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File 125823765648.png - (8.28KB , 600x600 , 1.png )
76489 No. 76489 ID: fb5d8e

10 years ago my parents were killed in front of my eyes by monsters. I trained for 10 years and swore revenge. Now I will rid the world from monsters so no child will go through what i went through.

My name is Tim.
I am a paladin.
28 posts omitted. Last 100 shown. Expand all images
>>
No. 76522 ID: fb5d8e
File 125823983993.png - (6.72KB , 600x600 , 6.png )
76522

"Now, now, my little Kobolds, you don't have to cry. Why did you take the sheep?"
I ask them

>Becauze winter is coming and it gets cold in the winter so we get the sheep in our cave and we all huddle up against the sheep and it's warm.
>>
No. 76523 ID: f44349

>>76513
Take the unfortunate little 'bolds under your wing!
Teach them the ways of the paladin!
>>
No. 76525 ID: e2b509

>>76522
Take the unfortunate little 'bolds under your wing!
AND CRUSH THEIR HEADS!
>>
No. 76526 ID: 9891a9

>>76522
Well, they aren't harming the sheep in any way, so there should be no need for bloodshed. Ask about where the goblins are, they probably need to be rid from the world.
>>
No. 76527 ID: 276781

>>76522
"Well, stealing is a bad thing to do, but I understand why you did it. How about we find you a different way to get through the winter that doesn't involve stealing sheep?"
>>
No. 76528 ID: 476456

Besides, a bunch of squires would cut down on your chores.
>>
No. 76529 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824025554.png - (6.55KB , 600x600 , 7.png )
76529

>"Well, stealing is a bad thing to do, but I understand why you did it. How about we find you a different way to get through the winter that doesn't involve stealing sheep?" Also tell me where the goblins are becuz I probably need to kill them.
>OK what do you suggest that we do? And the goblins are down stream the river where they have a really huge fortress stronghold.
>>
No. 76530 ID: 9891a9

>>76529
"Is it a stronghold of EVIL!?"
>>
No. 76531 ID: f44349

>>76529
Tell them to uh...
Make a great big fire!
Also they could trade stuff for blankets from... somewhere!
>>
No. 76532 ID: 476456

"Well..squires get free room and board!"
>>
No. 76533 ID: 276781

>>76529
Maybe we can find someone in the local town who won't try to kill them on sight and could use some hard workers? You should probably be along, though, to make sure they don't outright get killed by guards/whatnot.

Not to mention, returning the sheep and apologizing to those they were taken from. You'll have to keep a close eye on them at all times, though; you never know who might try to kill them.
>>
No. 76534 ID: 4ffe84

Have you kobolds not heard of fire?
>>
No. 76535 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824065591.png - (6.77KB , 600x600 , 8.png )
76535

>"Is it a stronghold of EVIL!?"
I ask
THe kobolds nod their heads fervently
>Frhbrlen one time say the goblins attack a traveller on a donkey.
>>
No. 76536 ID: 9891a9

>>76535
HOW DARE THEY! Make the evil goblins pay for their atrocious crimes!
>>
No. 76538 ID: 476456

Maybe you should check deeper into the cave..
>>
No. 76539 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824109729.png - (6.54KB , 600x600 , 9.png )
76539

>Can't you make a big fire?
I ask them, but he shakes his head
>No, it's not healthy to make a big fire in the cave due to ventilation. We'd all die from the smoke.
>Okay what about trading stuff for blankets?
>We do that but it's still cold.
>Okay what if I get you a job in the city?
>Will you get the entire tribe a job?
>No.
>OK. Then we prefer the sheep, sorry.
>OK, Im going to check deeper into the cave.
>OK.
>>
No. 76540 ID: a8a051

I still say cleaving the fuck out of them would be the wisest thing.
>>
No. 76541 ID: f4963f

