Sir Humpy 2015/10/16(Fri)12:58 No. 676847 ID: cf1cda
File 144502548061.jpg - (73.67KB , 600x800 , MH01.jpg )

AS IF!

Suckers really fell for that and let you come to the place of your dreams.

Since you were a wee bit teenager you have always felt a horrible sexual attractions for those inhuman creatures.
You were patient and able to mantain your own facade of paladin long enough to fool the king in sending you exactly were you wanted to be.

In the lands where hot monster ladies roam

>>676847
Why didn't you just go there anyway?

Sir Humpy 2015/10/16(Fri)13:00 No. 676849 ID: cf1cda
File 144502562270.jpg - (23.18KB , 460x350 , MH02.jpg )

And now, while breathing heavily inside your own helmet, you plan about who or what will be your first pre...

vict...

uuuuh

CONQUEST!

Which monster shall be the first one to fall for your incredible knightly charm and show you the intricate misteries of their sexual intercourses?

A hydra. Get head, seven times.

need to start small-ish so you have backup for the bigger ones. try for a slime.

Dude!
Go big or not try at all!
A MOUNTAIN SIZED DRAGON!!!!11!!one!!!

porn

a sergal

>>676855
I went into a quest and blindly suggested porn without reading it. And it turns out to be a porn quest. I feel like an idiot.

>>676856
or this

>>676856
A male sergal. Since they're less crazy than the females.
Don't stick your dick in Rain.

>>676860
gaaaaaaaaay

>>676849
Start with something that's not very likely to kill you if you offend it. How about... a sphinx? All you gotta do is answer her riddle, then you can put on the charm.

>>676856
Sergals aren't monsters don't be racist

Sir Humpy 2015/10/16(Fri)13:57 No. 676876 ID: cf1cda
File 144502907340.jpg - (39.52KB , 600x600 , MH03.jpg )

SO MANY CHOICES! SO MANY CHOICES!

Back in your country it is not only forbidden to have any friendly relation with monster, but it's also punishable with death!

But now that you are here, on a mission, alone! You struggle to choose where even to begin.

Just like a fat man after a diet that wins a free ticket for an "all you can eat buffet"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/16(Fri)13:59 No. 676877 ID: cf1cda
File 144502916627.jpg - (34.68KB , 600x660 , MH04.jpg )

BUT YES!

Why not start with what a creature that embodies fearsome animal traits, voracity and sensuality. All in one.

It's time to hunt down a sergal.

Or better...

a Sergal

Sir Humpy 2015/10/16(Fri)14:02 No. 676878 ID: cf1cda
File 144502933091.jpg - (72.75KB , 600x655 , MH05.jpg )

AND WHAT LUCK!

Not even too far away from you, there are the hunting grounds of such fearsome monsters. It barely took you minutes to find one.

And a hot one too.

A young huntress on the prowl. Barely covered in tribal clothes.

Now to plan your approach. This is after all, your big occasion.

She appears to be tracking some beast! Get to it first and give it to her as a present.

Say "Hey u wan sum fuk?"

>>676878
what do you have on your person? if you have any sort of meat, distract her with it

Put some chloroform on your sleeve and ask her to smell it.

Loudly announce your intent to get it on with the fair maiden.

>>676878

Gyrate your hips wildly in her direction.

of course, a hunter would appreciate hunting skill.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/16(Fri)14:38 No. 676897 ID: cf1cda
File 144503149351.jpg - (60.09KB , 790x600 , MH06.jpg )

Time to charm this fascinating creature with your incredibly charismatic language skills.

You pop out of your hiding spot, greeting the sergal huntress

"GREETINGS FAIR MAIDEN, I WAS UNABLE TO IGNORE YOUR PREDICAMENT!"

The sergal girl turn and stares at you, clearly already victim of your incredible charm.

"I SEE YOU ARE HUNTING, PERHAPS FOR A SCARCITY OF MEAT. BUT WORRY NOT! I AM HERE TO HELP!"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/16(Fri)14:40 No. 676898 ID: cf1cda
File 144503160815.jpg - (34.84KB , 460x600 , MH07.jpg )

"FOR YOU SEE, I AM PACKING QUITE A LOT OF MEAT MYSELF"

The huntress seems to be captivated by what you are saying

"RIIIIIGHT HERE"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/16(Fri)14:41 No. 676899 ID: cf1cda
File 144503169350.jpg - (39.29KB , 460x600 , MH08.jpg )

ZAC

This wasn't the reaction you were hoping for, but somehow you feel like it was the one you should have expected

>>676899
Sergals respect strength. Beat her in single combat!

... Wait, is she a Sergal? Something seems off.

But you shouldn't look there or she'll rip your eyes out.

good thing you have your codpiece.

"My fair maiden, I am not interested in spears. I intend to find a scabbard with which to sheath my sword."

Waggle eyebrows so hard they waggle through the helmet.

Use your own spear attack

She obviously did that because she was afraid she would swoon if you finished your come on. Stay the course and continue forward.

Note that she has a rather impressive 'spear' of her own. Claim you've always been interested in trying that sort of thing.

You probably haven't, but we can spin this into normal sex later.

>>676904
Yes, thank the good fortunes for that.

Commend her for her apparent kinkiness.

You remembered your codpiece, right? That spear's head ought to snap right off if you did.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/17(Sat)02:33 No. 677074 ID: 5d3c33
File 144507441365.jpg - (34.55KB , 470x500 , MH09.jpg )

GOOD THING INDEED YOU HAVE A CODPIECE!

Maybe next time you will even remember to wear it beforehand.

But for now, you are sure that a demonstration of strenght will suffice to entice the huntress.

and so you begin to show her the power...

Sir Humpy 2015/10/17(Sat)02:34 No. 677075 ID: 5d3c33
File 144507449850.jpg - (41.69KB , 485x568 , MH10.jpg )

OF YOUR MIGHTY LOINS!

CRACK!

No spear can whitstand the power of your holy lance!

Sir Humpy 2015/10/17(Sat)02:38 No. 677076 ID: 5d3c33
File 144507471376.jpg - (31.30KB , 600x560 , MH11.jpg )

The Sergal looks clearly quite impressed by your feat, looking at you with barred eyes and gasping

"MILADY, I COMMEND YOUR CHOICES IN KINKS. IF YOU BE SO INTERESTED IN WEAPON PRACTICE I MIGHT SHOW YOU THE MIGHT OF MY OWN SWORD, IF YOU ARE EAGER TO PROVIDE AN APPROPRIATE SCABBARD"

You intensify your eyebrow wiggle so much that they pop out of your own helmet.

