2/2 Party Leader 2012/01/25(Wed)09:40 No. 382082 ID: d6af4f
File 132751324713.png - (51.12KB , 700x700 , 2.png )

Before you set off, you must register your NAME and OCCUPATION to the record keeper.

You must also state the PARTY SIZE of the caravan, a number from TWO to SIX. While a higher number will help when it comes to MANUAL LABOR needs and UNTIMELY DEMISES not ending the journal prematurely, it will also require MORE FOOD and SUPPLIES to make the trip.

NAME: Stevis
OCCUPATION: Animal Trainer
PARTY SIZE: Four

name: pujo
occupation: cat herder
party size: 6

NOMBRE: Durk Nuuk'erm
OCUPACION: Berserker Packin' Bold and A Half
TALLA DE GRUPO: 5

>>382089
Ok I was going to come up with something of my own, but this is just too good to pass up. So Durk Nuuk'erm it is!

NAME: Bark
OCCUPATION: Kobold
PARTY SIZE: 6

Name: Cila
Occupation: Hunter
Party Size: 5

>>382089
This
NOSE NOSE NOSE OF STEEL

>>382089
Ok yeah this has to happen.

>>382089

this, but change group size to less than minimum. for EUROPEAN EXTREME mode.

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/25(Wed)11:30 No. 382105 ID: d6af4f
File 132751985798.png - (46.07KB , 700x700 , 3.png )

Your name is DURK NUUK'ERM.

Your occupation is BERSERKER PACKIN' BOLD AND A HALF.

The party size will be 5. The party will consist of...

Durk Nuuk'erm
Flarin
Glilmus
Domin
Tlaylder

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/25(Wed)11:37 No. 382109 ID: d6af4f
File 132752026389.png - (128.76KB , 700x700 , 4.png )

Bilbin's General Store

You have been given basic supplies of two (2) oxen, fifty (40) days of food (For one kobold), and one wagon with one spare axle and one spare wheel. Your journey is estimated to take between 20 and 40 days.

You may purchase additional supplies for the journey. As a BERSERKER PACKIN' BOLD AND A HALF, you also have...
5 silver pieces
3 sticks of chewing gum
2 marble chewtoys (steel)
1 (Crossbow - Big)


What would you like to buy? 10 copper = 1 silver.
Oxen - 1 s
Nice Set of Clothes - 5c
4 Days of Food Rations - 1c
Spare Wagon Wheel - 5 c
Wagon Wheel Spinning Rims - 1 c each wheel
Spare Wagon Axle - 5 c
Spare Wagon Tongue - 5c
Sword - 4 c
Shield - 3 c
Hunting Crossbow - 3c
Grandfather Clock - 5 c

Additional items may be requested for availability and pricing.

ALL OF THE GRANDFATHER CLOCKS, NOTHING CAN GO WRONG.

What are our wagonmates carrying, and what are their occupations?

>>382108
TIME FOR SHOPPING, LA LA LA
4 RIM SPINNAHZ FIT FOR A GHETTO BOLDKING (US, OBVIOUSLY) - 4c
2 SWORDS AND SHIELDS FOR OUR GUARDSBOLDS - 14c
A HUNTING CROSSBOW FOR OUR RANGERBOLD - 3c
2 NICE SETS OF CLOTHES (ONE ACTUAL SET OF CLOTHES, TRADE THE OTHER SET FOR FANCY HATS. HA HA, WE CLASSYBOLDS NOW) - 10c
20 DAYS EXTRA FOOD (DON'T WANNA STARVE IF WE SUCK AT HUNTING) - 5c
A GRANDFATHER CLOCK (THE FIRST OF MANY TO COME) - 5c


41 HOLLA HOLLA COPPAS FOR THIS SHOPPIN' LIST

Divide your money evenly between weapons and food.

>>382112
Bam. Buy all the clocks, then sell them to other outposts for MASSIVELY INFLATED PRICES.

>spinning rims
Hoo-lee shit, we're gonna need five of those.

Get one of each of the spare parts and two silver's worth of food. How much do crossbow bolts cost?

>You have been given basic supplies of two (2) oxen, fifty (40) days of food (For one kobold), and one wagon with one spare axle and one spare wheel.
>fifty (40) days of food
>fifty (40)

um...


In other news, how much for the square wagon wheel?

>>382109
I think you should get:
One spare ox(just in case food/replacement engine part) 10c
One spare wheel(having only one is not enough!) 5c
Five spinnas(Four for now, one just in case) 5c
40 days of rations 10c
One sword 4c
One shield 3c
One crossbow 3c
Two grandfather clocks(They shall be the currency you will use!)10c

And this leaves you with no money, heh, so you should be fine.

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/25(Wed)13:04 No. 382126 ID: d6af4f
File 132752544919.png - (85.35KB , 700x700 , 5.png )

>Fifty (40)
You re-read your current stock. It does say "Fifty (40) Days of Food" in a towering testament to kobold like book keeping.

>Current party

You, Durk Nuuk'erm, a BERSERKER PACKIN' BOLD AND A HALF. Skills:
- Professional Fighter
- Competent Crossbowbold
- Expert Striker
- Talented Fighter

From left to right are your other party members. They have NO money and NO belongings aside from what they are wearing.

Flarin, a TRACKER. Skills:
- Skilled Tracker
- Competent Crossbowbold

Glilmus, a MERCHANT.
- Adequate Record Keeper
- Competent Appraiser
- Competent Swordsbold

Domin, a DOCTOR.
- Adequate Bone Doctor
- Novice Diagnostician
- Novice Surgeon
- Competent Suturer
- Competent Wound Dresser

Tlaylder, a CHEESE MAKER
- Master Cheese maker
- Competent Swordsbold

You may CHANGE names if you like, and add ONE(1) accessory so that Durk Nuuk'erm may have a fighting chance in telling any of them apart.

The shopping will continue.
The square wagon wheel is priced as all other wagon wheels.
A quiver of crossbow bolts (20 bolts) is priced at 2 copper.

>Tlaylder, a CHEESE MAKER

Change name to Urist.
Wear cat bone earring.

>square wagon wheel

what no

>CHEESE MAKER

NOOOO REMAKE PARTY START OVER

The hell?
Is this going to be some caravan adventure or are we going to strike the earth and found a fortress?
If such is the case, we lack vital skills in our dwa.. kobolds which will make it tough. Should probably get a pickax as well, since there might be mining..

