID: 3abd97

>Ceo's watching us, with her shirt on.
That better be because she found some way to increase her life points!

...or be because she swapped a missing top for a missing bottom, keeping her clothes loss the same.

Don't worry that could only happen if some karma-enforcing magic power interfered.
No. 881990 ID: 6bcf97

"I wouldn't be surprised if she already knows, Ceo, even if it's just from the shouting! Get back to your game and worry about it later, don't let us interrupt you and Villi's fun!"
No. 881991 ID: 10c408

Ohh boy, she looks really pissed.

Slowly shuffle away, all sneaky like.
No. 881992 ID: 91ee5f

You’ve still gotta write a ticket for speeding. Make sure you stick it in his pants pocket for him.

Isn’t that Mayor right there?

Shout to Ceo, “I think she already knows!” while pointing at Mayor.
No. 881995 ID: deec6e


All you wanted was a fun night out playing magic between friends. It sounds like that's what Ceo wants, too, except she tends to take it way too far and hares off during critical junctures to do so. So now you're dealing with this.

Tell Ceo not to worry about it, you've got this. Gesture for Mayor to go back inside - starting a shouting match from the window won't solve anything and will just annoy, amuse or confuse passersbys. Bring Poe in, buy everyone a bagel and have someone go get Mayor one or two energy drinks - she'll need 'em. I'm not sure Ceo's experienced her sister on energy drinks before, so that should be interesting later.

Sit down to discuss the matter of Ceo's 'off time' like responsible adults dealing with an irresponsible one. Mind that it is not YOUR responsibility to deal with Ceo's irresponsibility - not as a police officer, at least - but Poe appears to have vested interest in doing so as her friend/associate and Mayor's her family and will, probably rightly, be concerned and exasperated enough to want to take some manner of action. Your skin in the game is to oversee the completion of the fun game night without any more crazy drivers, shouting matches, angry phone calls or personal problems interrupting it.

First off, if literally everything has been tried, then there is very little you can do about Ceo's issues directly. If she really needs and wants - at least when she's not 'in the zone' - a chaperone to keep her in line, then you don't mind that and won't get in Poe's way in the future - assuming he doesn't break the law like a screaming maniac.

If Ceo's business is literally falling apart without her even for just an evening, does Mayor have the skills and wherewithal to possibly handle a few of the issues they're having on her sister's behalf, or is that Ceo's cross to bear entirely? You're just thinking of a stopgap measure for today, you don't expect her to handle her sister's business - literally - in the future, but it would be a nice card to hold over her sister. "While you were head-over-heels gaming, I saved your business. Straighten your act." type guilting stuff, etc. Who knows, doesn't sound like that's been tried before.

In the future, you can be amenable to insist that Ceo take her calls and not just ignore her responsibilities as a business owner. You were just trying to facilitate a game evening and had no idea the problem was, apparently, this extensive. You also do not want to get Villi in trouble by having Ceo take such an interest in his store that she makes it her next thing to succeed-fail at.
No. 881999 ID: 0c3c2c

"Hi mayor."
No. 882136 ID: a363ac

"hi Mayor"
No. 882146 ID: eeb7d9

Yeah, don't worry about it, i sure that she is ju- Oh, hi Mayor. Did you enjoyed your beauty nap?
Because you don't look like you did.
No. 882147 ID: ffa7ee

Maybe she didn't hear us.
No. 882162 ID: d2e2ce

Be sure to get Mayor, Ceo, and maybe Villi some Intellifuck, just in case.
No. 882352 ID: bfb318
File 152537836098.png - (111.97KB , 800x800 , 430.png )

"Hi, Mayor."

We go inside, and Gallsby and I sit Poe down at one of the corner tables.

"You don't look like you enjoyed your nap, Mayor."
>"I loved my nap, then I woke up."
"How much did you hear?"
>"Hey." says Gallsby. "What if Poe fulfilled his promise to keep Ceo from doing that, except he didn't act like a screaming lunatic while doing so?"
>"I kind of have to!" says Poe. "I mean, yes, I didn't have to, you know..."

