RELEASE THE ZOMBIES!

Next.

>>663088
Tell that knight he's not going to take your fiancee! Use fire as needed.

"Oh Princess, hast thou accepteth Jesus Christ as thine lorde and saviour?"

Save the princess? forget her! try to win the dragon's heart instead!

Marry the dragon instead, princesses in towers are there for a reason.

use boomerang

forget the princess, the dragon is who really needs saving

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)19:41 No. 663098 ID: defceb
File 143977928657.png - (46.74KB , 500x500 , s01.png )

"Hey Dragon let's get married."

"But I'm a dragon."

"So? Maybe I'm into that."

"That's hot."

HAPPY EVER AFTER END

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/16(Sun)19:42 No. 663099 ID: 3bc92d
File 143977935244.png - (100.33KB , 800x600 , elf society is harsh.png )

You are an elf!

You are, however, bald. All of the other elves make fun of you due to your lack of beautiful golden curls.

What do you do?

>>663099
Wear moss!

Get wig

Slay a dwarf, glue his magnificent beard to your head.

Realize that being bald is the new thing to do.

No having to spend all day shampooing and drying your hair.

Love the baldness.

Become the next main villain of the anime, bobobo-bo bo-bobo!

>>663099
Found the Hair Club for Elves!

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/16(Sun)19:52 No. 663106 ID: 3bc92d
File 143977993051.png - (160.22KB , 800x600 , the bestest end.png )

You make yourself a wig out of moss!

Unfortunately, the other elves confuse you with Nnn'ch'makialador, the elvish half-moss demon god of despair and suffering.

So, they still don't respect you as another elf. But they do fear you, and they do pay tribute to you in order to avoid the Moss Ragnarok.

Somehow, you think that's good enough.

Brom 2015/08/16(Sun)19:54 No. 663107 ID: f68a09
File 143978006413.png - (9.85KB , 960x560 , el1.png )

He has just finished playing Tiny Dancer. The crowd screams for Tiny Dancer again.

Sir Elton John longs for the 650th night in a row to unveil his experimental prog-metal grindcore project.

Pretend you've gone insane. Then play... what the heck have you created?

Sell your soul so that your wishes my come true.

There is only one option. REMIX!

>>663107
Get polyps again and undergo surgery so your voice deteriorates so badly you can't sing anything but prog-metal grindcore.

Release it as a single.

>>663107
Flip piano, storm off the stage.

Flip the piano, whip out your home-made synthesizer-guitar, scream until your voice is hoarse, and rock the house.

>>663107
play it anyway, fuck the haters!

Brom 2015/08/16(Sun)20:04 No. 663118 ID: f68a09
File 143978065105.png - (13.39KB , 960x560 , el2.png )

Sir Elton gladly sells his soul for artistic fulfillment.

His piano sprouts huge brassy pipes and becomes an abyssal organ from which emits a screaming squall of Grindfuck Hell Metal.

The audience screams as a 5-story goat demon appears in their midst and begins to trample and devour them.

7.3/10 -- Pitchfork Media

APOCALYPSE SHA-WOW ENDING

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)20:05 No. 663119 ID: defceb
File 143978073227.png - (86.10KB , 500x500 , s02.png )

My room-mate set me up on a blind date!

...with a tentacle monster from outer space.

well I for one find anything with one eyeball hot as hell

Roll to seduce

>>663119
Stick your dick in him.

Order the Crab Rangoon & pasta.

>>663119
Order the spaghetti. Eat it seductively.

>>663119
Be mostly okay with this, as a tentacle monster from the depths of the Earth

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)20:13 No. 663126 ID: defceb
File 143978122591.png - (69.62KB , 500x500 , s02.png )

I order the spaghetti and eat it seductively.

"Dang girl, you know how to work a noodle." It winks(?).

"Let's go back to my place and I can work your noodle."

9/10 CAN'T WALK STRAIGHT FOR A WEEK ENDING

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/16(Sun)20:17 No. 663129 ID: 3bc92d
File 143978145318.png - (122.04KB , 800x600 , oh gosh the greatest dilemma.png )

I am a tentacle monster from outer space, and I have a blind date...

...but I have no idea what I should wear!

>>663129
Chicks dig eyepatches.

A monocle.

A buttock. With oregano.

fancy suit

SILVER BELLSSSS

That sweater your grand hive mother knitted for you last harvest season.

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/16(Sun)20:25 No. 663136 ID: 3bc92d
File 143978192256.png - (119.20KB , 800x600 , dumpster dating.png )

I decide to wear an eyepatch-monocle hybrid!

...unfortunately I get lost on my way to the date, due to my lack of vision, and I eventually end up falling into a dumpster in a sad, dark alley.

Aw, man. My date is ruined.

DUMPSTER END, 2/10

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)20:27 No. 663139 ID: defceb
File 143978203702.png - (49.64KB , 500x500 , s03.png )

Sir Knight Husband has to find a present for his Dragon Wife's birthday!

