1/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/20(Sun)18:37 No. 1070472 ID: 15a025
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>Take critter's weapon.
>Loot the body, time-honored tradition.
>Take their weapon. All part of the plan.
Finders Keepers as they say! I toss the empty gun aside and pick up the enemies rifle instead. Scope and all!

>Also the enemy does not necessarily realize you’re outta ammo. Demand a surrender while you have them flanked. Or a duel.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a glove to issue a duel with. I check to make sure this rifle has ammo in it. Looks like I’ve got six shots here.

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/20(Sun)18:38 No. 1070473 ID: 15a025
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I march forward to flank the enemy. Up ahead I spy two gunners fira’n away at the rabbits. Something odd lookin about these squirrels though, I don’t member seeing any big and tall like this? Both seem to be taking cover behind a bush to stay hidden.

Can’t say for sure how far away they are, but I can only really see’em with the scope. How am I picking these two off? Or should I avoid confrontation?

Inventory check:
Rifle with scope (six bullets)
Plush bunny with helmet
Lucky Earring.

Just blastem. What are you waiting for?

Those ears, that snouty silhouette... are those wolves out there?! What's their darn cauliflower in all this?

And who confuses wolves for squirrels?!

Bah, give them some shot in the rear - by which I mean ass. Send them howling!

>>1070473
One of them is looking at front i'd say you're safe from that one
The other one looks like they're looking at you; but their rifle is still pointing forwards; i'd say first take that one
I think it'd alert your presence so take cover right after, trenches are trenchy for a reason

Don't be a jingoist. Hold them up, but confirm they're with the enemy before you open fire. They might be neutral in all this!

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/23(Wed)16:09 No. 1070629 ID: 15a025
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>Don't be a jingoist. Hold them up, but confirm they're with the enemy before you open fire. They might be neutral in all this!
I don’t exactly take too kindly to strangers firing their guns at my farmland. They might be neutral in whatever this conflict is, but they’re certainly being a hostile to my land.

Hm… though, they don’t know who’s side I’m on.

>One of them is looking at front i'd say you're safe from that one
The other one looks like they're looking at you; but their rifle is still pointing forwards; i'd say first take that one I think it'd alert your presence so take cover right after, trenches are trenchy for a reason
>Bah, give them some shot in the rear - by which I mean ass. Send them howling!
I fire a shot at the one to my right, with the goal of shooting to disarm. I drop back behind cover before the other can turn and spot me. I can hear one of them yip and yowl in pain.
“Drop your weapons and put your paws up now!”

Soldier?: “What the hell, an ambush!?”

“I said drop your weapons now!”

I hear a loud clunk, followed by a gun shot, and then followed by more yowling.

Soldier?: “Ah shit.”

Wounded Soldier: ”Augh you screw up!”

Is everyone around here incompetent with firearms or something?

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/23(Wed)16:11 No. 1070631 ID: 15a025
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I emerge from the bush, gun pointed at the one on the left.
Soldier: “Wait, you’re not a rabbit?”

“No, and you don’t exactly look like squirrels to me. I’m the owner of the farm you’re blasting to bits! What in the blazes do you think you’re doing?”

Soldier: “Don’t be getting hoofy with us ma’am. Look, you got a problem, take it up with the captain.”

I raise the rifle and start to aim at him.

Soldier: “H-hey! That’s one of our rifles! Who’s side are you even on here?!”

Your side, if you'll stop blasting my farm. Where's your captain?

-"That’s one of our rifles!"
You picked up that rifle from an enemy... that can't be good
but they're still not squirrels clearly; so they could be mercs. either way they seem to not know on what side are you, try to convince them you are on their side

>>1070631
Tell him to take you to the captain.

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/08/27(Sun)12:01 No. 1071006 ID: 15a025
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>Your side, if you'll stop blasting my farm. Where's your captain?
>You picked up that rifle from an enemy... that can't be good but they're still not squirrels clearly; so they could be mercs. either way they seem to not know on what side are you, try to convince them you are on their side
“You can count me on your side if it’ll get you to stop blasting my farm! How am I supposed to get any gardening done with you lot shooting holes in everything!”

Soldier: "I-"

“I don’t care what your directives are, or whatever. Just take me to whoever your captain is.”
Soldier: “We- we can’t just abandon our post! We’ll get charged with desertion!”
Wounded Soldier: “Augh! Take me to sick bay so I can get my leg bandaged and just bring her with.”

Soldier: “I guess that could work.”

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/08/27(Sun)12:02 No. 1071007 ID: 15a025
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They wrap some cloth over the wounded guys leg and I help him limp back to their little camp.
From there, I’m taken over to quite the intimidating looking fox. She’s quite the toothy smirk.

Fox Captain?: “Private! What are you doing leaving your post and bringing civilians into my tent!”

