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File 132751322417.png - (165.27KB , 700x700 , 1.png )
382081 No. 382081 ID: d6af4f

You are a KOBOLD. For months, you have wanted to TRAVEL EAST to faroff lands and see the world. And now, your tribe has asked you to run a caravan to trade with allied gnolls. Your travels across what is known as the Oremor Trail will begin in your secret kobold home, to the fertile Great Wilds - a journey of approximately HUNDREDS OF MILES.
Expand all images
No. 382082 ID: d6af4f
File 132751324713.png - (51.12KB , 700x700 , 2.png )

Before you set off, you must register your NAME and OCCUPATION to the record keeper.

You must also state the PARTY SIZE of the caravan, a number from TWO to SIX. While a higher number will help when it comes to MANUAL LABOR needs and UNTIMELY DEMISES not ending the journal prematurely, it will also require MORE FOOD and SUPPLIES to make the trip.
No. 382084 ID: 6a5a08

NAME: Stevis
OCCUPATION: Animal Trainer
No. 382087 ID: 210977

name: pujo
occupation: cat herder
party size: 6
No. 382089 ID: 0d9d4d

NOMBRE: Durk Nuuk'erm
OCUPACION: Berserker Packin' Bold and A Half
No. 382090 ID: c71597

Ok I was going to come up with something of my own, but this is just too good to pass up. So Durk Nuuk'erm it is!
No. 382091 ID: 56fa85

NAME: Bark
No. 382092 ID: 886a4d

Name: Cila
Occupation: Hunter
Party Size: 5
No. 382093 ID: e3f578

No. 382094 ID: 0d7a83

Ok yeah this has to happen.
No. 382101 ID: 807ed3


this, but change group size to less than minimum. for EUROPEAN EXTREME mode.
No. 382105 ID: d6af4f
File 132751985798.png - (46.07KB , 700x700 , 3.png )

Your name is DURK NUUK'ERM.


The party size will be 5. The party will consist of...

Durk Nuuk'erm
No. 382109 ID: d6af4f
File 132752026389.png - (128.76KB , 700x700 , 4.png )

Bilbin's General Store

You have been given basic supplies of two (2) oxen, fifty (40) days of food (For one kobold), and one wagon with one spare axle and one spare wheel. Your journey is estimated to take between 20 and 40 days.

You may purchase additional supplies for the journey. As a BERSERKER PACKIN' BOLD AND A HALF, you also have...
5 silver pieces
3 sticks of chewing gum
2 marble chewtoys (steel)
1 (Crossbow - Big)

What would you like to buy? 10 copper = 1 silver.
Oxen - 1 s
Nice Set of Clothes - 5c
4 Days of Food Rations - 1c
Spare Wagon Wheel - 5 c
Wagon Wheel Spinning Rims - 1 c each wheel
Spare Wagon Axle - 5 c
Spare Wagon Tongue - 5c
Sword - 4 c
Shield - 3 c
Hunting Crossbow - 3c
Grandfather Clock - 5 c

Additional items may be requested for availability and pricing.

No. 382112 ID: f6bf3b

No. 382113 ID: 6a5a08

What are our wagonmates carrying, and what are their occupations?
No. 382116 ID: 0d9d4d


No. 382117 ID: 578dec

Divide your money evenly between weapons and food.
No. 382118 ID: 56fa85

Bam. Buy all the clocks, then sell them to other outposts for MASSIVELY INFLATED PRICES.
No. 382119 ID: 6fa47e

>spinning rims
Hoo-lee shit, we're gonna need five of those.

Get one of each of the spare parts and two silver's worth of food. How much do crossbow bolts cost?
No. 382124 ID: bdb3f8

>You have been given basic supplies of two (2) oxen, fifty (40) days of food (For one kobold), and one wagon with one spare axle and one spare wheel.
>fifty (40) days of food
>fifty (40)


In other news, how much for the square wagon wheel?
No. 382125 ID: bd2a40

I think you should get:
One spare ox(just in case food/replacement engine part) 10c
One spare wheel(having only one is not enough!) 5c
Five spinnas(Four for now, one just in case) 5c
40 days of rations 10c
One sword 4c
One shield 3c
One crossbow 3c
Two grandfather clocks(They shall be the currency you will use!)10c

And this leaves you with no money, heh, so you should be fine.
No. 382126 ID: d6af4f
File 132752544919.png - (85.35KB , 700x700 , 5.png )

>Fifty (40)
You re-read your current stock. It does say "Fifty (40) Days of Food" in a towering testament to kobold like book keeping.

>Current party

You, Durk Nuuk'erm, a BERSERKER PACKIN' BOLD AND A HALF. Skills:
- Professional Fighter
- Competent Crossbowbold
- Expert Striker
- Talented Fighter

From left to right are your other party members. They have NO money and NO belongings aside from what they are wearing.

Flarin, a TRACKER. Skills:
- Skilled Tracker
- Competent Crossbowbold

Glilmus, a MERCHANT.
- Adequate Record Keeper
- Competent Appraiser
- Competent Swordsbold

Domin, a DOCTOR.
- Adequate Bone Doctor
- Novice Diagnostician
- Novice Surgeon
- Competent Suturer
- Competent Wound Dresser

Tlaylder, a CHEESE MAKER
- Master Cheese maker
- Competent Swordsbold

You may CHANGE names if you like, and add ONE(1) accessory so that Durk Nuuk'erm may have a fighting chance in telling any of them apart.

The shopping will continue.
The square wagon wheel is priced as all other wagon wheels.
A quiver of crossbow bolts (20 bolts) is priced at 2 copper.
No. 382129 ID: d95cf4

>Tlaylder, a CHEESE MAKER

Change name to Urist.
Wear cat bone earring.
No. 382134 ID: 807ed3

>square wagon wheel

what no


No. 382136 ID: bd2a40

The hell?
Is this going to be some caravan adventure or are we going to strike the earth and found a fortress?
If such is the case, we lack vital skills in our dwa.. kobolds which will make it tough. Should probably get a pickax as well, since there might be mining..
No. 382138 ID: 0d7a83

Buy ONE (2) cows and live on Master Cheese forever.
Also change Tlaylder's name to Chedda.
No. 382142 ID: e3f578

Ahh yes, Chedda is a perfect name for a woman to woo
Dress her up in a chef's hat

>Flarin, a TRACKER.
Gangster Fedora
Racoon Cap
>Dom, a DOCTOR.
Paste on Goatee
No. 382146 ID: e3f578

Make Flarin's nickname FLAVA FLAV
No. 382156 ID: 76c597

With two crossbowbolds, hopefully we should be supplementing rations through most of the trip. Stock up on oxen (2) and wagon wheel (2) for the worst, and plenty of bolts.

Grandfather clocks double as melee weapons/traps in a pinch, so what the hell, roll with it.
No. 382161 ID: 6e44d2

Oh man this is so good.
No. 382163 ID: e3f578

If Durk needs an accessory, just draw your favorite type of sunglasses lagotrope.
No. 382168 ID: 49d4d7

If your gonna do this, FLAVA FLAV needs a mini grandfather clock on a chain as a necklace
No. 382173 ID: 7c31d2

I love the fact that Durk is both a professional fighter and a talented fighter
No. 382180 ID: d6af4f
File 132753738229.png - (146.90KB , 700x700 , 6.png )

This is a trading caravan, with a mission to trade with allied gnolls, and to deliver a message!

Additional goods will be carried by this wagon, but they are stricly off limits, and will not be appearing in standard inventory. You, with your honor as caravan leader, will never open them except in life or death scenarios.

Flarin will now be "Flava Flav", and wear a fedora. She will also be wearing the disassembled front part of a grandfather clock.
Glilmus will now be "Gil", and wear a Raccoon cap.
Domin will now be "Dom", and wear a fake goatee.
Tlaylder will now be "Chedda", and wear a chef's hat. She will also wear a cat bone earring.

Spectacles would be nice, lest you, Durk Nuuk'erm, be left out of the accessory party. Please choose between spectacles A and spectacles B.
No. 382181 ID: d6af4f
File 132753741717.png - (105.39KB , 700x700 , 7.png )

You buy a crossbow. It is not nearly as big as yours, because yours is a big fucking crossbow. You get ONE (20 bolts) box of bolts.

You buy TWO(2) swords and TWO(2) shields.
You buy ONE(2) cows.
You buy ONE(1) oxen.
You buy ONE(1) spare wagon wheel
You buy ALL (3) of the grandfather clocks.
You buy FIVE (5) Wagon Wheel Spinning Rims.
You buy FORTY (40) days worth of food. Which is 6 days for 5 kobolds.

You count out FORTY FIVE (54) copper coins, and hand them to the merchant. He accepts your payment, and leaves you with your goods.

You have zero (0) copper pieces left. Once you have chosen your spectacles, you may leave for your journey.

Embark? (y/n)
No. 382182 ID: 9c7c3b

A, and... nnnoo, let's talk to other people on the trail.
No. 382183 ID: 46c430

B is the only possible choice.
No. 382185 ID: 0d7a83

A hard choice, but A.
No. 382186 ID: e3f578

It's been a while since we've seen such a fine playa wearin' B
No. 382187 ID: 7c31d2

Wear both pairs!
No. 382190 ID: 4bdd79

No. 382195 ID: c71597

A, Durk needs his own style of shades.
No. 382196 ID: 6a5a08

No. 382197 ID: b4798d

>You buy ONE(2) cows.

Another fine example of kobold bookkeeping.

Also, another vote for A.
No. 382206 ID: e3f578

Get Chedda to work making awesome cheese immediately
We put an investment into her, now we need returns!
No. 382208 ID: f354ab

Guys, we chose the name Durk Nuu'kerm. We are not being subtle.

No. 382214 ID: bd2a40


Also, could we somehow get a belt with the Duke Nukem buckle?
No. 382216 ID: d95cf4

>You buy TWO(2) swords and TWO(2) shields.
>You buy ONE(2) cows.
>You buy ONE(1) oxen.
>You buy ONE(1) spare wagon wheel
>You buy ALL (3) of the grandfather clocks.
>You buy FIVE (5) Wagon Wheel Spinning Rims.
>You buy FORTY (40) days worth of food. Which is 6 days for 5 kobolds.

total is 59c + however much the cow(2) was/were.

> You count out FORTY FIVE (54) copper coins, and hand them to the merchant.

I love you Durk. (i vote B)
No. 382217 ID: e3f578

If we're going all out with the accessories, we may as well just give him a Duke wig, a red wife beater, black pants, and kobold size boots with a cigar to top everything off.
No. 382225 ID: 5a5118

Who knows how to navigate? or Drive the carts?
No. 382227 ID: d6af4f
File 132754670766.png - (155.08KB , 700x700 , 8.png )

You are well versed in the ways of waving reins around until oxen move forward.

Chedda has begun using your purchased cow (2) to make cheese.

You talk to people out on the trail.
>"It's mighty fine weather we're havin'. Plenty of game, as well. You can trade with the natives out in the landmarks in the wild, but they're expert traders, so don't think you can pull a fast one!"

