[2/3] Worker 2020/09/09(Wed)20:58 No. 975979 ID: ce5cbd
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Did you need me for something, sir?

[3/3] Worker 2020/09/09(Wed)21:00 No. 975980 ID: ce5cbd
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"Hello worker, as you can see from the giant magi-tech space station currently shaking with arcane magic outside the Earth has approximately two days to live before half the solar system is blown up by a COSMIC ULTRA NUKE hidden in the space station.

Due to budget cuts I can't pay anyone with any power enough money to actually care so I'm sending you instead."

At least he isn't black out drunk today.

>_

"What's my budget?"

Ask if this is going on your annual employment review

Can I get a title bump instead of a pay raise at least?

Can I take the company car?

why can't YOU do it boss man

What's the mission, exactly? Steal the COSMIC ULTRA NUKE? Disarm it? Destroy it? Pilot the space station into an enemy solar system instead?

>>975992
Really if we do any of these, we can claim to have solved the problem.

Personally I say send it to another dimension, let Azathoth deal with it.

"Alright, beam me up and I'll see what I can do."

"Do I get hazard pay?"

[1/3] Worker 2020/09/10(Thu)20:14 No. 976046 ID: ce5cbd
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"Sir, am I just going into this mission with only my hopes and dreams or something? Can't I at least get the company car? What am I supposed to do with the COSMIC ULTRA NUKE anyway?"

"The 'company car' is a scooter that had its engine sold at a loss. What happens to the COSMIC ULTRA NUKE doesn't matter, just make sure we're still alive after a couple days. Also, don't worry, I have some of the best equipment we could afford."

[2/3] Worker 2020/09/10(Thu)20:16 No. 976048 ID: ce5cbd
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He takes out a wooden stick covered in grease and filth. Wait, that's a magic wand!

"I found it under the dumpster, I think it has some half decent mana storage and regeneration. Hope you know spells, worker."

TRASH STICK
Mana Storage - 1 [Number of times you can cast a spell per encounter. Recharges after an encounter, and is unlimited outside encounters.]
Special - Any mage that actually sees you use this is gonna think a lot less of you than normal.

The only spell I know is Thermus, which can raise or lower an object's temperature by 100 K. I tried using it at a kid's birthday once. He probably won't miss his dad too bad. In a fight however, I'll need a moment of unbroken focus to apply it to a living being, and unless they aren't aware of me they'll figure out what I'm doing immediately.

"Also, I have a magic weapon some blokes found in a lake for gods know how long."

A magic weapon? Man, those are rare!

[3/3] Worker 2020/09/10(Thu)20:16 No. 976049 ID: ce5cbd
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Oh.

"It was in a lake for like a thousand years, you gotta take what you can get."

SCRAPPY SWORD
[b]Special[\b] - Fuck you.

"Boss, if you have all this already why can't you do it?"

"Worker, if I worked I'd be a worker, not a boss."

"What do I get out of this anyway? Pay raise, title bump?"

"Nothing. Now with that out of the way do you have any other questions? If not then I'll send you off."

>>976049
Why hasn't the government sent some crack team of well equipped highly skilled heroes to do this?
Can you bring other people with you to help?

Realize at this point that the highest levels of the elite see the world as a video game, and they're sick of playing but want to maximize their score by sending a failed effort to save the world and blow it up even further.

Now ask for cheat codes and microtransactions. Get their nostalgia to slip them up with actual success.

If I have to walk to space, it's going to hurt our deadline.

Can't I have cabfare, or enough powder for the company cannon?

We're gonna need a really good place to do a ramp jump with that scooter if we're going to make it into orbit. Does Boss know any good half-piping locations?

Oh right ask if there's anyone who can repair the sword. Or upgrade your scooter so you can reach the space station.

>unlimited outside encounters
Hold on, is there any cooldown whatsoever on Thermus? If not, we can use it rapidfire to explode things or create superconductors. Also, what happens if you try lower an object below 0 Kelvin?

"Okay, so what you haven't answered is 'how I'm expected to get up there.' I don't have any teleportation or flight spells, myself."

[1/4] Worker 2020/09/18(Fri)22:01 No. 976685 ID: ce5cbd
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"Alright, so, how am I gonna get there?"

"You ask way too many goddamn questions worker. There's a few spots you can go to reach the space station."