Who would ever be able to resist to that?.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/17(Sat)02:39 No. 677077 ID: 5d3c33
File 144507478393.jpg - (36.72KB , 440x600 , MH12.jpg )

WHAM!

Sir Humpy 2015/10/17(Sat)02:43 No. 677078 ID: 5d3c33
File 144507500422.jpg - (32.12KB , 430x510 , MH13.jpg )

You kinda had your hopes up when she started tying you up to a tree. You have heard of such kinkypractices in the secret forums of the black market colosseum.

But after seeing her run away to the forest and waiting for about an hour, you are almost sure she isn't coming back.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/17(Sat)02:46 No. 677079 ID: 5d3c33
File 144507516871.jpg - (38.83KB , 500x570 , MH14.jpg )

OH WELL! NO TIME TO LOSE FAITH IN YOUR QUEST!

After all, there are plenty of fishes in the sea. So there should be even plentier monsters in the MONSTERLANDS.

What should you chase after now?

Keep on the lookout for the sexy slitherings of a lady snake. Like that hydra idea.

A mimic. Or a mermaid/snakeperson/whatever.

Try seducing a lamia.

sliiiiiiiiime

Kobolds, or Cutebolds if that's what's available, make a good starting point for most adventurers. So small and lithe, and they are weak enough that even fledgling adventurers can over power them with ease. We can move on to bigger prey later.

>>677092
Seconding lamia. I hope you brought a maid costume for her with you.

stop fiddling with small fry... go for the DRAGONS!!!

You're an idiot.

Go for a girl who's too aroused to think straight.

>>677106
Thats rape.

>>677118
They're monsters though. Do you think anyone will care? Our protag doesn't even care; he was one syllables away from calling our first conquest a victim.

>>676847
Oh hey Garret so this is where you ended up

>>676858
Its that part of your brain that just knows when something lewd is going on, like sexy premonition powers.

>>677079
Ok I think we maybe jumped the gun there, lets start with something more our speed like a slime or kobold.
Though if you go for a kobold make sure its alone or you might get swamped by the little ankle stabbers.

By the way do we have a name? Might I suggest ManHammer! MH for short.

>>677121
I'm pretty sure our surname is Humpy, and we totally look like a Manfred to me. Manfred von Humpy would be a bitchin' name.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/17(Sat)08:18 No. 677135 ID: d0881b
File 144509513986.jpg - (39.86KB , 700x540 , MH15.jpg )

BUT OF COURSE!

In your eager anticipation, you probably choose a monster with too much hot blood, clearly too emotive for the confrontation you are looking for!

You should have looked for something cooler!

Time to find the place where the snake things go!

you swear on your holy codpiece that you will not end the day without laying with a hot monster!
Or your name is not Sir Humphrey McManhammer! or Sir Humpy for friends

The snakeladies love their dank dark caves. Come to think of it you love their dank dark caves too.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/17(Sat)08:24 No. 677138 ID: d0881b
File 144509545765.jpg - (54.45KB , 600x600 , MH16.jpg )

HAH-AH! Your idea was right. To look for a lake, where the sun bathes the rocks, so that they are hot enough for cold blooded monsters to lay on.

And right as you were hoping, a hot lamia, sitting on a hot rock, right on the edge of the lake.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/17(Sat)08:27 No. 677139 ID: d0881b
File 144509563026.jpg - (51.10KB , 525x740 , MH17.jpg )

She seems to be brushing her hair with a brush, sighing softly as it keeps being stuck in hair knots.

Truly nature is a majestic force to have created such a slithering sexy creature.

burst from your hiding place "greetings madam! what lovely hair you have."

Go all Shakespeare on her. I recommend Sonnet 130.

Begin wooing her by offering to help out with her hair. Make sure if she lets you help to rub her scalp gently but firmly to maximize her enjoyment of the grooming process. Tell her about how you've always found partnered grooming to be a wholly intimate experience.

forget shakespear, that won't impress nobody

try Snakespear she'll swoon at your cultural knowledge

>>677140
Nice!
>>677142
Good choice.

>>677141
>>677143
NO. Don't be a cultural douche.

And since you have a high endurance stat, offer to let her "hug" you, just to show that she can trust you (because she can incapacitate you if you try anything stupid).

Sir Humpy 2015/10/17(Sat)09:24 No. 677149 ID: d0881b
File 144509904996.jpg - (66.97KB , 780x600 , MH18.jpg )

You wish you paid attention during the poetry, but you mostly spent time scribbling lewd pictures of harpies, but you can improvise something!

You jump out of your hiding spot again, and drop on your knee.

You are sure Lamias have a thing for people on their knees.

Or do they have a thing just for knees? Oh well, no time to think about it!

"MY FAIR LADY, WHAT LOVELY HAIR YOU POSSSESSSSSSS! FOR ONLY THE FAIRESSSSST OF MAIDENSSSSSSSSSSS THAT I HAVE EVER SSSSSEEN COULD HAVE SSSSSSSSUCH BEAUTIFUL HAIR! LIKE SSSSSSSSSILK RIVERSSSSSSSSS IN A SSSSSSSSSNOWY DAY THEY ARE! THE PERFECT FRAMESSSSSSSSS FOR THE MASSSSSSTERPIECE THAT ISSSSS YOUR FACE!"

Nailed it.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/17(Sat)09:24 No. 677150 ID: d0881b
File 144509908262.jpg - (20.32KB , 425x400 , MH19.jpg )

...

Oh my god that was so racist. How could you not realize Lamia don't actually talk like that?

Sir Humpy 2015/10/17(Sat)09:28 No. 677154 ID: d0881b
File 144509929676.jpg - (25.82KB , 420x400 , MH20.jpg )

The lamia burst into laughter.

A delightful crystaline laugh that sends shivers down your spine.

LAMIA: "pfffffffffhahahahahahah! Oh by the godsssssss, are you sssssserious?"

she turns toward you, moving her scaly lower body to adjust her position

LAMIA: "I'm Kal'da. Who are you?"

[i]Well so far so good. She hasn't stabbed your crotch with a spear.

Yet.[i]

give her your name, uhh, leave out the humpy part, that makes you sound way too eager.

Oh I guess they do talk like that. Sorry about that. Tell her you would love nothing more than to run a brush through those luxurious locks of hers.

Tell her your name without the Humpy part and add that you are a questing knight pursuing a quest for love.

If needed, clarify that said love has to be at least romantic tier. You don't want none of that love between friends kind of thing. Unless it's friends-with-benefits type.

You made her laugh, that's good! Gals love it when you can make them laugh. Pretend that was on purpose.

>I'm Kal'da. Who are you?
Introduce yourself. Leave out the "monster humper" or the "king sent you to kill monsters" part of your resume. One's too forward, and the other is a turn off.

