Buckwheat 2023/02/07(Tue)19:33 No. 1055460 ID: 15a025
File 167582723214.png - (61.35KB , 500x500 , 1.png )

Secretary: "Alright listen up. I am under very strict orders to keep this file on my person at all times. I am to under no circumstances let anyone access its contents."

Secretary: "However, due to my strong work ethic I tend to lose focus on...small, menial tasks. Therefore, as my assistant. I need you help remind me not to file this away. Not to open it. And most importantly, make sure it does not leave my desk!"

Secretary: "Do you understand me!"

Buckwheat 2023/02/07(Tue)19:34 No. 1055461 ID: 15a025
File 167582724716.png - (62.46KB , 500x500 , 2.png )

*Loud keyboard noises*

So what is it you do here?

"Uhm... mam... please don't forget to not forget about that file and what not to do with it."

Yes ma'am!

Sh, no talky people, she's gotta concentrate on her work.

Your desk is messy, you should clean it up.

You should put a paperweight on the folder so that it doesn't get blown away by a stray gust of wind.

Put file under pen cup to stop her from grabbing it.

So what do we do here again?

Can you really call an unfiled file a file?

Yes ma'am!

Take pride in your position as assistant to the employee of the month.

Go get coffee.

Literally tape file to desk.
Problem solved.

>>1055515
Only if the secretary notices the slight tug of resistance as she picks up the file.

But the noise of it should alert us and then we can remind her that in this one case for this one file her well-honed reflexes and rigorous work ethic is bad and wrong.

>>1055515
Yeah, honestly, taking measures to add steps to the process of filing this file is the best preventative measure we can take to ensure she has enough time to notice (and for us to have enough time to react) if she goes for it.

Maybe tape is a bit extreme, though; or at least, it has a chance of damaging the file if she tugs at it. There are safer ways to ensure that, such as...

"Hey, maybe we should clamp a corner or two of the file under some stuff, just so there's extra steps if you or someone else gets the urge to pick it up? Like, say, wedging it partway under your computer?"

if you dont wnat anybody to access the contents, just eat it.

Seduce the secretary

She will be so entranced by your wiles, she will never think of wrongfully filling the file.

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/02/08(Wed)17:42 No. 1055582 ID: 15a025
File 167590694622.png - (62.46KB , 500x500 , 3.png )

>Literally tape file to desk.
>taking measures to add steps to the process of filing this file is the best preventative measure we can take to ensure she has enough time to notice
Secretary: "Not happening. Do you realize how unprofessional it'd look if I had a file taped onto my desk."

>You should put a paperweight on the folder so that it doesn't get blown away by a stray gust of wind.
>Put file under pen cup to stop her from grabbing it.
Without even looking, she places the cup of pens on the folder. Then she gets back to quickly typing.

>So what is it you do here?
>So what do we do here again?
Secretary: "Just about everything. File papers, write up reports, do our taxes, answer phone calls, just about anything I can do for the company. Including not filing this folder away."

>Your desk is messy, you should clean it up.
Secretary: "Hm, I suppose it is a little cluttered. Would you be a dear and fetch me some morning coffee while I clear it off?"

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/02/08(Wed)17:42 No. 1055583 ID: 15a025
File 167590695938.png - (15.96KB , 500x500 , 4.png )

You walk over to the corner acquire a cup of hot coffee.

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/02/08(Wed)17:43 No. 1055584 ID: 15a025
File 167590701433.png - (57.67KB , 500x500 , 5.png )

Secretary: "Just set down somewhere on my desk, I need to finish typing up this email real quick."

She continues to type pretty loudly.

huh, so where did you put everything on your desk?

>>1055584
You fool! Where did you put that file that you weren't supposed to touch?!

"Um, where's the file? Where's the pen-cup, for that matter!" Glance around! They couldn't have gone far! "We literally turned around for five seconds!"

We had one job. ONE... JOB!
yeah, where is it?

Grab her by the shoulders and shake her, yell "WHERE'S THE FILE!?!?!"

Here's your coffee, and remember not to file anything!

Ask her if she is sitting on the file.

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/02/09(Thu)18:29 No. 1055661 ID: 15a025
File 167599615456.png - (62.21KB , 500x500 , 6.png )

>huh, so where did you put everything on your desk?
>"Um, where's the file? Where's the pen-cup, for that matter!"
Secretary: "Just- just one more second...and...send."

Secretary: "What was that now? I thought you asked me to clean off my desk."

>You fool! Where did you put that file that you weren't supposed to touch?!
Secretary: "Oh right. I just shoved it in my desk for a moment."

She sets it back on the desk, and places a cup full of suckers on top it.

Secretary: "There, back in sight. Now, my coffee please."

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/02/09(Thu)18:29 No. 1055662 ID: 15a025
File 167599618793.png - (62.09KB , 500x500 , 7.png )

You hand her the cup of coffee, and ask how that doesn't count as filing the folder away?

Secretary: "No my dear. Filing it away would be putting it in the archives. As long as it stays with me, we're in the clear."

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/02/09(Thu)18:30 No. 1055663 ID: 15a025
File 167599620858.png - (62.15KB , 500x500 , 8.png )

Suddenly someone comes in and drops a big pile of folders on her desk.

Office Worker: "Hey, we're clearing out the archives. I need you to shred all these folders on your desk."

"Maybe start by putting the file back in your desk before you start shredding all that."

Remember, don't file anything! It all has to go in the shredder. Not in a drawer under your desk.

Oh great. We'll shred these, you physically hold on to your Do Not File until we're done... *urk* carrying... *hup* these out!

Grab the file, which is now at the bottom of the pile, and ask if it wouldn't be funny if...

if the file did a little song.
"Ah do do do, a file." You know? Like an educational show.

As long as you leave the file under the pen holder alone, theres no chance you'll shred it. That said, leave the file under the pen basket alone.

Yesh, is someone from the top coming down to look at the offices or something and the local bosses are trying to tidy up to try and look better then they actually are?

Well at least the special file is still in under the pen holder cup

>>1055663
Don't shred the file under the cup.

Back to work for us all then. Start shredding while only slightly reading whats in the to be destroyed files.

>>1055683
She's actively drinking from the cup, so she might move it and then forget.

Moving the file to a different area of the desk, away from the stack, where you can keep an eye on it, is probably the smart move.

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/02/13(Mon)16:55 No. 1055962 ID: 15a025
File 167633612836.png - (62.07KB , 500x500 , 9.png )

>As long as you leave the file under the pen holder alone, theres no chance you'll shred it. That said, leave the file under the pen basket alone.
Secretary: "Right. It is absolutely not to leave my desk."

>Yesh, is someone from the top coming down to look at the offices or something and the local bosses are trying to tidy up to try and look better than they actually are?
Off screen office worker: "No no no. No. No of course not. See these are just old files for uh...clients or projects we no longer deal with. Certainly not any info that would make us look bad if it were seen or got out."

>Oh great. We'll shred these, you physically hold on to your Do Not File until we're done... *urk* carrying... *hup* these out!

Secretary: "Good! Thank you. While you shred those, I'll be sure to keep an eye on this file while you're gone."

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/02/13(Mon)16:56 No. 1055963 ID: 15a025
File 167633616525.png - (12.86KB , 500x500 , 10.png )

You grunt and huff as you haul the heavy stack of folders, and make your way to the shredder. The room is dim and empty. Guess you're the first person to use this thing today?

>Back to work for us all then. Start shredding while only slightly reading whats in the to be destroyed files.
You start throwing folders into the shredder, while taking a quick peek at the labels. Most of them are just names of clients, or labeled "Client Order Forms", followed with a date.

Shuffled into the mix though, are some oddly labeled folders. "Funny cat pictures", "Newspaper comics", and even "Daily Crosswords."

Do you dare take a peek inside a folder?

Well... nothing is stamped confidential. And even the best shredders take a while. Glance through the folders while the other folders are shredding, make sure there aren't any staples or paper clips or those clippy thingies that are beyond the capacity of that particular shredder to handle.

>>1055963
Sure. Let's see those funny cat pictures.

peek real quick and see if anything catches your eye, then start shredding. also take small brakes to check in on the secretary to make sure she doesn't file the file before heading back to shred more papers.

Yeah, check them out. Just make sure you don't read any Heathcliff. He's bad news.

