>>872194
Insult its pile of gold! And its club!
Don't insult its appearance because honestly you can't judge.

>ichor
Yeah, they probably added that so people didn't cheese it like that.
>>872204
Yeah, that dinky weapon's nothing compared to a full-fledged warhammer.

>>872194
That's because she's planning on snatching the loot and leaving you out to hang. Rat on her at the last second so she's forced to defend herself.

>>872194
"TROLL! YOU'RE TAIL IS SMALL!"

>>872194
Tell Xi that if she tries to steal the loot and leave you here to fight troll by yourself, you’re going to give away her position so that the troll will know that she’s behind it, which will force her to help you fight the troll.

Kaktus 2018/03/13(Tue)05:20 No. 873231 ID: 65a774
File 152094361980.png - (69.68KB , 700x550 , 97.png )

>Tell Xi that if she tries to steal the loot and leave you here to fight troll by yourself, you’re going to give away her position.
“Whaaa? Don’t you trust me?”
>…not with gold, no.
“Aw, come on… Fine! I swear on my drone’s life that I won’t steal all the gold. Happy now?”
>Why, yes.

>Insult its pile of gold! And its club!
’What puny bird say!?’
>I said your gold pile is very tiny! And so is your club!
’Puny bird hurt feelings! Troll angry now!’
>Your mother smells of elderberries!
’RAAW! TROLL SMASH PUNY BIRD!’
>AH CRAP!

While barely dodging the massive club of the troll, you spot Xi sneaking up behind it. Of course, instead of actually helping you she instead starts to loot all the gold… that little…

>Look behind you! She’s trying to steal all your gold!
’HAW HAW! Puny bird think troll dumb? Troll not fall for that!’
>Dammit! Xi, you promised!
“I promised not to take ALL the gold! I’m leaving a coin or two for-”
’WHAT! INSECT STEALING TROLL GOLD! TROLL SMASH!’
“Oh right, I kind of forgot about-”

*CRUCH!*

Player “AwesomeBug” is in critical condition! Heal her immediately or she will die!

’HAHA! PUNY INSECT NO MATCH FOR TROLL!’
>Well, crap…
’Now… What troll do before smashing insect? Troll forget.’

At least the troll seems to have forgotten that you’re even here…

Hit the troll's weak point for massive damage and viscerally cringe-inducing status effects

>>873237
Various points that could count as a weakpoint. I'd say go for the elbow of the arm holding the club, but be ready for his other arm to come swinging.

>>873231
Convince him that you were recruiting him for your band.

>>873231
Heal the bug immediately.

Tell him he was chasing after the puny bird that insulted your gold! He went that way.

Spam the 'revive' button on Xi so she does a little dance on the ground and laugh at her misfortune before getting her up.

>>873231
>Xi almost killed
If you ever get a chance, either after you revive her or you both die and exit the game, tell her that you warned her.

And next time, she should make sure the troll is dead before she tries to steal all the loot for herself.

>>873266
>Roll Diplomacy

Backstabber or no, you need to revive Xi for this plan to work.

>>873231
maintain position behind him and wisper ideas in his head imitate his voice
:troll remember going to go outside find food come back at night(or dawn)" i dont know what time it is whay ever get him to leave for a few hours while you take all the gold and THEN heal awesome bug

Kaktus 2018/03/16(Fri)07:01 No. 873993 ID: 65a774
File 152120888740.png - (88.95KB , 700x550 , 98.png )

>Roll Diplomacy.
Now where did you put the dice…?

>Hey, Troll!
’Huh!? Puny bird talk with troll?’
>You were chasing after that puny bi- puny lizard that insulted your gold pile!
’…I did?’
>He ran that way! If you’re quick you might still catch him!
’But… troll need to protect pile. If troll-’
>He also said your club was small!
’RAWR! TROLL SMASH PUNY LIZARD!’

And with that, you’ve vanquished the evil troll by… asking it to go away? You have a feeling no bards will sing any epics of this battle anytime soon.

>Spam the 'revive' button on Xi so she does a little dance on the ground and laugh at her misfortune before getting her up.
Sadly, with this new way of playing, funny things like that don’t exist anymore. You guess it’s good for immersion?
>Heal the bug immediately.
You charge your hands with your healing skill and cast “Lay on hands” on the biggest wound you find on her. A soothing light engulfs her as all her wounds disappear from her body…
“Whoa… I thought I was a goner there for a second… thanks?”
>I’m here to aid you, ma’am.
“…you can remove your hand from my abdomen now, dork.”
>Oh, sorry. It’s just… that were was you were the most hurt.
“Yes, of course it was.”