Sir Humperdink, of the Sleepless Knights!

Gnuk 2015/10/17(Sat)13:21 No. 677227 ID: d0881b
File 144511326578.jpg - (57.10KB , 975x600 , MH21.jpg )

You pose in a fashionable manner and introduce yourself.

"WELL MILADY! MY NAME IS SIR HUMPREY MCMANHAMMER! I COME FROM THE HUMAN LANDS, ON A QUEST TO FIND LOVE!"

KAL'DA: "Oh my, love?"

"YES INDEED! BUT NOT ANY KIND OF LOVE! NOT THE ONE BETWEEN FRIEND! WELL UNLESS IT'S BETWEEN FRIENDS THAT SHARE BENEFITS, OF COURSE! FOR YOU SEE I SEEK AT LEAST THE ROMANTIC TIER OF LOVE!"

KAL'DA: "Ooooooooh"

Gnuk 2015/10/17(Sat)13:24 No. 677228 ID: d0881b
File 144511346463.jpg - (51.02KB , 750x600 , MH22.jpg )

"PERHAPS, YOU MIGHT AID ME IN THIS QUEST, MILADY! IN RETURN I CAN HELP YOU OUT WITH THOSE MAGNIFICENT HAIR! I WOULD LOVE NOTHING LESS!"

KAL'DA: "That doesssssssss sssssssound like fun!"

yesss

KAL'DA: "But i'm afraid i can't be of much help today. I came by the lake for a sssssswim with my boyfriend. it'ssssssss our anniversary!"

Gnuk 2015/10/17(Sat)13:24 No. 677229 ID: d0881b
File 144511349995.jpg - (50.87KB , 800x570 , MH23.jpg )

Boyfriend?

>>677229

RUN AWAAAAAAYYYYYY

>>677229
SIR DO YOU KNOW OF ANY SINGLE LADIES AROUND HERE

>>677229
Tell him that you are a hair stylist or a some sort of bard knight, and politely apologize if it looked like you were hitting on his girlfriend.

Also get ready to run like hell.

>anniversary
Tell them how fortunate they are to have found each other. Lasting love is truly beautiful. If only you had such a happy occasion to celebrate.

Tactically roll between his legs and run away.

Attempt groin stab during this action if possible.

SIR, BEFORE YOU PROCEED WITH THE COMEDIC PUMMELING, KNOW THAT MY ACTIONS WERE TAKEN IN IGNORANCE. I WOULDN'T INTRUDE UPON A LOVING RELATIONSHIP SUCH AS YOURS OTHERWISE.

...UNLESS IT IS REQUESTED.

Introduce yourself politely, no need to freak out. As long as you stop hitting on her he shouldn't be mad.

Ah my apologize milady, had I known you were already spoken for I would never had considered trying to woo you from your lover. Know that as a seeker of love I hold it in strictly the highest regard, and would never dream of taking actions that could harm a truly loving relationship. If you'll simply excuse my mistake I will leave you two to your beautiful day, and seek out love in other places.

"Ah! Well, he sounds like a perfectly respectable, fine young man. I'm glad you've managed to find yourself the most rare of romantic relationships; the long-runner!"
Ignore ogre
Compliment him while pretending you don't notice he's there
I keep thinking the sword scabbard seen through our legs is a dick

>>677363
i bet it's on purpose

Ask her if she's got any sisters. Or maybe some friends?

Hell, if he's got sisters or lady friends that's cool too.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/18(Sun)11:57 No. 677514 ID: bb4b55
File 144519465276.jpg - (51.74KB , 700x600 , MH24.jpg )

You slowly turn around, just in time to be face to face with the wet Cyclop.

CYCLOP: "Who the hell are you and what are you doing here"

KAL'DA: "His name is Humprey, Baby. He came in the monsterland on a quest to find love!"

CYCLOP: "Love?"

"YES, AND YOUR LOVELY MILADY WAS TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR DAY AND YOUR ANNIVERSARY! CONGRATULATION ON SUCH AN IMPORTANT DATE! LASTING LOVE IS TRULY ONE OF THE BEAUTY IN THIS WORLD THAT CANNOT BE ACHIEVED EASILY!"

CYCLOP: "Oh..uh... Thanks?"

KAL'DA: "He was asking me if i could help him in his quest too!"

CYCLOP: "What?"

"UUUUUH! YES! I MEAN, I WANTED TO KNOW IF THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN ANY MAIDENS WITHOUT A KNIGHT OR THAT WERE LOOKING FOR COMPANIONSHIP! I WONDERED IF MILADY KAL'DA HERE WOULD BE KNOWLEADGEABLE OF SUCH KIND OF FAIR CREATURES!"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/18(Sun)12:07 No. 677516 ID: bb4b55
File 144519527096.jpg - (52.60KB , 600x600 , MH25.jpg )

CYCLOP: "Oh... mmmh... well. I think there is Lascivia, queen of the goblins. Her last husband died almost a month ago and i don't think she is dating anyone at the moment."

KAL'DA: "The harpies of the mountain haven't migrated yet too. There is also the great dragoness in the cave near the icy path!"

CYCLOP: "I thought she was dating that Fire golem"

KAL'DA: "No, they broke up when she found out he was cheating on her with the hydra"

CYCLOP: "That sucks, poor girl. Anyway... I think there is also a giant slime in the swamp that moved there recently, and i don't think she knows anyone here. She might be single, i dunno."

"WELL THANKS FOR THE INFORMATIONS! I SHALL BOTHER YOUR DATE NO LONGER! HASTLY I SHALL GO TO SEEK TRUE LOVE! FAREWELL AND HAVE A NICE DAY!

You gracefully run away, before the lamia could not say anything incriminating

Sir Humpy 2015/10/18(Sun)12:09 No. 677517 ID: bb4b55
File 144519535932.jpg - (41.33KB , 440x640 , MH26.jpg )

Alright... your quest hasn't started in the best way.

But at least now you have a bunch of possible candidates.

Which one to start with?

hrrrm...
Harpies! Harpies are the way to go!

>>677517
You're having so much trouble with the ladies, why not give the men a try?

>>677516
I vote we try the ice dragon next. Or maybe the giant slime.

Shoot for the moon! Go for the dragoness!

>>677517
Dragon is probably a bad idea. Knights and dragons don't have good history after all.

Go harpywards.

You must go 'slay' the dragoness!

Maybe someone who isn't all muscle and claws? Give slime a try. It's not like you're adverse to getting... dirty.

Dwagum.

At the start i said mountain sized dragon, I revote for it

Sir knight, prepare yourself to earn the title of DRAGONLAYER!

Harpies. If not, dragoness.

