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ba9785.jpg
Sparkling Soda
ba9785
You are a blanket, hissing and prone. You wait in a hole in the puckering wall, waiting for prey to wander by.
> WAIT WHAT
Earth and surrounding galaxies are replaced with a single alien of immense size and mutable shape.You find yourself in a birdbath cathedral. Every flat surface has an equal, square area with one central, circular depression filled with water. A corridor stretches into darkness, endless lines of pools sitting as still as carbon. Each cubic module making up the pathway is condensed ash, as black as obsidian.
The water, which grows more cold and frosty as you bumble forward, always stays affixed firmly to its surface, whether wall or ceiling.
> FORGE ON AHEADYou walk among the surfaces of the block towers. It is otherworldly and fantastic, with a shag carpet vista stretching into the horizon.
Seventeen titans dance in unison, immersed in construction.
> JUMP OFF THE TOWER
> INWARDS AGAINYou are a blanket, hissing and prone. You wait in a hole in the puckering wall, waiting for prey to wander by so you can grab and consume it.
> NO, IYou cannot actually tell where east is. You charge into a wall, opening a sphincter and escaping into a meadow of Snoopies yelping as they continually trod on each other's tails while dancing for suppertime.
The more time you spend here, the hungrier you are.
HUP HUP HUP SUPPERTIME
> PARTICIPATE IN DANCE
> IGNORE DANCEYour brief life flashes before your pale eyes.
Born on April 848th to Woodsnoopy 45, your mother. Your egg hatches and your spongiform memory rolls like film, indelible and unfiltered.
Your scrawny form and off-white, eggshell fur are unremarkable among your Figure Clan.
Just another Woodsnoopy. Just another hybrid of Yellow Bird and White Beagle.
There are hundreds of your kind inhabiting the Fiefdom of Mounds. Nothing special.
You soar headfirst towards the wall.
You never thought the end would come so soon.
When you smash into the wall, when you die, will things be revealed to you?
