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6207 No. 6207 ID: cf244d

Gentlemen. Today, I give to you a grand gift. Dungeons The Dragoning. It is a mighty system that allows the creation of grand heroes, from Ork Werewolf Fighters of Khorne to Dark Eldarin Promethean Paladins of The Raven Queen to Human Paragon Guardsmen of Sigmar.


You will MARVEL at my role playing system!
Expand all images
No. 6208 ID: 6fe2b0

Was mispelling Eladrin as Eldarin a conscious choice to fit in with the Eldar from 40K or is this just a case of thinking it was "Eldarin" the entire time?
No. 6209 ID: cf244d

I've been doing some proofreading. I'm not done yet, but here's what I've got so far.

Page 5, top paragraph of second column: "there1" should be "there!"
Page 7, line 11: "such malice it sould sear" should be "such malice that it would sear"
Also, on centered text, words shoule not be split and hyphenated, as the edges of the text are jagged anyway.
Page 12, last paragraph of first column: "Dark Eldar" Should be "Dark Eldarin"
Page 12, Malal's description: "devistation" should be "devastation"
Page 22 line 6: "Mustress" should be "Mistress"
Page 23 line 3 "of a fantastic races" should be "of fantastic races" or "of a fantastic race"
Page 23, last line of second paragraph, "versitile" should be "versatile"
page 25 line 11: "brighTest" should be "brightest"
page 26 first line of second paragraph, "brith" should be "birth"
Page 27 paragraph 2 line 9 "pilgramage" should be "pilgrimage"
page 31 paragraph 2 "often" is used twice. I recomend replacing the first with "usually".
page 32 paragraph 2 line 7 "fasTest" should be "fastest".
page 36 line 9 "amd" should be "and"
page 37 line 3 "greaTest" should be "greatest"
page 39 line 15 "beleive" should be "believe"
Page 42 column 2 paragraph 2 "change into two forms" should probably be "change into one of two forms"
Page 43 paragraph 1 The werewolf's bite and claws in Warform should probably specify if they use Brawl or Weaponry.
page 45 in the "maximise spell" description "dice" should probably be "die", as that is the correct singular.
page 46 paragraph 4 line 7 "greaTest" should be "greatest"
page 48 line 6 "diety" should be "deity"
page 48 paragraph 4 line 5 "greaTest" should be "greatest"
page 53 description of Black Miracle, line 6 "fate" shoud be "essence" unless I'm mistaken.
page 56 in description of Magic User "versitile" should be "versatile"
page 82 line 3 "ot" should probably be "it"
page 83 paragraph 6 line 4 "man" should be "many"
page 84 last line "Impliment" should be "Implement"

It was pretty obviously a conscious choice.
No. 6214 ID: 7027a2

Need Class section on char sheet
No. 6217 ID: cf244d

Now there's an IRC channel:
#DtDchat on rizon.
No. 6221 ID: cf244d

I just sort of skimmed most of the feats, rather than reading them properly.

page 86 column 2 paragraph 1 line 1 "preform" should be "perform"
page 86 column 2 paragraph 2 "mastery" is used twise in succession. You should probably replace on - The firt "mastery of" could become "skill with"
page 86 column 2 paragraph 3 line 3 "his" should be "your"
page 87 Blind Fighting maybe say what the normal penalties are or reference the page that contains them?
page 88 Death before Defeat "before" should be "Before"
page 88 Death before Defeat "stubbonness" thould be "stubbornness".
page 88 Divine Grace "enironmental" should be "environmental"
page 94 second chance "hobbits" should probably be "halflings"
page 99 Tribe Asset box, Iron Masters: "talents" should probably be "feats".
page 105 Night Terrors "greaTest" should be "greatest"
page 109 paragraph 4 line 7 "greaTest" should be "greatest"
page 109/110: Pushing and fettering are both listed with their own paragraphs, but only Pushing has its own header. Ideally this would be more uniform.
page 110 column 2 paragraph 3 "Schols" should be "Schools"
page 110 Divination "another's" should be "an other's"
page 110 both Divination and Enchantment allege to hold roughly the same power over people's minds. Some rephrasing should happen in the Divination paragraph.
page 112 column 2 paragraph 1 the end of this paragraph is missing. Presumably it should be something like "combos cannot be obtained during character creation".
page 113 line 4, the sentence is missing its ending.
page 114 "The Earth ProTests" should be "The Earth Protests"
page 115 warp burn "smahes" ahould be "smashes"
page 115 "fate points" shoud probably be "Hero points"
page 115 reality quake "raditing" should be "radiating"
page 115 Lost to the Warp "gragged" should be "dragged"
page 116 Invisible servant description line 2 "preform" should be "perform"
page 118 "Agury" shold be "Augury"
page 122 Energy Metors description "Copy this spell for each dot you have in Evocation." My understanding from reading the chapter is that you cannot get a level 5 spell unless you have five dots in the school anyway, and thus this could say you get 5 meteors, thus being less likely to cause confusion but having the same effect.
page 123 "Ressurection" should be "Resurrection"
page 123 Image description line 9 "tell it as unreal" should be "tell it is unreal" or "recognize it as unreal"
No. 6223 ID: cf244d

