Why hello there orb voices! I am Dumy, a bard of some renown among my people. I have come to spread my art to all lesser creatures of the land! One of your kind threw you to me to aid me in my quest. I stored you in my belly for safekeeping. Will you help me?
Hey sup. Sure we'll help. Just need a few questions answered first. You male or female? Got any sisters?
What the fuck are you?
Sure, I suppose. You appear to be some sort of malformed doobie, is this correct?
>>38525 I'm a doobie! >>38527 I'm a doobie! >>38530 Yes. I seem to be on this balcony. I hear some terribly singing from inside.
SING THEM THE SONG OF YOUR PEOPLE!
>>38533 Incestigate the source of the singing.
Jump off the balcony. Land head first. It'll be great, trust me.
>>38534 >>38535 Ok! >"What? Who's that?" "DEEEERPAA DUURR! DERKA DERPA DEYARGG! GURGLE DURP DERPP!" >"AAAAH! HELP ME"
>>38538 She is clearly smitten by your brilliance! Finish your song and get close to her all smooth like.
Hark! some manner of hideous beast cries out for help. It is our duty as a superior being to save the poor thing.
>>38538 It's clearly some disgusting monster with messed up eyes, slay it for XP and gold.
where is our one string banjo?
>>38539 "DERPA durp DAuUua-uuh!~" >"AAGH GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!" She must like it. I can't really tell with these lesser races, but she's certainly flailing a lot. >>38542 I think it's just applauding. >>38544 I'm a lover, not a fighter! >>38545 it's right ov- Where is it? I guess I must've forgotten the darned thing.
>>38557 She turned her behind to you. In lesser races like house cats and some canines it suggests that the female is ready to mate. Put a Q-Tip™ in some of that warm water and insert it into her gently. That should subdue her urges, at least for the while.
How cute. She's presenting. She must be dazzled by our brilliant charisma. We should give it our embrace. It's an ugly thing, but showing our favor would be a nice mercy to bestow upon it. then take some of it's clothes. We'll need to blend in.
>>38558 What's a kyu tip? >>38560 Embrace that thing? That's disgusting! But Dumy trust you.
>>38563 No don't, think of your superior Doobie genes.
>>38563 A Q-Tip™ is short for Cooter Tip, and as the name implies it is used on cooters. Basically, it's a stick with a soft end. You can ghetto rig one, so to speak, by wrapping the end of anything stick-like with cloth.
>>38566 Oh, okay. >>38565 >>38560 So maybe just a quick noserub? That's what these lesser things do isn't it?
>>38574 Rub her nose until the red liquid of happiness flows. You might have to rub hard.
>>38577 Okay!
>>38589 Now punch it in the face to establish dominance.
>>38589 These things get quiet and affectionate after the act. If it still is excitable and loud you need to cool it off. Shove it under water until it calms down.
>>38600 >>38603 No, it looks like it went to sleep. Wow, look at all that happy juice. She must've really liked that noserub. So now what? Ooh yeah! Clothes! I'm sure she won't mind.
Make sure you pick something frilly and pink~
The lesser thing has a lot of clothes! But they're so confusing! Help me with them, please? [You know what to do]
SO PRETTY
Don the outfit of the greatest fighter who ever lived!
>>38617 As a Doobie, you deserve only the best outfit that the lesser races have to offer. With this dress of princessy splendor, all will stare upon you with appreciation and envy at your superior superiority!
I am so confused and scared right now ;_;
SING THEM THE DONG OF YOUR PEOPLE
I was coerced
>>39561 Why does that make the doobie way more terrifying than most characters in gimp outfits?
>>39738 Because it's a doobie, obviously.
GLORIOUS! I look just like the lesser things. And she had most of those things in her clothes-box-thing. Ok, now what should I do?
>>40499 I dunno. Pocket all manner of expensive looking things and get outa there.
>>40501 What's this? Is is expensive?
Yes that is actually called an expensive. Get as many expensives as possible. They are valuable.
>>40509 Actually, valuables are a bit longer and have a cutting edge on side.
>>40499 That lower being was a princess and I think you just performed the marriage rights. By tradition half the kingdom belongs to you on such occasion so go claim what is yours from the king. This is an opportunity to show these lower beings that only doobies know how to run a goverment perfectly.
>>40509 Righto, I don't think I have any of those pockets, but I'll just stick these expensives in here as I find em. >>40511 Oh so... Ok. I'll collect all valuables and expensives. >>40515 What's a government? And who's this king guy? A doobie?