Will this bizarre, unfathomable world unveil its secrets? GOOD GRIEF! I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS! GET REAL!!!! G͉͖̝͎̙͉̗͙̻̦̭̭̦̪̠͎̳͉̦̖̗̹̜͈͓͉̬̜͔͓͈̝̗̣͔͔͓̙̠͓̤̫̱̼̲̝̳̩̙̞̥̼͖̱͍̠͉̬̭̠̼͉̪̖̖̫̹͕̣̹̤̖͓̰̖̤̺̹̫̩̦͍͍̫͈̙͚̣̣̳̼̳͔̟̜ͅͅͅͅO̻̼̭̦̻͓̟̲͙͈̠͖̞̯͈̞̣͉͚͕͖̜͍͔̝̠̻͈̙̳̳̺̭̹̫O̹̟͖̬̮̺̗̦̠̹̝̲̥̹̫̰̻͖͎̺̙͎̤̘̠̦̘̦̫̻̺̹̭̝͕̝̮͎͖̼͎̳̫̲̙̹̝̬̖̟͖̦̱͈̞͈̠̝͈̫̦̱̱̞̘̦̥̻̭̮̹͉͈̠͍͍̜̳̘͙̼͎̫̱̝͈̟̝̜̗͚̙͉͕̳͓̺̗̻̮̳͙̖͖̣̘̻̻͕̱̯̟̙̘͕̰̙͓̰ͅD̥̭͓͙͓͚̥͓̫̼͙̯̩̞͍̳̜̠͕̫̺̯̮̫̮̞̩̘̖͖̳̩̬͍̼̤̺̟̣̝̻̗̝̻͍̪͓̟̝͈̘̰̹͕͇͍͎̺̯̺͖̫͍̙̰̣͎͙͙̠ͅͅͅ ̻̠͇̮̯̯̩̙̞̰͓̲̮̦̻̤̥͙̜̫͈̭̲͎̦̳͕͕͔͓̹͍̝̥̼̜̝̳̮̺̤͔͓̘̬̲̝͙̘̟̣̫̩̪̲̘̫̗͈͍͙̻̪̹͉̳̘̗̭ͅG̻̲̫͎̠̩̞̫̳̰͎͍͈͚̻̻̱̼̟̱͓͙̰̖̠͓̻̦̳̙͇̪̯̖̹͖̯̥̟̺̯̠͙̼̘̥̮̜̝͔̥̳̟̟̝̬̮̲͈̼͇͖͉̺̤͔̘̰̘͔̪̥̟͔̹̻̦̜̝̠͈̦̯̪̣̦̘̝͖͇̜͓̫̰̟̳͉̞͎͓̱̘̗͇̞̺͎͓ͅͅR͉̩̪̣̰͍͓͔̥̟͎̰̞̺̮̫̲̱̤͙̬̩̻̰̳̣̩̬̣̙̖̩̯̱̟̪͉̤̠̗̣̲̻͈͖̝̬͕̠͖͇̠͎͈͎͚̺̫̳̬̣̞̤̼̖̪̘̣̼̖̫̞̮̲͍͎͓̳͚̯̯̠͖̝̥̥͔̩͇̗̮̣̟̥͔͖͎̼̘̙̥̝̙̙̳̮͇͖̳̣̩͔̳̰͎͚̦̺͈̦̤̙̗̟̱̗͉̩̪̪̻̙̮̠̩̪̥͖ͅI̦̺̟̜̯͇̼̩̪̳͕E͚͉̩͚̮̦͔͍͕̬̞̫̣̪̠̠͖͖̺͇̳̺̰̺̣̪͉̱̪̱̞͖̤̲̲̻̱͎̥̲͙̤̼̺̼̣̻̙̜̼̳͔͈̹̠͔̬̻̹͙͍͇̥̟̘F̘̮͉̮̫̤͈̫̟̲̜̲̲ ̫̙̜͎̝̺̘̳̤͇̥̫͉͕̬̳̥̻͍͓͖̥̙̖̝̰͉̩͎͔̥̟̱̙̳̼̻̖͓̫̥̤̞͚ ͚̼̫͍̭̗̦̠͉̹̫̺̥͚̥̟̗͈͚͕̦̝̥͚̬̝̻͕̦̰̯̖̹̼̖͕͎͇͎͕̟̹̘̲̱̫̱̗̥͔̝̝̙̲̼͇̝̯͙̻̱ͅͅ!̼̗̜̯̗̙̼͙͎̯̗̹̻̮͙͖̯ͅ ͍͓̬̲̫̫̦͔̬̯͙̖͚͚͚̩̻̩͉̝͓̙͔͍͓̖̥̖͉͕̘͎̺̭̫̲̖̖̮̞͕͎̼̤̲̝̻̖͙̣̞͖̮̱̯̟̖̦̘̫͍͇̲̙͇̺͓̼̳̮̩͉̭̮͍̯̘̤̳͚̯̣͇̦͔̖̠͉̮̪͎͕̳̝̪̠̠͓̠̥͉̠̱̼̩͙̝̟̹͇̱̪̭͚̭̘̹̫̳̱͕̳̘͔͇̠͖̞̪͕̤͓͕̣̜͈̤͓̫̟̤̟̯͍̮̻̥̬͓͕̻͎͇̖̦͔̞̯̦ͅͅͅͅ!̲̼̯̜̱̦̯̩̟̲̼̠̝̭͍͇͖̼̤̞̖͙̪̙͈̥̰͔̖͖͓̺̦̦̥̰̩̹̩̫̙ ̲͍̱͖̳͚͙̣̣̠̻͉̘̳̤̟͔͖͍͚͍̻͉̟̖͎͎̲̼͉̳͙͓͖̳̳̱̞̞̮̯̗͖̺͔̭͍̼̗̻͍̝̺̜͈!̥̠̜̯͇̮̻̦̭̠̬͔̰͈̼̱̪͔̹̹̹͍͎̱͍̳̠̯̰̦͓̗̞̹̙̤̭̦̟̘͍̘̰̲̲̞̫͉͓̻̥̟̜͓͕
I CAN'T STAND IT !!!!
You have never been screamed at by something the size of a mountain before.
His angry shouts echo throughout the valley. The sheer force bowls you over and tears off the soles of your feet.
Howling and bleeding, you rocket backwards, down the road, past your hut, where Woodsnoopy 45 stands waiting...
The Eastern Rock Wall looms in your near future...You hover and hum along the inside of a groove painted red.
The lacquer's ridges are apparent at this macro level.
There is a bend to the left up ahead.
Hideous roars of impossible power sound above you.
> A SHADOW DESCENDSFOURTEEN THOUSAND YEARS IN THE FUTURE:
You fall for what seems like approximately fifteen hours and thirty-seven minutes exactly before slamming into a blanket.