You embark on the 1st of Hematite (4th month). It is noon.
The pace is Steady.
The rations are Filling.

It is 2 o clock!
Gil's health is poor!
Dom uses his Diagnostics (Novice) to decide that Gil has a fever.
No. 382228 ID: 9c7c3b

Rations to bare bones, pace to grueling. It's the only way.
No. 382230 ID: c71597

Let Gil rest some in the wagon while we press onwards!
No. 382233 ID: 6a5a08

Wet your loincloth in a river and place it on Gil's forehead.
No. 382240 ID: c6ec33


... You're telling me he got a fever in *2 hours*?!


What's Dom's confidence that he can cure this ailment? If he's a n00b... uh, is there any way we can just wait here and send someone back to fetch a healing mage? Or at least some herbs? Losing a few hours on the first day so that someone doesn't ~die~ is probably a good idea. Besides, the "Rest" option generally takes a lot of time anyways...

Alternatively, if that's not really an option, take a rest break while hunting and looking for herbs simultaneously. If possible. How hardcore OT is this?!
No. 382241 ID: bd2a40

Oh hell, somebody is sick already. Have you designated a hospital area in the cart? Is the water right next to Gil?

Flava Flav needs another skill. Gather some wood along the trail and get her making wood crafts to make more money later on.
No. 382243 ID: bd2a40

Forgot to mention this, but it would seem this is very quickly becoming Kobold Caravan: Slave to Armok: God of Blood.
I wonder how we get migrants..
No. 382263 ID: 369d34

Gil got sick in two hours? Is his constitution approximately zero?
How well do you trust Dom's diagnostic ability? 'Cause "novice diagnostician" could diagnose a 'bold with hypothermia as having a fever, and vice versa.
No. 382269 ID: 459534

Gil's got a fever? Have Chedda fix him some hot chicken-noodle soup, gently kiss his forehead, and sing lullabies to him till he falls asleep. In the morning everything will be all better! :3c
No. 382278 ID: f70e5e


does doc know how to treat fever? if not just let him rest in the cart and make sure he gets lots of water.
No. 382290 ID: 365adf

SHIT. This looks awesome.

Well anyway, let's pop up the rations tab and see if we can adjust it to be a bit more conservative, but still rather filling.

You know, unless it's one of those Hi-Med-Low kinda things.

Let Gil rest, give him a glass of milk and all that jazz, keep him this way until further diagnostics show no more signs of the fever.

And uh... what else is there to do? do a little hunting, I guess?
No. 382291 ID: 807ed3


oh... oh god, I know this. we're doomed. we're all doomed. it doesn't matter what we will do. this is the end.
No. 382299 ID: eb784a

This is genius!

Make sure to take a crossbow while you're at it and shoot him in the side, then take the bolt out, and apply salt to the wound.

No. 382300 ID: 210977

start hunting right now

shoot all of the buffalo
No. 382301 ID: 8db80a

Apply master cheese and rest to Gil, switch pace to " haul ass" and finally sing "the Rocky Road to Dublin" with the loudest, manliest voice you can muster.
No. 382320 ID: 459534

No. 382324 ID: d6af4f
File 132758693533.png - (60.44KB , 700x607 , 9.png )

Paces: Steady/Strenuous/Grueling
Rations: Filling/Meager/Bare Bones

Pace have been set from STEADY to GRUELING.
Rations have been set from FILLING to MEAGER.

You apply Chedda's Masterwork Cheese and Milk to Gil's FEVER, as well as have Chedda apply a kiss to the forehead, while Gil will rest inside the wagon.
Dom says he is very certain it is just a fever.
You have no healing mages.

You begin hunting, while singing "The Rocky Road to Dublin" in the manliest voice one can muster.
Flava Flav will search for herbs while you hunt.
No. 382325 ID: d6af4f
File 132758694870.png - (122.47KB , 700x607 , 10.png )

A wild buffalo has appeared.
No. 382326 ID: c71597

Durk and Flarin goes out to hunt them. Killing as many as they can, then we can raise the rations since we got an excess of buffalo meat.
No. 382327 ID: e3f578

Flava Flav can't go hunting because she is hunting an all new type of prey
HERBS N SHIT, gonna light up one when she gets back

Chew some gum, spit it out and use your boot to kill buffalo. Or shoot with the crossbow, whatever hurts more with your skillz.
No. 382328 ID: 807ed3

move away. slowly...
No. 382331 ID: bd2a40

No, no, no! Durk Nuuk'erm has got balls of steel and no mangy buffalo will scare him off.

This is the right course of action.
With the meat that will be acquired, rations can be set back to filling to compensate for the grueling pace.
Also, do not forget to take all the tongues and skin you can.
No. 382335 ID: 6a5a08

No. 382336 ID: f70e5e

set the rations back to filling. also have someone work out how long the trip would take on any given pace.
No. 382339 ID: d6af4f
File 132759950088.gif - (94.74KB , 700x607 , 11.gif )

You take a moment to chew One (1) stick of gum, and spit it out. You start tropping your boot on all the buffalos.
No. 382340 ID: d6af4f
File 132759952483.png - (103.73KB , 700x700 , 12.png )

You have tropped down 1490 days worth of food. You are able to carry back TWENTY FIVE (30) days worth of food back to your wagon, and leave the rest.
The Pace is GRUELING.
The Rations are FILLING.

You ask Gil to work out how long the trip would be with each given pace.
Gil now has 'Dabbling' skill in Mathematician!
Gil has Mathemetized the following Pace versus Time chart.
No. 382341 ID: d6af4f
File 132759955716.png - (147.57KB , 700x700 , 13.png )

2nd of Hematite, Morning

You have reached a landmark.
You are at the Bondy Wingthread River!
It is 11 inches deep.
It is 20 feet across.

Do you...
-Ford the River
-Caulk the Wagon and float across
-Take the path around (Around TWO(2) additional days.)
No. 382342 ID: d6fdce

Oh gog, I am not watching this shit, you KNOW its going to be:

>River: Ford,raft,hire guide
>Grats, you died of dysentery.
No. 382344 ID: d6af4f
File 132760017761.png - (89.44KB , 700x700 , 14.png )

Flava Flav has also returned with Herbs (Unidentified).
Flava Flav now has Herbalism (Dabbling)
You apply Unidentified Herbs to Gil's Fever.
You smoke the rest.
No. 382345 ID: bd2a40

Hmm, I think yesterday we had 22 days worth of rations for five kobolds. That presumes that the rate of consumption is by default Filling.
No. 382346 ID: 6a5a08

Apply water to loincloth.
Apply loincloth to fever.
Go around.
No. 382347 ID: 807ed3

don't fucking ford. go around.
No. 382348 ID: 7c31d2

Its less than a foot of water, I say ford it!
No. 382349 ID: 210977



No. 382351 ID: f70e5e

how fast is the river going? if its relatively slow it should be safe to ford, if its fast even a shallow river can be dangerous.
No. 382353 ID: 9dc814

Kick some trees down and bridge the river.
No. 382355 ID: 34b2f0

No. 382359 ID: e68ae8

This or ford it.
No. 382360 ID: 76c597

11 inches, the wheels should still touch bottom. Let's do the fording thing.

All kobolds in the wagon, lest they break a leg or get swept away or some other silly thing.
No. 382364 ID: d6af4f
File 132761441282.png - (257.92KB , 700x700 , 15.png )

You take your SPARE loincloth, wet it, and apply to Gil's Fever.

Gil's fever has subsided.

>Ford the river

You attempt to ford the river.
No. 382365 ID: d6af4f
File 132761442190.png - (66.60KB , 700x700 , 16.png )

Gil has fallen out of the wagon into the river!
No. 382366 ID: d6af4f
File 132761443163.png - (165.42KB , 700x700 , 17.png )

You manage to save Gil from death by drowning.
You have made it across the river.
Gil is sick. Dom uses Diagnostics to decide Gil has Cholera.
No. 382368 ID: ed57e8

if gil lives we are tying him down.
No. 382370 ID: 886a4d

Hes gonna need alot of fluids. I suggest gathering water, boiling it and making buffulo broth soup. That should help replace the electrolytes hes losing.

Cholera is typically from poor sanitation so I suggest you also start being stricter about cooking food, boiling water and disposing of waste.
No. 382371 ID: 807ed3

lovely. since cholera is the kind of disease that kills you by making you pee all of your nutrients and bodily liquids out of your ass, you should have Gil eat a lot, and even more importantly drink a lot. in fact, fill all your empty containers with water from the river now and have Gil drink more than he needs.

change pace to pleasant stroll.
No. 382372 ID: 6a5a08

Rest and Pray to the god of chaos.
What could possibly go wrong?
No. 382376 ID: a2fa74

If Gil gets dysentery then just shoot him.
No. 382385 ID: e3f578

Ask Gil if he has offended any gods lately
He seems to be getting the short end of the stick for this entire trip
No. 382389 ID: 1b0f2f


The waters of these rivers run with pee. Just touching them is enough to contract cholera.
No. 382400 ID: cf49fc

But pee is STERILE. It's full of freaking AMMONIA.
No. 382402 ID: 9dc814

>Dom - Novice Diagnostician
How sure is Dom of the diagnosis?
No. 382414 ID: e68ae8

Ammonia and water.
No. 382415 ID: c4a1fc

That's only stale piss.
No. 382417 ID: c6ec33

Rest. :C

Follow up rest with FILLING rations and STEADY pace.
No. 382418 ID: c71597

Gil will need lots of fluids. And a potty, definately going to need a vomit bucket as well. Dom will have to be careful with his hygiene while tending him.
No. 382420 ID: bd2a40

What is the current status on our cheese making?
No. 382421 ID: 9c7c3b

hey guys
i guess this means that Gil's gonna blow it out his ass
No. 382424 ID: d6af4f
File 132762348231.png - (133.59KB , 700x700 , 18.png )

You talk to Gil, and ask if he has offended any gods.
>"I don't think so!"
There are no Shrines for praying around here.
Dom is certain of his diagnostic.

Dom will be in charge of Gil's Cholera and care.
Current Cheese Count: 2 servings (masterwork)

You rest for a day.
3rd of Hematite

The Pace is now STEADY.
The Rations remain at FILLING.


4th of Hematite
A thief has come and stolen ONE (1) sword!
Dom has been bitten by a snake.
Dom uses Diagnotician to decide that Dom has been bitten by a snake.
Dom is now an Adequate Diagnostician.
No. 382426 ID: ed57e8

trap the sword box so that doesn't happen again. was it a poisonous snake or a regular one?
No. 382427 ID: c71597

Get Flava Flav to track down that sword thief, then Durk will go over there and show them why you really shouldn't try to steal from him.
No. 382428 ID: 9c7c3b

Um, fuck... I'm not sure how to treat snakebites. Dom shouldn't move, at all. It might be worth resting for a day. Give him the most nutritious food you have. In fact, shoot the snake, butcher it, cook it with some cheese and serve it to him.