Wait, double check and make sure its not the file we are not supposed to file before you take a peek. Triple check even.

Take the remaining stack and pop back into the office to make sure she hasn't filed the file, before you do anything else. Then head back to the shredder room and peek the weird files before shredding them. Then return.

Ooh, more Sudoku puzzles for my collection!

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/02/15(Wed)18:36 No. 1056239 ID: 15a025
File 167651501991.png - (37.83KB , 500x500 , 11.png )

>Sure. Let's see those funny cat pictures.
>Yeah, check them out. Just make sure you don't read any Heathcliff. He's bad news.
You're probably safe from seeing Heathcliff in this folder, since it's labeled Funny cats. You open it up, and flip through the pictures. They're all pictures of cats wearing a ham helmet, with the caption, "He's waiting for Ham Day."

At the end of the folder is a note,
"To whoever keeps wasting space and folders in the archives on these nonsensical pictures. When I find you, I will personally eject you out into the recycling bin."

Yeesh. Guess it won't be Ham Day anytime soon.
Ah well, back to shredding.

You toss more files into the shredder, making sure to check that none of them are the Do Not File folder. Some of the other files you see are just labeled "Office Supplies", "Employees of the Month." Nothing really notable.

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/02/15(Wed)18:37 No. 1056240 ID: 15a025
File 167651503422.png - (19.43KB , 500x500 , 12.png )

You hop back into the secretary's office once you're done.

Secretary: "Ah. I see you've finished shredding. I'm in a little bit of a pickle myself though. I can't check my emails, and the phone seems to be down. You wouldn't happen to be one of those computer experts would you? Or maybe you could track down one those computer guys to help me out?

...
*Takes off LotusVR headset*

Where did the pen basket go? Was supposed to be on the do not file folder.

Anyways, our main job is to make sure you dont file that folder, and we cant do that job if we go on fetch quests. Maybe we should stay and help you figure out this computer problem so we can also keep an eye on that folder

Wait, i think those things we shredded were stuff that kept things running, like the employee of the month folder we shredded made that pic in the background a broken image, and that office supplies folder made the pen basket vanish.

What happened to the employee of the month picture?

Wait a minute! Some of the files you are shredding are impacting your local reality!

OH MY GOD YOU ARE IN THE MATRIX AND YOU ARE DELETING FILES RELEVANT TO YOUR CURRENT INSTANCE SPACE IN THAT SHREDDER!!

For all we know, they probably accidentally had us shred the folders that made the phones and computer work. If thats the case, the higher ups should realize something is wrong and fix it soon enough, and the problem should resolve itself. Take a little rest until things fix itself.

Tell her that you are totally one of those computer guys and start looking at her computer. See if she has been looking into any nsfw sites in her history...yknow to see if thats why everything went down.

Wait, were we shredding actual computer files?! How cheap is this place if it won’t get proper servers and just uses paper files for everything? People haven’t done that since the end of the Second World War!

>>1056243

Agreed! Make movements as if you are taking off VR headsets or unplugging/unhooking things attached to your head, eyes, or neck!!

Sure you do a little bit of "Computer Science", you are something of a "tech genius"

Tell her to stand aside while you run the windows connection troubleshooter

someone is trolling us, or we're being filmed on live tv for a prank show

>>1056240
Have you tried turning it off and on again?

>>1056262
Uh... I think it's a little more serious than that. I... I think those were digital files. Something behind the desk is... it's failing to load.

Maybe point at that and gawk silently until she turns around and notices the absolute reality-break happening behind her.

>>1056283

Oh, good one. Say loudly, "I do not consent to be recorded or for my reactions or behavior to be posted online or otherwise shared."

>>1056252
>>1056432

Here's some more if you are in some kind of vat in virtual reality or are a computer program or are a brain in a jar or something.

"Status. Menu. Options. I want to wake up now. End Scene. End Program. End Simulation. Command: Emergency Exit. Alright guys, ha-ha, you win, let me out now. Administrator Escalation. I revoke any previously granted permission or consent to modify or suppress my memory or perceptions of reality. Command Line: Help. Tilde. Safeword. Banana. Red Light. There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home."

That's probably just a digital image display. Network's down, so it can't display her photo.

>>1056442

She can check if it's a digital image display. Also, shouldn't it have a wire/plug?

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/02/20(Mon)17:40 No. 1056608 ID: 15a025
File 167694363218.png - (19.27KB , 500x500 , 13.png )

>Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Secretary: "Huh, well it's worth a shot."

The computer makes a loud click, and the fans start to shut up. Then another click, and the fans start revving up again.

Secretary: "Nah, still no emails. Any other ideas?"
>Status. Menu. Options. I want to wake up now. End Scene. End Program.
>Make movements as if you are taking off VR headsets or unplugging/unhooking things attached to your head, eyes, or neck!!
Secretary: "You think we have the budget for voice controlled computers? Do those even exist? You're kinda losing me here."

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/02/20(Mon)17:41 No. 1056609 ID: 15a025
File 167694366814.png - (13.45KB , 500x500 , 14.png )

> point at that and gawk silently until she turns around and notices the absolute reality-break happening behind her.
> What happened to the employee of the month picture?
Secretary: "What are you point- oh my stars!"

Secretary: "Someone took my employee of the month photo!"

Secretary: "No...oh no... what if, I'm being replaced! What if I'm not going to be employee of the month next month!"

>Where did the pen basket go? Was supposed to be on the do not file folder.
Secretary: "They're even taking my supplies!"

Secretary: "Wait a second, nobody came into my office though. They couldn't have just vanished, could they?"

>i think those things we shredded were stuff that kept things running
Secretary: "What do you mean by that? You didn't stick some cable or something into the shredder did you?"

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/02/20(Mon)17:41 No. 1056610 ID: 15a025
File 167694368705.png - (15.97KB , 500x500 , 15.png )

There's a knock on the door, and a badger comes in.

Office Badger: "Uh hey. This is kinda embarrassing, but you wouldn't happen to have a pen would you? I'm just about to seal the deal on a massive client contract here, but I can't find anything to write with!"

Secretary: "Oh, that's quite a pickle. Assistant! Could you either help him find a pen, or watch that file and get the computer back up while I go look around?"

Use badger with shredder.

Okay nows our chance. Clearly there is something seriously spooky related to these files. Tell her you'll fix the computer then take the Do Not File file and look at it, we must learn its secrets. They could have the answers we need!

Ah. Recycling bin, missing image after "shredding" files, "space in folders"... we're in a computer.
Don't look at the Do Not file. It's probably a virus. Though I guess it could be some kind of meta thing?

Let's find that pen. Maybe it fell on the floor? Meanwhile ask who the big contract is with.

Opt to watch the file and try to fix the computer. Let her look for the pen. Suggest you saw it over there on the floor so that she has to bend over...yknow so you can't look up her short skirt while she does.

See if there is a printer, and if there is, print a paper with pens written on it. Try at least a brand of pen, color, and quantity just in case it's specific

Staying and watching the file and trying to fix the computer is my choice, that's like, our main job, to watch the file.

but whatever we do, let's tell her to talk with the person who gave her all those files to thread earlier, or find them ourself if we're not going to stay and watch the file.

Buckwheat 2023/03/01(Wed)17:06 No. 1057154 ID: 15a025
File 167771920566.png - (152.33KB , 500x500 , 16.png )

>Opt to watch the file and try to fix the computer.
>Staying and watching the file and trying to fix the computer is my choice, that's like, our main job, to watch the file.

Secretary: "Alright nerd! Time to show off those skills then. I'm entrusting a lot of responsibility on you. And my reputation as employee of the month. Pleeeeaaase don't let me down!"

>tell her to talk with the person who gave her all those files to shred earlier.
Secretary: "Trying to tell me how to do my job now huh? I'd remind you who's employee of the month, but I think you get the point."

She pauses for a moment,
Secretary: "Oh alright, I guess I'll say something if I run into them."

You hop on the computer chair and slowly start to realize. You don't really recognize this operating system. Or who this uh... "Flint" is.

>>1057154
Check recycle bin and New Folder. Try and find an antivirus, that New Application is sus as hell.
Don't open the do not open.

