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Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)13:16 No. 292600 ID: 3416ec
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YOU are SUPER JUMPING GUY, the HERO of the KINGDOM OF WHEREVER. YOU must save PRINCESS GIRLFRIEND, your girlfriend, from a MYSTERIOUS FOE. You do not know who this foe is, because your FAX MACHINE ran out of TONER before the INFORMATION was CONVEYED.

The BEST PLACE to START, though, is GRASSWORLD. EVIL VILLAINS love to try to TAKE OVER GRASSWORLD because it... well, it has a lot of grass. You guess.

Your CURRENT INVENTORY consists of a WET NOODLE, a MUSTACHE COMB, and a pair of CLEAN UNDERPANTS. You have FIVE SHINEYS, which is the CURRENCY for this KINGDOM.

WHAT DO??!

I DON'T CARE WHERE THE BEST PLACE TO START IS GO TO THE LAVA WORLD

jump over enemy and whip it in the ass with the noodle.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)13:27 No. 292605 ID: 3416ec
File 130168962741.png - (47.71KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_03.png )

>>292602
You JUMP OVER the POKER FACE and attempt to give it FORTY LASHES with the WET NOODLE.

It DOESN'T DO ANY DAMAGE, because a WET NOODLE is a REALLY LOUSY WEAPON.

>>292601
You CAN'T GO to the LAVA WORLD yet, because you DON'T HAVE the VARIALAVA PROOF SUIT yet. What is WRONG with you??! Do you WANT to TURN YOURSELF into the WORLD'S first HUMAN BAKED POTATO?!?

ah. jump and land on it's back, crushing it into the ground.

>>292605
Put moderatly clean underpants on its head.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)13:44 No. 292613 ID: 3416ec
File 130169064760.png - (46.97KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_04.png )

>>292606

You JUMP SQUARELY onto the POKER FACE. It DIES while HUMMING "MUM MUM MUM MUM MAH." It also DROPS two SHINEYS.

>>292609
That would be a WASTE of PERFECTLY GOOD CLEAN UNDERPANTS.

get shiny and flower. go right.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)13:57 No. 292622 ID: 3416ec
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>>292614

You DO NOT pick up FLOWERS because FLOWERS are for GIRLS and for INTERIOR DESIGNERS.

You PICK UP TWO SHINEYS.

You ADVANCE to the RIGHT. You see a HELMETED DERP GUARDING a CASTLE. Strange, considering you've NEVER SEEN a CASTLE built in the GRASSLANDS BEFORE.

so you DON'T want to get a kicking awesome bouquet for your girlfriend made from the flowers found on your mission to rescue her? fine~

anyway looks like this guy can't be just jumped on with that spear in the way. get close then throw mustache comb in his face to distract him then jump on him.

>>292622
Say hello to the DERP. Ask who the castle belongs to.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)14:54 No. 292647 ID: 3416ec
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>>292645
"DERP! This CASTLE belongs to the GREAT and MIGHTY ATTORNEY DOG! DERP!"

>>292624
RESCUING PRINCESS GIRLFRIEND from whatever END BOSS has KIDNAPPED HER will probably be WAY BETTER than any SISSY GIRL BOUQUET you could OFFER.

ANYWAYS. You throw the MUSTACHE COMB at the HELMETED DERP. It has STUNNED him.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)14:56 No. 292649 ID: 3416ec
File 130169497690.png - (49.55KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_07.png )

You then proceed to STOMP THE EVERLOVING SHIT out of the HELMETED DERP. It DIES with a loud "DERP!"

It DROPS THREE SHINEYS.

awesome. grab shiney and let's see about clearing this castle off the beautiful grassland grass.

Get shiny, helmet, and spear. Drop wet noodle. Equip new stuff.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)15:15 No. 292665 ID: 3416ec
File 130169610298.png - (43.71KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_08.png )

>>292652
You pick up the THREE SHINEYS and proceed to the CASTLE ENTRANCE, which is STRANGELY WIDE OPEN. This BOSS must be pretty LAX about SECURITY.

