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Mystic Star Cream
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There was a 'Draw and Describe Your Campaign' thread on 4chan's /tg/, but I think this really belongs here.
1. Player: a friendly person who I spend time with sometimes, and a nifty person in general. Likes birds. Has an immutable, inexplicable emoticon. Character: A sylph with a tendency to 'follow her heart' and, since her heart is apparently the heart of a hormonal teenager, this involves abandoning lovers, having sex with herself, tasing people, and generally acting like a childish individual. The BBEG has a lesbian psychocrush on her and often visits via a portal in her throat.
2. Player: a quiet guy who is polite and reasonable. Often links inappropriate images. Character: a wizard who collects dead things and stores them in the many, many jars which line his coat. Tends to be logical when others are not.
3. Player: a strange but exceptionally loving person who treasures his friends. Has an amazing voice. Yells at cows for getting stuck in trees sometimes. Character: a sex-swapping nymphomaniac bard who picked up a powerful (but cursed) ring of birth control and protection from STDs. Uses both sexes to his/her advantage. Currently stuck as a lady. Twin brother of 4. Descended from a god.
4. Player: the most experienced out of all of us, and an incredibly kind, polite person. He's memorized things I've never even thought to look up, and without him, the campaign wouldn't have gotten more than one session. Has two kittens. Played Hyperdimension Neptunia once. Has always regretted it. Character: a perky, loving cleric from the church of ADVENTURE. Level-headed at most times. Stuck an undead teenage boy in the body of an adult woman via a magic mirror once. Has always regretted it. Twin sister of 3. Descended from the god she worships, though she didn't know it at the time.
5. Hey, that's me! I'm the DM, and though I had never played Pathfinder before, I quickly got the hang of it, thanks mostly to the copious amounts of help 4 provided, though also because my players were paragons of patience and understanding. (Also because most of them had never played either, so I could screw up the rules and they would never notice. Making stuff up is what I do, and I am very good at it.) I have mental disorders and a world-famous brother.
6. Player: a true friend, and a sweet person who may or may not be a government agent. Likes guns a little too much. Did some stuff involving dragon rape once. Always regretted it. Likes lizards. First campaign ever. Character: a large, not profoundly intelligent lizard fighter who drives the ladies wild without meaning to do so. Once got cursed with a doofy hat. Had a half-orc stalker who eventually became his girlfriend. Switched bodies with this stalker once. Always regretted it. Likes Hao.
7. Player: a friendly, generous Canadian billionaire who spends waaaay too much time commissioning porn. Is a big gay furry. Does not deny this. Commissions porn of his and other people's characters. Has never regretted it. First campaign ever. Character: a gunslinging bird without many memories and a really, really bad case of being an alcoholic. Crack shot. Tends to roll criticals when attacking other party members. Has a clingy, female split-personality whose identity is as of yet unknown. Has a scarily powerful nightmarebeast stalker with an obsession for stealing people away and leaving lots of his own, still-living feathers everywhere.
8. Player: an intelligent, creative person who puts his friends first and loves the mechanics of fighting. Has created many unique worlds and races. Likes pastries. Puts up with me, somehow. Character: a cavalier sheriff who watched his city fall and was one of the few survivors. Has a ridiculous horse. Is the personification of all human logic, by necessity. Constantly shakes his head at the rest of the party's shenanigans. Wears a tricorn hat. Has never regretted it.
9. BITCHESBITCHESBITCHES is our dicebot. Once, a long time ago, 6 made a kobold adventuress in Dwarf Fortress, and let me pick the name. Thus the legend of BITCHESBITCHESBITCHES the kobold began. Being a kobold, this legend ended pretty horribly. If I remember right, Triple B was beaten and broken by an entire human village for no reason, then disemboweled by a toddler with a carving knife. RIP, BITCHESBITCHESBITCHES. Nevertheless, her ghost still haunts IRC, giving us all terrible rolls, except for 6. She likes 6. She won't let anyone else have him. She'd rather the whole world die in an endless storm of critical failures than let some whore take her man. Her lizard. Her lizardman.
This is my group. It's bizarre and wacky, sometimes twisted and sad, but those traits and flaws make it something unique and beautiful. We have a lot of fun, and I enjoy every weird moment of it.
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