>>359904
this, oh god this. granted what we are trying to get them to agree to should probably be set ahead of time, but this would be so much fun.

>>359904

And our willingness to supply fermented beverage. Whoever can get the dwarves to do something wins. There's no way this can go wrong!

>>359904
this is not a test of leadership but a test of diplomacy!

First, this is what the very argument was started about in the first place,

Second, our opponent honestly believes himself to be a superior diplomat to us! He would actually agree (recall he has to agree) to such a contest.

Drunk dwarf-tossing diplomacy dance-off!

I like the diplomacy idea thing. It's not particularly crazy but it would pretty much solidify our win.

>>359904
This.

>>359904
Yes. That's a great idea. First one to get the dwarf to agree to something wins.

then get him to agree to a war.

>>360500
correction. not war. bare hands no-shirt fistfight among both armies.

Okay yeah I got a new option
who's the best lay
the druid is obviously the judge here so she should totally get up on this contest, this is how real superior elves operate. Well a stripping contest for the druid for basic foreplay then we start rocking in bed with real advanced foreplay then the real fun starts while damn good love music is playing in the background, then while all that is happening we have to make the dwarf agree to something.

THis is how real diplomats work. Selling yourself out, Sex scandals, and charming the pants off with foreign relations. We're going all out showign off all of the diplomacy skills at the same time to prove, once and for all who is the most treedamn superior.

1/2 Tom 2011/10/26(Wed)06:38 No. 361189 ID: c811c4
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Okay, it's an incredibly hard choice between the stripping contest between what I am beginning to suspect are two male elves, and a diplomacy contest.

After a whole lot of brainstorming, I've decided, by just a smidgen of a hair, for diplomacy. It was a reaaaaal tough choice, and I'm not being sarcastic. Not. At. All.

2/2 Tom 2011/10/26(Wed)06:43 No. 361191 ID: c811c4
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"I propose the test of diplomacy! The first one to get the dwarf to agree to something wins!"
>"Ha! You wish to beat me at my own game! You are getting cocky, young fool! Prepare to have your apples rotted! Your ego served a platter of coal! Your "sense" of "superiority" a "health" "dose" of "wa--"

>"Ye gods, elves! Bring me some booze, an' I'll agree to anythin'! Jus' bring me a keg! Even a mug will do!"

I'm going to pre-empt the obvious answer and say no, I will not cast a spell of Summon Booze. There is a such thing as too easy! At least when it comes to other people.

>>361191
"Tell this jerk what you think of him and I'll have the guards bring something up from your caravan. Or the nearest settlement if you're *shudder* out."

>>361191
I wish we could get some of that booze from the goblin tower. I mean, only the dwarf would be drinking it, but still, could be amusing. Oh well!

Start running! We gotta find whatever passes for a pub around here. I'm sure elves have alcohol of some sort.

>>361191
"Aww man Dwarf, where's the challenge in that. This diplomat is so shortsighted and prejudiced he wouldn't even try to suit both yours and his needs, just his. And if he does, he's selling out his previous opinions. Meanwhile, I'm clever enough to actually try to get booze without offending anybody, so just a sec, got to go try."

ask the druid if we have a form of making alcohol similarly to the way we're able to manufacture tables and arrows, or if we could start anyway. it'll solve that question anyway. Admit you've forgotten if it was magically manufactured or what else it could be. Are soylent tables people?

our elf should have better speed because of his hunting ability, while this other guy apparently lives in the town. to the booze fast!

there probably no booze in the elvs settlement, better run to the goblin tower

1/2 Tom 2011/10/26(Wed)11:09 No. 361232 ID: c811c4
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"Druid! Is there a pub? At all? Some humane way of making beer?"
>"No, to finish this contest, it seems you must convince the dwarf otherwise, or commit a terrible atrocity in the name of victory."
"And the tables and stuff?"
>"They are alive by magic. The furniture and houses are people too. You should know this."

2/2 Tom 2011/10/26(Wed)11:10 No. 361234 ID: c811c4
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This is the most stupid, most insane... either we race to the goblin tower, or we make booze with, quote, inhumane methods to save on time!

