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File 155771682970.png - (775.54KB , 1200x1000 , mom.png )
932632 No. 932632 ID: f5fee9

I just couldn't stay away~♥

so... how about a lewd story about a kobold?
204 posts omitted. Last 50 shown. Expand all images
No. 942736 ID: eeb7d9

Nobody said it had to be in the near future~~

But i think that it is of our best interests, that is to say, Lamashtu's interests, to stop them from killing a powerful monster, that could potentially help us breed more powerful monsters.
No. 942741 ID: 9876c4

Quick, nobody tell the bard he can't spell Tarrasque!
Hurry up!

This sounds like a job for a very ribald philosophers stone.
No. 942742 ID: 10c408

I don't think this is a good idea. Not without further information to make up for how weak and unstealthy Neeral is. We have no idea if the adventurers would even be on board with monster fucking (though the bard might be convinced of it) and we don't know how safe it would be to even attempt to seduce and/or mount the tarrasque.

Start asking some questions, Neeral. We might have to ditch these clowns if we want to get anything done.
No. 942746 ID: a9af05

Let's about what we're going to eat.
No. 942748 ID: 4cf79d

The Tarrask can't be killed. Do they have a way to annoy the thing enough to make it fuck off?
No. 942759 ID: e6f10c

Ask him what a "Tarrask" is because you haven't even heard of it before. It sounds dangerous, that much you get.
No. 942768 ID: 60af6e

Oh boy, Oracle powers go! Here's one bit where you can prove yourself by providing knowledge. First off, if its what I think it is killing it is out of your means. Its regeneration is truly absurd, and has a wide range of resistances. The best bet is to contain or imprison it, preferably with a great many powerful people assisting. Good for you all it literally has no friends, because of it being spawned by the Rough Beast. It's made enough of an ass of itself for just about every god worth mentioning to be opposed to it, so maybe you were guided to them for this reason.

Also, cuddle up to Miro as he speaks, hinting that maybe later the two of you could "discuss religion".
No. 942782 ID: 8cb228

The main strength of the tarrask is that it is a giant land-bound monster, nearly impossible to kill.

The main weakness of it is that it isn't that great at range, especially if it's opponents can fly, and a VERY good wizard can set up the battlefield where it 'should' be into a trap to negate it's ability to do harm, potentially permanently, if he or she is clever enough (supposedly drowning it might work, among other obscure things).
No. 942789 ID: 8cb228

Okay, some of the obscure methods to beat it could be: the wizard spell magic jar, the ability drain of the wraith or shadow or the Juju mystery of an oracle, suffocation/drowning, the eternal slumber grand hex of a witch, placing it in a plane of reality with no food for it until it starves, harpooning it with several immovable rods at once, using a helm of opposite alignment, or the divine spell polar midnight.
No. 944280 ID: f5fee9
File 156762327820.jpg - (134.59KB , 1200x1000 , cut up tree.jpg )

>Neeral hops up and walks over to Barkus, who is busy gutting and getting ready to skin the creature he killed... it has a body like an elk, but with a wolfs snarl and eagles wings... its deer like antlers are razor sharp, and its front legs end in human like gnarled hands... but most upsetting of all, its shadow is that of a humans... Barkus has a few new cuts along his arm and chest... some are quite deep...

Neeral - what... is it?

Barkus - Don't know... don't care... it jumped me in the Forrest, now its food.

Neeral - you killed that all on your own? Wow you're very strong!

Barkus - I've killed bigger, scarier and more fierce, this is nothing... just a savage animal.

Neeral - well, I'm very grateful... I... I really just want to say thank you for saving me from my den... and for everything really~
No. 944281 ID: f5fee9
File 156762329774.jpg - (99.86KB , 1200x1000 , hand full of cock.jpg )

>Barkus cuts off the creatures cock and tosses it to Neeral.

Barkus - this is all you get. don't choke on it.

Neeral - oh eum... th-thanks? [hey shub... this is... I mean... I think Barkus is trying to insult me... but this is a genuinely good gift where I'm from... its better meat than what I'm used to and nearly three times bigger than my usual meals... Should I... thank him or... am I expected to be angry at the slight? I'm not offended at all... but should I pretend to be? is that the proper thing to do?]