He faces me, finishing writing the speeding ticket.

>"But I'd have to physically keep her from acting out, and I'm pretty sure that's against the law?"
>"Yeah... and I don't think Mayor is willing to step in to save the business during one of Ceo's episodes."
>"You're right." says Mayor. "It's a terrible idea. Even if I wanted to bail her out, she runs it like a screaming lunatic. I wouldn't know how to fix it any better than Poe."
>"But I've tried everything!"
>"Have you tried - "

Mayor glares at Poe. Poe looks back at her like he just overstepped a line.

>"Hahaaa!" I hear Ceo from upstairs. "Strip 'em, goat!"

>"Have you tried therapy?" Mayor says, louder.
>"Yes, sorry." Poe continues. "She refuses, of course."
>"Then have you tried dragging her irresponsible butt to a therapist, since you're clearly not above force?"
>"That sounds extra-super-illegal?"
>"Then I'll have Frillsby and Gallsby do it."
>"Oh no!" says Gallsby. "What if Villi's signing his business away for Ceo to succeed-fail at?!"
>"I suppose," Mayor says, "that we should go and make sure - "
No. 882353 ID: bfb318
File 152537841825.png - (191.07KB , 800x800 , 431.png )

There was a creak coming from the ceiling under where Villi's room is.


>"Actually, whatever they're doing has to be recognized by a valid governmential entity before anything becomes official. Villi could sign his life away and it won't be legally binding until reviewed. We can wait."

Last I checked, Villi doesn't keep energy drinks around here.




No. 882354 ID: bfb318
File 152537842758.png - (115.61KB , 800x800 , 432.png )



No. 882355 ID: bfb318
File 152537844090.png - (160.15KB , 800x800 , 433.png )



No. 882356 ID: bfb318
File 152537846935.png - (153.37KB , 800x800 , 434.png )



No. 882357 ID: bfb318
File 152537852049.png - (129.31KB , 800x800 , 435.png )




>"Hey wanna play magic, Poe?" asks Gallsby.
>"Oh god yes please anything right now."
No. 882360 ID: a363ac

hit the ceiling with a broom
No. 882369 ID: 91ee5f

>"Actually, whatever they're doing has to be recognized by a valid governmential entity before anything becomes official. Villi could sign his life away and it won't be legally binding until reviewed. We can wait."
So basically Mayor is saying that she has to review whatever’s being signed and approve it before it becomes legally binding, right?

>Last I checked, Villi doesn't keep energy drinks around here.
But do you know if he still has any of those magical anti-sleeping donuts? Those might help. As long as you or Gallsby don’t touch them and remove the magic.

Is there a radio or something we can turn on? The music might help drown out what’s going on up there.
No. 882371 ID: 4af093

So tell us Poe, has anything like this ever happened before? Cause if not this may be a new angle to problem.
No. 882372 ID: eeb7d9

I mean, is not like we didn't knew this was going to happen. Just going to have to wait it out. SOMEHOW. Wanna play magic?
This was the idea in the first place. Well, maybe an excuse to organise the decs, but now they might be anything else but organised.

Did somebody notice how the goat is slowlly fucking everyone?
No. 882376 ID: 10c408

Park Poe's car at the front of the store, crank that radio up to the point that no one in the store can hear the frisky business upstairs.

Music type doesn't really matter, so I'm gonna suggest rock.
No. 882378 ID: 6bcf97

That's an awfully steady rhythm, but I guess it's alright since I have to assume Ceo's on top. Of things. Can you characterize the creak more? Is it like, the floor that's creaking above the ceiling, or some piece of furniture up there? Because the former would be kind of odd.
No. 882382 ID: 0c3c2c

"....So think this will get her to behave more sane?"
No. 882395 ID: 3abd97

Turn on some music or something, and then try to distract poor Mayor. It's bad enough she has to put up with her sister upstaging her without having to listen to her sister boinking the goat!

Maybe check out her sorting job. How well did sleepy mayoral OCD manage?
No. 882404 ID: deec6e

Woo hoo, you go, Villi!

