Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/07(Tue)22:24 No. 653868 ID: 26e769
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I throw the door open, my heart beating quickly. I’m out!

I hear the door next to me open, almost at the same time.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/07(Tue)22:25 No. 653869 ID: 26e769
File 143633311573.png - (53.47KB , 500x500 , 3.png )

“Who’s there?” I turn to see.

…

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/07(Tue)22:25 No. 653870 ID: 26e769
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“AAH! A ROBOT!” We both leap backwards, away from each other.

“What?! I’m not a robot! You’re the robot!”

“Don’t try to confuse me. You’re clearly the only robot here.”

“Is this some kind of mind game, robot? Trying to get inside my mind? You can’t fool me! I’m human!”

“No, I’m the human!”

“You’re crazy! You are a crazy robot!”

This obviously insane robot is getting on my nerves, but we’re never going to get anywhere like this. What do I do?

Check your heads up display to see if you're a robot.

>>653870
Point out all their robot-like features!

Also where are you, are you in a prison?

>>653870
Sing "Human After All", any real human won't be able to pull if off perfectly.

Each of you, notice your reflection in the other's shiny metal head. You're a robot!

Fry anyone calling you a robot with your human laser.

Alternatively, ask the robot if they know where to find a mirror.

... Is this a turing test?

For now, try to recall where you are.

>>653870
PUNCH HIM IN THE ROBOT DIIIIIIIIICK

escape, use robot as meat shield when you find enemies, do not tell them your plan.

Oh and what's wrong with being a robot?

Here just do something a robot cannot do.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/07(Tue)23:33 No. 653886 ID: 26e769
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“Hey, why don’t you check your heads-up display? It should tell you whether you’re a robot or not.”

“I don’t have one of those, seeing as I’m a human and all. Why don’t you check yours?”

“Me? Please!” I puff out my chest. “Look at my stunningly human physique, and my beautiful human face! What, you think some robot could pull off this level of humanity?”

“But…!”

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/07(Tue)23:34 No. 653887 ID: 26e769
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“Psh, but then just look at you! Shiny, metallic, with those little ear-things and the wires and coils and all that - you practically scream robot.”

“Hey! Don’t point at me! Besides, if anyone has those, then it would be y-“

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/07(Tue)23:34 No. 653888 ID: 26e769
File 143633729058.png - (73.98KB , 500x500 , 7.png )

“Why, if you weren’t a robot, why would you be in the Cybernetic Labyrinth of No Return, built by, owned by, operated by and containing robots, exclusively?!”

“If it only has robots inside, then what about you?”

“Well, I’m the sole exception. Obviously.”

>>653888
If you are in the labyrinth then, and aren't a robot, maybe the robots can't tell you aren't a robot? Time to find the staff or a random technician.

>>653888
Yeah and you were imprisoned here by mistake so c'mon robot help me get out.

It could be that both of us are defective robots that think they're human!
Or conversely, we're wrongly-roboticized humans that were tossed into the dungeon-labyrinth because they think we're defective robots that think we're human. Well, anyway we're breaking outta here!

OK, try this one on the robot: imagine you're walking through the desert and the sun is out and it's hot and then you find this tortoise that's stuck on its back. What do you do?

Non-robots: examine your completely human and non-metallic arms. And legs. And chest.

(Someone freak out over a missing rack).

How would anyone know its contents if it has no return? For that matter, if it is all robots why do they call it Cybernetic instead of Robotic?

Only robots would be terrified by being locked in a maze of cybernetic doom. So you're fine. You're totally fine. You can do a few checks to make sure you're not a robot, though they're not a guarantee just because you pass them. Humans can 1) Recall memories of their life as a human, and 2) bleed.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/08(Wed)17:01 No. 654054 ID: 26e769
File 143640006894.png - (78.52KB , 500x500 , 8.png )

“If you’re really a human, then answer me this: you’re walking along in the desert when you come across a tortoise on its back. What do you do?”

“I eat it.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Not even a question.”

“No hesitation, no regrets.”

“Sorry, tortoise. That’s just life.”

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/08(Wed)17:01 No. 654055 ID: 26e769
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“Anyway, can you help me get out of here or not, robot?”

“Still not a robot. Besides, what exactly are you suggesting?”