>>40518 A government is a kind of wheeled vehicle with a hot-air balloon attached. It relies on fart power to travel. I had assumed you'd know this, since doobies invented them.
>>40525 Oh those! Yeah uh... I am the best Government driver in the world! Man those things are awesome. Ok, so now I gotta go find this king dude so I can get my Government, right? Now where would such a person be? [animation] Uh-oh.
>>40534 I think the government guy is outside somewhere. Don't bother using the door, it is clearly broken, otherwise why would it make noises at you? Just jump out the window, your superior doobie body will keep you safe.
>>40534 Shit, the door noticed you!
>>40538 Yeah I guess that makes sense. Stupid door. No wonder the lesser creatures are so wretched. Living in these stuffy stone things instead of out in the fresh air. I'll just get back on the balcony then.
>>40540 Whoa that's high. Scary.
>>40542 Look, there is a green rope going down the wall! Slide down it in the way only a doobie can!
>>40543 YYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~
>>40545 Fuck yeah that was intense! Punch whoever fell beside you and SCRAM
>>40550 but it could be the government guy!
>>40552 >>40550 "WHEEERE'S MYYY GOVERNMEEENT?" >*stifled groan*
>>40554 It seems he is refusing to talk! Throw your headwear on his face to show him you mean business!
>>40555 He's opening his mouth a little. Oh ok, I know where to put my eyepatch.
>>40554 Tell him to give you all his valuables and expensives.
>>40557 And maybe some collectibles, commodities, and resources while he's at it!
>>40557 >>40563 "GIMME ALL YOUR EXPENSIVES AN VALUABLES!" >*nodnod* "And all your collages an an commodes an residues too?" >*puzzled look* Oi what's this then? A bag? That's not a valuable!
>>40571 Look INSIDE the bag, SHINY STUFF might be there!
>>40571 It's trying to trick you. Take everything except the bag, especial those things protruding from it's head. Those are like jewelery for the lesser beings.
>>40578 >>40573 But what if it's just pretendin to trick me so that I won't take the bag? Ha! I'm too smart for the miserable lesser creature. I'm keepin the bag!
Good job derp. Now punch that tower to show it whos boss.
>>40605 Yeah, punch the SHIT out of that tower. Show your displeasure that the government guy hasn't shown up to give you stuff!
>>40605 >>40611 Okay.
What are those lines? I don't like the looks of them... keep punching! Harder!
>>40622 "I WANT MY GOVERNMENT!"
Oh god! theres more lines! Run away!
>>40646 The tower looks like it is going to try to hurt you! But with your incredible doobie intellect, you know that if you get away from it, there is no way for it to harm you! Show your doobish genius!
>>40628 Thrust your hand into the cracked area and push up. Show it who's boss and create a path to leave at the same time. Do a traditional doobie victory pose after.
>>40655 Listen to this one, he knows what she's talking about.
>>40646 >>40652 Run awaaaaaaay!
Hey, what is this lesser being? >"Ey derphead, git. Yer scarin em customers." Ooh is it a trader? I hear they change things into other things like magic. What should I do, orb voices?
Ask him to change your government into a bigger government!
>>41916 check if its a girl
>>41931 I can't tell. How do you check? >>41927 "I want a bigger government!" >"Tha's crazy talk lad. Bigger governments are inefficient 'cept when it comes to keepin the man down." "A BIGGER GOVERNMENT!" >"Whatever rocks yer boat, pal. But I ain't a politico, go talk to someone in charge. Now if you ain't buin anythin, piss off. Yer scaring me customers an business be bad enuff already."
>>42123 Ask the inferior creature where to locate the correct people to talk to about getting a bigger government.
tell it to come with you to make goverment bigger.
>>42123 >How do you check? You have to check if their insides are gooey.
>>42146 In before... Screw it. WITH YOUR PENIS
If they are hiding water balloons under their shirt, they are female.
This poor creatures ears are broken, they're all sticking straight out. It must be so painful. You should correct it for him.
Best quest or bestest quest? There is a wrong answer.
>>42145 "NO! BIGGER GOVERNMENT!" >"But I-" >>42144 "NO! YOU SHOW ME HOW TO MAKE GOVERNMENT BIGGER!" >>42146 >>42170 >>42173 >>42210 "NOW! OR I MUSHY YOUR INSIDES WITH EARS AND POP YOUR BALLOONS WITH PENIS!" >"All righ' all righ', chaysos croist. It's not like I've sold any o this crap recently." "YEAH! You're now my bestest friend!" >"Nonono, don't start with that." "YAY! COME ON NEW FRIEND!" Where to, orb friends!