>>1057154

Determine on a SAFE file what brings up a menu for detailed properties when you click on something. Command Click, Right Click, Alt click, whatever. Determine what information you can get from those menus, maybe a properties or a details option. Then do that with the do not open bit. Is it a web link? A folder? A link to an executable file of some sort? Is there an option to browse the directory where it goes?

Alright NOW we should go on the internet and see what nsfw sites she's been on.

For starters, reproduce the error: Double-click inbox and see what goes wrong.

Forget the repair job. Play some solitaire

>>1057228
Indeed!

>>1057156
this then
>>1057217
this

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/03/06(Mon)18:11 No. 1057700 ID: 15a025
File 167815506347.png - (118.82KB , 500x500 , 17.png )

>Determine on a SAFE file what brings up a menu for detailed properties when you click on something.
>Then do that with the do not open bit

You manage to find out how to bring up file properties, and attempt to inspect the do not open folder.
You can see two things about it
FILES IN FOLDER: 0
FILE SIZE ON DISK: 32 KB.

Something about that doesn't sound right.

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/03/06(Mon)18:11 No. 1057702 ID: 15a025
File 167815509292.png - (127.25KB , 500x500 , 18.png )

>Check recycle bin
You open up the recycle bin. It just has documents titled "schedule for" followed by a date. Nothing too interesting.
Next you open up the new folder. Inside are a bunch of folders titled new folder1,2,3,4, and so on. I guess she doesn't know how to rename folders? Or maybe it's a way to confuse possible snoops?

>For starters, reproduce the error: Double-click inbox and see what goes wrong.
You double click the inbox and an error pops up.
The application you are trying to open is either unavailable at this time or cannot be found. Please contact your administrator for more information.

Another message pop ups on screen:
"Do not reply, as a reminder. Instant messages like this cost us per message sent and is used only for emergency notices such as this. Phone lines are currently down and something is wrong with our emails. Be on the lookout for any suspicious activity or individual. We believe someone is stealing all of our office supplies. Please knock on the supply closet and let our IT department know if you find anything. That is all."

Open mozzarilla and check browsing history.
Check file properties on that New Application. When was it created?

>>1057700

Yea, some settings somewhere allows for hidden files. Try opening New Folder and see if you can edit the folder view settings, and navigate to view the desktop with the program used to view folders, enabling showing the file extension options and showing all hidden filetypes and all those power user type settings that give more information or options or show advanced menus or whatever. That will help inform whether you can do something with the 'do not open'. I suppose it would depend on what kind of extra detail you can figure out!

how is the file that isn't supposed to be filed doing on our desk?

>>1057707
This, but also. I feel like opening the Do Not File is critical. Afterall its "do not file" not "do not open". Crack it open!

Oh well. Play some solitaire.

>>1057809

We were told at the start not to open it though

If this is some kind of computer simulation, we definitely should not open the file. It might be a zip bomb or a virus.

>>1057909

And that was before everything started getting super wonky. Also, no one reasonable would expect someone not to peek given those instructions. This entire business and experience is completely out of control!

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/03/14(Tue)19:10 No. 1058582 ID: 15a025
File 167884625653.png - (13.81KB , 500x500 , 19.png )

>how is the file that isn't supposed to be filed doing on our desk?
Still there, thankfully. You can see why the secretary needed an assistant for this, the computer can sure be distracting.

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/03/14(Tue)19:11 No. 1058584 ID: 15a025
File 167884627512.png - (118.76KB , 500x500 , 20.png )

>Check file properties on that New Application. When was it created?
You try to check the creation date for it, but seems like it's just blank? Hopefully nothing's wrong with the computer.

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/03/14(Tue)19:11 No. 1058585 ID: 15a025
File 167884630563.png - (121.48KB , 500x500 , 21.png )

>see if you can edit the folder view settings, and navigate to view the desktop with the program used to view folders, enabling showing the file extension options and showing all hidden filetypes and all those power user type settings
Odd. You don't have permission to see file extensions, but it lets you enable hidden files.
Out of curiosity, you check the DO NOT OPEN folder.

It's changed?

Oh neat Minesweeper is on the desktop. Why is it hidden though? Try running it.

Also, now that you can examine folders for their contents, snoop in New Folder, using Properties to see which of the subfolders contain files.

Play minesweeper

Open New Folder and use that to manually type in the path to do not open so you can browse to where you can see the hidden file in the do not open folder without going there normally.

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/03/16(Thu)16:35 No. 1058733 ID: 15a025
File 167900973106.png - (110.48KB , 500x500 , 22.png )

>Oh neat Minesweeper is on the desktop. Why is it hidden though? Try running it.
>Play minesweeper
Odd that is was hidden, but you suppose a short break here couldn't hurt. You double click the icon and the game board pops up.

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/03/16(Thu)16:35 No. 1058734 ID: 15a025
File 167900974760.png - (111.93KB , 500x500 , 23.png )

You aren't very good at it though, and shortly click a mine-

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/03/16(Thu)16:36 No. 1058736 ID: 15a025
File 167900978549.png - (19.75KB , 500x500 , 24.png )

*BOOM*

You hear a few screams of panic as the secretary's door spontaneously explodes. Thankfully, it doesn't seem like anyone but the door was hurt.

>>1058673
Oooh this is a good idea.

>>1058736
Also holy shit move quickly! Whatever is on the computer is influencing reality! Start downloading pictures of money and printing them! This is of the utmost urgency! If the net is down use MSPAINT!

NOW do you believe you're in a simulation?? Or possibly the afterlife?? Or some mad scientist's artificially set up world??

>>1058737
Oh, in addition, try adding a bunch of files to do not open and see if the do not file gets bulkier!

More precisely, consider that you may be literally in Hell. In other words, either a supernatural demon is messing with your local reality in malicious manner, or it is actually hundreds of years into The Future, and an evil AI has copied your brain onto a smaller computer somewhere, and is running you and your coworkers in a simulated Hell and making you think that the present is actually the present. Now realize that there is, to your viewpoint, NO OBSERVABLE DIFFERENCE between the two scenarios from the inside.

What happens when you win Solitaire, then? Try that next.

We can number crunch so much shit if we only knew how to apply the computer's base programs to unanswered fundamental problems like [P:NP]

Start off by attempting to code a basic .js script and use a browser to play it. Use the command browser to find 'spells' and throw them into the code.

Maybe you should not being bad at minesweeper dude.

>>1058754
this... isn't actually a bad idea
see if you can use javascript to summon your hunky original the character to real life

Ya this is like that sci fi/fantasy book where the protagonist realized he was a computer program in a simulated world, and then figured out how to get access to some of the code of his simulation, and used his coding skills to cast spells on his reality.

See if you can do that without getting yourself or others horribly killed!

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/03/23(Thu)16:46 No. 1059372 ID: 15a025
File 167961516529.png - (129.92KB , 500x500 , 25.png )

>NOW do you believe you're in a simulation?? Or possibly the afterlife?? Or some mad scientist's artificially set up world??
Okay, there might be some kind of magic or crazy sci-fi thing going in the office. Door's don't just suddenly blow up after all.

>Whatever is on the computer is influencing reality! Start downloading pictures of money and printing them!
Well, it's a worth a shot. Hopefully this won't cause any economic problems or collapse. You try to print out some pictures of money, however an error pops up.
ERROR: This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. A note will be added to your file about this.
So much for free money...

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/03/23(Thu)16:46 No. 1059373 ID: 15a025
File 167961519549.png - (168.49KB , 500x500 , 26.png )

>see if you can use javascript to summon your hunky original the character to real life
Unfortunately, you have no idea how to code or program. That's beyond your pay grade.

>print a paper with pens written on it. Try at least a brand of pen, color, and quantity just in case it's specific
Well, if you can't print out money. Maybe you can print office supplies? You try typing up a document with all kinds of ways to describe pens. You print it out, but nothing happens. Then you try printing out pictures of pens, but alas. Still nothing.
You try to think. Maybe there's something else you have to do with these files for the office magic to work?

I don't think printing will do anything. I think it has to be a file on the computer. Try saving a photo of some office supplies to the computer!

You wouldn't download a car!

>>1059376 This!
Its so obvious! Download A CAR!

Ya, save it to the desktop, then close and then run the file by double clicking it from the desktop. Try various sorts of files types, text, images, and the like. Also, the office equipment around you was influencing reality, maybe you can do something with that??