Buy ONE (2) cows and live on Master Cheese forever.
Also change Tlaylder's name to Chedda.

>>382138
Ahh yes, Chedda is a perfect name for a woman to woo
Dress her up in a chef's hat

>Flarin, a TRACKER.
Gangster Fedora
>Gil, a MERCHANT.
Racoon Cap
>Dom, a DOCTOR.
Paste on Goatee

>>382142
addition
Make Flarin's nickname FLAVA FLAV

>>382112
With two crossbowbolds, hopefully we should be supplementing rations through most of the trip. Stock up on oxen (2) and wagon wheel (2) for the worst, and plenty of bolts.

Grandfather clocks double as melee weapons/traps in a pinch, so what the hell, roll with it.

Oh man this is so good.

If Durk needs an accessory, just draw your favorite type of sunglasses lagotrope.
BECAUSE I'M CURIOUS

>>382146
If your gonna do this, FLAVA FLAV needs a mini grandfather clock on a chain as a necklace

I love the fact that Durk is both a professional fighter and a talented fighter

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/25(Wed)16:23 No. 382180 ID: d6af4f
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>>382136
This is a trading caravan, with a mission to trade with allied gnolls, and to deliver a message!

Additional goods will be carried by this wagon, but they are stricly off limits, and will not be appearing in standard inventory. You, with your honor as caravan leader, will never open them except in life or death scenarios.

Flarin will now be "Flava Flav", and wear a fedora. She will also be wearing the disassembled front part of a grandfather clock.
Glilmus will now be "Gil", and wear a Raccoon cap.
Domin will now be "Dom", and wear a fake goatee.
Tlaylder will now be "Chedda", and wear a chef's hat. She will also wear a cat bone earring.

Spectacles would be nice, lest you, Durk Nuuk'erm, be left out of the accessory party. Please choose between spectacles A and spectacles B.

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/25(Wed)16:23 No. 382181 ID: d6af4f
File 132753741717.png - (105.39KB , 700x700 , 7.png )

>Crossbow
You buy a crossbow. It is not nearly as big as yours, because yours is a big fucking crossbow. You get ONE (20 bolts) box of bolts.

You buy TWO(2) swords and TWO(2) shields.
You buy ONE(2) cows.
You buy ONE(1) oxen.
You buy ONE(1) spare wagon wheel
You buy ALL (3) of the grandfather clocks.
You buy FIVE (5) Wagon Wheel Spinning Rims.
You buy FORTY (40) days worth of food. Which is 6 days for 5 kobolds.

You count out FORTY FIVE (54) copper coins, and hand them to the merchant. He accepts your payment, and leaves you with your goods.

You have zero (0) copper pieces left. Once you have chosen your spectacles, you may leave for your journey.

Embark? (y/n)

A, and... nnnoo, let's talk to other people on the trail.

B is the only possible choice.

>>382180
A hard choice, but A.

It's been a while since we've seen such a fine playa wearin' B

Wear both pairs!

>>382187
This.

>>382180
A, Durk needs his own style of shades.

A.

>You buy ONE(2) cows.

Another fine example of kobold bookkeeping.

Also, another vote for A.

Get Chedda to work making awesome cheese immediately
We put an investment into her, now we need returns!

Guys, we chose the name Durk Nuu'kerm. We are not being subtle.

B.

A)

Also, could we somehow get a belt with the Duke Nukem buckle?

>You buy TWO(2) swords and TWO(2) shields.
>You buy ONE(2) cows.
>You buy ONE(1) oxen.
>You buy ONE(1) spare wagon wheel
>You buy ALL (3) of the grandfather clocks.
>You buy FIVE (5) Wagon Wheel Spinning Rims.
>You buy FORTY (40) days worth of food. Which is 6 days for 5 kobolds.

total is 59c + however much the cow(2) was/were.

> You count out FORTY FIVE (54) copper coins, and hand them to the merchant.
> FORTY FIVE (54)

I love you Durk. (i vote B)

>>382214
If we're going all out with the accessories, we may as well just give him a Duke wig, a red wife beater, black pants, and kobold size boots with a cigar to top everything off.

>>382181
Who knows how to navigate? or Drive the carts?

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/25(Wed)18:58 No. 382227 ID: d6af4f
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>>382225
You are well versed in the ways of waving reins around until oxen move forward.

Chedda has begun using your purchased cow (2) to make cheese.

You talk to people out on the trail.
>"It's mighty fine weather we're havin'. Plenty of game, as well. You can trade with the natives out in the landmarks in the wild, but they're expert traders, so don't think you can pull a fast one!"

You embark on the 1st of Hematite (4th month). It is noon.
The pace is Steady.
The rations are Filling.

It is 2 o clock!
Gil's health is poor!
Dom uses his Diagnostics (Novice) to decide that Gil has a fever.

>>382227
Rations to bare bones, pace to grueling. It's the only way.

>>382227
Let Gil rest some in the wagon while we press onwards!

Wet your loincloth in a river and place it on Gil's forehead.

>>382227

... You're telling me he got a fever in *2 hours*?!

Goddamn.

What's Dom's confidence that he can cure this ailment? If he's a n00b... uh, is there any way we can just wait here and send someone back to fetch a healing mage? Or at least some herbs? Losing a few hours on the first day so that someone doesn't ~die~ is probably a good idea. Besides, the "Rest" option generally takes a lot of time anyways...

Alternatively, if that's not really an option, take a rest break while hunting and looking for herbs simultaneously. If possible. How hardcore OT is this?!

>>382227
Oh hell, somebody is sick already. Have you designated a hospital area in the cart? Is the water right next to Gil?

Flava Flav needs another skill. Gather some wood along the trail and get her making wood crafts to make more money later on.

Forgot to mention this, but it would seem this is very quickly becoming Kobold Caravan: Slave to Armok: God of Blood.
I wonder how we get migrants..

>>382227
Gil got sick in two hours? Is his constitution approximately zero?
How well do you trust Dom's diagnostic ability? 'Cause "novice diagnostician" could diagnose a 'bold with hypothermia as having a fever, and vice versa.

Gil's got a fever? Have Chedda fix him some hot chicken-noodle soup, gently kiss his forehead, and sing lullabies to him till he falls asleep. In the morning everything will be all better! :3c

>>382228
no.

does doc know how to treat fever? if not just let him rest in the cart and make sure he gets lots of water.

SHIT. This looks awesome.

Well anyway, let's pop up the rations tab and see if we can adjust it to be a bit more conservative, but still rather filling.