[2/4] Worker 2020/09/18(Fri)22:01 No. 976686 ID: ce5cbd
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"The first option is to travel to the northern military installation and take the stairs directly into the space station. Normally it'd be defended and all, but ever since the military budget got slashed by 0.5% the soldiers just kinda gave up and most of them went AWOL, though there might be some stragglers.

"The other option, seeing as you can't seem to keep your eyes off the damn scooter, is to get a scooter flight upgrade from the mechanic downtown. He's kind of a massive dickhead and thinks I robbed him of his money so you're gonna have to find a way to convince him. I totally did, by the way, but that's besides the point."

"The last option, finally, is to petition the western wizarding tower for a teleport spell, though they're naturally gonna ask something of you. I heard the newest grandmaster is a bit more sinister than her predecessors, but her assets are to die fo- anyway."

"I'm kind of tired of you now, so I'll escort you out. Fuck off and try not to get killed, if you get back don't be surprised if you see a pink slip on your desk."

[3/4] Worker 2020/09/18(Fri)22:01 No. 976687 ID: ce5cbd
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I can't believe it, an adventure! It's like I'm in a storybook! All my life I dreamed of heading to new places and meeting new people, until I got a desk job that sapped my soul into oblivion.

[4/4] Worker 2020/09/18(Fri)22:01 No. 976688 ID: ce5cbd
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The only question is, where to?

>Military Base
>Wizard Tower
>Mechanic Shop
>Other_

Mechanic, enroute to the Military Base.

We need a running scooter, but we should also scavenge some explosives or whatnot at the base.

Scooter! Advantage is that it works for a return trip and doesn't require climbing a shitload of stairs.

>>976692
We could just stipulerte to the wizard that we’d like a return trip option as well, you know? Frankly I bet this is the fault of wizards in the first place so we might as well hit up the (best) western wizarding tower and ask if they know anything about it while we’re petitioning.

Or hope the space station containing the COSMIC ULTRA NUKE at least has a functional escape pod.

>>976689
tihs

[1/5] Worker 2020/10/04(Sun)19:56 No. 977921 ID: ce5cbd
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Aw right! Mechanics shop then the military base. Just gotta find the-

[2/5] Worker 2020/10/04(Sun)19:56 No. 977922 ID: ce5cbd
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Oh, right. Ah, well, it beats the stairs.

By the by, Thermus usually can be used constantly, but the gesture takes several seconds to perform, which is also stacked on top of the moment's concentration for organic things. It naturally can't drop things below 0 K. Additionally, it's less "heat" and more sudden temperature change. If you were to cast it on water at 25 C or so into 125 C the temperature will immediately drop to vaporize the liquid, if the liquid's too big it'll be stuck at 100 C with some steam flying around (enviromental conditions may change this). Similar effect goes on with "cooling" things. Funny how that works.

All spells either have a gesture or vocal aspect, and a mental aspect only found in spellbooks or teachers.

[3/5] Worker 2020/10/04(Sun)19:56 No. 977923 ID: ce5cbd
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Man, what a lovely day out! A great time to go stop the world from blowing up.

"Halt!"

Uh oh.

[4/5] Worker 2020/10/04(Sun)19:56 No. 977924 ID: ce5cbd
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A Mage Watcher.

"Oi bloke, you got a license for that wan-"

[5/5] Worker 2020/10/04(Sun)19:56 No. 977925 ID: ce5cbd
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"Eeuughh..."

I do not, as a matter of a fact. I should probably do something before I get arrested.

>_

Wand? Oh, no. This is just some shit my boss gave me. No, you want it? Here. License? What? Just take this stinky shit, I hate it, and I'm tired of the rash carrying it around is giving me. If I need a license to carry trash for my boss, I guess I'll be better off fired.

Try not to stare at her tits and get incredibly aroused

rolled 88 = 88

---

Roll to seduce. Toss a Loin to your Watcher.

>>977927
Backing

What, they want you to HAND IT OVER for INSPECTION, they said?

Move closer, threaten to give it to them. Watch them find something - anything - better to do.

If they actually decide to perform their duty, rather than avoid it like the plague they'd catch from touching this thing, admit you don't own it and that it was found in the trash.

Then ask if they, as an authority figure checking for unlicensed magical artifacts, aren't going to do something about the COSMIC ULTRA NUKE that's threatening to blow up the space station and half the solar system?

Don't worry, I'm only going to use it in space, where the law doesn't reach probably. Do you want to come along? I assume you have some interest in not dying in the next couple of days. Could use some help making that not happen.

