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1027885 No. 1027885 ID: 8b82ee

You are a watermelon that just fell out of the buying shelf of the supermarket on the floor of the store and a worker is just going toward you to pick you up and return you to your previous position. You do not want to go back, use all the abilities that watermelon has if it used 100% of its brain to escape your capture.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb9rC5Boigg&ab_channel=Absurdismworld%27sarchivechannel&loop=0
175 posts omitted. Last 50 shown. Expand all images
>>
No. 1035715 ID: 91deaa
File 165593613648.jpg - (104.72KB , 310x453 , water 104.jpg )
1035715

The Watermelon Vampire has a lot of questions going through her head. Some of them were, did this shop sell milk, how much does a white-out cost and has this story really gotten convoluted and has no longer its mass appeal....
>>
No. 1035716 ID: 91deaa
File 165593621596.jpg - (43.43KB , 303x262 , water 105.jpg )
1035716

Wait, wait, wait...Time out time out, stop the narration. This quest had a mass appeal in the first place? And it has lost its appeal which it had in the first place? Is this because I covered up my melons?
>>
No. 1035719 ID: 91deaa
File 165593629205.jpg - (125.82KB , 409x418 , water 106.jpg )
1035719

Hey guard guy, did this joke quest when on for too long? Has it lost what made it funny?
>>
No. 1035720 ID: 91deaa
File 165593637637.jpg - (56.95KB , 287x369 , water 107.jpg )
1035720

I have no idea what is even happening nor how much eyes am I even supposed to have.
>>
No. 1035721 ID: 91deaa
File 165593667032.jpg - (106.43KB , 307x490 , water 109.jpg )
1035721

Ok there is no need to get white-out to delete those stars, simply exploit the shit out of creating new accounts duplication glitch.
>>
No. 1035722 ID: 91deaa
File 165593725611.jpg - (253.86KB , 593x697 , water 110.jpg )
1035722

In in matter of 1 minutes Watermelon Vampire executed the speedrunners skip and created over 70 of alternative accounts and with them she managed to destroy the 5 star rating of her opponent. This battle is over, you got no experience but you win. Sometimes you can win or you can grow and sometimes you can't do booth.
>>
No. 1035730 ID: 91deaa
File 165593739674.jpg - (104.66KB , 353x492 , water 111.jpg )
1035730

With the Goddess of Discounts defeated, the mutant piƱata retuned into his domesticated state and will return to his lovely family.
>>
No. 1035731 ID: 91deaa
File 165593750328.jpg - (33.30KB , 347x256 , water 112.jpg )
1035731

While the ghost was arrested for not posseting an license to levitate things.
>>
No. 1035734 ID: 91deaa
File 165593762770.jpg - (80.95KB , 307x398 , water 113.jpg )
1035734

Well we won and that is it, nothing is even stopping us for just leaving and starting our own cult.
>>
No. 1035735 ID: 91deaa
File 165593771051.jpg - (174.01KB , 536x586 , water 114.jpg )
1035735

Wait just one moment, you did beat me and humiliated, so I am obliged to offer you one wish. Unfortunately the only limitation of my wish is that it has to be something that can be bought by money.
>>
No. 1035736 ID: 629f2e

P O W E R
>>
No. 1035798 ID: e51896

>>1028091

>While you were transforming into your vampire form you heard whispers from the Lemon Satan. If you truly want to gain the power of the forbidden fruit you will need to establish a pact with the devil. Some may see you as a heretic for doing this, others will hate you uncontrollably but most importantly doing this act you will bring great shame to your honor. In order for the contract to be fulfilled, you need to buy 10 NFTs from Satan and then sell 5 of them to your friends, if you don't have friends complete strangers can work as well.

>>1035735
>Unfortunately the only limitation of my wish is that it has to be something that can be bought by money.

Ask her to buy you those useless cursed 10 NFTs from Lemon Satan, and then we'll be on our way.

Afterwards at some point, we'll sell 5 to our friends or strangers.

...

Actually, nah. We love Lemon Satan, but we've got principles. Maybe another time.