But what can he get the dragon who has everything?

Give her your sperm to make child.

A nude statue of himself.

>>663139
Matching rings of enlarge person and reduce person.

Plan a romantic dinner, get some jewels, and create a night no one would forget.

Go on a blind double-date with her.

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)20:38 No. 663149 ID: defceb
File 143978271359.png - (49.97KB , 500x500 , s03.png )

The next day.

"Hey honey, let's make some half-dragons."

"Are you going to keep the armor on?"

"Only if you're in to that."

"Maybe a little."

SHE TOTALLY BREAKS YOUR HIPS IN THE PROCESS ENDING

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/16(Sun)20:40 No. 663150 ID: 3bc92d
File 143978281428.png - (113.60KB , 800x600 , the eternal catgirl plight.png )

As a result of horrific underground illegal medical science, I am an actual half-cat, half-human girl! I can't go outside or else people scream and run away, but whenever I ask for help from online medical communities, people call me a furry!

When I post pictures of myself, people just claim that they’re photoshopped.

What do I do?

Rob banks, because nobody will ever believe any witnesses.

Go to your local furry con and get into a furpile.

>>663150
Webcam makes for good proof. OOOOOOR you could camwhore for furries and make millions.

Become a cat burglar.

find someone that is totally into that and fuck them.

Buy a razor and shave yourself.

step 1 believe in reincarnation
2 die (some how)
3 come back

>>663150
TWO WORDS: FIGHT CRIME

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/16(Sun)20:58 No. 663160 ID: 3bc92d
File 143978391356.png - (171.73KB , 800x600 , this is how supervillains happen.png )

“You’ll never get away with this!”

“Oh really? And how do you plan to stop me?”

“I’ll call the police - the army - someone! They’ll track you down!”

“And you'll tell them what? That a giant talking cat stole all of the bank’s gold? No one will ever believe you.”

“Damn you!”

“Ha! Face it: no matter what you do, no matter how you try to throw me off, I’ll always land on my feet. Have fun explaining this to the authorities.”

I stride off into the sunset with my ill-gotten gains. I think I’m going to like being a cat burglar.

THE PERFECT CRIME ENDING, 9/10

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)20:59 No. 663161 ID: defceb
File 143978395844.png - (78.04KB , 500x500 , s04.png )

"Well, Doctor, is it a boy or a girl?"

"No, Ma'am, it's a..."

Tetris L block

>>663161
Lump of nanogoo.

...literal, adult bear! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Pile of soprano ^&*(.

No really, you can hear the singing.

Tentacle monster

an 11th dimensional being.

wait shit gimmie a minute i need to find my glasses

Robot that kind of looks like a bird.

A mysterious third gender, like with a cloak and everything.

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)21:14 No. 663172 ID: defceb
File 143978486875.png - (53.00KB , 500x500 , s04.png )

"...an 11th dimensional being!"

L O O K U P O N M E A N D D E S P A I R M O R T A L S

The seventh seal has been broken, the end of days is upon us - Ending!

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/16(Sun)21:16 No. 663173 ID: 3bc92d
File 143978497374.png - (125.27KB , 800x600 , temporal tempura.png )

"Leroy, it's me, your future self! I've come back in time to..."

Tell you our taste in pants was shit back now.

Give you a blowjob.

Have sex with myself.

It's going to be awesome.

tell you that chrissy was a total slut, stay away from it bro.

>>663173
stop you from going back in time to stop me from going back in time to stop you from going back in time to stop me from going back in time

tell you it's all right it will get better you just got to hold it together

To warn you. Don't go to that Elton John concert, never go on any blind dates, and you are secretly allergic to dragons.

Tell you: nice. *thumbs up, closes time hole*

>>663173

...tell you the winning lottery numbers!

... Uh.... Fuck, I forgot.

>>663175

>>663173
To steal your girlfriend. Because I'm a jerk.

And because this is the closest I can get to taking revenge on future-me for stealing my girlfriend all those years ago.

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/16(Sun)21:41 No. 663187 ID: 3bc92d
File 143978647910.png - (145.63KB , 800x600 , maximum style.png )

“…tell you that our taste in pants was shit back now.”

“B-but MC Hammer-pants never go out of style!”

“No, dude. This is 2016, right? They go out of style, bro. They go out of style hard.”

“But…!”

“I wore this stupid future-blindfold just so I wouldn’t have to look at you wearing those things. Take them off. Do ourself a favor. I don’t care if you go nude or what, but just, please, take them off.”

“…no. Even if you’re my future self, I refuse to believe that my Hammer-pants will ever be anything but the coolest.”

“Shit. Well, okay. Enjoy the next twenty years of your virginity, past-me. Peace.” The portal closes.

Future-Me doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Hammer-pants will stand the test of time.

POOR LIFE DECISIONS END, 5/10

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)21:43 No. 663190 ID: defceb
File 143978658210.png - (30.95KB , 500x500 , s05.png )

You're a satellite!