>>677529
The cyclops said slime, not slimegirl...that choice might end up worse than a maiden with tooth and claw.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/18(Sun)13:05 No. 677537 ID: bb4b55
File 144519874124.jpg - (33.24KB , 660x580 , MH27.jpg )

Rrggggh. FFFFF. Icy... path...

More like icy canyon of doom...

Sir Humpy 2015/10/18(Sun)13:06 No. 677538 ID: bb4b55
File 144519881049.jpg - (71.34KB , 600x785 , MH28.jpg )

This should be the correct cave at least.

You can hear someone sobbing inside.

Someone that might need your knightly comfort

Sir Humpy 2015/10/18(Sun)13:09 No. 677539 ID: bb4b55
File 144519898597.jpg - (54.17KB , 700x600 , MH29.jpg )

You light a torch and enter the cave. Following the sobs and sighs till you reach the end of the cavern.

There, alone in the dark, a dragoness sighs and cries. Her slender tail curled and her body shivering.

She almost didn't notice you, until the light of the torch lights the wall behind her.

She turns around, looking at you with her majestic tear filled amber eyes.

Yeah, I think this was a bad idea. She was just cheated on by her ex-boyfriend, you think that she'll be straight minded about a date with a horny guy?

Ask for her friendship instead of a @#$%, and go somewhere else. You can call on her if things go horribly wrong later.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/18(Sun)13:12 No. 677543 ID: bb4b55
File 144519917568.jpg - (26.26KB , 500x560 , MH30.jpg )

DRAGONESS: "A-a knight? H-here in the Monsterland? Are you here to slay me for glory?"

She turns around, facing you. She bobs her head a little gasping a little

DRAGONESS: "I... i am sorry, sir knight. Unfortunately you find me in a moment of great discomfort and i will not be able to give you a fight worth of any song..."

she looks down, tears forming in her eyes again

DRAGONESS: "Perhaps if you come back another day, i will be in better shape..."

>>677542
Shush, you. There's a thing called rebound guy.

>>677539
Ahem.

O, MIGHTY SERPENT OF THE SKY, WHY ART TEARS IN THINE EYE?
MIGHT A LOWLY HUMAN KNIGHT MAKE YOUR SAD DAY BRIGHT?

>>677543
Awwww... she's still upset from the breakup.

Tell her you are not here to slay her. You have come to comfort her in her time of need.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/18(Sun)13:51 No. 677548 ID: bb4b55
File 144520147884.jpg - (37.28KB , 420x600 , MH31.jpg )

"O, MIGHTY SERPENT OF THE SKY, WHY ART TEARS IN THINE EYE?
MIGHT A LOWLY HUMAN KNIGHT MAKE YOUR SAD DAY BRIGHT?"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/18(Sun)13:56 No. 677549 ID: bb4b55
File 144520181319.jpg - (53.21KB , 660x600 , MH32.jpg )

DRAGONESS: "I... i'm just having a bad period of time..."

She curls up on herself.

"FEAR NOT MILADY, FOR I AM NOT HERE TO SLAY YOU! PRAY TELL WHAT IS YOUR PREDICAMENT!"

DRAGONESS:"I... i am just going through a bad breakup... that's all."

She points toward a tunnel in the cave with her nimble tail

DRAGONESS: "If you wish to have some treasure, please. Serve yourself. I have no strenght to fight for it nor i wish to. There are a lot of things in my hoard that reminds me of him.Oh, nevermind, please. It's just the ramblings of a old ugly dragon that no one wants..."

>>677549
Milady, I would be glad to take away anything that hurts you, but I am more interested in the beautiful treasure before me.

... FREE. TREASURE.

Here's what you should probably do:

Appraise anything in her hoard that ISN'T SHINY; make a plan for later. Do not take anything yet, unless it causes her actual grief - if it is something that she cannot take pleasure from pawning for material goods, because the memories transfer to the very money itself, then you can take it.

You have the opportunity to make FRIENDS with a DRAGON. This will get you the trust of the other girls in the local area, giving you a better chance of dating them, instead of the cluster@#$% that you've been going through. If you really need cash, you can just call on her for aid during your open-ceiling dungeon runs.

Oh, but we have already found a most beautiful treasure!

PARDON MY MANNERS IF THEY BE UNCOUTH OR FORWARD, BUT...I SEE NO GREATER TREASURE IN THIS LAIR THAN YOURSELF.

>>677549
Wouldst thou... care to talk about it?

>>677554
So much this.

This, uh... yeaaaah.
Let's not.
Let noone say that Sir Humpy is so uncouth as to be some random floozy's rebound!
Just take some treasure and then maybe go check out the harpies.

>>677558
Sir Humpy is exactly that uncouth.

But milady, how can you call yourself ugly. Your wing span is grand, and your horns are impeccably maintained.

make it abundantly clear that you are not boyfriend material. friends with benefits? sure!

Scritch behind her ears. Dragons love that.

...or was it cats? Worth a try, regardless.

>>677695
I think she only has two sets of horns.

>>677699
Well scratch behind those then.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)04:17 No. 677815 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144525345816.jpg - (36.73KB , 600x600 , MH33.jpg )

The poor dragoness truly seems in distress. You almost feel bad for trying to swoon her.

Almost.

"MILADY, WOULD YOU CARE TO TALK ABOUT IT? PERHAPS I MIGHT BE OF ASSISTANCE."

DRAGONESS: "I... i saw my former boyfriend, the bastard, having *sniff* intercourses with that whore of an hydra in the swamps. When i confronted him he firstly denied any involvment, and later angrily accused me of being a overemotional mess."

She burst into tears and gasps.
You grab her deadly clawed paw in your hands, gently

"THERE, THERE."

She calms a little and continues

DRAGONESS: "A-after that, he told me that he would prefer to date someone that isn't as possessive as me, but i know he meant someone younger. That hydra has only three centuries on her. I'm almost five. I have to u-u-understand that i'm too old and ugly for anyone to want me..."

"SURELY YOU JEST, MILADY! FOR YOU TOLD ME TO TAKE YOUR TREASURE, BUT I SEE NOTHING MORE PRECIOUS IN THIS CAVE THAN YOU!"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)04:22 No. 677816 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144525372073.jpg - (38.33KB , 520x770 , MH34.jpg )

DRAGONESS: "W-what?"

"WHO COULD BE SO BLIND AND MORONIC TO LET SOMEONE LIKE YOU SLIP FROM HIS HANDS? WITH YOUR IMPECCABLY MANTAINED SET OF HORNS, YOUR GRAND WINGSPAN, YOUR GRACEFUL AMBER EYES AND YOUR SLENDER FIGURE. TRULY A MARVELOUS DREAM TURNED REAL. I'M SURE NO ONE WOULD DENY THAT!"