“Well, they must have put you in here for some reason or another. What are your skills? How can we help each other out of this mess?”

“I…” The robot fidgets nervously. “I do have this tattoo.”

“Tattoo? What use is a tattoo going to be?”

“Well, when I found out I was going to be sent here, I got a tattoo of the Labyrinth’s layout on my chest, so I could escape.”

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/08(Wed)17:02 No. 654056 ID: 26e769
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“Wait, if it’s on your chest, then how were you planning to read it?”

“…um.” The robot slumps slightly. “I, uh, I kind of didn’t think that part all the way through, I guess.”

“C-can I look?”

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/08(Wed)17:02 No. 654057 ID: 26e769
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“What?! No! I couldn’t - I wouldn’t show my - not to a complete stranger!”

Relax, we're all human here. We're obviously both stuck in suits of robotic armor, brought here by mistake.

>>654057
Well damn I guess you gotta buy her dinner.

See! Totally a robot. Humans don't punch that hard. (You're the robot! Humans can't crash and take a fall that well!).

>I can't show you
I don't suppose you can pull your shirt over your head and sort of crane your neck to get a look?

Failing that, I guess we need to look for a mirror.

>total stranger
Oh right! Introductions. I'm Syl. *offer hand* Who might you be?

You pushed me really hard and far. Only a robot with it's robot strength could do that.

Then we should run around in this maze together until we're not strangers anymore and you admit that it was stupid to waste time before reading the map!

Well robots built this place right? That should mean there is something shiny for her to use to with a reflixtive surface that she can use to read the map. Just reminder her that reflections are backwards, you know how much trouble robots have with little mind tricks like that.

Let's stop arguing about which of us is deluded and which is the true messiah and instead review whatever assets we have that might be relevant to escaping a doom labyrinth.

>>654057
>“What?! No! I couldn’t - I wouldn’t show my - not to a complete stranger!”

Obviously we need to get to know each other better, wink wink nudge nudge. Start by holding hands, then escalate to rubbing your perfectly normal human noses together.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/08(Wed)21:14 No. 654143 ID: 26e769
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“Why stay strangers? My name’s Syl. What’s yours?”

“I’m Quinn.”

“Well, then.” I get down on one knee. “My dear Quinn. Would you be my date for dinner this evening?”

“Oh, oh, oh my gosh!” Quinn squirms in a flustered, shy way. “I - oh - okay!”

“Wonderful! Follow me.” I take Quinn’s hand and quickly lead the robot down the hall.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/08(Wed)21:15 No. 654144 ID: 26e769
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”Here we are! The Cybernetic Cafeteria of Occasional Returns!"

“If you say so. Huh. Syl, where do you suppose everyone is? I would have expected some guards, at the very least.”

>Huh. Syl, where do you suppose everyone is? I would have expected some guards, at the very least.
Maybe they think the maze is good enough to keep people trapped without guards.

>behind you
Oh look! A reflective surface!

Cue "aaah Ima robot!" freakouts.

feel a presence behind you turn around, be surprised by the new robot, realize it's a mirror.

>>654144
Maybe the outside world is in the midst of chaos and they need every robot available to fight the enemy?!
Or maybe everyone went on break at once to have a party.

Is there anyone serving food? Or do you get to serve yourself? Ask Quinn how robots eat anyway.

Eat something with your human face!

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/10(Fri)18:12 No. 654808 ID: 26e769
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“Huh?”

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/10(Fri)18:13 No. 654809 ID: 26e769
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“AAH! A ROBOT!”

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/10(Fri)18:13 No. 654810 ID: 26e769
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“Whoa! What’s going on?”

“I think there’s another robot around here.”

“Oh no! Where did it go?”

“I’m not sure. It must have run off.”

“Should we stay here? It might come back!”

Oh no! Dozens of tiny robots, on the floor!
It's a mirror you bucket of dolts.

>>654810
It's okay. I'll protect you!

Wait, why should assume this new robot would be hostile? The one you found so far is friendly, just a little crazy.

Disregard robot and go find something to munch on.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/13(Mon)01:48 No. 655600 ID: 26e769
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“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you!”

“W-whoa! Cool!”

“Any time.” I flex nonchalantly.

“I feel a lot safer with someone watching my back.” Quinn gives me a shy little pat on the shoulder. “Now let’s go look for food.”