It feels blue and wraps you tightly. You are being strangled!!
> THRASH
> BASH
> FREAK OUTYou pick up a toy zamboni and are immediately crushed by a real zamboni.
GAME OVER...
Each stone of the massive, mile-high wall bloats up and moans, seeing you coming. Canary-yellow feathers squirt out of your mouth, an airborne trail.
The ancient boulders seem so very solid. It is said giants leaned upon the wall and spoke incantations there.
At the last moment, you suddenly arc upwards, a parabola in your trajectory! You are soaring towards the topmost part of the wall!
It's a miracle! Perhaps you'll make it over unharmed! You smash headfirst into the wall.You spew out eggs, which are immediately fertilized by the girl's oozing hagfish protrusion.
A clutch of tiny Snoopies burst out of the egg patch and fill the water. You snack idly on the slowest.
Suddenly, a zamboni rains from the sky and splashes deep into the camp lake, smacking your body into pieces.
Your bits wriggle with the sensation of sudden cessation of consciousness.
The right ear sprouts flagella and speeds downwards, grabbing onto the zamboni. You are a zamboni.1. An Unknown Alien Being acquires a child's forgotten book and mistakenly believes that it depicts proper protocol for interaction with the human world.
2. It grows and converts all life into more of itself, like a living strangelet - emotionless spacial cancer.
It can shapeshift or divide at will and learns quickly. Each mass it breaks off possesses its own intelligence.
3. The new being filters everything it perceives through the lens of Peanuts comics. It mimics characters, but with no understanding of how they fit together.
A computer-generated collage. It doesn't understand human rules - but it does understands the laws of Peanuts.
4. After many years, the Milky Way and surrounding galaxies have been entirely overtaken by this single entity. Suddenly deprived of food, the organism begins to STAGNATE.
5. The organism transforms into a distorted parody of the former planet Earth, a foul, expansive hellworld - filtered, again, through Peanuts.
End result: There exists an infinite, nonsensical world with all locations, living things, and social interaction based on half-remembered dreams.
Thousands of years to fester and the memory is going bad, the original book having been long since lost in the constant churning reshaping. This new, living world has been dying for millenia.
You are here to watch an alien rot. 1. An Unknown Alien Being acquires a child's forgotten book and mistakenly believes that it depicts proper protocol for interaction with the human world.
2. It grows and converts all life into more of itself, like a living strangelet - emotionless spacial cancer.
It can shapeshift or divide at will and learns quickly. Each mass it breaks off possesses its own intelligence.
3. The new being filters everything it perceives through the lens of Peanuts comics. It mimics characters, but with no understanding of how they fit together.
A computer-generated collage. It doesn't understand human rules - but it does understands the laws of Peanuts.
4. After many years, the Milky Way and surrounding galaxies have been entirely overtaken by this single entity. Suddenly deprived of food, the organism begins to STAGNATE.
5. The organism transforms into a distorted parody of the former planet Earth, a foul, expansive hellworld - filtered, again, through Peanuts.
Pumpkin patch and pitcher's mound. 1. An Unknown Alien Being acquires a child's forgotten book and mistakenly believes that it depicts proper protocol for interaction with the human world.
2. It grows and converts all life into more of itself, like a living strangelet - emotionless spacial cancer.
It can shapeshift or divide at will and learns quickly. Each mass it breaks off possesses its own intelligence.
3. The new being filters everything it perceives through the lens of Peanuts comics. It mimics characters, but with no understanding of how they fit together.
A computer-generated collage. It doesn't understand human rules - but it does understands the laws of Peanuts.
4. After many years, the Milky Way and surrounding galaxies have been entirely overtaken by this single entity. Suddenly deprived of food, the organism begins to STAGNATE.
Living dungeons collapsing. Cell walls buckling. You cannot stop in time and one tower falls. The Linus doesn't pause or notice. He acts harmoniously, placing imaginary blocks.
Reading carefully, you see that the structures spell out one word each, and they read, in order:
THERE IS A ONE-WORD EXPLANATION
FOR THIS WORLD,
ONE SIMPLE RATIONALIZATION FOR ITS PRESENCE AND YOURS:
The last tower lies in shambles.
Left unfulfilled, you feel the need to leave the room. Obvious exits are east, east, east, inwards.
