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Why are eleven paragraphs of bacon metaphor even necessary to explain one's sexuality.
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21205 No. 21205 ID: d995d3

The way to damnation

Today I killed a man,
I crushed it’s skull in my fist, wet eggshell and mangled screams as my hand closed effortlessly. It was not the first man I have killed, nor will it be the last, I can’t remember how many I have killed, men I have killed, I have killed more than men, or less than men as I once saw them, green things, which would rip their own limbs off to try and kill you. And others beside, but these were always Righteous killings, they were good and they made me proud to wipe the surface clean from that filth. To kill the xeno was a simple thing,

But killing men was different. As an Astartes, humans are somewhere near us, I think I remember a time when I was weak, I feared, but that is like remembering a smell, I know we came from man we, were men, and now we are not. But there was a point where I could know a man I could talk to one without killing it, they die so easily you see, so frail, yet, I used to envy them. we can do things that the men can only dream about I’ve done things like would make men’s hearts rejoice , I’ve heard them singing our names alongside the almighty’s name , the one I thought was my father who watched over me and my brothers. The men called us his son’s, his angels, we believed them we respected them; we protected them from the horrors. As many and as brave as they are there are things a they simply cannot do. They needed us. And deep down I knew we did not need them. But still, I envied them because despite there weakness they could do things that we could not.

As a slave your thoughts cannot be your own they are your masters possessions, your actions are his possessions, you’re very existence is because your master lets you live, even in death you’re body does not belong to you. Your every waking moment is bent towards him you are a manifestation of him. You do not exist. This is the life of an Astartes, to walk even the slightest off this course can have terrible repercussions, for you have great responsibilities as a Astartes, your humanity is not one of them,

For you know that your are not human in body as well as mind, you do not think like man, because do not act like man, you can rip the side off of a transport unit, and it is ordinary. If this power was instantly given to a man, it would become drunk and corrupted by this power they would quickly use it for it’s own indulgent ends. Astartes see it differently; I envied man because he had the choice, he can overcome his fear, he can produce his own sons, his thoughts are his own. We are unable to do these things; we are trapped in his service. We know no fear.

These thoughts are tiny at first, unnoticeable almost like a hidden tiny insect in a room, but time is different for us, it goes on, never ending you suddenly notice the insect, you start to watch it.

Then you might think, these men are not serving the divine, only a flicker but your faith keeps you strong. But then you catch yourself.

Men can choose to follow the emperor

This thought cascades, it is a revelations. Some brothers offer themselves to the chaplains to seek solace in the chapter, some keep it hidden, the infection of choice begins, and it becomes the most precious thing to an Astartes, like an ember in his mind

I first thought it as I crushed a mans skull. It was a traitor but a man never the less, as I turned to point my holy weapon to lay waste to an enemy’s north facing firing position five hundred meters to my left side with a easterly wind blowing at 3 knots I heard its final gasp.

As its jaw broke under the pressure of my armoured thumb

I heard

A name

It wasn’t the curse of the almighty that I have heard a thousand times before simply a name , it’s final words were for another thing like it self , I stopped for a fraction of second as the crushed headed traitor slid out of my right hand. The seed was planted

From that day on, in tiny splinters of heresy I asked

Why did it say that?

Why not ask for the light of the father?

Why not doubt his truth?

And slowly an answer came, because

The light is silent;

He does not exist as a god but as a man, he is like them not like us.

We are images of the emperor, we are his paintings his sculptures his churches but we could never be his children

we are his blade. And nothing more.

And you make a choice; Astartes don’t often get to make a choice,

You want to be human and to be all that it entails. But you know neither fear nor nothing else, only hate is what you know, so you hate man because you cannot be man.

Along this path you flee what it is to be the hand of the god emperor, you flee what it is to be an angel of death, you become something else others may join you if dissent has spread wide enough , the holy Inquisition will brand you traitors in a attempt to stop the dissent spreading. Other Astartes run back to the clear thoughts of the Emperor and hunt you down because it’s easier that way, than dealing with the truth. You become alone and without resupply.

In these dark moments you feel the need to dedicate your self , some dedicate themselves to regaining their humanity by adjusting they’re bodies chemically, developing responses they never knew existed beyond the chapter sanctioned stimulants, some may simply want revenge.

We are better than men in most things and because of this other men will seek to use us for there aims, outside of the cot of constant wars that rage, the imperuim is rotten enough for an Astartes to hide for a little while.

We are quick and we are quiet but we are not always conspicuous. We only have a short amount of time before an inquisitor follows the vague reports and sightings. A few exist as nomads shifting from world to world but they soon attract attention where ever they go
Like a child an Astartes is in the company of men we may be effective killing machines but still childlike. In the dealings with men we often fail, for they have no honour and no trust. Many an Astartes is tricked and executed from the machinations of men they believe to be like brothers.

It is in these years at the underbelly of the imperuim does an Astartes become known and learns to know about the great enemy. Pray that the hydra may come and offer protection from them. for this is a fate many have chosen, for the great enemy listens, and is a willing father to the fallen children of the god of men if only they pay the price that it demands, great gifts are offered, your humanity is often the first thing that’s granted, other temping offers whispered, to dream, to feel the touch of another .most will take the gift, after that it becomes a tool for their control then they show us

Fear.
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