So either

1. a submarine so that when we leave the store, we can pilot the submarine to get out of the moon base once we leave the store (we are in an underwater base on the moon for some reason, remember?)

or

2. A cantaloupe. You could use a boyfren
>>
No. 1035873 ID: 527ed9
File 165611570859.jpg - (189.19KB , 799x627 , water 115.jpg )
1035873

What I want is power and when I say power I am referring to money. Give me your lunch money nerd!
>>
No. 1035874 ID: 527ed9
File 165611582126.jpg - (153.68KB , 439x513 , water 116.jpg )
1035874

Yeah sure no problem, how much do you need. I have lot of it. Do you need anything else, like a haircut, plastic surgery or a plastic haircut surgery?
>>
No. 1035876 ID: 527ed9
File 165611612923.jpg - (111.92KB , 298x547 , water 117.jpg )
1035876

Well I don't know just how much those stupid NFTs are but you will have to buy them all from Lemon Satan. Also a transportation to leave this place could be a good thing. Oh and one last thing I will need one cantaloupe.
>>
No. 1035877 ID: 527ed9
File 165611630474.jpg - (174.66KB , 456x585 , water 118.jpg )
1035877

Yeah I can give you all of those things, you can have my rocket submarine. But there is just one thing that I will need from you before I grant you all those wishes. Can you turn all the negative reviews into positive ones?
>>
No. 1035878 ID: 527ed9
File 165611642535.jpg - (119.15KB , 335x470 , water 119.jpg )
1035878

I man I could but that seems like a lot of work to do with my one finger...
>>
No. 1035879 ID: 527ed9
File 165611669834.jpg - (119.91KB , 335x470 , water 120.jpg )
1035879

Inner monologue. Interesting she is willing to give me more thing in order for my reviews to change. maybe I could use that to milk more things from her.
>>
No. 1035910 ID: e51896

Now that I think about it, does our security guard friend want anything? I don't think we need anything else personally, but our security guard friend might want something.

First, bring the negative one star reviews to... TWO star reviews (she didn't explain HOW positive she wanted it, lol, loophole) then give the security guard the phone, and tell the manager you'll leave it up to him to raise those two stars reviews to more stars, so she better make him happy and give him whatever he wants.

it's his birthday after all!
>>
No. 1036030 ID: 527ed9
File 165628870728.jpg - (137.66KB , 525x506 , water 121.jpg )
1036030

Alright just to show that I will keep my end of the agreement I will restore the reputation of this store to two stars. Also I completely forgot, guard do you want anything, especially during this specials day. After all we can negotiate. I will give you the phone, so you will be the one making demands.
>>
No. 1036031 ID: 527ed9
File 165628878191.jpg - (94.10KB , 488x391 , water 122.jpg )
1036031

Thank you, as for what demand I would like to get a raise for this job.
>>
No. 1036033 ID: 527ed9
File 165628912041.jpg - (98.49KB , 347x487 , water 123.jpg )
1036033

Wait, you will be working here especially after everything that we did in this store?
>>
No. 1036034 ID: 527ed9
File 165628917667.jpg - (93.17KB , 498x379 , water 124.jpg )
1036034

Yeah I will only going to help you during our world domination only on weekends.
>>
No. 1036035 ID: 527ed9
File 165628927711.jpg - (269.32KB , 911x600 , water 125.jpg )
1036035

So if the raise is what you want the raise is what you will get. Just out store accountant give you the proper paper work for it.
>>
No. 1036036 ID: 527ed9
File 165628934507.jpg - (270.15KB , 914x600 , water 126.jpg )
1036036

So Bob can you give our guard what he is asking for?
>>
No. 1036037 ID: 527ed9
File 165628957288.jpg - (72.22KB , 327x415 , water 127.jpg )
1036037

Bob quickly filled out the request and offered it to the Guard. Bos did start to talk but all the sounds that Bob make are similar to the sounds of farting.
>>
No. 1036038 ID: 527ed9
File 165628962422.jpg - (108.98KB , 402x489 , water 128.jpg )
1036038

Yep that is it everything seems to be in order, I just need to sine this document.
>>
No. 1036039 ID: 527ed9
File 165628969254.jpg - (107.92KB , 426x487 , water 129.jpg )
1036039

Well from my side I got what I wanted, so should we be leaving?
>>
No. 1036040 ID: 527ed9
File 165628974806.jpg - (164.21KB , 548x551 , water 130.jpg )
1036040

Of course and here are our parting gift, the last things what you aske from me. As for you guard I expect you here first thing in the morning next day.
>>
No. 1036042 ID: 527ed9
File 165628986377.jpg - (202.97KB , 793x596 , water 131.jpg )
1036042

And with that negotiation finished out two terrorist jumped into the submarine rocket and left this location.
>>
No. 1036043 ID: 527ed9
File 165628997518.jpg - (177.76KB , 664x480 , water 132.jpg )
1036043

Well with everything considered I could cell our first mission a success!
>>
No. 1036044 ID: 527ed9
File 165629004682.jpg - (74.87KB , 431x318 , water 133.jpg )
1036044