Oooooh fuck, I just realized that this is a two-way trip. It'll be like going to Oregon twice.
No. 382429 ID: c71597

Might have to widen the wound a bit and try to suck the venom out.
No. 382430 ID: c4a1fc

No, that's retarded. The circulatory system CIRCULATES. Sucking the venom is only surefire if you drain ALL his blood, and widening wounds is a terrible idea. Put a tourniquet 2-4 inches above the bite. Keep him calm. Don't give him food or water, that speeds up the absorption of venom. Keep him still.
No. 382431 ID: c4a1fc

Try splashing alcohol on the wound to kill germs.
No. 382432 ID: c4a1fc

Tourniquets don't work on viper bites. They do work on elapid bites, though.



What kind of snake did it look like?
No. 382433 ID: e3f578

Durk, have you offended any gods? Also, avoid flirting and/or sleeping with any of the women. We have Cholera floating around here, plus pregnancy would be terrible on this trip. I know it has to be tough keeping Flava Flav and Chedda off you but you gotta bat 'em off and hope they don't gain any LOVE SICKNESS.

Ask Dom if LOVE SICKNESS is an actual threat besides a joke. Then apply mighty boot to snake. Rub salt in bite. Get Flava Flav to get more herbs and have Dom smoke some.
No. 382434 ID: e3f578

And try and get her to identify the shit before anyone smokes it.
No. 382436 ID: 6a5a08

Suck the poisoned blood out of the wound and spit it out like the BERSERKER PACKIN' BOLD AND A HALF you are.
No. 382439 ID: d6af4f
File 132762726745.png - (188.49KB , 700x700 , 19.png )

You have offended no gods as far as you know, but you also know that gods can be fickle little spoiled princesses.

You think it might be a good idea to suck the wound, but you recall that you are no KNEE-SUCKER.
You apply your BOOT to the snake, and have Chedda cook it up and apply Rattlesnake Cheese Stew to Dom's Snakebite.
He insists that LOVE SUCKNESS is not a threat. You are not sure you agree, but you are also not the doctor.

Nonetheless, you make sure to keep your sweet lovings to yourself.

You make sure to keep your swords inside of a container for safe keeping.

Flava Flav will use HERBALISM.
Flava Flav comes back with UNIDENTIFIED HERBS. She cannot identify them.

Flava Flav has tracked the THIEF to the nearby landmark of camp Tor Puspfyl. It is home to Kobolds and a few Goblins.
You may buy supplies or trade here, or CONTINUE ON.
No. 382440 ID: 369d34

Track that damn thief! You paid good money for that sword. You're not about to let from dirty criminal get away with it!

Let Dom rest while you find that stinking thief. You can't afford to have your only 'bold with medical skills die.
No. 382441 ID: c71597

We're going in and tracking down that thief, we're there to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and we only have one stick of gum left!
No. 382442 ID: e3f578

Demand that the establishment out the thief, there is a booting to be applied! Don't make Durk start chewing his gum to spit it out!

Buy antivenom. Buy Skill books, especially herbs and medicine ones, like identifying herbs and treating shit. If Dom and Flava Flav can't read, then get reading books and make them read them to gain the reading skill!
No. 382443 ID: e3f578

Sell Cheese because you have no money.
No. 382444 ID: 7c31d2

Check inventory, I want to know what we still have
No. 382445 ID: 9c7c3b

No. 382455 ID: 9c7c3b

Also, make sure to stroll into the village with the rims spinning. We have to make installing hydraulics on the wagon a priority.
No. 382459 ID: bd2a40

Trade away the cheese for actually GOOD medical help so that Gil would stand a chance of surviving. Have Dom pay attention so he might learn something.

Also, locate the thief and go all Nuuk'erm on him.
No. 382462 ID: d6af4f
File 132762950783.png - (159.79KB , 700x700 , 20.png )

This NATIVE TRIBE has no books. Or antivenom. Or wagon hydraulics.

You check your INVENTORY as your SPINNING RIMS spin at maximum velocity.

ONE HUNDRED AND FIVE (110) Days worth of food (per kobold)
ONE (1) Swords
ONE (1) BFC (Crossbow)
ONE (1) Crossbow (regular)
ONE (1) Box of Bolts (20 bolts)
TWO (2) Shields
ONE (2) Cows
THREE (3) Oxen
TWO (2) Spare Wheels
ONE (1) Spare Spinning Rims
ONE (1) Spare Axle
THREE (3) Grandfather Clocks

TWO (2) Sticks of Chewing Gum
TWO (2) Marble Chewtoys (Steel)

>"Welcome to our little encampment! We have Oxen, Food and Crossbow bolts. The weather sure has been hot, lately! Thankfully, there's lots of rivers to our east."

You offer all of your Masterwork Cheese. The return offer is 15 days of plain food, ONE Misbehaved Oxen, or one Magical Potion of Cure Disease/Poison.
No. 382463 ID: 1b0f2f

Give up and settle down right here. At least then you can start having babies then to make up for your ridiculously high mortality rate.
No. 382464 ID: d6af4f
File 132762954324.png - (129.22KB , 700x700 , 21.png )

The trading will be decided while you and Flava Flav track down the THIEF to his native tee pee and burst open the flaps.
No. 382465 ID: d6af4f
File 132762955530.png - (56.61KB , 700x700 , 22.png )

Inside you find a Native Kobold performing some pagan ritual hippy dance that involves YOUR STOLEN SWORD.

What do you do?
No. 382467 ID: 6a5a08

Trade cheese for poshun
No. 382468 ID: f70e5e

a stolen sword isn't worth killing someone over, give him one chance to give it back and if he says no shoot him in the leg with your crossbow.
No. 382469 ID: 32e092

Join the dance.

The dance is now a DANCING CONTEST.
No. 382470 ID: 7c31d2

Recruit the native kobold!
No. 382471 ID: 1e3433

Shoot the sword out of his hand and dropkick him through the tent.
No. 382472 ID: 9c7c3b

You're here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and you left your last stick in the wagon.
No. 382474 ID: f354ab

The Duke Nukem jokes, they burn. Also, Durk seems to be channelling a little Chop there. Was he your master?

Wait politely for the dance to be over - remember, gods are spoiled little princesses that may not like having their fruity dances interrupted. Then apply crossbow stock to thief's head.

Only once - or maybe twice if he keeps squirming. Try not to bash his head in.
No. 382475 ID: d6af4f
File 132763105637.png - (75.37KB , 700x700 , 23.png )

Chop was not your master.

It is impossible to join a DANCE CONTEST with this native, because you are the King of Dance, and it be like throwing a man in a wheelchair down the stairs.

You politely wait for him to finish his dance. You then inform him that you are here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and your bubblegum is back in the wagon.
You shoot the sword out of his hand, and kick him through the tent.
No. 382476 ID: d6af4f
File 132763106694.png - (67.52KB , 700x700 , 24.png )

You ask him if he would like to join you.
He is in no position to say no, and nods his head.

Do you recruit him?
No. 382477 ID: 7c31d2

Recruit the native kobold
No. 382478 ID: 6a5a08

Tell him he will work for you to pay off the debt for his theft of your sword.
If we runs, he'd better hope he's faster than your bolts.
No. 382479 ID: e3f578

We do
He is now officially Flava Flav's bitch
That is his occupation
No. 382480 ID: 32e092

Also, his name.
No. 382482 ID: d6af4f
File 132763214849.png - (99.47KB , 700x700 , 25.png )

You RECRUIT the Native.

Name: Native
Occupation: Native Kobold
Animal Trainer (Adept)
Native (Expert)

You change his Occupation to Flava Flav's Bitch.
You change his Name to Flava Flav's Bi

You do not have the available number of characters to change his name to that.

You TRADE your cheese for one Potion of Cure Disease/Poison

You are at the Ningword Bythead River. It is 1 foot and 5 inches deep. It is 30 feet across.
Do you Ford the River, Caulk the Wagon and float, or choose an alternate path?
No. 382483 ID: 32e092

Order Flava Flav's Bi to channel the river around behind the cart.

Glare at him while he works.
No. 382487 ID: bd2a40

Whelp, we need to get more food now.
No. 382488 ID: e3f578

Change Flava Flav's pace of riding Flava Flav's Bi hard to GREULING
No. 382489 ID: 6a5a08

Go around.
No. 382490 ID: 9c7c3b

Get Flava Flav's Bi to use the NATIVE skill to TALK to the RIVER to let you pass unharmed.
No. 382525 ID: 6d7eda

Ah fuck it just toss all the shit over it if you can't just walk through it.
No. 382526 ID: e3f578

No. 382550 ID: c71597

Lets just ford this motherfucker like proper men!
No. 382551 ID: 1b0f2f


Alternate path. ;_; Rivers are evil.
No. 382552 ID: 7c31d2

Go around!
No. 382572 ID: 886a4d

Ford. Tie a rope around every Kobolds waist attached securely to the wagon. A foot is still low enough that the wagon should be able to drive through w/o wetting the bottom.
No. 382581 ID: 807ed3

caulk that fuckin' wagon.
No. 382584 ID: ed57e8

ford, and tie gil down.
No. 382590 ID: a8e26e
File 132766078087.gif - (61.92KB , 838x422 , Ford.gif )

No. 382593 ID: 365adf

Ford that mother fucker, but first tie Gil to the roof of the wagon to prevent falling off and unnecessary repetition of unfortunate events.
No. 382602 ID: 4bdd79

>less than 2 feet deep
Caulk the wagon and pull it across. Don't even bother trying to get it to float.
No. 382606 ID: d6af4f
File 132768144478.png - (89.28KB , 700x700 , 26.png )

The NATIVE is behaving.
Dom's opinion of Dom's injury is that it sucks.
Dom does not believe Gil will die from this Cholera.

You ask Flava Flav's Bi to use his NATIVE skill to talk to the river, and failing that, to manually channel it behind the wagon.

Flava Flav's Bi believes that to be a very racist comment, but goes to commune with the river. The river does not respond.
Flave Flav's Bi tries to channel the river, while you glare at him.
He stumbles under your glare, and breaks his leg.
You keep glaring.

Dom diagnoses Flava Flav's Bi with BONEITIS.
Dom is now a Diagnostician (Competent)

You ford the river...

You have safely made it across the river.
Dom no longer has snakebite.
No. 382607 ID: d6af4f
File 132768147866.png - (153.01KB , 700x700 , 27.png )

7th of Hematite
Flava Flav has exhaustion.
Flava Flav's bi has exhaustion.

Gil still has cholera.
No. 382608 ID: 807ed3

rest for a day. treat FFB's leg as good as you can. just chill and smoke your herbs.
No. 382609 ID: c71597

Seems like everything is going more or less according to plan. Have Dom set Flava Flav's Bi's leg, will be good practice for him.
No. 382611 ID: 742815

Maintaining morale is as important as anything else.