Abjuration's higher level abilities are a bit lackluster; only contingency is really noticeably better than a Abjuration 3 spell. I'd recommend swapping the levels between Disjunction and Contingency.
Conjuration lacks varied abilities, there's no possible way to avoid having spells that are different-powered versions of each other. To remedy this I suggest a set of daemon-summoning spells. So long as these don't include the capability to control the daemon, this should work fine.
Divination is a pretty solid school. I'd recommend Augury, rather than revealing if current actions are wise, says something like "if your current course of action is likely to have positive or negative results for you", as current wording is likely to spark debates of the meaning of "wise", and/or what actions count as "current". Scry and Commune should probably accept a crystal ball as a focus, as an additional possible alternative to the water and mirror.
Enchantment is pretty good. Attraction, as currently worded, excludes animals as viable targets. It probably shouldn't.
Evocation is boring. It's all just various flavors of damage-dealing. Damage dealing is all well and good, but having nothing else is liable to leave someone with multiple Evocation spells just spamming whatever spell is most powerful or most efficient, and not using the other spells. Also unless I'm mistaken, the line Energy Meteors
Healing is good. Rebuke seems underpowered for a 3 spell, but that's just my impression.
Illusion seems solid enough, though it could use a touch more variety. I feel as though it should be possible to make illusions of greater volume than the lowest level Image. One such as "Illusory Landscape" with a vast area but otherwise the same characteristics as Image (but higher TN of course) would be a good addition at a later level, probably 4.
Necromancy is solid enough. Consume Soul seems like it should do something else beyond what it does; eating a soul should effect the caste in some way, though possibly only if the caster is a vampire.
Transmutation is somewhat lacking in options for non-werewolves. Treesong and Earth Song should increase effected volume with raises.

Now, in the current setup, Necromancy and Transmutation are only available to Tremeres and Silent Striders as things currently stand. That's not really ideal. I recommend a "Tremere-taught" and "Strider-taught" feat, available as optional feats at the middle levels of Magic User and Cleric, allowing the character to add those schools to the list for the class with which the user takes it. Lacking Blood Potency and Feral Heart, the character would never be as good at it as if they were of the appropriate exaltation, but those spells would nonetheless be available to all characters nonetheless.
No. 6224 ID: cf244d

page 129 paragraph 2 line 4 "home" should be "hope"
page 129 paragraph 2 line 5 "mgiht" should be "might"
page 129 paragraph 3 line 6 "represeted" should be "represented"
page 130 column 2 paragraph 5 last line "the best" should be "the very best"
page 133 descriptions states "This Sword School includes energies baneful to a creature opposed to the Martial Adept's cause" but no ability actually does that.
page 135 Master "Mithirl" should be "Mithril"
page 138 description last line "Dwarves" should probably be "Squats"
page 143 Background Effects Holdings 4 "WhiTestar" should be "Whitestar"
page 144 Wealth line 2 "hugh" should be "high" or "huge"
page 144 Wealth paragraph 2 line 6 "aquiring" should be "acquiring"
page 148 paragraph 4 line 2 "devisive" should be "divisive"
page 148 paragraph 4 line 12 "admid" should be "amid"
149 column 1 last line "follows" should be "followers"
150 line 8 "long" should be "lone"
150 Cuthbert the "t" in "Cuthbert" should be bold like the rest of the word.
153 line 8 "catalouged" should be "cataloged"
153 column 2 line 2 "associateed" should be "associated"
153 column 2 line 3 "raning" should be "ranging"
154 Acquisitions table "Aquisitions" should be "Acquisitions"
154 almost last paragraph, line 4 "likes" should be "lies"
154 almost last paragraph, line 7 "flgiht" thould be "flight"
155 paragraph 3 line 9 "servide" should be "service"
156 Heavy line 3 and 4 "but equally it could be" should be rephrased
157 Poor line 4 "Relible" should be "Reliable"
158 Revolver "Tested" should be "tested"
No. 6225 ID: 43d730

Dragonborn Werewolf Barbarian of Khorne.
Does that work out to triple heresy, or am I doing the math wrong?
No. 6252 ID: cf244d

Oh well.