>>76540
NO. Quiet you. >:(
>>
No. 76543 ID: 197650

Cant they huddle up with eachother under a blanket?
>>
No. 76545 ID: 4553b2

>>76539
Quest goal achieved: Work up money to buy the sheep legitimately and give them to the kobolds.
>>
No. 76548 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824157544.png - (11.26KB , 600x600 , 10.png )
76548

I walk deeper into the cave. It opens into a small round room with the sheep and kobolds working in the middle, and small alcoves all over the walls where kobolds sleep and baby kobolds are playing.
They all look at me with a mix of fear and curiousity.
>>
No. 76552 ID: 5d5878

>>76548
Damn, they're not evil enough to kill. Well, say hi and help them if you want.
>>
No. 76555 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824207588.png - (11.22KB , 600x600 , 11.png )
76555

>Hello, I am Tim. I am going to buy you these sheep so you can keep them.
I say.
Everyone stays quiet because they dont know how to respond, but one young little kobold says
>Are you a hero, Tim?
>>
No. 76557 ID: 1db014

>>76555
Swear. Just this once. It's okay, God knows swearing is acceptable if you're being badass, and if you're not taking His name in vain.

"FUCK YES, I am"
>>
No. 76558 ID: b4e503

>>76555
I'm not a hero. I'm not a savior. I'm not what you know.
I'm just a man whose circumstances are beyond his control.
>>
No. 76560 ID: 43d730

>>76555
I but try.
>>
No. 76561 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824237494.png - (6.91KB , 600x600 , 12.png )
76561

>FUCK YES i am
Gasps sound through the cave.
>>
No. 76564 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824293620.png - (11.23KB , 600x600 , 13.png )
76564

Everyone is very impressed and no longer scared. This makes me feel pretty happy and also confident.
What do I do now?
>>
No. 76565 ID: a8a051

Lead them out to the town. And get them convicted for their crimes.
>>
No. 76566 ID: f44349

>>76564
Obviously we must SMITE the EVIL GOBLINS and take the RICHES we obtain from their EVIL LAIR to buy WARM FUZZY SHEEP for the KOBOLDS.
>>
No. 76567 ID: 8d7d79

>>76564
Do we have enough gold to buy the sheep immediately? We should get that taken care of straight-away. Then we should find someone knowledgeable in the sheep-herding business to mentor these kobolds.
>>
No. 76568 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824348062.png - (6.71KB , 600x600 , 14.png )
76568

OK, I will go to defeat the goblins then use the gold I got from it to buy the sheep from the farmer and give them to the kobolds.
I am heading down stream the river.
>>
No. 76569 ID: 8d7d79

>>76567
thus breaking the vicious cycle of poverty induced crime
>>
No. 76570 ID: b4e503

>>76567
BOOO-RING!

Fuck this, let's kill shit!
>>
No. 76571 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824379654.png - (8.91KB , 600x600 , 15.png )
76571

There is a big tower with many tents around it. I see lots of goblins.
>>
No. 76572 ID: 43d730

>>76568
You do realise this is going to end up in the Nine Hells, beating up demons to pay off the various races usually described as monstrous?
>>
No. 76573 ID: 8d7d79

>>76571
Announce that you intend to slaughter their men, rape their women, and eat their children. This can only go well.
>>
No. 76574 ID: b4e503

>>76571
Examine the goblins: are they voluptuous?
>>
No. 76576 ID: f44349

>>76571
Announce to them that:
"YOUR RECKONING IS AT HAND, FOUL DEMONS!
RENOUNCE YOUR EVIL WAYS OR I SHALL BE FORCED TO CLEANSE THIS PLACE OF YOUR EVIL!"
Then commence to SMITE EVILing everything in sight.
>>
No. 76578 ID: a29c56

>>76573
He doesn't look like an elf to me. His ears and chin are insufficiently pointy.
>>
No. 76579 ID: 8d7d79

>>76578
Exactly. Elves can only get the 'raping women' part down, and even that they manage to fuck up.
>>
No. 76580 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824453198.png - (12.22KB , 600x600 , 16.png )
76580

I sense malicious intent all over this place.
I will smite the goblins!