DRAGONESS: "Y-you really think so?"

smooth

>>677816
Stick your dick in it.

>>677816
why would I lie? you have just gave me free access to your hoard and I would never fight a lady as beautiful as you!

>>677818
No, bad Humpy.

"Yes. How could I say otherwise?"

Yea, verily, it is thusly so. As an honorable knight, I would sooner be viciously stabbed in the groin and have my head flattened like a cheap clay pot than speak even the slightest falsehood, particularly to one as lovely as thyself.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)04:58 No. 677825 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144525593488.jpg - (30.73KB , 480x620 , MH35.jpg )

"BUT OF COURSE I AM! ANYONE WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU. PERHAPS, IF YOUR MIND IS STILL CLOGGED WITH DOUBT, YOU COULD TRY DATING SOMEONE. SOME THAT CAN SHOW YOU HOW MARVELOUS YOU ARE!"

you put a lot of emphasis on the last part.

DRAGONESS:"I... You know, you are right! I am still young enough to date."

yessss

Why love and bed fun times might be closer than you think! Waggle eyebrows.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)05:06 No. 677827 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144525638879.jpg - (36.34KB , 480x620 , MH36.jpg )

DRAGONESS: "Someone that perhaps is near me, and has shown interest"

She leans forward.

"VERILY!"

DRAGONESS: "Someone that is gentle by nature..."

"INDEED!"

DRAGONESS: "And that can be devoted"

"TRULY ADMIRABLE WORDS!"

DRAGONESS: "You are right, sir knight! For too long i have avoided my neighbor, the gentle ice giant. I knew we both felt something for each other, but we have both been too shy to act."

"UH?"

DRAGONESS: "No longer i'll sulk and waste time hating myself. I must be more confident and direct! Thanks good knight!"

she starts storming off the cave

DRAGONESS: "I'm off to ask Kurrgg if he wants to grab a drink! Thank you again for helping me with my issues! I will never forget! Wish me luck"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)05:08 No. 677828 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144525650234.jpg - (36.34KB , 480x620 , MH37.jpg )

...

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)05:09 No. 677829 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144525655914.jpg - (75.53KB , 840x620 , MH38.jpg )

It's fine.

Everything is fine.

At least you did a good action today.

That should count for your karma, right?

What now?

So how about that giant slime?

>>677829
Steal some of that treasure she mentioned while she's out. Maybe you can use jewelry in future wooing.

Let's try the slime.

Take a little bit of treasure, karma is nice but little gold could be nicer. After we cash in some karma we should head off to that swamp with the giant slime.

I think we need a change of outfit. The armor just screams I'm here to fight rather than I'm here to love. Do you have a change of clothes that truly informs those that see you what you're about?

Well, at least you're not on Wizardweb in some dungeon. You're out there, making mistakes, getting messy and learning. And hey, you apparently helped a giant out of a friendzone. If you meet the dragoness again, there might be some bro points for you.

Take something from her hoard, but leave a note for her to find you if you took something you weren't supposed to.

Go deduce if the aforementioned slime is a slimeGIRL. If it's not, back the fuck out. You're not ready yet for any sort of a relationship with something that doesn't have a face.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFHARPIES

>>677840
Oh hey, good point. If the slime doesn't work out maybe there'll be some sexy jotuns.

Gnuk 2015/10/19(Mon)07:00 No. 677852 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144526323508.jpg - (37.10KB , 467x640 , MH39.jpg )

You look through the dragon hoard, looking for something interesting. Her hoard consist mostly of paintings of her and her former boyfriend fire golem, a set of purple vibrating clubs of various sizes (well hidden inside a box in the bottom of the cave), a large amount of draconic poetry and fiction about dragon on dragon action and a small chest containing jewelry.

You pick a small silver necklace with a tiny gem on it, on the back of the medallion it's written something

"You are the only one for me, i pledge my love and life to you. This little gift shall be a symbol of my faithfulness."

Yeah, sure buddy. I guess the dragoness won't miss this.

You leave her a short note with your name and the thing you picked, just in case she changes her mind and decides to maul you for touching her stuff.

You seem to have ungodly strength and durability. Perhaps you should seek a lover who seeks these qualities themselves?
Oh well, try the slime first. Goo get her, tiger!

Gnuk 2015/10/19(Mon)07:03 No. 677855 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144526339965.jpg - (55.13KB , 780x600 , MH40.jpg )

TIME TO GO TO THE SWAMPS!

Fourth time is the charm, no?

You hope at leaast.

The swamp is damp and dark. You litteraly have to walk through the bogs and water, with only your head sticking out.

And then you find her.

errrrrrrr.

It.

The giant slime sits atop of a small island in the middle of the water, its form doesn't really give away the gender of the creature.

You fear you might have been screwed over in this life.

Stick your stick in it.

Gnuk 2015/10/19(Mon)07:06 No. 677857 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144526357359.jpg - (64.73KB , 590x800 , MH41.jpg )

And while you ponder on how the universe might be delighted with your unluck, the universe decide to answer you.

The form of the slime shifts and changes. Mutating from the base form to another.

The slime girl stretches her arms, yawning.

And from the size of that jello booty, you are now sure this is a female slime.

"good day madam!"

Good day fair lady. My word, your core is looking vibrant today.

Remember the words of the old Grandmaster, the legendary Sir Mixalot.

Let's try a more normal approach. SALUTATIONS!

CAREFUL:

A) Might be a guy slime who likes to look fat
B) Might be a girl slime who likes male sex
C) Might be seducing prey for literal consumption

State your name and mission. Be ready to run.

>>677857
Greetings, my fair slime! How dost this day find such a lubricious beauty?

>>677867
Kal'da wouldn't send us into certain death, would she?

Gnuk 2015/10/19(Mon)07:43 No. 677871 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144526581924.jpg - (45.81KB , 800x570 , MH42.jpg )

You pull yourself out of the bog, startling the slime for a moment. She then turns toward you, curious.

"SALUTATIONS, MADAM! I HOPE YOU DON'T FIND ME TOO BOLD IF I SAY THAT YOUR CORE LOOKS VIB..."

Your introduction is cut short by a voice behind you

???: "HEY THERE, SLIMY MAMA!"

Gnuk 2015/10/19(Mon)07:45 No. 677873 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144526591973.jpg - (51.14KB , 600x600 , MH43.jpg )

FLAME GOLEM: "You look pretty...I look pretty...why don't we go home and stare at each other?"

Ok, this is definitively not cool...

FLAME GOLEM: "But enough about me... Let's talk about me. What do you think of me?"

>>677873
Oh, let's talk about you. How's that hydra you've been banging behind dragoness' back?