> EAST
> EAST
> EAST
> INWARDSYou notice that the slowest tend to be the ones with revenant feathers or slightly jaundiced tints.
... Your beak-lips stick fast and turn grey. Cancerous stonemilk spreads quickly over the rest of your body. Viral temporal petrification.
> ...THAT'S OKAY
> RIP SELF AWAY
What has occurred here is mind-boggling to the human cortex.
Let's clarify.Peppermint Patty sits in her lair, surrounded by a spider's web of zig-zag patterns.
She is idly scrawling a zig-zag in the dust on a piece of particle board.
The wood is supported on the naked back of Marcy, who exists in a debased primal state with forty-nine heads surrounding a single hand.
Each sings a different note, an chorus of "Sir!"s repeatedly incessantly, staggered just so that the rising tones give the impression of
a single endlessly-rising scale. This Shepard's choir of heads minutely modifies its amplitude to keep the illusion going.
It is the single most beautiful thing you have ever heard.
Peppermint Patty howls "CHUCK!!!" again. A Snoopy head peeks out between her beautifully segmented, exquisitely tanned and toned legs.
The dripping orgasm of her screams coats the walls with a vomitous green, like split pea soup, first figuratively and then literally.
Splatter patterIt's time for camp! You pile into a bus and are driven to the lake, which you jump into gladly.
A little red-haired girl is waiting for you beneath the utterly still water. She hugs your blanket form tightly and then quarters you.
It is like ripping paper.
Swimming Snoopies crowd in like piranhas and feast on your form.1. An Unknown Alien Being acquires a child's forgotten book and mistakenly believes that it depicts proper protocol for interaction with the human world.
2. It grows and converts all life into more of itself, like a living strangelet - emotionless spacial cancer.
It can shapeshift or divide at will and learns quickly. Each mass it breaks off possesses its own intelligence.
3. The new being filters everything it perceives through the lens of Peanuts comics. It mimics characters, but with no understanding of how they fit together.
A computer-generated collage. It doesn't understand human rules - but it does understands the laws of Peanuts.
It knows depression better than it knows friendship. Separate, self-contained consciousnesses flicker in and out of the world, governed by nothing, generating their own idiosyncratic,
meaningless, ephemeral societies taking cues from greedy fussbudget Lucy van Pelt or tranquil philosopher Linus.
Life bulges out of life and sinks back in before anything notices.
Autonomous tumors effervescing.
When beings here are born, it is from the bosom of Spawning Pits, fountains of liquid comic-strip mimicry.
And when they die, it is in the Mastaba Snoopy that they are interred.Biting and snarling, your head is ripped apart almost immediately by a great hundred of Snoopies.
The girl stuffs your powdered remains down her throat and you are gone forever.
A cat laughs off-screen, audible to everyone, but it goes unacknowledged.
GAME OVERYou are in the Van Pelt toyroom, which is located beneath the Van Pelt gallery and above a graveyard-queendom of forty billion spiral-shaped psychiatric booths run by Lucy 1, who is pretending to be an amnesiac to defraud people of their nickels.
The toyroom has lots of blocks and a tiny wax horse, which lies untouched in the corner.
Linus 212 exists in seventeen different iterations here, playing with blocks and arranging them into Fibonacci-based patterns.
Each iteration is a month older and exactly ten percent larger than the last. They act in perfect unison.
The penultimate, near-rightmost one belches, but does not desync with the rest.
> KICK OVER BLOCKS
> PICK UP TOYYes. You fall through a trap door and soar ten billion miles down to a jagged pile of gross rocks.
Snoopy stands here, luxuriant, leaning against a red doghouse. His legs are spread wide open and you fight to avoid staring at his visibly throbbing crotch. One eyebrow raised. He knows what you're thinking.
Sunglasses drip down his cheeks and splash onto his lips, puckered for a kiss from a cloud of chirping zambonis.
You are too injured to move anything but your eyes, so he tosses you a Heal potion. You thank him and walk away. It is not Snoopy that grins back, but Joe Cool...1. An Unknown Alien Being acquires a child's forgotten book and mistakenly believes that it depicts proper protocol for interaction with the human world.
2. It grows and converts all life into more of itself, like a living strangelet - emotionless spacial cancer.
It can shapeshift or divide at will and learns quickly. Each mass it breaks off possesses its own intelligence.
The human race fights bravely, but perishes in months. ...