You know, unless it's one of those Hi-Med-Low kinda things.

Let Gil rest, give him a glass of milk and all that jazz, keep him this way until further diagnostics show no more signs of the fever.

And uh... what else is there to do? do a little hunting, I guess?

>>382227

oh... oh god, I know this. we're doomed. we're all doomed. it doesn't matter what we will do. this is the end.

>>382228
This is genius!

Make sure to take a crossbow while you're at it and shoot him in the side, then take the bolt out, and apply salt to the wound.

/sarcasmmodeoff

start hunting right now

shoot all of the buffalo

Apply master cheese and rest to Gil, switch pace to " haul ass" and finally sing "the Rocky Road to Dublin" with the loudest, manliest voice you can muster.

>>382301
http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=Vb2Xw424W0M

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)06:08 No. 382324 ID: d6af4f
File 132758693533.png - (60.44KB , 700x607 , 9.png )

Paces: Steady/Strenuous/Grueling
Rations: Filling/Meager/Bare Bones

Pace have been set from STEADY to GRUELING.
Rations have been set from FILLING to MEAGER.

You apply Chedda's Masterwork Cheese and Milk to Gil's FEVER, as well as have Chedda apply a kiss to the forehead, while Gil will rest inside the wagon.
Dom says he is very certain it is just a fever.
You have no healing mages.

You begin hunting, while singing "The Rocky Road to Dublin" in the manliest voice one can muster.
Flava Flav will search for herbs while you hunt.

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)06:09 No. 382325 ID: d6af4f
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A wild buffalo has appeared.

>>382322
Durk and Flarin goes out to hunt them. Killing as many as they can, then we can raise the rations since we got an excess of buffalo meat.

Flava Flav can't go hunting because she is hunting an all new type of prey
HERBS N SHIT, gonna light up one when she gets back

Chew some gum, spit it out and use your boot to kill buffalo. Or shoot with the crossbow, whatever hurts more with your skillz.

move away. slowly...

>>382328
No, no, no! Durk Nuuk'erm has got balls of steel and no mangy buffalo will scare him off.

>>382327
This is the right course of action.
With the meat that will be acquired, rations can be set back to filling to compensate for the grueling pace.
Also, do not forget to take all the tongues and skin you can.

>Bag
>Pokeball

set the rations back to filling. also have someone work out how long the trip would take on any given pace.

1/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)09:38 No. 382339 ID: d6af4f
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>Animated
You take a moment to chew One (1) stick of gum, and spit it out. You start tropping your boot on all the buffalos.

2/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)09:38 No. 382340 ID: d6af4f
File 132759952483.png - (103.73KB , 700x700 , 12.png )

You have tropped down 1490 days worth of food. You are able to carry back TWENTY FIVE (30) days worth of food back to your wagon, and leave the rest.
The Pace is GRUELING.
The Rations are FILLING.

You ask Gil to work out how long the trip would be with each given pace.
Gil now has 'Dabbling' skill in Mathematician!
Gil has Mathemetized the following Pace versus Time chart.

3/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)09:39 No. 382341 ID: d6af4f
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Traveling...
2nd of Hematite, Morning

You have reached a landmark.
You are at the Bondy Wingthread River!
It is 11 inches deep.
It is 20 feet across.

Do you...
-Ford the River
-Caulk the Wagon and float across
-Take the path around (Around TWO(2) additional days.)

Oh gog, I am not watching this shit, you KNOW its going to be:

>River: Ford,raft,hire guide
>Grats, you died of dysentery.

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)09:49 No. 382344 ID: d6af4f
File 132760017761.png - (89.44KB , 700x700 , 14.png )

Flava Flav has also returned with Herbs (Unidentified).
Flava Flav now has Herbalism (Dabbling)
You apply Unidentified Herbs to Gil's Fever.
You smoke the rest.

Hmm, I think yesterday we had 22 days worth of rations for five kobolds. That presumes that the rate of consumption is by default Filling.

Apply water to loincloth.
Apply loincloth to fever.
Go around.

don't fucking ford. go around.

Its less than a foot of water, I say ford it!

ford

that

river

how fast is the river going? if its relatively slow it should be safe to ford, if its fast even a shallow river can be dangerous.

Kick some trees down and bridge the river.

FORD IT

>>382353
This or ford it.

11 inches, the wheels should still touch bottom. Let's do the fording thing.

All kobolds in the wagon, lest they break a leg or get swept away or some other silly thing.

1/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)13:46 No. 382364 ID: d6af4f
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You take your SPARE loincloth, wet it, and apply to Gil's Fever.

Gil's fever has subsided.

>Ford the river

You attempt to ford the river.
splish

2/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)13:47 No. 382365 ID: d6af4f
File 132761442190.png - (66.60KB , 700x700 , 16.png )

Gil has fallen out of the wagon into the river!

3/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)13:47 No. 382366 ID: d6af4f
File 132761443163.png - (165.42KB , 700x700 , 17.png )

You manage to save Gil from death by drowning.
You have made it across the river.
Gil is sick. Dom uses Diagnostics to decide Gil has Cholera.

if gil lives we are tying him down.

Hes gonna need alot of fluids. I suggest gathering water, boiling it and making buffulo broth soup. That should help replace the electrolytes hes losing.

Cholera is typically from poor sanitation so I suggest you also start being stricter about cooking food, boiling water and disposing of waste.

lovely. since cholera is the kind of disease that kills you by making you pee all of your nutrients and bodily liquids out of your ass, you should have Gil eat a lot, and even more importantly drink a lot. in fact, fill all your empty containers with water from the river now and have Gil drink more than he needs.

change pace to pleasant stroll.

Rest and Pray to the god of chaos.
What could possibly go wrong?

>>382366
If Gil gets dysentery then just shoot him.

Ask Gil if he has offended any gods lately
He seems to be getting the short end of the stick for this entire trip

>>382370

The waters of these rivers run with pee. Just touching them is enough to contract cholera.

>>382389
But pee is STERILE. It's full of freaking AMMONIA.

>Dom - Novice Diagnostician
How sure is Dom of the diagnosis?

>>382400
Ammonia and water.

>>382400
That's only stale piss.

Rest. :C

Follow up rest with FILLING rations and STEADY pace.

>>382366
Gil will need lots of fluids. And a potty, definately going to need a vomit bucket as well. Dom will have to be careful with his hygiene while tending him.