>"YOUR RECKONING IS AT HAND, FOUL DEMONS! RENOUNCE YOUR EVIL WAYS OR I SHALL BE FORCED TO CLEANSE THIS PLACE OF YOUR EVIL!"

>Holy mother of shit!
>>
No. 76582 ID: b4e503

>>76571
That tower, it looks... familiar...

>>76580
OHSHI- Run D'awwblins!
>>
No. 76583 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824483920.png - (11.66KB , 600x600 , 17.png )
76583

>WHO GOES THERE?

The door to the tower is opening from the inside.
>>
No. 76584 ID: f44349

>>76580
SMITE
FUCKING
EVERYTHING
>>
No. 76585 ID: dda9dd

>>76580
Its time to draw back the strong hand of justice and whip it across their perfidious faces!
>>
No. 76586 ID: f44349

>>76583
IT IS I, TIM, PALADIN OF [insert deity here].
I HAVE COME TO CLEANSE THIS PLACE OF EVIL!
SHOW YOURSELF!
>>
No. 76588 ID: 73ad2b

Time to Smite Evil all over the fucking place.
>>
No. 76590 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824569886.png - (10.15KB , 600x600 , 18.png )
76590

>IT IS I, TIM, PALADIN OF THE SUNGOD. I HAVE COME TO CLEANSE THIS PLACE OF EVIL! SHOW YOURSELF!

Urgh, the malicious intent is very strong in this one. It's almost unbearable.

>PUNY HUMAN! YOU CAN NOT DEFEAT KH'TUG'TAR THE ORC PRINCESS!
>>
No. 76591 ID: 4ffe84

did um. did we detect eevil before we started smiting? these may have been good goblins
>>
No. 76592 ID: b4e503

>>76590
She's hot, invite her out for a beer.
>>
No. 76594 ID: f44349

>>76590
Damn look at those massive... horns.
Ahem.
Well... What are you waiting for? SMITE THE FUCK OUT OF HER.
>>
No. 76596 ID: a29c56

Smite her. WITH YOUR PENIS!
>>
No. 76598 ID: e2b509

>>76590
Don't worry, Tim. All she needs is good dicking. With your sword.
>>
No. 76599 ID: dda9dd

>>76590
Looks like its time to... lock horns.
>>
No. 76600 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824617639.png - (9.96KB , 600x600 , 19.png )
76600

>Let's get a beer!
I tell her.
She growls back
>You come to KH'TUG'TAR's tower and kill KH'TUG'TAR's army of evil goblins, then challenge KH'TUG'TAR to drinking game ? You have balls. KH'TUG'TAR likes balls. Come in.
>>
No. 76602 ID: 39317b

Reaver, Reaver... you're so damn predicatable
>>
No. 76604 ID: dda9dd

>>76600
Enter the tower.. but be wary! Often they have deamons to back up their words.
>>
No. 76605 ID: b4e503

>>76600
Hells yeah! Onward to alcohol-soaked glory, in the name of the SUNGOD!
>>
No. 76606 ID: a29c56

>>76602
I'm not entirely convinced it's Reaver... the lines are too heavy and the chins too round. And there are subtler differences...
>>
No. 76607 ID: 4ffe84

she likes balls. Quick, seduce her.
>>
No. 76608 ID: 43d730

>>76607
She might like them for lunch.
Keep your pants on.
>>
No. 76609 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824686244.png - (7.88KB , 600x600 , 20.png )
76609

We go into the tower and sit down at a table and she slams a mug with stinky liquid on the table.
>Here. I will go get another one for me.
she says.
She leaves to the kitchen.
>>
No. 76610 ID: e3f578

Look at the floor please. For the love of god beware the floor.