>_ _ _
No. 944282 ID: 0efe8e

Thank him for the generous gift and then take it over to the fire to cook.
No. 944283 ID: b3c4cf

He said not to choke on it. This implies that he wants to see how much stuff you can put in your mouth without choking.

So, start sucking on it I suppose.
No. 944285 ID: f2320a

Its good food its important to cook it before the blood leaks out of the cook
No. 944287 ID: 0f41e2

Yes, its probably meant as an insult.
But if it is good meat, just thank him and take it. But best skewer it on a pointy stick and grill it. That sould give him some phantom tingle in the nether region.
No. 944288 ID: eeb7d9

Choosers can't be beggars! Thank him for the food and get cooking.
No. 944289 ID: 9876c4

Get some wine and a saucepan.

prepare Cock au vin.
No. 944294 ID: 4a9e28

I mean, if he's trying to mess with you the 'proper' response would be to immediately swallow the whole thing raw while maintaining eye contact with him. Logistics of that aside, it'd probably cause more problems than it'd solve.

The right move here is probably just to nod without saying anything then going and enjoying your meal; thus far Barkus seems like the kind of fellow who's opinion isn't really swayed by words and will disapprove of anything he thinks is an attempt to.
No. 944295 ID: 094652

I'd say stuff it in raw in front of his face, but there's diseases in all meat.

Ask for the scrotum as well. It's a monster, you never know.
No. 944297 ID: e3e99e

Be earnest.
"Is this... Is this really all for me? You're so much more generous than my old captors! Thank you for this kindness!"

Expressing honest appreciation for it, even if he's attempting to insult you, helps underscore how awful your life has been. Even if he dislikes you, he'll start to have some sympathy.
No. 944503 ID: 0a7f21

If he's insulting you then he dislikes you, and will likely mistrust anything you say. Quietly thank him and then leave him alone so as not to antagonize him.
No. 944505 ID: 91ee5f

Go back and tell everyone that Barkus told you to eat a dick. At first you thought he was insulting you, but then he gave you an actual dick to eat. So now you’re going to eat this entire dick and enjoy it because this is better than any of your previous meals you’ve ever had in your entire life.
No. 944535 ID: 10c408

It's probably intended as an insult and also some form of social snare

No matter what you do with it now, Barkus is going to come out ahead now that he's given it to you. Either you don't eat it (hunger) and ask for a different cut of the monster (gluttony) or you do eat it (raw, -collective opinion and you'll probably get sick) and he'll probably have more justification for not liking you (-collective opinion again)

So with all those in mind we should make him regret trying this. Ask him if you should cook it properly over the fire first and what the best way to roast it is. Do you need to squeeze the blood out first? Don't try to piss him off, just enough to put him in a bad mood that he'll do or say something in earshot that makes him look bad.
No. 944547 ID: 91ee5f

I hate myself for just now noticing this, but.....

>but most upsetting of all, its shadow is that of a humans...
Should we be concerned about the fact that this creature’s shadow looks like a human’s shadow?
No. 944553 ID: 10c408

No, because that's the shadow that belongs to barkus, as well as the tree to the left. (look at his mostly obscured feet)

I'd be more worried about the shadow in-between his and Neeral's that appears to be cast by literally nothing at all.
No. 944563 ID: 91ee5f

>No, because that's the shadow that belongs to barkus, as well as the tree to the left. (look at his mostly obscured feet)
No, it’s not Barkus’ shadow. And I know his is right next to the tree, but that’s not the shadow I’m talking about.

>I'd be more worried about the shadow in-between his and Neeral's that appears to be cast by literally nothing at all.
That’s the shadow I’m talking about. It’s the shadow of the creature that Barkus has hung on the tree branch.

Why does that creature have a human looking shadow, when it doesn’t look human at all?
No. 944580 ID: f2320a

The shadow most often reveal a being true form
Lets ask so we can cook cock the right way its important too be well fed and fattened to really crank out quality monsters malnutrision leads to weaker babies and lower fertility
No. 944643 ID: a29e83


Cook the cock!