Soldier: “Captain! This is no ordinary civilian! This deer snuck behind our lines with a rifle!”

Fox Captain: "Ah! So the rabbits have hired mercenaries of their own-"

“Look, I don’t know or care about whatever in blazes is going on here. I want you and your troops off my farm and to quit blasting my crops to bits!”

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/08/27(Sun)12:02 No. 1071008 ID: 15a025
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Fox Captain: “And what are you going to do about it deery? The squirrels have paid us greatly to wipe out the rest of those gluttonous rabbits. What could you possibly offer to get us to pack up and leave?”

>And what are you going to do about it deery?

I have two options that I'll need some others to back either up for me.

1. [Join the Fox Captain] give away the positions of their enemies. You helped strategize their defenses so why not?

2. [Fight for the Bunelope!] borrow a glove from one of the soldiers. Then slap her with it for a duel. You win? She leaves.

It occurs to me that we have little reason to be loyal to the rabbits.

Re-examine your motivations here. Who do you like least in this conflict? Maybe you should ask these mercs how the war started. Why are the squirrels and rabbits fighting?

>>1071128
This. Why are they even fighting.

So they are mercs!, soldiers of fortune, the authority they serve is whoever pays the most
I think it'd be almost impossible to simply convince them to change sides unless you pay them off.
Explain how you where dragged into this conflict unwillingly
And i agree it's a good time to ask questions about this war

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/30(Wed)17:00 No. 1071319 ID: 15a025
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>Explain how you where dragged into this conflict unwillingly
“Listen here, first those filthy varmints were stealing my crops and I had to defend my own land against them. Then they worked out a deal with me to fix up the damages they caused! Now it’s moonlight and I’m back to getting shot at over some war I ain’t even involved in! I’m just about at my wits end here!”

>Re-examine your motivations here. Who do you like least in this conflict? Maybe you should ask these mercs how the war started. Why are the squirrels and rabbits fighting?
>This. Why are they even fighting.
>i agree it's a good time to ask questions about this war
“So if I’m getting dragged into this, I want to know what in the world this is all about!”

Fox Captain: “Well aren’t you the feisty little farmer. Normally I’d have pests like you blasted by now, but you seem surprisingly capable for a nonmilitant. I suppose I can spare a moment to fill you in, deery.”

She clears her throat.

Fox Captain: “Approximately three weeks ago, the gluttonous rabbits launched an invasion on the squirrel’s territory for land. The rabbits thought they could get away with chopping down trees to expand their farmlands, but the squirrels weren’t having it! Alas, their little territory dispute was too evenly matched. Thus where we come into play. We’re paid very generously for any platoon or squad of rabbits we can wipe out. For such example, the pests on your property.”

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/30(Wed)17:01 No. 1071320 ID: 15a025
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She grins at you.
Fox Captain: “Why, you should be thanking us for the pest control, deery. What’s a few bullet holes in some dilapidated shed or a few damaged crops to you anyway? Better than feeding and harboring a band of enemies to a mercenary group of carnivores, isn’t it?”

Well, I guess I've got two options here at least,

>>1071122
> 1. [Join the Fox Captain] give away the positions of their enemies. You helped strategize their defenses so why not?
>2. [Fight for the Bunelope!] borrow a glove from one of the soldiers. Then slap her with it for a duel. You win? She leaves.

What's it going to be?

It's TIME to D-D-D-D-D-EER

2

>>1071320
1. Time for the rabbits to buy the farm.

Can we just be on neither side and just fight to get all these assholes off our property?

You'll give them... one... turnip if they work for you, instead of the squirrels.

>>1071393
>>1071326
Ooh, got an idea on how to reconcile these.

Let's challenge the fox captain for ruleship of the company, then we will lead the army to drive the varmints off our property OUR way!

Offer to buy their services to drive both parties off your land and into ceasefire terms.

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/26(Tue)18:03 No. 1073328 ID: 15a025
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>You'll give them... one... turnip if they work for you, instead of the squirrels.
“I’ll pay you one turnip to join my side.”

Fox Captain: “One turnip? Look I know they’re expensive but one ain’t even close to enough.”

>challenge the fox captain for ruleship of the company, then we will lead the army to drive the varmints off our property OUR way!
“Any of you got a glove?”

One of the foxes gives me a glove, then I slap the fox captain and issue a duel.

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/26(Tue)18:04 No. 1073329 ID: 15a025
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Fox Captain: “Haha! Are you serious farmer? You’re going to duel me?”

Fox Captain: “Alright, a duel it is. Here’s my terrrrrrr Hmm…

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/26(Tue)18:04 No. 1073330 ID: 15a025
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Fox Captain: ”Can’t kill her, the farm would be a good food source…

Fox Captain: “Alright! A simple game if you will. Capture the flag!”