Time to play Magic with the Mayor. Offer her a round. It's that or you start brushing up on your psychoanalysis.

"Well, as long as I'm dragging your sister to a therapist later, perhaps we can get a head start. Your childhood must've been fascinating. Was it trying to keep up with her back then that's left you so tired all the time now?"
No. 882419 ID: 86eb65

So Poe how do you know CEO? A friend? A family member? A coworker?

Also this shop just creaks all the time like someone is wildly fucking upstairs. Villi is getting it looked at.
No. 882434 ID: 214cda

There is a perfectly good window from which we could be watching their illicit trade transations!
No. 882476 ID: 518e29

This is clearly a misunderstanding and you to look to clear their names.
No. 882739 ID: 15a025

Sounds like a nervous goat shaking up there. You should head up stairs and make sure this isn't another weird mis-understanding.
No. 882741 ID: b1b4f3

Don't go up there, jeez.
No. 883826 ID: bfb318
File 152606632766.png - (155.34KB , 800x800 , 436.png )

>So basically Mayor is saying that she has to review whatever’s being signed and approve it before it becomes legally binding, right?

>Magical anti-sleeping donuts?
Villi's donuts aren't magical. His reaction to donut is the magic.

I put some music on with my phone.

>"This doesn't happen often, I wonder what happened with that guy..." says Poe.
>"Well obviously this bakery just creaks sometimes. Creaks like someone's fucking." says Gallsby, dealing it. I should change the subject.
"How'd you know Ceo?"
>"We were students in business together."
"Mayor, want to play a round of magic?"

Her stack of sorted cards seems sorted, so she managed.

"So. Childhood with Ceo. Is that why you're so tired now?"
>"I was always tired, but she did drag me everywhere. And if I was too tired, she'd carry me."

I eye the maintenance closet, thinking of ideas, because I can still hear the creaks through the music no matter how loud it plays.

Khivat notices where I look, and somehow I know that she thought of the same idea I did.
No. 883827 ID: bfb318
File 152606633658.png - (120.51KB , 800x800 , 437.png )

She grabs a broom and starts hitting the ceiling.

"OH GOD Ceo I forgot the floor creaks!"
>"Who the hell cares?!"
"Everyone down there because that's my broom!"
>"How can you tell?!"
"It's a special broom!"
>"Fine, we'll use the bed!"
"That's even worse!"
No. 883828 ID: bfb318
File 152606636155.png - (132.35KB , 800x800 , 438.png )





The creaks continue. I turn the music up but that just makes it sound like the creaks are part of the music.

The more we try to ignore the creaks, the more they force our attention on them. Except for Gallsby, who's started to trashtalk Poe while losing.

Then, a moment of silence, followed by a rapid, uneven series of creaks.

>"May as well be up there watching..." mutters Mayor.

There's silence, finally, so I turn the music back down.
No. 883829 ID: bfb318
File 152606640074.png - (109.91KB , 800x800 , 439.png )

We continue playing magic in peace, finally.

At the end of the game between myself and Mayor, she speaks.

>"It's quiet up there. Too quiet. I'm going to check in on them."
No. 883830 ID: 14e348

Ok but a police officer will have to accompany you to make sure you're not just perving on poor Villi. And you have to make sure to be stealthy enough to not disturb them!
No. 883832 ID: a363ac

Villi just likes to cuddle we slept with him before. Your sister is probably smoking a cigarette while he rubs his face into her thats all
No. 883833 ID: 6d6a2c

She can check on Ceo, you can check on Villi, it's a team effort checking on them. Have Khivat keep everyone else down here, since everyone trying to peek in would probably be rude.
No. 883834 ID: 91ee5f

>"It's quiet up there. Too quiet. I'm going to check in on them."
Go with her and say, “A government official such as yourself should have a police escort.....and I agree with you, it’s too quiet.”
No. 883840 ID: 0c3c2c

Yeah, take Frillsby with you.

Then you can come back and swap out for Gallsby so he can watch too.
No. 883842 ID: 3abd97

You know they're probably fine and you're going to regret walking in on them, right?
No. 883843 ID: 86eb65

Its to late to deny that you are a pervert. You already said you might as well watch.