More specifically drive a stick (or Milo's rapier if you can get him to give it you) through the urethra and out the other end.
Then roast it over the fire till done.

Doing all that while glaring at Barkus should get the point across.

alternatively we could just grovel in thanks and play up the submissive harlot role he is probably expecting.

Also for all future cross species interactions i propose we put intent over reality. IE. pretend to get mad even though its better then you usually get.
No. 944648 ID: 25554f

Could make it so they continue acting like that and we act like its a punishment when its a reward would be nice
No. 944737 ID: 32b5ec

No reason not to thank him!
Best way to deal with an insult it to turn it into something positive.
No. 944887 ID: 8d23f0

might as well throw a joking insult back. "WOW, this must be at least 10 times the size of your meat!" make sure the others hear
No. 944892 ID: 0a7f21

I'm not sure if he thinks you are a wilting flower or just hates kobolds. You should either just quietly thank him and back away so as not to offend him further, or go the opposite route and try to seduce him, knowing it will enrage him further.

How about "If you wanna see me swallow a fat cock I could make it much more enjoyable for you."
No. 945578 ID: f5fee9
File 156917892303.jpg - (110.91KB , 1200x1000 , eating dick.jpg )

>the little kobold takes the gift graciously and smiles

Neeral - Is this... Is this really all for me? You're so much more generous than my old captors! Thank you for this kindness!

>He smirks, and continues cutting at the beast.

Barkus - Don't mention it, and we have travel paper if you cant finish it...

Neeral - I know I wont be able to take it all in a single sitting... this must be the biggest cock I've ever had in me~

Barkus - Miro really knows how to pick em... go eat your dick you little cock slut...

Neeral - oh come now, if you really want to see me choke on a fat cock I can make it far more pleasurable for you~

>he stops skinning the beast dead in his tracks, our kobold licks her lips as Barkus's bulge grows in his trousers.

Barkus - I think you should stop talking to me now little whore...

>With that she trots off and sits down next to Miro.

Miro - ehh... Im sorry about him... I'll share with you if you like.

Neeral - oh no I love fatty dick

>She playfully licks the meats tip.

Miro - eum... you should cook that first... its rife with disease.

Neeral - oh I'm not worried, kobold stomachs can handle all sorts of nasty stuff. I've eaten mushrooms and bugs most my life and only rarely eat meat cooked. but it does taste better... in fact, I've learnt a trick... do you have any wine?

Miro - eum sure, we can pop open a bottle. To our friendship~

>Miro cracks open a bottle of red wine and pours enough for the whole party, meanwhile Neeral finds a shiny blueish pan in miro's stuff.

Neeral - whats this pan made of?

Miro - mythreal.

Neeral - My-Mythreal?!

Miro - yeah~

Neeral - Why?!

Miro - nothing sticks to mythreal~

Neeral - I... I... I... okay...

>The lusty kobold pours the rich wine over the fat cock as it cooks in the mythreal pan over the roaring fire... it sizzles and cooks to a rich reddish brown. With glee and a little hunger, she takes the huge meal and digs in, sinking her sharp fangs and beak into the tender flesh and ripping it apart piece by piece... Miro and Urist look a little discomforted by the sight, squirming slightly... Pharnax licks his lips watching

Pharnax - Neeral, May I have some? that looks delicious

>Neeral nods and offer it to the elf, who opens wide, revealing his needle like teeth, with a wet chomp he digs his maw into the meat and rips off a piece.

Pharnax - mmnnn just like mom used to make~

Miro - what's wrong with you mate?

Pharnax - hehee, do you want to know?

Miro - I'll pass...

>Soon the rest of the meats arrive and despite what Barkus declared, Miro shares some of his flank with Neeral. wine is passed around and the bark sings a few tales. soon the sun starts to set...

Miro - welp, I'm not very tired, so how about you guys hit the hay, and I'll take the first watch.

Urist - sure thing bucko...

Miro - Neeral my sweet, will you keep me company?