Sing a happy song of your people. Alternatively, ask the native to perform a traditional jaunt.
No. 382614 ID: 56f9e4

feed gil cure disease potion
No. 382615 ID: 6a5a08

Splint the native's broken limb with that old spare loincloth and a stick or wooden pole or something, so it heals faster.
Save potion for emergency, don't waste on nonlethal cholera.
Have a singalong.
No. 382616 ID: d6af4f
File 132768967742.png - (118.19KB , 700x700 , 28.png )

Dom applies Sticks and Loincloths to Bi's BONEITIS.
Dom is now a Bonesetter (Competent)
You are indecisive to whether or not to use the Cure Disease potion on Gil's Cholera, and end up palming the potion inconsiderately in front of Gil while he blows it out his ass.

Bi cannot use his Native (Professional) skill to dance while having BONEITIS.

Instead, you all have a singalong during the day of rest.
The next day, you reach the Dead Thorn Wingby River.
It is several feet deep. It is 200 feet across.
It is very fast.

Do you ford the river, or caulk the wagon and float?
No. 382618 ID: c6ec33

Consult Flava Flav's Bi. Use NATIVE skill (or possibly just a map) to identify whether or not there's a ferry upstream or downstream.

If no ferry is available, initiate Operation Cockfloat.

We should also assume we'll get dragged downstream a bit no matter what happens. Depending on how bad things are downstream, we might want to go upstream a good amount before floating across.

Also, distribute bolds and trade goods around wagon in the best way possible to maintain good balance. And don't let any of them rock the boat, or by god you're going to rip off their cute little heads and shit down their cute little fuzzy necks till EVERYONE is blowin' it out their ass.
No. 382623 ID: 6d7eda

Every one aboard knew what they where getting into, caulk that bitch up and yell the wagon across!
No. 382628 ID: 6a5a08

No. 382634 ID: ac3c84

Ford it like the damn end river in Oregon trail!

But no. Go around.
No. 382645 ID: d6af4f
File 132770150918.png - (71.75KB , 700x700 , 29.png )

Bi is consulted. In his Professional Native opinion, there is no ferry for this river. This is an important landmark that separates kobold territy from the more dangerous sort. Which is every other sort. He also says there is plenty of room to drift downstream.

You shove all of your caulk onto the wagon to make it float, informing the others there will be NO ROCKING THE BOAT, lest you do things that Dom believes is physiologically impossible.
No. 382646 ID: d6af4f
File 132770152474.png - (69.97KB , 700x700 , 30.png )

The wagon tips!
No. 382647 ID: d6af4f
File 132770153616.png - (155.69KB , 700x700 , 31.png )

You have lost:
1 box of crossbow bolts
1 crossbow (regular)
1 oxen
1 spare axle

Gil has DROWNED.
Flava Flav has DYSENTERY.

You bury your dead. Would you like to leave an epitaph?
No. 382650 ID: b80810

"mutha tipped the boat"
No. 382654 ID: 6a5a08

"May the gods be better to him in death than in life."
No. 382661 ID: 1854db

"He loved water. Water didn't love him."
No. 382662 ID: f70e5e

No. 382666 ID: 6a5a08

Also, realize you have the latent psionic power to levitate cigars.
No. 382668 ID: 1f0901

>just exited the least dangerous area
>5/6 bolds remaining
We're fucked.

peperony and chease
No. 382669 ID: 1f0901

Shut up, Satan.
No. 382670 ID: d6af4f
File 132770630013.png - (116.69KB , 700x700 , 32.png )

Bi puts on a respectful epitaph.
You put on a couple epitaphs that better reflect your own feelings.
No. 382671 ID: d6af4f
File 132770635226.png - (131.18KB , 700x700 , 33.png )

10th of Hematite

You continue on your journey, and reach a crossroad.
You may go NORTHWEST to the goblin's Dark Fortress of Meads Ropen, or a shortcut SOUTHWEST (cut 5 days) through the undead regions known as Deep Sarmon.
No. 382673 ID: 7c31d2

Play it safe, go nw!
No. 382678 ID: 9c7c3b

No. 382687 ID: c6ec33

Absolutely nothing can go wrong with D'awwblins. Do it.
No. 382689 ID: 807ed3

gobbos are pretty cool. go on.
No. 382692 ID: 6a5a08

No. 382699 ID: d6af4f
File 132771119358.png - (104.26KB , 700x700 , 34.png )

You have no crossbow bolts to hunt with.
You go northwest towards the goblin lands.

12th of hematite
There is no grass for the oxen to eat.
Flava Flav has taken a turn for the worse.
No. 382700 ID: 82a03b

Fuck that. Have Durk trop them with his boot.
No. 382703 ID: 9c7c3b

Dom needs to assess the lethality of Flav's sickness. If it's lethal, then administer the potion. We can't lose our herb supplier.
No. 382704 ID: e3f578

Give Flava Flav plenty of fluids and rest
smack Bitch for not taking care of Flava Flav better
No. 382718 ID: c71597

Grind up some of the supplies gained from the bison and use that to feed the oxen. Nothing can go wrong with this plan, nothing at all.
No. 382724 ID: 4bdd79

Give Flav the potion. Dysentery is pretty much 100% lethal in this kind of environment.
No. 382726 ID: 7c31d2

Yep, time to give flav the potion
No. 382728 ID: d6af4f
File 132771926175.png - (67.75KB , 700x700 , 35.png )

You require at least 1 crossbow bolt to hunt, no matter what. Such are the indisputable laws of the universe.

Dom thinks she might survive, but is in clear danger.
You use a potion on Flava Flav. She will be fine.

You begin to grind up inedible parts of the bison to feed to the oxen. Bi says that idea is bad.
You slap Bi, but the oxen agreed with Bi, and did not eat any of it.
No. 382729 ID: d6af4f
File 132771928582.png - (111.94KB , 700x700 , 36.png )

You continue on.

14th of Hematite
An oxen has died. You have 1 remaining oxen.
You have reached the Goblin Dark Fortress of Meads Ropen.
No. 382730 ID: 6d7eda

Give the potion to Flav. If we got no feed for the oxen then it's time to teach them how to eat buffalo meat. And maybe how to hunt them as well.
No. 382732 ID: 1854db


Sneak arooound!
No. 382734 ID: 846bf0

Hey! Just because it's openly called a "Dark Fortress" doesn't mean it's evil! :V Knock on the door and see if we can trade with the goblins.

Also, if you're planning on resting anytime soon, now would be a good time to do it. Can you think of a safer place to rest than inside the walls of a giant fortress?

By the way, how much farther do we have to travel?
No. 382735 ID: 6d7eda

Try to trade for oxen and oxen feed. If they're the unfriendly type then let's try to rob em later.
No. 382736 ID: c71597

Tell Bi to get his sneak on and go in and see if they got any crossbow bolts or other stuff that might be good to steal/trade.
No. 382742 ID: d6af4f
File 132772209333.png - (145.79KB , 700x700 , 37.png )

You have no idea how long it is. Bi says some cryptic native crap like 'when the gods will it' or something.
You have no skill in sneak, and sneaking around isn't your style. You have Bi do that.
You go to the front door to TRADE.

>"Hey, 'bold. You want to trade? We've got rations, Oxen Feed, bottles of cure poison and bottles of cure disease, and weapons of all sorts."

You offer TWENTY THREE (32) chunks of masterwork cheese.

>"Uh.. okay, we're not used to taking so much cheese, but that is good! Here's what we're willing to trade for cheese. And those are some good grandfather clocks you had in there! I'm willing to count one grandfather clock as 15 pieces of your cheese, if you're willing to toss those in."
No. 382745 ID: 6d7eda

One cure disease, one oxen, and 4 two day oxen feeds meets our budget of twenty three (32).

Ooooorrrrrrr... We seduce the goblin with our steel chew toys and milk it for anything we can get.
No. 382747 ID: e3f578

Just what I was thinking

How much does a Durk brand lovin' afford?
No. 382748 ID: 32e092

Buy the goblin.

Also some bolts so we can hunt.
No. 382749 ID: 1f0901

Yes, let's introduce her to our CHEW CHEW CHEW TOYS OF STEEL.
No. 382751 ID: bd2a40

Get at least one Cure Disease potion, since, well, your doctor sucks..

Also, slap her on the ass. You would not be the Durk if you did not do such things at every opportunity.
No. 382752 ID: 1854db

Buying another oxen is a good idea. So's buying at least 10 days of oxen feed. Also, buy some bolts.

I'm willing to trade them a grandfather clock to buy more supplies.

Another potion of cure disease would be nice...
No. 382755 ID: d6af4f
File 132772443639.png - (56.36KB , 700x700 , 38.png )

You use your TWO (2) marble chewtoys (steel) to seduce the goblin. As a BERSERKER PACKIN' BOLD AND A HALF, you get a bonus to this check.

She says that it has been awhile since her tower has had outside company, and offers that if you REST here for THREE (3) days, she'll throw in an additional Bottle of Cure Disease, and FORTY (40) copper pieces, at which point the deal may be finalized. Also, all party members (and oxen) will be fed during the stay without having to use party supplies.

Do you accept?
No. 382756 ID: 365adf

Oh hell yes, "Rest" the fuck out of them Goblins.
No. 382757 ID: e3f578


Durk Nuukem just became a professional gigolo
No. 382763 ID: fa9f7e

...You seem to have "fuck" and "rest" mixed up. But yeas, this. See how many tips you can get.
No. 382766 ID: 9c7c3b

>She says that it has been awhile since her tower has had outside company
I'm getting the feeling that we're going to be introducing a lot of gobbos to our TWO (2) marble chewtoys (steel)
No. 382768 ID: d6af4f
File 132772611327.png - (108.50KB , 700x700 , 39.png )

You accept.
You give a shameless slap on the ass as she turns to guide you in.

You, DURK NUUK'ERM, rest the fuck out of them goblins.
The goblins also rest the fuck out of you for three days.
No. 382769 ID: d6af4f
File 132772612505.png - (120.42KB , 700x700 , 40.png )

17th of Hematite

You have exhaustion.