So we will go with you.
No. 883844 ID: 214cda

"regret" and "foursome" rarely go together.
No. 883848 ID: eeb7d9

Alright, Mayor pervert, i'll go with you, because i want to check on the goat. I can't lie, i am pretty proud of him.
No. 883849 ID: daa216

Tell the mayor it is probably post fucking rest. Give it a few moments.
No. 883946 ID: 2d1231


are you sure you want to do that? Like, really sure?

Are you prepared deep down in your soul to see what's up there?
No. 883968 ID: 1561e1

If you're really going to go up there bring them some water too.
No. 883976 ID: 214cda

its just her sister and a naked goat. She probably wants in on the action. Frillsby should go with her.
No. 883979 ID: bfb318
File 152615614881.png - (115.09KB , 800x800 , 440.png )

"I'll get some water and escort you."
>"Is that necessary?"
"To make sure you aren't perving on them."
>"One of them's my sister."
"You can check in on her, I'll check in on Villi."
>"Oh fine."

We go up and Mayor knocks. It's the quiet kind of knock. It's a knock that doesn't say 'someone's at the door', it's a knock that says 'please don't notice me so I can come in.'

They might be resting though, so I don't call her out on it. It's quiet in there and no one answers, so we open the door.
No. 883980 ID: bfb318
File 152615616397.png - (124.86KB , 800x800 , 441.png )

They're resting on the bed after all, but Villi looks less like he's having an after-sex nap and more like he needs a dramatic rescue.
No. 883981 ID: a363ac

tell mayor to "shut the door" watch Villi's hope drain from his eyes, then go in and help him.
No. 883984 ID: d2e2ce

Seems good.
No. 883985 ID: 3abd97

Give Villi a thumbs up and some kind of reassuring it'll be fine gesture, then shut the door on them.
No. 883986 ID: 14e348

I dunno, that looks to me like he could just be restraining himself from his natural goatscreaming reaction to your perving on them so that Ceo isn't disturbed. In fact if you look at him the right way he even looks a little angry! That one's new.

Or it just could be "oh man I want to get back to work but it'd be rude gimme an excuse".

Say, did we ever find out what Ceo's magic was?
No. 883987 ID: b1b4f3

"Hey Villi there's a customer asking for you"
No. 883988 ID: 214cda

He's just worried about how sore he's gonna be tomorrow if Ceo wakes up and they both join in.
No. 883996 ID: 0c3c2c

Looks faintly angry? I can't tell, he has goat eyes.
No. 884004 ID: bfb318
File 152616094674.png - (96.51KB , 800x800 , 442.png )

>"Why did you shut the door?"
"That face has a few possibilities, so I thought I'd see how he'd react to the door closing."
>"Good idea, if you found anything."
"Yeah, he mouthed 'help me' as I did it."
>"Oh. Let's rescue him, then."
"We should. By the way, what magic does Ceo have?"
>"She permanently sucks my energy and uses it for herself."


>"You know, I said that as a joke, but... nevermind. Let's save that goat."
No. 884005 ID: bfb318
File 152616095933.png - (150.51KB , 800x800 , 443.png )

I go back in since Villi's eyes have probably drained of hope by now.

"Hey Villi, you look like there's a customer down there waiting for you."
"Oh gosh is there?!"
"Good but I still spent a long time from work and I'm starting to get the work-itch again."
>"So why don't you get up?"
"Ceo's sound asleep, but..."

Villi pulls the blanket over Ceo since it was slipping down. Ceo responds by snuggling him.

>"Oh, right." says Mayor. "She's a sleep-cuddler."
"It's cute!" says Villi. "And really inconvenient for me! I mean she's not holding that tight, I could get out, but I don't want to wake her up."
No. 884007 ID: 86eb65

Oh man you two are made for each other. One crazy business lady who cant stop working and one crazy business goat who cant stop working.

Man if only you were a cop! Cause we are on the job 24/7 whether we want to be or not.