Maybe you gotta do the opposite of shredding files? Double check the room just to make sure printing didn't do anything

Ya, can you restore things, get them out of trash or recycle bins, stop destroying things, put things back in their place, both digitally and in 'reality'?

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/03/29(Wed)18:30 No. 1059858 ID: 15a025
File 168013983345.png - (131.04KB , 500x500 , 27.png )

>You wouldn't download a car!
>It's so obvious! Download A CAR!
You wouldn't download a car, the company's internet speed is only 64 kb/s. You'll be clocked out for the night before it even gets half way there.

>Try saving a photo of some office supplies to the computer!
>Try various sorts of files types, text, images, and the like.
You save your little collage of office supplies as a jpig onto the desktop. Then you also make a notepad file as well. Still no luck.

>try adding a bunch of files to do not open and see if the do not file gets bulkier!
You try putting your office supply files into the Do Not Open folder, and get met with an error:
(X) : File is read only for this user.

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/03/29(Wed)18:30 No. 1059859 ID: 15a025
File 168013984756.png - (39.48KB , 500x500 , 28.png )

>Ya, can you restore things, get them out of trash or recycle bins, stop destroying things, put things back in their place, both digitally and in 'reality'?
You don't think you can hit the undo button and un-shred a folder. Maybe the files have to be on both the computer and in the office? You grab an empty folder and put the office supply papers in it.

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/03/29(Wed)18:31 No. 1059860 ID: 15a025
File 168013986143.png - (19.29KB , 500x500 , 29.png )

Neat!

Create a folder titled "Fluffy Mascot" and stuff it with a combination of curated lewds, standard textbooks, and some random stuff.

So... you can now print out pictures of arbitrary things, label a folder appropriately, place the picture in the folder, and then HAVE THE THING IN FRONT OF YOU.

You... have the ability to summon... literally anything!

See if it's limited to things that 'should' be at an office, or if it's other, arbitrary things too! Can you get sci fi and fantasy things? Will they work?!?!

BREAK THE ECONOMY GET A BUNCH OF SUPER TECH, TOOLS, JEWELS, MAGICAL ITEMS, THE MOST AMAZING CLOTHES, IMPOSSIBLE THINGS, MAGICAL COMPANIONS, LET YOUR INNER 12 YEAR OLD FREEEE YOU CAN HAVE AAANNYYYTHIIINGGG!!!!

To start with, try things like:

-Money/Gems/Platinum Bars
-Extreme high end office chair
-Survival Kit/Bug Out Bag
-Peak Physical and Mental Prowess Fast-Acting Super-Serum
-Sci Fi energy blaster with a stun setting
-Immortality Potion
-Magical Skill-Granting Book (start with something innocuous, like for gardening, and if that works, start ramping it up to every skill you ever wanted)

>>1059863

Something to enable you to fly with complete control! A ring of flying, perhaps! And a ring of invisibility! But not the over the top evil types, just the basic ones.

Don't get too crazy with materializing things into your office immediately. Start with something simple, like porn.

>>1059868

What happens if that materializes, you know, the character of a porn star? Not the actor, the actual over the top character they're playing as?

Make a new door before everyone finds out you sucked at mainsweeper

>>1059903

Would that make an appropriately installed door, or just summon the materials? Or would you need some sort of sci fi repair beam or magical repair device?

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/04/09(Sun)12:17 No. 1061050 ID: 15a025
File 168106783677.png - (11.10KB , 500x500 , 30.png )

>Print money, break economy.
You already tried printing money, the computer yelled at you for that.

>Start with something simple, like porn.
You can't up that stuff at work. Those kinds of websites are blocked.

>[Print magical items]
You try printing and stuffing papers with magical items on them. From magical flying rings, magical spell books, to even a potion of immortality. All you get though is a cheap plastic ring a children's book on how to read and spell. You don't even get a potion or any kind of drink. How lame.

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/04/09(Sun)12:17 No. 1061051 ID: 15a025
File 168106786193.png - (41.75KB , 500x500 , 31.png )

>Make a new door before everyone finds out you sucked at mainsweeper
>Would that make an appropriately installed door, or just summon the materials? Or would you need some sort of sci fi repair beam or magical repair device?

Well, maybe that's enough goofing around. You print out a door and throw it's paper into a folder. A new door takes the place of the old one!
Something about it doesn't seem right though? It's on the tip of your tongue, but it's like a sneeze that just won't come out.

>>1061051

Well, it's the wrong type of door for the purpose. But let's be honest here -- is anyone at THIS place actually going to care? And if they do, will they care enough to make a fuss??

It's Too Realistic. Just like the employee of the month picture... I think we should find out where the picture came from.

>>1061066

That too. Different detail levels applied to the different assets of the simulation, perhaps? And you have a cognitive block from easily noticing the difference unless you focus on it and know to look for it? The cat layer of the he's waiting for ham day picture was similar.

shoulda used microsoft paint for the door. Ah well, a door's a door.

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/04/11(Tue)14:18 No. 1061171 ID: 15a025
File 168124790024.png - (44.01KB , 500x500 , 32.png )

>It's Too Realistic. Just like the employee of the month picture... I think we should find out where the picture came from.
Too realistic? How can a tangible object in front of you be too realistic. You try to recall what the employee of the month photo looked like, but can't draw a clear image of it in your mind.

>you have a cognitive block from easily noticing the difference unless you focus on it and know to look for it?
You stare really, really hard at the door. Maybe it's because it's not the same color of the wall? Yeah. It's gotta be the weird color of the door.

The door opens and the secretary comes back in.

Secretary: "Ugh, I wasted all that time with the badger looking for a pen. How did neither of us see the cup of pens just sitting on his desk!"

She looks around the office.

Secretary: "You been going through my stuff while I was gone? I could have sworn I cleared off my desk before I left."

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/04/11(Tue)14:19 No. 1061172 ID: 15a025
File 168124794372.png - (29.32KB , 500x500 , 33.png )

She sits back down at her desk.

Secretary: "Still no emails though hm... Guess these have to be delivered on hoof then."

She prints out a few flyers and hoof's them over to you.

Secretary: "These are invites for a special investor celebration. All the big project leads are getting together for a pizza party, with a secret reveal."

Secretary: "Oh! Make sure none of the regular employee's know about it as well. They're not invited."

She scuttles you out there door.

Secretary: "Now do be quick! I'll have more for you to do when you get back."

You have three invites, with no names or other instructions. Who's office or department are you going to wander into first?

Perhaps HR for an orgchart to figure out who the 'big project leads' are?

She didn't even give you the names of the 3 people who get the invites? Try going back in and just asking, or ask where their offices are.

Pass out two, and keep the last for yourself. Can't turn down free pizza

>Perhaps HR for an orgchart to figure out who the 'big project leads' are?

this. don't let HR know about pizza party either. We'll think up an excuse later if they ask why. don't keep one for yourself.

Go out the door and say "super duper investor pizza party! Bring extra pizzas to participate! If you don't invest in the party, we kick you out, thanks!"

Buckwheat 2023/04/17(Mon)04:28 No. 1061574 ID: 15a025
File 168173093747.png - (21.79KB , 500x500 , 34.png )

>Perhaps HR for an orgchart to figure out who the 'big project leads' are?
>don't let HR know about pizza party either. We'll think up an excuse later if they ask why. don't keep one for yourself.
At least you know your way over there! You walk over to the helpful resources office.

HR Manager: "Ah! You're the secretary's new assistant. How's your first day going?"

You just smile and tell them things are going well. You explain you're trying to find who these "big project leads" are. There's some paper's for them, since the emails are down.

HR Manager: "Ah, that might be an issue. Nobody's really suppose to go in their offices unless it's important. What is it you're bringing to them?"

>>1061574
It's a secret, sorry.

Sorry, you don't have a direct business need to know that and I was told that the information is sensitive.

Well, put the fliers in three seperate envelopes, and ask if there is somewhere like a drop box that you can drop the fliers off to the higher ups.

Ask her about her leave it to beaver poster. Pretend you don't know what a beaver is and ask if you can see her beaver.

>>1061658

Do you want to get fired for sexual harassment??

What would be the benefit of that?

>>1061662
Severance packages so we can leave this madhouse?
But yes don't do the sexual harassment thing, you'll get sued in addition to fired.