Floors can be dangerous.
>>
No. 76611 ID: 43d730

>>76609
I doubt her goodwill.
Insist on a toast to begin, see if hers looks the same as yours.
>>
No. 76613 ID: 4ffe84

Dump the beer into the plant pot. When she comes back pretend we just finished downing it.
>>
No. 76614 ID: 1443c0

>>76609
stab her in the back of the face
>>
No. 76615 ID: 88f496

>>76613
That'd be unhonourable.
>>
No. 76616 ID: 476456

..you drink right?
>>
No. 76617 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824728532.png - (5.47KB , 600x600 , 21.png )
76617

I dump the drink into the pot.
>>
No. 76618 ID: 43d730

>>76617
In before the plant catches on fire
>>
No. 76619 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824737597.png - (8.12KB , 600x600 , 22.png )
76619

She comes back with another mug which she slams on the table. She takes the empty one.
>You already finished it? Now KH'TUG'TAR has to get new one. Wait for signal to start next time.
She leaves with the empty mug again.
>>
No. 76620 ID: 8ce2bf

>>76619
Dump this one in the potted plant too.
>>
No. 76621 ID: b4e503

>>76619
Just drink it you pansy. She's an orc - poison is way too subtle for her.
>>
No. 76625 ID: fb5d8e
File 12582478356.png - (7.75KB , 600x600 , 23.png )
76625

She comes back with a mug of her own and says
>Okay, now we can drink. On the count of three.
>One..
>Two..
>Three!
>>
No. 76629 ID: b4e503

>>76625
CONSUME!

Try to talk her into a game of quarters.
Also: Compliment her assets.
>>
No. 76630 ID: 88f496

>>76625
Throw the mug into her face and rip her guts out.
>>
No. 76631 ID: dda9dd

>>76625
Down the hatch!... don't forget all that paladin training to resist poisons!
>>
No. 76632 ID: e0499d

chug with justice
>>
No. 76633 ID: 632862

>>76625
Bring it to your lips, but as she's drinking and can't see you, pour it in the plant.

Want some rye? 'course you do!
>>
No. 76634 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824821761.png - (7.89KB , 600x600 , 24.png )
76634

I drink.
She doesn't drink.
>>
No. 76635 ID: fb5d8e
File 12582482353.png - (5.46KB , 600x600 , 25.png )
76635

I pass out.
>>
No. 76638 ID: 476456

You gon' get date raped.

or poisoned.
>>
No. 76640 ID: b4e503

>>76635
Ahahahahahaa you wuss!
nb4 forced orc sexin'
>>
No. 76641 ID: 475940

>>76631
I'm pretty sure that's disease.
>>
No. 76642 ID: f44349

>>76635
...Pray that she doesn't do things to you while you are unconscious.
>>
No. 76645 ID: 475940

>>76642
Or pray she does things rather than just kill you.
>>
No. 76647 ID: 4ffe84

umm... wake up?
>>
No. 76649 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824881684.png - (8.24KB , 600x600 , 26.png )
76649

I wake up.
I'm in a cage outside the tower, suspended over the bodies of all the goblins i killed.
All my gear is gone.
>>
No. 76651 ID: 476456

time to use your high charisma to charm your way out of there.
>>
No. 76652 ID: c0f3bf

Bend the FUCK out of those bars.
>>
No. 76653 ID: 475940

Examine the cage for a way to escape. In case you don't find anything, it looks like your head doesn't fit between the bars, but feel free to try (and see if you can make the opening wider).
>>
No. 76654 ID: 4553b2

>>76649
Look around for birds or sheep. Ask them to get the kobolds to free you.
>>
No. 76655 ID: 632862

>>76649
Try to grab a weapon using your legs.
>>
No. 76656 ID: b4e503

>>76649
Masturbate furiously.
>>
No. 76658 ID: 4ffe84

Bend Bars and Lift Gates.
>>
No. 76659 ID: 5d5878

>>76649
Swing the cage and hope it breaks open! Or just for fun.
>>
No. 76665 ID: fb5d8e
File 125824938754.png - (6.89KB , 200x200 , pausing.png )
76665

(Im pausing here for now, thanks for playing)
>>
No. 76668 ID: 613875

>>76649
Man, you guys SUCK at Monkey Island.
>>
No. 76829 ID: 7eda8b

Magic the lock open.
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