13 Water "Fencing Weapon" should probably be "Fencing Sword"
165 Main Gouche should be Main Gauche
165 Gryspike should be Gyrspike
166 Main Gouche should be Main Gauche
167 Gyrspike description "Gryspike" should be "Gyrspike"
169 There's stuff under Availability that should be under AP
171 Medkit "medikit" should be "medkit"
172 column 2 paragraph 2 line 9 "aquisition" should be "acquisition"
173 under Bionic Arm line 1 "systms" should be "systems"
178 under Mithril line 8 "mithril reflects" should probably be "mithril items reflect" or similar
178 under Darksteel line 4 "Testing" should be "testing"
180 column 2 line 6 "fencing weapon" should probably be "fencing sword" and quality should be explicitly specified
No. 6302 ID: cf244d

15 paragraph 5 line 4 "Lyran" should be "Lycan"
195 line 5 "Great wheel" should be "Great Wheel"
195 paragraph 4 line 11 "dice" should be "die"
196 under Characteristic Tests line 3 "determins" should be "determines"
196 under Characteristic Tests line 12 "pagents" should be "pageants"
196 column 2 line 5 "secuction" should be "seduction"
197 column 2 paragraph 3 line 2 "environemnt" should be "environment"
203 line 3 "momement" should be "movement"
210 paragraph 6 line 7 "damge" should be "damage"
212 paragraph 4 line 12 ".." at end of sentance should be "."
219 under Lost Eye line 1 "haves" should be "halves"
219 under Lost Leg line 2 "Losting" should be "Losing"
221 under Unconsciousness line 1 "Unconsiousness" should be "Unconsciousness"
221 under Unconsciousness line 4 "unconsiousness" should be "unconsciousness"
221 under Unconsciousness line 6 "unconsiousness" should be "unconsciousness"
221 under Unconsciousness line 8 "unconsious" should be "unconscious"
224 column 2 line 3 "refuation" thould be "refutation"
225 Wordplay doesn't specify characteristics used on the Test
226 Disposition table has multiple different effects for same numbers
231 column 2 paragraph 4 line 3 "dwarves" should probably br "squats"
236 column 2 paragraph 2 line 9 "weath" should be "wealth"
No. 6355 ID: 6cb915


Really, WH40K's influence on the word 'heresy' has got to be stopped.
No. 6397 ID: cf244d

Khorne - The god of battle. The blood god. He enjoys killing dudes. Khorne is a god of honorable combat and slaugter. Of battles fought for glory alone and for dirty, drawn out fights for life and country. Khorne loves every type of warfare found in this world.
Worship of Khorne is purely through bloodshed, either from one's enemies in victory or one's own through earnest struggle. Khorne has only a few simple commandments for his followers:
* Spill blood in his name. It can be your blood or the blood of your enemies, but do not shy from violence.
* Do not trust in sorcery, and do not seek to learn its secrets - magic is the way of the weak.

* Fight in honorable combat, not against the weak or helpless.
Slaanesh - The god of excess. Sex, drugs and rock and roll. Slaanesh is all about doing what you enjoy, and not holding back for anyone. The drive to be perfect, the love of doing something just to do it. The excitement of the novel. The joy of art. That's what Slaanesh is about. Worship of Slaanesh is extremely varied, ranging from simple hedonism to elaborate and exacting rituals that take days to complete. Slaanesh orders its followers thus:
* Turn away from no new experience, unless it would kill you - try everything once
* Stand out from those around you To blend in with the crowd is to lose who you are.
* Tempt others with what you enjoy share drink, invite them to lavish meals, and turn them to hedonism.

Tzeentch - The god of change. Change we can believe in. Tzeentch is also the god of hope, because hope is nothing more than wishing for the future to change. In his mind Tzeentch listens to the hopes and plans of every mortal and every nation; and through his own complex plots and manipulation he alters the course of history to achieve some great plan beyond mortal knowledge. Tzeentch asks for his followers to do the following:
* Be flexible with your plans. You must always be open to change as it is needed.
* Change what you don't like in yourself. Use sorcery! All the sorcery!
* Follow your own goals. Take command of your destiny.

Nurgle - The god of despair. He cares about you and all your diseases. Seriously. He loves you. He's like the lazy, smelly grandpa who is always there with a smile, who makes you laugh, and is there to hold you when you need a shoulder to cry on. He also dabbles a bit with death, rot, disease, and so forth. Nurgle doesn't interfere with his followers too much, but he does have a few simple things he asks of his worshippers:
* Don't bother seeking help. Fail or succeed through your own perseverance.
* You can only escape suffering through faith.
* Be kind to those who are facing death. They cannot be saved, but there's no reason not to make them more comfortable.
No. 6442 ID: 43d730

I was thinking more the reactions of the churches (heresy, not blasphemy) from syncretising Bahamutian ideals from upbringing, Khornate ideals from experiences, and Lunar ones from exaltation.
No. 6570 ID: 30df25
File 130361108478.png - (148.49KB , 826x1169 , Dungeons The Dragoning CharSheet.png )

So YOU'RE to blame for this!
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