>Tell her that you warned her.
“I thought the troll wouldn’t notice me… but then I had to open my big mandibles, didn’t I?”
>You didn’t predict your own stupidity, did you.
“Yeah… I did myself in there a bit…”

As Xi tries to stand up, she stumbles quite a bit before almost falling over. It seems like she’s still dazed from her near virtual death experience.

“So… um… split the remaining gold, 50/50?”
>Or I can just loot everything while you’re still dazed.
“Aw, come on… have some mercy on a poor gal…”
>Hmm…
“This is a date, after all…”

I get the shiny half, and you get the half covered in troll viscera.

>>873994
tis only fair, I mean she did bleed for her half of the pile so she can get the bloody half.

>>873994
Sounds logical.

>>873993
60/40 going her way.
Because we're cool like that.

If that's a good enough split for The Good The Bad and The Ugly, It's a good enough split for us. Be sure to pull a '500 for you, 500 for me, 500 for you' trick when you're divvying up the loot, and claim first dibs on any magic items.

Kaktus 2018/03/18(Sun)13:41 No. 874376 ID: 65a774
File 152140566464.png - (69.04KB , 700x550 , 99.png )

>…I guess it’s only fair. You did bleed for your half of the pile, after all.
“Yeah, that’s right, it’s-”
>So I’ll grab the shiny part and you’ll get the one covered with troll… um… wait, that’s your blood, isn’t it?
“Err… y-yeah…”
>So yes, you get that part. Deal?
“… … …I can’t really say no… also… ew?”

Reluctantly, Xi picks up her share of the gold. Try as she might, she isn’t able to get the blood off from it, so she simply have to try and pick it up without getting blood all over herself… which she fails at horribly, mostly because you remind her that the troll might come back at any moment. Luckily, you’re long gone by the time you hear its cry of rage over you stealing its treasure.

As you venture on, you arrive at the castle of evil or whatever. It’s clear that it’s filled with all kind of traps and monsters, but there’s no other way than forward. You simply have to brave whatever this game can throw at you… and try to pick more gold than Xi can while doing so.

Finally, after many hardships and what seems like hours of adventure, you finally enter the large throne room of the last boss. What was his name again? Cage or something? Of course, after all this there’s still one major problem remaining. Xi is in the lead when it comes to the gold count. You need to do something or she’ll win the bet for cer-

Ah! You have finally entered my lair! I, THE GREAT CAIN, DEFILER OF ALL THAT IS-
Quick, Xi, check what his weakness is!
Err… the quest log doesn’t say.
Soon, when the last evil soul is finally released, I will conquer the whole-
What? But… then how are we…?
Um… I guess we were supposed to listen at the start after all? Ops?
As long as no one expose me to my one weakness, which is-
Dammit Xi!
Aw, come on… you can’t blame me for wanting to skip all this boring dialog when we’re on a time limit.
Aren’t you going to listen to what I have to say? A poor writer spent hours going through-
It was only a minute or two!
A minute or two we could use killing skeletons!
STOP IGNORING ME YOU TAFFERS OR I’LL-
Fine, fine… any other ideas?
Well… um… maybe if… err…
THAT’S IT! EVERONE DIES! TASTE THE POWER OF MY ULTIMATE ATTACK!
Arg! He’s attacking! Quick, Vic, do something!
Err…

Your Attacks:
Warhammer bash!
Holy magic!
Healing magic!

Xi’s Attacks:
Fire magic!
Ice magic!
Electrical magic!

Items:
Potion of healing x 3
Bottle of water x 1
Bottle of blood x 1 (Why did we even pick this up?)
A Red herring x 1
Pendant of MacGuffin x 1
Disc one nuke button x 1
Deus ex Machina x 1
Diablos ex Machina x 666
Knowledge of the Nu scratch point x 1
The one item required to defeat Cain the defiler (At least, that’s what it says on the box.) x 1
Bug net x 1
Fishing pole x 1
Empty glass bottle x 1

You need to act now or Cain will surely unmake you and Xi with his attack!

>>874376
>As long as no one expose me to my one weakness, which is-
You idiots! Cain just told you what his weakness was and both of you skipped over it again!

At this point, I think both of you deserve to get hit by his ultimate attack!

Empty Glass bottle to the face! That'll surely distract him.

Eat the macguffin in the box!

>>874376
His true weakness is Kaktus getting distracted and forgetting how the story was supposed to go.

Quick! Use your bug net to catch him!