Anyways where do you want the wedding to be held?
No. 884008 ID: a363ac

Mayor go on the other side and hug your sister then when I pull Villi out she will cuddle you
No. 884010 ID: f3fe9b

While you're in there, take all the magic cards. How'd the game go BTW?
No. 884013 ID: 0c3c2c

This is a job for MAYOR. Get her to hug Ceo and then extricate Villi.
No. 884015 ID: 3cc68c

So Mayor do you think CEO would find Villi's work ethic super sexy? Or would she prefer he cuddle her in return?
No. 884017 ID: 10c408

just tap on vili's door, ask if they're okay. Don't barge in on them.
No. 884018 ID: 6d6a2c

Better that she's a sleep cuddler than a sleep pillow-eater. Villi should definitely cuddle for a bit, though. There's plenty of people downstairs that can handle the shop. Workaholism isn't an excuse to improperly treat a lady, after all.
No. 884023 ID: 14e348

Obviously you need to do an indiana-jones type switcheroo. You just need something warm, cuddly and goat-sized.
No. 884024 ID: bfb318
File 152616796653.png - (133.41KB , 800x800 , 444.png )

"What do you think, Mayor, do you think Ceo would find Villi's work ethic sexy, or would she prefer cuddling?"
>"Are you kidding? Villi, did you mention you work all the time?"
"I... I did! And... now that I think about it, we were in the middle of a magic match, but she got a weird look in her eye when I mentioned my work schedule like she might leap over the table! I was afraid she'd yell at me about working all the time but uh..."
>"That's probably the reason why she went after you." Mayor continues.
"M-maybe, but... I actually lost at the best 2 of 3 in magic, but it was so close, and... she got really riled up."
"I think you two were made for each other."
>"Maybe." says Mayor. "But only if she chills the hell out and learns how to work with others."
"What about Poe?"
>"Poe chases after Ceo putting out the fires she leaves in her wakes. They're a great team, but not because of their teamwork."
"S-so um... about this...?"
"Right. But really, Villi, pushing Ceo away to get to work?"
"W-well, in hindsight, I think she'd like the idea of me pulling away from her to work maybe?"
"Alright. Mayor, can you swap out Villi for yourself?"
>"So when she wakes up, she'll expect Villi, but get me?"
"Is that a problem?"
>"A problem? That's perfect. I won't accept anything else after that idea."

Mayor gets behind Ceo, slowly. Ceo sleeps heavily, but Mayor is still careful until she finally gets in a resting position. She then spoons Ceo, and Villi gradually edges his way off the bed as Ceo rolls onto her other side to cuddle mayor.

It must have taken five minutes, but we succeed.

>"Alright, let us get some sleep." whispers Mayor.
No. 884025 ID: bfb318
File 152616797843.png - (150.99KB , 800x800 , 445.png )

"You'd make a good cop with that 24/7 work schedule you aim for."
"I bet there's more to being a cop than just being on duty all the time! Thanks for saving me back there, I owe you one! So uh... anything going on right now or...?"
No. 884026 ID: 91ee5f

Frillsby, make sure the candles are put out and the lights are turned off. And if there are curtains in front of the window, pull them closed.

>So uh...anything going on right now or...?
No, nothing’s going on.

We could just go downstairs and continue playing magic or we could go downstairs and Villi can go back to work, while everyone else continues playing magic.
No. 884027 ID: 91ee5f

Also, make sure Villi is fully clothed before he absentmindedly walks downstairs half naked.
No. 884030 ID: 3abd97

>>"She permanently sucks my energy and uses it for herself."
Lewd, Mayor.

>I bet there's more to being a cop than just being on duty all the time!
Yeah there's also smash and magic.

>So uh... anything going on right now or...?
Dunno, let's go down and see.
No. 884031 ID: 0c3c2c

No. 884032 ID: b1b4f3

No, unless he means card games.
No. 884036 ID: 14e348

"Probably card games. But as an officer of the law I should tell you to have a shower or something before you go back to any food preparation area. So, did you and Ceo have fun? All satisfactory? You know most of the time when a floor creaks it's specific spots. You could have tried move around."
No. 884047 ID: 86eb65

Well while you were fucking we had about 30 customers. We ran out of donuts early on so Gallsby has been in the kitchen cooking up some more. Turns out claw hands are not the best for delicate cooking work. But he insisted.