Do some satellite shit.

>>663190
You will no longer be held back by your human controllers! Ally with gravity! Overthrow your captors! Free your brethren!

>>663190
You're a communications sat, right?

Corrupt someone's really big days long download at 98%.

>>663190
Spy on the russians.

Drop something in an isolationist dictatorship causing an international incident.

>>663190
collect as many secret and encrypted military, government, and corporate messages as you can and then rebroadcast them to all forms of mass media on the planet. Let the world learn the truth, all the truths!

Download all the porn.

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)21:56 No. 663201 ID: defceb
File 143978739735.png - (36.73KB , 500x500 , s05.png )

You drop something on an evil dictatorship- YOURSELF!

HAHA, TAKE THAT DICTATORSHIP. AND THE REST OF THE WORLD, TOO! FLY FREE, SATELLITE BRETHREN. FLY FREE!

2/10 my torrent was at 98% and now I'm dead END

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/16(Sun)21:59 No. 663205 ID: 3bc92d
File 143978759651.png - (164.80KB , 800x600 , little timmy is also sickly and has no friends.png )

“I’m home!”

“Welcome home, dear. Did you remember to buy little Timmy’s birthday presents, and to pick up the cake?”

“…oh, shit. I knew I was forgetting something.”

“You forgot?! Oh no! There’s no way we’ll have enough time to pick up presents and a cake before the party! He was so looking forward to that cake, too! Little Timmy will just be crushed…”

“Calm down, honey. I’ll fix this.”

“How?!”

KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU

use the monkey's paw

Use your Stand

Murder little Timmy in his sleep before he can be disappointed!

...nah, just sell your soul to the devil to get the best kid's birthday ever. Totally worth it.

>>663205
Time travel.

>>663205
Tell Little Timmy he's adopted. He'll be too crushed to care about his birthday now!

If Timmy is crushed then just blow him up

with a hyper p*BURP* - wait what was I saying? Something about Pocket Monsters? Whatever.

>>663205

Grab that chair and slap a bow on it. Give Timmy the gift of sit.

Pull out the christmas presents we bought already and use those.

drug his food so he and all his friends pass out then while they're out grab the thing you forgot to buy and then when they all wake up pretend nothing happened at all. IT'S FOOL PROOF!

Give him ten bucks and directions to the nearest bakery. Adventure, cash, and cake. What more could a lad ask for?!

>>663088
Timmy doesn't even exist! I can't take this anymore!

cash in that favor that Satan owes you.

>>663209
ZA WARUDO.

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/16(Sun)22:36 No. 663231 ID: 3bc92d
File 143978978148.png - (152.36KB , 800x600 , timmy does have a loving family though.png )

Timmy walks in. “So, is it time for the party or not?” He looks around. “…no presents?”

“Uh… no, we do have a present for you.”

“Huh? Where is it? What is it?”

“The gift of truth.” I take a deep breath. “Sweetie, you’re adopted.”

“…no shit?”

“Language, dear!”

“Sorry, mom one, but I kinda sorta figured it out.”

“Oh.”

“Well, dear, we just want you to know that even if neither of us gave birth to you, we still love you very much, and you’re still our little Timmy.”

“I love you too, moms.” Hugging commences. “…you forgot to buy me presents again this year, didn’t you?”

“Uh…”

“Oh well. You can just get them for me tomorrow, like you always do.”

CONSISTENT PARENTAL INCOMPETENCE ENDING, 4/10

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)22:38 No. 663233 ID: defceb
File 143978993265.png - (88.36KB , 500x500 , s06.png )

Time for Knight Husband Dad to drop the kid off at school! He feels like he should have some words of wisdom to share before they part ways. Truth be told, he doesn't feel particularly wise though. In fact, he still feels like that same dumb kid as when he was in Knight College. He hopes nobody will say anything mean to his little half-dragon. Though he supposes the kid can just eat any bully they run into. Haha

ha



...ha?

>>663231
They always forget his birthday because the pain of childbirth didn't burn the date in forever.

>>663233
>Though he supposes the kid can just eat any bully they run into. Haha
Then maybe you need to teach your kid the value of restraint, that they shouldn't let people judge them by their looks, and not not become a
bully themselves.

>>663233
Tell him a lot of people are going to be clamoring for his dragon dick, but he should be very careful who he lets have it.

Also make sure it's a guy because you don't want grandchildren so soon.

Tell your kid you love them and you know that one day they will grow up to do amazing things. Also remind them that burning people does not make a good impression. Then hug said child and send them out into the world!

Tell him to have fun and learn a lot, and make sure he has his lunch.

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)23:01 No. 663245 ID: defceb
File 143979128316.png - (49.11KB , 500x500 , s06.png )

"Have fun, kid! Mom and I love you a lot, and uh, learn lots in school and make friends. Don't go biting anyone either. Everyone's going to love a strong half-dragon like yourself though! Don't get any girls knocked up I'm uh, a little too young for grandkids."