Proposed deal for all of your cheese:

1 box of bolts
One cure disease potion
One Oxen
4 Two day oxen feed
One goblin

BONUS: 1 cure disease, 40 copper pieces

Is this deal acceptable?
No. 382770 ID: 9c7c3b

Hell yes it is.
No. 382772 ID: 365adf

> One Oxen


Let's check that Goblin's status sheet then?
No. 382773 ID: d6af4f
File 132772743611.png - (38.33KB , 700x700 , 41.png )

Occupation: Clothes maker
Adept Clothier
Talented Weaver
Skilled Woodcrafter

Please choose a NAME.
No. 382774 ID: 643f90



Butts McButterson
No. 382775 ID: fa9f7e


Tits McGee.
No. 382776 ID: 96e0ea

We need a name that reflects what she is and does. how about Nudist St. Bonermaker
No. 382777 ID: fa9f7e

Hm... how about St. Givespeoplewood?
No. 382779 ID: e3f578

Lawra Crauft
No. 382780 ID: 9c7c3b

Let's continue with this delightful theme.
No. 382782 ID: 846bf0

Pleib Oibonny
No. 382785 ID: fa9f7e

Phuuk Buni
No. 382786 ID: 365adf


Yup, this.
No. 382791 ID: ab46e3

No. 382793 ID: b7169d


Going with this!
No. 382800 ID: 6a5a08

Sure. Why not.
No. 382857 ID: 807ed3

mmmh. how many oxen do 40 coppers buy? we need a lot more of them.
No. 382859 ID: 4bdd79

40 copper would buy 4 oxen at the start.
No. 382862 ID: d6af4f
File 132776452985.png - (143.51KB , 700x700 , 42.png )

The Goblin is now named Lawra Crauft

Oxen at this Dark Fortress cost 20 copper. Would you like to buy 0, 1, or 2?
No. 382863 ID: e3f578

We'll get them for a better price later bro
No. 382867 ID: fa9f7e

No you won't. Trust me, you won't. Prices were 10. Now they're 20. Later they'll be 40.
No. 382868 ID: e3f578

Oh fuck it then
No. 382869 ID: bd2a40

At the rate things are going, we need spares. Get two.
No. 382870 ID: e3f578

Hold on, wait a minute
Durk, how much more haggling would you need to do to get a haggling skill up?
If we get good at this, we can make profits further along the trail. I just did some research this strategy is legit. Just "rest" for extra money and skill ups and we'll get mad stacks yo.
No. 382875 ID: d6af4f
File 132776925319.png - (150.03KB , 700x700 , 43.png )

You check your haggling skill. You are a haggler (talented) towards the opposite sex.

You buy TWO (2) Oxen with your remaining money. You have 9 masterwork cheeses for the last THREE (3) days of Chedda's rest.

The pace is STEADY.
The rations are FILLING.

Do you continue your journal east?
No. 382878 ID: c71597

Yeah sure, we can make it!
No. 382893 ID: d6af4f
File 132777397376.png - (124.31KB , 700x700 , 44.png )

You continue your journal.

19th of Hematite
No. 382894 ID: d6af4f
File 132777399272.png - (142.18KB , 700x700 , 45.png )

A native gnoll comes to your wagon.

>"Ey, ey! You're far from home, aintcha? Around here, you've got to pay the toll, lest bad things happen. You give me some stuff. The better it is, the less accident you guys get."
No. 382895 ID: c71597

I think this Gnoll is about to have a boot related accident happen to him from our dear Durk. Fucking bastard has to learn when he shouldn't try something.
No. 382896 ID: 4bdd79

Or, you know, just shoot him in the face.
No. 382897 ID: 6a5a08

One bolt is all it takes.
Right in the neck, so he can't yell for backup.
No. 382902 ID: e79d6a


Crossbow his face in.
No. 382904 ID: 886a4d

Shoot him, butcher him. Add him to rations.
No. 382905 ID: 9c7c3b

Throw him some cheese, then shoot him as he admires it.
No. 382906 ID: bd2a40

Durk is exhausted, which means the gnoll is going to die in a slow and painful fashion.

Also, he can't look weak with in front of the women, so violence is clearly the only answer.
No. 382908 ID: d6af4f
File 132777706369.png - (125.68KB , 700x700 , 46.png )

You negotiate the gnoll with a crossbow bolt.
You have Chedda use her Cook (Adequate) to make rations.

You get 30 days worth of food. You now have 75 total rations.
No. 382909 ID: d6af4f
File 132777708722.png - (111.43KB , 700x700 , 47.png )

20th of Hematite.

Gnolls have ambushed during the night! You are able to force the gnolls to retreat despite EXHAUSTION, but Flava Flav has took a minor wound, Lawra Crauft has taken a moderate wound, and Chedda has a grievous wound.
The gnolls have killed wounded 1 oxen.
The gnolls have stolen 10 rations. You have 59 remaining.
The gnolls have broke one wagon wheel, but Lawra Croft was able to fix it.
No. 382911 ID: 9c7c3b

Chedda noooooo! We have to get help!

...And where was Bi this whole time?
No. 382916 ID: 807ed3

wait, did they kill or woulnd the ox? you can't do both simultaneously, obviously.

anyway. Dom should do some healing shit while Bi does a tribal dance of healing or prayer or some shit.
No. 382917 ID: d6af4f
File 132777913905.png - (124.21KB , 700x700 , 48.png )

You take a look at the killed wounded ox to see about differentiating the two. It is merely wounded.
Bi fought alongside you, and managed to go unscathed.

Dom dresses all of the wounds. He is now a wound dresser (competent).
Bi uses his Native (Professional) to perform a healing ritual. You're pretty sure it isn't doing a thing, but Chedda smiles, so you aren't going to piss in her gnollflakes.
Dom claims that continually moving may be dangerous for Chedda, but staying here may result in more gnoll attacks.
Lawra Crauft says the river is two days away, and the gnolls won't follow us past the river. She says we're in danger until we cross the river.

Do you continue, rest, and if continue, keep at a steady pace?
No. 382918 ID: 807ed3

we move at a strenous pace. also? we have at least two people stand watch every night.
No. 382919 ID: bd2a40

Could we perhaps stage a counter-attack on the gnolls? You know, go all one man army on them and steal all their shit after killing them off?

Also, not a single gnoll was killed when you drove them off? Really? The Durk killed nobody? I refuse to believe such a travesty..
No. 382921 ID: 886a4d

Chop up Gnoll for rations. Gnolls steal rations that night. heh

Ya I say grueling pace till river with Durk sleeping in the wagon during the day so he can take watch over night.
No. 382923 ID: 6d7eda

We need to get Doms doctor skills up, let's set up a counter ambush and capture some gnolls then get megele on em.
No. 382924 ID: f354ab

Chedda in the wagon, steady pace to the river. Use magical healing cheese on Chedda.

Now that you know the gnolls are coming, have the only lightly injured/non-exhausted party members start making traps as they can during the day. You're 'bolds, you guys ought to know SOMETHING about making traps; if not, substitute NATIVE skill.
No. 382940 ID: d6af4f
File 132778534725.png - (118.66KB , 700x700 , 49.png )

You move at a strenuous pace.
You create traps and keep an eye out at night.

20th of Hematite, 2 miles from the landmark river.

You are no longer Exhausted.
Gnoll ambush! With watch and traps, you are able to fend them off without injury. You are able to kill 3 out of the attacking 7, and have added 60 days of food to your rations.
A gnoll has stolen ONE (1) grandfather clocks.
A gnoll has stolen TWO (2) sticks of chewing gum.
You have TWO (2) Grandfather Clocks left

You have zero (0) sticks of chewing gum left.
No. 382941 ID: e3f578

Has this activated FULL BERSERKER mode, having no bubble gum to chew and having to kick more ass to make up for it?
No. 382942 ID: bd2a40

Okay, it's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum and Durk is suddenly all out of gum..

Have the others get the wagon across the river while you go eliminate the gnoll "threat".
No. 382945 ID: 6a5a08

Just keep going. We can kill the buggers on the way back once our guys aren't dying.
No. 382946 ID: 1854db

I agree except they should wait right at the river. Otherwise how would Durk get across?

Also maybe we should bring Flav as backup.
No. 382947 ID: 886a4d

Heh we've killed 4 Gnolls and they haven't killed a single Kobold yet. I say we don't tempt fate and cross the river.
No. 382951 ID: 807ed3

>all out of chewing gum

fuck the mission. fuck the caravan. you know what time it is. make them suffer.
No. 382954 ID: bd2a40

Depending on the width of the river and if we have rope, one end could be attached to a tree/rock/spare wheel on this side of the river. Then they could make it across where it is safe while holding on to the other end of the rope. Once Durk is done ripping off heads and shitting down their necks, he could be pulled to the other side.
No. 382976 ID: 4274d6

Agreed, everyone to the other side of the river. Durk will stay and HUNT.
No. 382986 ID: 13d0dc

they will be taught the meaning of fear.
this is the thing we will do.

but we need a way to bring the loot acrost the river.
No. 382991 ID: d6af4f
File 132780637072.png - (139.10KB , 700x700 , 50.png )

The party goes forward to the river. They will stay on this side of the river, but be ready to cross at the first sign of danger.

You dutifully inform the gnolls that you are out of bubble gum, and have to make up for the loss.

You TRADE with the gnolls. You offer Terror and Death. They counteroffer with Stolen Goods and Dying.
They accept the offer.

They are were big gnolls. That means they have had huge guts. You are able to carry back 30 days of food, your grandfather clock and ZERO(0) pieces of gum. They ate the gum on their way back.
You also gained 8 silver and 7 copper.
No. 382992 ID: d6af4f
File 132780639834.png - (98.12KB , 700x700 , 51.png )

You come back to the Wagon.
Chedda says she might not be able to make cheese for you anymore.

You are at the Down The Baryd Gin River. It is 1 and a half feet deep. It is slow. It is 30 feet across.
Do you...
Ford the river
Caulk the wagon and float
Try to hire a gnoll guide for 1 oxen or 1 grandfather clock
No. 382993 ID: bccf7b

No. 382994 ID: e3f578

Shed a single manly tear for your friend's pain
Take off your glasses for the first time in a while and dramatically look her in the eye
Is there anything she wants you to do?
No. 382996 ID: 365adf

Hug Chedda, pat her back while repeating "It'll be alright.", "You'll be just fine." and all that other mushy crap.

Optional: Tongue. Just a little.
No. 382998 ID: bd2a40

Gently slap her on the ass, as is proper.

Also, caulk the wagon and float. It is a slow river and Gil is gone, so chances are sort of good nobody will rock the wagon.. Thoroughly explain to all your party members that they are to be completely still while on the floating wagon.
No. 383000 ID: 369d34

The gnoll threat is gone, at least for a day or two. Rest for at least a day to let Chedda and the caravan recuperate.

"Hire a gnoll guide"? There are still gnolls around after what you did? They're either more courageous, or lacking in more self-preservation instincts, than you thought.

And what's this about not making cheese?! What the fuck is wrong, other than Chedda's grievous wounds? Something wrong with the cow?
No. 383001 ID: 1854db

30 feet across and slow? Ford it.

No. 383002 ID: 1854db

Oh and tell Chedda to try teaching Bi to do it. Or anyone who wants to learn, really.

It may not be masterwork but it'll help our situation.
No. 383004 ID: f354ab

We have plenty of gnoll meat. We can give her a day, just in case we shall say goodbye. Have everyone do the NATIVE dance around Chedda, just in case the pansy-assed gods feel like giving you a hand this one time.

While caulking the wagon, look each party member square in the eye and say, 'Anyone who tips over the wagon will need to get out and push. NO TIPPING THE WAGON.'
No. 383005 ID: d6af4f
File 132781309952.png - (70.59KB , 700x700 , 52.png )

Your pretty sure that your glasses have fused to your skull by this point, and cannot take them off. You also will only slap her on the ass if doing so won't probably kill her. Regardless, you tell her it'll be alright and other such sweet nothings. You ask if there is anything she would like.