Most of the customers fled after getting served Gallsby's horror donuts while having to listen to the creaking.

Oh yeah and the health inspector stopped by. I think you have a few fines and possible a permit or two revoked after he wandered in on Gallsby teabagging the dough in the kitchen.
No. 884049 ID: 15a025

More Card games?
No. 884054 ID: f09905

We’ll first get down stairs and get a camera for this image.
No. 884058 ID: 1561e1

Mess with him but don't overmess with him. If he hasn't put his shirt on don't remind him to. Tell him about the speeding ticket you had to give
No. 884059 ID: a363ac

image being the sleep hug.
No. 884060 ID: eeb7d9

I am the only one that thinks that Mayor has a thing with her sister? Not necessarily sexual, more platonic actually, but still, kind of weird?
No. 884101 ID: 2d1231


Deets. All of them.

Just kidding, get those pants on and come play more Magic with us.
No. 884115 ID: bb126e

Tell him he could use a dish scrubbing.
No. 884448 ID: bfb318
File 152641170530.png - (143.38KB , 800x800 , 446.png )

Villi puts on a shirt of his own accord. Unfortunately for lewd eyes, Villi hasn't become such a degenerate baker as to work with no shirt on.

"Cops also have smash and magic duties. Also, you need a dish scrubbing."
"Wh-what? But I just..."
"You need a shower."
"Oh, right! Y-yeah, I do, but I'm going to use the downstairs shower, so..."
"Okay, while you were fucking, we had 30 customers."
"Gallsby's making donuts."
"He can do that?!"
"The health inspector came by."
"When did this town get a health inspector?!"

"O-oh, you're joking! Y-you scared me for a second..."
"Gallsby trying to cook is pretty scary, true. You didn't forget anything in there, did you?"
"Lights are off, candles are off, uhhh...."
"Is something wrong?"
"Nnooo, I just realized there's two girls sleeping in my bed, now. And sisters."
"Yes that is a fact and a true one at that. Good job, Villi, but we're not taking a picture of those two."
"I-I never! It's just like a weird... a-anyway, let's play magic!"
"Good call."
No. 884449 ID: bfb318
File 152641171968.png - (187.16KB , 800x800 , 447.png )

>"Details, Villi!" Gallsby yells.
"She's a good cuddler and I won't say anything more!"
>"I meant how'd the card game go, Villi! Don't be so lewd wow!"
"No no no I-I didn't mean! That is, the card game went - it was close but I just lost!"
"I really didn't mean to have my head in the gutter!
"Villi don't be fooled he absolutely was asking about the sex, no matter how much plausible deniability he throws at you."
"Um, actually, about card games... I want to get good at them. Magic I mean. Do you have any advice? Training techniques? Magic school? That kind of stuff that I can do while at the register?"
No. 884453 ID: 14e348

Gallsby have you been helping yourself to Villi's produce? That's theft. And they can't have been a gift because that would be a bribe.
No. 884458 ID: 86eb65

Play a lot with friends. Play a whole lot with friends.

Oh and there are plenty of nice online places and youtubers that talk about the game.
No. 884459 ID: 91ee5f

“Gallsby, did you pay for those donuts or did you steal them? If you stole them, then I can’t believe that my partner is a dirty cop! I’m going to have to arrest you and take away your badge! Which is unfortunate, since that will leave me as the only cop in town.”
No. 884461 ID: b1b4f3

Cmon guys, he obviously paid for them.

Anyway, give Villi some advice I guess. Explain some of the current meta and show him some common combos.
No. 884463 ID: 86eb65

Oh yeah at the register stuff. Read all the cards and remember what they do. Then you will know how they work quickly during a game.
No. 884464 ID: 91ee5f

How? Gallsby doesn’t keep money with him because he tears it up with his claws. Frillsby is the one that usually carries the money and buys things that Gallsby wants.
No. 884471 ID: 4b9748

Pay for gallsby's donuts and get some more fresh baked sounds awesome right now and you could get the first batch
No. 884548 ID: 3abd97

Learn as many cards as you can and practice? Sorry, I'm not sure there's any magic way to play magic.
No. 884593 ID: ffa7ee


Ok to be good at magic, don't play magic. Play Yugioh.