Wand? This is just a stick I dug out of a dumpster. You got a license or ID that says you can inspect my dumpster stick? Are you even a real mage watcher?

[1/7] Worker 2020/11/07(Sat)15:53 No. 980556 ID: ce5cbd
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Judging by the Mage Watcher emblem on her cartoonishly large chest, it'd be a bad idea to question her authority.

"Don't worry, my boss gave it to me to borrow, just ask him! Technically, I AM going to be using it out in space anyway."

"Literally NEITHER of those things let you walk around with a wand without a magic license."

"Ah, well, alright Ms...?"

"Riede Shafthound."

...Yeah, sure.

[2/7] Worker 2020/11/07(Sat)15:53 No. 980557 ID: ce5cbd
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"OK PAL I was just asking you where your license was I don't need to hold it YET!"


"Aw come on, it just gives me a light rash! Besides, if I don't the world's gonna blow up!"

"...I'm sorry?"

"Yeah! See the space station? It's gonna blow up half the solar system!"

[4/7] Worker 2020/11/07(Sat)15:53 No. 980559 ID: ce5cbd
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"Huh, the USCR said it was just the decennial Cosmic Rave. Now that I think about it, it does seem strange that the Headmistress was complaining about it being postponed for another year or so."

...Alrighty then. Plan B.

[5/7] Worker 2020/11/07(Sat)15:53 No. 980560 ID: ce5cbd
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"How about you join me so I can prove to you that we really are in danger? Then maybe later we can go for McBonalds or something for dinner?"

[7/7] Worker 2020/11/07(Sat)15:53 No. 980562 ID: ce5cbd
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"I'm gonna pretend that that wasn't the world's shittiest attempt at asking someone out and say 'Fine, I'll hang around just to make sure you don't fuck around and that everything's going all right at the Station.' How are we getting there anyway? There's enough bureaucratic red tape that authorizing a teleportation spell onto the platform through the anti-magic field takes weeks if you're not the Headmistress or any other magical authority."

"I'm gonna fly there with a scooter."

"...What?"

>_

>>980562
Yeah you're gonna get rockets put on it or something and get some kind of protection to not die in space. Easy.

You heard what I said!

Flying scooters isn't really my department. I'm going to see an expert, now.

"The mega-corporation that took over the world intentionally fired all their non-predatory-business employees and now nobody in charge knows how to use trillions of dollars' worth of infrastructure and technology to save the world, so the corpos did the corporate thing and threw wage slaves at the problem. Hence my lack of funding.

Please help me I want to live to see myself in your bed tomorrow."

>>980562
Well, Watcher Shafthound, I managed to weasel out three ways of getting to the station from my drunkard of a boss. Attempting to cut the red tape at the wizarding tower would be one, but I'd probably get distracted by the Headmistress's enormous... power. The next best option is to take the stairs in a mostly abandoned military base, but I'm not that desperate, yet. So, that leaves me with convincing someone who rightfully hates my boss to upgrade the company scooter.
I'm in over my head, and although I want to live, I don't want to die with any regrets, so you may have to deal with some shitty one liners and more than a few passes at you.

[1/3] Worker 2020/12/31(Thu)20:45 No. 984596 ID: ce5cbd
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"Yeah, I didn't have have very many options, so I decided to spare my legs and just fly there."

"Wait, but what about oxy-"

[2/3] Worker 2020/12/31(Thu)20:45 No. 984597 ID: ce5cbd
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"Oh hey we're here!"

"Stars damn it."

[3/3] Worker 2020/12/31(Thu)20:45 No. 984598 ID: ce5cbd
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An old rusty bell chimes as we enter the lobby. A soft voice rings out from the back.

"I'll be there in juuuuuuuuuuust a sec~!"

Looking at the walls here, I am stricken by the possibility that I should have thought of a game plan before walking in here.

>_

>>984598
Ask your new buddy to be your face for this transaction.

>>984598
FIRST THINGS FIRST
"do you have any astronaut suits rated for low earth orbit? failing that, got any airtight helmets? also i want to make my scooter get to the space station, honestly not worried about getting back"

>>984601
In case you missed it, the posters are wanted posters for Worker's boss. We need some subtlety here.

[1/4] Worker 2021/01/02(Sat)19:51 No. 984676 ID: ce5cbd
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"Oh right so the owner of this shop has a blood feud against Boss and by extension the entirety of Company so you're gonna have to take over from here."