"i think you are a serial cheater that seriously needs to watch their back for an upset and angry dragon"

I think you should try putting the moves on one lady at a time, ya hearthwrecker. Or was dating a hydra not woman enough for you? [withhold dragon's amulet for now]

Explain to the Johnny Flare that your motives are very similar, but

A) You are SICK of FAILING to BANG ANYONE
B) He had a good thing going and he cheated. There are consequences.

You're not in a good mood to concede to him for those reasons.

Show him the pendant and ask him if he gave that to her. Don't give the slime the pendant, just ask her if she wants a date-and-@#$%.

Also, warn him of the dragon's new boyfriend; they might literally kill each other if they don't agree to a restraining order.

Pull out the dragon's pendant to lay a verbal smack down on a bitch.

>>677873
Oh, well...if slime fail you got an hydra to bang.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)08:24 No. 677889 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144526829308.jpg - (34.27KB , 800x510 , MH44.jpg )

You stop the pompous golem's speech.

"SIR, I DO BELIEVE YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING YOU SHOULDN'T. AS I WAS CLEARLY HERE FIRST..."

FLAME GOLEM"Mister, I don't think you realize who you're talking to. I'm Johnny Flamo, the one-golem army!"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)08:27 No. 677890 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144526842940.jpg - (47.60KB , 800x510 , MH45.jpg )

"OH I DO BELIEVE WE HAVE 'COMMON' FRIENDS"

You pull out the medallion in front of his face

"SO!"

"HOW IS MADAME HYDRA DOING LATELY?"

FLAME GOLEM:"Whoa, Mama!"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)08:28 No. 677891 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144526850491.jpg - (38.65KB , 450x700 , MH46.jpg )

FLAME GOLEM: "She's doing fine! In fact i was out to buy her flowers for today's dinner! AND I SHOULD REALLY MOVE OR THE SHOPS WILL CLOSE!"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)08:29 No. 677893 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144526855273.jpg - (32.26KB , 770x400 , MH47.jpg )

Well... Good riddance.

Now where were we?

Apologise to the slimegirl about this whole thing. Don't explain what happened unless she asks. She might like a bit of mystery about you.

>>677893
what the heck Gnuk there's no way Johnny Bravo would ever get laid you've totally destroyed my immersion in this quest

We were standing with our back to a giant slimegirl. Oh! And looking for love! That too.

>>677896
Johnny was from a different time. Now guys like him get most action of all.

Also, Johnny Bravo almost got it on with a werewolf chick who actually liked him, but human Johnny had pleb taste.

>>677893
I hope you were not disturbed by that uncouth display. Where were we?

>>677898
>chick
Except on Wednesdays.

>>677896
Thing holding him back all along was not being permanently on fire.

Time to see how spooked that little confrontation left slime-gal

Now turn around and behold whatever circumstance has ruined our chances with the giant slime. Is she lezzing out with another monster girl that wants you to stop cramping her style? Is she actually a monster herm and your just not into that? Hurry up and turn around because the suspense is killing me.

Realize you're yet another example of the unlucky protagonist archetype, and as such, won't ever be able to get it on, since your continuous failings provide for a schadenfreude-fueled running gag to amuse the fickle audience.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)12:16 No. 677951 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144528219881.jpg - (74.42KB , 600x650 , MH48.jpg )

You turn around, and luckily the giant slime girl is still there.

Somehow you had the feeling something else would have happened.

The slime girl is still looking at you, inquisitively

"i like how you shaped your hair."

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)12:20 No. 677954 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144528241254.jpg - (68.65KB , 581x476 , MH49.jpg )

"AS I WAS SAYING! SALUTATIONS, MADAM! I HOPE YOU DON'T FIND ME TOO BOLD IF I SAY THAT YOUR CORE LOOKS VIBRANT! I HOPE THAT UNCOUTH DISPLAY HASN'T RUINED YOUR MOOD!"

GIANT SLIME: "Bloorp?"

"I'M SORRY, WHAT?"

GIANT SLIME: "Bloorp? Bluuuup blup, bloorp?"

of

fucking

course...

relax, she hasn't done anything to indicate a negative. and of the barriers so far "can't speak english" is the smallest.

Oh great she can't speak at least not in any language you can discern. We have to figure out a way to pantomime compliments at her.

Communicate your intent through pantomime.

>>677958
Yes. Gesture at her, then you, then THRUSTING MOTIONS.

I'm sure this will work perfectly.

Ask her if it would be okay if the two of you communicated through writing.

"Me Tarzan! You Jane!"

>>677954
Just because she can't speak English it doesn't mean she can't understand English! Try saying something nice about her to see what kind of reaction you'll get! If she looks happy, that means she can understand you. If she looks confused, then that means she can't understand you.

O-kay, you might be able to make this work if you establish that she can understand you. Ask her to give you a thumbs up sign if she can understood what you said and are saying.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)13:16 No. 677967 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144528576544.jpg - (72.87KB , 500x650 , MH50.jpg )

Ok, maybe she just doesn't speak common!

"FAIR MAIDEN, DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I SAY? PLEASE CLAP IF YOU DO!"

GIANT SLIME: "Blub?"

Well that was worth a shot...

Let's try another way.

You start gracefully mimicking your intentions.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)13:17 No. 677970 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144528584035.jpg - (60.23KB , 500x650 , MH53.jpg )

Hopefully the message is clear.

Humpy!!! Don't forget to wear protection! Slime acid is bad for your, um, knightly sword, if you get my drift.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/19(Mon)13:19 No. 677973 ID: 9dbbfb
File 144528596664.jpg - (79.51KB , 685x600 , MH54.jpg )

The giant slime stares at you for a second or two.

And then she bobs her head, as the message has been seemingly been understood.

She nods at you happily, with a smile!

Well, a slime smile you guess.

She doesn't really have a mouth to smile with.

But that's beside the point!

>>677973
Watch she's gonna be acidic.

Well, start taking off your armor and make with the foreplay.

it worked! let's head to her place.

This was easy. Too easy. But hey, you like them easy.

>>677972
He can use his scabbard.

>>677973
>inb4 obligatory failure

Hey, don't forget what I said >>677972

Well? get on with it!

>>677973
inb4 Flame Golem returns

Best case: slime secks.

Medium case: acid burns, worth it.

Worst case: nanogoo end. Still worth it.

Go for it.

Since I assume that this quest is going the direction of Leisure Suit Larry, and we haven't had that much trouble getting to this slime, we should be prepared for imminent failure. Just be careful not to lose your dick, you need that.

Just remember to use protection.

And when I say 'protection' I mean a Potion of Protection from Acid.

Start with fondling. Try to find some biological material to test her skin acidity, see what happens.