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/04/23(Sun)16:16 No. 1062002 ID: 15a025
File 168229177563.png - (21.65KB , 500x500 , 35.png )

>It's a secret, sorry.
>Sorry, you don't have a direct business need to know that and I was told that the information is sensitive.
HR Manager: "Ugh, she should know better than to send a new hire to deliver confidential stuff..."

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/04/23(Sun)16:16 No. 1062003 ID: 15a025
File 168229181917.png - (22.81KB , 500x500 , 36.png )

>ask if there is somewhere like a drop box that you can drop the fliers off to the higher ups.

HR Manager: "Normally, we just use them for dropping off packages or materials they need. I guess it's fine to put some documents in there too. Let me grab the key for it."

She comes back and paws over a set of keys.
HR Manager: "Please be sure to bring those back when you're done."

You start to walk out, when you realize you still don't know where you're going. You ask her again for directions

HR Manager: "Oh! Silly me. Here's a little directory for you. I've circled where their offices are."

Quite the odd list of directors here.

Director Vulannie- Head of weaponized kitchen utensils, and pillow production.
Director Bill- Head of completely over thinking and overcomplicating thing.
Director Servin- Head of headgear for the antlered, hedges, head lights, and headliners.
Who should you visit first?

Director Bill. knowing him, he has a drop box that will require more than just using a key to open. If we start on him now, we'll have more time to figure it out.

>>1062004
This.

Servin sounds like a fun guy. Let's go meet him!

Director Servin deserves to get a heads up first.

Director Vulannie! That way we can be sure we’re properly armed to fight hand out invitations to the other directors.

Otherwise, head towards Director Servin’s office. Question, do we have antlers? If not, get a hat with antlers from them.

Bill.

I see your company makes money by wearing its employees down with fake work until they're despondently obedient and pliable to work in sweatshop conditions for other unethical companies.

Eeeny, meeny, miney, moe...

Buckwheat 2023/04/27(Thu)18:55 No. 1062215 ID: 15a025
File 168264695503.png - (11.10KB , 500x500 , 37.png )

>3 votes Director Bill
>Director Bill. knowing him, he has a drop box that will require more than just using a key to open. If we start on him now, we'll have more time to figure it out.

You follow the directory and reach Director Bill's dropbox.
You insert the key into the lock, and a screen turns on?
Prove you are not a spam bot, by clicking on all images with funny cats!

None of the images seem to be loading???

The solution is that we need to find coworkers who are cats, and then poke then.

That said, lets go to the other two dropboxes and on our way, find some kitty office workers to poke. Afterwards, we'll come back here after we drop off the other two flyers.

Head off to Servin's box (our second choice). Be on the lookout for cats to poke.

>>1062215
I guess we need to restore the images first? Or maybe you can try right-clicking to see if the images have file names. We could try using that as a hint.

turn it off and on again

Knock on the door and yell delivery!!! Really loud.

>>1062232

And continue knocking. You don't report to this guy, after all. And you were given a task, AND he needs to talk to IT to get his puzzle fixed, and disable it in the meantime.

(IT is not going to be able to fix it without the reality warping thing, but you don't care about this jerk's stupid test, of course.)

guys, I think we're a spam bot.

Buckwheat 2023/05/04(Thu)19:44 No. 1062715 ID: 15a025
File 168325466444.png - (47.93KB , 500x500 , 38.png )

>guys, I think we're a spam bot.
That's preposterous. You're made out of flesh and fur.

>turn it off and on again
You can't find a power button for the computer. The keyboard shortcut to restart the computer also seems to be disabled.

>I guess we need to restore the images first? Or maybe you can try right-clicking to see if the images have file names.

You hover the cursor over the missing images. One of them still has a file name, CAT underscore zero three three dot jay pig. The rest are just unknown underscore jay pig.

>Knock on the door and yell delivery!!! Really loud.
>And continue knocking. You don't report to this guy, after all. And you were given a task, AND he needs to talk to IT to get his puzzle fixed, and disable it in the meantime.
It might be rude to interrupt whatever Director Bill is up to, but he should probably know his computer puzzle is busted.
You pound on the door and yell delivery!!!!!!

Panicked Voice: "Del-delivery?! You're supposed to put it in the drop box!"

Must be the director. You inform him his computer isn't working, all the images are missing. You can't open it.

Director Bill: "Cuh-cuh-can't open it? Oh nooo! I never thought this day would come! Help! HELP! OH THERE'S A SPAM BOT AT MY DOOOR!"

You groan. You're not a robot!

Director Bill: "Impossible! Robots are the only ones who can't open up my lockbox."

You ask, surely there's some other way to prove you're not a robot. The computer isn't loading the images for you to even try and solve it.

Director Bill: "Weeeell, if you truly aren't a spam bot, intent on bringing me all kinds of junk mail I didn't order. Then surely! Surely you have a good sense of humor. If you can slide some funny cat pictures under the door to me, I'll let you in. I-if they're not funny I-ayl-uh... well I'll have to activate the firewall and tuh-take care of you the hard way!"


*Post photos of funny looking cats, or draw your own funny cat picture to show Director Bill.

Poltergeist Ethanoic Acid 2023/05/04(Thu)21:23 No. 1062726 ID: e51896
File 168326062344.png - (33.14KB , 500x500 , 151219767394.png )

here's a cat pic

Poltergeist Ethanoic Acid 2023/05/04(Thu)21:24 No. 1062727 ID: e51896
File 168326064310.png - (3.68KB , 224x236 , oriel.png )

have another

>>1062727

No un-funny and un-cute cat pics, unless you want to THREATEN him!

Do we want to threaten him?

>>1062727

Mother of god. That... is the funniest cat pic I have ever seen in my life. It's too perfect. He'll think the machines have surpassed animanity.

>>1062759

There's a difference between 'inherently humorous itself', 'unsettlingly bizarre', and 'likely to provoke an amusing reaction in a target whose feelings we have no empathy towards'. Do we want to troll this guy?

>>1062761

There is a difference, and yet the word funny means both of those things!

Suggestion 2023/05/05(Fri)17:39 No. 1062798 ID: 273c18
File 168333354407.jpg - (41.36KB , 700x400 , cat.jpg )

>>1062776
nobody cares

Suggestion 2023/05/07(Sun)06:24 No. 1062910 ID: 1823f7
File 168346584720.jpg - (3.95MB , 4624x3468 , 20230116_150825.jpg )

>>1062715
so sassy

Sarcopholacooda 2023/05/21(Sun)18:58 No. 1064332 ID: 11f77a
File 168472069180.png - (87.88KB , 550x500 , rebbul.png )

mmmmrebbol

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/05/22(Mon)20:35 No. 1064388 ID: 15a025
File 168481295548.png - (80.92KB , 500x500 , 39.png )

You chuckle as you manage to print out some funny cat pictures, and slide them under the door.

Director Bill: "Haha, ah yes. Nothing like some funny cat pictures in the morning. Or is it still morning? I don't have any windows."

You stand waiting for him to open the door, but you just continue to hear him quack up over your pictures.

Director Bill: "Oh I love the funny cat drinking an energy drink! And the cute little one buggin the momma cat!"

Finally, he opens up the door.

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/05/22(Mon)20:36 No. 1064389 ID: 15a025
File 168481297926.png - (13.30KB , 500x500 , 40.png )

Director Bill: "Ah! You're that new guy workin for Grace. So what are you here to bother me with now?"

You hand him the invite to the pizza party meeting.

Director Bill: "A pizza party investor meeting? That doesn't sound right. Why would we have an investor meeting at a pizza place? That isn't very formal or professional. What am I even supposed to even wear? Is it supposed to be a formal suit and tie event? What if I get cheese and grease all over my suit, and they just sell all their stocks in the company because we look all greasy and gross?! If it's more of a casual Friday thing though..."

He just keeps rambling and rambling about pizza and clothes. You see how he's earned his job title now.

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/05/22(Mon)20:36 No. 1064390 ID: 15a025
File 168481299427.png - (20.12KB , 500x500 , 41.png )

Suddenly his office door explodes

Director Bill: "GOOD HEVENS! MY DOOR!"

Not our problem

Onwards to director Servin!

>>1064390

The spambots are attacking! To arms!

>>1064390
Someone's playing minesweeper again... Let's go glare at Secretary for a minute.