Each stone of the massive, mile-high wall bloats up and moans, seeing you coming. Canary-yellow feathers squirt out of your mouth, an airborne trail.
The ancient boulders seem so very solid. It is said giants leaned upon the wall and spoke incantations there.
At the last moment, you suddenly arc upwards, a parabola in your trajectory! You are soaring towards the topmost part of the wall!
It's a miracle! Perhaps you'll make it over unharmed!Peppermint Patty sits in her lair, surrounded by a spider's web of zig-zag patterns.
She is idly scrawling a zig-zag in the dust on a piece of particle board.
The wood is supported on the naked back of Marcy, who exists in a debased primal state with forty-nine heads surrounding a single hand.
Each sings a different note, an chorus of "Sir!"s repeatedly incessantly, staggered just so that the rising tones give the impression of
a single endlessly-rising scale. This Shepard's choir of heads minutely modifies its amplitude to keep the illusion going.
It is the single most beautiful thing you have ever heard.
Peppermint Patty howls "CHUCK!!!" again. A Snoopy head peeks out between her beautifully segmented, exquisitely tanned and toned legs.
The dripping orgasm of her screams coats the walls with a vomitous green, like split pea soup, first figuratively and then literally.
This is rad. This is totally a good place. My ruby, my angel.
Sinking into the spiral. You could stay here forever.
This is the freedom you asked for. This is Heaven.
GAME OVERYou're still in a meadow of frolicking Snoopies. They aren't hostile, but they are hungry.
The wall back to the toyroom heaves and collapses, subducting quickly beneath the meadow, which is slowly trickling outwards, edges pulsing like the fringes of an amoeba.
The more time you spend here, the hungrier you are.
OH YES IT'S SUPPERTIME, SUPPERTIME
> PARTICIPATE IN DANCE
> IGNORE DANCE You are in a maze of twisty little Charlie Browns, all alike.
Sewn up in a crochet of endless zig-zag sweaters, you roll fitfully down the increasingly cramped knitted hallways.
Stinky boy arms and legs rise in weird patterns at erratic intervals.
You see a tiny hole in one wall, just visible by standing on tip-toe.
You come to an ampitheatre where the choking sweaters thin out.
There is a mystic rose inscribed in the biggest Charlie Brown's forehead. Little Charlie Browns live inside the bigger one.
It's a bit like that book Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH in that they chew tunnels through him and crawl around inside.
Down the left corridor, a voice yells "CHUCK!!!"
> ENTER CORRIDOR
A set of broken yellow jalousie-blinds in the oblong corner of the room puke up freezing air and snow.
> CRAWL INTO SNOW1. An Unknown Alien Being acquires a child's forgotten book and mistakenly believes that it depicts proper protocol for interaction with the human world.
The book is a collection of Peanuts comics. Your fall is stopped by a black pool. You're in a black pit. Snoopy heads grow like mushrooms from the blackest possible cave floor.
But soft! What light from yonder window breaks? A giant, wide-open Snoopy mouth is set into the black wall, bookended by open-mouthed
Snoopy heads with their paws carved as though they are tearing the big one's maw open. There is an Oreo-colored light shining within.
> ENTER SNOOPY[/choice][choice=mastaba-10]Your entire upper half tears off and stops moving. You are a pair of white doggy legs lurching around.
The soles of your feet are stinging, while your entire top part is too gone to hurt.
> BLINDLY STUMBLE AROUNDYou are in a field of withered Christmas trees. A pumpkin rolls along like a tumbleweed.
Linus 99911 is here, sobbing.
> COMFORT HIM
A sunless black sky stretches to the left and right, but still there's a sickly ambient light.
> THAT RHYMESYou die alone in a meadow of dying trees, feeling vaguely fulfilled.
It is the strongest emotion you have ever felt.
THE ENDBits of piano-key coral and disused waste Snoopies line the bottom of the lake.
A unique Snoopy with elongated, crocodilian jaws snatches you up and snaps you cleanly in half.
Your halves fall to the seabed and become one with the trash that lines the benthal layer. A steering wheel idly spins.