"Finish the trip." she says, perhaps also another sweet nothing.

Bi has become an Adequate Cheesemaker by watching Chedda.

You inform everyone that you will kill anyone that rocks the boat and dies.
Lawra Crauft says the gnolls are sure to try and attack again if we wait for too long, even, or perhaps especially, because of your slaying frenzy.

You will rest on the other side.
You coalk the wagon and flauk across.
No. 383006 ID: d6af4f
File 132781310824.png - (79.05KB , 700x700 , 53.png )

Dom sneezes.
No. 383007 ID: d6af4f
File 132781311668.png - (78.69KB , 700x700 , 54.png )

You have lost One(1) oxen.
You have lost One(1) spare spinning rim.
Dom keps Chedda's stretcher afloat and drowned.

Would you like to write an Epitaph?
No. 383008 ID: 3c585f

are we sure he's dead? we don't have a Diagnostician anymore.
No. 383009 ID: 6a5a08

No. 383010 ID: 846bf0

"He died that others might live."
No. 383011 ID: bd2a40

"He died when he should have tried to stay alive better.."
No. 383013 ID: 1854db

"He saved lives."
No. 383014 ID: 7c31d2

"Stop burying me, I'm not dead yet!"
No. 383015 ID: ed57e8

No. 383016 ID: e79d6a


"He shouldn't have sneezed."
No. 383017 ID: 7c31d2

Right, next chance we get we should turn the wagon into a boat with wheels, might make us tip over less.
No. 383019 ID: 6a5a08

We have a woodcrafter too, let's do this.
No. 383022 ID: 1b0f2f

No. 383023 ID: e75a2f


Just write 'Dick' above his name.
No. 383029 ID: a1de0e

"He never did find his wife."
No. 383049 ID: b4798d


Step 1: Add a keel.
No. 383054 ID: d6af4f
File 132782005551.png - (102.20KB , 700x700 , 55.png )

Flava Flav is now a dabbling diagnoster.
It is her medical opinion that Dom is indeed dead. At least he certainly is now.
No. 383055 ID: 365adf

"Bless you."

Also, ask Lawra if she can wood-craft you some crossbow bolts.
No. 383056 ID: d6af4f
File 132782008929.png - (92.16KB , 700x700 , 56.png )

You rest for a few days. Chedda seems to have an improvement of health, and feels it is safe to move forward.
During this time, Lawra Crauft uses her Woodcrafting (Skilled) to attempt to make the wagon less of a deathtrap during floatation.

23rd of hematite
Bi has cholera.
Lawra Crauft has been bitten by a snake.
No. 383065 ID: 6a5a08

Flava Flav's Bi: Suck out the venom and spit it out.
No. 383103 ID: 1854db

Increase rations for the sick.
No. 383104 ID: 807ed3

oh shit. we lost our medic.

No. 383117 ID: bd2a40

Give one potion to Bi and have Flava Flav diagnose Lawra's snake bite to see if it is a bad one.
No. 383133 ID: e3f578

Durk, what is your skill in sexual healing?
No. 383136 ID: d6af4f
File 132785429787.png - (142.52KB , 700x700 , 57.png )

Bi sucks on the venom to spit it out. Flava Flav supposes that could help. She diagnoses it at a snakebite.
Rations are already FILLING.

You are a sexual healer (legendary)

25th of hematite
An ELF approaches your wagon.

>"Greetings, foul beasts, diseased green and mange grey alike. You are in elvish territory. Being a forgiving race, we shall allow you to remedy this most grievous error by turning south and going around. It shall take 10 days, but it is a small price to pay to avoid the contempt of the elves, and, by extension, the gods themselves."
No. 383137 ID: 14a1d0

Fuck them elves. We move for no elf.
No. 383139 ID: 56fa85

All they have are wood weapons. Fuck their shit up.
No. 383140 ID: 6a5a08

"We're on a quest to stop a necromancer and to stand in our way is just going to anger any gods who happen to be against necromancy. Unless... you support necromancy,?"
No. 383141 ID: f354ab

Oh, those pansy-assed gods and their elves.

I say do it. Half of us are wounded, down the snakebite or cholera. Not a good time to battle elves. Just to be a little more Durk about it, punch him/her in the face and agree, "We'll go around."
No. 383144 ID: e3f578

tell the elves to stop hatin' on kobolds
it's a dick thing to do
stop being dicks and being rude
seriously guys
guys seriously

gobbos are fine too. Come on, you haven't heard the joke about the time gobbo's and elves had a huge ass orgy? You guys should be over this racial stipulation and shit.

Ask this elf where the female leader is, we'll get permission to roam these lands.
No. 383145 ID: 1268e6

See if you could convince her diplomatically (i.e. seduce) to let your group move on: you will promise to not bother them, and by extension the gods, too much. They can give you perfume and some good clothes if they think that'll help.

Failing that, go around. Better not fuck around with another sort of dudes when everyone is injured and tired.
No. 383146 ID: 807ed3

uhh... sexually heal the arrogance out of her?
No. 383148 ID: d6af4f
File 132785799791.png - (147.44KB , 700x700 , 58.png )

Your Duke Senses (Grand-Master) tell you that this elf chick is not actually a chick.

You ask where their female leader is. He says that is sexist to assume a female is in charge.

You tell him to stop hatin' on kobolds. And gobbo's are fine too. You mention a joke about gobbo's and elves having a huge orgy.

>"NO! NOO!! NOOOOOO! THAT WAS THE GOD OF CHAOS! THE EVIL, VILE GOD OF CHAOS! It didn't count! There was no.. it wasn't the elves, it was a curse upon the elves! Dear gods, NOOOOOOO!!!"

You thought you were making shit up, but you hit a nerve.
No. 383151 ID: d6af4f
File 132785812499.png - (140.06KB , 700x700 , 59.png )

The elf is sobbing in the fetal position, and does not want to negotiate anymore.
Lawra Crauft is making funny chortles.
Flava Flav has diagnosed Lawra Crauft with "The Gigglefits."

Bi says there are two ways. Go around north, into human lands, or go south, into very rough terrain. Or, go through the elven lands.
No. 383155 ID: c71597

Lets go north and trade some with the humans, we got cash and loot from the gnolls that we can use.
No. 383158 ID: 1268e6

Let's skip along the human lands. Humans are certainly going to be more likeable than elves, and will probably even trade with us.

Also see if you could heal Lawra's Gigglefits with a frisky squeeze on her bum.
No. 383160 ID: 6a5a08

Proceed NORTH.
Who needs elves anyways?
No. 383162 ID: f70e5e

we go through elven lands we are going to get attacked repeatedly. lets go south into human lands. they are a bit more accepting than elves. at least enough that they probably won't go out of there way to attack a caravan of kobolds.
No. 383166 ID: 807ed3

I do like humans so.
No. 383183 ID: d6af4f
File 132787174722.png - (144.02KB , 700x700 , 60.png )

You apply a Potion of Cure Disease on Bi's Cholera and move to the human lands.

A thief has come in the night and stolen 1 oxen.
You are at the Hamlet of Nars Mopede.
There is a human in a rocking chair at the side of the road.
>"You jus' keep those oxen movin' now, 'bolds."
No. 383184 ID: 1268e6

Do as he says. That man is clearly not to be trifled with.
No. 383185 ID: e3f578

What is this guy? Their leader? THis hick just sitting out in a rocking chair? Bitch, we got good business!
Quit hatin' on kobolds, we're tiny and adorable. I bet your wife would adore the hell outta Durk.
No. 383189 ID: bd2a40

We need to go exact revenge on the thief and get our oxen back.
No. 383190 ID: 807ed3

do we... do we even have any oxen left?
No. 383191 ID: fa9f7e

Of course. He stole ONE (0) oxen, leaving us with NEGATIVE ONE (4) oxen. We clearly have FOUR ( 4) oxen now.
No. 383192 ID: fa9f7e

This. If REALITY ITSELF objects: Use your BERSERKER PACKING BOLD AND A HALF powers to stare REALITY ITSELF in the eye until it backs down and makes it so. Then sexually heal REALITY ITSELF's wife of her husband's lack of phallumegaly.
No. 383196 ID: 1854db

We have 2. We had 4 when leaving the gobbo fort since we bought 2 extra.

I think we should quickly ask if trading is an option, and just keep going if the answer is no. No need to make a fuss.
No. 383198 ID: f70e5e

we don't need supplies so if they won't trade that's there loss.
No. 383202 ID: d6af4f
File 132787630302.png - (42.72KB , 700x700 , 61.png )

You currently have 2 oxen.
You ask if you may trade.
He eyes his shotgun crossbow.
You tell him to stop hatin' on kobolds. They're adorable. You bet his wife would adore you.
No. 383203 ID: d6af4f
File 132787633020.png - (76.15KB , 700x700 , 62.png )

You manage to escape the hamlet with a few inconsequential bolts stuck in your wagon tarp. Not like they would have given you, Durk, any issue, but you could not be sure about the same for your companions.

You forgot to cure Lawra's gigglefits, and are 3 days late on the draw. Better late than never, so you employ the cure anyway. It's the thought that counts.

You are at the Throwing Dryan Bed river. It is 1.5 feet deep. It is 50 feet across. It is of moderate speed.

Ford, caulk, or hire a ferry for 50 copper?
No. 383204 ID: c71597

Lets play it safe and use the ferry this time, since there actually is one.
No. 383205 ID: 1854db

We have effectively 87 copper. That's a fucking expensive ferry.

No. 383206 ID: 431fa8

Consult our people. 1.5 feet isn't so deep to ford, right? And our wagon has been improved to caulk even if that doesn't work out, so... surely we don't need to pay for the ferry?
No. 383207 ID: e3f578

It was just one guy on the outskirts of that hamlet
you could have taken him before he hurt anyone with your mighty boot

Try and haggle with a powerful female on board the ferry. Also, write a big poster with "Stop hatin' kobolds. We're just passin' through, seriously, let's just do business with you guys. Two parties gain here what the fuck" and point to it stoically anytime anyone gives you a hint of hatin' automatically. Then ask why he hatin' so much if they persist hatin'.
No. 383208 ID: bd2a40

Every time we try to cross, something happens.. At first it was shit luck, then it was funny, now it is just shit, though still funny.

Doesn't anybody build freaking bridges in this place!?

Anyways, complain loudly, see if the ferry is run by a woman and if so, "bargain". If shit goes wrong again, take the losses out of the ferry and its crew..
No. 383212 ID: 6a5a08

1.5 feet? Aren't you all (barely) tall enough to walk through? Never mind a cart pulled by MIGHTY OXEN.

Ford that shit, caulking only results in death.
No. 383213 ID: 1854db

I think that Lawra could grab any kobold that falls overboard so they don't drown. She could wade alongside the wagon and maybe keep it from tipping, too.
No. 383214 ID: e3f578

Guy's, our first river, Gil almost drowned when we forded it and it wasn't even a foot deep

This is like Oregon Trail guys, people drown accidentally in depths you'd have to purposely drown yourself in.
No. 383215 ID: 807ed3

50 copper? brigandry!