What is the current status on our cheese making?

hey guys
i guess this means that Gil's gonna blow it out his ass

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)16:18 No. 382424 ID: d6af4f
File 132762348231.png - (133.59KB , 700x700 , 18.png )

You talk to Gil, and ask if he has offended any gods.
>"I don't think so!"
There are no Shrines for praying around here.
Dom is certain of his diagnostic.

Dom will be in charge of Gil's Cholera and care.
Current Cheese Count: 2 servings (masterwork)

You rest for a day.
3rd of Hematite

The Pace is now STEADY.
The Rations remain at FILLING.

Traveling...

4th of Hematite
A thief has come and stolen ONE (1) sword!
Dom has been bitten by a snake.
Dom uses Diagnotician to decide that Dom has been bitten by a snake.
Dom is now an Adequate Diagnostician.

trap the sword box so that doesn't happen again. was it a poisonous snake or a regular one?

>>382424
Get Flava Flav to track down that sword thief, then Durk will go over there and show them why you really shouldn't try to steal from him.

>>382424
Um, fuck... I'm not sure how to treat snakebites. Dom shouldn't move, at all. It might be worth resting for a day. Give him the most nutritious food you have. In fact, shoot the snake, butcher it, cook it with some cheese and serve it to him.

Oooooh fuck, I just realized that this is a two-way trip. It'll be like going to Oregon twice.

>>382428
Might have to widen the wound a bit and try to suck the venom out.

>>382429
No, that's retarded. The circulatory system CIRCULATES. Sucking the venom is only surefire if you drain ALL his blood, and widening wounds is a terrible idea. Put a tourniquet 2-4 inches above the bite. Keep him calm. Don't give him food or water, that speeds up the absorption of venom. Keep him still.

Try splashing alcohol on the wound to kill germs.

>>382430
Tourniquets don't work on viper bites. They do work on elapid bites, though.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elapid

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viperidae

What kind of snake did it look like?

>>382424
Durk, have you offended any gods? Also, avoid flirting and/or sleeping with any of the women. We have Cholera floating around here, plus pregnancy would be terrible on this trip. I know it has to be tough keeping Flava Flav and Chedda off you but you gotta bat 'em off and hope they don't gain any LOVE SICKNESS.

Ask Dom if LOVE SICKNESS is an actual threat besides a joke. Then apply mighty boot to snake. Rub salt in bite. Get Flava Flav to get more herbs and have Dom smoke some.

>>382433
And try and get her to identify the shit before anyone smokes it.

Suck the poisoned blood out of the wound and spit it out like the BERSERKER PACKIN' BOLD AND A HALF you are.

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)17:21 No. 382439 ID: d6af4f
File 132762726745.png - (188.49KB , 700x700 , 19.png )

You have offended no gods as far as you know, but you also know that gods can be fickle little spoiled princesses.

You think it might be a good idea to suck the wound, but you recall that you are no KNEE-SUCKER.
You apply your BOOT to the snake, and have Chedda cook it up and apply Rattlesnake Cheese Stew to Dom's Snakebite.
He insists that LOVE SUCKNESS is not a threat. You are not sure you agree, but you are also not the doctor.

Nonetheless, you make sure to keep your sweet lovings to yourself.

You make sure to keep your swords inside of a container for safe keeping.

Flava Flav will use HERBALISM.
Flava Flav comes back with UNIDENTIFIED HERBS. She cannot identify them.

Flava Flav has tracked the THIEF to the nearby landmark of camp Tor Puspfyl. It is home to Kobolds and a few Goblins.
You may buy supplies or trade here, or CONTINUE ON.

Track that damn thief! You paid good money for that sword. You're not about to let from dirty criminal get away with it!

Let Dom rest while you find that stinking thief. You can't afford to have your only 'bold with medical skills die.

>>382439
We're going in and tracking down that thief, we're there to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and we only have one stick of gum left!

Demand that the establishment out the thief, there is a booting to be applied! Don't make Durk start chewing his gum to spit it out!

Buy antivenom. Buy Skill books, especially herbs and medicine ones, like identifying herbs and treating shit. If Dom and Flava Flav can't read, then get reading books and make them read them to gain the reading skill!

Sell Cheese because you have no money.

Check inventory, I want to know what we still have

TALK to people. TRADE away UNIDENTIFIED HERBS.

>>382445
Also, make sure to stroll into the village with the rims spinning. We have to make installing hydraulics on the wagon a priority.

Trade away the cheese for actually GOOD medical help so that Gil would stand a chance of surviving. Have Dom pay attention so he might learn something.

Also, locate the thief and go all Nuuk'erm on him.

1/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)17:58 No. 382462 ID: d6af4f
File 132762950783.png - (159.79KB , 700x700 , 20.png )

This NATIVE TRIBE has no books. Or antivenom. Or wagon hydraulics.

You check your INVENTORY as your SPINNING RIMS spin at maximum velocity.

ONE HUNDRED AND FIVE (110) Days worth of food (per kobold)
ONE (1) Swords
ONE (1) BFC (Crossbow)
ONE (1) Crossbow (regular)
ONE (1) Box of Bolts (20 bolts)
TWO (2) Shields
ONE (2) Cows
THREE (3) Oxen
TWO (2) Spare Wheels
ONE (1) Spare Spinning Rims
ONE (1) Spare Axle
THREE (3) Grandfather Clocks

TWO (2) Sticks of Chewing Gum
TWO (2) Marble Chewtoys (Steel)

You TALK.
>"Welcome to our little encampment! We have Oxen, Food and Crossbow bolts. The weather sure has been hot, lately! Thankfully, there's lots of rivers to our east."

You TRADE.
You offer all of your Masterwork Cheese. The return offer is 15 days of plain food, ONE Misbehaved Oxen, or one Magical Potion of Cure Disease/Poison.

Give up and settle down right here. At least then you can start having babies then to make up for your ridiculously high mortality rate.

2/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)17:59 No. 382464 ID: d6af4f
File 132762954324.png - (129.22KB , 700x700 , 21.png )

The trading will be decided while you and Flava Flav track down the THIEF to his native tee pee and burst open the flaps.

3/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)17:59 No. 382465 ID: d6af4f
File 132762955530.png - (56.61KB , 700x700 , 22.png )

Inside you find a Native Kobold performing some pagan ritual hippy dance that involves YOUR STOLEN SWORD.

What do you do?

Trade cheese for poshun

a stolen sword isn't worth killing someone over, give him one chance to give it back and if he says no shoot him in the leg with your crossbow.