>of course~
>I'm tired...
>_ _ _
No. 945589 ID: 9876c4


I'm for A. Let's be useful.
No. 945596 ID: eeb7d9

As long as i can be useful, i shall keep you company! Especially after drinking wine, we don't want to fall asleep on your watch turn, eh? The more the merrier!
No. 945612 ID: 94f01e

Yes yes but first how will this work with us inside? We can have the excuse of freshing up
No. 945644 ID: c0e130

"On the first date? What do you think me, some kind of whore?!
...oh wait, I am. Sure!"
No. 945653 ID: 0efe8e

I would say join him... but you should probably go some were and pull us out first.
No. 945658 ID: 8cee7a

...good idea.
No. 945707 ID: a48264

Time to earn your keep... by keeping company! Might as well take this chance to learn more about this group -- that'll help you decide how long you want to stick around.

But's it's safe and cozy in here!
No. 945761 ID: f57349

Nah, stay inside. Instead of a lowly leech, let's think of ourselves like some classy vampire lord, having a guest over for dinner at Neeral Manor.
No. 945762 ID: 094652

"Dessert! Yaaay!"
No. 945764 ID: 91ee5f

Of course!

Nah, let’s stay inside Neeral. We can act as “protection”, that way Neeral doesn’t get pregnant.

Even though Lamashtu wants Neeral to get pregnant and give birth to new monsters, I don’t think getting pregnant from Miro would make a good monster offspring.
No. 945773 ID: 9876c4

I think it's entirely possible Lamashtu is thinking QUANTITY, not quality.
No. 945802 ID: 094652

Ultimately, it's what the monsters do with their strengths and weaknesses that matters. If a swarm of vicious man-eaters stays in one place and starves to death, that's not favorable. If a natural-born bladed bio-sword runs straight into an army with artillery, communication, and supply lines, that's also not favorable. If a meek pudgy widdle cutebold walks their way straight into the oncoming path of the princess' carriage, charms her into adoption, and sends coded scent messages back to their full-fledged tech-savvy army, that's favorable.

Stats are extremely important but what matters is applying them where they're needed. We're looking to create an ecosystem-civilization, diverse and ultimately adaptable for further evolution.
No. 945807 ID: a9af05

No. 945880 ID: e3e99e

Naw, see, that's the wrong way to look at things.
Instead, LET Neeral get pregnant, and then claim it's a miracle. Have her use raising their half-kobold child to justify staying with the adventuring party, and seduce the bard into being 'monster-swingers'.

She gets endless powerful monsters, and an armed escort.
No. 945885 ID: a9af05

The problem with adventurers is that they get paid to kill monsters. Asking them to help us make monsters is a good way of getting them to just turn around and kill Neeral before she can make any monsters.
No. 945889 ID: e6f10c

A important clarification is that they're paid to kill monsters that have been a big enough bother to someone with coin to pay to have said monsters killed. If the monsters aren't causing trouble, then why risk the party member's well being to slay 'em? And if they do cause trouble, well, that'll be more job opportunities for the party, though killing the monsters would go well against Lamashtu's desires. ...But if Neeral could speak to the monsters she's birthed and they'd follow her direction, then this could be a opportunity to con folk out of their cash. Bring the monsters in to cause a ruckus, then Neeral leads 'em off secretly and the party claims they dealt with the problem and gets paid.

Anyway, it's still way too early to reveal such things to the party. They do not trust Neeral anywhere near enough. And even if and when they do, them knowing is another way knowledge of Neeral's blessing by Lamashtu and mission to slip out and get to the ears of those who would kill her.

Oh, and a important note about the way Lamashtu's blessing on Neeral works is that the egg Neeral lays (two days after conception,) are buried to finish their growth and then hatch. How long that'll take is unknown and might be based on how big the offspring are. Whatever the way, it means that Neeral doesn't have to stick around to care for the eggs or the offspring.
No. 946216 ID: 81cd19

That's one way to eat dick I suppose.

And yes, we should exit Neeral.

You should definitely agree to keep him company. Don't want him to get suspicious in any way.
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