As for unprotected sex, you're not exactly the restraining type. Just make sure that you have housing for any spouses and kids and stuff.

>>678038
Armor Suit Humpy

Do slimes even reproduce through sex. Hope she doesn't think we just asked her to break dance or mosh pit or some other context where you flail around wildly.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)05:34 No. 678187 ID: cba532
File 144534447397.jpg - (75.83KB , 700x500 , MH55.jpg )

You ponder at the endless possibilities of harm and danger you might be put through if you get intimate with what is more or less a female-shaped pool of acid.

But as she lays down and joyfully invites you, your brains shuts down.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)05:40 No. 678188 ID: cba532
File 144534481392.jpg - (91.53KB , 650x600 , MH56.jpg )

You don't even take the time to remove your armor.
Luckily it will be dissolved by the time the foreplay is over, and then you'll be probably too busy to think about the burns.

You climb over the hips and belly of the giant slime.

It feels like walking on a water baloon. You imagined it would have engulfed you, but the surface tension of her body is enough to let you move, even if with difficult.

You finally reach her ample bosom, grasping it with your hand. You feel the slime beneath your hand squirm and giggle, as the slime smiles and releases a cute gargling laugh.

She lays down even more, stretching herself almost on the ground, her face moving away from your position, as you feel your grasp tighten on her breasts.

You have to think on what exactly to do, since you now realize this maiden i in fact at least four time your size

Stick your dick in it

Start from the top and work your way down.

>>678187
>>678188
>your brains shuts down.
Oh come on.

PROTECTION, Humpy. Use PROTECTION.

Work her up some more with some foreplay I don't think she has a crotch so I guess just gently push your hands trough her skin. After a while start caressing her core gently. I bet whatever that thing is it must be quite sensitive.

>>678193
What's more protective than a suit of armor?
Oh right, potions of acid protection! Better put ingest it before your inventory is eaten. Some of those might upset her stomach anyway.

Be tempted to stick it into the slime core.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)07:31 No. 678200 ID: cba532
File 144535148521.jpg - (88.45KB , 870x530 , MH57.jpg )

Under your gentle touch, the slime girl slips more and more down to the ground.

You realize that it should be time to finally get things started. And luckily you have a potion that should help you resist any acid damage.

Time to reach for it and take a quick sip. You turn slightly to fetch the item in your backpocket.

And something catches your attention.


Oh no...

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)07:34 No. 678202 ID: cba532
File 144535166508.jpg - (32.50KB , 641x517 , MH58.jpg )

TWAAAAAAAAAAAANG!

Hah but little did she know is that we know some things. A quick combat roll shall save you. Or maybe stab a sword into the ground.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)07:35 No. 678204 ID: cba532
File 144535172911.jpg - (34.06KB , 641x517 , MH59.jpg )

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

And I'm too late. FUUUUUU

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)07:36 No. 678207 ID: cba532
File 144535177110.jpg - (39.09KB , 641x517 , MH60.jpg )

*Inhales*

Use your erection to cushion the fall.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)07:36 No. 678209 ID: cba532
File 144535180561.jpg - (62.10KB , 641x517 , MH61.jpg )

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)07:39 No. 678210 ID: cba532
File 144535195270.jpg - (104.41KB , 600x600 , MH62.jpg )

WHAM!

Good thing your erection dampened the impact...

That could have been dangerous...

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)07:40 No. 678211 ID: cba532
File 144535204632.jpg - (74.84KB , 426x581 , MH63.jpg )

Alright...

Ok...

Today really doesn't seem to be your day.

At least that fall didn't cause any lasting damage aside for a slight migraine.

You are left to wonder where you landed though.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)07:42 No. 678212 ID: cba532
File 144535215684.jpg - (79.76KB , 574x601 , MH64.jpg )

???: "STOP RIGHT THERE TRESPASSER!"

You wish to have paid more attention during theology classes so you could have more gods to curse right now.

Instinctively disarm your assailants with your mighty erection - just as you did it with the sergal girl.

Is it goblins?

You know what? Use your @#$%ing sword and fight like a @#$%ing hunter and then @#$% the @#$%ing survivors.

You @#$%ing @#$%-loser, FIGHT BACK.

seduce them

Determine what your assailants even are before we go about deciding how to deal with them.

Answer any questions they have as honestly as possible. Falling out of the sky was an accident, you meant no harm. Once this is sorted out, go back to the swamp and try charades again with the slime girl. Maybe a circle-and-poke gesture instead of hip thrusting? She's clearly willing, just doesn't understand what you wanted. That's the best lead you've got so far.

Use your manly charm on the obviously female warriors.

Rind the realm of the danger caused by the roaming monsters. Take their stuff.

>>678236
>Rind
Since this seems to be the second time it's happening, I think the word you're looking for is 'rid'.

Otherwise, curse phone autocorrect.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)12:23 No. 678275 ID: cba532
File 144536901057.jpg - (108.36KB , 800x600 , MH65.jpg )

Probably due to recent events, your temper seems to have deteriorated.

You unsheat your sword and cut down the spears of the goblin guards that stopped you, roaring against them.

They flee in panic.

The act has calmed you down at least, even if you realize that you have no idea where you are still, aside for the fact that you apparently bursted through multiple walls. Which might explain the migraine.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)12:24 No. 678276 ID: cba532
File 144536909518.jpg - (78.88KB , 530x600 , MH66.jpg )

You kinda regret your burst of anger, since now there is no one around to ask where the exit is.

The slime seemed to be willing, you just probably needed to explain yourself better.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)12:26 No. 678277 ID: cba532
File 144536921345.jpg - (111.25KB , 772x649 , MH67.jpg )

You run through tunnels for a couple of minutes, until you find a larger door that looks promising.

Hopefully that's the exit.

WHAM!

You knightly open the door

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)12:27 No. 678279 ID: cba532
File 144536927987.jpg - (71.82KB , 500x500 , MH69.jpg )

GOBLIN QUEEN: "Uh?"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)12:30 No. 678282 ID: cba532
File 144536943785.jpg - (78.43KB , 500x500 , MH70.jpg )

GOBLIN QUEEN: "EH! UH! EUH! I CAN EXPLAIN!?!"

She seems to be startled by your presence, as she quickly hide things behind her back and assume a more appropriate position on the throne

"My queen! I have come to..."
Apply eyebrows.
"...woo you."

>>678282
Make a comment about her being interested in hunky humans and how you are one hunky human yourself, followed by a demonstration of your strength/beefiness/manliness.

YOUR HIGHNESS, I'VE COME FOR YOU...AND SO SHALL YOU FOR ME.

"i have come from the human kingdoms to meet one as fair as you"

>>678282
First, sheath your sword.