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/13(Mon)01:49 No. 655602 ID: 26e769
File 143677739040.png - (93.96KB , 500x500 , 18.png )

We head into the kitchen.

“I found burritos!” Quinn exclaims.

“Awesome! Bring them over here.”

“Oh, wait, never mind. Their expiration date was in 1973.” Quinn makes a disgusted sound. “...and, on closer inspection, they’re basically something out of the distended nightmares of a twisted, diseased mind. Let’s look somewhere else.”

“Okay. Oh, hey, I think I’ve found something!”

“What is it?”

“Hold on, let me check.”

I pull the stuff out of the future-robo-refrigerator-pantry-cupboard. This looks like all of the makings for any sort of fancy dinner I could imagine - as well as a fine selection of scented candles, hand-stitched Peruvian cloth napkins, and a number of fine wines.

Gosh, what should I do with it all?

>>655602
Carve a rose out of some kind of orbicular vegetable, no fancy dinner is without one!

Important question: do you know how to cook with any of those fancy dinner fixings.

Obviously you should sweep her into a seat, set the table, and set about making a romantic meal

Use your built in flamethrower to light the candles. And the napkins. And the room. It must burn. It must all BURN.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/18(Sat)00:17 No. 656671 ID: 26e769
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“Do have a seat, Quinn.”

“Oh, this is lovely!”

“Only the best for you, my dear.”

“Is there food?”

“But of course! First, however, I must light the candles.”

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/18(Sat)00:18 No. 656672 ID: 26e769
File 143720389239.png - (113.54KB , 500x500 , 20.png )

I activate my built-in flamethrowers. “Burn the candles, burn the plates! Ha ha! Everything must burn!”

Quinn watches shyly. “How romantic…”

A few moments later, it occurs to me that I may have overdone things a little.

Well continue on your gallant adventure of escape.

Since you are not robots, if robots catch you in the Cybernetic Labyrinth of No Return, which is owned by, operated by, and exclusively for robots, won't you get in trouble? Use the tablecloth as a disguise as you sneak back out into the hallway.

She seems to like it anyway. Go get the food!

Just whip the smouldering tablecloth off while leaving everything else in place. Like that trick magicians and fancy butlers do.

>I activate my built-in flamethrowers.
Humans have built in flamethrowers?

>A few moments later, it occurs to me that I may have overdone things a little.
Not if you use asbestos plates!

>>656672
Pfft, the table's fine, lets go grab some HUMAN food from behind whatever counter this place has.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/22(Wed)23:32 No. 657626 ID: 26e769
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I pull the burning tablecloth away, leaving everything else on the table.

“Amazing!” Quinn claps.

I tie the burning tablecloth around my neck as a disguise. With the same motion, I sweep Quinn into my arms and pose dramatically.

“We must continue our grand adventure! Come, Quinn!”

Quinn nods, gazing up at me in wonderment and surprise. “…no, wait! Shouldn’t we use protection?”

oh, yes, armor. use saw t cut table into a shield.

We're plenty protected already! Robots can't catch you if you're on fire.

Good thinking, Quinn! Run a diag on your perfectly human short-term energy shield.

You'll take responsibility.

It's dangerous to go alone! Take...uh...table?

>Shouldn’t we use protection?
...from what?

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/24(Fri)18:40 No. 657877 ID: 26e769
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“Protection? From what?”

“Uh, well, you know…” Quinn squirms. ”That.”

“The fire? Hah, don’t worry about that. The fire is my protection! Robots can’t catch me if I’m on fire.”

“That’s not it.”

“Then what are you so afraid of? Whatever it is, don’t worry. I’ll take responsibility.”

“Well… I was kind of suggesting we-“

Suddenly, the wall behind us explodes open!

”IDENTIFYING SELF: I AM THE SMOKEY-22-L, THE FIRE-FIGHTING AUTONOMOUS ROBOTIC PROTECTOR OF AMERICAN INTERESTS.” The robot stands still for a moment, then beeps loudly. ”A FIRE HAS BEEN IDENTIFIED. NOW PREPARING MAXIMUM LEVELS OF FORCE.”