Everybody knows healing potions have an inverse effect on undead.

also open the box that says it can defeat the defiler.

Catch him in the bug net and then before he escapes his flimsy prison use the item duplication glitch to turn the occupied bug net into a cloned empty bottle, thus erasing him from the game.

Drop all 666 Diablos ex Machina to cause framerate issues and crash the game.

Start making skeleton puns.

Quick! Use the one item needed to defeat Cain the defiler!

He's a caster that's got a big mouth, a gold tooth and a long windup for his ultimate spell.

Warhammer to the face.

He's undead. Holy magic him to death.

Kaktus 2018/03/21(Wed)10:16 No. 874703 ID: 65a774
File 152165261920.png - (47.02KB , 700x550 , 100.png )

Well, this is easy. He'll be boned if we open this box labeled "The one item required to defeat Cain th-
Wait! No! It's a tr-

The lid on the box flies open as several screaming shapes of red escapes it. They fly around the ceiling of the room, screeching horribly before being absorbed by the necromancer.

Muhaha! Finally, ultimate power! You fools! You've just given me victory on a silver platter by-
DAMMIT, VIC! That thing was clearly a trap!
Throw me a bone here, it's not my fault you kept skipping the important dialogue!
As soon as I've defeated you, I will become immortal! AND THEN NO ONE CAN-
He played us like a fiddle! He already knew what we would do! It was like he could feel it in his bones!
...if only we weren't so boneheaded.
Are you even listening? Stop ignoring me and... oh, right, I was about to kill you anyway. Well, I would say it's been quite the delight, but then I would be-
Oh, right, he's about to kill us. We need to stop acting like numbskulls!
Then stop being a lazybones and do something!
Ugh... please, stop...
What? Don't you find this humerus?
That's odd, skeletons usually doesn’t let anything get under their skin.
That's it, I've had it with you two. Just die...

Cain proceeds to throw some kind of shining ball of energy towards the two of you… which you’ll guess will be very deadly if it hits.

Kaktus 2018/03/21(Wed)10:17 No. 874704 ID: 65a774
File 152165262814.png - (42.76KB , 700x550 , 101B.png )

I know! I'll just use the duplication glitch on him! I just need to get him into my inventory and I'll be able to clone him into an empty bottle!
...What the fuck are you talking about!? And why aren't we dead yet? That ball of fire is coming right for us!
Don't worry, talking is a free action. Now, if I use the bug net to catch him with...

You accidently swing the bug net in front of you, hitting the energy orb with it right as it’s about to hit you. Instead of disintegrate the bug net as expected, the ball just shifts direction and goes straight back towards the necromancer.

WHAT!?

As it hits him, you can see his whole body convulse as it pulses with all kind of colors.

My own attack! My only weakness! AURGH!

Kaktus 2018/03/21(Wed)10:17 No. 874705 ID: 65a774
File 152165263711.png - (56.26KB , 700x550 , 102B.png )

The necromancer sags to the floor… but with the last of his strength, he cast one last spell.

With my last breathe... I curse you... and now I am the dead, bluh!

Suddenly, the whole chamber starts to tremble, as the floor cracks and the ceiling crumbles.

Whoa!
Look out!

Kaktus 2018/03/21(Wed)10:17 No. 874706 ID: 65a774
File 152165264622.png - (81.48KB , 700x550 , 103.png )

Xi managed to shove you away from danger just in time as the floor give out under you, but she herself isn’t so lucky. After the floor have finished collapsing, she find herself hanging by the edge of an endless abyss barely holding on as the very stone is crumbling beneath her grip.

Agh! Vic! Help! I don't have any flying magic!

But there, balancing on the edge as well, is a chest full of platinum coin. The reward for defeating the necromancer… and seeing as Xi currently is in the lead on that bet of yours…

Don't tell me you're seriously considering saving the money instead of me!

You can feel another tremor coming, so you won’t have time to save both of them… probably…

A) Save Xi but lose the bet.
B) Save the loot and win the bet.
C) Try and save both but fail horribly.
D) LONG LIVE THE KING! *Shove*
E) Jump! (Why!?)

>>874706
A. Dying hurts, remember?

E for secret area!

E. And drag both the chest and Xi with you. It's an endless hole, so she'll have plenty of time to learn a flying spell.

Race Xi to the bottom.

Oh no? How do I know you won't betray me a second time??

>>874706
A. Duh

>>874706
>What do?!
A) Save Xi but lose the bet.

Tell her that she’s gotta pay the “rescue fee”. And if she asks how much, then tell her that she’s gotta give you X amount of gold, where X equals just enough for you to beat her.