Join the dance.

The dance is now a DANCING CONTEST.

Recruit the native kobold!

Shoot the sword out of his hand and dropkick him through the tent.

You're here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and you left your last stick in the wagon.

The Duke Nukem jokes, they burn. Also, Durk seems to be channelling a little Chop there. Was he your master?

Wait politely for the dance to be over - remember, gods are spoiled little princesses that may not like having their fruity dances interrupted. Then apply crossbow stock to thief's head.

Only once - or maybe twice if he keeps squirming. Try not to bash his head in.

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)18:24 No. 382475 ID: d6af4f
File 132763105637.png - (75.37KB , 700x700 , 23.png )

Chop was not your master.

It is impossible to join a DANCE CONTEST with this native, because you are the King of Dance, and it be like throwing a man in a wheelchair down the stairs.

You politely wait for him to finish his dance. You then inform him that you are here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and your bubblegum is back in the wagon.
You shoot the sword out of his hand, and kick him through the tent.

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)18:24 No. 382476 ID: d6af4f
File 132763106694.png - (67.52KB , 700x700 , 24.png )

You ask him if he would like to join you.
He is in no position to say no, and nods his head.

Do you recruit him?

Recruit the native kobold

Tell him he will work for you to pay off the debt for his theft of your sword.
If we runs, he'd better hope he's faster than your bolts.

We do
He is now officially Flava Flav's bitch
That is his occupation

>>382479
Also, his name.

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)18:42 No. 382482 ID: d6af4f
File 132763214849.png - (99.47KB , 700x700 , 25.png )

You RECRUIT the Native.

Name: Native
Occupation: Native Kobold
Skills:
Animal Trainer (Adept)
Native (Expert)

You change his Occupation to Flava Flav's Bitch.
You change his Name to Flava Flav's Bi

You do not have the available number of characters to change his name to that.

You TRADE your cheese for one Potion of Cure Disease/Poison

You are at the Ningword Bythead River. It is 1 foot and 5 inches deep. It is 30 feet across.
Do you Ford the River, Caulk the Wagon and float, or choose an alternate path?

Order Flava Flav's Bi to channel the river around behind the cart.

Glare at him while he works.

Whelp, we need to get more food now.

>>382482
Change Flava Flav's pace of riding Flava Flav's Bi hard to GREULING

Go around.

Get Flava Flav's Bi to use the NATIVE skill to TALK to the RIVER to let you pass unharmed.

Ah fuck it just toss all the shit over it if you can't just walk through it.

>>382482
around

>>382482
Lets just ford this motherfucker like proper men!

>>382526

Alternate path. ;_; Rivers are evil.

Go around!

Ford. Tie a rope around every Kobolds waist attached securely to the wagon. A foot is still low enough that the wagon should be able to drive through w/o wetting the bottom.

caulk that fuckin' wagon.

ford, and tie gil down.

Ford Ford 2012/01/27(Fri)02:39 No. 382590 ID: a8e26e
File 132766078087.gif - (61.92KB , 838x422 , Ford.gif )

Ford

Ford that mother fucker, but first tie Gil to the roof of the wagon to prevent falling off and unnecessary repetition of unfortunate events.

>>382482
>less than 2 feet deep
Caulk the wagon and pull it across. Don't even bother trying to get it to float.

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)08:24 No. 382606 ID: d6af4f
File 132768144478.png - (89.28KB , 700x700 , 26.png )

The NATIVE is behaving.
Dom's opinion of Dom's injury is that it sucks.
Dom does not believe Gil will die from this Cholera.

You ask Flava Flav's Bi to use his NATIVE skill to talk to the river, and failing that, to manually channel it behind the wagon.

Flava Flav's Bi believes that to be a very racist comment, but goes to commune with the river. The river does not respond.
Flave Flav's Bi tries to channel the river, while you glare at him.
He stumbles under your glare, and breaks his leg.
You keep glaring.

Dom diagnoses Flava Flav's Bi with BONEITIS.
Dom is now a Diagnostician (Competent)

You ford the river...

You have safely made it across the river.
Dom no longer has snakebite.

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)08:24 No. 382607 ID: d6af4f
File 132768147866.png - (153.01KB , 700x700 , 27.png )

7th of Hematite
Flava Flav has exhaustion.
Flava Flav's bi has exhaustion.

Gil still has cholera.

rest for a day. treat FFB's leg as good as you can. just chill and smoke your herbs.

>>382607
Seems like everything is going more or less according to plan. Have Dom set Flava Flav's Bi's leg, will be good practice for him.

Maintaining morale is as important as anything else.

Sing a happy song of your people. Alternatively, ask the native to perform a traditional jaunt.

>>382607
feed gil cure disease potion

Splint the native's broken limb with that old spare loincloth and a stick or wooden pole or something, so it heals faster.
Save potion for emergency, don't waste on nonlethal cholera.
Have a singalong.

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)10:41 No. 382616 ID: d6af4f
File 132768967742.png - (118.19KB , 700x700 , 28.png )

Dom applies Sticks and Loincloths to Bi's BONEITIS.
Dom is now a Bonesetter (Competent)
You are indecisive to whether or not to use the Cure Disease potion on Gil's Cholera, and end up palming the potion inconsiderately in front of Gil while he blows it out his ass.

Bi cannot use his Native (Professional) skill to dance while having BONEITIS.

Instead, you all have a singalong during the day of rest.
The next day, you reach the Dead Thorn Wingby River.
It is several feet deep. It is 200 feet across.
It is very fast.

Do you ford the river, or caulk the wagon and float?

Consult Flava Flav's Bi. Use NATIVE skill (or possibly just a map) to identify whether or not there's a ferry upstream or downstream.

If no ferry is available, initiate Operation Cockfloat.

We should also assume we'll get dragged downstream a bit no matter what happens. Depending on how bad things are downstream, we might want to go upstream a good amount before floating across.

Also, distribute bolds and trade goods around wagon in the best way possible to maintain good balance. And don't let any of them rock the boat, or by god you're going to rip off their cute little heads and shit down their cute little fuzzy necks till EVERYONE is blowin' it out their ass.

Every one aboard knew what they where getting into, caulk that bitch up and yell the wagon across!

>>382618
This.

Ford it like the damn end river in Oregon trail!

But no. Go around.