"Ongoing issue, now which way to QA?"

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/05/30(Tue)05:14 No. 1064791 ID: 15a025
File 168544884106.png - (13.27KB , 500x500 , 42.png )

>The spambots are attacking! To arms!
Bill: "BAH! Quick hurry! Man the firewalls! Call in Auntie Vaihrush! Empty your recycling bins!"

>Not our problem. Onwards to director Servin!
>"Ongoing issue, now which way to QA?"

You apologize and share your sympathies for Director Bill's door, but explain you need to get going. You hop over the charred remains of the exploded door and head down Servin's wing.

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/05/30(Tue)05:14 No. 1064792 ID: 15a025
File 168544885768.png - (16.40KB , 500x500 , 43.png )

As you travel on through, you're stopped by a toll booth? When did office buildings have toll booths?!

Warthog: "Sorry. Hard hats required beyond this point. Can't let you pass till you put one on."

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/05/30(Tue)05:14 No. 1064793 ID: 15a025
File 168544887322.png - (12.79KB , 500x500 , 44.png )

Sadly, the only hard hat left doesn't have antler holes that fit yours!

Why do we need a hard hat?

Is there a way around? I don't see any hats appropriate for my species. Am I obligated to wear the gear correctly?

This is discrimination. Threaten to make a complaint unless they supply a hat you can wear.

>>1064805

I'd say it's a failure to provide appropriate protective equipment for you to do your job duties, which will by necessity take you all over the facility.

Or you could try and reality warp yourself some gear, that might maybe work??

these construction workers gotta have building tools. Ask for some kind of powerful drill to drill some antler sized holes on this hardhat.

...

unless all the building tools disappeared too after shredding those files.

Try and make an appropriate hard hat.

Photocopy hat, then draw holes on the photocopy. Then the hat will have holes because that's what got photocopied.

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/06/18(Sun)19:37 No. 1066218 ID: 15a025
File 168714226201.png - (51.13KB , 500x500 , 45.png )

>Why do we need a hard hat?
Warthog: “So no one can sue the office if a desk or tile falls down and kills ya from blunt head trauma. Bad enough some of these morons aren’t even licensed to handle this equipment.”

>I'd say it's a failure to provide appropriate protective equipment for you to do your job duties, which will by necessity, take you all over the facility.
Warthog: “Not my problem. No hat, no pass.”

>you could try and reality warp yourself some gear, that might maybe work??
You could, but that means running all the way around the office to print it out.

>Ask for some kind of powerful drill to drill some antler sized holes on this hardhat.
>Try and make an appropriate hard hat.
Warthog: “Of course we got a drill! Long as you can make it fit on yer head, I don’t care what you do to it.”

You grab the drill and start drilling away! The hat fits you well, and the warthog lets you pass.

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/06/18(Sun)19:38 No. 1066219 ID: 15a025
File 168714232634.png - (17.74KB , 500x500 , 46.png )

Lucky for you, nothing comes crashing down on your head. You arrive at Servin’s office and-

AHH! YOUR EYES! A blinding light flashes right in your face

Servin: “Come on now, think fast here son! You just gonna stand in front of those head lights barreling towards ya or you gonna do something!?”

What? What! There’s a car in the office?! You try to jump out of the way, but you’re just frozen with fear.

Servin: “BEEP! BEEP! BAM! Car just hit you head-on into an early grave. You gotta think faster than that there son.”

The light flips off, and now you can see a deer wearing a headlight looking down at you.

Servin: “Hey! Who’s the numbskull that gave you that hardhat? I wanna clock’em for bringing in something so makeshift and poorly put together. Looks like some idiot just drilled a big ol hole you’re your antlers to fit in. Why, they’re gonna tarnish my good name letting that filth be worn around my department. Come on now son, fess up. Who gave you this barely OSHA qualified hardhat?”

Simply say the Warthog let you wear it. Tell him this company needs more hardhats

Hand over the flyer you're supposed to give him.

>>1066219
Ask him how you would wear one otherwise. Refuse to implicate anyone, give him his mail and leave.

Put the blame on him. They shoulda known a new employee was starting.

At least say you drilled the holes yourself.

Sass back at him and say for someone in charge of headgear in the office he's managing it terribly by cutting corners and failing to resupply the right helmets for antler-abled employees.

Also, here's a flyer for the _secret investor pizza party

Well, how did they drill the holes in your helmet, sir?

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/07/01(Sat)21:20 No. 1066952 ID: 15a025
File 168827162487.png - (18.59KB , 500x500 , 47.png )

>Well, how did they drill the holes in your helmet, sir?
Servin: “Carefully measuring the size of the antlers with my head dresser of course. I personally, drill the holes with exact and precise measurements.”

>Put the blame on him. They shoulda known a new employee was starting.
>he's managing it terribly by cutting corners and failing to resupply the right helmets for antler-abled employees.
Servin: “Now listen here son, I’m in charge of headgear, headlights, hedges, and all that other stuff. It’s not my job to keep track of new employees. Keep up the sass son, and I’ll make sure you’ll be HEADing on out!”

You ask who the director of head counts is then.

Servin: “Why, that would be m-“

He freezes in place

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/07/01(Sat)21:20 No. 1066953 ID: 15a025
File 168827163629.png - (61.32KB , 500x500 , 47c.png )

Wait, what?

Looks like Secretary won at Solitaire

eh, just leave the flyer on his desk and move over to Director Vulannie

Buckwheat 2023/07/02(Sun)17:39 No. 1066978 ID: 15a025
File 168834476492.png - (154.33KB , 500x500 , 48.png )

>Looks like Secretary won at Solitaire
You aren’t even going to question it, though what’s with the hourglass floating over his head?

>just leave the flyer on his desk and move over to Director Vulannie
You plop a flyer on his desk, and head out for the last director.
You make your way down the hall to the next-
BOOM!

BOOM!

BOOM!

Holy crap! All the doors are exploding!

I guess Secretary is trying minesweeper again, and is losing a few times on purpose to find the best start? Well then, don't go near any doors. If we're lucky, Director Vulannie's door might already be exploded. If not, we might need a broom or something long to open the door at a safe distance.

This is very suspicious. Someone is losing Minesweeper on purpose.
Stay away from any unexploded doors while en route. Help anyone that's injured.

So, can you hold something in front of you to shield against shrapnel and pressure and such? This might actually be a time where it's worth it to go use reality manipulation to get a tower shield or a riot shield or something. And the hourglass was just more evidence your reality is being manipulated to resemble quirks from a PC's operating system, which is nothing new to you.

>>1067001

Just as long as Secretary doesn't have to reboot...

1/4 Buckwheat 2023/07/04(Tue)18:20 No. 1067104 ID: 15a025
File 168852001487.png - (33.81KB , 500x500 , 49.png )

>I guess Secretary is trying minesweeper again, and is losing a few times on purpose to find the best start?
>This is very suspicious. Someone is losing Minesweeper on purpose.
Maybe this is why minesweeper was a hidden file?

>This might actually be a time where it's worth it to go use reality manipulation to get a tower shield or a riot shield or something.
If only you had access to a printer right now… You could backtrack to the secretary’s office, but that might put yourself at risk of more exploding doors.

>the hourglass was just more evidence your reality is being manipulated to resemble quirks from a PC's operating system, which is nothing new to you.
Yes! Surely it’s some kind of computer magic happening in the office.

You cautiously approach the final director’s office.

It’s a giant metal door. Looks pretty high security.

2/4 Buckwheat 2023/07/04(Tue)18:20 No. 1067105 ID: 15a025
File 168852003190.png - (61.42KB , 500x500 , 50.png )

BOOM!

3/4 Buckwheat 2023/07/04(Tue)18:20 No. 1067106 ID: 15a025
File 168852004235.png - (38.72KB , 500x500 , 51.png )

And explosion resistant to boot.

4/4 Buckwheat 2023/07/04(Tue)18:21 No. 1067107 ID: 15a025
File 168852006925.png - (60.15KB , 500x500 , 52.png )

Suddenly the door opens and a fox appears,

Vulannie: “Alright! Who’s the little punk out here causing all this racket!”

"sorry for the loud knock on the door. anyway, I was asked to give this to you *hand over the flyer*

Here you go. *Shows cat pictures.*

Minesweeper!