A bicycle screams. Miniature Woodstocks tied together, mouth to rear end like a centipede, crawl along your body, chewing off metal.Ҁ Ⓞ θ Ð Ⓖ ℝ Ⓘ ξ ƒ Ⓖ Ф О Ð Ҁ ℞ Ⓘ Ⓔ ℉ Ⓖ О Ⓞ Ð Ҁ ℞ ⚕ Ⓔ ℉
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Ҁ Ⓞ θ Ð Ⓖ ℝ Ⓘ ξ ƒ Ⓖ Ф О Ð Ҁ ℞ Ⓘ Ⓔ ℉ Ⓖ О Ⓞ Ð Ҁ ℞ ⚕ Ⓔ ℉
Ҁ Ⓞ θ Ð Ⓖ ℝ Ⓘ ξ ƒ Ⓖ Ф О Ð Ҁ ℞ Ⓘ Ⓔ ℉ Ⓖ О Ⓞ Ð Ҁ ℞ ⚕ Ⓔ ℉You are a swimming Snoopy, the good kind with the goggles. There is nothing to do in the lake.
A little red-haired girl is here, minding the Snoopies.
> TURN ON SNOOPY KIN
> MULTIPLYIt's really more of a sideways tree with a hollow bladder you can access from the outside. Don't be picky.
... The Pitcher swings up abnormally fast, his broken neck adjusting, craning from between splayed arms.
His spatchcock limbs quiver and bulge. Socks and shoes flutter like songbirds, dancing in and around the Pitcher and kissing gently.
MY PENMANSHIP IS ABOMINABLE, he whispers, sounding almost embarrassed.
You remain nickelless.
None of this makes sense. Everything is agonizing and strange. What if there was something before the Fiefdom?
The world can't be right. ...what if the world is wrong?
> PLEASE SET ME FREE, PITCHER. MY SUPERIORS ARE UNBEARABLE. I'M BEGINNING TO SUSPECT... TO SUSPECT THAT OUR EXISTENCE IS... UNNATURAL...Peppermint Patty sits in her lair, surrounded by a spider's web of zig-zag patterns.
She is idly scrawling a zig-zag in the dust on a piece of particle board.
The wood is supported on the naked back of Marcy, who exists in a debased primal state with forty-nine heads surrounding a single hand.
Each sings a different note, an chorus of "Sir!"s repeatedly incessantly, staggered just so that the rising tones give the impression of
a single endlessly-rising scale. This Shepard's choir of heads minutely modifies its amplitude to keep the illusion going.
It is the single most beautiful thing you have ever heard.
Peppermint Patty howls "CHUCK!!!" again. A Snoopy head peeks out between her beautifully segmented, exquisitely tanned and toned legs.
The dripping orgasm of her screams coats the walls with a vomitous green, like split pea soup, first figuratively and then literally.
This is rad. This is totally a good place. My ruby, my angel.
Sinking into the spiral. You could stay here forever.
This is the freedom you asked for.A block is placed on top of the one you're in.
It is totally, utterly dark.
You trip and fall, then rise up forever. _-_=-=-->>=--"~-~--=<=->.
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GAME OVERWoodsnoopy 45 squawks and shifts awkwardly from left paw to right wing.
STOP
Greedy to disobey, you snatch up the mask. The hut collapses with a poof, right on top of you.
MY PICASSO
MY COLOUR TELEVISION
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE 799
You are swallowed by a horde of catcher's gloves.
Woodsnoopy 45 makes an appeal to the Fiefdom Courts and you are summarily executed by being run over with a bicycle.
It is the most painful and drawn-out death available to a denizen of the Fiefdom. Rerun 8 laughs as he carries out the punishment.
His external spine is fused to his mother's.
Your pulpified components are thrown into the Spawning Pits and are recycled. Within an hour, there is a new Woodsnoopy 799.
GAME OVERAs a member of the hybrid Woodsnoopy Clan, your life is one of drudgery and toil under your masters, who may command you only because they are your elders.
This story begins on the Eastern branch of the new world, on a tiny hovering island surrounded by enormous stone walls -
an island called the Fiefdom of Mounds, named after the Pitcher's Mounds that dot the landscape.
Nobody on the Fiefdom has seen outside of the walls in recorded history. Most are under the assumption that there is nothing outside.
They are completely wrong, and today, you - Woodsnoopy 799 - will find out what lies in the Uncharted Zones.
Enter life in the Fiefdom of Mounds...You stick a single bleary eye into the hole and peer around.
Outside is an utterly red sea of roiling fog and what looks like glass plates with identical copies of frozen mistballs locked inside.
This extends forever in every direction.