No. 383216 ID: 807ed3


(holy crap it almost rhymes)
No. 383217 ID: 4274d6

There is no way this could go wrong.
No. 383223 ID: 1854db

Uh guys this trail will be used more than once; future caravans will likely go through here later. If we get a reputation amongst the humans for being NOT COOL then they will start attacking us on sight. The gnolls are not as big a threat as the humans as they don't have guards with plate armor and shit.

Let's not hijack the ferry.
No. 383225 ID: 4274d6

You're right, we should disguise ourselves as gnolls first.
No. 383226 ID: d6af4f
File 132788266653.png - (72.58KB , 700x700 , 63.png )

You, Durk Nuuk'erm, could easily have booted the one to the head, but that one would quickly turn into the entire sheriff department. You have no time to put up with such trifles.

You create a billboard on the side of your wagon that reads, "Stop hatin' kobolds, seriously you guys, we're just passing through."

There is no female ferry leader. You caulk the wagon and float.
No. 383227 ID: d6af4f
File 132788267538.png - (73.86KB , 700x700 , 64.png )

Bi scratches an itch.
No. 383229 ID: d6af4f
File 132788286124.png - (106.98KB , 700x700 , 65.png )

You make it to the other side safely.

A human caravan is here.

>"Kobolds? You must be gutsy to be passing through here! Gold's gold, though, if you'd like to trade."

You have THIRTY THREE (33) pieces of cheese.
You have 8 silver and 7 copper.
You have 79 rations.

Oxen - 7 silver.
Spare wagon wheels - 1 silver
Magical Source of Wagon Hydraulics - 15 silver
Food - 1 copper per ration.
No. 383231 ID: 13d0dc

No. 383232 ID: 1854db

Ask him how much he's willing to buy your clocks for.

...what other stuff do we have that we could trade?
No. 383233 ID: bd2a40

No matter what we get, you are bargaining with a woman. At least I am pretty sure it is a woman.. Maybe a male half-elf, but that would just be horrible luck.

Anyway, if it is indeed a babe, begin haggling as only Durk can.
No. 383234 ID: e3f578

That's a chick right?
Apply haggling skill!
No. 383236 ID: d6af4f
File 132788483886.png - (133.34KB , 700x700 , 66.png )

You use your Haggling (Talented) on this woman.
She says that she really can't sell the hydraulics for any less, but is willing to give you excellent prices on your cheese and grandfather clocks and such goods.
No. 383237 ID: 7c31d2

Sell the clocks and buy the magical source of hydraulics!
No. 383238 ID: 1854db

Sell all the cheese! That'll give us enough to buy the hydraulics. Maybe we should consider buying some rations too.

We need to hunt soon. We haven't done enough hunting.
No. 383241 ID: 3c585f

sell all the cheese, keep the clocks, buy the hydraulics and an oxen.
No. 383242 ID: 4274d6

^Good plans. Very good plans.

Do they have any healing mages? I really want to get Chedda back. She's been so good to us and it pains me to think that she's crippled now to our own bad choices.
No. 383243 ID: bd2a40

Durk makes no bad choices, just choices that are not as fantastic as others. But yeah, see if they can provide any healing services.
No. 383259 ID: 6a5a08

I read that as buy the hydralisks.
This option is also a viable plan. Hydralisks are solid ranged fighters.
No. 383260 ID: cf49fc

First Cerebrate we come to, we'll buy ALL his Hyrdralisks. Until then, PIMP OUR WAGON.
No. 383261 ID: fa9f7e

She looks female. "Rest" with her if you still don't have the cash, and charge extra for exotics. If she's not into guys, offer Lawra Cruft.
No. 383265 ID: d6af4f
File 132789224201.png - (101.76KB , 700x700 , 67.png )

You sell all of the cheese. You now have 2 gold, 5 silver and 2 copper (1g = 10s = 100c)
Flava Flav and Chedda admire those two gold pieces. It is the only gold pieces they have ever seen.

The human says that she has 2 potions of healing, enough to put a couple up to full health, for 1g a bottle.

You offer to 'rest' with her. She says that is tempting, but they are on a journey north, and cannot afford to stick around.

You buy the hydraulics for 1 gold, 5 silver. You now have 1 gold and 2 copper left, you do not have enough for both healing potions and more oxen unless you sell grandfather clocks.
No. 383266 ID: 6a5a08

Buy the potion for Chedda.
No. 383269 ID: fa9f7e

How many guards does she have? Try to think of a reason why you shouldn't just become a bandit and attack her, then subsequently steal her stuff and take the money back. After you've pretended to conclude negotiations and she's turned her back, utter a badass one-liner and kill them all.
No. 383270 ID: c04c0d

Man we cant be trying to improve kobold relations while murdering good trading partners.
No. 383272 ID: 6a5a08

Do not do this.
No. 383273 ID: bdb3f8

Man, if people wanna trade for our clocks, go for it. We are gonna have a successful trading mission even before we get to Oremor.

And the most pimped out wagon ever.
No. 383274 ID: 886a4d

Nah, I don't really wanna become a bandit. Lets buy the potion for Chedda and be on our way.
No. 383276 ID: 7c31d2

Buy a potion for chedda, don't attack the human, have celebratory sex with chedda once she is healed
No. 383278 ID: d6af4f
File 132789448663.png - (103.87KB , 700x700 , 68.png )

There are a few guardsmen, but there are also ladies. And the Durk does not kill ladies. Unless she turns out to be a she-bitch, but you are quite certain that she is an honest lady.

You buy a potion for Chedda. She kisses you on the cheek. You smack her behind and continue on your journey.

28th Hematite
You are entering the final stretch of land, back into gnoll territory. You may raft down the river for additional speed, or move across trecherous landscape where you are sure to run into hostile gnolls before friendly gnolls.

Will you go by water or by land?
No. 383280 ID: 886a4d

Land, we've lost more to water then anything else. Plus we need rations. Half the party sleeps in the wagons during the day. The other half during the night. We can keep travelling 24/7 for this last stretch.

Sure the oxen will keel over dead if we keep it up for too long but I have a feeling stopping for the night would be bad. Call it a hunch.

Durk should remember the last time they encountered Gnolls and the lost bubblegum. They won't be getting anything else from him.
No. 383281 ID: bd2a40

Water has failed us at (almost) every turn. Rather face gnolls the Durk can easily eliminate than that treacherous liquid again..
No. 383289 ID: fa9f7e

Go by land, but first urinate in the river in a manly fashion just to spite it. Nothing bad can happen.
No. 383306 ID: e3f578

I would not piss in the river. You know sometimes there are parasites in rivers that can climb up your bee stream right into your urethra? Nope nope nope
No. 383315 ID: 369d34

Think the wagon hydraulics would help in moving over the terrain? They would allow you to raise the wagon up and over rocks and shit that would otherwise trap it. It also would make it high-centered, and more likely to tip over.
No. 383321 ID: fa9f7e

Those things only live in ONE tropical forest :<
No. 383323 ID: e3f578

on earth
who knows here? It's the fucking Oremor trail!
No. 383324 ID: fa9f7e

Okay, change of plans: don't piss in any rivers until you capture a gnoll and make him test it first.
No. 383350 ID: 807ed3


they did some research on that, and apparently, they jump, not swim upstream.

but anyway I don't trust these goddamn rivers one bit. so land.
No. 383392 ID: d6af4f
File 132794347451.png - (138.41KB , 700x700 , 69.png )

1st of Malachite

You piss in a river to spite it. You're not afraid of any microscopic bugs and parasites.

You are back in the gnoll lands. 3 gnolls approach the caravan.
>"Ey! Best hand off yer goods, lest ya hand off your lives and yer goods!"
No. 383393 ID: c71597

Show them some of the gnoll rations and ask them if they really want to do this.
No. 383394 ID: 578dec

Apply crossbow to the face of the largest one.

Offer to 'rest' with that female standing in the back.
No. 383396 ID: e3f578

Denounce all the male's sexual ability compared to yours and promptly shoot all the aggressive males.
Females get an extra chance to stand down.
No. 383397 ID: bd2a40

Taunt the gnoll leader into a one versus one fight with you. Beat him(to death) handily and negotiate with any female gnolls in the party. If there are no female gnolls in the party, give them a chance to stop hating on merchant caravans. When(if) they refuse to stop hatin' on you, kill them and collect rations/loot.
No. 383405 ID: 0d7a83

Use sweet hydraulics to rise above their reach, then us the height to RAIN DOWN POINTY DEATH.
No. 383407 ID: 807ed3

decorate your caravan with their heads
No. 383410 ID: c9b053

No. 383412 ID: e3f578

that would not go down good with the allied gnolls once we arrive, no matter how friendly they are, we may cause chaos within their ranks.

I hope the Chaos God didn't hear that.
No. 383415 ID: d6af4f
File 132794997822.png - (41.47KB , 700x700 , 70.png )

You ask them if they are sure about this.

"Ya think labeling some meat 'gnolls' should scare us? Ya think we're dumb? Time to die!"
No. 383416 ID: d6af4f
File 132794999242.png - (100.50KB , 700x700 , 71.png )

You inform him he was correct on all counts.
No. 383417 ID: d6af4f
File 132795000701.png - (63.01KB , 700x700 , 72.png )

The female gnoll is the only survivor. She surrenders.

Would you like to recruit this one?
No. 383418 ID: 3af198

No. 383419 ID: 431fa8

Not really, but I suppose we might as well. Name her Gnollflakes as a sick joke.
No. 383421 ID: c71597

Sure, why not? She can guide us past other gnolls, that is if she values their lives.
No. 383423 ID: bd2a40

Of course.
Do not forget to slap her on the ass to seal the deal.
No. 383425 ID: d6af4f
File 132795061352.png - (44.62KB , 700x700 , 73.png )

You offer her the position.
She takes it. She also says she will require 3 times the rations.

Name: Gnollflakes
Occupation: No Me Gusto Mucho Bandito

Is this okay? (y/n)
No. 383426 ID: e3f578

I'm saving Pussy Aplenti in case we recruit a cat girl somewhere in these lands
It's too good a bond reference to give up
No. 383428 ID: c4298f

Harness Gnollflakes in front of the wagon to go easy on the oxen. You only have the two of them, but there's an unlimited supply of Gnolls.
No. 383429 ID: e9b708

get Gnollflakes to dress more sexy, cause she looks like a dude
No. 383430 ID: 807ed3

craft gnollskin jacket
No. 383431 ID: c6ec33


y x 100

Also, use Gnollflakes as a guide to get you through the hostile Gnoll lands. She might know which areas to avoid, and which are best to cut through.

However, she might not be trustworthy yet. Consider application of seduction to increase trustworthiness and loyalty.
No. 383432 ID: d6af4f
File 132795254051.png - (75.49KB , 700x700 , 74.png )

You accept. You get 40 rations from the other gnolls. You keep the non-gnoll rations in a seperate pile, because like a true gentleman, you won't make her resort to cannibalism. Or pull the wagon with the oxes, as tempting as it is.