1/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)13:58 No. 382645 ID: d6af4f
File 132770150918.png - (71.75KB , 700x700 , 29.png )

Bi is consulted. In his Professional Native opinion, there is no ferry for this river. This is an important landmark that separates kobold territy from the more dangerous sort. Which is every other sort. He also says there is plenty of room to drift downstream.

You shove all of your caulk onto the wagon to make it float, informing the others there will be NO ROCKING THE BOAT, lest you do things that Dom believes is physiologically impossible.

2/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)13:58 No. 382646 ID: d6af4f
File 132770152474.png - (69.97KB , 700x700 , 30.png )

The wagon tips!

3/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)13:58 No. 382647 ID: d6af4f
File 132770153616.png - (155.69KB , 700x700 , 31.png )

You have lost:
1 box of crossbow bolts
1 crossbow (regular)
1 oxen
1 spare axle

Gil has DROWNED.
Flava Flav has DYSENTERY.

You bury your dead. Would you like to leave an epitaph?

"mutha tipped the boat"

"May the gods be better to him in death than in life."

"He loved water. Water didn't love him."

>>382654
this.

Also, realize you have the latent psionic power to levitate cigars.

>>382647
>just exited the least dangerous area
>5/6 bolds remaining
We're fucked.

peperony and chease

>>382666
Shut up, Satan.

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)15:18 No. 382670 ID: d6af4f
File 132770630013.png - (116.69KB , 700x700 , 32.png )

Bi puts on a respectful epitaph.
You put on a couple epitaphs that better reflect your own feelings.

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)15:19 No. 382671 ID: d6af4f
File 132770635226.png - (131.18KB , 700x700 , 33.png )

10th of Hematite

You continue on your journey, and reach a crossroad.
You may go NORTHWEST to the goblin's Dark Fortress of Meads Ropen, or a shortcut SOUTHWEST (cut 5 days) through the undead regions known as Deep Sarmon.

Play it safe, go nw!

HUNT.

>>382671
Absolutely nothing can go wrong with D'awwblins. Do it.

gobbos are pretty cool. go on.

Northwest.

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)16:39 No. 382699 ID: d6af4f
File 132771119358.png - (104.26KB , 700x700 , 34.png )

You have no crossbow bolts to hunt with.
You go northwest towards the goblin lands.

12th of hematite
There is no grass for the oxen to eat.
Flava Flav has taken a turn for the worse.

>>382699
Fuck that. Have Durk trop them with his boot.

Dom needs to assess the lethality of Flav's sickness. If it's lethal, then administer the potion. We can't lose our herb supplier.

Give Flava Flav plenty of fluids and rest
smack Bitch for not taking care of Flava Flav better

>>382699
Grind up some of the supplies gained from the bison and use that to feed the oxen. Nothing can go wrong with this plan, nothing at all.

>>382699
Give Flav the potion. Dysentery is pretty much 100% lethal in this kind of environment.

Yep, time to give flav the potion

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)18:54 No. 382728 ID: d6af4f
File 132771926175.png - (67.75KB , 700x700 , 35.png )

>>382700
You require at least 1 crossbow bolt to hunt, no matter what. Such are the indisputable laws of the universe.

Dom thinks she might survive, but is in clear danger.
You use a potion on Flava Flav. She will be fine.

You begin to grind up inedible parts of the bison to feed to the oxen. Bi says that idea is bad.
You slap Bi, but the oxen agreed with Bi, and did not eat any of it.

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)18:54 No. 382729 ID: d6af4f
File 132771928582.png - (111.94KB , 700x700 , 36.png )

You continue on.

14th of Hematite
An oxen has died. You have 1 remaining oxen.
You have reached the Goblin Dark Fortress of Meads Ropen.

Give the potion to Flav. If we got no feed for the oxen then it's time to teach them how to eat buffalo meat. And maybe how to hunt them as well.

>>382729
ummmmm.

Sneak arooound!

Hey! Just because it's openly called a "Dark Fortress" doesn't mean it's evil! :V Knock on the door and see if we can trade with the goblins.

Also, if you're planning on resting anytime soon, now would be a good time to do it. Can you think of a safer place to rest than inside the walls of a giant fortress?

By the way, how much farther do we have to travel?

Try to trade for oxen and oxen feed. If they're the unfriendly type then let's try to rob em later.

>>382729
Tell Bi to get his sneak on and go in and see if they got any crossbow bolts or other stuff that might be good to steal/trade.

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)19:41 No. 382742 ID: d6af4f
File 132772209333.png - (145.79KB , 700x700 , 37.png )

You have no idea how long it is. Bi says some cryptic native crap like 'when the gods will it' or something.
You have no skill in sneak, and sneaking around isn't your style. You have Bi do that.
You go to the front door to TRADE.

>"Hey, 'bold. You want to trade? We've got rations, Oxen Feed, bottles of cure poison and bottles of cure disease, and weapons of all sorts."

You offer TWENTY THREE (32) chunks of masterwork cheese.

>"Uh.. okay, we're not used to taking so much cheese, but that is good! Here's what we're willing to trade for cheese. And those are some good grandfather clocks you had in there! I'm willing to count one grandfather clock as 15 pieces of your cheese, if you're willing to toss those in."

One cure disease, one oxen, and 4 two day oxen feeds meets our budget of twenty three (32).

Ooooorrrrrrr... We seduce the goblin with our steel chew toys and milk it for anything we can get.

>>382745
Just what I was thinking

How much does a Durk brand lovin' afford?

Buy the goblin.

Also some bolts so we can hunt.

Yes, let's introduce her to our CHEW CHEW CHEW TOYS OF STEEL.

Get at least one Cure Disease potion, since, well, your doctor sucks..

Also, slap her on the ass. You would not be the Durk if you did not do such things at every opportunity.

>>382742
Buying another oxen is a good idea. So's buying at least 10 days of oxen feed. Also, buy some bolts.

I'm willing to trade them a grandfather clock to buy more supplies.

Another potion of cure disease would be nice...

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)20:20 No. 382755 ID: d6af4f
File 132772443639.png - (56.36KB , 700x700 , 38.png )

You use your TWO (2) marble chewtoys (steel) to seduce the goblin. As a BERSERKER PACKIN' BOLD AND A HALF, you get a bonus to this check.

She says that it has been awhile since her tower has had outside company, and offers that if you REST here for THREE (3) days, she'll throw in an additional Bottle of Cure Disease, and FORTY (40) copper pieces, at which point the deal may be finalized. Also, all party members (and oxen) will be fed during the stay without having to use party supplies.

Do you accept?