Ridging the outside of the tight sweater-vein is balcony of thin, lumpy orbs the color of white flesh, congealed like boiled gumballs
and lightly dusted with thin, translucent hair.
A squirrely, buzzing dot flickers around the top of the void, flying so far up that your eyes have to roll painfully back in their sockets to see it.
It approaches and recedes every few seconds. Soon it becomes apparent that it is a Schroeder head and neck, gasping like a fish. His cone-shaped neck tapers and throbs.
> STOP LOOKINGYou're still in a meadow of frolicking Snoopies. Snoopies burble out of the ground and spurt strings of buoyant goo from their abdomens, ballooning into the sky and floating away.
The meadow's ends are fraying and curving upwards. Red and yellow hair spew from the pores in the surface of the soil, questing and grasping as a flame. You stop to notice an out-of-place Franklin in the distance, whose head instantly shifts to occupy spaces several feet to the left and right of his neck.
A gargantuan redness makes itself known to the sky. Some sort of floating building miming a sun, illuminating with none of its warmth. Something sits astride it, clutching its reins.
Suddenly, a Snoopy jumps onto your back. A Snoopy jumps onto your front. A lanky, wormlike Snoopy inveigles its way up the holes in your feet.
HUP
HUP
HUP
IT'S
> SUPPERTIME I WAS EXCOMMUNICATED BY MY PITCHER AT MOUND EIGHT.
> I, TOO, FROM MOUND NINETEEN.
FROM NOW ON WE ARE A CLAN.
> AGREEABLE. GOOD GRIEF!!
Linus 99911 is crushed by a falling zamboni.
Trees sprout hungrily from his liquified corpse, clutching the zamboni and tearing out its engine.
The whole mess turns grey and freezes still. Snow continues to fall.
> KISS THE REMAINSYou spread your stubby wings, rub your aching feet, and spring off into the air, full of Woodsnoopy pride.
It is your first time you experience the feeling of arrogant awe and speechless beauty.
You soar onwards into the night, leaving behind the giants and their games.
You extend in dimensions you didn't realize existed and find yourself in a grove of trees that is also a clump of crabgrass.
A boy puts his head against a nearby tree in despair, but your heart burns brightly enough that his is illuminated as well.
To be here is the most wonderful and magnificent sensation you could possibly feel.
For the rest of your life, you never think about the Fiefdom again.
THE END
mastaba snoopy
by gods17 _-_=-=-->>=--"~-~--=<=->.
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GAME OVER5ͦ̿͏̭̞̱͚̻͇ ̧̢̬̦̟̞̼͇̬͐ͭ5̴͚͐̒͑̓͋̄ ̗̜͙̜͉̉̓̃͆̀5̧̻͈̫̭̜͉ͮ̿̎̊͘ͅ ̮͔̻̖͔͉̙̪ͦ̀5̭͕͗͂ͧͮ͜͟ͅ ̶̛͇͈ͪ͛͑̒5͕̣̭̳̹̦̣̳̓̏ͪ̈͒͞͝ 5ͦ̿͏̭̞̱͚̻͇ ̧̢̬̦̟̞̼͇̬͐ͭ5̴͚͐̒͑̓͋̄ ̗̜͙̜͉̉̓̃͆̀5̧̻͈̫̭̜͉ͮ̿̎̊͘ͅ ̮͔̻̖͔͉̙̪ͦ̀5̭͕͗͂ͧͮ͜͟ͅ ̶̛͇͈ͪ͛͑̒5͕̣̭̳̹̦̣̳̓̏ͪ̈͒͞͝ 5ͦ̿͏̭̞̱͚̻͇ ̧̢̬̦̟̞̼͇̬͐ͭ5̴͚͐̒͑̓͋̄ ̗̜͙̜͉̉̓̃͆̀5̧̻͈̫̭̜͉ͮ̿̎̊͘ͅ ̮͔̻̖͔͉̙̪ͦ̀5̭͕͗͂ͧͮ͜͟ͅ ̶̛͇͈ͪ͛͑̒5͕̣̭̳̹̦̣̳̓̏ͪ̈͒͞͝
Woodsnoopy 45 stares into your open heart. Her yellow head squirms and pukes up feathers.
It makes you uncomfortable when she looks at you. She makes a demand.
Her demands come often and always create uncomfortably simultaneous feelings of resentment and obedience.