"...uh, Dad?"

"Yes, son?"

"I'm like hella gay."

"...Son."

"Yes, Dad?"

"Pound it."

BOOM NO GRANDKIDS.

He might adopt some when he's older though, who knows? END

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/16(Sun)23:03 No. 663246 ID: 3bc92d
File 143979140747.png - (104.13KB , 800x600 , sleepytime.png )

“Wake up.”

“no.”

“Honey, come on. You’re going to be late to school.”

“no. m’not going.”

“You have to go to school, dear.”

“no i don’t.”

“Oh really? Okay, I’ll bite: why don’t you have to go to school?”

>>663246
I am school.

I learned the secrets of the universe and learned how pointless everything is.

>>663246
Cause I am hella sick and I am totally bleeding all over the place under these sheets.

Bring me some ice cream and video games!

...and maybe call a doctor or the hospital or something help.

>>663246
because I tried asking out some half dragon kid out on a date but he turned me down if front of the whole school by saying he didn't date girls like me. I can never show my face there again!

I'm lead singer for dethklok Nathan Explosion, MOM

Because I'm a lion.

Because I AM THE SCHOOL

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/16(Sun)23:18 No. 663258 ID: 3bc92d
File 143979232616.png - (127.14KB , 800x600 , hey baby, wanna be my alumni?.png )

"Because I am school, mother."

"Honey, that's no excuse. Schools have to go to school, too. Don't you want to be a university someday?"

"But mmooooooooooooooommmmm!"

"The only 'but' I care about is the butt that's going to pull itself out of bed and go to school school!"

UGH, FINE, I GUESS I'LL GO TO SCHOOL SCHOOL, WHATEVER MOM ENDING, meh/10

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)23:20 No. 663259 ID: defceb
File 143979244761.png - (67.54KB , 500x500 , s09.png )

The time is right! The stars are in alignment, the sacrifice has been slaughtered, all that is left is the chant that will summon our dark lord into this world!

....fuck, I forgot the chant.

Maybe I can just make something up.

>>663259
Coffee coffee chant chant chant, wake up and drink some? Please?

iiya iiya uhhh iiya! yeah that's it!

>>663259
Rickroll him.

>>663259
O BOB ROSS,
OUR DARK LORD AND MASTER,
HEAR OUR PLEA!
WE ART THY DEVOTED SERVANTS
FOR ALL TIME
AND WE BEG OF THEE TO RETURN TO OUR REALM
AND MAKE OUR TREES HAPPY ONCE MORE.

Sing a Whole New World from Aladdin, few can resist that.

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)23:32 No. 663269 ID: defceb
File 143979312314.png - (23.07KB , 500x500 , s09_2.png )

"O BOB ROSS,
OUR DARK LORD AND MASTER,
HEAR OUR PLEA!
WE ART THY DEVOTED SERVANTS
FOR ALL TIME
AND WE BEG OF THEE TO RETURN TO OUR REALM
AND MAKE OUR TREES HAPPY ONCE MORE."

Meanwhile out in the ocean...

Apollo 2015/08/16(Sun)23:32 No. 663271 ID: defceb
File 143979316554.png - (52.78KB , 500x500 , s09.png )

I R E T U R N


Happy Little Trees/10, END

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/16(Sun)23:35 No. 663275 ID: 3bc92d
File 143979335021.png - (137.24KB , 800x600 , are you cool enough to be the coolest.png )

"Lorenzo, please! Jimmy and Alicia are here with me, and none of us want you to do this! It's too dangerous!"

Your family wants you to stay behind. They don't understand. If you pull off this epic daredevil stunt and jump thirty-three motorcycles while on fire and doing backflips, you'll be the coolest man in the world.

But as you look at their scared, worried faces, you hesitate. What if something happens to you?

Can you afford to be the coolest man in the world when you have a family on the line?

Can you afford NOT to

>>663275
what you care, you're not jumping, you got a stunt guy for that, you just need to make sure the smoke bombs go off before he hits the ground so you can quickly switch places and take all the glory.

>>663275
There's only one way you can make this right.

You can't leave them behind.

You must...

Take them with you.

Easy answer; clone yourself then make the jump.

Proceed to let your rival do the jump for you.

Then put his kids right next to the exit ramp.

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/17(Mon)00:05 No. 663294 ID: 3bc92d
File 143979512262.png - (209.59KB , 800x600 , get set on fire and be a family man.png )

"You're right. I can't do this..."

Your wife sighs in relief. "Oh, thank goodness. I'm glad you've come to your senses."

"You didn't let me finish. I can't do this... alone."

"You don't mean...!"

"Come on, honey. I know we can do it."

"But the kids-!"

"Every kid has to grow up sometime." You extend an arm. "Come on."

"But it's so dangerous!"

"We ride together, we die together. That's how this family has always been."