"Are you serious? Wh-"

"Uh oh, here he comes."

[2/4] Riede 2021/01/02(Sat)19:51 No. 984677 ID: ce5cbd
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Aaaaand out he goes. Fantastic.

"Hello there, how can I help you today~?"

[3/4] Riede 2021/01/02(Sat)19:51 No. 984678 ID: ce5cbd
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I almost mistook the scooter mechanic for a girl for a second. Honestly, he doesn't look half ba-.

Focus. Slim figure. Stained hands. Likely the only employee of the place based on how small this establishment is. He seems like a nice man, but the apparent fixation to... "Company"'s boss is concerning. Proceed with caution.

"Ah! A Mage Watcher. Officer, what can I help you with?"

"Uh, right, I need to get this scooter capable of space flight. Also, do you have any space suits with full oxygen supply we might be able to use?"

"Ah, yes, the Space Travel Suite~. Let me just-"

[4/4] Riede 2021/01/02(Sat)19:51 No. 984679 ID: ce5cbd
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"Wait a FUCKING second. This is a Company scooter. Miss Watcher, where, precisely, did you get this?"

Shit.

>_

"Found it in the dumpster, cleaned it up a little."

>>984679
You confiscated it pending an official investigation.
It's almost true!

"Boss now has one less scooter on his personal belongings. Can you fix it so I can fly up to his window and rub it in his unwashed face?"

Yup, definitely confiscated.

I think it's better to say "confiscated" than "stolen". As a Mage Watcher there is a image to preserve (and is less shady).

>>984698
this, with the stipulation we actually do it later

[1/3] Riede 2021/02/02(Tue)18:55 No. 986816 ID: 8d2ba7
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"Oh, well sir you may be delighted to hear that Company is currently under investigation for illegally distributing magical items to unlicensed users."

"R-really? Finally, the damn mutt is getting punished for something. But, why do you need his scooter?"

[2/3] Riede 2021/02/02(Tue)18:55 No. 986817 ID: 8d2ba7
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"As compensation for, uhhhhhhh, already confirmed crimes we've already seized a bunch of Company's assets as payment. This included."

"Hmmmm, alright. And why do you need the space travel suite?"

"So I can fly it up to his office and spit in his face." Whoever he is.

[3/3] Riede 2021/02/02(Tue)18:55 No. 986818 ID: 8d2ba7
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"That doesn't sound very pro-. You know what, yeah, he does deserve that!"

"Yeah! How soon can you get this scooter up and running? I'll need two space suits as well."

"I can get it ready within an hour. The two person space travel suite will be about 4000 Dobs!"

Aw fuck, that's like a month's salary.

>_

Well, it's for the sake of the world.
Pay it and then convince the other dude to pay you back. Or at least pay half of it back.

Go in debt by offering an IOU on behalf of the mage watchers

[1/5] Riede 2021/02/13(Sat)17:23 No. 987967 ID: 8d2ba7
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"Excuse me, I need to talk to a, uh, colleague for a second."

"Oh, certainly miss!"

[2/5] Riede 2021/02/13(Sat)17:23 No. 987968 ID: 8d2ba7
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"Oi, you."

"Yeah?"

"The hell's your name anyway?"

"Worker."

...Right.

[3/5] Riede 2021/02/13(Sat)17:23 No. 987969 ID: 8d2ba7
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"Ok Worker, I managed to secure a deal but we need 4000 Dobs. Think we could split it up 50/50 o-"

"Oh right, that! Problem is I don't have nearly as much as 2000 Dobs."

"What? Why?!"

"Pay cuts, I've only been getting paid 200 Dobs a month the past two years or so."

THAT'S SEVERAL TIMES BELOW THE POVERTY LI- you know what forget it.

[4/5] Riede 2021/02/13(Sat)17:23 No. 987970 ID: 8d2ba7
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"Ok, so I'm just gonna have to use credit."

If this all turns out to be a fib the Mistress is gonna lock me up in the "naughty dungeon".

Cosmic Kings help me.

"Splendid~! I'll have it out in an hour or so."

At least I'll get a chance to rest.

[5/5] Worker 2021/02/13(Sat)17:23 No. 987971 ID: 8d2ba7
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You know, I'm fairly certain space isn't supposed to open like that.

>_

>>987971
Stick your dick in it.

Watch in horror as your ex girlfriend pops out of the tear in space.