Oh hell yes, "Rest" the fuck out of them Goblins.

yeeeeeeeeeeesssss

Durk Nuukem just became a professional gigolo

>>382756
...You seem to have "fuck" and "rest" mixed up. But yeas, this. See how many tips you can get.

>She says that it has been awhile since her tower has had outside company
I'm getting the feeling that we're going to be introducing a lot of gobbos to our TWO (2) marble chewtoys (steel)

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)20:48 No. 382768 ID: d6af4f
File 132772611327.png - (108.50KB , 700x700 , 39.png )

You accept.
You give a shameless slap on the ass as she turns to guide you in.

You, DURK NUUK'ERM, rest the fuck out of them goblins.
The goblins also rest the fuck out of you for three days.

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)20:48 No. 382769 ID: d6af4f
File 132772612505.png - (120.42KB , 700x700 , 40.png )

17th of Hematite

You have exhaustion.

Proposed deal for all of your cheese:

1 box of bolts
One cure disease potion
One Oxen
4 Two day oxen feed
One goblin

BONUS: 1 cure disease, 40 copper pieces

Is this deal acceptable?

Hell yes it is.

> One Oxen


...Okay.


Let's check that Goblin's status sheet then?

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/27(Fri)21:10 No. 382773 ID: d6af4f
File 132772743611.png - (38.33KB , 700x700 , 41.png )

Goblin
Occupation: Clothes maker
Adept Clothier
Talented Weaver
Skilled Woodcrafter

Please choose a NAME.

>>382773

Butts.

Butts McButterson

>>382773
Tits.

Tits McGee.

>>382773
We need a name that reflects what she is and does. how about Nudist St. Bonermaker

>>382776
Hm... how about St. Givespeoplewood?

Lawra Crauft

>>382779
Let's continue with this delightful theme.

>>382773
Pleib Oibonny

Phuuk Buni

>>382779
>>382780

Yup, this.

Kyle

>>382779

Going with this!

>>382779
Sure. Why not.

mmmh. how many oxen do 40 coppers buy? we need a lot more of them.

>>382857
40 copper would buy 4 oxen at the start.

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/28(Sat)07:28 No. 382862 ID: d6af4f
File 132776452985.png - (143.51KB , 700x700 , 42.png )

The Goblin is now named Lawra Crauft

Oxen at this Dark Fortress cost 20 copper. Would you like to buy 0, 1, or 2?

0
We'll get them for a better price later bro

>>382863
No you won't. Trust me, you won't. Prices were 10. Now they're 20. Later they'll be 40.

Oh fuck it then
2
DOUBLE TROUBLE SON

At the rate things are going, we need spares. Get two.

Hold on, wait a minute
Durk, how much more haggling would you need to do to get a haggling skill up?
If we get good at this, we can make profits further along the trail. I just did some research this strategy is legit. Just "rest" for extra money and skill ups and we'll get mad stacks yo.

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/28(Sat)08:47 No. 382875 ID: d6af4f
File 132776925319.png - (150.03KB , 700x700 , 43.png )

>>382870
You check your haggling skill. You are a haggler (talented) towards the opposite sex.

You buy TWO (2) Oxen with your remaining money. You have 9 masterwork cheeses for the last THREE (3) days of Chedda's rest.

The pace is STEADY.
The rations are FILLING.

Do you continue your journal east?

>>382875
Yeah sure, we can make it!

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/28(Sat)10:06 No. 382893 ID: d6af4f
File 132777397376.png - (124.31KB , 700x700 , 44.png )

You continue your journal.

19th of Hematite

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/28(Sat)10:06 No. 382894 ID: d6af4f
File 132777399272.png - (142.18KB , 700x700 , 45.png )

A native gnoll comes to your wagon.

>"Ey, ey! You're far from home, aintcha? Around here, you've got to pay the toll, lest bad things happen. You give me some stuff. The better it is, the less accident you guys get."

>>382894
I think this Gnoll is about to have a boot related accident happen to him from our dear Durk. Fucking bastard has to learn when he shouldn't try something.

>>382894
MIGHTY FOOT ENGAGE.
Or, you know, just shoot him in the face.

One bolt is all it takes.
Right in the neck, so he can't yell for backup.

>>382894

Crossbow his face in.

Shoot him, butcher him. Add him to rations.

Throw him some cheese, then shoot him as he admires it.

Durk is exhausted, which means the gnoll is going to die in a slow and painful fashion.

Also, he can't look weak with in front of the women, so violence is clearly the only answer.

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/28(Sat)10:57 No. 382908 ID: d6af4f
File 132777706369.png - (125.68KB , 700x700 , 46.png )

You negotiate the gnoll with a crossbow bolt.
You have Chedda use her Cook (Adequate) to make rations.

You get 30 days worth of food. You now have 75 total rations.

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/28(Sat)10:58 No. 382909 ID: d6af4f
File 132777708722.png - (111.43KB , 700x700 , 47.png )

20th of Hematite.

Gnolls have ambushed during the night! You are able to force the gnolls to retreat despite EXHAUSTION, but Flava Flav has took a minor wound, Lawra Crauft has taken a moderate wound, and Chedda has a grievous wound.
The gnolls have killed wounded 1 oxen.
The gnolls have stolen 10 rations. You have 59 remaining.
The gnolls have broke one wagon wheel, but Lawra Croft was able to fix it.

Chedda noooooo! We have to get help!

...And where was Bi this whole time?

wait, did they kill or woulnd the ox? you can't do both simultaneously, obviously.

anyway. Dom should do some healing shit while Bi does a tribal dance of healing or prayer or some shit.

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/28(Sat)11:32 No. 382917 ID: d6af4f
File 132777913905.png - (124.21KB , 700x700 , 48.png )

You take a look at the killed wounded ox to see about differentiating the two. It is merely wounded.
Bi fought alongside you, and managed to go unscathed.

Dom dresses all of the wounds. He is now a wound dresser (competent).
Bi uses his Native (Professional) to perform a healing ritual. You're pretty sure it isn't doing a thing, but Chedda smiles, so you aren't going to piss in her gnollflakes.
Dom claims that continually moving may be dangerous for Chedda, but staying here may result in more gnoll attacks.
Lawra Crauft says the river is two days away, and the gnolls won't follow us past the river. She says we're in danger until we cross the river.

Do you continue, rest, and if continue, keep at a steady pace?

we move at a strenous pace. also? we have at least two people stand watch every night.