Or you could just rescue her. After all, “loot” doesn’t have to be gold, it can also be valuable items and equipment you found on your way here. Meaning if you found more valuable things than Xi did, then you’ve technically already beaten her.

But if it has to be gold, then you can sell your loot for gold and take the lead.

>>874706
Save Xi. Its not like they'll let you keep the treasure when the game's over.

>>874757
"The life of a comrade is worth more than all the gold in the galaxy."

>>874706
Claim Xi as spoils of war.

Kaktus 2018/03/23(Fri)05:25 No. 875128 ID: 65a774
File 152180795819.png - (61.04KB , 700x550 , 104.png )

>“Loot” doesn’t have to be gold, it can also be valuable items and equipment you found on your way here. Alternative, you can sell your loot for gold and take the lead.
Sadly, the bet was only about who got the most gold... and you won't have a chance to sell anything before the game is over. Besides, you're pretty sure Xi has just as much equipment as you do.

>The life of a comrade is worth more than all the gold in the galaxy!
A commendable attitude, but I'm still winning he bet, Vic. Now, pull me up already! I'm about to lose my grip!

You grab a hold off Xi's arm to stop her from falling and start to slowly pull her up from her predicament.
Then I'll simply claim you as a spoil of war! I'm sure you're worth a lot of gold.
I'm warning you, I can bite back!

...but before she is up all the way, you stop her ascent and instead hold her in place.
Eh!? What gives? Why did you stop?
Sorry, ma'am, but I need a rescue fee to continue.
Rescue fee?
Not too much, of course, just... enough for me to win the bet.
Oh, I got your rescue fee right here... ELECTRIC SHIELD!
Wha-
You feel a slight sting as electricity courses through your body, paralyzing you.
Ugh!?
Victory or death!

Seeing as you were holding on to a rather large insect dangling over a long fall, it doesn't come as a surprise that the laws of physics makes themselves known. Unable to let go of her, you're dragged into the abyss with her, and as the two of you fall to your doom you can feel her embrace you as she yells:

I REGRET NOTHING!

Kaktus 2018/03/23(Fri)05:26 No. 875129 ID: 65a774
File 152180796970.png - (39.90KB , 700x550 , 105.png )

YOU DIED.

"Worth it!"

You find yourself in the lobby of the game, once again inside your own body. Or at least, the virtual version of your body. *Sigh* …you really miss how easy it was to move with that bird body you had…

"So... I guess I won the bet, eh?"
>By repeatedly trying to backstab me, yeah...
"Hey, it's all part of the game, Vic... see, this is why I prefer co-op games, I kind of get way to competitive otherwise... but how about this. Will you feel better if I let you come up with what I just won?"
>What is stopping me from just letting you win something like "The honor of being Vic’s servant" or something?
"Then I'll just come up with something myself, won't I? So... what did I win?"
>Hmm...

>>875129
"You win three wishes. As long as they're in my power to grant and conform to the rules of genie wishes"

A night of drinking alone.

You get pick the next game, Shade Sprinter 5077 or Ace Elite.

You have won two words: Monster. Cock.

How about, the prize is she gets to pick where we go to dinner? Or what we do next in general? Or maybe a massage? Full body massage...?

>>875154
We have dinner plans with Qarka already.

>>875174
Yeah, let’s check and see how much time we have left before we have to go over there.

Kaktus 2018/03/24(Sat)11:20 No. 875262 ID: 65a774
File 152191565282.png - (50.61KB , 700x550 , 106.png )

>We have dinner plans with Qarka already.
You do indeed have plans with Qarka today… but seeing as the days here are 30 hours long…
>Yeah, let’s check and see how much time we have left before we have to go over there.
The dinner wasn’t until 20 hours, so you still have plenty of time. It’s only 13 hours right now and you got time with the virtual machine until 14 hours, which means you’ll still have 6 full hours after this before your dinner date. Of course, you’ll probably need an hour to get ready… and maybe another 2 to nap… but that still leaves 3 hours?

>How about... a night drinking alone?
”Was my backstabbing really that bad, Vic?”
>Why, Xi, you broke my very heart with your ill deeds and besmirched my paladin honor as-
”I get it, I get it, no need to get overly sappy, dork. Also, I’m pretty sure you were a cleric?”
>Potayto, Tomahto…
“Hymenoptera, Coleoptera… but how about this, big guy, if you drop the grudge I promise you I’ll make it up to you?”
>I can accept that.
“Sweet.”