...she looks small. I bet it won't fit. Oh well, she has a mouth big enough. Explain how you got here. It should make for a funny story to break the ice.

(Bluff) I once posed for that magazine, you know.

>>678303
let's not lie, if he was in an issue of it then sure we can say that.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)13:45 No. 678318 ID: cba532
File 144537391124.jpg - (74.37KB , 800x475 , MH71.jpg )

You sheat your sword and approach the throne.

GOBLIN QUEEN: "AAAAAAAAAAH!"

"NO FEAR YOUR HIGHNESS, MY NAME IS SIR HUMPREY MCMANHAMMER! I COME FROM THE HUMAN LANDS!"

GOBLIN QUEEN: "I SWEAR MY INTEREST FOR THESE MAGAZINES IS PURELY SCIENTIFIC!"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)13:49 No. 678319 ID: cba532
File 144537419391.jpg - (60.49KB , 600x520 , MH72.jpg )

"SCIENTIFIC?"

GOBLIN QUEEN: "Y-YES! I mean yes! I... i'm studying the human habits and uses so that i can know them better... Wait you are a h-human... I-i am not planning anything weird I SWEAR! It's purely to learn more you know?"

She laughs nervously

GOBLIN QUEEN: "It's... it's more of an hobby. I am really interested in other cultures..."

You stand tall in front of her

"WELL IF IT IS KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE HUMAN HABITS MAYBE I CAN INTEREST YOU..."

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)13:50 No. 678320 ID: cba532
File 144537423778.jpg - (77.79KB , 600x520 , MH73.jpg )

"...IN A HANDS-ON LESSON?"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/20(Tue)13:55 No. 678321 ID: cba532
File 144537455624.jpg - (89.28KB , 800x535 , MH74.jpg )

You lean forward, flexing your pecs.

"SO, YOUR HIGHNESS, WOULD YOU BE INTEREST IN A CROSSED EDUCATIONAL EXCHANGE? WE CAN BOTH LEARN MUCH FROM ONE ANOTHER..."

You wiggle your eyebrows intensely

GOBLIN QUEEN: "B-by the g-gods is this really happening?"

She stares at your rock-hard abs and gulps, blushing even more while her breath becomes heavier and heavier

GOBLIN QUEEN: "B-but what about the ancient laws of goblinmountain that forbid the intercour-ha-hem- exchanges of informations between humans and goblins?"

"you are the queen, are you not? who can tell you what to do?"

>>678321
Keep up the smooth talk and reel 'em in.

Your dick + her = yes.

Mayhaps it is time to set a NEW precedent.

And I will do it with my helmet on.

SOMETIMES, MY QUEEN, WE HAVE TO PUT ASIDE TRADITIONS FOR PROGRESS TO OCCUR. DO YOU NOT WISH TO SEE ALL THOSE BENEFITS (move your other arm toward your belt) COME ABOUT BEFORE YOUR EYES?

>B-but what about the ancient laws of goblinmountain that forbid the intercour-ha-hem- exchanges of informations between humans and goblins?
You're the Goblin Queen, are you not? Seems to me that what goblin law says is your decree.

Would you care to achieve new... president? Erect a new canon of case law?

If she agrees, bar the doors so that you are not interrupted by pesky guards.

And Humpy, if it turns out you can't last two minutes with her, I swear my next command will be for you to fall on your sword.

>>678342
>bar the doors
That also goes for secret passages.

>>678321
It can be our secret. So long as nobody disturbs us. I'm sure a queen can arrange that.

FUCK THE LAWS

Also, are we secretly a member of the Holy Order of Love and Other Stuff?

>>678348
Humpy's not chaste at all so...No.

Wait.
Isn't she the girl whose husband mysteriously died recently?

We should be on our guard, just in case

>>678350
Goblin kings die all the time. There might have been a regular party of murderhobos going through a month ago. Or he died from too much sex.

>>678354
>Or he died from too much sex.
Then Sir Humpy has finally met his match!

Ancient law? Hah! Older than any kingdom, any mortal law, is the primal drive for thinking beings to observe, to explore, to... know each other.

That law is trumped by the law of THESE GUNS! [flex dramatically]

Get this over with before something ELSE happens.

>>678513
Absolutely, your highness. This humble ambassador would be honored to participate in a vigorous exchange of culture in your embassy. There are heavy matters thrust before us.

Need she even ask?

Edit: Give me a second...

All the images are somehow tilted if you open them in another window. Let me fix this.

Sir Humpy 2015/10/21(Wed)05:20 No. 678522 ID: 2be0da
File 144543004007.jpg - (136.51KB , 990x592 , MH75a.jpg )

The goblin Queen tries reluctantly to push you away, which might actually have been just an excuse to feel your abs

GOBLIN QUEEN: "I-i really can't! Goblin Laws are strict about this k-kind of stuff!"

"BUT, AREN'T YOU THE QUEEN? DOESN'T THAT MEAN YOU MAKE THE LAWS HERE?"

GOBLIN QUEEN: "..."

Sir Humpy 2015/10/21(Wed)05:21 No. 678523 ID: 2be0da
File 144543009906.jpg - (70.68KB , 600x625 , MH76a.jpg )

GOBLIN QUEEN: "CHAMBERLAIN!"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/21(Wed)05:23 No. 678524 ID: 2be0da
File 144543018514.jpg - (59.65KB , 820x500 , MH77a.jpg )

GOBLIN CHAMBERLAIN: "Yeeeees, your highness?"

GOBLIN QUEEN: "Am i allowed to change laws or make new ones?"

GOBLIN CHAMBERLAIN: "Of course, your highness. You are the queen..."

GOBLIN QUEEN: "Do you remember that whole law about human-goblin relationship? Delete that law"

GOBLIN CHAMBERLAIN: "I beg your pardon?"

GOBLIN QUEEN: "Did i stutter?"

GOBLIN CHAMBERLAIN: "N-no my queen. it will be done."

GOBLIN QUEEN: "GOOD! Now tell everyone else to not disturb me for any reason untill i say so."

GOBLIN CHAMBERLAIN: "A-as you wish, your highness"

Sir Humpy 2015/10/21(Wed)05:24 No. 678525 ID: 2be0da
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The queen comes back in the room and slams the door behind her

GOBLIN QUEEN: "Sooooooo... still up for that cultural exchange ?"

>>678513
Absolutely, your highness. This humble ambassador would be honored to participate in a vigorous exchange of culture in your embassy. There are heavy matters thrust before us.

Need she even ask?

Make with the forbidden love for the short time that it's still forbidden.

I believe you were examining my tracts of land. If you wouldn't mind I would like to admire yours as well.