>>46673 You must find GOVERNMENT to make it BIGGER. Ask friend where you could make your own BIGGER GOVERNMENT and sally forth.
>>46676 "We must find a government and make it BIG! AT LEAST THIS BIG!" >"I... see. Well to find government you can try the cas'le methinks. Oh and me name is Murderhaunt Spidermaim, what's yours?" "Dumy!" [Murderhaunt joined party! You can now give him suggestions.]
>>46684 Murder rape Dumy
>>46684 MurderHaunt: Run for your fucking life as soon as Dumy's back is turned. Never look back.
>>46684 Go outside the city to look for CASTLE GOVERNMENT.
Murder hug Dumy ... actually... I'll bet you can use this poor misguided creature. manipulate him and use him to get your way. Best stay close to him... yes... he seems manipulatable enough...
>>46698 >>46699 >murderhauntisanindirectpc.png
>Murder rape Dumy >Murder hug Dumy MH: I would but I'm allergic to stupid. >>46704 MH: That's... Actually not a bad idea. Methinks we could pay a little visit to the city trade commission and maybe the tax collectors.
>>46716 Onward, good sir. Pay them a very violent visit with your villainous volunteer's vindictive assistance.
>>46720 MH: Verily. >"Hey Dumy, you wanted to find a small gov'ment to make bigger, righ'? Cuz I know just the place, see. It's not far." "Yaaay! You're the best best friend I ever had!"
Please tell us it isn't in your pants. Dumy: hug new friend.
>>46781 >Dumy: hug new friend. WITH YOUR PENIS
>>46788 NO! No. Just... just use your arms.
>"Ok, see that house there? There's a bad man in there who's mean to people. He'll be dressed in a glittery outfit. He has taken your government. Go and get it back." What should I do orb peoples?
>>52428 CHARGE! TAKE DOWN THE DOOR, IT IS IN YOUR WAY
>>52428 Lick the guard's face to show friendship, then take his weapon.
>>52434 Yes! We must show our affection to the guard. If he knows we are FRIENDS, he will not harm us. But take his weapon too. Because Doobies are better, and deserve more WEPONS.
>>52434 >>52435 OKAY! I'LL GIVE HIM THE SUPER SECRET DOOBIE GREETING! [ACQUIRED FUNNY STICK]
>>52495 Ask the man if he has your government.
>>52534 "Hey do you have my govern-" [animated]
Hmm... poor lesser races... can't even stay awake long enough to answer a simple question. OK, let's head inside. Maybe someone in there knows.
>>52583 Barge in, demanding your GOVERNMENT back!
"I WANT MY GOVERNMENT BACK!!" >"Excuse me?" "YOU HAVE MY GOVERNMENT BECAUSE MURDER SAID SO!" >"... GuardS?"
LOOK AT AT THAT HEAVILY ARMORED DOOR I BET THEY'RE HIDING YOUR GOVERNMENT IN THERE!
>>53191 No, Murder! I know you are mentally inferior but pay attention please. My government, where is it? I like it big.
>>53191 You have taken my GOVERNMENT. I want you to give my GOVERNMENT back to me, you silly inferior creature!
"YOU HAVE MY GOVERNMENT BEHIND DAT DOOR! OPEN IT!" >"GUARDS! GET IN HERE DAMN YOU!" "NO! MURDER STUPID!"
Augh! Stupid yells too loud. Hurts ears. Too stupid to understand words, take it's tongue. It can grow back a new one in a day anyway.
>>53210 Oh look at him, he's all agitated. Give him a BIG DOOBIE HUG. Hopefully it will get through his thick non-doobian skull that you're not here for hostilities.
Wait is this another mating call? A boy human in heat perhaps. Mayby q-tip trick will work on it also. Take it's pants down and insert quill to subdue it's urges.
>"Yer guard's takin a little nap, boyo. So ya best be openin that door, eh?" >"Y-yes. I'll open it for you. ... why are you looking at me like that? Stop looking at me like that." "I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT!"
There! I even put the cloth on just like you said!
Where is government?!
>>53238 Go through the door. For a government.
>"Ok, help me carry this stuff. This'll... get us the government." "OKAY!" [animated] >"GIVE US BACK THE GOVERNMENT!" >"POWER FOR THE PEOPLE!" ~~ CHAPTER ONE END ~~
/r/ a bonus chart with the main characters' IQ levels
>>56917 As you wish.