Observe trepidatiously.

Politely state to whoever comes out of it that you are on Company time and can't deal with tears un the fabric of reality right now.

>>988031
This; we can't do much else, and it would be best not to cause a scene while the bird still needs to think we're uninvolved.

[1/6] Worker 2021/02/20(Sat)11:42 No. 988618 ID: 8d2ba7
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"Uhh..."

[3/6] Worker 2021/02/20(Sat)11:42 No. 988620 ID: 8d2ba7
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"You. Are you the one trying to reach the space sta-"

[4/6] Worker 2021/02/20(Sat)11:42 No. 988621 ID: 8d2ba7
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"Look lady, I don't really have time to play around with weird gaps in space, I'm on Company time right now."

[6/6] Worker 2021/02/20(Sat)11:42 No. 988623 ID: 8d2ba7
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I think it's working!

>_

Looks like they trying to attack you from behind with portal nonsense. Luckily you are an OFFICE WORKER and as such has gained the survival skill of having an awareness to when your boss is watching you from behind when somebody is attacking you from behind.

Because our soul has be so thoroughly crushed by the daily grind and unpaid overtime we have the natural ability to expertly dodge any work that isn't explicitly in our job description. Refer her to customer service in case she has more questions.

>>988623
You should answer her question. She's trying to attack you anyway.

Grab the not-sharp edge of the sword and yank.

"Ma'am, do I need to report you to human resources?"

"Ma'am, I need to prevent the world from exploding, please let me di my job."

[1/4] Worker 2021/03/14(Sun)21:54 No. 991368 ID: 8d2ba7
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Oooooook lets cool it with the work jokes, believe it or not my job isn't 100% of my life.

Only 99% of it.

[2/4] Worker 2021/03/14(Sun)21:54 No. 991369 ID: 8d2ba7
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Yoink.

[3/4] Worker 2021/03/14(Sun)21:54 No. 991370 ID: 8d2ba7
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"Alright lady, yes. I have a Boss given duty to get to that space station and prevent it from blowing up."

"Then you're in our way. Now..."

[4/4] Worker 2021/03/14(Sun)21:54 No. 991371 ID: 8d2ba7
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"Why? Who set you up for this? Surrender and talk and you just might survive."

>_

>>991371
It's got a COSMIC ULTRA NUKE inside it. I'm guessing you don't know about that. If it blows, half the solar system goes along with it.
Why do you want to blow it up?

So you're saying you want the solar system to blow up? AND you're going around stopping anyone who would make it so the solar system didn't blow up? That's cold dude.

"I just said; boss said to. And I'd have thunk 'stop half the solar system from exploding so that we don't all die' would have been pretty self-evident."

"Are you aware there's a COSMIC ULTRA NUKE on that station? Because that'd be pretty embarrassing if you were just trying to blow up the station and accidentally erased half the solar system."

[1/2] Worker 2021/05/17(Mon)21:31 No. 1000714 ID: f0ab12
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"My boss who works at Company told me to."

"...Company? What company?"

"Company."

"...What?"

"...So, uh, you do know that it's gonna destroy most of the solar system, right?"

"...Yes? Of course I do, you fucking buffoon. Why else would we be doing it?"

"Then..."

[2/2] Worker 2021/05/17(Mon)21:31 No. 1000715 ID: f0ab12
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"...Why?"

"OUR WAYS ARE BEYOND YOU! Now stand still and disappear!"

Now THAT'S what I call a wand!

...Oh shit, she's probably gonna cast something.

>_

>>1000715
She's telling you to stand still so obviously you should dodge.
Don't let go of the sword though, steal it. Use it against her.

stick your other hand into her mouth and pull her tongue so she cant verbally cast a spell. And then press yourself right up against her wand so she can't use it via gesture.

Punch her in the face, obviously.

Again with the "our plan is too complex for you to comprehend" cliché. Why don't you try for a change?

I bet you just said that because none of you could think of a motive.

"You don't actually know, do you?"

Snatch the wand out of her hand, duh.

If she doubles down on the "incomprehensibility" of their reasons, fire back with: "I mean, you seem to comprehend it fine enough, so it can't be that hard to wrap my head around. C'mon, let's hear it. Use your words."

>>1000715
"So you're ending the solar system for reasons you weren't told, likely for the profit of some bumbling old impotent?

Shit man you sure you're not working for the company too because that has their M.O. all over it."