>>292653
You CANNOT pick up the HELMETED DERP'S WEAPONS because they are PERMANENTLY ATTACHED to the HELMETED DERP and thusly DISAPPEAR when they DIE. Also, you want to HANG ON to the WET NOODLE because it FEELS like it will be VERY USEFUL later on.

JMUP EVERYWEHRE TO FIND HIDEN BLOKS

walk in like you own the place.

>>292665
GO BACK AND RETRIEVE YOUR MUSTACHE COMB! MUSTACHES ARE GOING UNCOMBED AS WE SPEAK!

Slap the top of the arch as you go in.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)15:44 No. 292689 ID: 3416ec
File 130169787968.png - (57.08KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_09.png )

>>292666
This is only the FIRST WORLD. There are probably HIDDEN ITEM BLOCKS on OTHER WORLDS.

>>292670
You SLAP the ARCH on your way in. FEELS GOOD, MAN.

>>292669
Unfortunately, you already USED your MUSTACHE COMB on the HELMETED DERP. It is GONE FOREVER. You shed ONE MANLY TEAR in memorandum.

>>292667
You STRUT IN like you OWN THE PLACE. Upon entering, you see the WORLD BOSS, the GREAT and MIGHTY ATTORNEY DOG. He looks FAIRLY DISGRUNTLED, possibly CONSTIPATED. You can never TELL with these LAWYERS.

>>292689
Mock him in his own language. Drop your pants and buttscooch like you own the place.

Ask him where your girlfriend is.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)16:08 No. 292706 ID: 3416ec
File 130169929359.png - (56.51KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_10.png )

>>292700
"ATTORNEY DOG! Where is PRINCESS GIRLFRIEND?!"

"GWAR HAR HAR! PRINCESS GIRLFRIEND is being HELD by DOCTOR TORI in his FORTRESS CASTLE!"

DOCTOR TORI! I should have KNOWN! Only HE is SMART enough to OPERATE a FAX MACHINE!

>>292690
That is GROSS and DISGUSTING and you suffer from RUG-BURN ALLERGIES so that WILL NOT WORK.

Politely ask for directions.

use the chubacca defense!

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)16:29 No. 292711 ID: 3416ec
File 130170059265.png - (57.05KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_11.png )

>>292707
"Oh, okay. Could you PLEASE tell me where DOCTOR TORI'S FORTRESS CASTLE is?"

"How about I SLAP YOUR SHIT?!"

Well THAT worked out WELL.

>>292708
WHAT the HELL is a CHUBACCA??

i mean Chewbacca. just start talking about Chewbacca is a wookie but lives on endor with ewoks. just keep talking until his head explodes.

>>292711
HOW ABOUT I JUMP YOUR SHIT?!

Do so.

Mention something slightly erroneous and then watch as the canine attorney goes out of his way to look up all aspects of that subject in order to prove you wrong. By the time he's ready for his rebuttal, you'll be long gone.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)17:31 No. 292765 ID: 3416ec
File 130170428868.png - (58.71KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_12.png )

>>292712
>>292716
"Uh... Endor lives on Chewbacca... no, wait... Wookies live on Endor, and Chewbacca... um... Ewoks don't live on Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca... uh... uh..."

ATTORNEY DOG gets tired of your PRATTLING and SLAPS YOUR SHIT.

"BARF!"

>You dead, bro!
>LIVES -1

damn. okay speed run past all the other enemies and get back to here.

then time it just right to jump and land on his huge head.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)17:38 No. 292770 ID: 3416ec
File 130170471175.png - (56.24KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_13.png )

>>292769
LUCKILY, the CHECKPOINT was right as you ENTERED the BOSS CHAMBER.

You are back to FACING DOWN ATTORNEY DOG.

up up down down left right left right B A

Point behind him, looking surprised, and say "Oh my GOD! SOMEBODY just got SLINKOMAN to draw PORN!" That will distract him.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)17:43 No. 292775 ID: 3416ec
File 130170503280.png - (56.67KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_14.png )

>>292772
>You have gained THIRTY EXTRA LIVES.

bounce on his head repeatedly

>>292775
JUMP OVER HIM AND GET THE AXE

>>292776
Do that.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)17:53 No. 292783 ID: 3416ec
File 130170559969.png - (92.23KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_15.png )

>>292774

"HOLY CRAP! SOMEBODY just got SLINKOMAN to draw PORN!"