Soldier: “Captain, don’t you have better-“

Fox Captain: “And if I win, I get your farm!”

“What!”

Fox Captain: “I don’t care what you want if you win, because it’ll never happen anyway. Sound good?”

Tell her nice try but no dice! I think She's trying to waste your time with a diversion.

Bet the farm? The thing your very own deer self has toiled and moaned and spent years and years keeping tip top and running and productive against all kindsa varmints and invadements?! The sunk costs alone could sink her army!

Sure, why not.

You can always sign up as a soldier if you're so bested. Seeing as you seem to have some kinda weird talent in that direction and you hear successful soldiers tend to be awarded with a piece of land.

What are the rules? When do we start?

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/30(Sat)22:13 No. 1073689 ID: 15a025
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>What are the rules? When do we start?
Fox Captain: “I suppose I should have clarified it better. Seeing as you’re some lone farmer with no team to help protect your flag…”

Fox Captain: “You just simply have to take it from me.”

“That almost sounds too simple? If I just have to take the flag from you, what’s the condition of my defeat?”

Fox Captain: “Oh I don’t plan on going down without a fight. If you’re unable to get back up or lose consciousness, I win.”

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/30(Sat)22:13 No. 1073690 ID: 15a025
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Fox Captain: “Also, surrenders will be ignored.”

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/30(Sat)22:13 No. 1073691 ID: 15a025
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She proceeds to place a small flag on a stick in her mouth.

Fox Captain: “Think you can take it deery?”

She proceeds to bite down on it and takes a stance.

Do you accept the terms of the duel?

Accept... and then striptease.

Sure.

Then shoot her in the leg.

"Alright."
Sock her in the snout.
Then do it again.

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/10/01(Sun)17:59 No. 1073777 ID: 15a025
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>Sure. Then shoot her in the leg.
Well, she didn’t say I couldn’t use my gun.

So I blast her in the leg!

Fox Captain: “Augh! You-you rotten farmer! What’d you do that for!”

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/10/01(Sun)18:00 No. 1073778 ID: 15a025
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I pick up the flag and declare my victory. Now comes the question of do I want them to scram or do I take over as their new captain, and use them to drive off those other pests?

We’ve solved on problem. Let’s use it to solve another.

Look at me. I’m the captain now.

>>1073778
Well, I still think we should get rid of the rabbits, but now that we're in charge we can do it in a way that doesn't add more bullet holes to the farm.

You can come back pretending to be victorious with whatever evidence would be most convincing, and thus lure the rabbits into a false sense of security. Eventually you can signal the soldiers to sneak in and take them out quiet-like. Or lure the rabbits away from your farm somehow but I'm not sure how.

Convert the defeated captain Shadow of Mordor style so she and her troops obey you unconditionally.
Just press Y on your gamepad.

1/6 Buckwheat 2023/10/08(Sun)16:14 No. 1074335 ID: 15a025
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>We’ve solved on problem. Let’s use it to solve another.
>Look at me. I’m the captain now.
>Convert the defeated captain Shadow of Mordor style so she and her troops obey you unconditionally.
“One problem down, one to go. As winner of this duel I declare myself the new captain.”

Ex-fox Captain: “What!”

“You heard me. I’m taking over this mission. We’re doing it my way now, and my way involves my farm not getting blasted to bits. All troops! Gather around!”

>You can come back pretending to be victorious with whatever evidence would be most convincing, and thus lure the rabbits into a false sense of security. Eventually you can signal the soldiers to sneak in and take them out quiet-like.

I explain the plan to my new army of mercenaries. I get many nods of agreement.

2/6 Buckwheat 2023/10/08(Sun)16:14 No. 1074336 ID: 15a025
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I arrive back at the farm and declare my victory to Grande Marshall Bunelope.

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “We’re sure lucky to have you on our side, farmer. We’re entirely out of ammo and resources at this point. We couldn’t have done it without you!”

3/6 Buckwheat 2023/10/08(Sun)16:14 No. 1074337 ID: 15a025
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I look around at the bullet holes and damaged buildings. Crops either half eaten or squashed. Anger and bottomless despair fills my thoughts with this sight for sore eyes.

4/6 Buckwheat 2023/10/08(Sun)16:15 No. 1074338 ID: 15a025
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Grande Marshall Bunelope: “W-what’s with that look?”

5/6 Buckwheat 2023/10/08(Sun)16:15 No. 1074339 ID: 15a025
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“Find your salvation elsewhere, Grande Marshall. We are done here.”

I give the signal and the mercenaries open fire on the rabbits.

6/6 Buckwheat 2023/10/08(Sun)16:16 No. 1074340 ID: 15a025
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Gardening in the first few weeks of spring never has been easy…

THE END!

Brutal!