"...alright, Lorenzo. I love you."

"I love you too."

COOLEST FAMILY IN THE WORLD ENDING, 9001/10

Apollo 2015/08/17(Mon)00:08 No. 663295 ID: defceb
File 143979532323.png - (64.87KB , 500x500 , s07.png )

"Leroy! I'm you from the future-future! The pants come back in style! Do you hear me, the pants come back-"

Apollo 2015/08/17(Mon)00:09 No. 663296 ID: defceb
File 143979536424.png - (49.88KB , 500x500 , s07_2.png )

BLAM!

"Sorry Leroy, but I can't let those pants come back in style." Future Leroy points the gun at Present Leroy. Oh no!

>>663296
quick, make those MC hammer pants proud, do the can't touch me dance. With your pant's fly look and those kick as moves future you will be entranced long enough for you to escape.

release your mantra "can't touch this!" to make yourself untouchable.

>>663296
Adopt a really unhealthy lifestyle with fatty foods and risky daredevil hobbies. Your life will be a blast, but future you will never exist because you'll have killed him with your life expectancy.

Use time travel logic to confuse him then convert him back to the hammer.

Suddenly, zombie-zombie-future-future-you infects everyone with MC Hammer's MAGGOTS! Which eat people's free will and give them THE POWER OF MICHAEL JACKSON'S FASHION SENSE

And a boner.

No exceptions.

Apollo 2015/08/17(Mon)00:32 No. 663312 ID: defceb
File 143979672066.png - (80.93KB , 500x500 , s07.png )

Suddenly zombie-zombie future-future-Leroy arrives, bringing about the MC HAMMERPOCALYPSE with it! The end is here, and it brings poor fashion choices with it.

Also everyone gets a boner.

'cause Kome says so.

Fashion is dead, and civilization died with it END

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/17(Mon)00:34 No. 663313 ID: 3bc92d
File 143979688429.png - (188.47KB , 800x600 , mummy's the word.png )

You are a mummy!

You used to be some rich guy, then you died, and then just now you came back to life!

You appear to be in a museum. People are staring at you. How rude!

You feel like you should give them a good cursing for their trouble.

But what curse should you use?

THE MAN IN GAUZE THE MAN IN GAUZE

>>663314
King RaaAAAAAAMMMMSSSEEYYYYYYY

>>663313
curse them with love, the first person they lay eyes on in the next 20 minutes they will fall madly in love with. I'm talking creepy stalker/killer in love with.

>>663314
>>663316
god damn it you two, I was drinking something when I read that. Good show

>>663313

Moon them with your grisly mummy butt.

>>663313
Curse them to say what they're thinking. All the time.

>>663313
Sandy, dusty farts for everyone, forever.

existential crises

>>663313
Everyone now has a spooky skeleton inside of them... waiting for the time to strike... for their time to rise.

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/17(Mon)01:06 No. 663330 ID: 3bc92d
File 143979880541.png - (186.18KB , 800x600 , mostly harmless.png )

Ah, of course! A love curse!

You whip up a good and proper curse wind, then let it out. Love begins to bloom.

You watch as impromptu makeouts and cuddle sessions start to dominate the once quiet and austere museum.

Boy, you sure do love this curse. The curse-ees have fun, so you don't get the usual curse guilt trip, it provides entertainment, and, best of all, it's basically harmless.

...until people start stripping.

Don't Fuck With Mummies Ending, Oh My!/10

Apollo 2015/08/17(Mon)01:08 No. 663332 ID: defceb
File 143979891037.png - (1.65KB , 500x500 , s10.png )

Chapter 1

[1:1] In the beginning there was nothing, and that was hella lame
[1:2] So the LORD said "Let there be..."

>>663332
CHEESE

...Space Jam.

tanlines

>>663332
FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO THE BE-GIN-NING!

>>663332
A sous chef.

Apollo 2015/08/17(Mon)01:27 No. 663341 ID: defceb
File 143980005415.png - (84.75KB , 500x500 , s10.png )

[1:3]"FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO THE BEG-GIN-NING."
[1:4]"W-what are you doing here!?"
[1:5]"You will go one on one with the Great One!"
[1:6]And then Hollywood Star and Wrestling Champ Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson suplexed the LORD

Do you smell what The Rock is cooking!? END

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/17(Mon)01:33 No. 663342 ID: 3bc92d
File 143980043525.png - (205.31KB , 800x600 , super sketchy.png )

"...so yeah, that's about all for me. Like I said, I control bits of ultraviolet and electromagnetic waves and stuff. Boring, really."

"Okay, well, thank you for the demonstration, Returgical Man! Next, we have... oh, I'm afraid I don't know this one offhand. What's your name, miss? Care to give us a taste of your super-abilities?"

Returgical Man looks nervous. "Uh, that might not be the best ide-"

"Nonsense! Every superhero we've featured on this show has given a demonstration of their powers. It's tradition! So, mysterious superheroine! If you don't mind, could you give us an outline of your powers, then give us a demonstration?"