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/24(Fri)18:41 No. 657878 ID: 26e769
File 143778848526.png - (104.54KB , 500x500 , 23.png )

We run for our lives from the torrential onslaught of fire-fighting missiles, rockets, lasers, genetically-engineered flying hyenas, flamethrowers, and incendiary grenades.

“Drop the dumb tablecloth, Syl!” Quinn yells. “Drop it now!”

“But it’s the perfect disguise!” I shout back. “Besides, I can’t just light something on fire and then leave it on the ground! That would be irresponsible.”

“A CONFESSION OF ARSON HAS BEEN IDENTIFIED.” The Smokey-22-L beeps again. “THE AUTHORITIES HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED.”

“Dang it!”

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/24(Fri)18:43 No. 657880 ID: 26e769
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“Quick, over here!” Quinn grabs my arm and pulls me into an uncomfortably small broom closet, shutting the door.

“Quinn, I think this might be the end for us.”

“Aw, this sucks! I was just about to get laid, too.”

>>657880
Oh is that what you meant. I thought you weren't that kind of girl. Does this mean I can see your map now?

Oh? By who?

There's only one way to defeat the Smokeybot, Quinn. We must SYNC our HEAT into a GIANT LASER!

>“Aw, this sucks! I was just about to get laid, too.”
You were? But with who...

Ooooooh.


Perfectly human mega-blush, go. Realize in what close proximity you are, pressed up all hard against each other, with maybe only moments to act...

Engage human subroutine: desperate makeouts / last chance at getting laid in the face of looming death. Get distracted / interrupted when you discover a secret escape from the closet on the boobs-map.

>>657880
Let me guess, the broom closet is actually a giant railgun for shooting robots. And frying humans via electrical fire.

Overclock your flamethrowers to spit a single fireball at Smokey. Aim for center mass, you need to set him on fire for a few seconds.

get awkward human boner.

Time to explore the map for possible escape routes... responsibly.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/25(Sat)18:49 No. 658044 ID: 26e769
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“Oh? By who?” It takes me a moment. “Oh. Ooooooh.”

“Yeah, but then we got interrupted, and now we’re going to die. Which sucks.”

“Well, we could still try.”

“Heck, why not?” As close as we are, we get closer. “Mmm…”

“Oooh! Hee hee.”

“Hey, there’s the map.”

“Oh, just forget about the map, would you?”

“No, but look! If I’m reading this right, then we’re in the middle of a… nonnac epacse?”

“A what?”

“I’m not sure. Let’s see, there’s apparently a switch hidden right around…”

Click.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/25(Sat)18:50 No. 658045 ID: 26e769
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BOOM.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/25(Sat)18:51 No. 658046 ID: 26e769
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“Oh, it wasn’t a nonnac epacse, it was an escape cannon! Sylly me.”

“Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do.” Quinn harumphs.

“It’s not that bad, Quinny. We’re flying!”

“I’m like eighty percent sure that that’s not how gravity works, Syl.”

>>658046
Grab her hand and start singing "A Whole New World".

What else are you supposed to do when flying?

Maybe, but we can still have a controlled descent.

Activate your totally human thrusters. Or use the flamethrowers for thrust.

You're so full of hot air, I bet you'll float.

open wings.

Catch your comrade before you try anything.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/25(Sat)23:37 No. 658135 ID: 26e769
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“Syl, how are we going to get out of this?”

“I’ve got an idea.” I grab Quinn’s arm. “I can show you the world…”

“No. Syl. Please stop.”

“Shining, shimmering, splendid…”

“Syl, I swear, if these are the last words I ever hear, I’ll-!“

“Tell me, princess, when did you last let your-*”

…

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/25(Sat)23:37 No. 658136 ID: 26e769
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…Ack. Ugh.

Mouth full of saltwater. Suit… suit full of seawater. I need to… I need to…

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/25(Sat)23:38 No. 658137 ID: 26e769
File 143789271583.png - (139.71KB , 500x500 , 30.png )

Whew! That’s better. I can breathe again.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/25(Sat)23:39 No. 658138 ID: 26e769
File 143789275646.png - (76.69KB , 500x500 , 31.png )

Hey, I survived the fall! And I escaped! Awesome. I mean, I guess they’ll have to rename it to the Cybernetic Labyrinth of No Return (Except For That One Time When Someone Returned), which is less cool, but other than that? Everything’s turning up Sylvia.