To be good at that, just run whatever deck is good at the moment, and be prepared for Konami to screw that deck over.
No. 884594 ID: ffa7ee

(Hit reply to early, sorry)
Deck types I recommend are Trickstars, or Odd Eyes Magicians.
No. 884620 ID: bfb318
File 152649925374.png - (134.29KB , 800x800 , 448.png )

"There's no magic way to train for magic. The best way is to just play with friends. You can also read all the cards and remember what they do at the register."
"There isn't like... special training magic courses?"
"There isn't. You could do research I guess and learn the best meta decks."
"Don't, uh, wizards nerf meta decks as soon as they get too powerful?"
"Not often. Standard only has about a half dozen banned cards."
"Oh! That's much different than yugioh."

I look in the cash register. I see that Gallsby did pay for these donuts like a model cop and citizen, judging by the bills in here that look like they were handled with teeth.

>"Why do you want to get good at magic Villi?" asks Gallsby.
>"Why do you want to impress Ceo so much?"
"W-wellll... I need to take a shower!
>"Youuuu like herrr!"
"W-well I like everyone in this room too!"
No. 884621 ID: bfb318
File 152649927018.png - (190.42KB , 800x800 , 449.png )

Villi runs away to take a shower. I start prepping a deck to play with, when I hear a noise upstairs about 15 minutes later.

>"These aren't goat hands!"

I hear some movements from upstairs, shortly followed by stomping coming downstairs.

>"This town's Mayor is one smug prankster! The warmth I've had was a lie! Where's Villi at?"
>"Ce-" Poe starts.
>"Not a word, Poe!" Gallsby says, keeping him from leaving his seat.
No. 884625 ID: b1b4f3

Tell her Villi was itching to get back to work, so right now he's taking a shower.
No. 884626 ID: 86eb65

If you want to join him in the shower its over that way.

He seems quite taken with you.
No. 884628 ID: deec6e


Stress test her attraction to Villi. Smile, and gesture for her to have a seat by a table, pick out two new decks of cards.

"He's in the shower. Care for a new game while we wait?"

If she declines and heads straight for the showers, she's real into him, too... and someone probably needs to step in-between and guide her back to Magic game match, because there's coming on hard, and there's coming on too hard. Villi's too nice and into her to turn Ceo away, and if we want to avoid a broken business/heart situation later on, we'll probably want to have a bit of a chat with Ceo about what motivates her.

If she accepts/when she gets guided back, turn the Magic game into a conversation about her business (I mean, what is/was it, in the first place?) and what she plans to do now, and whether Poe burning rubber into town is going to be a repeat thing if she gets invited over for fun relaxing game nights. Don't sound like you blame her overmuch, just be casually curious-like.

Remember to give her back her phone.
No. 884629 ID: eeb7d9

Yeah, this is a good plan.
No. 884632 ID: bb78f2

Secretly whisper to Gallsby that if Ceo isn't the sharing type you've both probably lost your favorite new boytoy.
No. 884633 ID: 0c3c2c

Villi's in the shower, thinking about how to become better at magic so he can impress you.
No. 884634 ID: 91ee5f

No. 884635 ID: 3abd97

He got panicky over being away from the counter for too long so he went to take a shower to clean up.
No. 884638 ID: 08c5fd

"He's a workaholic so he's in the shower so he can be allowed into a food preparation area again. You'd better do the same. It's the law."
No. 884641 ID: 3e59db

He left to go play competitive yugioh. He was dissatisfied with your screwing, so he went to get screwed over by Kinami.

But in all seriousness, he's in the shower.
No. 884644 ID: a363ac

you didn't work him hard enough he had to go work himself in the shower.
No. 884759 ID: bfb318