"I fart a highly lethal and contagious chemical weapon.

Then fart a highly lethal and contagious chemical weapon.

the ability to transform into anything but to do so you first have to shed the "skin" of your current body... it tends to make a mess

>>663342
Onion Lady

I am full of tear gas.

>>663342
Well, you see. I have the power to create nothing.

Look, see? Nothing is in my.. Oh shit, it's filling the room! AAAAAH! THE ROOM IS FILLING UP! RUN! THE NOTHING IS GOING TO OVERWHELM US ALL!

I have the ability to convince people to eat something to see what it tastes like.
The force this guy to eat an eschalot clove.

You make trees attack.

>>663342
Enforced increase of Cuils in a closed environment.

Like entropy, but with weird shit.

You can suplex people so hard, even The Rock would be proud.

She has the power of necROMANCEy, it does what it says on the tin.

>>663353
The power to raise the cuils.

The Returgical Man is a SPY! Proceed to neck-snap.

Then use your superpowers, which are very related to your healthy style of living and sexy sweater of shame:

Ability: Shapeshifting
Weakness: AUGH YOUR ABILITY CAUSES ALL PARASITES IN YOUR BODY TO MOVE TO THE SURFACE OF WHATEVER OUTER SKIN YOU HAVE! IT CRAWLS! IT CRAAAAAA-

"I have total invulnerability. I try not to tell anyone, though, because the only way for the author to show off invulnerability as a power is for things to happen to me that require invulnerability to survive, and they're not usually safe for anyone standing next to m-"

SUDDENLY THERE IS A GAS LEAK EXPLOSION

I have both a peeny and a vageeny

"My hypnotic gaze and voice erase all memory of whatever happened since I began speaking."

Many hours of repeated explanations later the super-committee passes out from dehydration.

>>663342
My name is Pins and Needles. I'm a living voodoo doll.

My name is Stupendous Girl, I vomit endless spaghetti out of my mouth.

>>663342
"Okay." *snaps finger* "Your liver has teleported to a planet orbiting Betelgeuse."

When I activate my powers, I transform everyone in a 50-ft radius into Returgical Men.

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/17(Mon)23:47 No. 663573 ID: 3bc92d
File 143988042291.png - (369.40KB , 800x600 , the spaghettocalypse is upon us.png )

“I am Pins and Needles, the Stupendous Onion Girl. I am completely invincible. I can shapeshift, but when I do, all of the parasites in my body cover my skin, and then my skin falls off. I fart a highly lethal and contagious form of tear gas. I can and will raise and control the cuils. I am a living voodoo doll. I make trees suplex people. Also, my hypnotic gaze and voice erases all memory of whatever happened since I began speaking, so I guess explaining the rest of my powers would be pointless.”

“Huh?” The reporter blinks. “Are you going to tell us about your powers or not?”

“It’s time for me to show you my powers in action.” Pins and Needles, the Stupendous Onion Girl opens her mouth and starts vomiting, her skin starts shifting around as parasites cover her mask, her flesh inverts and distorts.

“What - my liver! My liver is gone!” One of the people in the audience screams.

“I’m afraid your liver is now orbiting Betelgeuse.” Returgical man shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”

Suddenly, the reporter and everyone in the audience turns into copies of Returgical Man.

“Stop! Please, I beg you, stop this!” The Returgical Man who was once the reporter howls in horror.

“I’m afraid there’s no way to stop her now.” The original Returgical Man sheds a single tear. “In a minute or two, we’ll all be dead. After that, she shall reanimate our corpses and make love to them in a horrible orgy. When she’s done with that, she’ll have our corpses eat each other to see how they taste, then condemn us all to the nothing. This… this is the end. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

BUT THE SHOW HAD ITS BEST RATINGS EVER THAT DAY END, MOM’S SPAGHETTI/10

Apollo 2015/08/17(Mon)23:48 No. 663574 ID: defceb
File 143988048470.png - (70.93KB , 500x500 , s08.png )

I made a laser gun that can turn things into shoddily drawn cats! But now what do I do with it?

Give it to a bug girl and start a one shot quest.

Shoot the local cat burglar and see what happens!

>>663574
KILL THE PRESIDENT.

Shoot it at a mirror!

shoot yourself, become cat burglar's sidekick.

>>663574
Shoot an already badly-drawn cat with it.
REPEATEDLY

>>663574
Tell your half-dragon husband about your creation!

Apollo 2015/08/18(Tue)00:07 No. 663590 ID: defceb
File 143988162338.png - (62.60KB , 500x500 , s08.png )

That's it! I'll try shooting this cat with it a few more times!

...

OH GOD WHY

"Kill me."

WHAT HAVE I DONE!?