Our competition is trying to convince the dwarf to agree to something, anything, without booze. It doesn't seem to be working, but if I were in the dwarf's spot, I may agree to something just to shut the elf up if we take too long.

"dwarf, do you agree that this other elf is dumb?"

>>361234
"So dwarf, you want alcohol, am I right?"

When he says yes he has agreed with your statement and you win.

Tom 2011/10/26(Wed)11:31 No. 361238 ID: c811c4
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"Sooooo dwarf, would you agree this other elf is dumb?"
>"BOOOOOZE ye nitwitted, gallavantin tree huggin' snot nosed elf! I said I want some BOOOZE."
"So you want alcohol, am I right?"
>"Do those oversized ears have a use. elf?! O' co-- OHHHH ye dang blasted elf! I see yer wily game! Ye won't get a word outta me ya flute tootin' leaf kisser!"

"well then i'll hold you to that, if i get back and you already agreed with this other guy to just shut him up i'll be very cross because i would have no one to give the booze to." then send him running to the goblins.

>>361239
by him i mean our elf.

>>361239
upvote

You got any gold on you? ask if there's a chaos mage nearby and tell you've heard of a spell that summons booze, requiring no loss of life somewhere. In fact, say the goblin tower with the elf/goblin orgy in it that you scouted away from your regular route has said magical humane chaos conjured booze in it.

I know you said you'd make it a challenge or not that simple, so if we find an old descendant or a new deciple we advice souls don't know it yet, then that still counts as a challenge.

Wait, no say "All right, Mr. Dwarf, you win. There's no booze in this elven settlement obviously due to our cultural taboos, but remember that tower I reported, the one with the gobbo-elf orgy taking place? It's the closest place I know and the booze was conjured by a chaos mage, so I won't piss off my elven friends if I give you that booze. Agree to go with me to go get your booze, winning me the contest, and I'll take you there myself. I saw that it was spiked with aphrodisiacs but you said you didn't give a damn about the size so who cares about getting laid if you get your drink. If you want to get laid that much after, I treat you to a brothel as well so you don't have to choose from just the elves and goblins there."

If he's a trader, shouldn't he have a caravan with some of the stuff in it?

We could, you know, try legitimate diplomacy. Reason, logic, appeal and that sort of stuff.

Reason to him how booze isn't the travesty these elves think it is. Ask him if he agrees that nature provides fruits and grains readily to others as a gift, and fermentation is a perfectly natural occurrence.

>>361248

Currently Tom has only one disciple. This strategy will have to wait until Tom has too many to keep count of.

>>361303
But not the strategy in the dialog! We can still take the dwarf down to the tower and get him drunk!

>>361297
>trader
hey... dwarves are greedy little stubby things that LOVES GOLD and LOVES GEMS...

Go with that... I just want to trade with you, would you sell me for some gold!

>>361297
>fermentation is a perfectly natural occurrence
That's a good point. Just find some overripe fruit, e.g. apples, that have begun to ferment.

I have an idea!

Let's make mead! It's made with honey, which is gathered without harming anything (if done properly) and therefore safe for elves!

>>361326
You are right, there are naturally occurring fermentation. Although collecting it properly is going to be difficult.

>>361329
Excellent point! mead is fermented honey.
You could also ferment milk for alcohol.

Offer a mead trade agreement to the dwarf, where you produce and sell mead. The elves get to save the poor hops from being boiled alive. The dwarves get inexpensive alcohol. By supplying them with a humane elven alternative the dwarves end up producing less beer themselves, thus saving poor hops and barely plants.

1/2 Tom 2011/10/27(Thu)12:04 No. 361444 ID: c811c4
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Of course, mead!

"Dwarf, how about I propose trade routes with mead! Us elves can do that without harming plants, and you can get the first swig of the deal!"
>..... "AGRREEEED!"

>"Very good, Eliye!" The druid starts talking. "We had never thought of making mead, I do hope you can learn the recipe, and that it is true what you say. With this, us elves may yet have an agreeable trade with the dwarves! With this, I declare Eliye Leafburrow to be.... SUP---"

2/2 Tom 2011/10/27(Thu)12:05 No. 361446 ID: c811c4
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>"HEY SLIMEGIRL HEY HEY HEY!"