Yeah it was, but you still didn't restore the five star rating to the store. Are we going to do that or are we going to betray her?
>>
No. 1036046 ID: 527ed9
File 165629027050.jpg - (153.84KB , 507x457 , water 134.jpg )
1036046

I was thinking about that and she also didn't fulfilled her end of the agreement when it comes to the NFT's. So not doing what we promised is an allowed option to take. But I don't know if I am going to even see her again in the rest of my life, so maybe not doing what we promised doesn't even matter.
>>
No. 1036082 ID: e51896

Well, the only thing left to do is bite the cantaloupe to turn it into a vampire like us so we can have a boyfriend, and then we can do a victory pose for a job well done!
>>
No. 1036238 ID: 7c0da2

Restore the rating, but leave one last taunting review that will forever prevent her from attaining the perfect rating.
She will be able to come so very close to perfection, but never achieve it.
>>
No. 1036345 ID: 527ed9
File 165642185014.jpg - (84.75KB , 323x475 , water 135.jpg )
1036345

Now that I am thinking about our defeated enemy, I believe it would be for the best if we keep our words. She will probably buy those stupid NFTs. So restore the 5 star ratings but only leave the first bad review that I made.
>>
No. 1036346 ID: 527ed9
File 165642195930.jpg - (71.68KB , 357x276 , water 136.jpg )
1036346

Hmm ok I see that is the review that says "Didn't even get to have sex." The star have been restored the Overlord Manager will remember this.
>>
No. 1036347 ID: 527ed9
File 165642201299.jpg - (112.10KB , 455x471 , water 137.jpg )
1036347

Hey now, it isn't like you didn't have the same thoughts on your mind. Anyways this was our first victory but it wasn't the fight against our real enemy the IRS.
>>
No. 1036348 ID: 527ed9
File 165642209282.jpg - (118.32KB , 435x399 , water 138.jpg )
1036348

The point where we won't be target by them is the moment when we win in our battle.
>>
No. 1036349 ID: 527ed9
File 165642216086.jpg - (71.52KB , 367x276 , water 139.jpg )
1036349

Oh boy does that opponent even have any weaknesses?
>>
No. 1036351 ID: 527ed9
File 165642223103.jpg - (130.40KB , 499x435 , water 140.jpg )
1036351

Oh but of course there is a weakness and that is what we should be focusing on and the name of that weakness is TAX EXEMPTIONS. And religious establishment are exempt for it. That is what we are going to go after.
>>
No. 1036352 ID: 527ed9
File 165642234319.jpg - (45.52KB , 267x339 , water 141.jpg )
1036352

We are small and you can only help me during your offlays, but we will grow. The fruits of our labor will be juicy.
>>
No. 1036353 ID: 527ed9
File 165642243712.jpg - (174.88KB , 495x439 , water 142.jpg )
1036353

Then the Watermelon Vampire put the fruit into her mouth and then...
>>
No. 1036354 ID: 527ed9
File 165642248616.jpg - (96.07KB , 561x229 , water 143.jpg )
1036354

Took a bite out of it.
>>
No. 1036355 ID: 527ed9
File 165642255292.jpg - (121.11KB , 399x447 , water 144.jpg )
1036355

Ouch, I lost my tooth. I shouldn't listen to the voices in my head.
>>
No. 1036356 ID: 527ed9
File 165642274044.jpg - (73.35KB , 337x339 , water 145.jpg )
1036356

Well that was the end of this first chapter and this cantaloupe will be the protagonist of the second part of the story. And no this character will not be a vampire, obviously it will be a werewolf. Thank you for reading this story, I don-t know when I will continue.
>>
No. 1036357 ID: 6a2a09

>> cantelope
Turn into femboy
>>
No. 1036390 ID: e5709d

This has been one of the weirdest, most nonsensical parodies of Veggietales I've ever seen in my life.

>>1036357
Needs to be a genderfluid mushroom-cantaloupe hybrid
that squirts mold
>>
No. 1036520 ID: 527ed9
File 165654121532.jpg - (75.92KB , 364x355 , water 146.jpg )
1036520

Alright werewolf, femboy, genderfluid mushroom-cantaloupe hybrid that squirts mold. Just writing down all that will be added to the next protagonist.
>>
No. 1036521 ID: 527ed9
File 165654136064.jpg - (98.22KB , 397x508 , water 147.jpg )
1036521

It is a pleasure that you enjoyed the story and the main goal from my perspective of this quest is to be a nonsensical joke. Especially sine the other quests had a more serious tone. As for the protagonist of the next part will be designed by Poltergeist Ethanoic Acid.
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