"WHOA, really? I want to SEE!"

ATTORNEY DOG has TURNED AROUND, exposing his GIANT GLOWING WEAK POINT.

>>292778
There are NO AXES in this BOSS FIGHT. Do not AXE again.

Do you SEE what we JUST DID THERE.

vigorously apply noodle to weakspot!

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)18:12 No. 292793 ID: 3416ec
File 130170675961.png - (92.53KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_16.png )

>>292785
You VIGOROUSLY apply the WET NOODLE to the GIANT GLOWING WEAK SPOT for MASSIVE DAMAGE.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)18:28 No. 292812 ID: 3416ec
File 130170773543.png - (66.50KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_17.png )

"NOOOOO! My GLUTEN ALLERGIES! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!"

ATTORNEY DOG has been DEFEATED! He has dropped TWO LARGE SHINEYS, which are worth FIVE SHINEYS.

He has ALSO dropped a POTATO GUN, a STAPLE WEAPON used back in JUMPING GUY(R) for the PRETENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM(R).

AWESOME

Grab everything and go right.

VIKTORY DANCES

grab stuff and do a victory pose.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)18:54 No. 292836 ID: 3416ec
File 130170925325.png - (45.32KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_18.png )

>>292829
>>292830
There is NO TIME for VICTORY POSES, because EVERY MINUTE that PRINCESS GIRLFRIEND is not UN-KIDNAPPED is a MINUTE that you can't SPEND looking at her SWEET SWEET GAZONGAS.

You do ACQUIRE the POTATO GUN and the TWO LARGE SHINEYS.

CONVENIENTLY to the right is a ROCKET CAR that will TRANSPORT you to WORLD 2, the ICEWORLD. Since this is a LINEAR VIDEO GAME, it stands to GOOD REASON that the FORTRESS CASTLE is in WORLD 5.

Graft potato gun onto your arm to become JUMP MAN

>>292836
Shouldn't fortress world be world 8?

Oh great an ice world.

Hop in. See if you can find the turboboost button...

>>292836
Also open your mouth and don a red cape while holding the potato gun.

The rocket is clearly a trap.
Get ye to walking.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)19:13 No. 292858 ID: 3416ec
File 130171042275.png - (50.74KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_19.png )

>>292846
ROCKET CARS are ALWAYS SAFE, since the BOSSES themselves use them to TRAVEL to OTHER WORLDS.

>>292837
That's SILLY, you can just HOLD the GUN like a NORMAL PERSON and not some SUPER FIGHTING ROBOT.

>>292840
You are in no way a MASOCHIST like the GUY from I WANT TO BE THE GUY. Seriously, that GUY needs THERAPY.

>>292838
There were 8 WORLDS originally, but the DEVELOPERS had to CUT some CONTENT in order to MEET UNREASONABLE DEADLINES set by the ASSHOLE PUBLISHER.

>>292839
HERE we GO! Staring up those ROCKET ENGINES!

...quickly scribble a 5 over the 2.

Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)19:26 No. 292870 ID: 3416ec
File 130171119603.png - (48.14KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_20.png )

>>292860
NICE TRY, but the ROCKET CAR is still set to the ICEWORLD.

*BOOM!* You ROCKET out of the CASTLE with your TRADEMARK THUMBS-UP FLAG raised o'er the RAMPARTS.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE CLEARED WORLD 1!
ENEMIES DEFEATED: 2/2
BOSSES DEFEATED: 1/1
SHINEYS OBTAINED: 15/15
RANK: ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS

Quit while you're ahead

what? no. keep going and save the girl.

END! Anon44!3UzRml1aAA 2011/04/01(Fri)19:57 No. 292894 ID: 3416ec
File 130171304597.png - (54.38KB , 800x600 , super_jumping_guy_21.png )

NOPE, you SAVE your GAME and QUIT, because you have to get back to UPDATING JUNE QUEST.

Perhaps we will REVISIT this VIDEO GAME some OTHER TIME.

PERHAPS!