Could we perhaps stage a counter-attack on the gnolls? You know, go all one man army on them and steal all their shit after killing them off?

Also, not a single gnoll was killed when you drove them off? Really? The Durk killed nobody? I refuse to believe such a travesty..

Chop up Gnoll for rations. Gnolls steal rations that night. heh

Ya I say grueling pace till river with Durk sleeping in the wagon during the day so he can take watch over night.

We need to get Doms doctor skills up, let's set up a counter ambush and capture some gnolls then get megele on em.

Chedda in the wagon, steady pace to the river. Use magical healing cheese on Chedda.

Now that you know the gnolls are coming, have the only lightly injured/non-exhausted party members start making traps as they can during the day. You're 'bolds, you guys ought to know SOMETHING about making traps; if not, substitute NATIVE skill.

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/28(Sat)13:15 No. 382940 ID: d6af4f
File 132778534725.png - (118.66KB , 700x700 , 49.png )

You move at a strenuous pace.
You create traps and keep an eye out at night.

20th of Hematite, 2 miles from the landmark river.

You are no longer Exhausted.
Gnoll ambush! With watch and traps, you are able to fend them off without injury. You are able to kill 3 out of the attacking 7, and have added 60 days of food to your rations.
A gnoll has stolen ONE (1) grandfather clocks.
A gnoll has stolen TWO (2) sticks of chewing gum.
You have TWO (2) Grandfather Clocks left






You have zero (0) sticks of chewing gum left.

Has this activated FULL BERSERKER mode, having no bubble gum to chew and having to kick more ass to make up for it?

>>382940
Okay, it's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum and Durk is suddenly all out of gum..

Have the others get the wagon across the river while you go eliminate the gnoll "threat".

Just keep going. We can kill the buggers on the way back once our guys aren't dying.

>>382942
I agree except they should wait right at the river. Otherwise how would Durk get across?

Also maybe we should bring Flav as backup.

Heh we've killed 4 Gnolls and they haven't killed a single Kobold yet. I say we don't tempt fate and cross the river.

>all out of chewing gum

fuck the mission. fuck the caravan. you know what time it is. make them suffer.

>>382946
Depending on the width of the river and if we have rope, one end could be attached to a tree/rock/spare wheel on this side of the river. Then they could make it across where it is safe while holding on to the other end of the rope. Once Durk is done ripping off heads and shitting down their necks, he could be pulled to the other side.

Agreed, everyone to the other side of the river. Durk will stay and HUNT.

>>382951
>>382976
they will be taught the meaning of fear.
>>382954
this is the thing we will do.

but we need a way to bring the loot acrost the river.

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/28(Sat)19:06 No. 382991 ID: d6af4f
File 132780637072.png - (139.10KB , 700x700 , 50.png )

The party goes forward to the river. They will stay on this side of the river, but be ready to cross at the first sign of danger.
You go HUNTING.

You dutifully inform the gnolls that you are out of bubble gum, and have to make up for the loss.

You TRADE with the gnolls. You offer Terror and Death. They counteroffer with Stolen Goods and Dying.
They accept the offer.

They are were big gnolls. That means they have had huge guts. You are able to carry back 30 days of food, your grandfather clock and ZERO(0) pieces of gum. They ate the gum on their way back.
You also gained 8 silver and 7 copper.

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/28(Sat)19:06 No. 382992 ID: d6af4f
File 132780639834.png - (98.12KB , 700x700 , 51.png )

You come back to the Wagon.
Chedda says she might not be able to make cheese for you anymore.

You are at the Down The Baryd Gin River. It is 1 and a half feet deep. It is slow. It is 30 feet across.
Do you...
Ford the river
Caulk the wagon and float
Try to hire a gnoll guide for 1 oxen or 1 grandfather clock

>>382992
NO CHEESE?! WHAT IS THIS MADNESS!?!

Shed a single manly tear for your friend's pain
Take off your glasses for the first time in a while and dramatically look her in the eye
Is there anything she wants you to do?
"ALSO DON'T TIP THE BOAT FAGGOTS I SWEAR IF YOU MORE OF YOU DIES I'M GOING TO KILL YOU"

Hug Chedda, pat her back while repeating "It'll be alright.", "You'll be just fine." and all that other mushy crap.

Optional: Tongue. Just a little.

Gently slap her on the ass, as is proper.

Also, caulk the wagon and float. It is a slow river and Gil is gone, so chances are sort of good nobody will rock the wagon.. Thoroughly explain to all your party members that they are to be completely still while on the floating wagon.

The gnoll threat is gone, at least for a day or two. Rest for at least a day to let Chedda and the caravan recuperate.

"Hire a gnoll guide"? There are still gnolls around after what you did? They're either more courageous, or lacking in more self-preservation instincts, than you thought.

And what's this about not making cheese?! What the fuck is wrong, other than Chedda's grievous wounds? Something wrong with the cow?

>>382992
30 feet across and slow? Ford it.

FORD IT I SAY

Oh and tell Chedda to try teaching Bi to do it. Or anyone who wants to learn, really.

It may not be masterwork but it'll help our situation.

>>383000
We have plenty of gnoll meat. We can give her a day, just in case we shall say goodbye. Have everyone do the NATIVE dance around Chedda, just in case the pansy-assed gods feel like giving you a hand this one time.

While caulking the wagon, look each party member square in the eye and say, 'Anyone who tips over the wagon will need to get out and push. NO TIPPING THE WAGON.'

1/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/28(Sat)20:58 No. 383005 ID: d6af4f
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Your pretty sure that your glasses have fused to your skull by this point, and cannot take them off. You also will only slap her on the ass if doing so won't probably kill her. Regardless, you tell her it'll be alright and other such sweet nothings. You ask if there is anything she would like.

"Finish the trip." she says, perhaps also another sweet nothing.

Bi has become an Adequate Cheesemaker by watching Chedda.

You inform everyone that you will kill anyone that rocks the boat and dies.
Lawra Crauft says the gnolls are sure to try and attack again if we wait for too long, even, or perhaps especially, because of your slaying frenzy.

You will rest on the other side.
You coalk the wagon and flauk across.

2/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/28(Sat)20:58 No. 383006 ID: d6af4f
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Dom sneezes.

3/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/28(Sat)20:58 No. 383007 ID: d6af4f
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You have lost One(1) oxen.
You have lost One(1) spare spinning rim.
Dom keps Chedda's stretcher afloat and drowned.

Would you like to write an Epitaph?