You slap her on the ass to seal the deal.
You add her group's stolen loot of 3 gold and 2 silver, and 3 longswords to your inventory.

You have a private interview with her to analyze her loyalty. You can conclude that she will not backstab you. You will also get Lawra to fashion her better clothes to make her appear less dude-like, and you continue the journal.

With Gnollflakes, you are able to cut on the outskirts of gnoll clan territory, and minimize interaction and trouble.
No. 383433 ID: d6af4f
File 132795260726.png - (147.01KB , 700x700 , 75.png )

3rd of Hematite
Your hydraulics are so awesome that they nearly jump an impassable cliff, but unfortunately Wagon Shock systems cannot handle the awesome that the hydraulics lay down, and bust 2 wagon wheels and their spinning rims. You have 1 spare wheel. Lawra is unable to fix them, they practically exploded. You wish you had a wizard scrying device to record just how hard that wood exploded. Lawra can build another, but it will take time.
No. 383435 ID: e3f578

All we can do is wait, so wait
No. 383436 ID: 1854db

Use the two other spinning rims to craft a BITCHIN METAL WHEEL.
No. 383442 ID: bd2a40

I think now is the time to hunt. Bring Gnollflakes as her size will allow for more rations to be brought back, seeing as she is seven to eight times larger than you.
No. 383443 ID: c6ec33


All of the things!
No. 383444 ID: d6af4f
File 132795537507.png - (63.64KB , 700x607 , 76.png )

You go hunting. Game is scarce. You brought Gnollflakes, and she says that this area is bad for hunting, but the good areas have lots of gnolls.

You conclude that the only good game you can find around here are gnolls

Would you like to hunt GNOLLS?
No. 383445 ID: 210977

>spawn buffalo 100
No. 383446 ID: e3f578

I see a rabbit
There is some game. We'd at least have some rabbit stew
No. 383448 ID: fa9f7e

Oh, and for future reference- those parasite fish? They aren't microscopic. They're candiru, and they're the size of a gnoll's index finger. They jump up your penis and then their barbs lodge them inside. It is indescribably painful and requires surgery to remove.

Anyways, hunting sounds good, and maybe talk with your wimminz to see how they are.
No. 383449 ID: 1854db

I dunno, we've got 10 days of food left. Let's not attract attention while we're at a standstill. We could get hit by a war party. If we go hunting it should be right when the wagon is ready to go again.
No. 383453 ID: d6af4f
File 132795661835.png - (48.35KB , 700x700 , 77.png )

You decide to allow the gnolls another day of living, and go back with a single rabbit for a rabbit stew dinner. Despite your efforts, you are not able to telepathically spawn 100 buffalo, but you were always one for taking life, not making it.
No. 383454 ID: d6af4f
File 132795664179.png - (118.29KB , 700x533 , 78.png )

Bi says there is no forge or tools or anything to use the spinning rims to make a metal wheel, bitching or otherwise.

You spend the day talking with your wimminz and for some reason Bi is there too. You toke up the remaining unidentified herbs, and do other stuff like strip poker and whatever else people do on wagon trips. It sure would be something if gnolls attacked right now.

...but they don't come. Gnollflakes did a good job of avoiding them.

Lawra Crauft finishes the next day, and you continue onward.
No. 383455 ID: d6af4f
File 132795665013.png - (177.61KB , 700x700 , 79.png )

6th of Malachite
You arrive at your destination. You are certain this is the place, and Gnollflakes said there used to be a clan here, but there are no gnolls.
No. 383456 ID: 063c28

Check to make sure it's been abandoned for some time.

Then loot everything.
No. 383458 ID: 6a5a08

Basically this.
And by loot everything we mean search for clues.
And then loot the rest of everything.
No. 383459 ID: 1854db

Time to track? Or just go wandering around to see if you can find someone. Leave the caravan behind I guess.
No. 383460 ID: 807ed3

light a bolt on fire and fire it into the tumbleweed.
No. 383461 ID: d6af4f
File 132795834281.png - (105.50KB , 700x700 , 80.png )

You'd rather not pin the crime of arson on a tumbleweed.

It would appear that the gnolls must have had some warning before they had to leave, although not so much that they brought everything. There are still gnollish swords and shields, and some valuables by way of coin, crafts and non-essentials. You find 12 gold pieces, various crafts and tools, and what have you.

The question is, what now? Flava Flav says they have been gone for at least a week. It would be difficult to track them down. You may....

Attempt to track them.
Go back home.
Settle here.
Go wherever you please and please wherever you go as a traveling caravan.
No. 383462 ID: 886a4d

So we made it... and no one is here. Figures. Explore for clues n loot.
No. 383463 ID: 886a4d

We came here on a mission and damned if we aren't going to finish it. Track 'em down.
No. 383465 ID: 40cb26

Well shit. We came this far, let's try to track them down. But if we can't find them let's keep on caravaning in our pleasurable way.
No. 383466 ID: 1854db

Blah. Nothing to do but track them.
No. 383467 ID: e3f578

fuck settlements we trackin'
No. 383468 ID: bd2a40

Wait, settling is an option? Not sure we have the people to ensure genetic diversity..

Rest here for a bit and have Lawra make a couple of spare wheels and axles. When done, you might as well track them down.
No. 383469 ID: d6af4f
File 132795947383.png - (141.07KB , 700x700 , 81.png )

Genetic diversity is never a problem with Durk Nuuk'erm.

You attempt to track them, resting in the abandoned camp. You spend 3 days like this, in which Lawra is able to craft 2 spare wagon wheels and 1 spare wagon axle.
Flava Flav says there are lots of tracks around going in all directions, it is nearly impossible for her to tell which way they went, or if they split up or not. There is little in the ways of clues, as gnolls were not known for their record keeping. It looks like there might have been a battle involved, but Gnollflakes says all gnoll residences look like a battle took place.
No. 383470 ID: c6ec33

I'd say grab the raw materials to do this, but don't wait around. Tracking is already difficult; doing it later would likely be impossible.

You're trackin' up, trackin' up, trackin' up, trackin' up, cuz your daddy taught you good.
No. 383471 ID: c6ec33


Best timestamp.

Also, ask Gnollflakes if there are any clans friendly to this one in the vicinity. If there were, odds are that's where they'd head.

Also, see if you can find the largest concentration of "new" tracks.

We're not afraid of ADVENTURE.
No. 383472 ID: 807ed3

ummmmmmmmmmm........ go left?
No. 383473 ID: e3f578

What do you know of the gnolls you were allied with? Perhaps some searching and diplomacy with neighboring tribes will tell you more
As long as Gnollflakes tells you which ones will least likely fight and more likely speak.
No. 383475 ID: bd2a40

Also which ones have female leaders. This is quite important, it seems.
No. 383476 ID: 1854db

Fuck. Let's go hunting, and capture one of the gnolls alive. Interrogate them and ask if they know anything.

Also we're going to have trouble with rations for Gnollflakes aren't we, if we keep hunting gnolls for food?
No. 383477 ID: d6af4f
File 132796135566.png - (151.48KB , 700x700 , 81.png )

Gnollflakes says she'll eat the gnoll rations if she must, it's simply preference that she doesn't.

You go west, following some of the tracks. Luck is on your side, as you reach a clearing, where some gnolls have set up camp. You are prepared to hunt them, but after a talk, they are part of the allied gnolls. All you know is that their leader was called 'Clamp,' which proved to be enough.

You proceed to trade miscellaneous goods for miscellaneous goods, using your Haggling (Talented) on the other gender to get prime deals. You also give the message to pass on to Clamp.

They offer for 1 copper per food ration as well, and you can rest here, talk, or move on.
No. 383478 ID: e3f578

So what happened, you guys just split?
No. 383479 ID: 1854db

Buy 160 rations (20 days) (we have a shitload of gold may as well spend some), and ask if they have any idea where Clamp's main group went.
No. 383481 ID: d6af4f
File 132796283864.png - (130.12KB , 700x700 , 82.png )

She says she isn't entirely sure what was happened, she was on a hunting trip. She is on her way to a meetup zone, where she will deliver these supplies, and thanks you. She adds that for the record, the meetup zone is supposed to be a secret, and she won't show anyone who involves themselves with other gnolls.

You buy 160 rations for 1 gold and 6 silver.

With built up resistance to snake bites, cholera and dysentery, and skill and knowledge with crossing rivers, you are certain that the trip back home will be a piece of cake. Would you like to go home and finish the mission?
No. 383482 ID: bd2a40

But, adventure!
How about you go back home and then take your ragtag group on another caravan adventure, seeing as you are so good at it?
No. 383483 ID: d6af4f
File 132796355578.png - (30.83KB , 700x700 , 83.png )

The Durk has no reservations about going on future caravan adventures, but there is little reason to not complete the mission he has been assigned first.
No. 383485 ID: 1854db

Protest, saying Gnollflakes is with us under duress. We killed the rest of her group and spared her so that she'd be able to get us out of trouble. I mean, we've even got a bunch of gnoll jerky, c'mon lady.
No. 383487 ID: 1854db

...on the other hand maybe we don't really have much reason to go to where Clamp is?
No. 383491 ID: bd2a40

One has to wonder though, if the kobolds have somebody as awesome as the Durk, how come they are always in deep shit of one variety or another..
No. 383493 ID: 886a4d

Finish this mission. Then adventure!
No. 383494 ID: 369d34

Well, this is a toss-up. On one paw, you want to complete your mission quick. On the other, you want to make damn sure that this message gets to Clamp. You don't want Gil and Dom's deaths to be in vain if this little gnoll encampment misses the meeting somehow.
You could give Gnollflakes enough rations to get her back to her clan, and send her on her way. Maybe give her back some of the coin you looted from her deceased comrades. Then this pack of gnolls might take you to their meeting place.

Durk's one of those wandering hero types. You know, the kind that don't stick around to solve every one of your piddly problems.
No. 383495 ID: d6af4f
File 132796785434.png - (39.04KB , 700x700 , 84.png )

The gnoll insists you not follow, and assures you that she will get the goods to Clamp.

You don't have particular reason to see their chief personally, and you believe she is telling the truth.
No. 383498 ID: d6af4f
File 132796819871.png - (120.82KB , 700x700 , 85.png )

With that, you have no reason to stick around, and head back. You report a very successful mission back home, and use much of your gold to purchase the wagon for your personal use.

You ended the mission with 6 members in good health, and more supplies than you began with, and all 3 grandfather clocks.

Your rank is King of the Caravans.

With your own wagon and party members, you head out again for new ADVENTURE.
No. 383499 ID: 1854db

Hail to the King, baby.
No. 383500 ID: 40cb26

Bolds of Steel.
No. 383596 ID: 1268e6

Spend a few days recovering and resting (if you know what I mean), then head off for a new ADVENTURE.
No. 383624 ID: 807ed3

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