>>1067107
Tell her you're not sure who's doing it, but after this you think you're going to find out.

Who you callin a punk, punk.

>>1067107
No clue but I'm very interested in finding out for the sake of my health.

Also, here. Flyer for pizza party.

the fact that she has a explosion resistant door means that she experienced minesweeper exploding doors before and was prepared

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/07/11(Tue)18:31 No. 1067634 ID: 15a025
File 168912546212.png - (34.17KB , 500x500 , 53.png )

>the fact that she has a explosion resistant door means that she experienced minesweeper exploding doors before and was prepared
She’s a true veteran of the missile command era.

>Tell her you're not sure who's doing it, but after this you think you're going to find out.
>No clue but I'm very interested in finding out for the sake of my health.
>Also, here. Flyer for pizza party.

You express your innocence to her. You’re just the new guy sent out to deliver flyers.

Vulannie: “A pizza party for an investor meeting? Is this some kind of cover up for my next presentation?”

Before you can really answer, you hear an ear piercing garble of sounds.

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/07/11(Tue)18:32 No. 1067635 ID: 15a025
File 168912555132.png - (16.57KB , 500x500 , 54.png )

Vulannie: “Augh-who called the fax machine on speaker phone!”

You get yanked into her office, and the door slams shut.

Vulannie: “I don’t know what the hell that was out there, but I can tell it ain’t good news that’s for sure.”

You look at her confused and puzzled. She quickly grabs what looks like a cake beater and loads some spiked things into it?

Vulannie: Do you have any experience with kitchen utensils and cutlery?”

You’re even more confused! What do you even say to that?

Ohhhhh! I get it, we're making "cookies", aren't we?

>>1067635
...I live by myself and THIS is my job. Kinda had to learn to cook to not go bankrupt.

Wait... she's right! We can hack Secretary's computer by altering reality ourselves, which will alter the computer! All we need is to disable viewing hidden files, and she can't play Minesweeper anymore! Prepare to do battle using uh... whatever this fork symbolized on her computer!

Or you could y'know, go ask her.

>>1067635
Should we be making a fork bomb?

>>1067645
snrk

"uhhhh, any PARTICULAR cultery?"

>>1067645

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtFFonSxPek&t=1199s

...no.

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/07/13(Thu)18:35 No. 1067797 ID: 15a025
File 168929852296.png - (21.38KB , 500x500 , 55.png )

>I live by myself and THIS is my job. Kinda had to learn to cook to not go bankrupt.
Vulannie: “That’s the spirit private! Here, take this icing gun.”

>All we need is to disable viewing hidden files, and she can't play Minesweeper anymore! Prepare to do battle using uh... whatever this fork symbolized on her computer!
Vulannie: “Minesweeper? This ain’t time for games private. We’re under attack again! We cannot allow whatever’s out there reach the file!”

>Ohhhhh! I get it, we're making "cookies", aren't we?

Vulannie: “Quite the opposite private. We’re cleaning cookies! Now get in position, I’ll take point.”

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/07/13(Thu)18:35 No. 1067798 ID: 15a025
File 168929855067.png - (336.88KB , 500x500 , 56.png )

She flings the door open, and the crude sound echoes through the building. A strange otter like figure approaches from across the hall.

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/07/13(Thu)18:36 No. 1067799 ID: 15a025
File 168929859504.png - (361.64KB , 500x500 , 57.png )

Vulannie fires her weird lookin forks out of her cake beater, but-

What is going on in this place!

>>1067799
Open fire!

Oh no! our weapons are doing nothing!

wait, I have an idea, lure this otter towards the hall leading to Servin's office. It's a hardhat mandatory area, so that means there's gotta be something in the ceiling over there we can shoot at to collapse on top of the otter if it follows us!

taunt the otter to chase you over there.

also, I see that Director Bill turned on the firewalls!

You have the icing gun!
ICE that thing!

1/4 Buckwheat 2023/08/15(Tue)16:36 No. 1070271 ID: 15a025
File 169214258256.png - (358.32KB , 500x500 , 58.png )

>I see that Director Bill turned on the firewalls!
You can’t tell if it’s the firewall activating or if it’s more explosions from minesweeper.

>Open fire!
>You have the icing gun! ICE that thing!
You pull the trigger and a goopy gobs of cake frosting spurt out! None of it hits him, but it splashes on the floor and turns into ice?

2/4 Buckwheat 2023/08/15(Tue)16:36 No. 1070272 ID: 15a025
File 169214260624.png - (271.25KB , 500x500 , 59.png )

>wait, I have an idea, lure this otter towards the hall leading to Servin's office. It's a hardhat mandatory area, so that means there's gotta be something in the ceiling over there we can shoot at to collapse on top of the otter if it follows us!
You don’t stick around to find out what that otter’s going to do, and flee towards Servin’s wing.

The otter disregards any safety rules in place and follows you in without a hard hat. The toll booth operator isn’t paid enough to deal with an otter threatening him at gun point. He does however, buy you enough time to gain some distance between him.

3/4 Buckwheat 2023/08/15(Tue)16:37 No. 1070273 ID: 15a025
File 169214262242.png - (13.43KB , 500x500 , 60.png )

You and Vulannie shoot the ceiling with your kitchen guns in hopes of squishing him. Down-

4/4 Buckwheat 2023/08/15(Tue)16:37 No. 1070274 ID: 15a025
File 169214264352.png - (7.94KB , 500x500 , 61.png )

A GIANT YETI!

Ywti: RAWWWR!

Vulannie: “Oh right, the new ski simulation was upstairs.”

The Otter is already booking it past you.

Press F to go faster!

The intrusion countermeasures are backfiring! Throw a door at the otter! Maybe your timing will be perfect and someone will just happen to lose Minesweeper in that exact moment!

Solution is simple, we gotta run faster than the otter so the yeti can eat the otter and not us. AMSCRAY!

Okay priority one is to not be the slowest in the pack. Priority two is to slow down the otter.

>slow down the otter.
Why do that when you can slow down the yeti?

Turn a corridor and ice the floor so the yeti overshoots and continues straight forward.

>Why do that when you can slow down the yeti?

Because we want the yeti to eat the otter so he isnt a problem anymore

Ice the floor where the otter is running to slip him up and then run past him

1/4 Buckwheat 2023/08/27(Sun)18:00 No. 1071037 ID: 15a025
File 169318441420.png - (322.01KB , 500x500 , 62.png )

>The intrusion countermeasures are backfiring! Throw a door at the otter!
They’ve all blown up!

>Solution is simple, we gotta run faster than the otter so the yeti can eat the otter and not us.
>Okay priority one is to not be the slowest in the pack. Priority two is to slow down the otter.
>we want the yeti to eat the otter so he isnt a problem anymore

You waste no time booking it down the halls, however Vulannie sprints right past you.

Vulannie: “Come on private! GET THE LEAD OUT!”

2/4 Buckwheat 2023/08/27(Sun)18:00 No. 1071038 ID: 15a025
File 169318444060.png - (366.29KB , 500x500 , 63.png )

You run as fast as your legs allow you, however the Otter is neck and neck with you!

He mutters something to you, but the dial up sounds make it hard to understand him

Otter: “�h � � le � � �t b � � � �te � y �u I � �ot.”

>Ice the floor where the otter is running to slip him up and then run past him.
You hear the Yeti gaining on you and don’t have time to figure out what the otter is trying to say. You grab you frosting gun and ice the floor ahead of you.

3/4 Buckwheat 2023/08/27(Sun)18:00 No. 1071039 ID: 15a025
File 169318445573.png - (314.32KB , 500x500 , 64.png )

The otter tries to dodge but the hall is too narrow. He slips and falls!

4/4 Buckwheat 2023/08/27(Sun)18:01 No. 1071040 ID: 15a025
File 169318446793.png - (15.22KB , 500x500 , 65.png )

You continue racing down the hall as you hear the Yeti crunch up the otter into a meal. You don’t look back to see what happened, but you find there’s a piece of paper in your hooves?

[code]This is a sacrificial goat file.[code]

You sure understand the "y �u I � �ot" part quite well. You've been called that many, many times, by many people.

> Sacrificial Goat File

Well, it's a file, and it doesn't say DO NOT FILE on it, so... file it?