…although I do still have this weird feeling that I’m forgetting something.

>>658138
Rescue your friend from the cruel waters of the ocean.

Save the Quinn. Save the world.

Toss your long flowing hair out as a lifeline to Quinn!

>>658138
The tits that saved your life are busy drowning behind you.

You forgot the robot.

Use your CYBORG AUGMENTATIONS to save Quinn.

Ponder the implications of being a robosexual.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/26(Sun)17:06 No. 658323 ID: 26e769
File 143795561772.png - (55.88KB , 500x500 , 32.png )

Oh no!

I dive into the water, grabbing wildly at some large shape. Luckily, it turns out to be Quinn.

“I’m drowning! I’m drowning! Nooooo! I’m going to get eaten by sharks and sea bears and it’s all Syl’s fault!“

“Hey, Quinn, relax. I’ve got you.”

“That’s just what a shark would say!” Quinn flails wildly.

“Can a shark sing? I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder…“

“Syl! It’s you!”

”A WHOLE NEW WOOOOORLD-”

“Okay, Syl, I get it. Please, please stop singing.” Quinn falls back onto the ground. “Ugh… I’m so waterlogged, I can’t even see. Can you help me take off my helmet?”

Helmet?

…No way.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/26(Sun)17:07 No. 658326 ID: 26e769
File 143795567506.png - (133.81KB , 500x500 , 33.png )

I grab hold of Quinn’s face and pull.

…oh.

>>658326
...is there a second helmet under that one?

Oh well, who cares. At least she's got nice tits.

>>658326
Feel betrayed. Say "I feel betrayed."

yeah, be thankful that of all the robots you are stuck with, you are stuck with the one with tits.

Pull off your secondary facemask and make out circuitboard-to-circuitboard.

Wait, how did a robot get a tattoo?

Are we a girl or a long-haired bishounen guy named Sylvia?

>>658326
Show her your FROWNY FACE.

Why didn't you tell me you were a robot? And why am I still kind of turned on?

Knock him unconscious before he decides to "burn your robot face".

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/27(Mon)00:40 No. 658452 ID: 26e769
File 143798281236.png - (78.39KB , 500x500 , 34.png )

Whoa! Quinn really is a robot!

Wait, does that mean that I’m holding Quinn’s face in my hands?!

How did a robot even get a tattoo?

Is it weird that I’m still kind of turned on?

…am I a robosexual?!

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/27(Mon)00:41 No. 658453 ID: 26e769
File 143798286389.png - (104.57KB , 500x500 , 35.png )

“Hey!” Quinn calls out to me. “Syl, what are you looking at?”

“Uh, I, um…”

“Gosh, you’re so lazy. Couldn’t you have at least taken the whole thing off before you started performing Shakespearean monologues with it?”

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/27(Mon)00:41 No. 658454 ID: 26e769
File 143798289201.png - (97.06KB , 500x500 , 36.png )

“Quinn?!”

“Oh, hello, Syl~”

>>658454
Now kiss.

find shelter.

>>658455
Yes, resume your makeout session!

Headbutt, see if you can pull off another mask.

What's the deal with the eye markings? Are you from separate tribes and have to fight to the death now or something?

My question still stands.

Is Syl a long-haired bishounen?
Is Quinn a short-haired gal?
Which one of us has tits?

Who are you and what have you done with Quinn!? SUSPICIOUSSSSS!

Hold hands and take a long romantic walk directly uphill, toward civilization.

>>658484
>Which one of us has tits?
We all do. The tits were inside us all along.

Death defying makeouts and getting laid now. Introspection on sexuality and/or robosexuality later.

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/27(Mon)22:31 No. 658753 ID: 26e769
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“Is that really you, Quinn?”

“It’s really me, Syl.”

I grin. “I don’t know, you still seem pretty suspicious…”

Syl!5tTWT1eydY 2015/07/27(Mon)22:31 No. 658755 ID: 26e769
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“Let’s put those doubts to rest.”

And so they connected USB ports.

THE END

>>658756
Well i guess we did achieve our objective.

Welp, time to go home.

Best end.
Thank you ApiomIdollo.

The subject of tits hasn't been sufficiently explored though. What a cliffhanger.

(jk, cool story OP)

>>658819
Tits-hanger.

>>658824
Cliff-hooter.