Concentration Broke!

>"There you are! Haha, you've been staring blankly at the trees for a long time. It's a good thing you left, the real second demon came back, and wow was he pissed right off! You probably shouldn't come back. In faaact, you should probably hide and hang low for a good while. Don't worry, the elves left beforehand, and we'll be alright. By the way, you taste really good. What were you doing out here anyway?!"

Oh dear, she's all diluted.

Tom, you should thank your faithful servant for channeling you for so long by dumping flour and sugar on her. Y'know, to thicken her up. Not to imply that she needs to become a cake or anything.

>>361447
You know what I changed my mind. You should try to make her into a chocolate cake slime.

>>361446
"I'm not gonna worry about the demon so long as everybody else is cool with it.
How's the first demon? He drown or anything?"

d'aww, she's like mudcake.

1/2 Tom 2011/10/27(Thu)13:58 No. 361475 ID: c811c4
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I'll pass that on to Muo.

>"I uh.. was doing stuff. Nothing important! I won't worry about the second demon. Did the first demon drown?"
>"Nnnope! He's asleep, but very much alive. You smell delicious too, you know? Like cake." the goblin says.

>Ah! I'm solidifying a bit, like icing! And.. wait, it sounded like we sealed a nice deal between dwarves and elves, and actually helped their relations. Wasn't I supposed to be doing the opposite?

.... fffffffffffff

Part 2 End Tom 2011/10/27(Thu)13:59 No. 361477 ID: c811c4
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un times still. Oh well. Wasn't that important! I'll just uh.. do other things.

"Are you done, Tom? The wine is out, and I'm getting lonely over here in this poorly established plane of existence!"

Yep, we're done here. Till next time!

>>361477
:Dc

Looks like the God of chaos and trickery just got tricked! We're good guys, Tom. Remember that.

>>361477
Turn yourself into a house with a white picket fence. You can make your own body a limb and move it around inside.

OR you could actually spruce the place up so Minci has a nice place to live.

OR you make this place into minecraft and let Minci easily design and decorate it however she likes. That would probably be best.

>>361481
That may be true for you but I think it's more we got so caught up trying to win against that other elf we forgot what we where there for.

>>361477
Wait we were supposed to be causing trouble? Sorry, we got distracted by the oddly enjoyable task of proving our superiority to a stuck up elf. Look on the bright side, though, the plan resulting in something like that happening means we have the chaos thing down.

while the mead trade agreement gives a SMALL measure of order in stopping a potential war between dwarves and elves. War has to be minor for it to be to our advantage, since a war over the dwarves ability to drink would result in the complete destruction of one side.

Furthermore, by giving the elves a ready supply of alcohol which is not against their moral code we open the door to much alcohol based shenanigans within their society. This is something we can and should follow up upon.

Establishing successful trade between the dwarves and elves actually does create chaos, not order- anything which increases contact between wildly different cultures is going to cause change in both of them. The only thing we have to worry about when trying to create chaos is leaving the status quo intact.

Which means that we succeeded with the dwarves and elves, but not with the goblins, if the demons are still in charge there and not changing things significantly. Unless by going and hanging out and being awesome Muo managed to convert some of them to chaos-worshippers, in which case we win.

>>361477
Tom, your not thinking in long terms. On top of causing an incredible amount of insubordination, we completely turned a scout and diplomat's life around! Who knows how the real Leaf guy will react! In fact, let's peek in on his life when you return, just without mind control. You can peek in on people, right?

Well that's how Chaos goes. You win some, you have some end up in ways nobody could have suspected.

choas is change, the relations between the dwarfs and the elves have certainly done that. also this means dwarves and elves are going to be coming into contact more. I think we should adopt braking the elves sense of superiority as a pet project.

Ya fucked up Tom. Got caught up in winning the game when your goal is to make it interesting not to win. Still resulted in a moderate amount of chaos. Who knew you could get elves to agree that stuff actually decays?

We just dramatically changed the elves relations with both Goblins and Dwarves, changed their leadership, and who knows what the additional aftereffects of the party will be.

Also, war is actually the status-quo between elves and dwarves and goblins. We sacrificed small-scale chaos for some potentially very long-term changes.