>You get pick the next game, Shade Sprinter 5077 or Ace Elite.
“Didn’t we already agree on Ace Elite?”
>Oh, right…

>You have won two words: Monster. Cock.
“…Dammit, Vic, can you stop with the sex talk. It’s getting a bit annoying.”
>Sorry.
“Besides, we both now we’re going to fuck like feral insects after this anyway, so…”
>Err…
“Don’t give me that look. You’ve already sent me nudes and booped my face with your… ‘Monster. COCK.’ So it’s only fair you get to see some abdomen action as well, right?”
>I-I g-guess?
“Also, if I don’t get a chance to sample that beast I’m going to be so cross with you.”

>You win three wishes. As long as they're in my power to grant and conform to the rules of genie wishes.
“Three wishes you say? Why, now that is a deal. Wait, what are the rules of the genie?”
>No wishes for more wishes, I can’t kill anyone and I can’t make anyone fall in love with you… of course, two of those rules don’t really fit so… how about, no wishes for more wishes, only wishes that involves me somehow and… your wishes must rhyme!
“Rhyme? Really? You really are a dork, big guy!”
>And you love me for it.
“Well, I’m a huge fucking dork myself so…”
>So, what is your first wish, my cute little ladybug?
“Oh, the possibilities are endless… but… I think I already have three wishes…”
>Which are.
“Let’s start small… how about a kiss?”
>A kiss?
“I wish for a kiss, to bring me bliss.”

>>875262
"Saliva wasn't one of the things that can make each other sick, right?"

If not, give the lady her wish.

>>875262
Err, better ask how kisses work for her usually. You've got different mouthparts.
If it's pretty much what you'd expect then make out with that bug. Exploration-like!

You're lucky that rhyme makes it through the translator. Otherwise we could be here all night.

>>875262
“Right now while we’re in the game or later in the real world?”

>>875264
The death screen is still behind Xi, meaning we’re still in the game. So I’m pretty sure we don’t have to worry about that here in the virtual world.

sweep her off her feet and use lots of tongue. mind her flagellum thingies.

Kaktus 2018/03/24(Sat)17:12 No. 875294 ID: 65a774
File 152193675727.png - (17.58KB , 700x550 , 107.png )

>Saliva wasn't one of the things that can make each other sick, right?
You’re pretty sure Saliva was fine. Besides, you’re still in the virtual world right now anyway.

>You're lucky that rhyme makes it through the translator. Otherwise we could be here all night.
“Wait, what rh- I mean, yeah, sure, very lucky.”
>…you didn’t actually rhyme, did you?
“…no… I just assumed it wouldn’t get through the translator anyway so… um… so yeah…”
>So, right now while we’re in the game or later in the real world?
“Why choose one when we can do both?”
>Err, so how do kisses work for you usually? We got different mouthparts after all.
“Well… mouth to mouth, tongues intertwined while our… um… mandibles massages… I think we can skip that part?”
>So… experimentation?
“That’s probably what we’ll need to do, yeah…”

>Sweep her off her feet and use lots of tongue. Mind her flagellum thingies.
She lets out a cute skittering sound as you grab her and lift her light frame up from the floor. Embracing her completely, you guide her head towards yours, her mandibles already opening up to “kiss” you. With her mandibles biting down on each of your cheeks, she starts to suck slightly on your jaw and as you part your lips to free your tongue, it is greeted by her own.

…when you were thinking about kisses, this is not the sensation you pictured… but it’s not bad… not bad at all.

Kaktus 2018/03/24(Sat)17:12 No. 875295 ID: 65a774
File 152193677458.png - (39.22KB , 700x550 , OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.png )

As you disengage from your kiss, you WHAT THE FU-

You expected Xi be your first kiss with an insect? TO BAD! IT WAS ME, DIO!

>…what.

Kaktus 2018/03/24(Sat)17:13 No. 875296 ID: 65a774
File 152193678431.jpg - (201.39KB , 1366x706 , OHMYGAWD.jpg )

OH MAH GAAWWD!
What is wrong, Mr. Joestar?
It’s terrible, Mohamed! Dio, that sexy son of a bitch, has taken over the quest!
…my name is Avdol, not-
Quick! We must form a party of five super buff men to stop him! …and maybe grab an ugly ass dog later as well. It’s the only way!
…and where are we supposed to find these buff men, Mr. Joestar?
Why, we can find one right here in town! My own grandson, Jotaro, will make a perfect addition to our team!
…the same grandson that is currently in prison for life?
I told him to not download those MP3’s but did he listen? But this is just a small bump in the road for us! We simply need a plan to get him out!
*Sigh* Of course we do, Mr. Joestar.
Now, how do we break him out? We’ll need a cunning plan…

I heard that there's a pretty good lawyer in town, goes by Phoenix Wright. You should give him a call.

use your stands idiot

This is fantastic, can this be the next game?