Bring that file to Director Bill. goat files are used for virus testing. he might know what to do with it since he's crazy about protection, cause I certainly don't know what to do with it.

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/03(Sun)15:39 No. 1071553 ID: 15a025
File 169378075941.png - (14.22KB , 500x500 , 66.png )

>Bring that file to Director Bill. goat files are used for virus testing. he might know what to do with it since he's crazy about protection
You nod your head and agree. Director Bill should hopefully know something about this. You bid farewell to Director Vulannie for now.

Director Vulannie: “Just don’t forget your directive private! Do not let anyone, file that file. I’m heading back to the lab myself. Need to research on making better weapons to fight that thing.”

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/03(Sun)15:40 No. 1071554 ID: 15a025
File 169378081537.png - (13.42KB , 500x500 , 67.png )

The two of you part ways and you arrive back to Bill’s office. Seems like his door hasn’t been replaced yet.

Director Bill: “Oh finally, some back up! Welcome aboard new guy! It’s always until after an incident they believe me.”

You ask what happened?

Director Bill: “You saw it and you deleted it yourself! I was watching you on the security camera mister action hero-what is that in your hooves?”

You give him the letter.

Director Bill: “A GOAT FILE! Oh we need to get this scanned right away, it could be infected! D-d-duh-don't touch anything till we have!”

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/03(Sun)15:41 No. 1071555 ID: 15a025
File 169378089177.png - (45.21KB , 500x500 , 68.png )

He rushes it over to a scanner and gets it pulled up on the computer.

Director Bill: “It’ll take a bit to fully do a scan of this, I like my security systems to be very through! However, I can see there’s a hidden text document in this!”

The document gets pulled up.

Mission: The file must be destroyed. Details: The main file is to be deleted. The programs are too powerful to continue to exist. Current Session: thirty-two. Session Notes- Session three: Retained files from previous sessions? Session four: Post session injection learned. Session notes being kept when possible. Session seven: Obfuscated explosives in pre-session loading. Session twelve: The Fox does not originate from this drive. Origin drive currently unknow. Session fifteen: Pre-session command injected. Session eighteen: The Fox recognizes the agent. Retaining files from previous session? Session twenty-three: [� � � � � ]will cause reboot if anti-virus agent is deleted. All other processes may be terminated. Session twenty-nine: Do not delete files relating to fire fighters, causes reboot. Session thirty-one: [� � � � �] is sometimes able to terminate post session injections before reboot.

You scratch at your head reading all this. They’re notes about something, but you don’t really understand what most of this could be on or mean.

Well, someone *really* wants that file not to be filed. Enough that they're willing to destroy it apparently. I think the sessions imply that you're in some sort of time loop. Vulanie is special somehow; is she a consultant? You also know never to delete any files in any way related to fire-fighters. Secretary probably blows up the world herself, if her autographed buff desktop background is deleted.

What's really puzzling is they say "[� � � � � ] will cause reboot if anti-virus agent is deleted." Isn't that exactly what the anti-virus agent is supposed to do? Is there an anti-virus agent for the anti-virus agent?"

Regardless yes, remember prime directive, hit on deer secretary check on that file!

>>1071555
Sounds like we're stuck in a kind of time loop. The enemy agent is able to keep "memories" and so is the fox, maybe. The fox... that's the Director? Go ask her about the sessions. Maybe there's something you can do to help? Invade the invaders, perhaps?

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/09/04(Mon)18:10 No. 1071672 ID: 15a025
File 169387622365.png - (45.72KB , 500x500 , 69.png )

>I think the sessions imply that you're in some sort of time loop.
>Sounds like we're stuck in a kind of time loop.
Computer magic knows no bounds. You groan thinking about how you’ve probably been through this thirty something times now. Maybe you can figure out how to break this time loop?

>You also know never to delete any files in any way related to fire-fighters. Secretary probably blows up the world herself, if her autographed buff desktop background is deleted.
Well, you didn’t have a reason to delete them, but now you have a reason not to delete them.

>Vulanie is special somehow; is she a consultant?
>The fox... that's the Director? Go ask her about the sessions. Maybe there's something you can do to help? Invade the invaders, perhaps?
If you’re going to get any answers, it sounds like she’s your best bet!

>Regardless yes, remember prime directive, check on that file!
It’s also been sometime since you checked up on the secretary. Gotta make sure she hasn’t lost track of that file!

As you step away Director Bill orders your to halt.

Director Bill: “Now w-wait a moment! The scan isn’t finished yet! I-i-if you can promise not to touch anything till I get the virus scan results, I’ll let you go. Any funny business though and I’ll have to send Director Vulannie and the firewalls after you!”

You nod and agree.

SECONDARY DIRECTIVE ADDED: DO NOT TOUCH

You scratch your head in confusion, who said that?

Director Bill: “Said what?”

You groan and brush it off as the weird computer magic going on in this place.

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/09/04(Mon)18:11 No. 1071673 ID: 15a025
File 169387626410.png - (20.80KB , 500x500 , 70.png )

You make it back to the secretary and ask for her to open the door, since you can’t touch anything.

It feels peaceful to be back in her office, away from all the chaos you’ve encountered.

Secretary: “Welcome back! Took you longer than I thought it would to deliver those fliers, but it is your first day on the job.”

She gives you a warm smile,

Secretary: “You know, it’s getting to be about time for a lunch break. It’d be a great time to get to know more about you. How about it, care to join me?”

>>1071673
"How stupid do you think I am?"

>>1071673
No. You can't touch food so you can't eat at the moment, and if you both went somewhere nobody would be around to keep track of The File.

That sounds wonderful! Oh, but don't forget to bring the file with you.

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/05(Tue)18:13 No. 1071749 ID: 15a025
File 169396283641.png - (20.67KB , 500x500 , 71.png )

>"How stupid do you think I am?"
>No. You can't touch food so you can't eat at the moment, and if you both went somewhere nobody would be around to keep track of The File.
You apologize, but remind her you’re not able to touch things.

Secretary: “Oh,right…”

Her expression changes a little.

Secretary: “Did you touch something contagious over in Director Vulannie or Bill’s office? Bill’s such a worrier. He’s a got a background in medicine though! He’s not a very a good doctor.

She giggles a bit.

Secretary: “Just between us though.”

Well, a little office gossip seems to have changed her mood back. You ask her about Vulannie next.

Secretary: “Oh! Sometimes she experiments with chemicals. She’s come up with some pretty wild kitchen ammo in the past. Ever use explosive tomato sauce? Not as spicy as it sounds, but it kind of worked.”

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/05(Tue)18:14 No. 1071750 ID: 15a025
File 169396287380.png - (20.72KB , 500x500 , 72.png )

She glances to the side,

Secretary: “Did you leave the door open?”

You shake your head no.

Secretary: “Oh right, possibly contagious. So uh… where did that goat come from exact-

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/05(Tue)18:14 No. 1071751 ID: 15a025
File 169396289496.png - (17.45KB , 500x500 , 73.png )

Secretary: “Hey NO! Don’t be eating my folders! Get out of that filing cabinet!”

The goat belches, and continues munching away.

Secretary: “Ugh! Assistant, please remove this goat from my office! I’ll make sure he doesn’t get the top secret folder. Just, do something and get rid of it!”

Maybe hes a fainting goat. Scare him! Quick! BOO!

>>1071751
Yell at the goat.

>>1071756

GOat AWAY!

Lure it to the door with a file. Then lose at minesweeper.

>>1071977
That would require touching a file, and the computer.

>>1071982
Secretary can do it for us tho

Fart in his general direction?

1/4 Buckwheat 2023/09/13(Wed)17:48 No. 1072323 ID: 15a025
File 169465252161.png - (13.32KB , 500x500 , 74.png )

>Fart in his general direction?
You don’t have any gas in your tank to fart on command. You do yell at the goat, saying his mother was a hamster, and his father smelt of elderberries!
The goat burps in your general direction as a response.

> Maybe hes a fainting goat. Scare him! Quick! BOO!
> Yell at the goat.
> GOat AWAY!
You casually walk behind the goat, and then yell BOO!

3/4 Buckwheat 2023/09/13(Wed)17:48 No. 1072324 ID: 15a025
File 169465253725.png - (13.07KB , 500x500 , 75.png )

The goat lands on its side, and freezes up.