ACQUIRE NICKELS
That is the territory of the Lucy faction. They are the ones who gather nickels. Woodsnoopy 45 is overstepping her boundaries.
Being a mere Woodsnoopy 799, however, you can do naught but obey.
Society sometimes seems untenable to you. The rigid caste-based hierarchies and roles, the antiquated hostility between the revenant clans - it all creates an unignorable doubt in your undersized jonquil head.
You have a headache and a task: get nickels.
You are in a hut made of catcher's gloves, with a single catcher's mask sunk into the center of the floor. Woodsnoopy 45 is here, waiting for nickels.
You are in the Fiefdom of the Mounds. It is the Thirteen Thousand and Fourth Year of the Sunless Dominion.
> LEAVE HUT
> TAKE MASKChanneling the malice and cruelty of Woodsnoopy 45, you aim a vicious kick at the blocks. Linus 212 17! takes no notice.
Just before your paw hits the last, most fragile tower, you happen to glance down and read its letters.
> IT REVEALS THE MEANING OF LIFEDespite your efforts, you are incorporated into its being.
> ......
Each stone of the massive, mile-high wall bloats up and moans, seeing you coming. Canary-yellow feathers squirt out of your mouth, an airborne trail.
The ancient boulders seem so very solid. It is said giants leaned upon the wall and spoke incantations there.
At the last moment, you suddenly arc upwards, a parabola in your trajectory! You are soaring towards the topmost part of the wall!
It's a miracle! Perhaps you'll make it over unharmed! You smash headfirst into the wall.
It gives and you are in darkness, flying like no Woodsnoopy has flown. Wings unflapping.
Blood and down poring from both ends.
Plunging through the black, you see your fiefdom shrink behind you.
An orchard of over fifty Pitchers float at the same height.
Nobody in the Woodsnoopy clan has ever gone this far east. Your tiny enclave is all you have ever known,
but now you seem hellbent on exiting even the Pitcher Dominion, forgoing their sagacity and leaving
into the uncharted Primal Zones.
You are an explorer...
...
It is horrid...After a brief walk through the statuette-lined vineyard and down some sidewalks, you stand on the outskirts of the Nineteenth Pitcher Mound.
The Pitcher 19 is in right now.
He is suspended several miles above the Mound, rotating slowly. His contorted form fills the sky.
WHAT DO YOU ASK OF ME WOODSNOOPY CHILD?
> I HAVE COME TO BEG NICKELYou are in a twisting maze of little Charlie Browns, all alike.
Sewn up in a crochet of endless zig-zag sweaters, you roll fitfully down the increasingly cramped knitted hallways.
Stinky boy arms and legs rise in strange patterns at erratic intervals.
You see a tiny hole in one wall, just visible by standing on tip-toe. There is no desire to look out of it ever again.
You come to an ampitheatre where the choking sweaters thin out.
There is a mystic rose inscribed in the biggest Charlie Brown's forehead. Little Charlie Browns live inside the bigger one.
It's a bit like that book Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH in that they chew tunnels through him and crawl around inside.
Down the left corridor, a voice yells "CHUCK!!! CHUCK!!!"
> ENTER CORRIDOR
A set of broken yellow jalousie-blinds in the oblong corner of the room puke up freezing air and snow.
> CRAWL INTO SNOWthe night is choked with streetlights
the forest straddles a road with paint so white and asphalt so black
and one light pariah separate from the artificial amber stands sentinel between two stalks of spruce
and the chthonic portals that birthed that light shiver that their child should find the open air
a strand of spongy tendrils wrapped tightly entwined snaking out between the trees
utterly organic
slapping and splashing like a wet rag against the pavement, though perfectly dry in the hot summer's sunset
drifting creeping towards the lighted world
on the border of sidewalks and streetlamps
fingers spread gently through a stormdrain
to find a human artifact...
...
A book has been left here. A collection of Peanuts comics.
Good grief, kid!! Pick up yer books!!!!
Someone else has done it for you. You're welcome...!!!Bits of piano-key coral and disused waste Snoopies line the bottom of the lake.
A unique Snoopy with elongated, crocodilian jaws snatches you up and chews you cleanly in half.
Your halves fall to the seabed and become one with the trash. A steering wheel idly spins.
A bicycle screams. Miniature Woodstocks tied together, mouth to rear end like a centipede, crawl along your body, chewing off metal.
By now you're too thinly disseminated to exist as an independent consciousness.
GAME OVER
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