This must be the work of an enemy stand

Bad Kome, give Kaktus his quest back right now!

「Ｂａｄ Ｋｏｍｅ」

Kaktus 2018/03/25(Sun)09:09 No. 875389 ID: 65a774
File 152199417221.png - (476.34KB , 1031x734 , FuckThePolice.png )

Well, Mr. Joestar, I do know of this lawyer called Phoenix Wright that lives nearby…
Lawyer? What is his stand? What’s his abilities?
His stand is called “Justice for all” which has the ability to object-
HOLD IT! That’s neither a colored Tarot card nor a music reference! What kind of fake is this lawyer!?
Err… either way, Mr. Joestar, I’m sure he can free your grandson within three days.
Three days!? We don’t have that kind of time! No, come up with a better plan!

Hmm… what if this is the work of an enemy stand?
Of course it is! That’s why we need to defeat Dio as soon as we can!
No, I meant the imprisonment part.
Oh… no, my grandson just a pirate.
…what if we use our stands?
Brilliant idea! Whip out your huge flaming cock and we can use it and my tentacles to pound those cops from both sides until they blow!
… … …by flaming cock you mean my Magician red, correct?
Of course I do! What else would I refer to!? Now let’s go!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
OH GODS, PLEASE SPARE US!
Feel the wrath of my stand, FIST!
…you mean Hermit-
FIST!!!
Why are you attacking us!? You’re free to go get your grandson whenever you want to.
But wasn’t he sentenced to life for pirating?
Bah, who cares! He didn’t download any violent video games, after all! Just state your name and profession and we’ll release him for you.

I am Joseph Joestar, professional Indiana jones impersonator and this is Mohamed-
My name is Avdol.
Mohamed Avdol-
Actually, my first name is Mu-
AND HE IS A TERRORIST!
…what.
A terrorist, eh? You don’t happen to have a... pair of nail clippers, do you?
…no?
Good! Do you know what kind of damage a TERRORIST can do with those? How about a gun?
NO!
What!? No gun!? What kind of American are you!? Here, you can have one of mine!
America? But this is Japan?
Japan is the fifty eight state of America after we conquered it at the end of world war 2 when we single handedly defeated liberal Hitler and his political correct Nazis! Those fuckers tried to force us to give the Jews rights! What kind of monster would do that!?
… … …what have you been smoking and where can I get some?
Why, I’ll show you. Right this way, Mr. Terrorist.

Kaktus 2018/03/25(Sun)09:09 No. 875390 ID: 65a774
File 152199418318.png - (529.74KB , 900x460 , 「MENACING」.png )

Here we go. This here is Mr. Jotaro. Don’t mind his death glare, he does it to everyone.

「MENACING」

Whoa… why is there, like, letter floating around in the air, dude?
I hate to say it, but I think you’ve smoked enough for now.
Don’t be a buzz kill, man.
Give me that joint.
Aw…

[Avdol won’t, like, remember this man.]

Kaktus 2018/03/25(Sun)09:09 No. 875391 ID: 65a774
File 152199419360.png - (488.96KB , 1150x659 , PERSONA.png )

It’s time to go home, grandson.
Grandson? Who are you old man? What are you doing here?
I am your grandfather, Joseph Joestar, and I’m here to enlist your aid in taking down an old, sexy enemy of our family, DIO!
…our family enemy is god?
No, I am talking about Dio, the ageless vampire who has stolen your great great grandfathers body to use as his own. Now, he wishes nothing but to total destruction of the Joestar bloodline… and the way he’ll achieve this goal is… by taking control of this quest and turning it into a bad Stardust Crusaders parody.
… … …you’re clearly completely mad, old man. And probably dangerous as well. Good thing I got this to protect myself with!
What? Why does he have a gun!?
Because we gave him one, duh.
Why did you give a convict a gun!? Aren’t you afraid he’ll kill someone!?
Guns don’t kill people, violent video games does!
Dude… what.

This isn’t a gun! It’s the tool I use to summon my PERSONA!
That’s a gun, Jotaro, not one of those-
PERSO-

Kaktus 2018/03/25(Sun)09:10 No. 875392 ID: 65a774
File 152199420489.png - (1.02MB , 1384x732 , Bang.png )

*BANG!*

…
…
…
…
…well, he’s dead. Let’s go, Mohamed.
He is, like, still twitching, Mr. Joestar.
…well, he’s dying. Let’s g-
Dude, can’t we… I don’t know… try and save him, man?
Fine… we’ll try to save him… got any ideas how, Mr. high as a kite.
Pretty butterflies…
Of course not…

I feel compelled to mention that may be your most hilarious ending non-sequitur yet.