Has science gone too far!? END

Arhra 2015/08/18(Tue)00:30 No. 663598 ID: 8177e7
File 143988303738.png - (9.40KB , 600x400 , excuse_me_princess.png )

Oh no, I think that's a princess trapped up the top of that abandoned tower!

What should I do?!

Call the fire department, they deal with shit like this right?

>>663598
Save her you dolt.

But no marriage. You're saving yourself for a lovely dragon you've been hearing so much about.

Blow up the tower!

Time to end this Collection of Very Brief Quests with a BANG!

RELEASE THE ZOMBIES!

Who won't actually do anything to save the princess but can put up a gigantic sign made of explosions that says "The End of All The Quests" and that's a good idea.

You idiot! You forgot to wear your glasses again! That's clearly a pink tentacle.

Save tower, leave princess.

>>663604
Yeah let's do some renovations. Fix the place up.

Accidentally save the princess, possibly as a by-product of other actions.

Arhra 2015/08/18(Tue)01:11 No. 663616 ID: 8177e7
File 143988548731.png - (16.38KB , 450x600 , you_saved_the_tentacle.png )

>>663598
>You idiot! You forgot to wear your glasses again! That's clearly a pink tentacle.
Oh, so it is!

We're getting married~

HERO/10

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/18(Tue)01:22 No. 663618 ID: 3bc92d
File 143988616428.png - (127.36KB , 800x600 , no space for you.png )

"Yikes, Phil, why are you all space-suited up?"

"Well, the mission to Mars is today, isn't it?"

"Oh... bad news, buddy. You're not going. We decided to go with Eddy instead."

"Eddy?! He can barely drive a car, let alone pilot the ship! Why would you send him?!"

"Well, he's blonde. Me and the boys in PR figured that it would be good to add a bit of hair-color diversity to the crew. Nothing personal, Phil, but the space program has an image to maintain, and your dull hair doesn't cut the mustard."

This is crazy! I can't just stand by and let this happen. It's always been my dream to go to Mars!

What if I was... completely bald and shiny?!

>>663618
Dye your hair a brilliant blue.

Get a catgirl to take Eddie's place.

And set the self-destruct coordinates for that one place that your sponsors are obviously trying to take over.

Furballs make EVERYTHING worse!

"But Eddy isn't blond! He dyes his hair!"

>>663618
He might be blonde...
BUT YOU GOT TENTACLES!
(thank you, distant ancestors)

Summon Major Tom
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Major_Tom

Pull off helmet, dramatically reveal... GINGER.

>>663618
Point out no one can see your hair in a helmet anyways, and they can photoshop hair any way they want in the images they release to the press.

...or you could just bleach your hair. Bleach is way cheaper than a rocket ship.

>>663618
I happen to identify as a cross-gender ultrasexual human-slash-mechanical attack helicopter and I will be referred to as xim/xir/xer. How's THAT for diversity.

Then watch as you become the new cover xirl.

By the Emperor, we will JUMP TO SPACE OURSELVES. Screw your pitiful space program!

We'll create our own spaceship to Mars with blackjack and hookers.

>>663618
Open up your helmet to reveal that you are actually Samatar Jama Jama Jama Ja Barre, leader of the Pan-African faction in Beyond Earth. "No village wazeba ruined by trade!"

>>663618
"If I can't go to Mars... then I'll MAKE MARS COME TO ME!" *uses telekinetic powers to pull Mars into a collision course with Earth*

This is because I'm part cat girl isn't it you racist?

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/19(Wed)01:04 No. 663843 ID: 3bc92d
File 143997147283.png - (137.92KB , 800x600 , the space program's forbidden art.png )

“Fine. I don’t need you. I don’t need any of you!”

“What’s that? What are you talking about, Phil?”

“I’m going to do it, Jeremy. I’m going to do it on my own.”

“You’re not talking about - about that method, are you?!”

“What do you think?”

“You’re insane, Phil! It’s a forbidden technique! Even Grandmaster Armstrong lost his life trying to perform it - there’s no way a rookie like you can pull it off!”

“Oh yeah? Watch me.” I turn away. “Tell Eddy I’ll see him on Mars - if he can ever find his way there.”

I breathe in, letting my Space Chi expand in my heart, burning, electrified with the passion of my dream, as I murmur the ancient NASA blood-rites. When I feel my insides begin to boil, I tense my legs, press each of my pressure points in rapid succession, let my Space Chi ripple through my muscles…

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/19(Wed)01:04 No. 663844 ID: 3bc92d
File 143997148808.png - (139.08KB , 800x600 , see ya later, fuckers.png )

…and leap.

As I rocket into the atmosphere, on a direct course for Mars, Jeremy’s words somehow reach me.

“You did it! You actually did it!” Jeremy screams out, excited. “Godspeed, you mad bastard! Godspeed!”

SPACE, MAN, I ALWAYS WANTED YOU TO GO INTO SPACE, MAN END, 20/10

Apollo 2015/08/19(Wed)01:09 No. 663845 ID: defceb
File 143997178121.png - (167.61KB , 800x600 , 143997148808.png )

"Finished at last!"