>>875392
CPR!

>>875392
Kill Death

I think it's time to take off your VR headset and complain that someone just hijacked your game.

Kaktus 2018/03/26(Mon)09:28 No. 875495 ID: 65a774
File 152208172009.jpg - (39.85KB , 500x300 , Lali-ho.jpg )

>CPR!
For a bullet wound? What do you think this is? Trilby’s notes?
>I think it's time to take off your VR headset and complain that someone just hijacked your game.
This is the real world, Neo.
>Kill Death!
Now that sounds like a plan! Mohamed, do it!
Of course Mr. John Starr…

-----------

Lali-ho!

Lali-ho.

Lali-hoooo…

Lali-hoooooooow bored I am… I wish something would happen…

…

Lali-

Kaktus 2018/03/26(Mon)09:28 No. 875496 ID: 65a774
File 152208173013.jpg - (66.83KB , 500x281 , CHICKEN.jpg )

Go giant fire chicken! Use flame thrower!
Buk buk BUKWAAAK!
-Ho?

Kaktus 2018/03/26(Mon)09:29 No. 875497 ID: 65a774
File 152208174284.jpg - (79.00KB , 575x360 , AWYEAH.jpg )

It is done, Mr. Joestar.
Yes, I can see that. He’s waking up.

…what just happened?
We just saved you after you shot yourself in the head, son.
Mr. Joestar, I don’t think this kid has it in him if he was beaten that easy.
Beaten easy? Really? Star Platinum!
UGH!! *BREAK BARS!*
Hmm… your stand is indeed strong… but will it be enough?
Yare yare daze…
UGH!! *FLEX!*
Mohamed, test him.
It’s Avdol, but very well. I challenge you to a battle, chose your Pokémon!
Wha-

Kaktus 2018/03/26(Mon)09:30 No. 875500 ID: 65a774
File 152208181399.png - (136.47KB , 492x501 , ORAORAORA.png )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Jmty_NiaXc

Blaziken I- I mean Magician’s Red, I chose you!
Buk buk BUKWAAAK!
…star platinum, I chose you?
UGH!!!

Magician’s Red, use scorch!
Star Platinum, counter with… um...

>ORA!
>ORA ORA!
>yare yare daze…
>ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ETC…

Run.

Throw a master ball

>>875500
ORA!

Wait, couldn't Avdol have forced Death to kill Dio instead of killing Death so Jotaro wouldn't die? Hell, Wouldn't it be impossible to defeat Dio now considering Death is dead? Nice going Avdol, you fucked it up.

But onto the situation at hand, for our counter that last one sounds like a perfect idea.

Am I the only one reading this in Antfish's JJBATAS voices?

>>875507
>for our counter that last one sounds like a perfect idea.
Yes, let’s use that one.

>Am I the only one reading this in Antfish's JJBATAS voices?
I’m doing that too. So, no, you’re not the only one.

Hey polnareff why does your roast chicken keep yelling about Bukkake?

I'm reading Josephs' voice in vargskelethor grump old man voice. jotaro kujo we need to defeat dio fuck off we need to go to egypt

>>875507
I doubt it, mean Dio is a vampire, so death probably holds no sway over him. I mean look at literally any Castlevania game.

Also, you don't want to use a Hot-Blooded type move on Magicians Red so use "yare yare daze…" instead.

>>875587

I'm guessing you haven't watched Jojo. Vampires in Jojo can die.

Though you could be right considering how Death itself was easily killed by a fire chicken.

By the way I just remembered, there was a metallica album called "...And Justice for All."

Kaktus 2018/03/28(Wed)06:00 No. 875671 ID: 65a774
File 152224202011.jpg - (116.46KB , 946x528 , ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA.jpg )

>Am I the only one reading this in Antfish's JJBATAS voices?
Shh, don’t let people in on where I stole all these jokes I got the inspiration from.

>Run.
You cannot run from this high-class bout! A brawl is surely brewing! IT’S ON!
>For our counter that last one sounds like a perfect idea.
Star Platinum, quick, counter with ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA-
...this is going to take a while, won’t it?
- ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA-

>Hey polnareff.
Huh? Bonereff? Who the fuck is Bonereff?
Sounds like a cowardly, cheese eating Guile impersonator.
- ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA-
>Why does your roast chicken keep yelling about Bukkake?
Because it makes my COCK HARD!
… … …you mean your stand, Magician Red, right?
… *Wry smile* No.
- ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA-

>By the way I just remembered, there was a Metallica album called "...And Justice for All."
Oh yeah, you’re right… maybe we should recruit the lawyer as well then… Nah, too late for that now.
- ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ora ora ora ora ora ora-
>Wait, couldn't Avdol have forced Death to kill Dio instead of killing Death so Jotaro wouldn't die?
I am pretty sure Death 13 was already under Dio’s employ, making Dio even more powerful than DEATH ITSELF!
HOORYYY SHEEET! Is this actually a Castlevania game!?
- ora ora ora ora ora ora… ora… or… a… o… o… *GASP!* ORA ORA ORA-
>Hell, Wouldn't it be impossible to defeat Dio now considering Death is dead? Nice going Avdol, you fucked it up.
Weren’t we just going to throw him in a casket and drop him into the sea or something? I mean, he only stole a quest, no need to kill him for that…
- ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!

UGH! ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA-
Hmm? How can your Stand still stand after a barrage like that!?
No matter how hard you pound it, no matter how many times it unleashes its fiery load, my mighty cock will still stand!
-ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA-
Buk buk?
The more you work it over, the harder it will become!
-ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!
Buk!
Do you not see, Mr. Jotaro, you Stand type doesn’t stand a chance against me!
You used a fighting move against a fighting Pokémon, you fucking idiot!
Also that.
Yare yare daze…

>Throw a master ball.
Now, where did I put that master ball!?
Do you honestly believe massaging the balls will make my Cock go down faster?
…we are still talking about the fight, correct?
… … …maybe?~

Kaktus 2018/03/28(Wed)06:01 No. 875672 ID: 65a774
File 152224206616.jpg - (157.21KB , 613x700 , AnkhAnkhAnkha.jpg )

But enough play! Let me show you the true power of my COCK!
Please… don’t…
Magician’s Red! Throw a bunch of Ankh’s at him!
…what?
ANKHS!!!
Buk Buk… BUKKAKE!
Aw yeah, that hit the spot…

「SUPER EFFECTIVE!」

Ugh!?
[Star Platinum have fainted!]
Yare yare daze… it seems like I lost.
You are powerful, but you have yet much to learn, grandson.
He might be useful in our travels if he get a bit more experience.
So, are we done here or-

Not so fast!
Oh for…
One of Dio’s minions are attacking! Quick, Avdol, grab the COCK!
Of course Mr. Joestar.
OH! That… that wasn’t what I meant but… go on…

Kaktus 2018/03/28(Wed)06:01 No. 875673 ID: 65a774
File 152224207761.png - (354.74KB , 330x499 , Number1MilfHunter.png )

Kakyoin? Are you one of Dio’s minions now?
What? No! I’m just here for those 1000 yen you owe me.
Oh, that… right, I got-
AND THUS WE HAVE TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH!
…or I can just repay you?
Oh… oh, right… but I wanted a fight…
To bad?

Then how about this! I FUCKED YE MUM!
… … …and?
…what do you mean and? You’re supposed to be mad!
…I don’t really care about that bitch? I mean, I bet her very soul on a game of cards once. On a bluff, I might add.
Well… err… then…
I’m not going to fight you, Kakyoin.
…then I’ll simply have to prove my might by fighting someone else!
Yare yare daze…
HEY OLD MAN! I FUCKED YOUR DAUG- WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!?

Kaktus 2018/03/28(Wed)06:01 No. 875674 ID: 65a774
File 152224208815.jpg - (191.00KB , 955x774 , MagicianBlowing.jpg )

…
…
…*cough*
…
…
…it’s not what it looks like?

It isn’t? Then I’m dying to hear your explanation.
Well, you see...

Kaktus 2018/03/28(Wed)06:01 No. 875675 ID: 65a774
File 152224210007.png - (717.82KB , 955x774 , TheEndQuestionMark.png )

https://youtu.be/-Tdu4uKSZ3M?t=40

AW COME ON!
…
Say yare one more time and I’ll punch you!

Well, that was a strange undertaking, a bit of an unusual encounter if you would.

> Weren’t we just going to throw him in a casket and drop him into the sea or something? I mean, he only stole a quest, no need to kill him for that…

Well I mean that didn't work the first time considering he escaped, but I guess so.

But you should know he fucked your mom.

so this no attempt will be made to reclaim this thread