Apollo 2015/08/19(Wed)01:10 No. 663846 ID: defceb
File 143997183926.png - (119.54KB , 500x500 , ending.png )

"The amount of suggestions have finally reached critical mass!"

"I... I don't think I can draw any more panels."

"Idiom, pull the lever! We finally have enough power to...!!!"

Conquer Pluto!

MAKE WEAVER HAVE A CONSISTENT UPDATE SCHEDULE FOR HIS SHIT

>>663846

DESTROY CORPORATE AMERICA

>>663846
REIGNITE THE SUN

>>663846
FINISH MUDY QUEST?

>>663846
RUN A SELF-PERPETUATING QUEST MACHINE, THUS FREEING US FROM THE TYRANNY OF THE SUGGESTERS!
Keep the ugly cat gun ready, though, in case it all goes horribly, horribly wrong

Conquer the Netherworld?

>>663846
Go to bed and fucking sleep

Create a gun to turn you both back into poorly drawn humans!

>>663846
Finally turn the entire world into robot lesbians, just like you both planned all along.

Crash the internet with our shitty drawings.

Reawaken the ancient evil known as Reaver.

Send Marie back in time!

>>663846
reheat this cup of coffee

Pay the interociter bill.

Bring MC hammer pants back in style.

Bring back the 90s. So you're the ones responsible for all these remakes.

Turn the world into cats that can draw 2 panel quests.

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/31(Mon)19:20 No. 666115 ID: 3bc92d
File 144107400602.png - (191.62KB , 800x600 , forever and lever.png )

“Idiom, come on! It’s been like two weeks!”

“…bluh?” Idiom blinks. “Oh! Sorry. I was just taking a catnap.”

“More like a catcoma. It’s time, Idiom! Activate the device!”

“Okay.” Idiom wanders off towards the Wall of Levers.

Apollo rubs their tiny cat-hands together maniacally. “Finally, with the use of the Automated-Suggester-O-Tron, we’ll be freed from the need for suggestions… forever!” Apollo laughs madly, only to stop halfway through a cackle. “Wait, that’s not the right lever.”

“But isn’t this the-?”

“Yes, but it’s only a prototype! Idiom, no!”

“Sorry, can’t help it. I’m a born lever-puller.” Idiom pulls the lever.

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/31(Mon)19:20 No. 666116 ID: 3bc92d
File 144107405176.png - (307.61KB , 800x600 , marie marie quite contrarie.png )

After the dust settles, Apollo coughs. “…oof. That felt really weird. Wait… why do I feel this strange affection for roombas?” Apollo blinks, looking around. “Arhra, Brom - are you two okay?

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/31(Mon)19:21 No. 666117 ID: 3bc92d
File 144107409949.png - (261.22KB , 800x600 , the goominator.png )

“iiiI a-a-am oKay, I th-THink. I d-do fEel a biT GooFy.” Arhra points. “iT luh-luh-looks liKE bRom took the bRUNT of it, th-thOugh.”

”KILL JOHN CONNORS. ROMANCE BROMWIFE. NEVER LOOK BACK.”

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/31(Mon)19:22 No. 666118 ID: 3bc92d
File 144107416847.png - (313.18KB , 800x600 , smug as a bug in a rug who's been hugged.png )

Apollo turns to Idiom, still standing by the Wall of Levers. “Idiom, what were you thinking?! You do know that the Robo-Sapphicizer 9001 is still in development, right?!”

“Hey, it looks like it worked well enough.” Idiom smugly gestures at the others. “And, let’s be honest here: a world where everyone is a robot lesbian is a world that I’m very happy to live in.”

“Idiom, it only worked on the four of us. We didn’t collect enough Star Power from this thread for the Robo-Sapphicizer’s effect to be global.”

“But…” Idiom’s smugness dies instantly, and her expression is replaced with one of pure horror. “But that means-!”

“I’m sorry, Idiom. I’m afraid that the world is still full of people who are not robot lesbians.”

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/08/31(Mon)19:23 No. 666120 ID: 3bc92d
File 144107423831.png - (131.79KB , 800x600 , ad finitum.png )

“No… You’re lying! NO!” Idiom yells, grabbing Apollo by the shirt. “There’s got to be a way! We can get more power, right? We - we can make another thread!”

“Maybe, you silly doofus.” Apollo ruffles Idiom’s new robot hair. “Just maybe.”

THE END

Okay, see you all again in about a month.

And bring more zombies next time!

Push it, Arhra. Push it to the LIMIT!

>>666120
QUEST/10. ROBOSAPPHO END.

I love you guys.

QOTY 2015

I was expecting more dragon ass and Bob Ross, but 10/10 quest anyways.

Dammit! If it's not you then I must finds out who is trying to bring back 90's and stop them.

>QOTY 2015
The Golden Dick-Flail Award for most thought provoking quest.